Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Bet he gets an earring too

Just For Men Commercial:

[Middle-aged guy shown lying sleepless and alone in a king-sized bed]
Voiceover: “Alone again, and how am I supposed to start over with all of this gray hair?”

Unspoken Translation: “I’ve dumped my middle-aged wife after twenty years, now how do I get me one of those 19 year old trophy bimbos so I can impress the guys down at the bar?”

Answer: Just for Men hair color (Viagra sold separately). Just a few treatments a week. Look twenty years younger. Nobody has to know. Chicks dig it!

Final scene: Smiling, middle-aged guy now with a full head of thick, dark hair running down the beach with a young blond. [Just as the smiling couple pass the camera, the girl drops her towel and exposes her tanned and thong clad rear. Pan and zoom, focus on her firm young ass as she jogs towards the surf] This could be you! If only you didn't have all of that gray hair.

[Fade out to tag line]
Just For Men Hair Treatment! Fueling America's juvenile wet dreams and helping shallow middle-aged assholes through their midlife crisis since 1975.


  1. Chicks dig it!

    Now we both know that's not true.

    I'm the only one my relationship who's allowed to dye her hair. Yes, yes, it's a double standard. Whatever. It's the rule.

  2. At least that commercial is a welcome break from the ones with Walt "Clyde" Frazier. How fucking annoying can you get?

    Speaking of annoying...video?

  3. Speaking of annoying...video?

    Aren't you the one who chastised me for bringing up that subject in the wrong thread? Oh sure, the rules apply to me, but not to you guys. Oh sure. Figures. See, that's why I don't live in DC anymore. Politician rules.

    As to dyeing your hair, Janiece. See, I've got no problem with women, or men, dyeing their hair. What prompted the post was the Just For Men adds that constantly show some guy my age lamenting that 19 year old, silicone enhanced bimbos just won't give him the time of day - BUT, a simple dye job and fame, fortune, and chicks will fall from the sky. They should call the product: Just For Shallow Assholes Who Need a Trophy Wife. And what really chaps my ass is that these are the same people who are driving around with the "My Shit for brains kid is a SUPERSTAR at Shit For Brains Elementary School" because, you know, that's how you instill self-esteem in your kids. Arggh!

  4. I think I love you. I wish I were 20.

    Now, if you could just do something about that grey....

  5. hell, I've had grey hair since I was 16. I'm now at the point where it's getting more salt than pepper. It took me a damn long time to get here why would I want to change that. Sure, if I could BE in my twenties again, I'd do it. But my body just won't do what it could back then (back, knees, hands, heck even my brain).

    Sometimes I am so ashamed of my profession (I used to do advertising). And not just because of the "sexual fantasy" type of commercial.

    Another thought, I used to say, "If she actually comes WITH the car purchase, sure." If the girl doesn't come in the box (must stop jokes here), I'll take three.

  6. With that last line I should clarify that bikini chicks (the type that just want to hang out on the boat because you have a boat), or as Christopher Moore calls them in A Dirty Job "fuck puppets", are interchangeable and disposable. They intentionally fill that gap/need.

    Real women (and thank the Gods for real women) aren't.

    There are also parallels with boy toys.

  7. Steve, yes, exactly.

    I guess my major beef with the commercial is that it that it implies that all women are so shallow that a quick dye job is all it takes to snag yourself one.

    And the women portrayed are always some gum snapping bimbo - which implies that this is every middle-aged man's fantasy. That we're all scheming to get ourselves some vapid, silly airhead.

    This irritates me, I don't know why, but it does. And just for the record, I'm graying on the sides - not that you could tell since I keep my hair cut high and tight. I like it.

  8. I agree w/ Janiece, the mirror belongs to me! (OK, the men can use it to shave without cutting themselves - but no hair dye, haircare products, or skincare stuff. Ewww.)

    The male artifice that really gets me is toupees. Do you really think you're more attractive if it looks like a wet cat died on your head?

    Every woman I know doesn't really care about a receding hairline - Patrick Stewart looks great! - and is utterly repelled by toupees.

  9. I don't, as a rule, have any beef with cosmetic alterations (hair dye, fake hair, liposuction, etc) per se, if those things help people feel better about themselves. I don't always understand the degree certain people will go to, but I do understand why some folks feel those things are necessary for their own self image.

    HOWEVER, I suspect that once you start down that road - well, it just never ends, and ultimately your self-esteem ends up being built on a pretty shaky foundation.

    Where I have a beef is when people do these things only to impress others, or to try to make themselves into something they're not. Those people will never be happy, never, never, never. Look at Michael Jackson, despite all that talent, fame, and fortune - he's a miserable bastard who intensely dislikes what he sees in the mirror. And it irritates me that we've made an entire industry based on the lack of self-esteem and unhappiness. We encourage it.

    Personally, for me, I tend to be a pretty self-confident guy nowadays. I'm happy with how I look, despite the fact that I'm certainly nobody's definition of male hotness. Other than my wife, I really don't care much what people think of me or how I look. I like who I am. This wasn't always so, but somewhere along the line I just outgrew worrying about it.

    Plus, I'm not much on the current definition of beautiful American hotness. I find a few wrinkles attractive, I like people who look like they are alive, have lived a bit. A couple of gray hairs, or more, speak to me of experience, life. They make somebody interesting to me. A lot of time, I find those plastic botoxed liposuctioned barbie dolls just a little, uh, creepy - like the fembots from The Six Million Dollar Man.

    Like, Jeri, I find things like toupees just silly. But I also feel that way about fake boobs. The ultimate silliness, for me, are men who get pectoral implants.

    If I go gray, or bald, or whatever - well, you'll just have to live with it. I don't much care.

  10. I'm happy with how I look, despite the fact that I'm certainly nobody's definition of male hotness.

    I'll bet Becky would disagree. Hotness is relative.

  11. Becky's judgment is suspect.

    (kidding, Dear, I'm kidding!)

  12. My last squeeze had a receeding hairline and great laugh lines at the corners of his eyes and frankly, I thought (and still do) that he was the cat's meow. Hotness (for me) is more about self-confidence and a sense of humor about oneself than anything else.


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