Jim is on vacation in the swamps of the Florida Panhandle, he has been outflanked by female relatives...
Wife: (repeating statement, adding emphasis) Chairs. We need chairs.
Wife (speaking slower and louder so that the stupid male will understand): We need to make sure we have enough chairs.
Wife (Sounding exasperated at the obvious density of husband): We. Need. Chairs. For the 4th of July. For the fireworks.
Me: Uh...OK. Isn't there like...uh...ground people could sit on?
Wife (through gritted teeth): We need to make sure we have enough chairs for people to sit on. We're going to the park. To watch the fireworks. On the 4th.
Me: It's just fireworks in the park.
Wife: Things need to be planned out.
Me: OK. I'll go count chairs.
(Now you would think that any woman that would plan days in advance, at somebody else's house, to make sure we have enough chairs for people to sit on, despite the fact that the park is full of nice green grass and picnic tables and car trunks and etc, would plan everything down to the finest detail.)
Some time later:
Wife: Uh oh.
Me: la la la la lalalalalalalalaa.
Wife: I said uh oh.
Me: Damn. You know, it's not the heat so much as the humidity.
Me (relenting): Is this about the chairs. Are we short a couple?
Wife: I think I forgot the power cord for my work computer.
Wife: Shut. Up.
Me: Exactly, that's what I'm saying, it's the friggin humidity...
Sometime even later:
Me: Say, Jimmy and I are going to run over to the Aviation Museum. I think I'll go over the new Garcon Point bridge and through Gulf Breeze to Pensacola. Mind if I borrow your TomTom GPS thingie?
Wife: Sure. Here you go.
Me: Where's the car charger?
Wife: Well, see here's the thing...
Me: You didn't bring the car charger?
Wife: No. I figured I could charge it off the USB port on my computer.
Me: Your work computer?
Me: The one you don't have an AC adapter for?
Wife: You're walking a very thin line here, Buster.
Me: Exactly. Does the humidity seem worse today? because it seems worse to me...
Sometime even more later:
Wife: You know, we need to make sure we have enough chairs.
Me: For the 4th of July. I hear ya. I picked up a couple extra at the Exchange when Jimmy and I were on the Navy Base today just to make sure we had enough. Because I love you.
Wife: I suppose we could just sit on the grass...
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