Wednesday, October 17, 2007

No! That's not true! That's impossible!

Dick Cheney and Barack Obama are related, or so says Lynn Cheney.

Ah hahahahaha!

"Obviously, Dick Cheney is the black sheep of the family," Obama spokesman Bill Burton said.

Ah hahahahaha, again. Stop it! I've got tears in my eyes. Oh God, I can't wait for the late-night talk-show pundits to run with this one.

Dark Lord of the GOP, Dick Vader appears to be going through some kind of post-menopausal life-changing event. It began in August of 2004, when he and and his wife, Padame, ur, eh, sorry, Lynne Cheney broke with the President over the issue of gay marriage. Up to that point, his gay daughter, Mary, seemed to causing a massive disturbance in the Neo-Conservative Force, then suddenly Dick is all "Mary, I am your faaaather!" This has caused the Emperor no end of grief.

What's next? What other dark (heh heh) secrets is the paragon of conservative values hiding? Can we expect pictures of him marching in a San Fransisco Gay Pride rally? (And if my media server, which is where I kept my copy of Photoshop, was up and running such a picture would surface here and now. Stupid static electricity) Has he been doing a little quail hunting around certain airport restrooms? Will NSA data mining of his phone records show repeated clandestine calls to Cindy Sheehan? Who else is he related to? Jesse Jackson? Louis Farrakhan? Or gasp, Bill Clinton? The world waits and wonders.

How embarrassing. For Barack, I mean.


  1. *ring, ring*


    "Hi, Dick. This is your old friend Karma."

    "Karma who?"

    "You know...karma. The eastern idea that you bring about your own life's results based on your previous actions. 'What comes around goes around.' Karma."

    "I don't think I'm supposed to believe in karma. Is it in the bible?"

    "I'm not sure. It really doesn't matter. Listen, I'm here to give you a big, fat, punch in the nose in payment for a lifetime of misdeeds."

    "Are you sure you have the authority to do that? I think only the executive branch has that power..."

    "Dick, shut up and listen. You've been an intolerant twit for most of your adult life, and let's face it, in the last 6 years you can only be described as a freeze-dried whack-a-loon. It's payback time."

    "I'm calling the Justice Department."

    "Yeah, good luck with that. I thought the Alberto Gonzalez debacle was some of my best work."

    "Maybe I should call Karl. He'll know what to do."

    "I'm sure he will. Are you ready for the punch-in-the-nose? Get ready...you're related to BARACK OBAMA."


    "Yep. Related, I say. And are you ready for the best part? Your lovely wife will be the one to out you! How sweet is that?"


    "Dick, take a nitro pill. This really is the pinnacle of my work year. I'd hate for it to be wasted by you dropping dead."



    *ring, ring"


    "Yes, Karma? This is Barack Obama. WTF, man?"

    "Oh, get over yourself. You're all just instruments of my will. Besides, what did you expect when you decided to take donations from the rap stars you're condemning out of the other side of your mouth? No one's immune, you know."


    "Yes, that. Dumb ass."


  2. Janiece, you're killing me here. This is already funny as hell, and you're just making it funnier. Man, I would have liked to have been a fly on the wall when his wife sprung this one on him, talk about your classic Candid Camera moment.

    Of course, don't be surprised if Lynne Cheney suddenly gets, you know, disappeared. Sorry, Honey, it's for the good of the nation. National Security, Baby, so sorry. Besides, you'll like Bulgaria.

    I can't stop laughing, I just can't.

  3. Let's see, what's left. Big Tent joke. No, nobody would believe that about Dick with his ticker. Hmm, how about the Party of Family Values. Nah, that's been overdone.

    "Tenting tonight, tenting tonight..."

  4. Uhm, Uncle Dick, this is Barack, can I get a loan? Hello? Hello?


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