Thursday, February 26, 2009

Uh Oh

Your morality is 8% in line with that of the bible.

Damn you heathen! Your book learnin' has done warped your mind. You shall not be invited next time I sacrifice a goat.

Do You Have Biblical Morals?
Take More Quizzes

Tip of the hat to Les, Over at Stupid Evil Bastard.

I really can't say this bothers me.


  1. I literally got a 0%. Maybe in Hell we can be Euchre partners or something.

  2. Whose morality? From which part of the Bible? Seems to me that the Old and New Testaments should give very different results for Christians -- a fact which is lost on some Christians.

    Just sayin'.

    Dr. Phil

  3. I'm not sure where I picked up 8%

    It may be part where I found throwing certain people into a pit with hungry lions perfectly acceptable...

  4. Yeah, that 8% worries me.

    Maybe Jim believes in the dermatological use of blood?

    [Unsurprisingly, I'm also at 0%. Even after coffee. Hint, hint, Jim.]

  5. 0%, maybe I should study harder, or pray, or burn something/one - I'm not getting it.

    ::sigh:: runs in the family though - since The Lindesfarne Weekend Regatta.

  6. I'm 8% heathen, and I'm pretty sure it's entirely because I was uncertain about whether Mr. Bobbitt's penis disqualified him from attending church. I mean, I'm an atheist, I don't really care whether a church checks penises for sutures on the way in (at least not as long as church members, ha-ha, are adults; there's clearly a legal issue if they're checking underage penises).

    So I answered that I didn't know, it was reattached, which gave me partial credit for the answer (as opposed to the obviously heathenish answer, that God loves all penises whether they're reattached or severed; God loves the cock as He loves all things). (I confirmed this was my partial virtue because I was able to hit the "back" button, change my answer, and score a goose-egg; a goose-egg being something that is fertilized by a gander-penis, of course. Just had to point that out, you know?)

    Speaking of gander, this discussion does raise an obvious question about the enforcement of ancient Biblical laws, of course. Was it an ancient Jewish custom to take a gander at penises at the door? Is that the reason they wore those robes? Was there a man (because it obviously couldn't be a woman, c.f. the whole testicle-grabbing issue) who had to stand at the door of the Temple asking entrants to "hitch it or ditch it," i.e. flash the crowd or leave? One imagines quite a line forming during Jerusalem's height in the Biblical world.

    Who knew that Bobbitt's penis was such a penetrating theological question, or that it would find itself inserted into a discussion like this one? But I don't think we can withdraw from this hard issue; no, it is something we must pound away at until we understand the central thrust of this seminal law of God. Whence goest the severed penis in the sight of The Lord? Whence goes the prodigal penis returned home, as it were? This doesn't seem to me something that should be lightly tossed out a window and left behind, or put on ice to be stitched together later.

  7. Eric, note the no punning policy. I will have to kill you now - sorry, nothing personal, it's just policy.

    And I got the 8% from the same answer - which was "I don't give a crap if they let the guy and his member in or not." Also I was slightly irritated that the quiz even mentioned Bobbitt's hobbit in as much as I really would rather never hear another word about that idiot. I'm not real big on the whole penis severing thing - but that guy had it coming (ba dump bump. Zing!)

  8. ..."hitch it or ditch it," i.e. flash the crowd or leave...

    They coulda just worn 'Members Only' jackets, or somethin' - just sayin....

  9. See, that's the problems with puns, right there.

    The contagion is spread rapidly, I hope you're happy, Typhoid Eric.

  10. I also got a 0%, which given how I view Christianity and how I practice it, makes me very happy.

  11. Another 0% here. That makes me happy.

  12. I cannot believe that all of you people would vote to keep poor Mr. Bobbitt out of your churches.

    Do you not feel even a small stub of compassion for the man?

    Shame, shame.

  13. [Oh, Ewan, message received. I swear I'll get to it this week. I've got all the parts]

  14. No, no: a 0% means they would allow Mr. Bobbitt to come. He would be a tall and proud member of their congregations. His plight pricks their consciences. They might even allow him to serve as church staff--presumably in a lay capacity.

  15. Ah, Eric, your piercing observation has penetrated my confusion. However, the direction that this conversation has taken is making my head throb.

    Please stop it, Dickhead.

  16. It just goes to show that even the Christians among us are just that - Christians, rather than Leviticans.

    I kind of like that about us.

    I do not care about Bobbit's junk.

    I do not care about it in his trunk.

    I do not care about it in his pants.

    I do not care about it in the plants....which is where I believe Lorena left it.

    What? It's better than puns...

  17. Well, this just took an ugly turn.

    But, you're right, Janiece. If I remember correctly, the cops found the wayward organ amongst the plants in an empty lot alongside the road - which of course begs several questions which I don't think were adequately answered in the press.

    Were specially trained penis-sniffing police dogs used to locate the lost member?

    Who had to pick it up? And did they use protection?

    How long, exactly, can a penis survive in the wild on it's own? How long before one goes feral and starts attacking random strangers?

  18. ...specially trained penis-sniffing police dogs...

    I thought all dogs were crotch, er, cross-trained. hm...

    How did we go from Christian morals testing to looking for a needle in a haystack? Or is it like looking for the same thing?

    hm... Back to my programming.

  19. "Your morality is 23% in line with that of the bible.

    You've let rational thought pollute your mind, but there is hope. Slaughter a bird, paint its blood on the walls of your home, and pray for forgiveness."

    geez, I haven't even been to church in years. I've got a little work to do, I'm apparently still under the influence of something...

    Yes, I do believe I'll be under the influence of my good friend Jack Daniels just as soon as I get home.

    Actually, many years ago, after considerable consideration during an all-night card game, several of us agreed that whoever died first and got to hell would reserve the tables and stock the fridge.


  20. Wendy, I have never been so attracted to you, as I am right now.

  21. Why Jim, whateva will people think?

    I bet you say that to all the girls! or are you just after my Jack?


  22. Don't worry Wendy. If he actually had the cajones to actually go after another woman, Mrs. Stonekettle Station would fix his wagon in a way that would make Mrs. Bobbit look like a piker.

    We like Mrs. Stonekettle Station.

  23. Well, Janiece, we were talking about Christian morals here. Weren't we?

  24. True, Janiece: unlike Mrs. Bobbitt, I don't think Mrs. Wright would ever let her husband go off half-cocked towards another woman.


  25. OH, I figured he was just after a free drink. OR he's a late comer wanting a space at my reserved table in hell, and would say anything to get it. ;D

    Besides, married men bring trouble in the form of whomever they're married to, so best usually to let them flirt and flee...And I wouldn't want to upset Mrs. Stonekettle Station!


  26. And I wouldn't want to upset Mrs. Stonekettle Station!

    Always a good idea. Really, you have no idea how good an idea that is.

  27. I got 0% too. I am proud of myself. And where the heck do you find this stuff???

  28. 0% for me. The quick review suggests that only the last answer on each question (referring to the actual Biblical events) would "give" you points...


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