Thank you for keeping your kids home from school today.
Thank you for taking a stand.
Thank you for making a statement.
Sincerely, thanks for that.
I admire your conviction.
I admire that you’re willing to use your kids as unwitting pawns.
Again, thanks for that.
Thanks for teaching your kid that it’s OK to stay home from school because your parents are idiots.
Thanks for teaching your kid that political beliefs are more important than education.
Hopefully what you’ve taught your kids today will be the beginning of a trend and they’ll take to ditching school on a regular basis.
See, your kids are my kid’s competition.
Yeah, that’s right. Your kids are who my kid is going to be up against in life.
Now, my kid is a seriously smart kid, gifted even, he’s in the advanced placement classes – but, still, it’s a tough world out there and any advantage you can give him is appreciated.
Every time your kids misses school and drops a little further behind and lets my kid move up another notch, thanks for that.
A couple years from now, when your kid scores a solid 700 on the SATs because you didn’t want him to hear a president you don’t happen to like telling him to stay in school and study hard, well, really, thanks for that.
When your kid doesn’t make it into college, freeing up space and assets and money for my kid, thanks for that.
When my kid and your kid want to go to medical school and my kid has a sound grounding in biology and your kid thinks that sickness is caused by government inoculations and magic fairy dust, well, really thanks for that.
When my kid and your kid are filling out grant paperwork and my kid has a solid education in science and your kid thinks the Earth is 6000 years old and that vegetarian dinosaurs lived on the Ark with Noah, thanks for that.
When your kid and my kid are applying for the same job and my kid explains how he was inspired by the president and your kid explains how the president is really the enemy of freedom and an illegal alien in a rubber human suit, really, thanks for that.
When my kid is running his own company and your kid is serving him French fries at lunch, thanks for the courteous service and there’s a mess in the men’s room that needs looking after.
When my kid is running the country and your kid is mowing his lawn, thanks for that and don’t forget to weed the flower beds.
When my kid is driving the latest car and your kid is the one who changes my kid’s oil at the Jiffy Lube, thanks for that.
When my kid has full health coverage from his excellent job, and you kid’s health plan is “don’t get sick” because the Quickie Mart doesn’t offer benefits and there’s no national health plan, thanks for not raising my kid’s taxes and good luck proving you kid’s worth before the death panels – also this might be the time to explain how we’ve got the best health care in the world, just sayin.
When my kid changes the world and your kid wonders what happened to his life, well, really thank you so very much for that and I’m sure you can take comfort in the fact that at least your kid didn’t turn into a gay socialist Canadian.
I told my kid, Look, look at President Obama, listen to what he says today. He’s proof positive that if you work hard and study hard and stay in school that anything is possible. Education is key to the universe. Obama was a poor kid from a broken home and yet with hard work and perseverance he got one of the best educations our country has to offer – and that made him the equal of, or better than, any rich privileged asshole who’s family bought his way into the White House. Today Obama is the President of the United States and the most powerful man in the world. He’s gifted and articulate and educated – and his handicaps were far and away more difficult than anything you’ll ever know. If he can do it, so can you. You can be anything. That’s his message. Listen to him and believe. Be inspired.
So, thanks, Conservatives, for keeping your kids home today.
Thanks for telling them to tune out.
Thanks for not inspiring them.
Thanks for telling your kids that they shouldn’t believe.
Please, do more of it in the future. By all means.