Sunday, April 18, 2010

Breakfast Meat

Beef Bacon…

…is not my new favorite bacon.


Don’t get me wrong here, it tastes like bacon (with sort of a smoky beef jerky undertone – bacon and beef jerky, honestly if you’re going to kill yourself, you could do worse), it feels like bacon, it smells like bacon. It is bacon, but made from a cow instead of a pig.  It's seems to be lower in fat – but I seriously doubt that it’s any better for you than pig bacon in any way whatsoever.

It’s not bad, I like it, but it will never replace pig bacon as undisputed king of crispy fried fat.

I would rate beef bacon higher than bacon made from any kind of fowl, higher than both turkey and ostrich bacon certainly.

I would rate it way higher than moose bacon, which is more like the aforementioned beef jerky since moose is pretty deficit in the fat department.

I would certain place it on the bacon scale far, far above porcupine bacon (don’t ask) and fried muktak - sort of a bacon made from whale or seal blubber (think the texture of three day old dog shit that has dried in the sun with a robust taste like fermented fish heads and polar bear ass). 

And it beats the ever living hell out of tofu bacon – though technically it is tofu bacon, it’s just that the soy beans have been processed through an extra step.


Be it bacon, ham, sausage, or a chop - here at Stonekettle Station, the pig is still the undisputed champion of the breakfast meats.



What’s your favorite breakfast meat? Or meat-like substitute?

Think carefully, as always the wrong answer will get you expelled from the Bunker, there to live out your short and miserable life upon surface of the zombie ravaged earth with Anonymous and her banjo.


  1. IF there is any other meat for breakfast than thin-sliced pork bacon fried crisp, it might be fresh ground pork sausage patties. IMO sausage still comes in far distant second to bacon.

    I've had beef bacon. My experience with it was pretty forgettable, so I shall.

    All those other things (and thanks for the heads ubout the fried muktak/polar bear ass) serve some purpose, I guess. Whatever that purpose is, it won't be anchoring down the hash browns and eggs over medium on MY plate in the near future. :-p

  2. Bacon. Duh.

    Well, or good Pennsylvaia ham (not a fan of southern ham as much, but PA ham is excellent). Or sausage. There are some good poultry sausages, but breakfast sausage must be swineflesh.

    Says the woman who had oatmeal for breakfast.

  3. *nods to Phiala* I like ham in Denver omelettes.

    I'll usually still order bacon on the side, though. :)

  4. Pork bacon is the BOMB. In fact, cured meats in general are the BOMB, including Chorizo.*

    ::says the woman who typically doesn't like mammal meat because it's too fleshy::

    I think I'll skip the dog poo-polar bear ass flavored stuff, though.

    *No, Beastly, I do NOT want to know what's in Chorizo. LALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

  5. I wouldn't want it every day, but nothing beats a steak with breakfast.

    Case closed.

    (Even Zombie steak will do in a pinch.)

  6. Well Scrapple is pretty good, especially the real stuff.

    I cure and smoke my own bacon and make my own sausages, mostly pork, but I've done turkey, chicken and lamb. Peperone is beef by the way.

    What kind of chorizo, I make 3.

    Maybe I'll start posting about it again, but Ruhlman and Polcyn's Charcterie has some great reciepes and rumor has it they are working on Vol. II.

    hoter - what my smoked chorizo is.

  7. I would point out that the picture in my avatar is a 12 pound home cured ham, 11 months hung.

    I can bring its twin to the bunker

  8. Jeez,

    That guy's pretty well hung for an 11-month-old.


    (Yeah, I'm 12.)

  9. I'm sorry to say but bacon rates second only to the Marines favorite breakfast lunch dinner and mid day snack meat, LIVE BABIES (you kinda have to know Marines to get the joke, or a good bit of Marine lore)

    MISUPGU: A singaporian method of making babies to appease the occupying Marines.

  10. You know why you're going to let me in the bunker?

    Because I'm going to give you all my shares of bacon.

    See how great I am?

  11. I tend to cycle between bacon and sausage, with occasional cravings for ham or goetta (lived in Cincinnati and caught the craving for it). We went out this morning, and my wife had some *awesome* flame-grilled ham with her breakfast.

  12. Although I do the vegan thing for health reasons, if I were to eat breakfast meat, it would be sausage... preferably Jimmy Dean Hot Sausage Patties. The kind that come from pigs. Tastes soooooo good (especially with maple syrup), and so bad for me. Damn.

  13. A 1" thick smoked and honeyed ham slab fried in bacon drippings with a few leftover bacon crumbs stuck here and there.

    And thanks for the supper idea - the girls have been laying overtime this week :)

    Ham, eggs, and a Blue Moon in a frosted glass, here I come.

  14. You know, I think "Breakfast Meat" would totally make a great punk rock band name. Beef Bacon could be their first hit.

  15. I'm going with thick cut peppered bacon, fried until crisp on the edges.

    Thin cut, over cooked, or ewww yuck that precooked stuff on the room temperature shelf in the grocery store is not worthy.

    If I can not get the correct bacon, I'll take ham. It's harder to screw up.

  16. Bacon is the best food on earth. Running a close second is corned beef hash, cooked until the edges are nice and crunchy. Add a couple of lightly fried eggs, in case your protein levels aren't high enough, and some sourdough toast to dip in the egg yolk. Then you'll have strength enough to fight off those zombie hordes.

    Sigh. Off to eat my healthy, nutritious and easy-to-prepare oatmeal. At least it's Trader Joe's.

  17. By a strange coincidence, I had beef bacon for the first time today as well.


  18. Well, my personal preference is custom made Polish Kielbasa, which by the way I know how to make according to the old family recipe. Boston Butts make lovely kielbasa.

    Barring that, I'll take nice crispy thick-cut, maple smoked bacon.

    Hmmm...I see a bacon & eggs dinner in my very near future...like tonight!!

    lubbero: bacon grease lubrication

  19. @Wendy

    Would you share the old family recipe?

  20. Bacon -- crispy, not slimy.

    (Although I do want to know why you know what polar bear ass tastes like. Or, maybe, I don't want to know.)

  21. I already know I'm not going to be in the bunker, so I'll say it - nicely spiced and crisped slices of tempeh or seitan. Sooo good with banana vegan pancakes and a nice maple syrup.

    However, like Michelle, I'd let you have my share of bacon, Jim. I'm not going to eat it, so you might as well do so. Don't want the smell of spoiled bacon stinking up the bunker.

    Ok, I just made myself gag.

  22. Oh, dude - I totally forgot Spam! Though I'm not so sure it's actually meat.

    Whisper thin sliced Spam fried in its own 'juices' until it's crisp. Scramble some eggs in the leftover saltiness in the skillet. Pile on toast.

    ::licks fingers::

  23. You probably can already guess my opinion on the matter. Here's some reasons why.

    Harmful Effects of Pork


    You probably think this is pretty prickish of me, which is fine, I've been called worse.

  24. MY book has this to say about pork:

    Honey Glazed Pork Tenderloin

    1 Pound Lean Pork Of Your Favorite Cut
    1 Medium Onion Chopped
    2 Tablespoons Of Fine Brown Sugar
    1 Teaspoon Basil Powder
    1 Teaspoon Thyme Powder
    1 Teaspoon Fresh Ground Pepper
    1 Teaspoon Course Table Salt (or Kosher)
    1 Teaspoon Extra Virgin Olive Oil
    1/4 Cup Soy Sauce
    1/4 Cup Teriyaki Sauce
    1/2 Cup Pure Honey
    1/4 Cup Dijon Mustard

    Serves 6
    305 Calories Per Serving
    8 Grams Of Fat

    Cooking Directions:
    Turn oven to 375-400 degrees and preheat for 5 min. In a large mixing bowl, add the pure honey, soy and teriyaki sauce, dry ingredients basil and thyme, fine brown sugar, and Dijon mustard. Mix until well blended generously rub the pork tenderloin with this mixture. Put the Pork into a baking dish and place in the oven at 375-400 degrees for 23-25 minutes. Serve hot with steamed rice.

    Only harmful effects I ever experienced was a tightening of the belt and not enough room for dessert.

    Great, now I'm hungry.

  25. In Qatar, you can get caught drinking alcohol and, so long as you're not in national dress, not a big deal.

    But try to import any pork product into the country? Not only are you gonna get deported, your company is going to lose its business license -- permanently.

    Hence: turkey bacon. Not too bad, actually.

    But I prefer the real pork deal, crispy. The more crispy, the better. Xtra, Xtra, Xtra crispy is fine, with some Xtra crispy on the side.

    This one time in Watertown I got the Denny's to deep-fry my bacon into a wonderful state of crispiness. Effin great, that was.

    ingsyl = Syllabus of a literature course focusing on the works of George Orwell.

  26. I like bacon sandwiches (slabs of bacon between slices of bacon), with a side of bacon and a bacon wrapped around more bacon.

    Oh, and a slice of orange.

    Wouldn't want to be unhealthy, after all.

    If you could serve it on a bacon plate... that'd be great.

    (as Emeril says, 'Porkfat rules!)

  27. Would you share the old family recipe?

    Warner, I'll have to check with the old family. Don't laugh-parents are 91 & 86. I've seen your blog and know you're a connoisseur of hand-crafted meat products, so odds are in your favor.

  28. My family and I camp once a year with a group of friends, and we have a tradition. Once during the event we have to make the ultimate in fatty goodness - beer batter dipped, bacon wrapped, deep fried cheese! Seriously, I think this stuff could kill you if you overindulged. The first one you have is "Wow, this is great!". The second is still good, and by the third you body tells you in no uncertain terms that you will regret going any further with this outrageous behavior.

  29. My family and I camp once a year with a group of friends, and we have a tradition. Once during the event we have to make the ultimate in fatty goodness - beer batter dipped, bacon wrapped, deep fried cheese! Seriously, I think this stuff could kill you if you overindulged. The first one you have is "Wow, this is great!". The second is still good, and by the third you body tells you in no uncertain terms that you will regret going any further with this outrageous behavior.

  30. Pork chops with blue berry pie. Lamb chops with hash browns, onions, Anaheim peppers, and a couple of eggs over easy.


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