Diet Coke and Mentos

Have you seen the lunatics over at Eepy Bird?




I love these guys, in a strictly one-man-admiring-another-man-making-a-living-by-goofing-off sort of way. Check out some of their other videos.

On you own for Sunday too

You ever notice how everything goes to hell all at once? Especially when you're having fun?

Yesterday we spent the afternoon at the native heritage center in Anchorage, watching native dancing and other cool stuff. It was so cool that we spent a lot longer there than I planned on. So, in fact, I didn't get half the stuff done that I needed to do yesterday. So, I've still got a bunch of stuff to do today. Also I have the local Scout Master coming over to pick up the rain gutter regatta setup that I fixed for the local cub pack. This is a particular trial, since I really do not like the Scout Master, at all. And I suspect that today is going to be particularly difficult, as I have explained to him that I will no longer do any work for the scouts because I do not agree with their policies regarding gays and non-Christians. I've been polite about it, but I've reached a point where I simply am not going to be polite any more (it's a long story, I may tell you more about it someday).

I got up early so I could get out to the shop and pull the rain gutters and support trestles out and get them ready. Unfortunately, this morning I am in major pain, my shoulder is killing me (much more than usual that is), so getting the stuff down from the top shelf of my storage rack was seriously painful. And because I was having problems, and I am too stupid to ask my wife for help, I dropped one of the gutters and broke the end off. Which meant I had to fix it. Argh!

And to top it off, in the middle of the process, the final light bank burned out in the shop. This is not good.

I have three florescent light banks in the shop, which include 18 eight-foot lights. I've been slowly losing lights over the last year. In the summer this isn't problem because I work with both the high bay doors open and there's plenty of light. I also have workstation lights over specific tools. However in winter, when I have to have the doors closed (because it's, you know, negative 20 outside), the light banks become a whole lot more important. Unfortunately, replacing the lights is a major chore, the ceiling is 20ft high, necessitating either a lift or scaffolding. I'd prefer to use a power lift since I can quickly move that around the shop, however a 20ft lift rents for around $200 a day hereabouts. Scaffolding is a lot cheaper, about $80 a day, but you've got to set it up and moving it is a bitch. And I'll have to reposition at least nine times, and frankly I'm just not in the mood for it. Right now I'm trying to see if I can find a rental shop with a 16' step ladder. A step ladder is a serious pain, because of the size of the lights, but much easier to move than scaffolding and much cheaper than a lift. I suppose I should just buy one, but a 18' ladder runs around $400 and I don't need one all that often. I'll figure it out, but as you can see I'm a little strapped for time today.

So, you're all on your own today. Go have fun. See you tomorrow.

On your own for Saturday

I'm a little busy today.

I've got a bunch of stuff to do around the house that I've been putting off, and then I've got to go into Anchorage and won't be back until late.

So, I'm going to be off-line until probably tomorrow morning. You kids have fun.



Also - I'm starting to see comments on Deep Thunder - in character comments. This tickles me to no end. Thanks.

Deep Thunder Weirdness

I've been having some weird formatting issues over on Deep Thunder. I swear it is as if the HTML formatting code has developed sentience, malignant sentience.

I'm writing the story in MS Word (shut up!) and then cutting and pasting it piecemeal into the blogger editor after I'm satisfied that each published post won't back me into a corner later (which is why I have a lot more written than I have up on Deep Thunder, very strange way to write a story let me tell you. More like writing a weekly TV serial). Unfortunately, a bunch of buried HTML comes along with the text when you do it that way. Usually it's fairly benign, but once in a while weird shit do happen, so to speak.

I deleted the screwy post, pasted the text into notepad to strip off the coding, and copied that text (as ASCII text only) into the blogger editor. The weird formatting went away - in fact all formatting went away. And it would not, no how, no way, acknowledge the paragraph breaks. They showed up fine in 'preview' but every time I posted it, the text would end up in one big run-on paragraph. So I went back and edited the post in HTML mode, inserting the bracket 'p' bracket code for forced paragraph breaks. Again, looked good in preview, but it was one big mess when I posted it. Weird weird weird. I decided that troubleshooting and determining the actual cause was just too much damned trouble, so instead I applied creationist logic and decided that the problem was a curse on mankind for having sex and eating apples.

Snark aside, I think I've finally beaten it into submission. However I may be wrong. If you go by Deep Thunder, and it looks weirder than usual. Let me know here please. Thanks.

Rymes with Witch

What the hell is it with the Democrats lately?

I don't mind taking hits on my records, on issues. But when someone starts throwing mud, at least we can hope it's accurate and not right out of the Republican play book, So said Hillary Clinton in response to John Edwards during last night's debate in Nevada.

Exactly, what Hillary said.

What is it about this women that inspires such loathing in people? Is it because she comes off as such a bitch? When men are tough, outspoken, and forceful, they are referred as, well, tough, outspoken, and forceful. When a women is tough, outspoken and forceful, she's a bitch. Is it as simple as that?

Clinton was widely despised as First Lady, and frankly I've got to wonder why. When Diana, Princess of Wales stopped putting up with her idiot husband's infidelity and decided to stop being the Royal brood mare, and then got involved in world health care and became the poster child for AIDs awareness in Africa, she was hailed as a hero here in America. When Hillary stopped putting up with her idiot husband's infidelity and got involved in the heath care debate, she was reviled as a bitch. Was it because Diana was pretty and demure and wore sun dresses with big dots? And Hillary was, well, not-pretty and caustic and wore severely cut pants-suits? I don't know, but I'll tell you this - at least when Hillary Clinton was First Lady I knew we had a First Lady. Where the hell is, uh, whatshername? Oh yeah, Laura. Where hell is Laura Bush? George might as well be married to Dick Cheney, for all we see of the First Lady in this administration.

Hillary had the wherewithal to get herself elected to the Senate, where she's become a force to be reckoned with - no small feat for a women in that good ole' boys club. So yeah, she's a bitch. A tough, forceful, and outspoken bitch. Of course she is, she'd pretty much have to be, wouldn't she? And honestly, isn't that what you want in your Senator? I mean, the last thing I'd want in my congressional representative is some pretty passive wall flower - I expect my Senator to get into the thick of the fray and swing a couple of roundhouses, damnit.

But, by the Unnamed Feminist Deity, she scares the everliving crap out both Republicans and Democrats alike, doesn't she? Republicans I can understand, there's nothing more frightening to the Christian Right than a powerful woman. Look at Laura Bush, if you can find her I mean. She's the perfectly made-up, manikin-passive, baby-machine, Stepford Wife ideal of the conservative female.

But the Democrats? What's the deal with these people? During the Nevada Democratic debate, Barrack Obama and John Edwards did everything but call Hillary a bitch. However, if you watched it on TV, you can clearly see that both of them were thinking it. It was like that scene in Beetle Juice where Michael Keaton says "Ah Ah, nobody says the b-word!"

I mean, come on. What are the democratic front runner strategies again? Let's review the score card:
Clinton: War, Terrorism, Health Care, Education!
Obama: Vote for me, I'm the Anti-Bush, and at least I'm not Hillary!
Edwards: Vote for me. I'm practically a Republican, but at least I'm not Hillary!
Biden: Vote for me, you bunch of retards. Screw Hillary, that stupid bitch!
Kucinich: Vote for...Hey! What's that in the sky? Look everybody, space aliens!

Hell, Hillary Clinton gets more respect from John McCain.

In my opinion, the rest of the Democratic front runners look and act scared. And when frightened people talk, especially in public, they often fail to see the consequences of their words. By attacking Clinton on a personal level instead of debating her on a professional level, by engaging in childish "she said" rhetoric, Obama and Edwards have put themselves in the position of children facing a stern adult. And just like children facing an adult, they're going to lose. Clinton is a savvy and experienced politician, she's smart and very aggressive, and she's enough of an outright bitch to take control of the situation. And that's exactly what she did last night, she slapped Obama and Edwards down, hard. And did it in a manner that clearly shows she's driving the bus and she's had just about enough nonsense from the backseat.

I've really got to wonder what Obama and Edwards are thinking. They've pretty much burned their bridges, the both of them. If Hillary takes the the Democratic nomination, as seems very likely at the moment, both of them have given up any chance of being her running mate. So what then? You know as well as I do, they'll be forced by their own party to throw their weight behind Clinton in her run for the White House. What are they going to say to their supporters then? Something along the lines of "Well, I know I said she was a nasty bitch, but, hey, better the Democratic Devil You Know as apposed to the Republican Devil You Also Know? And then, I guess they'll go back to being Senators. And how's that going to work, when the woman they vilified is the President they'll have to work with? Here's a suggestion, you two, why don't you guys start telling us why we should vote for you, instead of why we shouldn't vote for Hillary. Just a thought.

Personally, I don't much care for Hillary Clinton, but that doesn't mean that I don't think she wouldn't make a decent President. If it comes down to it, I'd much rather have a tough, aggressive, hardnosed bitch for a President than some whiny, childish git or some likable buffoon. And I damned sure would rather see Clinton in office than the current lunatic tyrant, but I guess that pretty much goes without saying.

Deep Thunder

The latest VanDerDecken post is up on Deep Thunder.

There's now a link box to the blog over there ->
(you may have to do a full refresh to see the changes)

More soon, today, if it stops snowing.

Yes, I am a slacker

I am now running behind this morning. Because, instead of doing something constructive, I spent the last two hours photoshopping funny pictures for the LOLCreashun contest over on Scalzi's Whateveresque. I've got two different entries on page 2, the higher res originals are here. I will probably do more, because 1) I'm having fun, and 2) I really want that personalized copy of The Ghost Brigades he's giving away as the prize.

(And NO, I did not find the double dammed Corel Paint Shop Pro CD, I went out and bought Corel Paint Shop Pro X2 because I figured I wanted the newest version anyway. X2 is the bomb, it beats the socks off Adobe, and costs about half as much. Runs great under Vista.)

Now, I've got to go plow snow again, and then run to the Post Office and do a couple of other errands. When I get back I've got some writing to do and some posts to make over on Deep Thunder.

So, you know, be patient and shit.

Blue Diamond

This is the Knik (pronounced K-nik, say the "Cuh" sound) Glacier from my back window. It's about fifteen miles away, at the base of the Chugach rampart. That's it, right there in the middle. Cool, uh? (pun definitely intended)


In the summer, when the trees are fully leafed out, you can't see the glacier from the ground level of my house, you've got to go upstairs onto the second deck sunroom balcony to see it. In the winter though, you can see the whole icefield from the main floor. Today it's overcast and and gray out, but there was this one shaft of sunlight illuminating the ice. So, I decided to share it with you.

If you're a Google Earth person, you can get to the right place by starting Google Earth, then searching for the placemark: "191205 Op Knik Glacier"

University of Delaware, Jerkoff of the Week, or When Liberalism goes Completely Insane

"A RACIST: A racist is one who is both privileged and socialized on the basis of race by a white supremacist (racist) system. 'The term applies to all white people (i.e., people of European descent) living in the United States, regardless of class, gender, religion, culture or sexuality. By this definition, people of color cannot be racists, because as peoples within the U.S. system, they do not have the power to back up their prejudices, hostilities, or acts of discrimination….'"

A quote from the Black Panthers' Mission Statement perhaps? Nope, guess again.

This quote is taken directly from the University of Delaware's Russell Complex resident curriculum, that basically requires all white students to acknowledge that they are privileged racists. If you have the stomach for it you can read the entire thing here (it's a PDF download). But be warned, it's 99 pages long and appears to have been written by a group of people suffering from some form of bizarre shared mental illness.

Numerous articles have been written regarding this program in recent days and I don't want to tread already trampled ground. And it does appear that UD has, at least temporarily, suspended the program of mandatory indoctrination due to the massive negative backlash. Instead, what I want to do is examine how a fundamentally admirable assumption can go horribly wrong through the application of faulty logic and group thinking.

UD's original objective appears to have been sound, which basically can be summed as: Diversity is Good, I Gotta Get Me Some Of That. Then the curriculum developers made some seriously flawed assumptions in support of this objective:

The first assumption was that Student Affairs (the University department traditionally devoted to non-academic student needs, such as housing, employment, tuition, medical, etc) can no longer be just a 'service provider.' Instead, according to 'Leading Scholars' Student Affairs must take an active role in 'designing and delivering an intentional, sequential, and outcome based out-of-class education.'* The new direction for Student Affairs is to 'focus on student learning, rather than student satisfaction.'
*Rationale Statement, page 3-5, Russell Complex Curriculum, Designing Initiatives for Social Justice. Everything else in this document depends from this basic assumption.

Let's start right here. Strangely, for an institution devoted to higher learning, UD seems unable to see the immediate problem with this rationale. In fact, I would almost have to assume that neither the Dean nor the Board of Regents actually read the curriculum plan, because this rationale is so fundamentally flawed that I simply can't see how either could have let it pass their desks. Student Affairs, by definition, is composed of non-academics and non-educators, i.e. Student Affairs is a Service Department composed of service orientated personnel. Student Affairs is not manned by professors. However, with the implementation of this curriculum (that 'out-of-class education' statement) the UD Student Affairs department has effectively self-promoted itself from student support to student education. In other words, they have decided, without academic accreditation, to make themselves into teachers. How exactly, does an accredited institution allow that to fly? This is absolutely no different than if the electricians and plumbers in the Maintenance Department suddenly decided to start teaching mandatory Political Science classes in the student lounges.

The rest of the introduction portion of the document goes on to lament that incoming freshman, while they may have had some diversity education in primary and secondary schools, simply do not have more than a 'surface-level understanding of power and privilege,' and that 'student affairs professionals find they must work to prompt discussion regarding true issues of power and introduce concepts on inequality to the diversity education framework.' Emphasis mine. Question here, who decides what the 'true issues of power' are exactly? Answer, apparently Student Affairs professionals, that's who. Next Question, and what exactly do Student Affairs professionals use to determine this fundamental truth? Answer, beats the hell out of me, since this issue has been debated endlessly without concrete or irrefutable conclusion by philosophers and sociologists since the dawn of time. Apparently, however, the Student Affairs professionals at UD have achieved a breakthrough in the understanding of social power structures that has eluded some of the greatest thinkers in history. Last Question: why is it necessary for Student Affairs to 'introduce concepts on inequality?' If you can force yourself to read the 'Reflection on First one on one' (yeah, I've got no idea what the hell that means either) starting on page 67 of the Curriculum Summary, you'll see that the Diversity Interviews are conducted exactly like fundamentalist Christian cult indoctrination. The interviewers attempt repeatedly to force the interviewee to confront their own (assumed) lack of diversity awareness. These interviews proceed directly from the quote at the top of this post, i.e. all white people are racists. Period. This is a given, and irrefutable. Any student who doesn't firmly believe this about themselves is mentally ill (don't take my word for it, go read the interviews for yourself, I'd be interested in what you think. Personally I find it revolting). Finally, the curriculum rational also states quite clearly and specifically that 'the current generation of students was raised to believe that they were "special" by Baby Boomer parents who were able to lavish them with attention and resources.' This, in a curriculum supposedly devoted to the principle of not stereotyping others? Is it just me who sees the hypocrisy here? And isn't raising a child to believe they aren't special, with anything less than total self-esteem, a form of child abuse according to the current thinking? Isn't that what all those "My Child is a Super Star at Shitforbrains Elementary" bumper stickers are all about? I'm not following the complaint here.

I could go on. I can't find a single paragraph is this curriculum that isn't rife with faulty logic, incorrect or unsubstantiated assumptions, or filled with just outright batshit lunacy. But I've got other things to do today so I'll just get right to the point, which is this - This 'curriculum' is nothing more than an insidious piece of racist garbage. Period. It is based entirely on the following single assumption which is stated clearly and unequivocally in the document: All White Americans of European descent are racist, no person of color can be a racist, period. This assumption is quite possibly the single most idiotic, illogical, and just plain hypocritical statement ever made by a mainstream institution, because it (follow me here) uses racism in an attempt to fight racism. UD says racists are racist based solely on their race, no other factor matters because if you are a member of a particular race, then you are de facto a member of the power elite, and thereby guilty.

Again, it would appear that UD has at least temporarily suspended this program, pending review. But don't think it's gone, and don't think it won't creep back into the program in a different guise. Fundamentalist Diversity is to extreme liberals what Creationism is to Fundamentalist Conservatives.

I don't know about you, but I damn sure ain't sending my kid to the University of Delaware. What a complete bunch of jerkoffs. Racist jerkoffs.

Update: Anybody from UD reading this? Please explain to me why this wasn't incorporated into the formal PoliSci, Philosophy, or Sociology curriculum. Taught by accredited professors in a lecture format, or classroom, instead of one-on-one and mandatory discussion groups in the dorms?

Fiery The Angels Rose

As I may have alluded to elsewhere, my intention is to become a full time writer (hey, Bob Heinlein got out of the Navy and was modestly successful, so there’s a precedent!).

I’ve written extensively for a number of professional publications, formal articles dealing with the application of technology in the Intelligence field. And I’ve written a large number of papers and publications dealing with my specialty, tactical and strategic Information Warfare. But I’ve always wanted to write fiction, specifically Science Fiction. And now that I’m retired I’ve got the time, and sufficient worldly experience, so it’s either start making a serious effort or go find a real job.

I’ve been working on a novel for a while now, and it’s roughly halfway finished. I am extremely happy with my work; it’s the kind of stuff I like to read, and the direction the novel has taken often surprises me, making the process an enjoyable voyage of discovery for me. The story is heavily peppered with cool technology, but is focused on how that technology affects the characters and shapes their individual stories. There are enough clues dropped along the way that an astute reader just might be able to figure out the ending, and still have a surprise or two along the way.

As you might expect, that particular work is near and dear to my heart. So when I embarked on the National Novel Writing Month project, I didn’t want to use this particular work. Instead I decided to start from scratch and use NaNoWriMo as an opportunity to do something else I’ve been thinking about. (I should mention that I didn't formally register as a NaNo participant, I meant to, but an apparent incidence of brain damage on my part precluded it. But I decided to proceed as if I was anyway).

Some of the classic stories I’ve enjoyed over the years were told first person, and in a format that made you believe that you were reading a diary or journal (The final section of H.G. Wells’ The War of the Worlds, for example). There is something inherently intimate in that format, as if the protagonist is speaking directly to you, the reader. You see events filtered through the writer’s eyes, through his perception and prejudices and maybe not how they really happened. And even though I rarely, if ever, use first person (other than, you know, here) I wanted to do something in this format. I’ve been playing with a story about war and disaster of biblical proportions, told by a character that lives through strange and sometimes incomprehensible events. Also I wanted to do something, that, while not completely throwaway, was not so important to me that I couldn’t just give it away. And finally, I wanted to update the diary story concept into a more modern format.

So here it is:

Meet VanDerDecken – former Soldier, former LAPD cop, ex-con, and blogger. His has both feet firmly planted on the bottom rung of society. He’s got a high school education, a year or two of college and a lifetime of rough experience from which to shape his worldview. Recently paroled into the near future (yep, that’s exactly what I meant to say), and trying to put his life back together. His world is an extrapolation of our own – and I doubt you’ll have any trouble spotting those extrapolations, some are bleeding obvious, but some are fairly subtle (though if you speak German you’ll be more likely to spot at least one straight away). You may think that VanDerDecken is trying just a little too hard to appear repentant, and you’d be right. You may also think that, despite his protestations, Van is suffering from a bit of self denial, and you'd be right about that too.

A couple of things:

1) I intend to play this straight. It’s a blog, from the future. Not everything will be explained, Van assumes that you've lived, and are living, through the same events he has, and is.

2) Blog Commenting is enabled. Comments are neither encouraged nor discouraged. Commenters may either ‘play along’ with the story, or not, as they please. VanDerDecken may respond to comments made ‘in character,’ or he may ignore you. We’ll see.

3) If this generates sufficient interest, I may, at some later date, roll it up with additional fix-up material and turn it into an actual novel. ‘In character’ comments may be included, or not, and I’ll deal with the legal aspects of that if and when this becomes something more than an experiment.

4) VanDerDecken’s email address on the blog is an actual email address; you may assume VanDerDecken is monitoring it.

5) The name of the blog, Deep Thunder, and its URL, are taken directly from William Blake’s poem America A Prophecy, one of my very favorite things, ever. There is a link to the poem’s text on the Deep Thunder homepage. And if you haven’t read it, you really should (and if you’re a Bladerunner fan, you'll recognize this poem as the source of Roy Batty’s famous misquote, “Fiery, the Angels Fell…”) You may also consider this poem something of an outline for events to come. (and yes, before somebody points it out, I know that the URL is misspelled – that was done on purpose for reasons that may be explained later, for now you may assume that Van is dyslexic).

6) Van’s ‘voice’ sounds remarkably similar to my ‘voice’ here at Stonekettle Station, from this you might infer that I am Van. You’d be wrong. Van and I just happen to sound the same, because Van likes my blog, eventually he’ll find his own voice.

7) Feel free to link, or forward links, or ignore this whole damned thing, as you will. However, I’d prefer that if people are coming to Deep Thunder other than through Stonekettle Station, that they not have knowledge of the link between the two. Savvy?

8) Note the dates on each post, they’re important in the context of the story, some are extremely significant – but I’ll leave it up to you to figure out why.

9) and finally, Van’s a busy guy, posting may be sporadic and come in batches. This is only the first couple thousand words or so, Van has a lot more written and he'll put it up as soon as he gets done washing the dishes and cleaning the cooler. Van also expects to be posting long after NaNoWriMo ends.

10) Thanks to Janiece Murphy for her advice.

Deep Thunder.

Please Stand By

We're experiencing technical difficulties, here at Stonekettle Station.

My cable connection is seriously spotty today. So, don't be surprised if I disappear or don't respond for a while. It's OK, Blackwater hasn't busted down my door, yet.

Corporate Dúnedain of the Week

In yesterday's post I said that I was ambivalent about Veteran's Day - mostly because I despise the hypocrisy of politicians [and corporations] who use the day to make empty promises to vets. However, I failed to mention that there are those who do literally 'put their money where their mouth is' when it comes to veterans.

... all 485 Golden Corral restaurants across America will offer any person who has served in the United States Military (including National Guard and Reserves) a free dinner buffet and beverage – no identification required and no questions asked.

I'm not much of a buffet fan (Jimmy Buffett, yeah BIG ugly parrot-headed fan - 'All You Can Eat Buffet', not so much), but these people rock. Seriously. This was 7th year that the Golden Corral has offered free meals to veterans, in partnership with the Disabled American Veterans organization. This is more than a token gesture, Golden Corral has served over 1.5 million meals to vets over the last seven years. That's pretty dammed outstanding.

Veterans Day

Well, another Veteran's Day has come and gone. As a vet myself, I'm a bit ambivalently about this holiday, to tell you the honest truth.

On one hand, it's dammed nice to be remembered; on the other hand, well, it sure would be nice to be remembered the other 364 days out of the year.

Oh, don't get me wrong here, I'm not an ungrateful bastard, really I'm not. And I'm not saying that the average American doesn't at least think of those who have served, or are serving, once in a while. But, truthfully, the average American is pretty well insulated from the current conflict. Oh sure, if you watch the news or read the paper you can't miss the daily body counts, or the latest spectacular cell phone video of an IED taking out a Hummer, or the heartwarming reunion, or the determined amputee learning to walk again - but it's hardly the top story of the news hour, or rarely above the fold. You might catch the latest edgy show like "Band of Bloggers," which the History Channel is using to boost it's ratings. You might see the occasional peace protest, but even those are halfhearted these days. There just doesn't seem to be much passion in America regarding this conflict, one way or the other. On average, to me, people seem resigned, resigned to this war, and resigned to wait until January 2009. Maybe this is because there also doesn't seem to be much in the way of sacrifice demanded of the average American. There are no war bonds, no scrap metal drives, no rationing, no recruiting posters (Uncle Sam needs you!), no draft, no Rosy the Riveter. Oh sure, gas prices are higher. And those yellow-ribbon magnets are everywhere, which frankly I don't get at all. The original song by Tony Orlando, Tie A Yellow Ribbon Around The Old Oak Tree, was about a guy getting out of prison, not coming home from war. And even if we allow that the yellow ribbon means something else now, Americans can't even muster up enough passion to tie their own bows and instead it's just easier to buy the Chinese-made magnetic facsimile. And even that minor effort is becoming diluted as other groups jump on the magnetic bandwagon, I've seen pink ones for breast cancer awareness, and blue ones for animals rights, and a rainbow one for gay pride.

Frankly, this war is just too dammed easy. That's right, easy. Easy to forget, easy to ignore.

And Veterans Day makes it a little easier. Yesterday, it was easy for our leaders to attend solemn ceremonies. It was easy for the President to lay a wreath on on the Tomb of the Unknowns and talk about brave sacrifice. Yesterday, it was easy for politicians to get their faces on TV, while making speeches about honor, duty, and selfless dedication - and then afterward attend a barbecue or potluck at the local VFW in order to score a few more points. It was easy for the average American to sit on the sidewalk yesterday and cheer the Veterans Day Parade and wave those little flags and drink beer from plastic cups and feel like they'd done their duty.

But what happens today?

Today, those politicians are right back to squabbling and arguing and doing nothing to improve Veteran's health care, or to adequately fund the VA, or to get homeless vets off the street. Today Congress will go back to fact finding, and their bickering committees, and their endless rhetoric, and their failure to hold this administration accountable - and the war will still go on. Today Senators and Representatives will conveniently forget the promises they made yesterday, and today troops will still not have the funding or the equipment that they need. Today the VA waiting rooms will be clogged with veterans, waiting for care. Today hundreds of us will still be waiting for our compensation and pension claims to process, and we'll probably be waiting tomorrow too. Today the rats will still scamper through the walls at Walter Reed and the paint will still be peeling (and ask yourself a question, if the conditions at Walter Reed, the Army's premier medical facility, are substandard - just what exactly are the conditions like in other, smaller, more obscure medical facilities today? The ones that Senators don't go to for free health care?). Today many of those little flags that people waved yesterday will end up in dumpsters or under cars seats, forgotten.

As I said above, I'm ambivalent about Veterans Day. I think it's a good thing that we stop once in while and remember those who fought for our freedoms, I do. I'm grateful to those who express their sincere thanks for my service, I truly am. But I also see it as a way for the average American to escape from thinking about the realities of war for the rest of the year - but maybe, just maybe, that's a good thing. After all, most of us served so that Americans could go on about their lives. Maybe the best way to honor veterans is for Americans to live their lives without having to think about war, maybe that's why I did it. I really don't know.

But, I do know this, I have nothing but contempt for those politicians who use Veterans Day to grandstand and further their own images and make empty promises to both veterans and the American people. If those who made the speeches yesterday truly want to thank veterans for their service and sacrifice - they'll live up to those promises today.

Arachnophobia

The subject of camel spiders came up the other in a conversation I was having with a friend. I mentioned that they have 'bodies the size of a peach.' Needless to say, my friend though I was exaggerating just a tad.

You decide, frankly I think I may be under-estimating their size.




Actually, this is two spiders, if you look at the middle of the photo you can see where the two of them are locked together.

Frankly, even though I have no fear of bugs or snakes or other creepy crawlers, these things weird me out beyond all reason. They really aren't dangerous, just freaky as all hell - bugs should not be that dammed big.

Other things you can do on the lathe

I don't always make bowls on the lathe, sometimes I do other things.

This is an Ulu Cutting board, and by implication those odd looking knives you see are Ulus. An Ulu is the general purpose cutting tool made by native Alaskan Inuit women, used for everything from cutting meat and vegetables to skinning bears - though traditionally they were made from Caribou antler or other hard bone and not high-carbon steel. If you want to know more, go here.

The Ulus you see in the pictures were made at the Ulu Factory in downtown Anchorage and they are incredibly sharp. It takes practice to use one safely, and even though I once attended culinary school and have been an expert with a French knife for most of my life, I'm not very good with an Ulu - in fact, I dammed near cut my thumb off with that ivory handled one you see in the picture. Most non-native peoples use them for chopping vegetables to a fine dice, and for that you really should have an Ulu board. This is my own design, most Ulu bowls are just a flat board with a concave depression in the middle.


Like nearly all of my stuff, the cutting board is made from Alaskan Birch, turned on the lathe. The cutting surface is concave at a slightly shallower angle than the curve of the Ulu blade, which allows you to rock the knife back and forth, dicing whatever is in the bowl to a fine puree. Perfect for garlic or parsley. The board is finished with olive oil (didn't have any clarified walrus fat or bear grease handy), it's also heavy and has a cork pad on the bottom to keep it from sliding around on the counter top - because otherwise you could, you know, cut your thumb off.

Do they have 'em in English?

A note on my Ideals

Look, stop emailing me about the torture thing already, will you please? I don't respond to hate mail. I also don't respond to kiss-ass flattery. And I especially don't respond to illiterate ranting.

If you've got something constructive to say to me, say it here in the comments section. If you don't have a Blogspot Id, use the 'Anonymous' posting function and sign your name to the bottom of the comment (or not, your choice, I don't care). If you don't have the guts to post your comments in public and risk getting slapped upside the head by the regulars around here, that's your problem. Also I don't care if you did outrank me when you were on active duty, I'm a civilian now and I'll say what I goddammed well please, Commander.

As I said in yesterday's post, I can be persuaded to change my stand, but you'd better have a dammed strong argument, backed up with verifiable fact - anecdotal 'evidence,' hearsay, strawmen, and rumsfeldian scare tactics don't work on me. I've been there, I've met the bogymen you're telling me about, I didn't form my opinion of these people by watching episodes of '24' so save your bullshit. I know better.

Either put your money where your mouth is, or shut the fuck up.

Don't assume that you know me, really

Over on the Small Wars Journal, in the comment thread under Malcolm Nance’s post, and in several dozen vitriolic emails I received this morning, I was accused of being (gasp!) a Liberal and an Idealist (I was also accused of being a ‘fag’, not really sure where that came from, it wasn’t exactly a literate message, though the author did know how to spell the f-word). This happens to me on a fairly regular basis. Oh the horror, the shame of it all.

Bah.

Well for the record, I am not a liberal, big “L” or otherwise. I am also not a conservative, Neo or otherwise. I am also not a Green, a Libertarian, or a member of the Ayn Rand Fan Club (I am also not gay, but I honestly don’t give a flying fig if you think so, you illiterate asshat). My politics can best be summed up here. Frankly, even if there was a “Pull Your Head Out Of Your Ass and Show Some Common Sense Party” I probably wouldn’t join that either. My voter registration card says “Undeclared” so that makes it official. If you want my vote – well, pull your head out of your ass, don’t bullshit me, and show me the common sense. Frankly I don’t care what your party is. I don’t vote for political parties, I vote for a person and if you want that to be you – well, impress me.

However, I will admit to being an Idealist, with a capital “I.” It amuses me, when people accuse me of being an idealist - as if idealism was somehow a bad thing in and of itself. As if this country wasn’t founded by idealists. As if the Constitution wasn’t written by idealists. As if all of the men and women we admire throughout history weren’t, you know, idealists. Frankly I’d much rather associate with people who at least have some ideals that they’re passionate about, rather than some empty headed twit with no opinion and no ability to form an opinion like, well, sheep.

Now, don’t get me wrong here. Idealists can be a major pain in the ass too, especially when their idealism is founded on some kind of demonstratably false information or just plain loony reasoning. I find these people especially dangerous and irritating, especially when they justify their beliefs with a web of continually shifting rationalizations and fanatical foregone conviction, instead of looking at the data and then drawing logical conclusions on which to base their idealism. I find nothing admirable about these people and I try to stay as far from them as possible. If you need an example: Young Earth Creationists.

Anyway, yes, I am an idealist. But I like to think that I’ve at least thought about my ideals. And that my ideals are mine, not something ironed on by my folks, or some church, or derived from the mob, or dictated by the media or popular hysteria or the administration. And even though I’m a dammed stubborn guy, and I am dammed passionate about my ideals, I will change my position if it can be reasonably demonstrated that it is wrong by competent authority, based on verifiable proof and not anecdotal ‘evidence.’

What prompted this accusation was my position on torture. I am against it. Period. In any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, no matter how pure the motive. I do not want to live in a nation that tortures people - no matter how big of evil asshole they are. And I guess that makes me a liberal. However I have no problem taking that same asshole outside after his trial, putting him against the wall, and popping a cap in his ass. And I guess that makes me a conservative. I have no problem terminating with extreme prejudice any asshole who comes on my property and attempts to do me or mine harm, I own weapons and I dammed well know how to use them. And I guess that make me a libertarian. I don’t use lead ammo for environmental reasons, so in a way I guess that makes me a Green. I don’t buy into the whole “they use torture on our guys, so it’s ok to use torture on them” argument. Substitute the word ‘rape’ for ‘torture’ in that last sentence and see if it’s still acceptable to you. So I guess I’m a bit of a Rationalist as well.

With all that said, here’s why I am against torture. This was part of the comment I posted at SWJ (slightly cleaned up):

-------------------

Mr. Evans, you are correct in your first assumption regarding my past, I was involved in operations that resulted in the deaths of human beings. I am proud of my actions and those of my team during such operations. However, you are incorrect in your implied assumption that I now second guess, or am opposed to, such actions because I witnessed death and destruction and, in fact, was responsible for some of it. I retired from active duty not because I became morally opposed to war, and its associated killing of human beings, but because I am no longer physically capable of performing the duties required to lead from the front, and my continued service might have put my own team at risk. The honorable course of action was to retire [and make way for somebody more capable]. However, if I were still capable, I would cheerfully return to combat duty, and I feel guilty that I'm home safe with my family when many of my men are not.

You asked specifically why I find killing (in combat) acceptable, but not waterboarding (and you may correctly assume that I am opposed to torture in any form), since the (assumed) objective of torture is not to kill. The answer is simple, and black and white. Killing in combat, when facing an armed and capable enemy, is a necessary evil. Your own life and the lives of your teammates are at risk. Force is applied until the enemy is no longer a threat - or you die. This is the nature of conflict, it is horrifying and brutal and nothing at all like the movies portray it to be (though Band of Brothers comes close). However, there comes a time when it is necessary to take life in order to preserve the greater good.

However, once the enemy becomes a prisoner and no longer has a means to resist, you become solely responsible for his or her life, well being, and treatment, both by our own code of conduct and by international agreement. This may be more difficult than actual combat; it is extremely difficult in some cases to treat a man, who has just tried to kill you, humanly. However, if you are unwilling or incapable, if you lack the moral courage, of accepting this responsibility, then you have no business leading the men and women of the US Armed Forces. I am opposed to torture for four main reasons:

1) The prisoner is no longer a threat. Yes, he remains a potential threat, which requires vigilance, control, and restraint. He is not entitled to anything other than the basic necessities of life, i.e. food, water, medical care, shelter, and protection from further harm. If you are unwilling or unable to provide such, don't take prisoners (and you may interpret that last however you like).

2) There are many means available to obtain information from the prisoner other than torture. I was an intelligence officer, I speak from experience. We have compromised our own honor by becoming torturers and what has it availed us? Name one major success derived strictly from information obtained via water-boarding. This conflict was supposed to have been about 911. And yet those responsible for financing and planning the attacks are still free and remain a significant threat. Water-boarding and torture have achieved us nothing, except the disgust and revulsion of free nations the world over.

3) It is hypocritical, dishonorable and contrary to the ideals of the Constitution, military regulation, the UCMJ, and international agreement. [Torture is also categorically contrary to the ideals of Christianity, which the majority of Americans, especially conservative Americans, claim to be. I find this a particularly curious and disgusting hypocrisy] Our government spent considerable time, effort, and money telling the world what a brutal, mass-killing, torturing tyrant Saddam was, and why his treatment of his own citizens and enemies justified our invasion even though the original bogyman of WMDs was found to be false. If torture is morally repugnant when our enemies do it, it is the height of hypocrisy for us to resort to the same methods. By resorting to torture, we have given legitimacy to every tyrant throughout history. By this faulty logic, Saddam was perfectly justified in his use of brutal torture against the Kurds, for example, in order to preserve national security within Iraq. Sounds pretty dammed repulsive when held up to the light of day, doesn't it?

4) Finally and most importantly, performing torture - no matter what euphemism you use or justification you use to rationalize it - makes you a torturer. Period. And it makes America a nation that tortures human beings. Period. You can not escape this truth, it is black or white. We are either are a people who torture others, or we are not, there is no middle ground.

Now is the time to choose. Now is the time to determine what legacy we will bequeath our children, and whether our children will see us as free men and women who upheld justice and took the high road, or whether we are little better than Saddam Hussein himself. You must choose what kind of America you wish to live in. Refusing or failing to decide is a decision in itself. Americans are responsible for their government's actions. Decide. Act. Tomorrow, Malcolm Nance will testify before Congress. He's made his decision, as have I. Now it's your turn. Take a stand.

------------

One final note on this very long post: I find it odd that when the Soldiers at Abu Ghraib used fire hoses and meat pyramids to humiliate and mock their prisoners and used electric shock and snarling dogs to instill utter fear and despair in those same prisoners, it was considered, by Liberals and Conservatives alike, a war crime and a criminal violation of human dignity and rights – and we sent those Soldiers to prison for their actions. Yet when water-boarding is used to humiliate and instill utter fear and despair in a prisoner, many conservatives and even some liberals see nothing wrong with it. I find this strange and disturbing, and I think that it is time for those people to sit down and examine their own idealism.

One of THOSE days

I feel like crap this morning.

I think I caught a bug from Shawn Powers' site a couple of days ago. Damn you, Shawn, or should that be "Typhoid Mary?"

And just to make it better, I've got to go outside and plow now, since we got about 6 inches last night (of snow, 6 inches of snow! Minds out of the gutter, people). Anyway, don't expect anything too clever or witty today.

Tvashtar

I was helping my son with his science homework this evening.

Using the internet, he was supposed to look up an active volcano and write down the information he found. The only provision is that the volcano must be outside the United States.

We found one.

That's got to be worth an "A." Got to be.

Malcolm Nance - Dúnedain of the week

Having considered Janiece's suggestion in yesterday's comment thread and found it good, and as an acknowledgment of the fact that I've gotten a bit, uh, shrill and negative with the posting lately, today let's make a change of rudder.

First, the Comment Title, to wit: Dúnedain. For those of you not up on your Tolkien go here, but basically for the purposes of Stonekettle Station I'll define Dúnedain as : one of the good guys.

So today's Dúnedain is Malcolm Nance, former US Navy Senior Chief Petty Officer, and currently one of the nation's foremost experts on insurgency tactics.

For the last week, Mr. Nance has been at the center of a national froofruah, because in Conservative Republican circles he has 'further embarrassed the President' with an article he wrote for Small Wars Journal, where he is a regular blogger and contributor. In the post Nance, as one of the nation's foremost subject matter experts, stated clearly and without equivocation that water-boarding is torture, period. Nance's position on this subject, and his credentials, have catapulted him into the middle of the bitter Attorney General confirmation hearings, and by extension the larger debate on the Bush Administration's position on the use of torture.

There are many, including myself, who admire Nance for setting the record straight as to the particulars of water-boarding. However, there are many, many more who have vocally attacked him for going public. He's a pretty salty guy, Malcolm is, and comments from the general rabble don't faze him much, but it's a dammed hard thing when your former comrades in arms (who should know better) are part of the mob.

I happen to know Malcolm Nance, not well, but we've met, and he emailed me this morning regarding comments I made here. I owe Malcolm a debt of personal gratitude. He and I were stationed together many, many years ago in Europe. We didn't know each other well, just two guys in the same very large division, he was a linguist and I was technical cryptologist and we never worked or deployed together, but we saw each other around, you know how it is. Twenty years later though, Malcolm and his team spent a very tough couple of weeks onboard USS Valley Forge providing training in counter-terrorism and force protection. I was one of Forge's force protection officers, responsible for directing the ship's security and combat teams while in hostile waters, and we were within a month of deploying into harm's way. The training provided by Malcolm and his team was tough and exhausting and rigorous. And it was something new, at that time few other Naval units had the benefit of this experience. Because of what we learned, Valley Forge's forces were completely reorganized into an extremely effective and successful weapon. That training directly contributed to our success in the combat zone and helped bring every one of our people home alive. After that deployment, and the next one, and until the day two years later when Valley Forge was decommissioned, our prowess at force protection was legendary on the San Diego waterfront, and other ships sent their people to us to be trained.

The actions of Malcolm Nance and his people have saved the lives of countless Americans. He has taken a stand fore square against the administration's disingenuous nonsense and rubbed America's nose in it. And Americans are pissed about it, and they should be, but not at Malcolm - rather they should be pissed at the comforting lies they've been mislead into believing and most especially at those telling the comforting lies.

So, here's to you Malcolm. As I said in the forum at SWJ: Senior Chief, one initiated Chief to another, well said. Keep saying it.

___________________________________

Update: More detailed thoughts on my position regarding torture here.

Jerkoff of the Week

You've got to love the logic behind this.

Two prominent supporters of Illinois Sen. Barack Obama's presidential campaign in South Carolina called state Democratic Party officials and urged them to keep funnyman Stephen Colbert's name off the primary ballot, according to party officials and Obama supporters

Apparently South Carolina Democrats were afraid, afraid dammit, that Colbert would take away votes from their little darling, Barrack Obama. And, of course, the potential threat of losing votes for your candidate is legal grounds for keeping the other guy out of the race. But, isn't that the American way?

When the American auto industry was circling the drain in the 70's due to Japanese imports, the attempted response was to try and eliminate the competition by banning imports, rather than, you know, actually building better cars for less money. Because apparently it was just too dammed hard to actually compete on our own home turf. History has shown that Detroit's strategy didn't exactly inspire confidence in their products and here we are thirty years later, and Japanese and European imports are still a better product for less money with much better reliability, service, warranties, and options. Great plan, guys, really super job.

With Detroit to inspire them, Barack's campaign supporters have apparently adopted the same strategy, only they've been a bit more successful - so far. They've got a glossy product, that's for sure. But I'm guessing that Barack's own people think he's more show than place in this race. Barack's own people, his most fanatical supporters, don't think he can win the South Carolina primaries in a fair fight. In fact, the actions by Obama supporters seem to indicate that they think he can't even beat a Comedy Channel comedian in a fair fight.

"I placed the calls as a concerned Democrat, realizing that we are a country in despair," [Bakari] Sellers [Rep, D-SC] told CNN. "It is not a time for games or to make a mockery of the process."

Oh, I completely disagree, Representative Sellers. When the country is in despair, it is precisely the time for games and mockery. I could use a laugh about now. I mean, come on, aren't you the same bunch of people who kept electing Strom 'I likes me the dark meat' Thurmond over and over? Games and mockery of the political process are a tradition in South Carolina.

Seriously, Representative Sellers, you honestly don't think your candidate can beat Colbert? You are actually afraid that Stephen Colbert, the 'truthiness' guy, will actually take enough actual votes away from Obama on his own home ground? Seriously? And so you justified keeping Colbert off the ballot, because he isn't a viable national candidate? Damn, Dude, if Obama can't beat Colbert on his own home turf, he isn't a viable national candidate either. Maybe you should get your own show on Comedy Central, I mean with a great comedic name like Sellers, how could you lose?

Seriously, in complete truthiness, Sellers, you are indeed a total jerkoff.

Things, they are going to change, part 5

As you know, I haven't quite decided what to do with myself now that I've retired from the Navy. With my personality type and weird useless skill set, I'm really only qualified for two jobs: writer or Ultimate Emperor of the Universe. I'm leaning towards Emperor since conquest of the universe is much easier to break into and requires a lot less effort on my part. Also I have to admit that the absolute corruption of absolute power holds a certain attraction.

As such, it is important that people understand what they're getting in their future despotic ruler, namely me. It's important that you understand what aggravates me, otherwise I've got to go through whole process of exiling people to remote and unpleasant corners of the universe every time that they piss me off - which is just more work for me. I've already got a long, long list of people who are going to be spending a dark cold winter at hard labor in the Phledbotinum mines of Pluto, i.e. people who drive too slow in the fast lane, astronomers who think Pluto is not a real planet, every single member of the WalMart Board of Directors along with that irritating bitch who keeps calling for Bob in Sporting Goods over the WalMart store-wide announcing system, Neocon Republicans, Young Earth Creationists, and everybody involved in the cancellation of Firefly.

So, let me add one more thing to the list, namely Christmas.

What is it, the 5th of November? That's like, what, three, maybe four, hundred days until Christmas? (That's in man shopping days, which as you know is different from actual physical calender days. Just go with me on this one) Already I'm seeing Xmas advertising (that's right, I said Xmas, blow it out your ass Bill Donohue, you sanctimonious jowl farm. One peep out of you and you'll be playing prison shower leapfrog on Pluto, bitch).

I don't hate Xmas, really I don't. I like presents, both the getting and the giving, and I really like Christmas cookies and massively overdone power-sucking front yard light displays. I like getting woken up early by my son on Xmas morning, who's all excited and trying not to show it. But, I just utterly goddammed hate Xmas advertising. I hate it. And I just plain detest certain Christmas carols, especially that Little Drummer Boy song (especially the excretable Joan Jett version), I'd like to stuff that drummer kid (and Joan Jett) into his big round percussion instrument and roll it into last minute LA Christmas traffic. However, if there is any Xmas song I find more annoying than Joan Jett's two-pack a day and prison-wine voice, it's that stinking Carol of the Bells piece of shit. Every single time I hear that song it's like listening to a George W Bush speech on human rights, full of halting sentence structures and mispronounced words in that ignorant ten-gallon hat and giant garbage-can lid belt buckle drawl, and I have the nearly overwhelming urge to douse a church choir in gasoline and light them on fire.

So, at the very top of the distressingly long list of things that irritate me are Christmas commercials that incorporate either of those two songs. Once I've assumed an Imperial stranglehold on absolute power, every advertising executive who produces a TV commercial that uses either of those annoyingly idiotic carols will be sent to Pluto. Their sentence will be determined as follows, five years for every time the commercial is played during prime time (prime time determined as the time I am watching TV or even thinking about watching TV). I will also be issuing an Imperial order making it illegal to begin Xmas advertising more than two calender weeks prior to December 25th, period, no exceptions. Additionally, Christmas advertising will be banned completely from children's programming.

Really, enough already. Stop it, and stop it right now. Or else. You've been warned.

Update: Oh yeah, one more thing, Dogs Barking Jingle Bells - that'll earn you a life sentence on Pluto, so don't even think about it.

Things, they are gonna change, Part 4
Things, they are gonna change, Part 3
Things, they are gonna change, Part 2
Things, they are gonna change, Part 1

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Over

This is one of most bizarre web things I've ever seen.


Bizarre, disturbing, and strangely addictive.

You can click and drag George if he gets stuck. You can also shake him like a rag doll. Very, very satisfying.

Attention Wasilla, Alaska Walmart Shoppers

Update: Attention those of you surfing in from various places, especially those you from the AOL Parenting Forum:

The following is intended as humor, nothing more.

I'm am neither bitter or filled with "Seething Hate," and who I vote for in the upcoming election is my business - and not something you should try to figure out from this post.

Bottom line, folks, it's just a joking look at Wal-Mart. Please take it that way.

If you really want to know what I think about politics, Palin, and the elections - go to the main page and read down through the last two week's posts, you might be surprised, or not, but please don't decide that you've got me all figured out from one silly post about Wal-Mart. - Jim

_______________________________

Yes, the newly remodeled 'Super' Walmart is now open.

Big Fat Hairy Deal.

Look, 'Super' or not, it's just a Walmart. That's it. It's not anything special. It's not Disneyland, or the Taj Mahal, or one of the Seven Wonders. Repeat: It's not anything special or super or amazing. It's just a big-ass building filled with the same old poor-quality, Chinese-made crap - only more so.

You live in Alaska - Alaska is Special, it's Super, it's Amazing. Go the hell outside if you want to be impressed.

Walmart? Walmart, 'super' or not, is just the same old same old. The 'super' bathrooms are still filthy. The 'super' isles are still so packed with pallets of cheap plastic, lead painted crap that you have to be a circus contortionist to get through them (in utter disregard for fire safety laws, better hope you never have to evacuate that 'super' building in a hurry). The 'super' employees are still minimum-waged mouth-breathers, that either spend the day out back smoking or roaming the isles in packs loudly discussing how stupid management is. The 'super' stupid management still wanders the store with their radios turned up so loud that the acoustic energy could induce uranium fission. The 'super' loud announcements from the 'super' front desk never end, and are done by a woman picked especially for her shrill, 'super' annoying voice (and by the way, Bob in Sporting Goods is out back having a smoke, he's not going to pick up the phone, stop calling for him). The 'super' parking lot is still a disaster area obviously designed by some engineer who has never actually driven a car, ever, and in fact may not even know what a car looks like. At least half of the 'super' merchandise isn't in the 'super' database, and has to be looked up manually by the 'super' cashiers, which is incomprehensible considering the number of 'super' shelf stockers blocking the isle with their overloaded carts and wireless inventory control widgets.

Then there's you, the 'super' customer. Do the rest of us a big favor, would you Country Mouse? Get over it. It's just another goddammed Walmart. A couple words of advice. First, I know you're excited and you just can't wait to go blow your entire Alaskan PFD in this Temple of the Modern Age, but for your own sake put on some actual pants before leaving the house. I do not want to see your fat ass packed into a pair of food-stained sweats, or your junk peeking out of that little opening in the front of those pajama bottoms decorated in hot peppers. Seriously, I'm going to start shooting if you people don't put on some fucking pants. Second, it's not Disney Land, there's no need to bring all fifteen of your filthy snot encrusted offspring with you. And if you must bring your curtain climbers, then keep them on a leash, since you obviously can't be bothered to teach them basic manners and controlled behavior. Oh, and bring a bottle for that screaming crib ape you're ignoring, or else I'm going to stuff a rag in it's mouth while you're three isles away pawing through the bargain DVD bin like a bear in the middle of a salmon run. Third, it's not the church social. If you see people you know, wave and keep on moving. Don't stop in the isle with your three carts and fifteen kids and their three carts and their fifteen kids, and starting gushing on about 'isn't the new super-dooper double plus extra good Walmart just amazing and nifty keeno.' Get out of the way. I cannot emphasize this enough. I am an angry, short tempered, impatient man who is pathologically incapable of suffering fools gladly. Get your pajama-clad cottage-cheese ass out of my way, or I will weed you out of the gene pool - I can probably claim Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and get away with it too, so, seriously, you've been warned. And lastly, eat something before you come. I swear to all that is holy, if I have to dodge one more of you cousin-humping, six-toed, cross-eyed retards choking down a McDonald's' extra-super-double-double-sized happy meal, or loudly slurping a triple-shot-half-skim-double-decaf-mocha-lattachino, I am going to unleash the fist of death.

Get your shit, pay the lady, get out. It is that simple, really. And put on some pants.

Because Everybody Else is Doing It

Because, everybody, they're doing it.


As you can tell, I'm writing today. This is how I write, by doing everything else. My den is off the sunroom. I kept hearing strange noises, when I went to investigate, I found the The Fat One had managed to jump from the writing desk up onto the sunroom balcony.

Bad Cat, Bad!

The Latest

Just so you don't think that every post on Stonekettle Station is GWB bashing, here's my latest work.

This is 2007#22, it is turned from an off-center cut birch blank. By off-center, I mean that the blank was cut off-center in the original log, leaving a blank that was about 2/3 heartwood and 1/3 sapwood - in the first picture the heartwood is the darker curly grained wood on the left side of the bowl. The clearer, lighter wood on the right is the sapwood. I think this makes an interesting contrast.



The bowl is turned with thicker than usual walls, about 3/8". Then the outside is relief textured by hand, to emphasis the heartwood grain patterns. Which you can see better in the following picture.



And just for the record, I bet Bush couldn't do this, Jimmy Carter could have though. Just another republican failing (Sorry, I just couldn't help it bawhahahaha!).

Like me, only more so

I happened to stumble across the Lawyers, Guns, and Money blog. I like these guys, and not just because they named their blog after my favorite Warren Zevon song (well, second favorite after Gorilla, you're a desperado). Maybe you will like them too. Check it out.

What in the hell did I do with it?

You know you're getting older when you misplace expensive software.

I still can't find the double dammed Corel Paintshop CD. I have no idea what I did with it. This is seriously starting to harsh my mellow.

Update: I just realized that you also know you're getting older when you use phrases like "harsh my mellow." Sigh

The Dance Band on the Titanic

And the rats continue to climb down the mooring lines and scamper away from the foundering SS Bush.

Karen Hughes, one the last of the president's Texas inner circle, is leaving her State Department post, in which she struggled trying to boost America's image overseas.

Trying to boost America's image overseas, specifically in the Middle East? Oh, yeah, sign me up for that job. Talk about your proverbial lost causes, somebody must have slipped Hughes a cup of the Halliburton Cool-Aid a while back. Looks like it's wearing off.

Once seen by Bush as the way to spread "the universal principle of human liberty," the outreach campaign quickly began to founder in a rising anti-American tide. A key 2007 survey showed a continued decline in U.S. standing among other countries.

Hughes was charged with spreading Bush's message of "the universal principle of human liberty?" Um, OK [insert dubious expression here]. How exactly does that work? "Well see here, Mohummed, the US Government policies of Rendition and Torture are about Liberty! The more of you towelheads we water-board at Gitmo, the more freedom you get! It's a win/win. What?"

"I feel that I have done what Secretary Rice and President Bush have asked of me by transforming public diplomacy and making it a national security issue," [Hughes] said.

Making diplomacy a national security issue. Exactly, because, you know, what isn't a matter of national security these days?

Let me put on my old Intelligence Analyst hat here (that's the one with the flashing light on top, and the twin beer holders on either side). How? How do we improve America's image overseas? And while we're at it, on this side of the sea as well? Well, here's how I see it:

Number 1: Establish some basic goals, i.e. a Mission Statement for you TQL types. Remember what this whole mess was supposed to be about, i.e. 911, and to a lesser extent the years of terrorist attacks on US interests that preceded that event. This 'War on Terrorism' is supposed to be about hunting down and destroying the entities responsible for those attacks, and to reduce the likelihood of such attacks in the future.

Number 2: Admit we screwed the pooch. The first step is admitting you have a problem, any alcoholic can tell you that; if I remember correctly GWB has had drug/alcohol counseling - he should be familiar with this step. We have a problem, we attacked the wrong people, for the wrong reasons, and it just keeps getting worse. On September 12th, 2001, the entire world was with us, including many Muslim nations, who were appalled by the 911 attacks (I was in the Middle East. Believe me, many Arabs were appalled - and deeply afraid we would blame them). We were filled with righteous anger. We prepared for war. GWB told us Saddam Hussein was responsible, fine and dandy, let's go kill the bastard. Except that a number of people weren't convinced, say like France, like Germany. Despise the French or not, France is America's oldest friend. If not for the French blockade of the British Fleet during the Revolutionary War, the United States might not exist. And it was a German (Prussian/Austrian actually), who at Valley Forge, taught George Washington's ragged and weary Continental Army how to fight. And like old friends, both countries (and many others, both old friends and new) counseled America to calm down, breath deep, think clearly in those grim days after 911. Of course we didn't listen, and now six years later we are too embarrassed to admit to our friends that we should have listened. That, in our rage, we made a mistake. We're off target and out of bounds. We have lost sight of our true goals. We have lost friends. And we have lost the support of the world. Those that masterminded 911 and many of the previous attacks are still free and untouched. And nobody, at home or abroad, thinks that this war is about 911 - not any more.

Number 3: Apologize. The President of the United States must stand up and apologize to the American people for this debacle, for the lies, the deceit, the arrogance, for poor leadership, for utter lack of vision, and for turning 'Patriotism' into a curse. The President should apologize to the rest of the world for not listening when he should have, for making decisions in rage and fear. And he should apologize to the Iraqi people. That's right, apologize to the Iraqi people.
Don't get me wrong, I fought in Iraq, and I was proud to do so. Because I thought I was doing the right thing - just as hundreds of thousands of those in uniform, both American and otherwise, thought they were doing the right thing. But we were not. And the man who sent us needs to apologize for his failed judgment and for betraying our trust. Then, if he has any shred of honor at all, he should accept responsibility for his actions and resign. And take his Vice President and cabinet with him.

Number 4: Renounce torture, forcefully and with sincerity. Renounce unconstitutional policies, forcefully and with demonstrated sincerity. The President (or new President as the case may be) needs to issue an Executive Order immediately suspending torture, rendition, extraordinary means, and any other euphemism for the violation of human rights. Congress needs to follow that up with an ironclad law. American will not now, or ever, tolerate or allow to exist denial of fundamental human rights within her borders or elsewhere within her interests. Period, no exceptions. International human rights organizations will be given full access to detention facilities and America will treat all prisoners strictly in accordance with the provisions of the Geneva Conventions, again period, no exceptions. America is a nation of constitutional law, any and all violations of those principles will be terminated immediately, including warrantless wiretapping, warrantless searches of property and persons, secret lists of America citizens to which those suspected have no appeal, and any other policy that violates the founding principles of the US Constitution.

Number 5: Make it right. Dump the stupid platitudes and catch phrases, i.e. "We'll stand down when they stand up." Platitudes mean exactly jack shit. Actions speak much louder than words, especially to Arabs. Start by terminating the contracts of every 'security firm' currently under employment in Iraq and Afghanistan. Hold those mercenaries responsible for their actions, turning them over to Iraq or Afghan courts if necessary. Their actions have resulted in the deaths of children and innocents, and the destruction of millions in property - they must be held accountable. Replace mercenaries with American troops under strict discipline (or coalition forces if possible). Troops must be under the control of their officers at all times, and those officers will be held accountable for their troops' actions in accordance with the UCMJ. No CIA, NSA, FBI or other intelligence organization, agent, or officer will ever have control of US Military Forces, for any reason. Take the billions recouped from the terminated mercenary contracts and plow it into schools, hospitals, power plants, infrastructure, and yes, Mosques. Use Middle Eastern contractors, labor, and companies. No American corporation should get rich rebuilding Iraq and Afghanistan, otherwise there is no economic incentive to end this war. Assign a 'Reconstruction Comptroller' (NOT a 'Czar', in fact, never use the word 'Czar' again, ever) who is personally responsible to the American people for every dime spent in the rebuilding effort. And finally, Americans allowed their leaders to get the country into this mess, and Americans should have to carry some of the responsibility for making it right. Sacrifice is required, Americans can no longer go sheep like about their daily lives, we all have a moral obligation to assist in correcting the mistakes of our leaders. Write your congressman. Write you Senator. Hold them accountable for their actions. Educate yourselves and vote for those who will do the right thing, even if they aren't a member of your political party. Conserve energy. Buy smaller cars. Quit bitching about how this war is about oil, and reduce the amount of oil you use. Give money to human rights organizations. Something, do anything, besides putting one of those yellow ribbon magnets on your monster SUV.

Bush wants to improve America's image abroad? He's welcome to use the above. He can even call it a 'roadmap' if he wants to.