Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Stonekettle Station Ridicules Your Questions, Internet

Today’s search phrase:

Why doesn’t my powermatic cigarette rolling machine work right?

What? It’s not killing you fast enough?

Smoke in your eyes?

Because it’s a cigarette rolling machine, not a doobie rolling machine?

It’s really a pasta roller, try making ravioli. (Duuuuuude, you shouldn’t buy stuff when you’re stoned)

Um, didn’t the whole “roll your own” fad go out with fondue parties and the McGovern campaign?

Now you try.


  1. This shows you how naive I am. I never realized you could buy a machine to do it for you - except on factory mass production scale.

    Just think of the giant doobies you could roll with your new lathe. ;)

    That'd keep your basement dwellers tranquil and quiet.

  2. I dont know the brand name, but I had one in the 60s that used Zig Zag paper, pouches of cigarette tobacco were sold over the counter and I used it for tobacco.

    Later I found other uses. I stopped smoking anything but sausage and fish in 1974. OK, I've also smoked chickens and turkeys and a standing rib, but you know what I mean.

    'If you can remember the 60s, you weren't there.'

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  4. Dude, it's a conspiracy by the cigarette manufacturers to keep your from making your own cheaper cigarettes, thus forcing you to buy their more expensive pre-made cigarettes.

    Dude, it's a conspiracy by the chemical companies to keep you from making cigarettes from additive-free tobacco.

    Dude, it's a conspiracy by the manufacturer of the device. It only works for the one year it's under warranty, and the warranty just expired, requiring you to buy a new one.

  5. Hm. Just got back from Amsterdam - I suppose I could have investigated the technology.

    I didn't, other than the unavoidable aroma wafting in the streets: that whole Federal employee thing makes me a bit paranoid. US Customs was convinced my large, long-haired, male travelling companion did indulge, though he didn't, but eventually let us back in.

  6. Hey, watch it...I still make a great fondue on occassion, and it's a family tradition at the holidays.

    Of course, it does get interesting when I bring the bowl of leftover fondue cheese home in my carry-on. TSA sez it's ok as it's not a liquid or gel! Although one time they threatened to confiscate it along with any bread I might have packed along with it... ;-D


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