Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Attention, Internet

As I mentioned, my ISP upgraded my cable moden yesterday.

It came with an interesting new feature.

Note the button on the right, the one labeled "Internet On/Off"

That's right, I now control the Internet.

Seriously, you don't want to irritate me - because I will turn the whole Internet off if I have to. I will.

One push of the button, that's all it takes. So, you know, behave yourselves. I am not kidding.


  1. Okay, you win. I'm sorry I called you a misanthrope.

    Please don't take away my Internet...

  2. This still doesn't make you a doctor or a nuclear physicist - just a tin-pot dictator with delusions of grandeur.

    (Please leave my Internet on - I don't want to have to commute to Seattle to work.)

  3. My finger, Jeri, is on the button. Tin Pot? Sure you want to go there?

  4. I dare you. Heck, I double-dog dare you.

    Go ahead and do it...Asshole!

  5. Don't make me pull the internet over, because I will, and then you'll all be sorry.

  6. Jim, just remember, while you may have a shiny new Internet on/off button, I can control whether or not that box can actually connect to the internet to execute the on/off command.

    Tin. Pot.

  7. Ha! After the last couple of days, I'm not sure exactly what your company controls, but it sure isn't the Internets.


  8. Jim, we have no problem ensuring your connection is OFF. It's the ON part that's a challenge. :D

  9. You're not a communist! I love Crystal Skull! Pl ase d n't tu n off m in rnet--he , w at are yo d ing? S op pl yi g wi h t at b ton! S p t at! Yo b st d! S p! D mit! Ar rg !

  10. Who in their right mind gave Jim this power?

    Seriously? Were they on CRACK? Did they really expect Jim to use his powers only for good?

  11. Well, Michelle, my guess would be Senator Ted Stevens, Alaska's foremost internet expert. He probably convinced the Senate that Alaska's expertise in oil pipelines would carry over to internet tubes, and so only an Alaskan would have the experience and ability to control the internet.

    Jim probably came to the Senator's attention when Jim's work on Governor Palin's qu lif ca ons for of ce be am k own to t e wor--he ! S p t at! D it! H 's d ng it a a n! M ke m s op! He p!

  12. Oil Pipeline? Well, that sucker is 48 inches in diameter - talk about bandwidth!

    And I suspect that Stevens is just a tad distracted at the moment, but considering the hash the prosecution has made of the case, I'd suspect he's grinning just a little in private at this point.

  13. I, for one, welcome our new Internet Overlord!

  14. I triple dog dare ya! (ha! and I live within driving distance of that damn house).

    Sure, but that's a big brick o' technology.
    (obligatory obscure reference)
    If my casio calculator watch battery runs out, we lose the Eastern Seaboard net.


    Don't make me shake my Etcha-a-sketch. We'll lose Usenet.


Comments on this blog are moderated. Each will be reviewed before being allowed to post. This may take a while. I don't allow personal attacks, trolling, or obnoxious stupidity. If you post anonymously and hide behind an IP blocker, I'm a lot more likely to consider you a troll. Be sure to read the commenting rules before you start typing. Really.