OK, no TV today.
I'm still in pain this morning, the shoulder is better, but it hurts to turn my head. The pain in my neck caused me to wake up with a headache - which isn't surprising, since I went to bed with one.
Then I turned on the news - and it was like somebody jammed an icepick through my eye.
Somebody do me a favor - hold Britney Spears' head under water until she stops twitching. Please. Honestly, does anybody expect this empty-headed twit to live a long and happy life? Eventually she's going to commit suicide, or overdose, or drive her BMW through a Starbucks and over a cliff. It's inevitable. So, let's just get it over with, then the rest of us can get on with our business. Cold? Heartless? Yeah, that's me. I don't know what's more revolting, her drug-addled commando nihilism or the crazed mob of camera waving human diarrhea that camp out at the end of her driveway, or the fact that people the world over are actually interested in this woman's train wreck of a life.
Oh wait, as it turns out I do know what is more revolting - Huckabee's tent-revival smugness this morning, Praise JeeeZus! See, that's the problem with democracy - we have to let the idiots vote, and there's more and more idiots every day. The same people that compulsively surf the internet for pictures of Britney's nasty girl gadget are the ones who think the Huckster will make a good President - you know, because he's a preacher. Just what we need, another squinty-eyed conservative retard in the Oval Office who thinks Jesus talks to him personally.
Way to go Iowa.
Since Britney's career is basically head first in the toilet, maybe she could be Huck's running mate. Why the hell not? Look at it this way, since we've managed to turn our government into a joke anyway - let's go big. The whole world is laughing at us already, I say let's laugh with them.
Think about it - Huck and Brit. There's some real advantages here:
1) No more evil vice president who secretly runs things from behind the scenes. Britney couldn't organize a salad fight down at the Beverly Hills Taco Bell. Hell, she doesn't even get out of bed before 2PM, honestly how much damage could she do?
2) Major energy and time savings. Consolidating the frothing mobs of reporters who follow both Britney and the VP around into one group saves us all time and money. We'd get both our political and entertainment news all in one shot. Think of the savings! And truthfully American Politics and the Entertainment Industry aren't really all that different. Think about it, both generate mindless followers, heaps of money, bullshit, and crazy religious twaddle faster than an L. Ron Hubbard brain washing. Let's lump it all together and simplify the process, that's what I'm talking about.
3) Huck's a Republican Conservative, an ordained Baptist minister, the bass player in the band Capital Offense, and he used to be the Governor of Arkansas - now, you tell me, is that a recipe for a little cigar smoking in the Oval Office or what? With Britney as the VP, well, at least he won't have to go far afield - cheap nasty sex complete with VD, booze, drugs, and scandal all in one convenient package. Just saying.
4) Truthfully, when Britney shaved her head, didn't she look a lot like Dick Cheney from the ribcage up? And at the rate Britney's pounding down the booze, jowls and the spider-veined red nose aren't far away. Put a pair of glasses on her and we wouldn't even have to change the VP pictures in every government building. More savings for the tax payer.
5) He plays bass, he's got his own band. She's a singer and a dancer and has her own groupies. Do I have to spell it out? It's the perfect match, like the Brady Bunch - if Mike and Carol snorted coke off a hooker's ass with a rolled up page ripped out of the bible.
6) Seriously, Huck and Brit, really could they do any worse than the current dipshits? Really, how bad could it be, comparatively speaking? I mean we're basically faced with no good choices, mostly it's a matter of voting for the lesser of evils anyway. In fact that would make a damned good campaign slogan: Huck and Brit 2008! No Good Choices!
7) And finally, we'd at last find something for Paris Hilton to do. With Britney in the VP's office, it's inevitable that she'd see her old friend on the cabinet - Secretary of State I'm thinking. Or maybe a nice ambassadorship somewhere - say Baghdad.
Yeah, OK, I'm done here. I'll be out in the shop if you need me.