Friday, February 22, 2008

Not safe for children - woohoo!

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:
  • hell (6x)
  • torture (5x)
  • dick (4x)
  • dangerous (3x)
  • suck (2x)
  • bitches (1x)
Uh, dangerous? Hmm, OK.

What about the other words I use on a fairly regular basis? Words such as the vulgar forms of fornication and the human digestive system evacuation orifice? And I'm pretty sure my use of Dick refers to the diminutive of Richard, not the male reproductive organ. Just saying.
Anyway, I've got to run up to the store for a minute. Then I'll finish some touch up work and photograph the bowls. Then, if my connection is still up, and stays up long enough, I'll upload the pictures and prices, etc. Back in a bit.


  1. Not to mention that most, if not all, of your uses of the word "torture" are in reference to politics. Which is actually sad if you think about it: one of the major political issues of our era isn't safe for children and has nothing to do with reproductive rights. Thanks for making the national dialogue work blue, George!

    A high-five to you, Jim: if you saw Nathan's original post, he had to work to get himself to an NC-17. He was just a piddling little R the first time he submitted his url.

    Oh, and because I can't resist, let me add:

    The dangerous sons of bitches who torture Gitmo detainees should suck dick in Hell.

    You're welcome.

  2. Fuckin' A, thank you, Eric.

    Also, Eric, high tail it over to Polyboggimous, we're picking out your official mobster name. You might want to weigh in.

  3. Fuckin' A Howdy, Warrant! I was NC-17 right off the bat, too.

    Influence of the Goat Locker, I fear.

  4. Janiece, ya think?

    Natalie, I'm working on it! I'm working on it! Sheesh!

    OK, out to the shop now. Back in a bit.

  5. No, no, no, I just wanted an excuse to up the number of bad words. (although I still want a bowl). :-)

  6. Doc, Oh, well in that case, I'm fucking working on it, bloody hell.

    Does 'hell' count if it's italicized?

  7. I'm telling you, the secret to an NC-17 rating is book reviews!

  8. Do you mean something like this, Michelle?

    * * *

    This Book I Read by Bob Author

    This fucking book sucks. I want to murder the cocksucker who wrote this piece of shit and kill the sons of bitches who published the motherfucking turd. The dickhead who shat this craptacular filth onto the page is a total asshole with a tin ear for dialogue, no sense of character, and a propensity for plots that have all the depth and complexity of rape porn. I've seen used condoms full of jism that were of more value to society than this vaginal secretion of a second novel. That's right, second novel. The fucker who wrote this piece of torture has previously been published, probably by some dickhead who can't tell his tits from his anus (helpful hint, you douchebag bastard: if you can manage to locate your head with both hands, your fingers will be inches from your shithole, you stupid prick). Mr. Author, your book sucks droopy, diseased donkey penises for crack in back alleys and I not only want my goddamn money back, I also want the time I spent reading your cumdropping of a pretentious, rancid ass-stain of a book, time I could have better spent masturbating cats or screwing your mother.

    * * *

    A review like the above hypothetical, or something more along the lines of what you might see in The New Yorker?

    (And Jim, if I crossed a line, I don't mind if you delete this.)

  9. He's a Navy guy. I expect he'd be more likely to grade it than be offended. ;)

    My blog rated PG because I had the words "kill" twice (in my last Diablo 2 post) and "sex" once (in my "no sex before marriage is overrated" post).

  10. if I crossed a line...

    There's a line?

    Man, I've got to start paying attention.

  11. Unfortunately Eric, no.

    Since I read murder mysteries, the words kill and murder and dead are big problems. That and the fact that I make comments like, "there is a fair amount of sex in this book, so it may not be appropriate for younger readers."

    Oh the horror!

  12. Michelle--

    Well, if you're already NC-17 and read a bad one and you want to spice up your critique....


  13. Nah, since I don't think nanny software checks for things like that, I'm okay

    Besides, it's more fun to write a bad review without using any potty mouth words. Unless too stupid to live counts as potty mouth.

  14. Michelle is a potty mouth! She said POOP on my blog. Prolly messed up lily-white pure "G" rating, by golly!

  15. Damn, that's a fucking brilliant string of descriptors, Eric. If you ever write a bad review for anything I write (if I ever publish anything else), I hope it's that creative.

  16. I know I'm waaaaaay late to this party, but I couldn't stroll on by without saying this: Holeeeee shit, Eric! That was the funniest thing I've read all day (& I've been reading this - and helping a friend with math). By the 3rd sentence I was busting a gut so hard I could barely finish. Thanks for that!


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