Thursday, December 3, 2009

Ask Stonekettle Station

Today’s featured extra special search phrase, swear to God:

Where can I get shots to give me a big butt?

Dunkin Donuts?

J.Lo’s plastic surgeon?

A Tijuana clinic?

Your spam queue?



The internet, the culmination of 10,000 years of scientific and cultural advance, and this is what you use it for?

Yes, well, that and porn of course.



  1. Does this Internet make my butt look big?

  2. Do you really think so? I think the pron adds a little too much bulk.

  3. Do you really think so? I think the pron adds a little too much bulk.

    See this conversation, Gentleman?

    See how it appears cheerful and playful and innocuous?

    Don't be fooled.

    In the immortal words of the great military genius, Admiral Akbar, "IT'S A TRAP!

  4. I've got some extra donk in my ba-donk-a-donk. The questioner is welcome to it, though I don't think shots will be effective.

  5. A big butt? Why doesn't the person just eat more and be happy? Geez. Of all the problems to have.

  6. Scientists at the University of Montreal launched a search for men who had never looked at pornography - but couldn't find any.

    Me, my wedding ring, and Sir-Mix-A-Lot will just wander off quietly whistling...

    Verification definition: allio
    The brand name of a faux garlic sauce prepared from inferior ingredients that restaurants use instead of aioli.

  7. Like the famous character of Arthurian legend, Sir Mix-A-Lot, I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can't deny....

    Actually, Mensley beat me to the punch while I was loading the comments page. My salutations.

    Also, for a comment about butts, I have been presented with the captcha "rehea," similar, of course to the Greek "rhoia," or "flowing," which, per Wikipedia, gives us the suffix for the word "diarrhea," or "flowing through," which has an association with the buttocks. I just thought you might like to know.

  8. I have a friend who is a court reporter and she told me a story about the saddest deposition she's ever been part of.

    A woman, called her G, was regularly employed as a model by local advertisers. She and her agent were stretching the envelope, looking for a wider world of employment for her. She was offered a playboy shoot, a real, legitimate, photographer with a track record of sales to Playboy and other such magazines, no less.

    She decided that her butt was a little too big, so she scheduled butt-liposuction about six weeks before the shoot date, so there would be all the healing time necessary.

    Something went tragically wrong. She woke up with NO BODY FAT whatsoever on one side. The saline implant to fix the problem set off a cascade of auto-immune reactions and had to be removed. She was in constant pain because the fat in your butt is there for a reason.

    And her career was ruined.

    Scary scary scary.

    (My word is ricas, which is a good spanish word.)

  9. Lauren,
    You might say her career bottomed out.

    (Thank you, I'm here all week!).


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