Immediate Opening for 1 Clueless Jerkoff.
Responsibilities include (but are not limited to):
- Going to the 'express checkout' lane with an entire cartload of junkfood and other crap of your choice. Paying with a check, despite the sign that says 'Cash only.' - You must not have proper ID (must be able to use stupid excuses such as 'Doh! I must have forgotten my Driver's License', despite having your wallet).
- Driving slowly through the parking lot talking on your cell phone (must have own phone). When approaching someone (me) obviously waiting to cross the lane into the parking lot proper, do not stop. As you pass me, be able to ignore my look of irritation, wait for me to begin stepping into the road, then stop for no apparent reason so that I nearly walk into the side of your truck.
- Taking the maximum amount of time to exit the parking lot, so that I have time to get in my vehicle and end up behind you.
- Driving 35 in a 55 zone, holding up traffic to the maximum extent possible.
- Must be at least 50 years of age. Old enough to know better and old enough to make people wonder how you survived this long (mystery is an essential part of the Clueless Jerkoff job).
- Must be wearing a Cowboy Hat three times the size of your head - or larger.
- Must be able to simultaneously light a cigarette and dial your cell phone while behind the wheel, slowing to a near stop in the middle of the intersection on ice covered, slippery roads while ten people are attempting to turn behind you.
- Must have own truck. Truck rear bumper must have at least three stickers with bible slogans. Must have a Jesus Fish on the tailgate - larger is better.
- Must NOT know what a fucking turn signal is.
Yes, I had to run to the store for one lousy item. It should have taken two minutes, tops. Instead I ran into the king of idiots, in a white, step-sided, short bedded Ford pickup. If I'd have gotten his name I'd have posted it here - because it pissed me off just that much.