Saturday, April 3, 2010

No, I’m Not Getting An iPad

I did not get an iPad today. 

I will probably never get an iPad. 

The whole idea of the iPad fills me with a huge giant enormous feeling of meh.

Ever see one of those oversized joke pencils?





The iPad sort of reminds me of that.  It's like a giant iPhone, only it can't make calls.  It seems like a niche device, halfway between an ebook reader and tablet computer (which is itself a compromise device). Frankly, the damned thing looks to me like the Segway Scooter of portable computing.


Can you get porn on it?


  1. That'd be the 'iPud'...

    Next year, Jim - next year.

  2. I won't knock the iPad, but I don't see myself buying one, either. "Meh" about sums it up. I actually started to get excited when it was announced--I could be in the market for a sturdy tablet I could cart around and write and doodle on. Then the specs came out and it turned out it wasn't an Apple tablet, it's an Apple Internet appliance. Which is cool and all, but is also about the last thing in the world I can think of needing before you start getting into painful or embarrassing biological stuff (e.g. I guess I need an iPad more than I need a "hole in my head" or "superfluous third nipple" or "poke in the eye"... but not much more).

    It's a sexy and cool Internet appliance, but whatever.

    Amusing are the people calling it a "netbook killer." Really? Without a keyboard? Without multitasking? (Indeed, I'm writing this comment on a Dell Mini 10 netbook while grooving on some tunes--typing and multitasking, ooooooh!)

  3. I'll want one next year. Why? Because an iPhone is too small for stuff. And a netbook looks and feels like cheap crap whilch will be broken within a year in my hands. Seriously, I am the Underwriter Laboritorian when it comes to electronics. There's a reason I still use an SGI and keep coming back to Apple.

    Why next year? Because then people will not even notice the newness and I can get them to pay more attention to my work being displayed on it.

    Oh yes. The iPad will be big. Just not for phone calls, because really, who wants to place calls on a tablet anyhow?

    Nuregie. A brach of the Nuegie-Melon school of noogie rubs.

  4. As an artist, Scott, I can see the iPad being right up your alley.

  5. I keep hearing people say they're not buying one until it includes a camera. I'm not buying one until it:

    a.) includes a camera
    b.) includes a phone.
    c.) is 15" X 10" so I can look like a complete fucking dork taking pictures with it or holding it up to the side of my head.

  6. d) get a shirt with a really big pocket

  7. We're seriously considering one. For one thing, like an iPod Touch, the damn thing should pretty much turn ON. If I suddenly want to check something of the web and none of our machines is booted -- yeah, hang around and wait. For another, I don't need a flat surface in order to use it.

    We're considering holding out for the model which allows you to temporarily pay for 3G connections, besides WiFi.

    Dr. Phil

  8. "...and there's no machine booted..."

    I don't understand.

    No machine booted?

    You mean like there's no machine boot up? In the house? Like at all?

    But, that's just so post 2012 crazy talk.

  9. (Somewhat) serious question: How do you carry it around? It won't fit in your pocket; probably wouldn't fit in my purse either. Does everyone have to start carrying backbacks again just to shlep this thing with them? Smartphones, at least, are easily portable.

  10. Nathan and I can answer that question.

    Follow nathan's link above, or look here.

    I foresee a whole new iStyle. Geek Chic.

  11. Jim: you're a bit of an artist yourself.

    And you could totally make wooden cases for ipads.

    Cohort: how do you know it's more useful? You wouldn't happen to already have an ipad would you? Can I see it?

    The link looks. Nice. I suppose. It looks pretty breakable though. But to be certain, I should put it through the Scottsonite Touchage Test. I'll make my results public if someone wants to send me a test unit and $500.

    Seriously, I just don't want one yet. Next year. I might even be able to afford it then. But yeah. This is a huge deal.

    mizzings. Rigging dangling from the mizzingmast on a steam- powered vessel.

  12. I am going to have to agree with you on this one when it comes to the ipad, its nothing more than an oversized ipod touch. I can't wait to see someone at the gym with one strapped to there bicep.

    yes I go to the gym!

  13. Why, yes, you could get porn on it and hold it in one hand.

    And I have to say I can see myself getting one.
    1) I'd like a device I can take to cons and do webstuff and a little writing on it, without shlepping the laptop
    2) If I had it already I would be developing a portfolio app to take on interviews
    3) If I can tether the 3G version to my wireless router (like an iPhone), it'll be a cheap broadband connection for me
    4) I'm disappointed the onscreen keyboard didn't change to take advantage of the larger real estate (I expect that will be fixed in .1 revision), but you now can connect a bluetooth keyboard to the device (can't to a Touch or iPhone).

    Yeah, that #3 would be a biggie for me living in the land of the dial-up because DSL is $45 here, and they won't run new cable lines for my allotment.

  14. all apple needs to do is sell an IPorn and i can personally guarentee 202 thousand units sold on day one, Marine will take any new form of portable porn

  15. Steve: the fact I'd love to have something similar for writing without schlepping the laptop is exactly why I was briefly excited by the iPad then quickly realized it wasn't for me. Based on reviews and the specs, the onscreen keyboard's adequate for e-mails, but even fans of the device concede they'd hate to write a blog entry or article on it. Unless, of course, you use the external keyboard add-on--at which point you're sort of undoing the convenience of it by forcing yourself to schlepp an additional piece fo hardware around.

    That's why I really don't think the iPad is a netbook killer. It's got useful and entertaining uses--Nathan mentioned a practical use for one over at my blog the other day, for instance, showing location photos, and I can imagine a professional, e.g. a doctor maybe, using it for an easy-to-cart around reference library. And you can read e-books and comics on it and surf the internet and play games. But it's not designed for writing, or coding, or anything along those lines.

    It appears to me even less-useful if you're trying to write with several apps running; if I'm not blocked up, I'm likely to be running, in addition to my word processor for the actual writing, Writer's Cafe (useful storyboard and scrapbook functions, among other things) and Firefox (online dictionary and reference pages), not to mention possibly a music player to shut out the external world if necessary.

    And tangentially: one of the ironies for me, personally, is that one of the iPad's most-vaunted features is one of it's least-attractive: the finger-friendly touchscreen. Because, as someone who tries to write, I'd really, personally, rather use a stylus like I was trained to as a little kid instead of a finger; heck, I type more than I use a pen or pencil these days, but a tablet that let me scribble a text and doodle helpful little pictures in the margin would be a boon to the creative process, I think. I dig that Apple is offering a unique tactile experience and one that can open creative doors--apparently the New Yorker is going to be running covers created on an iPad by an artist who's using one to "fingerpaint." Cool, but not what I'd want to do in terms of writing a story and then maybe drawing a sketchy little "pencil" map somewhere on the page.

    Sorry if I've said much of this before. But your comment about using to write obviously strikes a chord, because in terms of how I try to write (your mileage may vary), the iPad sort of broke my heart; no biggie, but I guess I'll be sticking to my netbook.

  16. Ah! I've got it.

    I knew the iPad reminded me of something.

    the iNewton. Yes. That's it.

  17. You have stated my exact feelings on the matter!! Well, minus the crack about porn. ;P


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