This week’s batch of creative spam.
Well, see, except this is also apparently Dr. Gretchen West, Dr. Barry Gorur (in drag I’m guessing), Dr. Rosaline Kidd, Dr. Goldie Moore, Dr. Donna Claude, and about fifteen other “Doctors” of various names. Clones I’m guessing. Seriously, if you’re going to include a random name with a picture of a skanky ho, you probably shouldn’t be sending it multiple times with multiple names to the same address, Dumbass. Also, I did not visit your website and I don’t need my life changed, I like it just the way it is. Skank free. Thanks.
Be like a 16-year old in bed! Inexperienced? Clumsy? Over enthusiastic? Not having a clue as to what you’re doing? Hair trigger? Not particularly discriminating? Not really sure how all the parts fit together? Drunk? Reeking of Clearasil Zit Cream? Afraid your folks are going to catch you? Alone?
Men will see your power in every public shower! Aren’t there laws against this sort of thing?
Give her 3-hour rodeo! Ever hear the one about rodeo sex? See when you’re making love to your wife, you slap her on the ass really hard and say “That’s how my girlfriend likes it!” …Then you try to stay on for eight seconds, Yeehah!
Give her animal desire! Uh, uh, uh, you know I’m not even going to touch this one. And you keep your girlfriend away from my dog, I’m warning you. He bites.
You can forge the perfect male thing yourself like a professional blacksmith. 2500 degree cherry red furnace, molten metal glowing white hot, giant iron mallet, sparks flying, big sweaty guy with bulging biceps and forearms like Popeye in a pair of assless chaps … you with your male thing on the anvil…
Now you don’t have to get bigger shoes to trick women around you. Does this work? Really? Because I’ve got a set of size 12 Knee High Baffin Boots out in the shop…
Even if you are ugly women will still want to sleep with you. And if you’re not ugly you’ll have to beat the bitches off with a stick!
We’ll hamper your confidence! I don’t think “hamper” means what you think it means.
Women will stare at your bulge with their mouth open! Oh, they already do, they already do.
How to eliminate all your yacht or boat expense NOW! Sink that son of a bitch and collect the insurance! Run drugs from Columbia to Miami for South American drug lords! Smuggle in Illegals from China! Seriously nothing chaps my ass like those pesky yacht expenses.
Win the manhood fight every time! Pole vaulting? Sword fighting like gladiators? Jousting, naked on horseback? Wrestling? That must be what they meant about public showers.
Deeper into her entrails! Entrails? What am I, Hannibal the cannibal Lector? Jesus Christ.
Now you can poke your big impressing tool into everybody’s business! Hey, it’ll be just like an Italian subway! Poke poke. Chicks dig that. This is especially effective if you're a teacher and it's tenure review day in front of the school board...
Authentic Fake University Diplomas. I can picture the interview now: and here’s my credentials. They look fake. Oh, they are, absolutely authentic fakes. Excellent. So about this job here at the art museum? Yeah, you’ll be certifying all our incoming forgeries as authentic. Cool, right up my alley.
Hey, it’s Friday, what were you expecting?
Enjoy your weekend, and try not to stick your big impressive tool where it don’t belong, eh?