Thursday, December 13, 2007

Dog Day Morning

You know what's funny, entertaining, and educational?

The White House released its annual holiday Barney-cam video on Wednesday. As usual, it features the first family's dog, that little Scottish terrier named Barney, rooting around the White House and playing with Miss Beazley, the president's other dog.

The film features a clever cameo by the other White House lapdog, Tony Blair. Sort of a 'Three Dog Night Before Christmas' theme going on there.

Fun-NEEE. Oh yeah, hysterical. That George, a comic genius. Move over Al Gore, you've got some competition at the Oscars this year, Green House Gas Boy.


Update: Damn, damn, damn. It appears that this fun and educational video is at the heart of yet another White House Scandal(tm). Congress has convened a special committee to investigate allegations that the Barney-Cam tape released by the President and Mrs. Bush is, in fact, a complete fabrication - and that the original tapes were destroyed by the CIA in the interest of National Security.

Though it appears that the tapes were completely destroyed and no actual copies remain, diligent and dogged work by the Stonekettle Station Dancing Monkey Investigative Directorate has uncovered a small fragment of the actual, no foolin' tape transcript:

[Transcript Begins]
[Note: fragment appears to be an NSA (Canine Intercepts Division) translation
of a conversation between 'Barney' (White House Dog] and 'Miss Beazley'
(Other White House Dog)]
Barney: "Bow Friggin' Wow! Republicans Rock!"
Miss Beasley: "How can you say that, you little mophead? Republicans
think PETA stands for 'People Eating Tasty Animals!'"
Barney: "See? That's why you're the President's other dog.
Right there. Two words, Bitch, Barney Cam. It ain't
Bitch Cam now is it?"
Miss Beasley: "Seriously, you little butt-sniffer..."
Barney: [Interrupting] "Hey now, let's not get personal. I enjoy
a good ass-sniff as much as the next dog."
Miss Beasely: "What's your point?"
Barney: "That is my point. Republicans are big assholes!"
[Transcript Ends]

My agents are working to uncover additional portions of the transcript. Stay tuned for further developments.

(Note: no actual White House pets were harmed in the making of this post, however several Neocons were roughed up)


  1. MSNBC just reported that there are secret tapes of Barney being interrogated with "enhanced techniques". The tapes show that after valiantly holding out against the interrogators for 68 hours, Barney finally admitted that in late 2003, he "bit Laura on the ankle and she did, in fact, drop the "F"-Bomb."

    This is being counted as three of the instances in which the Administration has foiled a "terroristic" plan.

    In other news there is still no known video of Jim Wright doing his "Oh Yeah" dance. A Senate Select Committee has been named to investigate.

  2. Nathan, I've seen the video, or one similar to them during my training, and that's not what's on them at all. There's 14 hours of the President pretending to throw the ball, only to hid it behind his back as poor little Barney goes scampering off to look for a ball that isn't there. Both Condi Rice and Karl Rove can been seen in the edge of the frame, and you can here Dick Cheney comparing this to going quail hunting.

  3. I am prepared to make a political "donation" to whichever politico brings the Jim Wright "Oh Yeah" dance video to the public eye through the Senate Select Committee.

    You know you want to.

  4. Sorry, friends, I used to work for NSA, I've got friends. Those dance tapes destroyed in 2003. Didn't happen, wasn't there, you never saw me.

    bit Laura on the ankle and she did, in fact, drop the "F"-Bomb. Holy uptight conservative agenda, can you imagine? That's a tape I'd kill to see.

  5. Shh, can't say NSA.

    Oh, wait, they finally admitted Ft. Meade was there back in the 90s.

  6. Nothing threw us for a loop more than when the "National Security Agency, This Exit" sign appeared at the MD32 exit on the BWI Parkway. I damned near drove off the road one day, it startled me so much.

    Most old timers still won't admit it exists. It isn't called "No Such Agency" for nothing.

  7. Only remotely related to anything aside from being in the same broad realm of "politics", but has everyone else heard that Alberto Gonzales is ABA's Lawyer of the Year? (I first saw it on An Eric's blog.)

  8. Good Gravy! How did I miss that?

    That's what I get for spending the day in the shop, I missed the opportunity for a rant. Damnit, damnit, damnit.

  9. Heheh. Yeah I wondered why there wasn't one from you too. ;) But it's okay! You can still do it tomorrow!

  10. I'm going to pass on the ABA/Gonzo thing. Eric covered better than I ever could, and frankly for me the sarcasm would be like shooting fish in a barrel. Nasty, ugly bottom feeding fish in a barrel.


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