Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Dear Obama Hating Conservatives

Thank you.

Thank you for keeping your kids home from school today.

Thank you for taking a stand.

Thank you for making a statement.

Sincerely, thanks for that.

I admire your conviction. 

I admire that you’re willing to use your kids as unwitting pawns.

Again, thanks for that.

Thanks for teaching your kid that it’s OK to stay home from school because your parents are idiots.

Thanks for teaching your kid that political beliefs are more important than education.

Hopefully what you’ve taught your kids today will be the beginning of a trend and they’ll take to ditching school on a regular basis.


See, your kids are my kid’s competition.


Yeah, that’s right. Your kids are who my kid is going to be up against in life. 

Now, my kid is a seriously smart kid, gifted even, he’s in the advanced placement classes – but, still, it’s a tough world out there and any advantage you can give him is appreciated.

Every time your kids misses school and drops a little further behind and lets my kid move up another notch, thanks for that.

A couple years from now, when your kid scores a solid 700 on the SATs because you didn’t want him to hear a president you don’t happen to like telling him to stay in school and study hard, well, really, thanks for that.

When your kid doesn’t make it into college, freeing up space and assets and money for my kid, thanks for that.

When my kid and your kid want to go to medical school and my kid has a sound grounding in biology and your kid thinks that sickness is caused by government inoculations and magic fairy dust, well, really thanks for that.

When my kid and your kid are filling out grant paperwork and my kid has a solid education in science and your kid thinks the Earth is 6000 years old and that vegetarian dinosaurs lived on the Ark with Noah, thanks for that.

When your kid and my kid are applying for the same job and my kid explains how he was inspired by the president and your kid explains how the president is really the enemy of freedom and an illegal alien in a rubber human suit, really, thanks for that.

When my kid is running his own company and your kid is serving him French fries at lunch, thanks for the courteous service and there’s a mess in the men’s room that needs looking after.

When my kid is running the country and your kid is mowing his lawn, thanks for that and don’t forget to weed the flower beds.

When my kid is driving the latest car and your kid is the one who changes my kid’s oil at the Jiffy Lube, thanks for that.

When my kid has full health coverage from his excellent job, and you kid’s health plan is “don’t get sick” because the Quickie Mart doesn’t offer benefits and there’s no national health plan, thanks for not raising my kid’s taxes and good luck proving you kid’s worth before the death panels – also this might be the time to explain how we’ve got the best health care in the world, just sayin.

When my kid changes the world and your kid wonders what happened to his life, well, really thank you so very much for that and I’m sure you can take comfort in the fact that at least your kid didn’t turn into a gay socialist Canadian.


I told my kid, Look, look at President Obama, listen to what he says today.  He’s proof positive that if you work hard and study hard and stay in school that anything is possible. Education is key to the universe.  Obama was a poor kid from a broken home and yet with hard work and perseverance he got one of the best educations our country has to offer – and that made him the equal of, or better than, any rich privileged asshole who’s family bought his way into the White House. Today Obama is the President of the United States and the most powerful man in the world. He’s gifted and articulate and educated – and his handicaps were far and away more difficult than anything you’ll ever know.  If he can do it, so can you. You can be anything. That’s his message. Listen to him and believe. Be inspired.

So, thanks, Conservatives, for keeping your kids home today.

Thanks for telling them to tune out.

Thanks for not inspiring them.

Thanks for telling your kids that they shouldn’t believe.

Please, do more of it in the future. By all means.

Thank you.


  1. Commie lover.

    A good point Jim, the ones who were kept home and 'educated' the way God really meant, will be the ones mowing the lawns.

    Not my lawn, I'm real happy with the service I get from the Hispanic mowing the lawn across the street.

  2. I remember writing a similar anti-drug commercial.

    Something along the lines of, "You think you're all creative and can use computers better than anybody else. You're my competition. Here, have some drugs. Thanks for taking yourself out of the game, it's already a competative field."

    The idiocy of the conservative movement, and their tilt off the deep end into whackaloonary is just staggering. I'm tyring to save a few, but just like tyring to rescue someone who is drowning, they're fighting me all the way down.

  3. I started a post sort of like this, but didn't get around to finishing it. Thanks for doing it better than I could've.

    And thanks Obama-hating conservatives.

  4. Thanks for posting the upside of crazy conservatives. Unfortunately, there is a downside also. They become their parents -- stupid, racist, angry conservatives.

  5. I started to comment along similar lines to JC--that the downside is that these kids will grow up to vote for people like Palin. But then I remembered convicted felons can't vote. So nevermind.

  6. BRAVO!!

    Thank you Jim. Could not have said it better myself.

    Just think, tonight should be just as much fun as yesterday!

  7. Thanks for cutting away the bull and telling it like it is.

  8. I've been way to foamy on this topic to post anything. I remember a time when parents taught their kids that once an election was over, the guy who got elected was "everybody's President", no matter how much they might disagree or despise the man. That's saying a lot, considering the fact that Nixon was in office from my ninth birthday through my fourteenth.

    (I won't say they weren't pleased when he resigned and I won't say they didn't throw things at the TV when he was talking, but they never told me I couldn't watch the guy because he was Satan.)

  9. But they never told me I couldn't watch the guy because he was Satan

    And look how you turned out. Nobody should be exposed to Nixon as a child, they'll never be right.

    Yuk yuk

  10. "gay socialist Canadian"

    Hey! We're not all socialists.

  11. I'm going to have to follow you, got linked in through Scott Elyard's Facebook.

    Is it just me or is the lunatic fringe seeming less fringe and more lunatic everyday?

  12. That mess in the men's room? Caused by mouth-breathing morons who don't know where to aim because the world is their toilet. Ones who have no sense of being kind to the next user of the men's room. Where oh where do such people come from? Who could do such a lousy job of parenting that their kids soil public places?

    Oh wait...

    Dr. Phil

  13. Ah, yes, Nixon...one of those eternal do you remember where you were when... moments.

    Nathan, I well remember where I was the night he resigned, one of the TV rooms in the student union at UNC-G. My group cheered, another group left in a huff, others pointed and laughed.

    Then we all went to the local pizza pub to grab some grub and tasty adult beverages. There we celebrated or drowned sorrows, depending on which side you were on. But we respected each others opinions and there was no name calling or rancor. Hey, the constitution worked and we were thrilled.

  14. The night Nixon resigned was the first night I worked overtime for what was become one third of what would become the liberal media. Helped wrestle a studio camera down to State and Lake and ran it whild the news anchor did man on the street interviews.

  15. Damned Excellent, Jim! Thanks!

    Here's a chuckle via redubbed clip from 'The Bunker'.


  16. Hmm... I was 9. I don't recall Nixon's resignation as a memorable event. :( Political uninvolvement started early for me, I guess.

  17. I'd recently turned 4 when Nixon resigned.

  18. Thanks for that clip, Karl. Hysterical. That's exactly how I picture the GOP meetings right now.

  19. hehheh I don't think they're even that organized.

    I cracked up at the end...

  20. My conservative, homeschooled son is now at a top engineering school.

    Just out of curiosity, what was your reaction when Bush spoke to students and Congress had hearings?

    Cassie, who was 15 when Nixon resigned

  21. Cassie, I have no doubt that the vast majority of the children of conservatives do just fine in school and in life. I have more conservative friends, relatives, and acquaintances than liberal, vastly more - and most of them turned out just fine.

    HOWEVER, your party has been hijacked by the batshit crazies, and it's getting worse every damned day. Birthers, Creationists, Jingoists, Nationalists, deniers of every stripe, gun nuts, anti this and anti that, the Palins, Becks, Coulters, and Limbaughs have stolen your party and they aren't doing you or you kids any favors whatsoever. They especially aren't doing their kids any favors, and in fact they are putting the next generation, at least those who they have direct influence over, at a severe disadvantage in a highly competitive world.

    Conservatives were afraid that Obama would "indoctrinate" their children into "socialism" with his one hour address to school children.


    Real vote of confidence in your belief system there, when one hour by the Magic Negro can undo your entire lifetime of parenting. Really. Fear much?

    What we're talking about here, Cassie, is beyond reason, beyond logic, beyond common sense. It's fear, it's bigotry, it's bizarre, it's hate for hate's sake, it's insanity.

    To answer your question regarding my reaction to Bush speaking to children: It is the same reaction as it is the current president. It is the duty of the President to lead, to set the example, to inspire. As much as I utterly despise George W. Bush, it was his duty as President of the United States to address the nation's citizens, including and especially school children - just as it is Barack Obama's duty to do so.

    And as much as I utterly despise George W. Bush, I took my son to meet him and hear him speak (We were invited as military guests to an address he made to military commanders) because he was the President of the United States. We stood respectfully and listened to him speak, though I disagreed with damned near everything he said and his speech patterns were like nails on a chalkboard to me - but we showed him the respect he was due, and when we shook his hand we did it respectfully - because he was the President of the United States.

    And as much as I utterly despise George W. Bush, I have both a military officer's commission and a certificate of military retirement hanging on the wall here in my den, beneath my sword and sextant - both are signed by President George W. Bush - and I display them with pride and honor. He was my Commander in Chief and I served him and the nation to the best of my abilities.


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