Religion, Elections, and Education

As regulars know, I'm not big on religion.

Being a former Navy officer, I tend to avoid religious discussions if at all possible. Basic wardroom etiquette dictates no discussion of the job, politics, and religion at the dinner table. Now obviously I've completely disregarded the first two topics here at Stonekettle Station, but I try to avoid discussing religion as much as possible for a couple of reasons. One, I have little interest in attracting the pro-religion folks or the anti-religion folks and the ensuing pitched crap-flinging in the comments section that most posts of that nature generate. And two, because I know that a number of readers are deeply religious and I have no desire whatsoever to give unnecessary offense. As long as religious people respect my lack of faith, I'll respect their beliefs and I try to avoid deliberate attacks on anybody's belief system.

I don't have anything in particular against religious people, providing that they don't try to impose their beliefs on me or mine and providing that those belief systems respect others and do no particular harm to society at large. Particular harm being defined according to the following ideal: I believe in freedom of religion, but I also believe strongly in freedom from religion. I also believe that when your religion impacts me or mine - and by extension my nation's security and well being - you've made your beliefs my business. Example, I consider Alzheimer's Disease horrifying. Others have a mortal fear of heights, snakes, or death. Not me. But I fear disintegration of my mind, I do. If stem cell research will lead to a cure or prevention, then I want all I can get. If fetuses are to die, naturally or otherwise, and the parents are willing to donate their bodies to science, then I don't see where your religion has a right to say a damned thing about it and I don't see this as any different from donating your dead child's heart or liver to save another. If a cure is found, and your religion doesn't hold with it - then don't take it, don't donate your child's life to it, but don't tell me I have to spend the last years of my life as a mindless drooling zombie for your God. If he doesn't want me to fight, he shouldn't have created Alzheimer's in the first damned place.

I think it can be demonstrated that religion has done a hell of a lot of good in the world. I think it can be demonstrated that religion has done a hell of a lot of evil in the world as well. Whether religion has produced more good or more evil depends very much on your perspective - and your religion.

I think that religion and faith fill a basic deep-seated need for many people. I think that religion gives the devout strength in a frightening world, makes them part of something larger than themselves, and gives them comfort in the cold and lonely night. Many people do not look upon the unknown with awe or wonder or a burning desire to go find out what's over the next hill. For many people, the universe is a vast and terrifying place. These people need structure, guidance, answers- and religion provides that. Understand, I'm not saying that there's anything wrong, or weak minded, or defective about this, only that some people (a majority maybe) seem to be wired this way - whether by design or by selection of survival characteristics through evolution.

For others, such as myself, the universe is a puzzle. A place of mysteries to be solved, strange folk yet to be met, things to be learned, questions to be asked and asked yet again, and a place without boundary or limit. The universe is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine - and we like it that way.

But, we all want answers, and for some, religion provides those answers. For others religion simply does not.

For many people the world is like the lost generation ship Vanguard in Robert Heinlein's Orphans of the Sky. Set in motion long ago by powerful and unknowable forces, sharply defined, with given rules and dangers, there's a fixed beginning and a fixed end as foretold. But for others, well, we're the ones looking in amazement at the stars outside the windows of the Captain's Veranda and realizing that the universe is far vaster than we were led to believe. Others look out those same windows and see only points of light.

Where I think religion too often jumps the shark is when instead of providing answers and a source of comfort, it becomes a straightjacket. Despite protestations to the divine contrary, religion is ultimately a human endeavor - and like all things human it is prone to corruption and abuse. And far too often religions become little more than a source of control and power for a select few human beings over many, and this is true of tiny cults such as the Westboro Baptist Church all the way up to ancient religions with millions of adherents such as Islam or the Catholic Church. Large organizations are inherently conservative, this is nearly inevitable given time and human nature, and religion is often the most conservative of human social constructs. Religion is often about providing definitive answers regarding fundamental questions such as where do we come from, what is our purpose, where are we going. As such, religion is often about maintaining the status quo. Anything that questions those answers is very, very often seen as a threat to the religion's power and status and control, and while the average adherent may not perceive it that way, those in the pulpit most certainly do.

Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Power often blinds those in power, deliberately so in many cases. And power is too often an end in and of itself, instead of a means to an end. Those in power tend to want to stay in power, and when power is vested in something as fundamental as how people perceive the world, the tendency to see anything that challenges that perception as a threat is all to common.

A priest at St. Mary's Catholic Church in downtown Greenville [South Carolina] has told parishioners that those who voted for Barack Obama placed themselves under divine judgment because of his stance on abortion and should not receive Holy Communion until they've done penance.

The priest, Rev Jay Scott Newman speaking to the The Greenville News last week, said that according to Catholic Church doctrine he cannot refuse Holy Communion to anyone based on their political choices. However, in a letter posted on St. Mary's website, Newman wrote that "voting for a pro-abortion politician when a plausible pro-life alternative exists constitutes material cooperation with intrinsic evil." While I support the Reverend Newman's, and by extension the Catholic Church's, right to freedom of speech, belief and expression, I have a major issue with essentially telling Catholics that they have political free will, but if they vote democrat their souls will be damned to hell for all eternity - unless they do penance and thereby give up their inalienable American right to privacy by confessing their choice of candidate to the priest. I don't believe in the soul, but a heck of a lot of people do - and the threat is a very, very real one to them. I also have a major problem with the Catholic Church calling the President Elect of the United States "intrinsically evil." And it is the Church, not just one bullheaded priest - because the Vatican has yet to refute Newman's declaration. This is unacceptable. It is unacceptable because it comes right down to a foreign religious power telling people how to vote in an American election - and if they don't vote the way the Church wants, there will be severe consequences for them personally, forever. This is no different than a traffic cop telling a driver he can refuse to take the breath-O-lizer. The driver could, technically, but there will be very, very unpleasant consequences as a result. The implied threat is this, if you know what's good for you, you'll do as I say. Or else. Free will is an illusion in both cases.

Additionally, I find it a particular hypocrisy that Newman does not acknowledge conservative support for torture, rendition, extraordinary means, war and etcetera - or liberal support for feeding the hungry, clothing the destitute, healing the sick and etcetera - which is an intrinsic element of the Christian faith and which the Catholic Church itself acknowledged in its own Faithful Citizenship document last year. Newman appears to be a single issue priest - and this more than anything indicates that his goal is power and the status quo - and the maintaining and preservation of the same. This is a dangerous precedent, and one very much at odds with concept of separation of church and state.

Then there is this (tip of the hat to Les over at Stupid Evil Bastard):

The Rt Rev Patrick O'Donoghue, the Bishop of Lancaster [UK], has claimed that graduates are spreading scepticism and sowing dissent. Instead of following the Church's teaching they are "hedonistic", "selfish" and "egocentric", he said.

Well, I won't argue the hedonistic, selfish, or egocentric part of that statement, but I would point out that these traits are not in any way confined to only the educated. In fact, if Church history is any indicator, the traits of hedonism, selfishness, and egocentricity are very much part of those educated strictly within the Catholic belief system. I don't want this post to run off into a bash-fest of the Church and pedophile priests and the abuses of the clergy, but those things go a long, long way towards kicking the foundation right out from under the Bishop's statement. Mainstream education or religious (of any kind) education seem to have very little to do with selfishness, hedonism, or ego.

Overall, the gist of Reverend O'Donoghue's message is "the development of mass education on a scale unprecedented in human history - resulting in economic growth, scientific and technological advances, and the cultural and social enrichment of billions of people's lives. However, every human endeavor has a dark side, due to original sin and concupiscence [strong sexual desire]. In the case of education, we can see its distortion through the widespread dissemination of radical skepticism, positivism, utilitarianism and relativism. Taken together, these intellectual trends have resulted in a fragmented society that marginalizes God, with many people mistakenly thinking they can live happy and productive lives without him."

In other words: secular education is evil.

But the simple truth of the matter is that many people do live happy and productive lives without God or the trapping of religion - and this bothers the good bishop to no end.

And education does lead to tough, tough questions regarding the fundamental articles of faith: where do we come from? Why are we here? Where are we going? Questions the Church is increasingly ill prepared to answer. Science and education are increasingly at odds with the traditional religious answers in ways that simply cannot be denied for a large number of faithful. Increasingly, many that have a deep seated need to know are finding that the church simply can't provide satisfying answers in this age of knowledge. And so they are leaving.

The church has two options, adapt or die.

In other words, it must evolve.

And so must all religions. People and societies change. Specialization leads to stagnation. Stagnation leads to death and extinction. Far from rejecting education, the church should embrace it and push the limits of knowledge.

People will find a way to fulfil their fundamental needs and find answers to fundamental questions - and if the church can't, or won't, provide those things, then it really serves no purpose.

Does it?

Jerkoff of the week - Racist Idiots

Grant Griffin, a 46-year-old white Georgia native, seems to feel that the United States is going to hell in a hand basket, "I believe our nation is ruined and has been for several decades and the election of Obama is merely the culmination of the change. If you had real change it would involve all the members of [Obama's] church being deported," he said.

Yeah, that would be some real chance all right.

Cross burning. Vandalism. School children, some as young as 6 and 7 chanting "Assassinate Obama." Physical attacks. Death threats.

- These two mouth breathing racist morons in Staten Island:

who randomly assaulted Ali Kamara and beat him with a pipe and a baton - while yelling 'Obama!' These two goons wanted to be Marines - and obviously have no idea what being a United States Marine is all about, I guarantee you that these two hoods would never have made it past Week 1 of boot camp. Read the comments under the Daily*News article, if you can stomach them.

- The Secret Service is investigating a sign posted on a tree in Vay, Idaho, with Obama's name and the offer of a "free public hanging."

- In North Carolina, civil rights officials complained of threatening racist graffiti targeting Obama found in a tunnel near the North Carolina State University campus, including swastikas. Because apparently in North Carolina the symbol of Nazism is preferable to a black president. Because apparently the Nazi Swastika is more American than, oh say, an American citizen elected overwhelmingly via the democratic process.

- In a Maine convenience store, an Associated Press reporter saw a sign inviting customers to join a betting pool on when President Obama might fall victim to an assassin. The sign solicited $1 entries into "The Osama Obama Shotgun Pool," saying the money would go to the person picking the date closest to when Obama was attacked. "Let's hope we have a winner," said the sign. Having lived in Maine myself for a number of years, I have to say that it doesn't surprise me at all that the store felt comfortable putting up a sign like this and not worrying much about what customers might think - because nearly every customer would be just fine with it.

- White supremacist web sites are pulling in the new recruits. A major site, stormfront.org, was temporarily off-line Nov. 5 because of the overwhelming amount of activity it received after Election Day. Dalderian Germanicus, a stormfront poster from Las Vegas, said, "I want the SOB laid out in a box to see how 'messiahs' come to rest. God has abandoned us, this country is doomed." Germanicus doesn't speculate on why God has abandoned racist pinheads like himself though, or if maybe what he's doing is not something his God approves of.

The list is endless. Racist rhetoric, hate crimes, and incidents like those described above are up a hundredfold since November 6th. I guess I'm not surprised. I'm disappointed, but not surprised.

Prior to the election, I was under no illusion that racism was dead in America - but the raw, illogical, ignorant and unabashed bigotry evident in the thousands of incidents like those described above simply astounds me.

These ignorant fearful hateful idiots need to understand something, Barack Obama wasn't just elected by African American voters, he was elected to office by an overwhelming number of White voters. Barack Obama will be president because a significant majority of Americans want him in the White House. That's democracy, or our version of it anyway. That's America. Our America.

And it's time the racists got used to it.

For the love of God, Sarah Palin...

...please, shut the hell up.

Seriously, you've already made the rest of your fellow Alaskans look like rednecked, inbred, backward-assed, xenophobic neocon morons (yes, some of that is redundant, I know). You're embarrassing us. Please, stop making it worse.

"I still am concerned about that association with Bill Ayers," Palin said. "And if anybody still wants to talk about it, I will, because this is an unrepentant domestic terrorist who had campaigned to blow up, to destroy our Pentagon and our U.S. Capitol."

Here's the thing, Sarah, nobody wants to talk about it - because it's not an issue. Not now. Not ever. It's been addressed, in detail. President Elect Obama has explained his relationship with Ayers, in detail. That relationship has been corroborated, again in detail. Apparently you, Sarah Palin, are the only one not aware of it.

And you're not fooling anybody with this garbage. I'm willing to bet decent money that you'd never even heard of William Ayers before the campaign. Ever. I'd be willing to bet that you don't have a damned clue as to the dates, details, members, events, political issues, and legal actions surrounding the radical violence of the Weather Underground and Ayers' relationship to it or why Ayers is a free man today.

I"m no fan of William Ayers, and frankly I think it's a damned shame he didn't blow himself up with the rest of his friends (look it up, because you know you have no idea what I'm talking about here). But if you truely believe that William Ayers is a terrorist, I'd be less concerned about his tenuous relationship with the President Elect, and a hell of a lot more concerned with his direct and detailed impact on the students at the University of Illinois at Chicago, and on education system reform.

I'd also advise you, Governor, that going down the relationship road is a damned slippery slope. Especially for Republicans. Especially for Republicans in Alaska.

Seriously here, Sarah, you lost. Overwelmingly.

Try to be a little classier about it, will you please?

My cats, they're trying to kill me

What I want from an Obama Administration - Part 1, Foreign Policy

When you are the dominant power in the world, you can dictate terms to everybody else.

When your currency is the dominant measure of value and forms the basis for the world economy, you can dictate terms - and then the threat of economic isolation is a very real threat indeed.

When your military is the dominant force worldwide and you have a strong alliance with like minded nations and the resolute backing of their forces, you can dictate terms - and then the threat of military force is a very real threat indeed.

When you have control of every asset needed to power your national economy and infrastructure and you are not dependent on outside supply of critical resources - i.e. energy, raw materials, food stocks, technology, knowledge, manufacturing, and etc. - you can dictate terms to the rest of the world without concern and there is little your adversaries can do to threaten you.

And for brief time in the mid part of last century the United States of America enjoyed exactly that position in the world - and our current foreign policy was born during that time and continues to reflect its origin.  In reality, this concept is long out of date - and frankly doesn't work and has not in a very long, long time. I want to avoid the rhetoric of third world dictators, but the truth of the matter is that much of the world sees our foreign policy as arrogant and imperialistic - and from their perspective, well, they're right.

Yes, this is a criticism of the United States. So what? All people, and therefor all nations, have flaws.  Those that are admired and respected, both people and nations, are the ones who can identify the flaws, admit their mistakes, and take action to fix them. Those that are not admired or respected, those that are hated and despised, both people and nations, are the ones who arrogantly proclaim themselves perfect and set about to impose that perceived perfection on everybody else. And in an increasingly large part of the world, America and Americans are hated and despised. We can either continue on the road we're on, or we can do something about it. Recovered alcoholics have a saying, "The first step is to admit you have a problem." Those that refuse to face this simple fact, never stop drinking - and in many cases it destroys them.

The first step is to admit we have a problem with foreign policy. There's nothing unpatriotic about this criticism. The world changes and so do we.  The American dollar is no longer dominant in the world, and is a much less potent threat diplomatically.  The American military, while still the most powerful weapon on the planet, is engaged up to its neck and stretched thin. America is no longer the arsenal of democracy, far too many of our resources come at the end of long and vulnerable supply lines.  America may be the only remaining superpower, but it is not the only power on the planet and new economic forces are in ascension.

And it is long past time to recognize this simple fact: we cannot dictate terms, not effectively anyway.  The world has changed, and we must change with it - and so must our foreign policy.

Take Cuba, for example.  Cuba is the epitome of failed US foreign policy.  There was a time, a century ago, when Americans were heroes on the Island of Cuba. There was time, a century ago, when some Cubans even spoke of joining the Union. There was a time, a century ago, when the American Flag flew over the USS Maine Memorial in Malecon, Havana Harbor and Cubans looked upon it with gratitude and profound thanks for their freedom from Spain. There was time, little more than half a century ago, when America and Cuba were allies, and American military men looked forward to liberty and R&R in that island paradise, and Americans from Miami, New York, and Washington vacationed there - some even owned homes and businesses there.

It wasn't all idyllic paradise though, there was corruption and crushing poverty and the mafia and the Coup. No, not that coup, the other one, the one that brought a corrupt and greedy dictator to power, Ruben Fulgencio Batista Zaldívar.  Bastista suspended the Constitution, and set about making himself and his cronies rich at the expense of everybody else in the country - it's an old story and one we've seen many, many times.  Rather than set matters right, the US embraced Bastista, and helped him rape his country - which in turn paved the way for Fidel Castro and his revolucion.  Strangely, despite the fact the Castro visited the US after his assumption of power and sought to continue close ties with America, he was rebuffed by the Eisenhower administration - and so he turned to the USSR. 

You know what happened and what the results were and are to this day - and if you don't, you can easily find out. Economic and political isolation, embargo, and threats of military force. We don't talk to them and they don't talk to us. Screw 'em.  And so it has stood for the last fifty years. 

There's just one little problem with this foreign policy - it doesn't work. It has never worked, and is even less likely to work in the future as other powers such as China, India, South America, and the European Economic Union increasingly move away from the desires and dictates of the United States.

Despite everything the US threw at Cuba, political isolation, economic embargo, and half-assed attempts at military force and CIA black operations, Castro remained in power. He found other sources of support, he turned American foreign policy into a rallying point for his population, and despite his pariah status - or maybe because of it - he became a source of inspiration to others who felt they were getting the short end of US foreign relations. And he left office on his own terms due to the infirmity of age, and not because of our machinations and foreign policy.

The logic behind our continued position regarding Cuba simply doesn't hold water - despite the continued vehement outcries of the Cuban expats living in Miami to the contrary.  We don't deal with dictators? Nonsense. Look around. If Cuba had oil we'd deal with Fidel and make no bones about it just as we do with Saudi Arabia and Kuwait and Venezuela. We don't deal with communists? Nonsense.  If Cuba manufactured consumer goods for dirt cheap prices we'd deal with Fidel and make no bones about it, just as we do with China.  We don't deal with rigidly oppressive societies? Nonsense, if Cubans provided dirt cheap off-shore labor and spoke reasonable English we be getting our tech support from them, just as we do from India.  We don't deal with corrupt governments? Nonsense. If Cubans had dirt cheap manufacturing we'd be getting our car parts from them, just as we do from Mexico. We don't deal with our former enemies? Nonsense. That particular list is endless, staring with England and ending with Russia and Vietnam.  Despite the fact that our foreign policy has availed us nothing in sixty years with regards to Cuba, and in point of fact can be definitively shown to have decreased our security rather significantly in many cases, we continue to hold the course.

Then there's the rest of it. When, the gloved fist of economic and political isolation doesn't work, we remove the glove to expose the mailed fist underneath - i.e. military action.  Isaac Asimov once wrote, violence is the last refuge of the incompetent (from the character Salvor Hardin, Foundation), and while I don't entirely agree with this sentiment (sometimes violent military action is entirely the correct option, for a number of reasons) I do think that the use of military force often provides politicians with a far too easy alternative to aggressive diplomacy and compromise.  From Korea to Vietnam, to Beirut and Somali, to the Bay of Pigs, to Iraq and Afghanistan, the examples of why military action as foreign policy is a mistake are plentiful.

And then there's the current administration with it's policy of preemptive military action.  If there's anything more counter productive than our current foreign policy, it's the addition of the so-called Bush Doctrine to it.  Invasion of Iraq may have removed an annoying petty pissant of a dictator, but the overall damage to America's reputation, economy, alliances, military, and position in the world are a pretty poor return on that investment.

Insanity has been defined as repeating the same action and expecting different results despite all evidence to the contrary. Over and over and over.  And this concept, more than anything else, defines our current foreign policy.  It's insane.

One of the reason's I voted for Barrack Obama is his stance on opening negotiations with Iran.

The current situation with Iran is untenable, and it will come to a head sooner or later if left unchecked.  As someone who is extremely experienced in military operations, as someone is extremely experienced in the Middle East, and as someone who is knowledgeable of Iran, its government, its people, its terrain, and its military strength - I say with confidence, military action should be the very, very, very last thing we think about - unless we are willing to either give up all military operations everywhere else in the world, or make a concerted national effort on the order of the sacrifice needed to win WWII.  Economic isolation of Iran isn't working - and has not, ever. We simply do not have the backing of the rest of the world. Maybe we could have achieved a united economic global front against Iran in the days following 9/11, but not now and I shouldn't have to explain why. And without that united front, economic isolation, embargo, and sanctions are an empty threat. The only entity suffering from it is us.  Political isolation? Give me a break. If you think political pariah status bothers the rulers of Iran, you don't know enough about the subject to even be in the conversation.

What's that leave us?

Exactly.

A complete and immediate overhaul of our foreign policy would do more to pull us out of the current recession, stabilize the market, and remove the underlying causes of anti-American terrorism then any military or economic action. But that overhaul needs to be based on common sense and a recognition of reality.

I want President Obama to make good on his promise.  I want him to invite the leaders of our enemies to a meeting, here, there, on neutral ground I don't care.  I want him to sit down and at least try to reach common ground. Something we can all live with, and prosper under. And if it doesn't work out? So what of it? How would we be worse off than we are right now?

Israelis and Palestinians have been at each others' throats for sixty years, and yet they still keep trying, and they get a little closer all the time - they're not there yet, and probably won't be for a long, long time, but they keep talking, keep trying, and they're reaching a point now where the reasonable people are at least equal in number to the unreasonable ones. Sooner or later they'll find common ground and a lasting peace. We need to do the same.

The world changes, and we must change with it.  Twenty years ago, I would never have believed that Americans would fly to the International Space Station onboard Russian made ships, or that cosmonauts would fly into orbit on American shuttles.  Twenty years ago I would never have believed that Berlin would be united again in my lifetime. Ten years ago I wouldn't have believed that Israelis would even consider a Palestinian homeland. A year ago I wouldn't have believed that Americans could elect an African American president.

I've come to believe in a number of things I never thought possible. 

And I believe it's time for a change.

Snow Day

Folks, I'm snowed in, literally, this morning.

We had a major snow fall last night - which I have to deal with right now.

I'm also behind on work, both writing and in the shop. I have deadlines I have to meet and am basically out of time at the moment. I also owe a couple of UCFers some stuff that I'm very delinquent on and I need to set up the photo table, get pictures made and mailed.

So, I just don't have time at the moment for a post. The internet is a big place however, and I'm sure you'll find something to entertain yourselves.

Enjoy your day.

Booze is in the fridge, chocolate is on the counter. Wipe your feet and beware the cats. Thanks. More later.

Veteran's Day

Today a lot of politicians are going to make speeches purporting to honor veterans. Wreaths will be lain. Trumpets blown. Flags flown. Words about patriotism, duty, honor, sacrifice, country, courage, glory, and service will be spoken. Then the politicians will speak about what really matters to veterans - the bailout bill, or the latest pork barrel project, or how the other party is a bunch of unpatriotic bastards.

Today a lot of talk show hosts on radio and TV are going to wax self-righteous and angrily demand that their listeners honor veterans. They'll take people to task for not wearing an American Flag pin, or for not having a yellow ribbon on their cars, or for not serving in uniform - all the while hoping nobody calls them on their own service, of which, most have exactly none.

Today a lot of folks who think of themselves as Patriots with a capital "P" are going drink a lot of beer and bloviate at great length about how the country is going to hell in a liberal handbasket and how we should be honoring veterans, Goddamnitalltohell! All the while hoping nobody calls them on their own service, of which, most have exactly none.

And today a lot of folks who don't think much about patriotism are going to go to parades and wave little flags and quietly give thanks for those who bought their freedom at such a high price. Some will stand ramrod straight even though some can barely stand at all, and place their hands over their hearts as the American flag passes, and in their eyes you can see memories of Saipan and Iwo Jima, Normandy, the Rhine, the black Ardennes forest, The Chosin Reservoir, Khe Sanh, Tet, Al Basrah, Anbar, and Bagram. They won't talk about honoring veterans, they are veterans.

Today those with sons and daughters and husbands and wives in the service will raise a flag in their front yard, just as they do every day - and pray that those same loved ones get home alive and whole, just as they do every day.

Today those with sons and daughters and husbands and wives and mothers and fathers who have fallen in the service will visit graveyards, they'll bring fresh flowers, and flesh flags, and fresh tears.

Today, some will protest. Protest the war, the military, the government. They'll use this day to burn the flag, to counter march and to demonstrate and it may be that these people are paying the highest of honors to veterans - even though that is the least of their intentions. Because, you see of course, that it was veterans who bought them to right to protest.

And today, some just will not give a shit about veterans one way or the other. They'll get a day off from work. They'll picnic, or party, or go boating, or hiking, or to the track. They'll paint the house, or do chores around the yard, they haul trash to the dump if it's open or take the dog for a walk. Or maybe they won't, maybe today will be just like any other day. Kids still go to school, here in Alaska. Teachers still teach. Stores, restaurants, and the mills are still open. And it may be that these people also honor veterans, by simply going on with their lives, by living their lives without having to be concerned, without having to worry about their security, without having to thank anybody.

Me? I'll raise a beer to my comrades in arms. I don't want thanks, or parades, or prayers, or to listen to speeches from bloated politicians who have never served. I don't want to watch wreath laying and solemn ceremonies. I don't want to hear Taps played.

What I want this Veteran's Day, is for Americans to remember what veterans fight for in this country. We swear our oath to the Constitution, and for the rights and freedoms of all Americans. All Americans, every damned one: conservative, liberal, and centrist; gay and straight and transgendered; Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, atheist, agnostic, and other; Black, White, Brown, Yellow, Red, and everything in between. If you truly wish to honor veterans, then honor what we fight for, honor what we lay down our lives for, honor what the uniform we wear represents, honor the Constitution we swear our oath to:

The inalienable right to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness for all people in equal measure - not just the ones who go to your church, or belong to your political party, or share your skin color and sexual orientation. All people. Take a moment today, and think about it and ask yourself if what you do in life truly honors veterans.

Enjoy your day. Remember us. Remember why we do what we do.

A Meeting in the Oval Office

President-elect Barack Obama will set foot inside the Oval Office for the first time Monday as he meets with President Bush to talk about the problems his incoming administration will face.

Through various unsavory means, Stonekettle Station managed to obtain the official unedited Oval Office transcripts of this historic meeting:

::Knock Knock::

GWB: Who's there?

Secret Service Agent: It's me, Mr President. Obama is arriving.

GWB: Obama who?

Secret Service Agent: (sigh)President Elect Barrack Obama, sir.

GWB: Oh, heh heh, I thought you said my mama was here.

Secret Service Agent: That joke just gets funnier every time, Mr President.

GWB: Well, I'm a funny guy, everybody says so.

Secret Service Agent: You're a card, Sir. Do you want to meet him on the lawn?

GWB: Crap! This can't be happening! Are you sure it's actually him and not a, you know, terrorist? We can't be too careful. All those people look the same to me.

Secret Service Agent: Those people? You do realize that I'm actually African America, right? And that I'm armed?

GWB: I...uh...meant democrats. All democrats look the same to me.

Secret Service Agent: Of course, Sir. And it's definitely him.

GWB: How can you tell?

Secret Service Agent: From the cheering.

GWB: Ooooooh, is that what that noise is? I've never heard that before.

Secret Service Agent: You will, Sir, you will.

GWB: Really? When?

Secret Service Agent: January 20th, Sir. I guarantee it.

GWB: Well, I appreciate your loyalty, Bob.

Secret Service Agent: It's Leonard, Sir.

GWB: Can we wait here for him, Bob?

Secret Service Agent: Yes, we can ... Sir.

GWB: Better yet, go offer him a cup of coffee or something, give me a couple of minutes.

Secret Service Agent: uh...that's not really my job.

GWB: Oh for crying out loud. Fine. Then don't just stand there, get in here and give me a hand!

Secret Service Agent: Sir?

GWB: This place is a freakin' mess, help me straighten up. Quick!

Secret Service Agent: That's not really my job either, Sir.

GWB: Hey! I'm the President!

Secret Service Agent: (sotto voice) Not for much longer, bitch.

GWB: What was that?

Secret Service Agent: Nothing. (touches his ear piece) President Elect Obama is in the hall, Sir, should I let him in?

GWB: Wait! I've got some very important intelligence reports I need to secure first. Here, eat these!

Secret Service Agent: Aren't those pictures of Sarah Palin's backside?

GWB: Hey, Laura liked Palin's pantsuits! That's all. I didn't even look at them, I swear. And those are Republican duds, we can't let them fall into Democrat hands! Quick eat the pictures!

Secret Service Agent: I'm allergic to Kodak, Sir, you'll have to do it.

GWB: What about taking a bullet for me? Huh? What about that? It might be time for a couple of changes around here!

Secret Service Agent: I can believe in change, Sir.

GWB: mmph..chew..mmph..choke...

::Sound of door opening::

Secret Service Agent: May I present President Elect Barrack Obama!

GWB: (swallowing) Mr. President Elect! Whatsssup, my brother! Gimme a fist jab up high!

Obama: Dick.

GWB: ...what?

Obama: Yeah, I meant, where's Dick?

GWB: Oh, I thought you were calling me a dick. Heh, heh.

Obama: Never crossed my mind, George.

GWB: Vice President Cheney is at an undisclosed location.

Obama: Hmmm, I was hoping to get a pass-down from the guy in charge.

GWB: That's me!

Obama: Riiight. Sorry.

GWB: Hey! How about a cup of coffee? Bob, get us some coffee would you?

Secret Service Agent: It's Leonard, Sir.

GWB: He's new.

Secret Service Agent: I've been here for eight years, Sir!

GWB: Such kidders, those security guys! The coffee, Bob, chop chop. Oh! Hey, do you drink coffee? I mean is it forbidden by your culture?

Obama: My ... culture?

GWB: Islamofacsasocialmarixism.

Obama: What?

GWB: Hey! It's OK, I'm very open minded! Admiral Akbar and all of that!

Obama: Admiral Akbar? You mean Allah Akbar?

GWB: Oh sorry, no insult to your Admiral intended.

Obama: Are you sure, Dick's not around? Really?

GWB: Oh, you can never be sure what he's up to. Don't worry, (whispering) he hears everything.

Obama: Maybe we could look at some paperwork? Starting with the Executive Orders?

GWB: You're not thinking about canceling any of those are you?

Obama: Maybe just a few.

GWB: Whoa! Slow down there, Hussein. A lot of intellectualating went into those! Don't forget, I had a mandate from the people! Let's not forget history here!

Obama: Well, I'm sure history won't forget you.

GWB: Exactly, that's what I'm sayin' is all. Hey! Come over here! Check out the desk. Cool, huh? Bet you never had a desk like this one before! This one was made by Jesus, no offense. He was a carpenter! What did your guy do? I forget.

Obama: Look, I'd like to discuss the situation in Iraq.

GWB: What's your hurry? Iraq's not going anywhere. Check out the desk. I hope you have better luck with the secret compartment than I did. That's my one regret.

Obama: Secret compartment?

GWB: Yeah, like in that movie, National Treasure! I looked, man, for like a week. Nothing, except for a box of stale cigars under one drawer, two Soviet era bugs and one Israeli, and a pair of panties with "MM" embroidered on the ass. I tried calling Nick Cage, but that liberal bastard wouldn't return my messages!

Obama: Yeah, about the economy?

GWB: You're just not getting this, are you? If we can find the secret compartment - we'll find the Templar treasure!

Obama: Um, I think you're mixing up sequels - it was the City of Gold.

GWB: Hell, that's even better!

Obama: I'm really not following you here.

GWB: That's OK, I had a hard time at first too. This President thing is hard, and I don't mean hard like Clinton. If you know what I'm sayin! Heh, heh.

Obama: I don't, really.

GWB: Look, City of Gold, we find that and the economy problem is solved man!

Obama: That's your plan?

GWB: Hell yeah!

Obama: Maybe I'll just come back in January.

GWB: Don't be trying to take credit for my plan!

Obama: Don't worry.

Secret Service Agent: See, you in four weeks, Mr President.

Obama: You too, Leonard.

:::Door opens and closes:::

GWB: Geez, that guy is dense. You ever see anything like that in this office, Bob?

Secret Service Agent: Not in two hundred and thirty years.

GWB: You said you've only been here eight years, Bob, try to keep your story straight, will you? Here, help me carry this out to the car.

Secret Service Agent: What is it?

GWB: It's a bag with all the "B" and "O" keys from all the White House computer keyboards.

:::transcript ends::::

Puppies, you'll get one

moar funny pictures

A question for Michelle Obama Googlers

I'm busy this morning and don't have time at the moment for a lengthy post.

Besides, Friday stats suck anyway, since most of you are busy making up the work that you should have been doing all week instead of surfing the internet (not that I'm complaining, I appreciate that you prefer to read my site instead of actually doing the things you're paid for, I do, really. Thank you).

But, I do have a question for those of you surfing into Stonekettle Station from Google.

And in particular, those of you who keep running the search phrase "Michelle Obama Posture."

Seriously, Michelle Obama's posture?

I don't get it. What exactly are you looking for?
__________________________

1/25/09 Update: This continues to be one of the most common search strings landing on Stonekettle Station. I get twenty to thirty hits for this each day. Michelle Obama Posture. I gotta tell you people, I still don't get it.

I especially don't get that a major of searchers appear to be women. Seriously? The First Lady is highly educated, articulate, involved, outspoken, and apparently a class act and a fine role model for young women everywhere - and the only thing you're concerned about is her posture?

Men aren't the only judgmental chauvinists on the planet I see.

Racism, it's the little things.

So, yesterday I had to run a couple errands.

And I stopped by the grocery store to pick up some hamburger buns.

Now, this particular store normally has a guy standing by the door to check that the customers aren't departing without, you know, actually paying for the stuff they're leaving with. Technically I guess you could call him "The Greeter."

I go into this store a lot, and I'm familiar with the usual greeters.

Since I normally go in around the same time, I've noticed that for the last several months the greeter has been the same guy.

Like anybody in his position, most customers seem to regard him as a piece of the store equipment and usually just ignore him. I don't know him, but he sees me several times a week. The job is a thankless one, and personally I think it's rude to just walk past without at least acknowledging his presence. He nods, I nod and flash my receipt, he tells me to have a nice day, and I usually say something like "you too" - and that's about the limit of our relationship.

Did I mention that he's black? No? Well, that's probably because I don't usually notice such things other than in passing and for me skin color isn't even in the top five defining criteria I use for identifying people. For me the list goes something like: sex, age, height, build, dress, posture, demeanor - and then maybe skin tone depending on any number of other factors that might catch my eye first, such as whether or not I think he/she might be armed, specially trained, or engaged in unusual activity - and well, ample and exposed cleavage (Hey, sue me, I'm a guy). I also tend to notice if an individual is well kept, has unusual or out of place features, is displaying strange or out of place behavior, and like that. Part of this is my natural inclination, I'm just not xenophobic, I like diversity, I like people who are different than myself. Part of it is experience, I've spent most of my life in strange places and among alien cultures, places where skin tones vary widely such as Spain, Asia, South America, Africa, or the Middle East - and are rarely worth comment. In the Navy we were all Navy Blue and my shipmates' skin colors spanned the spectrum and frankly I mostly just didn't notice. And part of it is training, I was an intelligence officer and a force protection officer and I was trained to look for specific indicators that might tell me if an individual was up to no good, and those things rarely had anything to do with skin color. One of the indicators I noticed about this particular man is that he often wears a USMC button on his hat. A lot of people do, but he carries himself like a Marine, and his eyes move like a man who's seen combat. That makes him a shipmate, and those things I tend to notice first.

Yesterday, however, it was the greeter's skin color I noticed first.

Why?

Well, because as I stood in the checkout line with my bag of buns waiting for the woman in front of me to count out exact change, penny by penny, for the pack of smokes she was buying, I noticed a large number of older white people stopping to talk to the greeter. One white haired woman timidly shook his hand, which I think startled him greatly. A number looked, well, if not frightened, at least a bit nervous. The greeter looked, well, bemused and perhaps just a little amused.

As I said, I tend to notice unusual activity.

Alaska is the reddest of the Red States, and the Valley where I live is the reddest shade of crimson in the entire state. All three of our electoral votes went to Palin and her running mate, Whatshisname. Though the results aren't fully tabulated yet, it would appear that my fellow Alaskans would rather have a convicted felon in the Senate than even think about voting for a non-conservative. Ditto for our Representative, who's under investigation in the same scandal. The population here is overwhelmingly Caucasian, and African Americans are few and far between - many are military families just passing through. I've never seen any overt racism directed towards blacks - usually the racism around here is reserved for Native Alaskan Peoples - but this place is a hotbed of neocon conservatism and I suspect that it's there, if firmly below the surface.

I was only about ten feet from the front door, and even with my lousy hearing I could make out the conversations, white people were nervously congratulating the black greeter - for Barrack Obama's presidential win. The greeter caught my interest - I grinned, he rolled his eyes and we both shared a covert chuckle - and I stopped being irritated at how long the goofy bitch in front of me was taking and secretly hoped she'd take longer so I could watch the scene at the front door for a while.

It was hysterical. Young people didn't seem to notice. But the older folks, the ones in their sixties and seventies, the obvious conservatives, some sporting McCain/Palin buttons were scared. They were scared of the black guy at the front door, the guy that day before yesterday they had regarded as little more than animated store equipment. But now, well, now Americans will soon have a black president - and that was scaring the ever living bejebbers out of those old white people. You could see it in their faces, which said clearly, if reluctantly, "I just want to say to you, Black Person, I, for one, welcome our new African American Overlords."

It was everything I could do not to laugh right out loud.

It was obvious that many of these people expect African Americas to take over the country. And when that happens they fully expect to be treated just exactly as badly as they've treated people of color for their whole lives. They were acting, in point of fact, like Afrikaners when Nelson Mandela became President of South Africa - please Mr. Black Man, don't take our daughters and our farms!

The irony was just plain hysterical.

The unconscious racism of assumption was even more hysterical:

On the way out, I grinned at him and said quietly, "congratulations."

"Screw that," he said, grinning back. "I can't stand the guy. I voted for McCain."

John McCain should have won (updated)

Wait, hear me out.

John McCain should have won last night.

Internationally, America is a country at war on two fronts or more. We've been at this war longer than we were in WWII. America is a country in the throes of a deepening recession - or economic downturn, or Wall Street meltdown, or economic retrograde motion, choose your own non-panic inducing euphemism here. America is a country that has burnt a lot of bridges in the last eight years; we've alienated many of our old friends, and snuggled up against some new allies who aren't the most reliable. America is a country facing the loss of its long standing position in the world and our dollar doesn't buy nearly what it used to - which is going to have some serious consequences when you consider that our gas comes from the Middle East, our cars from Japan and Germany, our minerals from Africa, our tech support from India, our clothes from Mexico, our consumer electronics and seafood and lumber from China, our porn from Russia, our beef from Argentina, and our fresh produce from Latin America.

Domestically, Americans face a crisis at every turn, public education, mortgages, health care, agriculture, failing infrastructure, energy, industry and manufacturing, social security and vanished retirement funds, job security, in the inner cities, in the suburbs, environmentally.

There are damned few American voters who aren't aware of these things. And there are damned few Americans who, at least in their hearts even if they can't admit it out loud, don't know that the last eight years are the result of dishonorably weak, willfully ignorant, proudly illiterate, blusteringly jingoistic, and just plain cowardly piss-poor leadership from the White House.

Many Americans are afraid. David Klecha over on Midnight Highways said, "I’m tired of fear and despair" and I think he speaks directly to the general sentiment of most Americans. We're tired of fear. We're tired of being afraid of terrorism. We're tired of war. We're tired of being hated. We're tired of fearing our government. We're tired of being ashamed of our idiot leaders who tell us to be afraid. And we despair that this is the best we can expect and things will only get worse unless we do something. We need a leader of vision and verve and determination who we can follow with trust and admiration and confidence.

And so we entered this presidential election with two choices: 1) a relatively unknown, inexperienced Democrat, and 2) a well known Republican war hero, experienced and savvy in the military, foreign relations, domestic issues, and economics. Obama is young, handsome and popular, intelligent, and well educated - but a neophyte in many of the problem areas facing America, and with unproven and unknown leadership skills in a national crisis. McCain is older, extremely experienced, intelligent, and a powerful leader with proven skills and fortitude in crisis both large and small - and on the face of things a far better choice to solve the problems before us in a decisive and immediate manner.

McCain should have won.

And yet, he didn't. And, in point of fact, McCain lost his bid for the White House by a very large margin, one that cannot be significantly contested in any way shape or form. I don't want to get into the argument of mandates or landslides, but the truth of the matter is that a black man, the son of a foreigner, one generation removed from Islam, with the strange alien name of Barack Hussein Obama beat the ever living snot out of a military war hero and the very epitome of the traditional American presidential genotype.

McCain should have won.

So, how come he didn't?

There are many dynamics here, and ones that the pundits and grad students and political analysts and historians will debate for decades - but in my not so humble opinion, it comes down to one simple thing:

John McCain forgot who he was.

See, John McCain is the son of Admirals, he was a graduate of the US Naval Academy and for 22 years he was a US Navy Officer. We in the navy hold most dear as our core values three things: Honor, Courage, and Commitment. And the simple truth of the matter is that Captain John McCain USN(ret) forgot that. He gave in to desperation, he gave in to the whispers and advice of small cowardly men who never knew the strength and power of such ideals, he gave in to those who told him that he needed only the support of his party and not the support of all Americans, and more than anything he gave in to the urge to pander to the far right radical fear-mongers. He gave in to dishonor and fear and a commitment to the politics of hate.

John McCain had the audacity to look surprised when his chickens came home to roost - the same as any parent who uses the term "nigger" in their private home conversation, and then acts shocked and surprised when their own children use the same term in public at the most inopportune moment, "Oh! Sorry. I don't know where he picked that up!" Oops, how embarrassing - but we all know exactly where that child picked up that word, don't we? I'm speaking of course of the defining moment of the McCain campaign: Gayle Quinnel's now infamous statement, "I've read about Obama ... and he's an Arab!" during a McCain rally on national television. McCain didn't look surprised, only embarrassed and irritated, and replied "No ma'am. He's a decent family man, a citizen, that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues." The expression on his face and the tone of his voice said clearly, "Oh my! I don't know where she picked that up!" Oops, how embarrassing.

Yes, how embarrassing indeed. For all of us.

Especially when I'm quite sure that John McCain knew exactly where old fearful conservative Gayle Quinnel picked up that thought - directly from the McCain campaign itself, from McCain himself, from Sarah Palin, and from every Neocon who was out there stumping for them. The McCain campaign's statements are a matter of public record, Obama is a terrorist, Obama consorts with terrorists, Obama is a racist, Obama consorts with black supremacists, Obama is an Arab, Obama is a Muslim, Obama is a radical Islamist, Obama isn't an American, Obama wasn't even born in the United States, Obama doesn't have a birth certificate, Obama is the anti-Christ (no, seriously), Obama's wife hates America and hates white people, Obama is a Marxist, Obama is a Socialist, on and on ad nauseam. Conservatives can deny this all they like, but they know that I'm right and they damned well know what was said. Many of them still believe those statements, many of them are still repeating this nonsense and will until they die, despite all evidence to the contrary. McCain's campaign made Obama the enemy, not simply the political opposition. McCain's campaign wasn't in a race, they were at war, and just like in any war they set about vilifying the enemy just as we've always done, except this time it wasn't the krauts, or the nips, or the gooks, or the slopes, or the camel jockeys - it was Obama.

Certainly John McCain himself didn't say all of those things in public, but his running mate did, and members of his campaign did, and his party did, and his supporters did. And John McCain let it stand, taking exception to the rhetoric and the fear and the hate only when confronted directly with it on national television - and then only in a half-hearted ambiguous manner, one that showed he knew exactly where that frightened old lady picked up that thought, one that showed quite clearly that he was depending on a lot of frightened Americans just like Gayle Quinnel in order to win the White House.

Any Navy Captain worth his salt understands this one thing above all others: you are personably responsible for everything that happens under your command. Everything. And the conduct of your crew is a direct reflection on you. Period. And it makes me wonder exactly what kind of officer John McCain actually was. I'm not so crass as to stand here and judge the service of a man I've never served under, but I have to wonder, where were those who did? Where were his fellow EPW's? Where were the Chiefs and Officers who served under his command when he returned from Hanoi? Because many of them them are remarkably silent.

John McCain could have won, and won easily, if he had been true to his training, if he had held true to the principles of Naval Leadership. He called himself a Maverick, but the simple truth of the matter is that he acted more like a stable nag - that old gelding at the YMCA summer camp who has trodden the same worn trail so many times that it will not deviate from the path no matter how hard its 8-year old rider yanks on the reins. Round and round and back to the barn for a pan of grain. Every day, more of the same, year after year, until the glue truck comes to take it away. And in this case that old worn trail is the politics of hate and fear and xenophobia.

John McCain should have won and he could have if he had held true to his oath as a Naval Officer, if he had spoken out forcefully against the failed Bush doctrine of torture, secret prisons, rendition, extra-constitutional surveillance of Americans, preemptive war, the degradation of the Constitutional Bill of Rights, the Nuclear Option. If he was a true maverick, then he would have defied the radical elements of his party and directly supported the right to choose, the strict separation of church and state, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, life, liberty, and happiness for all Americans - even the gay ones. He should have lived up to the basic ethic of any Navy captain and taken responsibility for the actions of his crew, he should have stated clearly and forcefully and as many times it took: "Barrack Obama is my opponent not my enemy, and I will not see him vilified on my watch and I will NOT allow anyone in my campaign to do so. If you must hate this man then you should join the American Nazi Party, I do not want your vote. I will win this election on my strengths, not on Obama's weaknesses, and if you don't believe in me enough to believe that I am that man, then don't vote for me." John McCain should have done what any Navy Captain does with his crew, give them hope, make them believe, inspire them, remind them of their duty, make them proud, and always lead them by example.

John McCain should have won - if he was the man he claimed to be.

John McCain should have won - if he had acted like the Naval Officer he once was and held true to Honor, Courage, and Commitment.

John McCain should have won - if he was a true maverick.

[update*]

But see, John McCain is not a maverick, and - if we have to use the horse analogy -he is merely the second coming of the same old neocon cavalry. His message is the same message we've been hearing since September 12, 2001, and it's a message that the American people are tired of.

It the final analysis, it was Barack Obama's message that resonated with the American people. In the end, overwhelmingly last night, Americans said experience is nothing if not tempered with wisdom. John McCain had many things going for his candidacy, age, experience, heroism - but he offered us nothing that we didn't already have.

Obama offered us hope.

[end update]

Today, well, today is an amazing day. Today the American flag is being waved by singing Muslims in the streets of Kenya. Today the America flag is flying above joyous crowds in Europe, Asia, Africa, South America and even in the Middle East.

Today, for the first time in a long, long while the majority of Americans feel hope, and the world is hopeful with us.

Today, a very clear message rings forcefully over our nation, We are tired of fear and despair and we have chosen a new path.

Today, we have sent a message to the White House, the House of Representatives, and to the Senate and that message is this: You work for us.

Today, we have sent a message to the NeoCons: You don't own this country, you do not speak for us, you are not the majority.

Today, we have defined exactly what history will write of George W. Bush and his presidency of hate, fear, and despair.

Today, we have elected not a maverick, but a true leader.

Today, is a good day.

_______________________________

*I updated this because I received an email from Jon in California who said that he wasn't sure if I was upset at McCain's loss or not. Rereading it, I realized that I'd left out a connecting paragraph due to an interrupting phone call (no, it wasn't Uncle Ted). So, I put that paragraph back in.

But just so I'm completely clear, no I'm not in the least upset that McCain lost. In fact, I'm overjoyed.

Holy Freakin' Crap!

I've been busy.

I just looked at the poll results.

Holy Shit.

I expected Obama to win, I didn't expect it to be a landslide.

____________________________

More, later.

Done!

Yep, I voted.

Here's the proof:

As you can tell from the pictures, Shop Cat, [insert actual animal name here when final determination is made], is unimpressed. Cats simply aren't big on democracy in general, being strict Monarchists. I get the impression that cats consider democracy an oddity particular to the servant monkey class. (Me! Pet Me! Feed Me! Scratch Me. My box, it's stinky, fix it now, servant monkey! Me me me!)

No lines. None. At least when I went in. There were a couple of people when I came out of the booth. I vote on the MatSu college campus and most of the students were wearing "I voted Today!" stickers, so you know, cool.

Of course, it being Alaska, I'm pretty sure most everybody voted for Sarah Palin and What's His Name (not the Black Arab Guy, the other one). Considering the number of McCain/Palin signs on the cars in the parking lot, I figure that's a pretty good indicator. Whatever - that's democracy for you, and they should vote for who they want, not who I want, even if they're wrong, wrong, wrong. Damnit.

Procedural note: Poll workers may NOT discuss anything about any candidate. Period. Including the fact that a candidate may be left or right handed. I had to move the registration book around so I could sign it (being left handed and not being able to move said left arm very far due to nerve damage. You want to be able to read my signature, you let me put the damned book where I want it. Just sayin').

Which caused the nice older lady behind the desk to say, "Hey, both of the candidates are left handed too!"

To which I replied, "Yes, I believe that you are..."

At which point the less-nice older lady running the polling station stepped in, "Stop! Poll workers may not discuss the candidates in any way. Any further discussion regarding the candidates will result in you being sent home! (she was addressing the poll worker, me she just glared at)."

Whoa, that's strict, but you can see why the rule exists. Don't want dexterity to influence the voting public now, do we?

Anyway, my patriotic duty is done. Not that I have any illusions about which way Alaska's pitiful three electoral votes are going, but hey, it's the principle of the thing.

Right?

Attention Ted Stevens (updated)

Stop calling my house.

No, really, stop calling me.

Seriously, Ted, fuck the hell off.

This includes your wife, daughter, and any other member of your family including your goddamned computer. I'm not interested in welcoming you home to Alaska. I'm not interested in welcoming you home to the Valley. I'm not interested in participating in an online town hall meeting. So far your idiotic recorded messages have interrupted my dinner or my TV show a dozen times now, and today alone I've gotten five automated calls from either you or people who want me to vote for you. This has passed irritation for me and is moving into the realm of harassment. You never gave a shit what I thought before your legal problems, you never asked for my opinion before - but now that you're a convicted felon, suddenly you want to connect to me? Yeah, kiss my ass, Ted Stevens.

Let's see if I can clear this up for you: I'm not voting for you. Period. Not tomorrow. Not ever. Really, piss off.

Even if I was inclined to vote Republican this time around, which I emphatically am not, I wouldn't vote for you. You want to know why? It's simple really: because you think I'm stupid. Because you think all of us Alaskans are stupid. Because you hold your constituents in contempt. Because you're an arrogant son of a bitch who has been around too damned long and because you think you can get away with anything. And because when you got caught with your hand in the cookie jar, you tried to lie your way out of it instead of taking responsibility.

Let's review, shall we? Your legal defense consisted of "I paid all the bills I was given," and "I did nothing wrong." Fail. Even if you're telling the truth, which I seriously doubt, it's still big old jumbo sized can of fail.

There are two possibilities here: 1) You really are so stupid and so naive and so out of touch with reality that you actually think that all those home improvements only cost a couple of bucks, in which case you are too stupid and too naive and too out of touch with the average Alaskan homeowner to be our Senator, or 2) you're a lying guilty sack of shit, who knew exactly what that stuff cost - which is why you didn't declare it on your Congressional Disclosure Reports - in which case you shouldn't be my Senator. There isn't another option and either way you're not getting my vote.

Now, even if I did have some pity for a greedy old man who's career has ended in disgrace, there's the rest of it, the automated phone calls and the TV commercials telling me how you've done so much for Alaska, and how you're the only guy who can represent our state, how we'll lose our seniority in the Senate should you not be reelected. While the rest of us Alaskans were paying $4.70 a gallon, or higher, for gas, you were getting you pockets lined. While the rest of us are facing record high heating costs this winter, losing our jobs, losing our houses, losing our businesses, losing our insurance, hell in some cases losing entire villages, where exactly are you? Getting a handjob from Bill Allen? What is it exactly that you've done for me and my fellow citizens - I mean other than make us all look like fools? You expect me to believe that you're the best we can do? I don't think so.

We're got a governor who's busy making the rest of the world think Alaskan's are all goofy, ignorant, uneducated, racist, alarmist, GWB lovin' rednecks. We've got a significant portion of our state government under indictment, in jail, or on their way to the same. We've got our only US Representative under investigation. And you want me to vote for you?

Despite what you might think, Uncle Teddy, I'm not that stupid. If you really wanted my vote, if you really wanted to know what I think, if you really wanted my suggestion - well, then you should have done one simple thing: Your Job. With honor, and integrity, and honesty. You should have looked out for Alaskans, all Alaskans, not just your pals in the oil industry. You would have been out here in the Valley, and on the slope, and in the interior villages, in the schools, and the towns, and the hospitals.

Instead you and the morons who support you want me to believe that given a choice between a democrat and a convicted felon, I should waste my vote on the felon?

You know what, Ted, screw you and the VECO bribe you rode in on. I don't like being called stupid and I don't like being talked down to, and you know what? I damned sure am not going to take it from you.

Tomorrow we're going to find out if Alaskans really are dumb enough to reelect your convicted, entitled, self-serving ass. I for one sure as hell hope you're wrong, that we really aren't that stupid.

Either way, you're not getting my vote.

So, stop calling me.

_______________________________________

Seriously, what the fuck do I have to do here? File a restraining order?

We're now at ten calls today, and three visits at my front door.

I'd take the phone off the hook, but my son is at a basketball game and is going to call me when he's ready to be picked up.

Fuck you, Ted Stevens, leave me alone, you doddering old bastard. If for no other reason than the fact that you're irritating the piss out of me, I hope you rot in prison until you die you arrogant annoying prick.

________________________________________

Eleven calls. I'll tell you all I'm on the verge of kicking an old man's ass. I am.

Tomorrow

Unless the polls and pundits are completely wrong, tomorrow Barrack Obama will be the President Elect of the United States of America.

Obama is showing a comfortable lead in both the popular vote and in the electoral college.

He could still lose, of course. Liberals always talk about grass roots movement, and power to the people, and getting out the youth vote. Liberals will march and knock on doors and make signs and answer polls. But then when it actually comes time to vote, well they're always off saving the whales or something and never quite seem to make it into the voting booth.

But, this time around, well if they actually do go vote - Obama will be President.

Conservatives are understandably pissed. A rather large number of conservatives have more or less already conceded defeat, either declaring that the democrats have rigged the vote or that they're just not going to vote at all. I've read a number of comments from conservatives, both online and in email, in the last couple of days that state emphatically if Obama wins they're going to move to Canada (Hyperbole aside, I find the threat of moving to Canada to get away from what they perceive as a socialist presidency especially hysterical. Good luck with that, Republicans, really. Oh, and you know Canada is not going to let you bring your guns, right?). Frankly, if tomorrow goes as projected, a lot of conservatives are going to be gnashing their teeth and clenching their fists and crying in their beer.

Too damned bad.

Tomorrow, McCain is most likely going to have to make that call - the one where he graciously concedes the race to a black man with the middle name of Hussein. And a lot of Conservatives just can't understand how this could happen. John McCain himself shows every indication of a man who simply can not understand why he is losing - and like most people who seem to think they're not being understood, his response is to keep repeating the same message, more and more loudly. What he, and his supporters simply don't seem to grasp is this: a majority of Americans do understand exactly what he's saying - they just don't agree with him.

Let's see if I can spell it out:

First, try to imagine how big of a lead Obama would have if he wasn't a black man with the middle name of Hussein.

Second, the simple truth of the matter is that a large majority of Americans are sick and tired of what the Republican party has become.

Up until recently, I was a republican. But, see, I grew up in the 60's. To me republicans were those guys in black pants, white shirts and skinny dark ties, the ones with the brush cuts and horn rimmed glasses. Democrats were the ones in bell bottoms and tie-died vests, the ones with long greasy hair and a bag of weed. Liberals would write science-fiction stories about going to other worlds. Republicans were those guys who actually landed Apollo on the moon and Viking on Mars, they were the steely-eyed missile men who manned Mission Control with slide rules and a raw belief in science, technology, and engineering. Republicans were those guys who ran General Motors and IBM and Wall Street. Liberals were the ones who panhandled, and talked about divvying up the wealth and railed against 'the Man.' Republicans were those gray-haired guys who walked with a limp, who still had a chunk of shrapnel in their hip from that winter in the Ardennes or that beach on Saipan. Republicans were those guys who pulled out the spread sheets and calculators and demanded to know how much it was going to cost, Republican's were the smart guys who weren't going let the country get hoodwinked into some endless money pit. Democrats were the ones who said the cost didn't matter and that capitalism was a yoke on the necks of the working class. Republicans were the Scout leaders who taught us to be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. Republicans were the ones who didn't run off to Canada when their draft number came up, and they were the guys who came home to be buried with honors beneath the green grass of Arlington. Democrats were the ones who burned their draft cards and their bras and voted for McGovern. Democrats were weak, ineffectual, tree-hugging hippies who wanted us all to live on communes and spend the rest of our lives stoned on organic hemp. Democrats were starry eyed dreamers, and while the ability to dream big dreams is important - democrats never seemed to follow through. They'd do sit-ins, and love-ins, and music festivals in support of the cause de jour, and leave somebody more responsible to clean up the roaches and the overflowing port-O-potties and the generic wine bottles and the dirty diapers after it was over - and the people usually cleaning up the mess were republicans. Republicans went to college and studied science, engineering, medicine and took ROTC. Democrats were Liberal Arts majors who spent so much time protesting outside the Student Union that most of them never actually managed to graduate, or if they did they went off and joined the Peace Corps and fed poor people in other countries. Republicans were the ones taking care of America, Democrats were all singing and dancing and getting VD.

A biased and nostalgic view of the GOP? Oh yes, to be sure. But there is some truth in it.

There was always the religious part of the party. Conservatives were good God fearing American folks. Farmers and factory workers, who went to church on Sunday morning - didn't matter which one, as long as you went - and then drank PBR and watched football in the afternoons while their wives fixed the Sunday roast. There was always the Xenophobia, blacks were fine providing they didn't get 'uppity,' Mexicans were fine as long as they understood their place was in the fields or the orchards - as long as everybody understood that their place was on the correct side of the tracks everything was fine. Only liberals worried about the ERA and only radicals talked about Black Power.

But then, somewhere along the line things changed. Minorities stopped being content with second best, and stopped being minorities for that matter. There was the energy shortages and Watergate and a lost war. There was a recession and the collapse of the USSR and the emergence of China, India, and the European Union. Jobs went overseas. 'Made in America' became a rare phrase indeed to find on the bottom of products bought in American stores. The power balance shifted and we got things like Reaganomics and trickle-down strategies and bailouts and takeovers. And suddenly, without really noticing, the GOP has become the anti-science, anti-engineering, anti-abortion, anti-everything party, run by rich crazy religious zealots who seem to think the Earth is 6000 years old and that Noah kept dinosaurs as pets and that poor people are poor because that's what poor people do and that the environment is exactly how God wants it to be.

Over the last couple of decades, the GOP has stopped talking about "working" for America, and instead now talks about "fighting" for America. Republicans are at war, the War on Terrorism, the War on Drugs, the War on Communism and Socialism and Marxism and Atheism and Liberalism, the War on Illegal Immigration, the War on Poverty, the War on Elitism, the War against War.

Republicans don't work any more, they fight.

George W. Bush summed it up perfectly, you're either with us, or you're against us - and that's how many in the GOP seem to see America nowadays, either you're a Republican or you're an enemy of the state. Period. There is no middle ground. Republicans are Patriots with a capital "P," and depending on their age Democrats are socialists, or Arab Terrorists, or Marxists, or Dirty Commies (even though not one American in a hundred could actually explain what those terms mean without looking them up). If you're not a Christian, you're not a Patriot. If you're not a Patriot, you're not an American. Republicans no longer talk about America as a melting pot, a land of opportunity, a place where anyone can find the so-called American dream, a place where the the privileged help the poor and the tired and the wretched refuse of distant teeming shores. Republican leaders haven't yet used the term 'manifest destiny,' but it's there, implied, just under the surface. This is our land, us Straight Born Again White People, and if you don't like it well you can damned well get out. GOP leaders don't just disagree with with liberals, they fucking hate them. Hate them. If you're not one of us, you're our enemy.

And I think that message is exactly what John McCain has been saying. He came into this election as a decorated combat Veteran, a man who knew more of honor, courage, commitment, duty, and country than anyone else in the race. He came into this election as one of the most highly experienced US Senators, a guy that knew more about the economy, foreign relations, science, technology, and the military at the government level than just about anybody else in the country. He came into this election as a Senior Citizen, a man who should personally understand the burden of age on our increasingly aging population. He's a man who understands politics and Washington. And yet, and yet, his campaign has really focused on none of those things, he hasn't played to any of his strengths. Instead, he and his running mate have spent the last month vilifying Barrack Obama, the terrorist, the Arab, the Muslim, the Kenyan, the Socialist, the Elitist. Obama is not John McCain's opponent, he's the enemy of America.

John McCain's campaign is the embodiment of the Bush Doctrine, i.e. if you're not with me, you're my enemy. Here's my plan: look, over there, see that dark skinned guy with the funny name? Yeah, he's the enemy. Back me up, rally to my banner, follow me blindly - or the enemies of America will win. These people are stealing our country (and I'll leave it up to you to figure out who the "our" in "our country" is). We're losing the White House not because our message doesn't resonate with true Americans, but because there are more enemies than true Americans left. We've lost the Senate and the House not because Republicans got voted out, not because Republican Senators are going to jail in records numbers, not because righteous men were found cruising airport restrooms - no we've lost the majority because it was stolen from us! We must fight!

But here's the thing. Americans are still in large part Americans. A large number are worried about the economy and by extension the poor. They're tired of seeing the rich get richer and the poor get poorer and they're not convinced that being poor is entirely the fault of poor people - especially when they see a number of friends and family suddenly out on the street themselves. A large number of Americans are sick and tired of paying taxes so that Republicans can give their buddies on Wall Street and in Detroit big fat bailouts without any kind of plan for paying it back or any assurance that it won't happen again. A lot of Americans realize that the only time in the last twenty-fours years when we haven't had a staggering national deficit was under the liberal Clinton, and not under the helm of the 'fiscal conservatives.' A lot of Americans are getting older, and they wonder if maybe American science could save them from spending the last decades of their lives as mindless husks eating baby food through an IV if only their president didn't veto every stem-cell medical bill that crosses his desk. A large number of Americans are worried about the environment and are savvy enough to see that we need to do something other than deny the evidence before our eyes. A large number of Americans are sick of being told what to believe, who to marry, who to love. A lot of Americans have American friends with names like Jesus, Manolo, Muhamed, and Hussein and they don't like it when the government calls those people terrorists just because they happen to have dark skin - they remember when their own grandparents were interred in camps right here in the American because they were Issei. A large number of Americans are sick and tired and Goddamned angry about sending their children off to die or be maimed in a foreign land, for no damned reason that they can understand, for a lie. A large number of Americans are sick and tired and Goddamned madder than hell about their vanishing rights, about the erosion of the Constitution, about being treated like terrorists in their own airports and on the streets of their own country because of their name, or their skin color, or their religion.

And I'm one of them.

One day I sat down and looked at the things I believe in and realized that none of those things are what the Republican Party stands for anymore. Not one. And I went down and changed my voter registration to undeclared. Really, it's as simple as that - the GOP simply does not represent anything that I believe in. And I don't think I've changed much over the years.

And tomorrow will tell if I'm in the majority or not.

The polls would seem to indicate that I am, and that gives me hope for the future of this country.

I'm a Hybrid

36 miles per gallon

Created by The Car Connection

Bumper Stickers That Are Gonna Look Real Stupid...

...in about three days.

And, in fact, look pretty damned dumb right now.

"Our Mama Is Going To Beat Your Obama!"

Yeah, have fun scraping that off your back window next Wednesday.

Trick or Treat Fail

Attention Employees of Restaurants, Grocery Stores, Starbucks, and oh hell, well, everybody who dresses oddly all year around: If you're going to wear an actual costume on Halloween, you need to also wear a button or a sign that says,

"This is a costume, please compliment me on it. Thank you."

If you dress in such a manner that I can't tell the difference between your normal appearance and a costume, do not act offended when I fail to notice on Halloween.



If you normally wear makeup in unnatural colors that looks like somebody applied it to you with a paint-roller or an industrial caulking gun, if you normally decorate your face so that it looks like the south end of a northbound peacock, if your standard makeup scheme can best be defined as "David Bowman's psychedelic passage through the Star Gate Monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey" then don't be surprised when I don't notice that your Halloween costume is a mime, Bozo the Clown, Nancy Grace, The Joker from Batman, or a Japanese kabuki girl.

If you normally choose your wardrobe from the Salvation Army dumpster and your Halloween costume is a 60's go-go dancer, a homeless person, a Lehman Brothers investment fund manager, or Kurt Cobain, there's a pretty good chance I won't notice even if you pointedly ask me what I think of your outfit. The best you can hope for is that I'll say something noncommittal like, "It looks good on you."

If you wear camo pants or your dad's old Vietnam Army jacket every damned day of the year and your Halloween costume is a deer hunter, the Deer Hunter, The Master Chief, or a member of the Michigan Militia, well, I'm probably not going to notice just because you added a camo bandanna tied around your forehead and I'll probably be giving you a wide berth anyway.

If your face is pierced through every conceivable fold, flap, lobe, brow, lip, nostril, cheek, chin, and tongue and you've got more stainless steel embedded in your head than a kitchen supply store, don't be surprised when I don't notice that your Halloween costume is a blender, motherboard, cell phone tower, doberman pincher, The Terminator, or Dick Cheney's mechanical heart.

If you are an emo kid and your costume is Dark Matter, Darth Vader, Johnny Cash, Bono, a black hole, black body radiation, the Labrea Tar Pits, the personification of self-pitying angst, or Dick Cheney's black mechanical heart there's a pretty good chance I'll just laugh mockingly at you in my usual fashion unless you either smile or wear something pink, yellow, or generally uncorpse like. Also, try taking a shower.

If you are covered from head to toe in skull and spiderweb tattoes and your costume is a Hell's Angel, a member of the Aryan Nation, or a Folsom Penetentry Alumni out on parole, well, you just stay on your side of the room and I'll stay on mine. OK?

If you are a chimpanzee, bonobo, baboon, Bobo the Monkey Boy, or any other non-human member of the hominids and your costume is George W. Bush... dude, seriously, don't. It's demeaning to your species and it's too easy.

The following costumes are absolutely garenteed to make me kick your ass at least once on All Hallow's Eve: Osama Bin Laden in a 7-11 uniform, Sarah Palin complete with annoying faux Minny-sota accent oh yeh, Tina Fey costume under Sarah Palin costume complete with annoying faux Minny-sota accent oh yeh, a Texan, Sponge Bob Squarepants, Dick Cheney's black mechanical heart, Ted Stevens with his hand out, an Ewok, PeeWee Herman, a Postal Employee, or a Pirate costume complete with large belt-buckle mounted steering wheel so that when people ask about it you can respond with "Argh! It's drivin' me nuts!"

Thank you and please don't TP my house.