Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Things on the news, that I just don't give a crap about this morning

- George W. Bush brokering peace in the Middle East at the Annapolis Conference. Ironic? Yeah, you could say that. Idiotic? Absolutely, because when you've got to get help from GWB I'd say your pooch is already royally screwed. Worth watching? No, we all know how this story ends.

- Dick Cheney's irregular heartbeat. Don't give a shit, really. Unless it stops, that I would find interesting - unless it restarts, again.

- Barrack Obama's opinion of Hillary Clinton. Obama's Super-Tuesday campaign strategy is based entirely on the fact that he's not Clinton. How original, or at least Oprah thinks so. Yawn.

- Hulk Hogan's surprise divorce. What? Another fake TV wrestling personality and his bleached-blond, silicon-saturated, botox-fortified bimbo wife are getting divorced? Wow, didn't see that coming, mostly because I wasn't looking - and neither, apparently, was the Hulkster.

- Erik Estrada at a giant Disco for charity. The simple fact that CNN actually reported this story says more about their pitiful lack of credibility than any sarcasm I could generate. Really.

- Wild Fires in Malibu. Don't care. Mel Gibson, Malibu Barbie, and all their rich neighbors can end up in FEMA house trailers, do them good, builds character.

- Also: Britney, Paris, OJ, Drew Peterson, Trent Lott, Michael Vick, Low Consumer Confidence, or Dancing with the Stars. Just Don't Care.

Sorry, just thought it needed to be said - not that you care, of course. Heh, heh.

Update: It turns out that I also don't care about Hannah Montana/Mylie Cyrus or all the little sobbing 10 year-olds who can't get into her concerts. Just Don't Care.

What don't you care care about today?


  1. I used to have a make-believe magazine called "Who Cares?" To amuse myself, I would choose different celebrities and their pseudo-crisis-de-jeur to grace the cover. Like this:

    This week in "Who Cares?" magazine - Kobe Bryant date-rapes a young girl!...or did he? Who Cares!

    This week in "Who Cares? magazine - Paris Hilton exposes herself in shocking sex tape!...or did she? Who Cares!

    I'm sure you get the idea.

    Perhaps I should resurrect it!

    This week in "Who Cares? magazine - Erik Estrada at a giant Disco for charity!...or is he? Who Cares!

  2. Who Cares Magazine!
    For Intelligent People who just don't give a Flying Monkey Fart about anything that the general populace finds so fascinating!

    Now with No Celebrity Gossip, No Politics, and No Paris Hilton! Guaranteed to never contain pictures of Britney's Girl Gadget.

    This month's top stories:
    - We don't care if Princess Diana is dead, and we hope OJ is next!
    - Building a better world without Mel Gibson in it.

    Don't bother to write letters to the editors, because our editors don't care enough about your whining to respond!
    I'd buy it.

  3. I'd read it too! Don't forget your features on:

    Lindsay Lohan
    Kate Moss
    Anyone associated with High School Musical, The Hills, any celebrities endorsing politicians, and Amy Winehouse.

  4. Tania, yep, I pretty much don't give a crap about any of that either.

    Oh, and the news just announced that Stacy Peterson is probably dead. You think? Turns out I don't care, either way.

  5. Ahh... the bliss of not paying any attention to news whatsoever, and therefore not having a clue who the vast majority of those people are. I've found that if it's important, someone will blog about it or mention it in a forum somewhere. Thank you, everyone else, for being my news filter. :)

  6. MWT, happy to serve, happy to serve.

  7. I think that you should add a new weekly feature, Jim, clearly by popular demand:

    Who Cares Magazine (tm)* sponsored by Stonekettle Station.

    To be run weekly, monthly, or whenever your constituents truly couldn't give a shit less.

    *You have my permission to use my "intellectual property." And yes, I'm being sarcastic.

  8. We're gonna need a longer week around here.


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