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Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Jerkoff of the Week

You've got to love the logic behind this.

Two prominent supporters of Illinois Sen. Barack Obama's presidential campaign in South Carolina called state Democratic Party officials and urged them to keep funnyman Stephen Colbert's name off the primary ballot, according to party officials and Obama supporters

Apparently South Carolina Democrats were afraid, afraid dammit, that Colbert would take away votes from their little darling, Barrack Obama. And, of course, the potential threat of losing votes for your candidate is legal grounds for keeping the other guy out of the race. But, isn't that the American way?

When the American auto industry was circling the drain in the 70's due to Japanese imports, the attempted response was to try and eliminate the competition by banning imports, rather than, you know, actually building better cars for less money. Because apparently it was just too dammed hard to actually compete on our own home turf. History has shown that Detroit's strategy didn't exactly inspire confidence in their products and here we are thirty years later, and Japanese and European imports are still a better product for less money with much better reliability, service, warranties, and options. Great plan, guys, really super job.

With Detroit to inspire them, Barack's campaign supporters have apparently adopted the same strategy, only they've been a bit more successful - so far. They've got a glossy product, that's for sure. But I'm guessing that Barack's own people think he's more show than place in this race. Barack's own people, his most fanatical supporters, don't think he can win the South Carolina primaries in a fair fight. In fact, the actions by Obama supporters seem to indicate that they think he can't even beat a Comedy Channel comedian in a fair fight.

"I placed the calls as a concerned Democrat, realizing that we are a country in despair," [Bakari] Sellers [Rep, D-SC] told CNN. "It is not a time for games or to make a mockery of the process."

Oh, I completely disagree, Representative Sellers. When the country is in despair, it is precisely the time for games and mockery. I could use a laugh about now. I mean, come on, aren't you the same bunch of people who kept electing Strom 'I likes me the dark meat' Thurmond over and over? Games and mockery of the political process are a tradition in South Carolina.

Seriously, Representative Sellers, you honestly don't think your candidate can beat Colbert? You are actually afraid that Stephen Colbert, the 'truthiness' guy, will actually take enough actual votes away from Obama on his own home ground? Seriously? And so you justified keeping Colbert off the ballot, because he isn't a viable national candidate? Damn, Dude, if Obama can't beat Colbert on his own home turf, he isn't a viable national candidate either. Maybe you should get your own show on Comedy Central, I mean with a great comedic name like Sellers, how could you lose?

Seriously, in complete truthiness, Sellers, you are indeed a total jerkoff.

20 comments:

  1. Completely unrelated to your post (I tend to hate politics so darn much, I rarely comment or even think about it), but I laughed out loud just remembering Jeff Dunham. Did you see his other video, I think "Total Insanity"? It was WAY funnier than the first, and I thought the first was hilarious. :)

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  2. Shwan, I did see the Dunham bit. You're right, hysterical.

    Myself, I hate politics too, but can't seem to wean myself off of it. To me it's like a car crash, I've just got to slow down and gawk - even when I should be writing and not, you know, finding reasons not to write.

    Feeling better? Hope so.

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  3. Not terribly so, and to top it off, I had to pull an all nighter at work. So not only do I feel like crap, but now I'm buzzing on coffee and leftover Halloween candy (stolen from my children of course). Not conducive to "healing."

    I'd say the weekend is almost here, but that'd be a darn lie. :)

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  4. Sorry to hear that. Feeling like crap is hardly conducive to writing, unless, of course, you're writing about a guy who feels like crap.

    I'm buzzing on coffee this morning too. After I dropped the kid off at school I swung by the Starbucks and got a venti Caramel Machiato (Yeah, it's basically a liquid Milky Way Bar), now I'm home and drinking Folger's black and listening to Tracy Chapman. Gonna to need to take a break and eat something solid or I won't be able to keep my fingers on the keyboard.

    On the gripping hand, I've written over a thousand words this morning (most of it good stuff too, so you know, go coffee, go).

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  5. Jim, in the interest of "equal time for those that do the right thing, as opposed to nearly everyone in politics," may I suggest a competing segment to "Jerkoff of the Week?" You could call it "Anti-Jerkoff of the Week," or perhaps "Hero of the Week," or (in a complete nod to the geekiness of the clientele around here) "Jedi of the Week."

    It'd probably be harder to do, since the news mostly reports the Jerkoff's and not the Jedi's, but I'd be willing to help on the research. What do you think?

    P.S. Shawn, I hope you feel better. Being sick sucks, especially if there's really no possibility of calling in sick.

    P.P.S. Since I'm not a writer, I feel perfectly smug in cracking the whip on you slackers. Get busy!!

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  6. Nope, sorry Janiece. Can't do the 'Jedi of the week' thing. See, because by my thinking the Jedi are jerkoffs. I mean, come on, they've got extraordinary powers (or an extraordinary blood infection according to Lucas) and they can't even see a Dark Lord of the Sith who's in the same room with them? And then they go and walk into an ambush and get slaughtered by a bunch of bugs? The whole dammed Republic collapsed because of their stupidity. They caused the dark times, they caused the Empire. So, sorry, no.

    Hero of the week, yeah, maybe I could do that though. I've had a major one in mind for a while now, but I've been saving him for December 7th. He was a Chief too, by the way.

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  7. Hm. December 7th...I wonder what that refers to?

    I'm all about honoring our historical heroes, no doubt about it. But isn't it telling that the first thing that comes to your mind is an historical event and not a current event, while the Jerkoffs just leap out of the news at you?

    P.S. If you don't like the "Jedi of the Week," then how about "Dúnedain of the Week?" Still geeky!

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  8. "Dúnedain of the Week?"

    Hey, I like that! Great idea

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  9. But I like Stephen Colbert and think a Stephen Colbert/Dennis Miller ticket would be just the thing!

    My attitude toward politics is mixed fear and apathy. The system we have is so ineffectual - and yet so open to abuse - that it's laughable. That's why I'm a small "l" libertarian, who believes the least government is the best government.

    I, too, had a most-of-the-night systems deployment and am buzzing on my first caffeine in 3 months. No good coffee available at 2am though so it was a Rockstar. I should be using my lunchbreak to write manically! Or maniacally. ;)

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  10. I believe the singlular is "Dúnadan." So you can accurately honor individuals, as well as groups!

    Jeez, we're such a bunch of geeks.

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  11. Geeks rule the modern world, Janiece.

    Hear me? We rule! Bawhahahaha!

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  12. Did he say the "meek" shall inherit the earth? No, I beelive he said the "geek" shall inherit it. Slight typo.

    As an elected Democrat, I'm all for jokes and mockery in the political sphere. Bring on more Colber(t)s, says I.

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  13. As an elected Democrat

    I take it then that you won reelection?

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  14. Go Steve! A certified(able) Pub-lik Ser-vant.

    How much of your time does serving on the council take?

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  15. Huh. The things I miss by writing 5009 words yesterday instead of gallivanting around the Internet. :) How's everyone else doing?

    And I'd point and laugh at South Carolina, but unfortunately I live in Georgia.

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  16. Not as well as you, MWT, I made about 3000 words. And today I've spent blogging and posting on other sites.

    Time to get to work.

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  17. Jim, relected with a whooping 80 votes (which, if I've done the math correctly is about 70%). Considering that the election was uncontested (3 people for 3 seats), not exactly a stunning victory.

    Janiece, it varies form week to week. Some times only a few hours, some times almost 20 hours. And for that, and being fiscally and fiduciarlily responsible, I get a whole $200 a month (before taxes). Tonight's responsibilities include running my meeting (Streets, Lands and Buildings) and dealing with some one who is becoming a problem. Plus, I just had my #2 guy (I only have 2 employees) turn in his two weeks notice. Fun, fun, fun.

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  18. Steve, So being a pub-lik ser-vant is really just a huge pain the butt? I suspected as much, based on my volunteer work, but you have confirmed it. Bummer.

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  19. You must be the jerk off of a life time. I bet you feel stupid for lambasting such a smart, intelligent, forward thinking, uniting public servant such as Bakari Sellers. He is the youngest state legislature in the country, and what may I ask do you find funny about the last name Sellers? Obama overwhelmingly won in SC...i bet you feel stupid now. Why don't you continue reading an interview or statements made before you take one quote and disect it.

    -Sellers and Obama supporter

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  20. Blow it out your ass, Anonymous.

    The fact that Obama overwhelmingly won in SC is precisely my point, you moron. Sellers seemed to think that Obama couldn't do that with Colbert in the way. He and you, obviously, are idiots.

    As far as reading the rest of the interview, take a look around this site, dipshit, and you'll find that I'm a pretty big supporter of Obama myself. However, unlike you and your idiot congressman, I've actually got confidence in Obama's ability to win the election without resorting to insider maneuvering and dirty tricks. He's got a hell of a lot more class than that, which is more than I can say about Sellers.

    What do I find funny about the name Sellers? Click on the link you dumb fuck, that's what it's there for. Peter Sellers was one of the greatest comedians of the 20th Century. His name is legendary.

    So, here's the deal, you're entitled to your opinion of me, or the things I write here, yes even if you are a kneejerk asstard, but if you're going to comment, don't do it until you've done some actual reading around here. Yep, it's going to be hard for you, because I use words bigger than one syllable.

    So, until and unless you do something other than talk out your ass, you can go fuck yourself.

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