Thursday, August 7, 2008

Why Jim is a Jerk

I am nothing if not helpful.

So, in order to help inaugurate the new www.jimwrightisanasshole.com site I'm opening the post up to comments regarding why I am indeed an asshole.

I'll start:

- Jim Wright does not tolerate dissent on his blog, it's his way or the highway.

- Jim Wright hates the First Amendment, he deliberately stifles free speech on his blog. He doesn't know the difference between trolls and a polite difference of opinion.

- Jim Wright hates born again bunnies who fart rainbows and sunshine and fly when they think happy thoughts of Jesus. Everybody likes bunnies, but not Jim. (This actually is not true, Jim likes bunnies, deep fried with spicy rainbow sauce, and he especially likes flying bunnies because they're better for skeet shooting - which, of course, makes him a big fat jerk).

And like that.

Now you try.


  1. Jim Wright is a piss-poor journalist! Do not expect unbiased reportage of news anywhere close to his "so-called" blog!

  2. anywhere close to his blog

    In other words his assholiness is so big that it is leaking through into the blogs on either side of stonekettle station. Soon the entire internet will be poisoned! Somebody call Al Gore!

  3. Jim Wright can quickly and easily identify asshats, and well, it takes one to know one, right?

  4. More, give me more! I will not tolerate commenting laziness!

  5. I thought it was Unicorns not bunnies who have blessed indigestion.

  6. Oh NO! I'm right next to "the Station." Just one click away! I've probably ALREADY BEEN POISONED by the assholiness... Quick... Must run away... Their is only thing too do. Need alot of Bunny-butt sealer...

    Damn! Comments like that are hard to write. They make my head hurt.

  7. I thought it was Unicorns not bunnies who have blessed indigestion.

    So you're saying that I didn't do my research, is that it? oooooh, I will not stand for that kind of dissent. Be gone! :::rustles around on desk, pushing aside empty whiskey bottles and heaped ashtrays. The pistol, where's the dammed pistol?:::

  8. I'll save you the trouble and just delete my own fucking comment...Asshole!

  9. Nathan, are you commenting from work?

    Keep it up, and I'll tell Steven Segal that you like Jean Claude Van Damme better and consider him a real actor.

  10. Tell both of them thinks Mike Myers is a better martial artist than both of them combined.

  11. No, John, you're supposed to disagree with me - e.g. "You don't know what your talking about over their, Jim Wright is NOT an asshole alot of the time!" Then go on to explain, scientifically, why "Jim Wright is ruining the country for the rest of us!"

    Dammit, John, if you can't follow the rules....

  12. o.O

    I came here expecting to see sunshine and rainbows and bunnies riding ponies, and it's THIS??? I'm traumatized for life and it's all Jim Wright's fault! T.T He's a big fat meaniehead and needs to be removed from the Internet before he causes any more harm to anyone else. I mean, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

  13. Jim Wright is really a pseudonym, his real name is Jim Wrong!

    (I know, I know, it sounded lame in my head too)

  14. Jim - I got a Ph.D. so I would not have to follow anyone's rules.



  15. The Opposing Political Views of Jim Wright (or Wrong?)

    As a perfect example of his assholery, Jim Wright is a Bush Republican. He blindly follows where our CinC leads, without questioning.

    --A Democrat


    Jim Wright hates Our Illustrious Leader -- he is NOT a Bush Republican. How can be a former military man and not support the CinC? That just goes to show what a jerk Jim is!

    --A Republican

  16. The numerological value of "Jim Wright" is 117. Looking up the Wikipedia entry for the number 117 leads to a whole bunch of crap about math. Nathan hates math, and he has a hard life because all of the restaurants in his hometown hate him and serve him stinky food that's been brined in spoilage or refuse to deliver pizzas to his home. Therefore, Jim Wright's very name makes life harder for Nathan, who deserves our sympathies because he's hungry. Which makes Jim an asshole.

    (Tho' in all fairness, Jim's name is not a killing word like Muad'dib's in David Lynch's version of Dune. So you can shout it at people without hurting them. If you want to for some reason.)

  17. Jim Wright not only believes that President Bush is right about everything he does, he spends time with Dick Cheney at the "undisclosed location" where they practice shooting old men in the face.

  18. Jim Wright things that Bai Ling is attractive.

  19. Junk's


  20. Jim Wright believes that teh GAYZ are ruining the country what with their waiting equal rights and all.

  21. Jim Wright makes his son do chores to EARN his allowance.

  22. Jim Wright and Dick Cheney outted Valerie Plame over the yellow-cake documents.

  23. Jim Wright told Matt Drudge that Prince Harry was in Afghanistan.

  24. Jim Wright killed Eric over a toaster.

  25. ::breaking character here::
    I got a Ph.D. so I would not have to follow anyone's rules.


    I swear, I nearly spit my tonsils out laughing at that.


    This Jim Wright guy is starting to sound like somebody I'd like. I guess that makes me an asshole.

  26. And Jim Wright doesn't even like yellow cake, his favorite is Chocolate. What an asshole.

    Warren Zevon wrote Mister Bad Example after a run in with Jim Wright.

  27. It was Jim Wright who inspired Jimmy Buffet's I-95 Asshole song, after Wright cut off Buffet on the highway and then gave the singer the finger, after mispronouncing his last name as booofay. Jerk

  28. Justifies


  29. Jim Wright hates banks because banks only want to help people and Jim hates helping people.

    He also keeps all his money in his mattress, which doesn't contribute to the economy at all!

  30. Jim Wright Hates banks so much he doesn't have any money!

  31. Jim Wright drives his truck in low range at 60MPH, with the air conditioner on and the windows open in order to reduce his gas mileage. He does it deliberately to increase gas prices for everybody else and because his wanton disregard for fuel efficiency has directly increased the global mean temperature by not less than 2 degree. Asshole.

  32. It's not that I'm a species snob, Steve, it's that I'm such a control freak and can't tolerate dissent to such a degree that I'll only allow one kind of tree to grow on my property.

  33. I am late to the party but here goes. Their is only one tru reesin why Jim Right is an ASS HOLE, He chooses to be!

    Which makes me a dork for hanging out with him. Sheesh what a buttheaded glutton for punishment I am.
    and he leaves my tools all dusty all the time too!

  34. I am a nomimus guy. I swear I don't work for the people 2 hoom you were a asshole and I'm not righting to defend them from there very own place of bizness and even if i was u can't prove it cuz I em a nonimus.

    Yeh Asshole. Fuck U and the pickup trk u road in on.

  35. "Two Girls, One Cup" was Jim Wright's idea, but he usually refuses to acknowledge it because "they" compromised his original concept by "watering it down and making it too nice." His words, not mine, direct quote, kid you not.

  36. I'm trying Jim...but...I'm Canadian..
    We can't be mean to ANYONE! it isn't in our chemical make-up.

  37. Ha! Even Canadians think Jim Wright is an asshole - that's how big of asshole he is.

    Kimby, personally I love Canada - especially the Corner Gas part of CTV. Brilliant, absolutely fucking hysterical. Brent Butt is a comic genius.

  38. Jim Wright's entire VHS and DVD collection consists of nothing but lousy remakes of classic movies and an almost worn-out and unwatchable copy of The Italian Stallion.

  39. Nonimus is pissin' in ur flourbeds.

    Hah! Take that Asshole.

    (HeeHee. This is fun).

  40. Nonimus just crapped on ur 12" radial saw. And turned it on.

  41. Nonimus is walkin bearfoot thru ur livingroom with dirty feet. Cuz ur a asshole.

  42. Nonimu says, "Oh Crap! I wuz logged in."

    Doesn't matter. Ur still an asshole.

  43. In November of 2004, noted atheist, scientist and writer Richard Dawkins was invited to Vatican City to engage Pope John Paul II in a friendly discussion about religion and science. Dawkins's trip to Rome, where he was booked to stay during his visit, was miserable: his flight was delayed twice for almost nineteen hours, his luggage was lost en route, his hotel had double-booked his room and tried to offer Mr. Dawkins a broom closet and cot on the third floor, and he suffered a minor case of food poisoning during breakfast the day before his appointment and spent much of the subsequent afternoon, night and following morning on a toilet that clogged up around 9:30 that evening.

    As you might expect, Mr. Dawkins was in a rather foul mood.

    The meeting began badly, with His Holiness unintentionally asking Mr. Dawkins an insensitive question about Mr. Dawkins' mother (in all fairness, His Holiness' staff had slipped in their research and briefing, and His Holiness had absolutely no intention of being anything other than a polite host despite his obvious disagreements with the renowned critic of organized religion). After some further awkward small talk, His Holiness asked Mr. Dawkins why he found it so difficult to even entertain the possibility of the existence of a divine creator.

    The interpreter present at the meeting tells us that Mr. Dawkins, pale and gaunt looking after the ordeals of the past few days, narrowed his eyes and appeared to be chewing on something. Then, the interpreter says, Mr. Dawkins leaned in very close to His Holiness, pushing the interpreter aside, and whispered two words in English to His Holiness, just barely loud enough for the interpreter to catch.

    "Jim Wright."

    Five months later, Pope John Paul II was dead.

  44. Jim Wright is such an asshole that he hangs out with 27" TV Guy.

  45. almost worn-out and unwatchable copy of The Italian Stallion.

    Flesh Gordon actually.

    Nice job, nonimous. True troll style, being logged and all, I mean.

    ::narrows eyes. He has found the pistol. Now he's looking for the ammo box::

  46. And Jim Wright gave Dawkins food poisoning. Yes he did, just because Dawkins once looked askance at Jim Wright's dog.

    In fact, Jim Wright is such as asshole, he actually used the word "Askance" in a comment.

  47. Jim Wright has at one time or another in his life been rejected for membership in:

    Oprah's Book Club
    The KKK
    The ACLU
    The John Birch Society
    The Knights of Columbus
    The Elks
    La Leche League
    The International Order of
    The Sierra Club
    The Cub Scouts (Pack 4212)
    Veterans of Foreign Wars
    The NRA
    The Log Cabin Republicans
    Little People of America
    Jews for Jesus
    and the Britney Spears Fan Club.

    Now that takes being some kind of asshole indeed.

  48. Jim Wright has at one time or another in his life been rejected for membership in....

    And yet the International Organization For Lovers Of Tentacle Porn actively tried to recruit him for eight years and only stopped after their computers and mailing lists were seized by the IRS in 2007. Sort of makes you think.

  49. ROFLMAO. And my husband is looking at me askance. This is just so unexplainable. Especially nonimous. :-D (I know, it's not not about the asshole that is Jim Wright, but the freaking world doesn't revolve around you...).


  50. the freaking world doesn't revolve around you

    Well, well, aren't you clever. What are you? Some kind of freakin' brain surgeon?

    I don't even have to look your IP up, Notymous, I know where you live.

    heh heh, sorry, I've been waiting to use that "Brain Surgeon" crack all dammed day.

  51. La Leche League


    ::milk::nose::choking sounds::

  52. Oh wait, I choked on milk laughing about the La leche league comment. It's a pun! A milk pun! I made it, and I didn't even get it! Holy Cow! I am an asshole!!!!!!

  53. How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways.
    I loathe thee to the depth and breadth and height
    My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
    For the ends of Being and dismal mediocrity.
    I loathe thee to the level of everyday's
    Most urgent piss, by cloud and power failure.
    I loathe thee freely, as men strive for inoffensiveness;
    I loathe thee purely, as they turn from a well aimed sledgehammer.
    I despise thee with a passion put to use
    In my old gleeful moments, and with my childhood's faith.
    I abhor thee with a hatred I seemed to lose
    With my lost stinky tofu, --- I detest thee with the breath,
    Growls, hemmoroids, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
    I shall but execrate thee better after death. (well, yours anyway).


    Disclaimer: It actually feels mean hitting the publish button on this one...but I shall overcome my hesitance.

  54. Seriously, Nathan, you've got way, way too much time on your hands here. I hope you're not neglecting your work duties.

  55. It's 10:00 out here on the east coast: Nathan's probably waiting for a delivery sandwich or a pizza. Plenty of time to kill, in other words.

  56. Eric, when I'm waiting for undeliverable food, I'm much too busy calling repeatedly and telling them what a bunch of Jim Wrights they are. (New internationally recognized synonym for asshole.)

  57. You want faster service, tell them you are Jim Wright - and you're coming down there...

  58. You want faster service, tell them you are Jim Wright - and you're coming down there...

    And get more of that stinky tofu? I don't think he'll chance it.

  59. From what I understand, Jim Wright is stinky tofu

  60. Beastly pointed out that Jim Wright is such as egotistical asshole that he himself claims credit for inventing the jimwrightisanasshole.com site.

  61. Jim Wright is such an asshole that Satan himself can't stand him, and we're stuck with him because Satan wouldn't let him back in hell even if hell did, in fact, become Alaska... er, freeze over.

  62. Uh,

    Jim Wright totally gets credit for the establishment of jimwrightisanasshole.com. Natalie get credit for making it a reality, but Jim Wright is the asshole who said, "Let's call an asshole an asshole."

    His ability to recognize his own personal assholeyness is his only redeeming virtue.

    I'd tell Beastly to give him a break, but he's suffering all of this first hand, so gets every benefit of a doubt.

  63. Nathan;
    Suffering is a pretty word to use here. "His Assholiness" is what he requires me to call him when I enter the shop or reach for tool on his designated side of the shop. He always takes the last cup of coffee leaving drizzles behind, he ate the last chocolate cookie yesterday and sics his cats on me everytime I enter the house, knowing that I am allergic to these furry little monsters.

  64. Per Beastly, then: Jim Wright is such a huge asshole he's uses housecats in place of watchdogs.

    Ponder this, people.

    First, it means he's put the cats through a training program that compels them to overcome their innate lethargy and actually care about protecting a piece of property that doesn't contain food.

    Second, for all of a cat's virtues, a single clawing feline can't possibly compete with a thick-jawed mastiff clamping his jaws like a bear trap onto an intruder's leg or arm. So Jim Wright has to sick multiple cats onto trespassers.

    Thirdly (or maybe this is "2A", I'm not sure--we'll say "thirdly"): housecats are small and, unless we're talking about Princess Chunk, who wouldn't chase an intruder unless he'd spent the earlier part of the day at a tuna cannery, cats are more easily shaken off than large, growly dogs. Jim Wright makes up for this with volume. He assumes that for every cat that latches onto an intruder, four or five cats will be thrown or kicked away, and injured or killed in the process. Jim calls these acceptable losses and has an arrangement for disposal already made with two restaurants in Nathan's neighborhood. I'm not at liberty to say which ones, but neither serve Chinese food, so lose the stereotypes.

    Fourth: even under the best of conditions, the number of housecats who aren't knocked away are unlikely to do more than leave painful scratches and welts on an intruder's shins and calves. Jim has two answers to this.

    The first is something he likes to punningly refer to as a "catapult," though it bears slightly more resemblance to a gatling gun. The only nice thing we can say about this device is that it's surprisingly green, working on essentially the same principles as a water rocket.

    The second is that Jim Wright has trained his cats to "kittenpile" intruders. There have been three trespassers who have run afoul of Jim's "wall of furry death." Two were fatally smothered, one remains in a persistent vegetative state at a local hospital. It's worth mentioning that one of the "intruders" was a little girl trying to raise money for her orphanage by selling magazine subscriptions and the other two were invited onto Jim's property by Jim himself with a promise of free beer. Jim went to the trouble of actually sending the second of these invitees a written invitation in the mail. Jim recycled a birthday card.

    So, what kind of asshole is Jim Wright? Jim Wright is a man who shoots people with cats that have been trained to suffocate people he's asked to come over. Most of the cats die in the process, and end up as pizza toppings in Brooklyn. (Okay, that's another hint for you Nathan, but that really is the last thing I can say about it.)

    So you tell me. What kind of asshole is Jim Wright?

  65. Lies, counselor, lies.

    Oh, it sounded convincing, but your case has a fatal flaw - Jim Wright would never offer free beer to anyone, even in jest.

  66. Jim Wright is such an asshole that when he does cry, his tears spread all the STDs he contracted while working at a sex show in SE Asia that specialized in man/octopus relations.

    STDs he could've got cured with some antibiotics, but he's such an asshole he just doesn't care.

  67. Rephrasing Terry Pratchett, Jim Wright is so terminally an asshole that he almost comes out on the other side as a saint.

    [Meh, that sounded better in my head than it is in print]

  68. Jim Wright has the cure for cancer, he just chooses not to share. What an asshole.

  69. To ensure he was the dominant preditor on the planet, Jim Wright killed all the dinosaurs, with his bare hands. Asshole.

  70. Me:
    the freaking world doesn't revolve around you

    Well, well, aren't you clever. What are you? Some kind of freakin' brain surgeon?

    I don't even have to look your IP up, Notymous, I know where you live.

    heh heh, sorry, I've been waiting to use that "Brain Surgeon" crack all dammed day.

    Asshole. You can't seem to getthat I am not a brain surgeon. I don't get my hands dirty, although in your case, I'd be happy to try out trephining or something for the very first time...

    And so what if you know my address? You live half the freaking planet away from me.

    Notymous (wondering if poking a stick at His Assholiness is an especially bad idea)

  71. trephining?

    Well, I do have a headache this morning, trephinin actually sounds like a good idea to me at the moment.

    Now, where'd I put that electric drill and the carbide bits?

  72. Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
    The Dude: No you're not wrong.
    Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?
    The Dude: You're not wrong Walter. You're just an asshole.
    Walter Sobchak: All right then.

    I am sorry, I just remembered. Substitue as needed. Apologies.

    The Dude Abides.

  73. Jim Wright is such an asshole that he purposely made Anne and I late for our first day at Denvention because we had to wade through seventy-four side-splitting comments in this thread before we could leave the house.

  74. Ah, so we're doing movie quotes now are we?

    Well, then I'm going straight for my favorite canceled TV show:

    Rube: I have a question for you... is everyone in this line an asshole?
    - Dead Like Me

  75. Hey, If I can't be at Denvention, well nobody is going to enjoy it.

    Have fun, guys. Kiss Scalzi on top of his bald head and tell him it's from some asshole in Alaska, will you?

  76. "I'll only allow one kind of tree to grow on my property."


    Jim Wright won't give anybody a free beer, what an a-hole.

  77. Steve,

    Jim is such an asshole, you run the risk of having your comment deleted for substituting a-hole.

  78. Not that I am in any way, expressed or implied, obligated to agree with Nathan, but yeah, Steve, what Nathan said.

    Margaret Kramer: Don't say "freaking", Russ. If you have to use the "F" word, go for the gold.
    - My Fellow Americans

  79. Fuck you.

    If I want to say a-hole because I think the other term is naughty, then I'll damn well say a-hole and there's not a fucking thing you can do about it.

  80. Holy crap, now little Michelle is getting Warrant Officer and shit.

    Somebody has been hanging around the Sailors way too much, me thinks.

  81. Someone has been working with php and MySQL this afternoon.

    goddamnnogoodfuckingpieceofshit codethatwon'tfuckingdowhatI fuckingwantittodogoddamnit.

  82. Jim Wright invented php and MySQL, and made it a goddamnnogoodfuckingpieceofshit to frustrate hardworking people everywhere. Asshole.

  83. Trust me (heh), even Jim Wright is not a big enough asshole to invent mySQL. And Jim Wright hates SQL with a passion boarding of the heat of ten thousand blue suns, see Jim Wright spent a significant part of his life coding custom database queries on DEC and VAX based military machines. Jim Wright does not care if he ever sees another DECcluster again as long as he lives, unless it's being used as a boat anchor. It is entirely possible that he is the way he is because of these systems and the idiotic software created by the lowest bidding government contractor retards who stuck him with it.

    He also, apparently, likes to talk about himself in the third person. Asshole.

  84. Hey Asshole,

    When did we stop speaking fucking English in here?

  85. And based on participation here, Jim is not only an asshole...he's a fucking comment whore too.

  86. Jim, I don't feel I know you well enough (or you, me) to call you an asshole, but I sure am enjoying this comment thread.

    You all crack my shit up. :D

  87. I don't feel I know you well enough (or you, me) to call you an asshole

    Well hell, Cindi, that has never stopped anybody before :)


    Nathan, am not.

  88. Also, Cindi, I would never call you an asshole, even in jest - your sister might hurt me.

    See? I'm apparently a cowardly asshole too. ;)

  89. Believe me, Jim, I won't need my sister to hurt you. Who do you think she learned to defend herself from? Heh.


    ::runs away fast::

  90. Jim is an asshole because he's not amusing me!

    Damn it! I had a rough week! Entertain me!

  91. Blogger is Currently Unavailable?!

    What the hell is up with THAT?!


  92. Well, I'd be more of an amusing asshole if I didn't have a headache, and if it would just stop raining!

    Dammit, it started out sunny today, Beastly and I thought we'd finally get a decent day in. But no, two hours ago the sky turned black as Dick Cheney's heart and it started pouring big sabertoothed cats and feral stripped dogs - then there was the hail. Marble sized. And the temperature dropped. Argh!

    I need to do fine work today - two dozen small wooden spoons, which Beastly turns on the lathe, then I split into two blanks on the bandsaw, then the dish gets hollowed using the Fordam Tool, then they get carved salmon on the handles - it's a contract job for a lady who makes ceramic sugar jars. Beastly is also turning a dozen honey dippers today. And the cold and damp is not helping. My hands just don't work right in this kind of weather. Argh Again! Dammit.

    I am not amused. Not. Which will make me an even bigger asshole than usual.

  93. Cindi, I'm with you. I was the older sibling too :)

    So let's be assholes and talk about Janiece, since she's obviously off with the rubber head crowd.

  94. If I want to say a-hole because I think the other term is naughty, then I'll damn well say a-hole and there's not a fucking thing you can do about it.

    Michelle, you crack me up.

    Jim, I think it's clear - you're an inveterate asshole.

  95. More likely he's an invertebrate asshole.

    ::Yeah, I'm running::

  96. Oh no, Nathan, I'm vertebrate. I just got back from hiking and I can feel every dammed vertebrae, so I know.

  97. By the way Jim, I totally meant to send you here days ago.

    He's an asshole!

  98. Dennis Leary is quite possibly my favorite comedian.

    My ranting has, upon occasion, been compared to his - especially the "Coffee Flavored Coffee" bit. I consider it a compliment.

  99. I was thinking more the George Carlin of Naval Warfare, but Leary is a fair comparison as well. Of course, you never went on a rant about Cindy Crawford. Asshole.

  100. I thought you must be deployed, Vetraino, I hadn't heard from you in a while.

    And you must have pretty big balls to be calling me of all people an asshole. Asshole. ;)

  101. They've found the best way to keep me from fixing things is to keep me building power points and briefing them til my eyes bleed.

    Was discussing a trip to someplace new, but was told I was 'indispensable.' Which I believe is shorthand for 'flexible enough to support manpower triage.'


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