…Every single car and truck has a GOD Bless America bumpersticker, and I mean every. single. one.
…Kilian’s Irish Red is whatcha call “That Fancy Imported Beer.” Real beer is the kind with its name printed on the side of NASCARs.
…You drive one block and count 25 “Pray for our Schools” campaign signs.
…You can’t buy alcohol on Sunday, and yet everybody seems to have plenty – usually in a cooler, in the front seat, right next to the driver.
…The number of churches and the number of bars are in equal balance – and the number of seats in both exceeds the local population by a factor of ten.
…It is so Goddamned hot that if I owned this place and hell, I’d rent out this place out and live in hell.
…There is nothing that can’t be breaded and fried. Nothing. Including a 3-speed manual transmission from a 1974 Ford F50, which you just happen to have two of sitting next to the front door, by the fridge.
…The high school parking lot is cracked and full of weeds, at least two windows are covered in plywood, and the paint is peeling, much of the hurricane damage from Ivan three years ago is still not fixed. The Baptist church next door, on the other hand, is a brand new shining multi-million dollar steel and glass temple of air conditioned splendor. Maybe the school needs a few more Pray for Our Schools signs out front.
…Willie Nelson is considered one of the greatest actors who has ever lived, he’s a pretty good singer or something too.
… and you see things like this:
See the part that’s circled? Yeah, see, that’s the phone line, attached to what was the top of the old telephone pole, the one destroyed in the last hurricane about three years ago. Apparently that couple of feet was OK. So you know, ya’ll’d be crazy to throw that out, even though it’s not actually supporting anything and is in fact only about four feet off the ground. Besides the two poles on either side are mostly OK. Mostly. Probably.
Odd how the phone service is intermittent though, the phone company can’t seem to figure it out…