Friday, June 26, 2009

Ask Stonekettle Station

Jim is on vacation in the swamps of the Florida Panhandle. Speak up, he can't hear you over the sound of NASCAR engines...

Stonekettle Station answers important Internet search queries:

Question: Can a member of Mensa like me be happily married to a non-Mensa member?

Answer: Like you? No.

You're welcome

Mensa, still proving that the top 2% are assholes.


  1. Top 2% of what? Test takers? 'Cause it sure ain't the top 2% of humanity.

  2. Well, it's a mixed marriage. A culturally stunted ignoramus to a non-mensa person. Doomed to failure I say. And the kids wouldn't be so fun either.

  3. As always, I have to confess I see all sorts of nuance in this question. Maybe it's because I'm a lawyer, and that's how law school warped my brain. E.g. before answering the question, I would need to know the answers to various questions like, "Is the non-Mensan in question in a deep coma?" Or, how about this pair of interelated questions: "Are you an American citizen and is the non-Mensan trying to become a legal resident of the United States of America?"


    As always, reality is so complicated....

  4. Strangely, I find that if one substitutes the term "lawyer" for "mensa" one still gets the same answers...

    Yuk yuk, I kill me.

  5. Eric- it's a novation to the Mensa contract...so the mixed marriages can exist. Has to be couched in plain language though, none of that fancy legaleze or Mensan.

    (guess what I was working on the last week or so...)


  6. You should hope not, Jim: when two lawyers spawn, what do you think the odds are of producing another lawyer? It's just like inbreeding.

  7. P.S.

    Also, Jim: the top 103% of lawyers are assholes.

    On a related note, 3% of lawyers are really bad at math.

  8. Not the lawyers I know, they start calulating 45% of a settlement long before the door closes on the initial client intake interview...


  9. Down here is something I've never seen before, Ambulance Chaser billboards.

    Chaching! Car Accidents Hurt! Call Billie Joe Squeezem and get paid!

    Got a settlement but it's in annual payments? Bubba "Big" Johnson Esq can get you all of it now. Start living life again! It's your money, why wait?

    And like that. It's fucking bizarre. If I was a lawyer I'd be embarrassed.

  10. If I was a lawyer I'd be embarrassed.

    Is that possible?

  11. Is that possible?

    Well, as the ancient philosopher Platypus once said, "Have lawyers no shame? No shame at all? The answer my fellow countrymen is no, a thousand times no."

    Who am I to debate the wise Platypus?

  12. We've told our boss, a Personal Injury attorney, that if we EVER catch him on a sleazy billboard, bus, tv, singing on tv, double-wide phone book ad, whatever...we're done.

    So far he's listened.
    No "One call, that's all" for us.


  13. Not just the billboards. Advertisements in the phone books. And not just in the Deep South either, as we had those with our phone books when I was in Indiana, too.

  14. Actually, in all seriousness: a lot of us lawyers find the advertising shennanigans of our "colleagues" pretty embarrassing and offensive.

    I have a stack of mailers from lawyers and chiropractors that may be fodder for a blog post when I work up to it.

  15. In NYC both the ambulance chasers and the quacks advertise in the subways. (All my Doctors practice out of NYU which frowns on such malarkey).

    Why can't we go back to the far more tasteful ads for porn movies and shops in Times Square? I really don't care if Doctor Zitsmore, the dermatologist, will personally see me or not.

  16. NTSC, down here in the Panhandle, the hospital emergency rooms advertise. "Need a Doctor Real Quick? Santa Rosa Emergency Room!"

    They're for profit, can you tell?

  17. For profit, or for morons?

    "Hi, 911? I just accidentally chopped my own hand off and I think I need to go to... um... ah... oh, crap! You know! That place with the big billboards, the 'Need A Doctor Real Quick' place! Um, Chuck-E-Cheese... no... uh... Channel 37 Accuweather... no... oh, crap, it's on the edge of my tongue! Not the place with all the fish that I should take the kids to, the other one! Dammit! Help me out, here! What's it called?"

  18. Here in Atlanta if you want a really BIG and hidious ad, you have the option to "wrap" a MARTA bus or train car with your message.

    So it is perfectly normal to have buses one right after the other with wraps for competing real estate companies, sleazebag attorneys, restaurants, museum exhibits, whatever. Colorful, yes, tasteful, NO.


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