Saturday, May 10, 2008

Another Note on Procedure

Attention news people:

, wrong, wrong: "Tornado's wrath caught on tape."
Correct: "Tornado's [pick one: power, force, might, energy, intensity, etc] caught on tape."

Tornados and other natural events are not capable of wrath. Your job is journalism, try to do it professionally, please.


  1. I dunno, personification is a powerful way to express and describe situations/events/inanimate_objects. While I think, "The tornado raped the farming community and fled town in a Buick" would be a bit much, I'm personally OK with a wrathful description of a storm like a tornado. Those MF'ers are nasty. :)

  2. The tornado raped the farming community and fled town in a Buick

    The tornado was later spotted at a convenience, where the clerk reported that it was behaving strangely. It kept picking up objects and putting them down violently. After the twister left, it assaulted two teenagers in the parking lot and the clerk then called police.

    The tornado fled into a trailer park and caused considerable damage before disappearing. Police are still searching for it, and citizens are warned that it is armed and dangerous, and appears to be filled with wrath.

  3. Hurricane Dora, a known fetishist, descended upon South Florida yesterday and proceeded to piss all over everyone, men and women alike. Locals were overheard commenting that it was "just plain nasty". None were willing to comment on camera or to be identified as having been involved.

    In related news, Georgia Congressman, Paul Broun proudly announced that the hurricane had made a turn out to sea just south of the Georgia border, thus sparing his constituents. He was quoted as saying, "We don't approve of that sort of behavior here in God-Fearing Georgia."

  4. I think weather has more personality than some humans I've met.

  5. professional journalism...hahahaha!

  6. But how can we know that it's not God's avatar on Earth, meant to punish the wicked and test the faithful? All the weather is controlled by the Big Guy Upstairs.

    And dontcha all know that the Second Coming has just been delayed because of car trouble (who knew God was a Ford driver?)? That's what all our storms need to be wrathfully wrecking heck all over God's Half Acre. That's why sunshine needs to be blessing us with it's grace.

    Yes, I fully expect to hear from the Crazy Uncles and Aunts this week with the cyclone, earthquake, bad tornado season, volcanoes down in Chile, that how all this just goes to show how upset God is and how soon we're all gonna be raptured.

    Nope, I still haven't gotten that glass hat back from the shop yet. Why do you ask?

  7. Oh Yeah, Steve, I'm with ya here.

    I've seen all kinds of "End Times" crap of late.


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