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Saturday, September 25, 2021

Recap: September 25, 2021


I've been mostly offline the last few days dealing with some real world issues. 

So, I missed it but I assume Trump is currently being reinstated because the Arizona Cyber Ninja Pirate Kraken audit proved Joe Biden lost by like a Quebizillion votes...? 

So, anyway, anyone know what channel the inauguration is on? 

Hello? 

But seriously, a bunch of crooked Republicans (that's redundant, isn't it? It sounds redundant) did their damnest to rig an election so only their party could vote and only their candidate could win and Trump sucked so hard, so goddamn hard, that not only did he lose in the reddest of states to Joe Fucking Biden but when they hired a bullshit openly partisan "cybersecurity" outfit to steal "audit" the election, Trump actually lost even harder

There's a supermassive black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy, this thing is a ravening gravitational monster that pulls in goddamn stars by the millions and eats them whole and even it doesn't suck as hard as a Republican who actually tried to cheat in Arizona of all places and ended up losing even more

Republicans actually paid to get their pants pulled down and spanked on their bare ass in public... okay, that's maybe not the best analogy when it comes to Christian Conservatives, but I think I've made my point here.

Trump naturally blamed "the press." 

Me? I blame Justin Bieber. 

What does The Biebs have to do with it? 

Exactly.

Meanwhile, Trump Junior gave a speech at a "gun mega-store" in Marietta, Georgia earlier this week where he proudly referred to himself as a "5th Avenue Redneck."

5th Avenue Redneck.

I'll just pause for a minute while you savor just how stupid rich you have to be to think that's clever. 

I'll pause for an extra minute so you can consider just how much of a simple country chump you have to be to applaud it. 

Think about the guy saying it. Junior here spends more on hair product in one week than his audience likely makes in a year -- or, you know, about the cost of an AR-15. Think about the toothless goobers listening to this ridiculous Ken Doll and nodding their heads. Hey! He saed 5th Abenew Redneck, Bubba! Hell, this feller's one of us! He's not like them other New York elites! 


Junior told the assembly of Confederate flag-waving ass cracks that only way to stop Joe Biden's agenda is with their guns. Praise Jesus! And also dismissed gun violence: 

In terms of, as a percentage of crime, it's like nothing, right? It's statistically very insignificant. That's not saying that we want to allow those things to happen. Obviously, that's not the case. But they're [gun control advocates] able to manipulate the data.

Them damn Yankee liberals are able to man-ip-u-late that dater, Bubba!

I really enjoy the part where your murdered kids and dead Americans are statistically insignificant. It don't get any more 5th Avenue than that.

One abortion is one too many. 

One black person voting in Georgia is one too many.

One immigrant crossing the border illegally is one too many. 

One poor person getting some food stamps? One too many!

One homeless person on the streets of Nancy Pelosi's district... well, you you know. But 30,000 Americans dead from gun violence every year? Another murdered school? Another shot up church? Another movie theater? Another mall? Fuck it! Statistically insignificant according to some rich greasy douche calling himself the 5th Avenue Redneck -- which I haven't Googled because I don't want to end up on an FBI watchlist, but I assume "5th Avenue Redneck" is his Eddie Munster Cosplay porn star name. 

Boom choka chaka boom boom. Now that's in your head. 

At this point I'm just sitting here waiting for Republicans to outlaw antibiotics next.

Honestly, how long until Texas Republicans pass a law making prayer a mandatory treatment for COVID?

Remember that time Governor Rick Perry got on TV and called on a whole stadium of Texans to pray to their miserable mean god for rain? As an official act of the state government? Remember that? And we thought Sweet Wookie Jesus, look at that guy just pissing all over the separation of church and state, man, somebody should totally put a stop to this religious bullshit before it gets out of hand. 

Guess what? 

Spoiler alert: No one put a stop to it.

Speaking of religious nuts no one is apparently going to stop, Marjorie Taylor Greene spent Friday screaming at people on the Capitol steps. 

You look at this woman, all red faced and yellow-eyed, shouting insanity, spit flying, and how do you  even tell her from the other nuts roaming the Washington Mall? 

Has anyone actually checked? 

Maybe she's not really a member of congress. 

Maybe she's just another cat-piss smelling goof with crazy hair who wandered in off the street? It's Washington, I mean, weirder shit has happened. 

Seriously, no one would have elected her? Right? 

This woman is horrible and that's a fact. But just how ignorant, how hateful, how goddamn horrible do you have to be yourself to vote for someone who thinks government should be run by the absolute dumbest, meanest, loudest bully in Junior High? 

And with that, we've come full circle back to Trump. 

Here's a hummingbird:


See you tomorrow. 


71 comments:

  1. I can picture a very clever person, hospitalized for Covid in Texas. "Yes, prayer is a good idea. I'll need sea salt, rain water, 4 candles in these colours (lists colours), and dirt from the very centre of a crossroad."

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    Replies
    1. Tried too hitch a ride😊

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    2. Red, white, black, and green. :D

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    3. Lol! I use some of these things for stuff. And I’m I can guarantee they will not cure Covid or anything else that ails these mouth breathing wastes if human skin.

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  2. Thank you Mr Wright for putting perspective into the daily news. I’ve gotten far to used to screaming in frustration while reading it

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  3. I like your comments! You are able to put my feelings into words.

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  4. It's a good game they are playing, money, send us money, give us money, you are our monkeys. 5th avenue redneck, we're just like you. Now, send us more money.

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    Replies
    1. Thats just like bigtime evangicals, send us money, god needs more money, send it now.

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  5. Lucky us in Nashville, looking forward to a gathering of quacks, Qanons, and wing nuts next month, led by Er-ick Trump and Roger Stone. Cain't wait, bubba.

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  6. You are spot on again, Jim As usual.
    Hope things have settled down personally
    Love the hummingbird!

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  7. Its a crazy fucking world we live in,Its why we/and you need to take a break from it on occasion...Me its smoking Dope and Playing my guitar and some photography also..Thanks for What U Do jim.

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  8. The hummingbird is the only thing that saved me from total despair!

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  9. Thanks for the reminder that I am not nuts or alone in my condemnation of these ridiculous piss-ants. My patience with those who support them and even repeat their rhetoric is gone. Gone. Done. Finished.

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  10. Bang on as usual. That fraudit buncombe is spreading to other states but Athena knows it's gonna be paid for by the taxpayers of every state that the Repubs get this ramrodded through. Not a chance in hell that the GQP will pay for it out of their own pockets. And that doesn't even count the voting machines trashed by these "experts" who don't know a damn thing.

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    1. It does appear to be a GOP-approved political tactic to put more taxpayer $$$$$$$ into conservative profit columns. I guess we are supposed to be grateful it has been diverted from the military-industrial complex. Not as much bloodshed. Maybe.

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  11. I will just never understand how so many people have been taken in by this family of grifters.

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    1. “It is easier to fool someone, then to convince them they’ve been fooled”. Mark Twain.

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  12. Thanks man you seriously made my day, Absolutely hilarious yet so on point.
    Side note really really need a pen, every single time I miss out. Do you drop secret clues as to when they hit your stonekettle store?

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  13. I like the change in format. Also great hummer photos.

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  14. Only quibble with this is that AZ is not nearly the "reddest of states". State Lege is only R by two seats, and we have more Democratic US congress members than Republican. We have two Dem senators (although one should really be described as an "alleged" Dem )

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  15. Thanks for the hummingbird, Jim.

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  16. Dear Jim, your analogy is exquisitely perfect. Dildo Braggins and his family and his sycophants are as corrupt as it is humanly possible to be. Keep on ripping them a new one.

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  17. Too many voters think of politics as a professional wrestling event - so we get Congresscritters such as Marjorie Taylor Greene.

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  18. I've not been able to comment on your Facebook page, I might be a little in love with you and your sarcastic wit.

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    Replies
    1. Everyone is. It's like sidling up to crazy and licking its ear.

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  19. You don’t know half the story here in the AZ…home of god fer real red neck QTrumplicans. Story is getting ready to go noocular.

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    1. I hope Maricopa County sues Cyber Nutjobs and the Republicon party for the costs to replace those voting machines they wrecked.

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  20. Sadly I don't think I will ever see our country back to normalcy, we've gone downhill since Nancy and the Gipper,

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    1. We've gone down hill because of Nancy "I have to talk to to my astrologer" and the Gipper "I have alzheimer's and the gays deserve to die from AIDs" and his Iran Contra crimes. Before you get angry I fell for his BS at the time myself and voted for him.

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  21. I love you! I love you! I love you! You are the voice inside my head! Actually-the voice inside my head isn’t as smart and dry as you-but I wish it was! I love you!

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  22. Re:people who voted for MTG, I've said the same thing about the people who voted for and still support tRump. I know they're the same people but there is something horribly wrong with them that they could support such vile pieces of garbage.

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  23. I spit my drink when I read the Milky Way part. Too true.
    After their Arizona public spanking, I think I see some more voter suppression steam coming. TFP

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  24. It is mind blowing to me that what's her face Green whatever was elected because she ran unopposed. Democrats need to stop letting shit like this happen.

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    1. She originally had a Democratic candidate running against her. But he didn't have much funding, lost his job not long after he filed, and then his wife left him. Then he moved in with his parents, out of state. (This is what's known as Democrats not trying.)

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    2. Aaaand right after I made that reply, I found an article about that Democrat, Kevin Van Ausdal, in Saturday's Washington Post. (I don't know if Jim likes links here, so I won't post one.)

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    3. Well...not exactly. She had an opponent until roughly mid-September (I think), when he got served divorce papers, dropped out of the race, and moved to Indiana to get away from the death threats. By that time it was too late to put another candidate up, even assuming somebody *else* would have been willing to run in an environment that hostile.

      I agree that Democrats need to stop letting shit like that happen. Republicans need to stop letting shit like that happen, too. That sort of shit is bad for democracy regardless of who benefits.

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    4. Her opponent was run out of the state. Had to go in hiding due to death threats. Yeah, She's great, huh.

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  25. Hmmm. Spanking nekkid asses. Right up the kkkristian rights alley

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  26. Spot on, Jim!! The Trump kids are as stupid, greedy and obnoxious as Daddy Dumbass, who says he will run in '24 barring a call from Dr. Spock, or Dr. Atlas, or maybe Dr. Paul the fake ophthamologist? Do you even recall a former potus criticizing, second guessing, whining about and being awful to his successor? Never in my 68 years.

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  27. The Republicans have shown almost as much chutzpah as Ferdinand Marcos of the Philippines. Marcos had his cronies commit all manner of fraud and intimidation (including ballot stuffing) to ensure he won the election, but so few voted for him that he lost all the same.

    Then he went on national television to announce he was setting the election aside because his government had discovered widespread fraud. Um... no shit?

    He fled to the US soon after, when it became clear he'd likely be dragged through the streets if he stuck around.

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  28. We have the same hummingbird feeder...

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  29. I think your description of Christian Cons is spot on. The places in which they live usually have some of the highest porn usages in the county. The only state that outdoes them is Utah.

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    1. I agree; I used to CSR for an online porn seller. There were LOTS of SE America addresses on our product mailings.

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  30. On point, as usual, Chief. By the way, where can I find the postings for your pen sales? They don't show up on Etsy, and I am not sure where else to look. Thanks.

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  31. Bet this feels better than zuckerland. Jim Hightower would smile.

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  32. Your brain is fucking beautiful.

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  33. Don't be too hard on Junior. He's had to live his whole life without a father's love. Plus, his personal criming is about to catch up with him.

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  34. I just want to put a happy bitmoji all over this! Grazie.

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  35. MTG has nothing else to do except vote on bills, so she just hangs around the Capitol and harasses her colleagues. I'm not sure of her endgame, though. I mean, she definitely will get voted out of the primary. A Congressperson with no committee assignments is virtually useless to their base. Or maybe they just don't care anymore and will do anything to "own the libs."

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    1. If only her base actually cared about her doing, you know, her actual job.

      Those mouthbreathing inbreds LOVE that she is an antagonistic own-the-libs personality in Congress.

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  36. If it wasn't all so scary it would be freaking funny.

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  37. To me, Junior will always be Butthead, to brother Eric's Bevis.
    And as for Marjorie Taylor Greene, somewhere there's a trailer missing its trash.

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  38. I have missed your longer-form writing. I mean, it’s all good, but over here you seem to get on a roll more easily, and your “rolls” are just Epic.
    Also, it’s much easier stay off the FB when I can find you over here.

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  39. Omg Jim you are spot on as usual. Eddie Munster cosplay!! πŸ˜†πŸ˜†

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  40. The US has been groomed and guided by the wealthy oligarch owners to have a large contingent of unquestioning, clueless, uneducated, selfish know nothings as their power base...fear mongering is the weapon of choice, and it is a powerful weapon that is very effective.

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  41. Of course, they just had to double down. https://www.politico.com/news/2021/09/24/trump-election-falsehoods-arizona-report-514275

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  42. Genius stuff. Mandatory prayer injections!!!!! How could they not have thought of this already; like police-enforced crying at a dead North Korean leader's funeral!
    Biblical passage chips can be inserted! Small donation = GREAT BARGAIN for enabling for perpetual praying!

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  43. Jim, I had to pick myself off the floor I was l laughing so hard, that essay was pure genius! It is a sad state of affairs that those people actually walk among us

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  44. When ever the trump boys are mentioned, I immediately think of the Upperclass Twit Of the Year Monty Python skit

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  45. Borrowing from Jerry Jeff Walker:
    "Up against the wall, 5th Avenue Redneck ..."
    This is why I donate to Stonekettle Station on the regular.
    Thanks, Jim.
    Hope things are improving on the home front.
    Onward and upward . . .

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  46. Holy crap, the black hole paragraph. Excellent post in its entirety, as usual, but damn that got me.

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  47. Don't ask me why, but I feel compelled to mount a defense of my hometown of Marietta, GA. It's the largest city in Cobb County, which voted for Hillary in 2016, and Biden in 2020. It's also a suburb of Atlanta.

    Now that I've said that, I have to admit that there's a good chance that I have at least one cousin who went to see Junior. But they most likely have all of their teeth, at least the ones that show. Of course I can't be sure of this because I moved to Boston decades ago, and these are people I don't stay in touch with, since they're gun-toting Republicans. Real praise the Lord and pass the ammunition types. You couldn't pay me enough to live there again.

    I'm not really helping my case here am I?

    Anyway, I'm also loving the new format. Thanks for the laughs, and the hummingbirds.

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  48. If you were able to swallow "compassionate conservative", "Fifth Avenue redneck" isn't even a stretch.

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  49. Love the new link to website. I do feel safer commenting on your website than on FB. Sort of like being invited into your "safe" space and, as the highly opinionated, somewhat tactless, occasionally vulgar person I am? This is perfect. Fuck those who would tear America apart for their own personal gain and glory. I buy your books, love your photography, so very glad you give voice to what most of what the majority is thinking. We aren't "liberal" or "progressive" -- we read, understand science & math, and have a general knowledge of history. TFG and all that lead up to him and his spawned septic tank dwellers are frightening to me.

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