Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Die, Microsoft You Bastards, Die!

You know what I hate most about Microsoft Windows?

The bizarre random inconsistency.

Nine times in a row it does the same thing, and then on the tenth time, it just suddenly does something completely off the wall for no damned reason whatsoever that you can determine.

Whatever you’re trying to do, it won’t do that. No matter what combination of curses you try.

Sooner or later, you’re going to have to reboot the computer. Microsoft has some kind of pathological requirement that you reboot whenever it appears that you might be trying to do something simple and routine.

I’m trying to upload pictures from my camera.

I’ve done this dozens of times since I bought the camera. Normally I just plug in the USB cable, the pictures gadget recognizes the camera, finds the pictures, and uploads them. Done. I write the blog post while I’m doing it.

Not today.

Suddenly Vista just doesn’t recognize the camera. Lalalalalalalalalala, I don’t see no camera. I can’t do it manually because it doesn’t register the camera’s internal drive – which is probably the actual problem and why the transfer gadget doesn't start. I can’t just pop the chip out of the camera and put it in the computer’s chip reader because it’s formatted in Nikon’s proprietary format – which the chip reader doesn’t recognize.

So now I have to screw around for an hour to figure out what the problem is.

Seriously, Microsoft, and you wonder why people hate your fucking guts?

Go on, tell me what you think is Windows’ worst feature.

Oh, and let me add a preemptive “fuck you, Linux Guy” and a “fuck you, Mac Guy” I am really not in the mood for your smug giggling at the moment – which, of course, will not stop you from making some smarmy comment about your super wonderful Gucci-neato operating system.

Hence the preemptive part.


I’m guessing the device driver for the Nikon is corrupt. 

I have now passed the point where I’m willing to screw with it any further tonight, and am rapidly moving into the realm of random violence. I feel a burning need to kick puppies and punch a bunny repeatedly.

I was going to show you what I’ve been spinning on the big lathe, but you know at this point I am so damned irritated that I’m going to go drink beer and watch something on cable. Probably something about bunnies being punched in the face, or eaten alive by aliens.

See you tomorrow.


Note: No actual bunnies were hurt during the drafting of this post – but they could have been, oh yes, they could have been.


  1. I had the same sort of day, except with macs trying to connect to AD, which would randomly work then not work, etc. I so felt like killing someone, anyone.

  2. Go on, tell me what you think is Windows’ worst feature.

    That's like asking a member of the Franklin expedition what the worst part of his trip was.

  3. See, it's my considered opinion that you should be allowed to shoot a random Microsoft Executive from a church tower with a high powered rifle when this kind of nonsense occurs.

    I'm not talking about killing anybody, the first time, I'd use rubber bullets, but man, would it leave a welt!

    Apparently there's some kind of law about this. Go figure.

  4. When I got the laptop from Dell, I took the option to "downgrade" from Vista to Windows XP. I've had no reason to regret that decision.

    snardst == Name of a Neil Gaiman novel in a recent book review, as texted via cellphone.

  5. I've found that every year or so I have to do a complete re-install of windoze - I keep a spare hard drive to swap in for just that purpose. Microsoft's worst feature just seems to be the way it will accumulate minor errors until some kind of snapping point is reached. Memory leaks and other such technobabblish stuff, I guess.

    I tried Vista from alpha through beta to retail and will never, never install it on a machine of my own (although I've put it on friend's systems when they've insisted). 7 seems to be a lot better but my primary system, on which I depend runs XP Pro. No fancy dual boots, no linux (though I do have a hackintosh tetbed) and not too many problems. Oh, and I have never yet had a problem with Outlook...

    fraliti - a misspelt windows application.

  6. "Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the show?"

    Other than Vista...

    Yup, that'd be it, right there.

    nonics - something I hope I never get hooked on.

  7. Vista, the Toyota break pedal of the Microsoft product line.

  8. Go on, tell me what you think is Windows’ worst feature.

    DRM & proprietary everything.

  9. Window's worst feature is definitely Vista. How they managed to make something even more hate-worthy than Millennium Edition is far beyond my understanding. I'm all for shooting random Microsoft execs. Or perhaps we could go with an activity in a more soul-satisfying vein: whacking them over the head with a truncheon.

  10. Microsoft's worst problem - Bill Gates: The AntiChrist.

  11. Wow according to the commercials Window 7 fixed everything. IF that is the case why are there fewer features, the inability to recognize my camera most of the time, the reminder that other than Microsoft products are not really compatible if MS makes a similar product and all that "Not Responding" crap. Not only do they make a crap product they lie too. Save me a bunny to kick.

  12. Vista is kind of crap. If you're stuck with an Microsoft OS, I'd recommend at least upgrading to Windows 7.

  13. A sufficiently-advanced technology may indeed be indistinguishable from magic. But after that point it's all downhill as the technology simulaneously advances further and relegates the users to superstition and cargo cults.

  14. I was reading an article recently (can't recall where) written by an ex Microsoft exec who quit out of frustration. His division couldn't create better software because all of the other division heads wouldn't allow any changes to their software that they couldn't control. Basically, their corporate culture is broken and their products reflect that.

    payolum: singular of payola

  15. Windows worst feature is whatever version of Windows is giving you a fit at the moment.

    Save me a MS exec to shoot. Thanks.

  16. Go on, tell me what you think is Windows’ worst feature.

    I hate that people are always writing long ranty posts or short pithy snarks about the evils of Windows and I never have any idea what they're talking about, so I miss all the fun (since I'm on a Mac).

    See how I slipped that in? Huh? Huh?

  17. ...so I miss all the fun (since I'm on a Mac).

    And given the relative dearth of software for the Mac compared to Windows, that's true in more ways than one.


  18. Insert smug giggling comment here.

    A mac guy who'll likely never go back to PC. My Mac, BTW, apparently will run Windows faster and better than a PC.

  19. I run win7 and its better than vista but still has the same kinds of problems - lots of little things that frustrate the hell out of me. Its refusal (sometimes) to let me delete an empty folder, even after 7 "are you sure" and "you need administrator permissions" prompts. Its decision (sometimes) to display a 75 mile long list of 14 inch high icons instead of a simple list of documents - seriously, does ANYBODY use the "colossal icon" setting besides microsoft? I run 1920x1200 and I can still only see 4 of them on the screen at once.

    On the good side, at least it doesn't run mac applications

  20. Hey Jim, it could be worse, you could be one of us smug Linux bastards who maintains a Windows partition for gaming and then manage to get thanfected with Malware.

    It's embarrassing it is, i know better than to do most of the risky shit, but i managed to get zapped anyway.

    Since none of the fixes within Windows have worked, am running clamAV on my windows partition from within Linux.

    If this doesn't do the trick, it is the trebuchet ext.

  21. Well I guess I will stand up for ole Microsoft. They have created great OS's and revolutionized the way we use computers. Less people use Linux and Mac's so we hear of less problems. For all the downfalls in the software it is still a great product. I may have issues every once in awhile, I will say get Windows 7. Been using it for 2 months now and have had zero issues with it. Runs all my programs and drivers have never been an issue yet.
    Yep and you Mac users haha, have fun with that extensive software library, and if your a gamer well then tell me how Doom is.. I heard it's a great game.

  22. Jim, you just need some curry. Then, everything will gall into place.

  23. I just want Bill Gates to pay me my going consulting rate for all of the time I've waiting on servers, workstations, and devices to reboot. And all of the times I've chased a problem for hours and found out "Oh, that's a known issue. We'll fix it in the next release" or "Here's a hotfix you can only get by calling support".
    I'm thinking I could retire.

  24. "everything will gall into place"

    fall ... into place. Ugh.

    "Yep and you Mac users haha, have fun with that extensive software library, and if your a gamer well then tell me how Doom is.. I heard it's a great game."

    I've never thought so. I like games like Myst and Riven (and Windwaker). Anyway, quantity is no substitute for quality.

    And I finally get what that word definition thingy is people are appending their posts with.

    bregura: an Irish monodontid.

  25. ::windows voice::
    What network.
    I cant not see any networks, I dont know what your talking about.
    Oh, that network.
    Sorry, I can not connect to that network.
    Sorry, I dont know the reason why.
    Please contact your network administrator.
    ::/windows voice::

    Who the fuck do you think I am?

    Jim, I'll buy you the god damned bullets.

  26. I'm sorry. We are unable to install that printer.

    Error: 0070000000xE.07

    Yeah. That's a big fucking help.

    wantl = a small wanton

  27. You have unused icons on your desktop. Click this balloon for help on removing them. (clicks on X to close balloon window)

    30 seconds later...

    You have unused icons on your desktop.

    Oh, you mean THOSE unused icons. The ones I use to keep track of things. The ones I can use to launch programs when I am in stylus operation on my tablet, instead of via a keyboard and mouse. The ones I can use when the Microsoft Office Toolbar suddenly stops responding.

    Those icons? Keep your fucking filthy paws off my icons. I told you NO already.

    My favorite bad feature? The one that (1) won't actually launch Task Manager because some runaway program, dumprep.exe I'm looking at you, is eating all the machine cycles and (2) won't let Task Manager kill a program that is Not Responding because it's too busy not responding. Yeah, dumprep.exe, I'm looking at how you spawn yourself off everytime I try to kill a job. One thing I definitely miss from UNIX is kill -9.

    Dr. Phil

    nexply -- The next "X" reply I need to close a window after I've already closed it.

  28. You know Dr.Phil,

    Open Display in Control Panel.
    On the Desktop tab, click Customize Desktop.
    Under Desktop cleanup, uncheck Clean Desktop Wizard.

    Easy, and wow I found that in Windows help.

  29. Dr Phil,

    Killing programs is nigh near useless on XP.

    Select the Process tab and kill the program from there.

    Word XP (I think) was particularly bad about leaving the word process running in the background, and fucking up anything else you were wanting to do.

    And really, just tell Windows to stop suggesting things for you.

    And if you're feeling really brave, you can go into msconfig and turn off all the crap you don't really need.

  30. I always wondered what the Navy punched, the Army punches themselves, the air force punches pillows the coast guard punches goats, the Marines punch babies, and the Navy punch bunnies

  31. Well, hell, S, I didn't know that either. And Dr. Phil's complaint is right on the top of my list, I hate that "unused icon" popup with all of my soul. So thanks.

  32. Nope, spoke too soon. I don't have any such setting.

  33. What OS Jim?

    coleded = slaw through a strainer

  34. "Oh, and let me add a preemptive “fuck you, Linux Guy” and a “fuck you, Mac Guy” I am really not in the mood for your smug giggling at the moment – which, of course, will not stop you from making some smarmy comment about your super wonderful Gucci-neato operating system.

    Hence the preemptive part."

    BAAAHAAAAA oh wait, what's this? what's this pop up window say? "You have download updates for Microsoft Office for Mac"

    I hate Microsoft!

  35. Ahhh. Well that was the fix for XP, I guess you are using Vista.

    It's called Desktop clean up wizard, so there should be a setting somewhere to disable it.


    Try that. Do a start then Run. And run gpedit.msc

    There are tons of options in the group policy editor, Windows can be your friend you just have to configure it to be :)

  36. Your titles alone make me laugh.

  37. Well, I am a funny guy. Everybody says so.

  38. S -- I know there's a way to get rid of it. I like to scream sometimes. In particular, why would one WANT to have to fuck with this? MS has written a whole lotta OTHER dialog boxes with a Do Not Show Me This Again option, so this one proves to me it is BAD PROGRAMMING.

    Dr. Phil

  39. dear microsoft,


    Merry christmas
    yours sincerely,
    The linux users


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