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Thursday, June 25, 2009

New Rule

Jim is on vacation in the swamps of the Florida Panhandle, pity him.
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In response to a number of recent moral failings by prominent republicans and culminating this week with South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford's marriage reinforcing dalliance with an Argentinian national, the Republican Party of Superior Moral Non-Hypocrisy Family Values has decided to change its anti-gay rallying cry to:

Marriage = 1 man + 1 woman + 1 hooker + 1 neighbor's daughter + 1 one congressional aide + 1 illegal alien nanny + 1 one campaign office secretary + 1 foreign intelligence operative + 1 farm animal of your choice + plus various guys you meet in public restrooms + 1 underage congressional page + 2 divorces + 3 episodes of alcoholism or drug abuse (with or without a secret homosexual liaison which doesn't count because God forgives you because you were high and you've been "rehabilitated") + 1 secret bastard child by a woman of a hyphenated-American race who was once your family's maid. But no Goddamned queer marriages because Jesus hates them and doesn't want them to be married because that would destroy traditional marriage and moral values. So there and let us pray.

They're having a little trouble fitting it on the bumper-stickers though.

12 comments:

  1. Yeah, you'd have to be right on/up someone's ass to read print that small... oh, wait...

    nevermind

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wait, they get to choose their farm animal? Lucky bastards.

    ReplyDelete
  3. In the Florida panhandle, farm animal choose you...

    ReplyDelete
  4. ::spews Coke all over keyboard at last response...again!!::

    Wait, they have farm animals on the Redneck Riviera??? Oh, wait, that's why all them boys go down there for vacation.

    What?

    WendyB_09
    Lunch is over, have to stop now...

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have a rule, no drinks near the computers at home. At work, the rule is you mouse with your right, you drink with your right. Ergo, you never have your drink in your hand as you web around.

    Jim gets kickbacks from the computer companies. He's going to put his kid through college solely on monitors and keyboards.

    Bastard.

    Dr. Phil

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey Jim....thats simply the Republican Code of Conduct..

    Nothing has changed.

    Most just don't have the nuts to fess up...

    Uncle Ted comes to mind... !


    ya better get home...you're missing the good weather and salmon.

    ReplyDelete
  7. If Detroit would only bring back the 57 Desoto, there would be bumpers big enough for the
    sticker.

    And AlaskanDave, if Ted Kennedy had been driving a VW Beetle he would have been President.

    ReplyDelete
  8. ntsc: er... I think that was "Uncle Ted" Stevens that AD was referring to. If he'd been driving a VW Beetle, maybe the "Bridge To Nowhere" would have been smaller and cheaper?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Correct Eric....

    I just assumed everyone knew who Uncle Ted is/was..

    He's been out to pasture, and out of reach and usefulness to the companies that paid for his work "above & beyond" what the citizens of Alaska elected & trusted him to do.

    I suppose we'll now have suffer his comeback.

    ReplyDelete

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