Thursday, April 2, 2009

From the WTF File

I buy good shoes, and especially good hiking boots.

One of the things you learn in the military pretty damned quick is that there is little as valuable or more important than quality footwear. Don’t skimp when it comes to boots. Seriously.

And that goes double for me. During an at sea boarding a couple of years ago, I managed to fracture four bones in my foot. Specifically my left instep. For various reasons that I’m not going to go into, it didn’t get casted up, I just kept the foot wrapped in a tightly laced boot and eventually it healed. Sort of. As you might imagine that type of stupidity has an associated cost. After I retired the VA X-rayed it, shrugged, and said, “Well, there’s not much we can do about it, now.”

So I get some percentage of disability for it, along with all the other damage the Navy did to my body over two decades, and I don’t think about it much.

But I buy damned good boots, especially hiking boots because otherwise I’d be crippled a lot of the time.

See this?


That’s the tongue of my expense leather Hi-TEC hiking boot. Notice the odd raggedy corners?

The tongue on the matching boot looks the same.

How did that happen?

What strange wear pattern do my boots experience that causes such odd damage?

Did you answer, this:


Somebody is going to get a beating.

Stupid cat.


Crap, what were there? Ten, fifteen typos in this post? I'm suffering an allergy attack this morning and having a lot of trouble focusing my eyes, but damn, I didn't realize it was that bad. Urk. I think I fixed most of them.


  1. Drat. I guessed it was the other one.

  2. Ah yes, the classic feline "innocent but defiant" look, that combination of, "I didn't do it, and if I did why aren't you petting me?"

  3. Jim,

    Tis better to have torn footwear than to have warm, soft, oozing insoles.

    Yes, I am betting the cat(s) will win.

  4. Her next look will be, "Now why the hell did he put tabasco drips in my favorite nibble spots?"

  5. Well, see. There's two of the little fuzzy bastards. They're a matched set, size wise. Size 11. Like bunny slippers, only with longer tails. If you get my meaning.

  6. Cat sez: Who? Me? I didn't do it, nobody saw me, you can't prove a thing!

    Used to know a cat that would always nap on my shoes if I kicked them off while at her owner's house. I'd have to evict the cat in order to go home. Never did it with anyone else's shoes. But Precious never nibbled on them.


  7. We get the same "who me?" looks. Even when the perpetrator is caught doing whatever dastardly deed. I don't know if it is because both cats are Larry's...

  8. Wendy, Tubby (the gray cat) is nothing if not bold. He chewed on the shoes directly in front of me, and I suspect he'd eat them if they were still on my feet. I had to grab him by the scrub of the neck and toss him away from my boots, twice. I sprayed them with cat repellent, we'll see how that works.

  9. Jim, you have annoyed Michael with this post.

    He had a root canal this afternoon, and you made him laugh, which hurt his face.

    I think he expects an apology or something. ;)

  10. Ah, root canal.

    By way of apology for hurting your face, Michael, allow me to tell my root canal story:

    The navy dentist who performed the procedure was a Commander, a senior officer, and female. Very. She was extremely well endowed, like ridiculous silicon stripper big, like Hindenburg and Graf Zeppelin nestled in the same hanger big. Now, she was also short, and every time she bent over me to poke around in my mouth she'd place those bazookas on my chest, which was pleasant at first, but after a minute or so it was like having a couple of baby hippos sitting on you. I was having trouble breathing and my arm kept falling asleep - and the chair was slippery, and the weight of her enormous boobs kept pushing me down in the chair. Then she'd say, please scutch up! Yes, ma'am and I'd push myself back up in the chair. Then she'd bend over and I'd get pushed down the chair again. Please scutch up! Yes Ma'am. For crying out loud! Please, try to stay up here at the top of the chair or I can't work on your mouth properly. Yes, Ma'am. And so it went with her getting more and more pissed. Finally she yelled something like "What do I have to do, duct tape your ass to the chair?" And I said something like, "No, but you could quit pushing on me with your fucking tits! Christ, just one of those bastards outweighs me by like 40 pounds!"

    I thought she was going to belt me one, finally she said, "Ma'am."


    "You address me as Ma'am, or Commander."

    OK, ma'am.

    She didn't say another thing to me. But I was black and blue for two days afterward. Hey, is it my fault? She was like a tyrannosaurus, enormous chest and little short arms.

    Feel better, Michael.

  11. Like that's gonna help Michael. Hell, I hurt now from laughing, and I didn't have a root canal.

  12. Laughter, it's the best medicine, Vince. I'm just doing it for Micheal's own good.

  13. Thank you Jim for another funny posting. Fortunately the pain meds are working so it didn't hurt so much this time around.

  14. Causing others pain.

    That's how I get my validation. Today is a good day.

  15. and skilz, don't forget the skilz!

  16. Cats are attracted to footwear because of the ammonia in the foot stench. Be glad they're only chewing it. We used to have a cat who peed in shoes.

    Dr. Phil


Comments on this blog are moderated. Each will be reviewed before being allowed to post. This may take a while. I don't allow personal attacks, trolling, or obnoxious stupidity. If you post anonymously and hide behind an IP blocker, I'm a lot more likely to consider you a troll. Be sure to read the commenting rules before you start typing. Really.