‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the White House
Not a Republican was stirring, not even about the liberals to grouse;
The bailout bill was set in the Oval Office on a chair
In the hopes that Congressional funding would soon be there;
The President was snuggled all safe in his bed,
While Dick Cheney slept at an undisclosed location, undead.
And the Secret Service in their dark suits and glasses
patrolled the perimeter, watching for evil terrorist jackasses;
When down in the situation room there arose such an alarm
The president sprang from his bed to see what was the harm.
Away to the briefing room he went saying, This isn’t cool,
He tore open the folders, and listened to Wolfowitz The Tool.
The glare of the lights on the glossy reconnaissance photo
Gave the luster of legitimacy to the intelligence show;
When what to ole George’s watering eyes did appear,
But a bearded man in a red hat, with a face to fear.
That’s him! shouted George, that’s where he’s been hidin’
He knew in a moment that it was Osama bin Ladin.
More rapidly than eagles the sycophants they came,
George ranted and raved and called them by name;
“Now Scooter! Now, Karl! Now Gonzo and Rice!
On Wolfie! On Bolton! Somebody call Rummie, Gates is too nice!
To the heart of Iraq! And to Afghanistan!
Call Haliburton! Call Blackwater! And on to Tehran!
As black CIA Predators before the wild hurricane fly,
Ready the press releases, fake the intelligence and prepare to lie!
And then, in a twinkling, George heard up on the roofs,
Prancing and pawing and it sounded like hoofs.
George lifted his head as the alarm began to sound,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas (esq) came with a bound.
He was dressed all in Brooks Brothers from his neck to his foot,
His shoes were Italian and his silk tie was the color of soot;
A copy of the Constitution he held in his hand,
George, he said, you’ve been a very bad man.
His eyes - how they glowed! His wrath was anything but merry!
He said I represent the people, every Tom, Dick, and Harry!
His listed the offenses, and there were a lot, and then he spoke the names of the dead.
George began to tremble, his hands shook and his heart was full of dread.
War, torture, the lies, the deception, and pandering to the far right,
one by one St Nick ticked them off, George’s administration was a blight!
But it’s over now, St. Nickolas did proclaim.
Obama’s been elected, no more of the same.
You’ve only got a couple of weeks left, let’s not try for a new low,
Seriously, George, don’t fuck up anything else or I’ll send you to Gitmo!
No move aside, remember what I said and try to stay out of sight
After a long eight years, it’s Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.
Yeah, yeah. It’s silly. But it was fun. Merry Christmas all.