Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Wake up, 'Merica!

As I'm sure most of you are aware, many online news agencies allow commenting from the general rabble under certain articles, kind of an instant "Letter to the Editor" blogger thing going on there.

Something I've noticed:

If the phrase "Wake Up America!!!!!" appears anywhere within the comment, especially at the end, then it's a surefire bet that the commenter is a complete gibbering freeze dried wackaloon.  In fact, the phrase "Wake up America!!!!!" (a minimum of five exclamation points are required) is a pretty good indicator that the commenter is one of the following:

1) an "Abductee" of some kind

2) somebody who lives in a "Compound"

3) someone who knows the truth about the supposed NASA moon landings and the "Face on Mars"

4) Miley Cyrus

5) one of those two guys who found a bigfoot carcass

6) roughly sixteen years old and filled with the Jebus

7) pretty much anybody born and raised in Texas

8) a resident, full or part-time, of an "Institution"

9) someone who wears a tinfoil hat, or Kleenex boxes for shoes, a surgical mask, or those blue nitril gloves out in public

10) a Neocon Republican



I'm off to run some errands, back in a bit.


  1. "One of these things," as they used to say on Sesame Street, is not like the others." You don't think the guys with the "bigfoot carcass" don't know exactly what they have in the box and what they're doing with it?

    They're as much freeze-dried wackaloons as Edgar Allen Poe was when he breathlessly announced the first Atlantic crossing by balloon.

  2. I thought a key phrase was, "you people"?

  3. I just included that to see if you were paying attention.

    And those two idiots have just admitted to the whole thing being a hoax (No! Say it ain't so!), the "Carcass" was just a costume, according to the news.

  4. What! It's not an opossum-human hybrid?!



  5. Isn't SCIENCE where you start with your your conclusion and warp your facts and findings to fit?

  6. No science has something to do with how radiocarbon dating is crapola, I think. And dinosaurs.

  7. Science has nothing to do with dinosaurs: those dumb scientists think dinosaurs ate meat when the Bible is quite clear that they lived off of nothing more than coconuts and love. And the occasional unicorn. No wait, I didn't write that part! Yes you did! Aghhh! Begone, Satan! Never! Don't you dare click the publish button, you evil hoofed bastard! Just watch m

  8. Speaking of bigfoot, I was surprised and amazed to see on a History Channel “documentary” (I use that term lightly) that a recording purportedly from a bigfoot that experts were not able to identify as a known animal or bird came from Columbiana County in Ohio. Just for giggles, I googled and found a website where you can play the various bigfoot “calls”:


    I don't believe in bigfoot, but I must admit that the recording made my skin crawl.

    Granted, there was a Wyandot chief named Big-Foot who was killed by one of the brothers Poe (either Andrew or Adam, depending on which source you read) in Columbiana County in 1782. I guess this would be the most recent official Big-Foot sighting.

  9. #10 is redundant with most of the list. You're repeating yourself, Jim. :)

  10. Well, I dunno, Steve, I have it on good authority that Miley Cyrus and the bigfoot guys are liberals

  11. Whale she-it! I'm shore glad I weren't born there. Juss raised-up in Texas, thas all.

    Wha chew got agin Texas? You know, mosta them ole boys ain't never been moren 50 miles from where they was hatched. How'd they even git somewheres to where you coulda herd about 'em?

  12. Uh, Tom? I think you have to have a 75baud dial up connection if you're going to use that type of language. Also a hat and BIG ass belt buckle.

    Just saying


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