Monday, November 2, 2009

Everything I Need To Know About Parenting…

…I learned from Conservative Pundits.


What if we raised our kids the same way Neocons want to run America?

No, seriously, what if we did?

Now, don’t go getting all bunched up in the shorts, I’m not talking about conservatives in general, I’m talking about those ultra right-wing talking heads.

Rush called the President a “man-child” “inexperienced” and “in over his head” driven by his “world class ego” (one presumes Rush is the expert on such matters). Cheney said Obama is “dithering” on Afghanistan (but apparently moving too quick on healthcare). Glenn and Chuck Norris are advocating armed revolution (in order to preserve real America). Palin is in New York, endorsing some uber rightwing loon over her own party’s candidate.  Sean is obsessed with Facists like some later day Tail Gunner Joe McCarthy. You can’t read the paper or turn on the TV or the radio without hearing one of these people bemoaning how the country is going straight to liberal atheist hell in a socialist hand basket made in communist China, how real Americans and real America are lost, how their rights are being trampled, how embarrassed they are to live in a United States where the President was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize instead of being burned in effigy in the streets of friendly and hostile countries both. And there are hundreds of thousands of people hanging on every word, ready for the revolution, ready to take back America for real Americans when the liberals come to pry the guns from their cold dead fingers.

You really have to wonder about these people, don’t you?

You have wonder if these people are for real – they talk the talk, but do they really walk the walk with two right feet?  I mean, really? Think about it for a minute, these pundits, they’ve got some pretty specific ideas of why progressives and liberals and moderates and basically anybody who isn’t Ronald Reagan’s handpicked red-state war child shouldn’t be running the country.

You have to wonder what kind of children they’re raising.

My parents taught my brother and myself to look out for others, to be courteous, to share, to take responsibility, to be kind, to be helpful, winning isn’t everything, pick up after yourself, brains over brawn.  But, reading through the neocon blogs, news stories, columns, and talk show transcripts, after listening to these people for the last year, I see some common threads and I wonder what The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Parenting would look like if it was penned by these people.

- Never, ever apologize. Never show humility.  Other people make mistakes, you don’t.

- There is no such thing as shared interests, there is only your interests.

- People who believe different than you are the enemy. Period.

- A stitch in time saves nine - but tax refunds buy votes now.

- Never compromise. Don’t cooperate. Meeting somebody halfway shows only weakness.

- If you’re not the leader, go rogue

- Violence is always the answer. Compassion is for suckers.

- If you don’t have anything nice to say, you can always get a job with Fox News. 

- Don’t think, ACT! Deliberation and consideration are unpatriotic.

- Real friends tell you only what you want to hear. 

- Never pick up after yourself.

- You are the center of the universe. The wants and needs of others are of no consideration.

- Winning is everything. It doesn’t matter how, win at all costs

- There’s never a wrong time to play the Nazi card.

- The end justifies the means, always.

-  Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day - and then he’ll be dependent on handouts from the State, that way leads to socialism. 


Seriously, would you want to know a kid raised like this? No?

Frankly I doubt the Neocons would either.

So why would they want their country to run on that same philosophy?


  1. This may be your most partisan comment that I have read, but it made me laugh. I try to convince myself that people of opposing viewpoints aren't idiots by reading a variety of viewpoints, but sometimes it is really hard to understand their world view, and your post hit many of the highlights of my problem.

  2. @ Justin

    The late William Safire was fairly conservative. I read his column in the NYTimes. I seldom agreed with him, but he did give rational arguements for his point of view. Things I could possibly adopt.

    George Will used to be the same way. I don't see him often anymore, and what I've seen is too ranty for me, but there may well be a selection process going on there.

    @Jim The NY Conservative candidate Palin is backing doesn't even live in the district. He has also driven the Republican from the race and she endorsed the Democrat, thus being called a traitor.

    To be fair, I wouldn't want to see a parenting hand book written by the far American left either. Which seems to be driven by the 'You deserve an A simply because you tried' as the basis of their approach.

  3. @ntsc I agree that a parenting hand book written by the far left would also not be how I would parent a child. That's the problem with extremists, no matter what they're extreme about.

    There was a time in my life I would have described myself as a moderate Republican, but I consider myself and independent these days.

    The insanity that is the Republican far right is being demonstrated in New York’s 23rd district. Dede Scozzafava was the Republican candidate, a woman who was considered to be a center-right Republican but who made the mistake of favoring abortion, gay rights, and the Obama stimulus package. Nut jobs like Glen Beck, Sarah palin, Fred Thompson, Dick Armey, Michele Bachmann, Steve Forbes, Rick Santorum and Tim Pawlenty declared she wasn't "true" conservative, and pushed aan accountant and businessman named Doug Hoffman.

    When Newt Gingrich backed Scozzafava, they turned on him, with that uber-whack job Michelle Malkin imagined him appointing Al Sharpton as secretary of education and Al Gore as "global warming czar."

    As for Hoffman, he doesn't even live in the district, and shows no understanding of local issues.

    As someone I read noted, the Republicans are eating there young, and moderate Republicans are on the endangered list.

  4. Justin, naw this isn't nearly as partisan as some things I've written. Read the Liberalism and Insanity post linked to at the top of the main page. I still get two or three hate mails a week on that one.

    But you're right, it is biased to the left, deliberately so. And ntsc is also right, I wouldn't want to see a parenting book written by the ultra left either (shouldn't the terms be ultra left and infra right?) - which mostly could be summed by those bumper stickers where everybody's kid is a superstar full of self esteem at Shitforbrains Jr. High School.

    Naturally, as an Alaskan, I've been following the adventures of our erstwhile governor - the fact that she endorsed ideology over loyalty is what set me down the road to this post. The recent FoxNews vs the White House flap, and Glenn Beck's insane antics and the bumper stickers I see every single day here in Alaska (Rise Up, America - It's Time To End This Obamanation!) are what makes me wonder if these people really, really think this way, or if they've been sold a bill of goods by ideologues like Palin.

    These people increasingly see 60% of their fellow Americans as the enemy. They honestly seem to think that the President is the enemy - it's like some kind of mass hysteria.

  5. The problem is if it's like a zombie apocalypse and needs to be solved that way.

    Personally I see it as a group of people who have just seen their world view shattered and can't deal with it. How far they'll go to restore enough to comfortably keep with their worldview is the question. The two things I see that will be the problem in their world view is that they think they are the "vast" majority, and they also think all the military shares their views. The good news is while they hold those views, their dip into terrorism will be minor.

    The problem is there are groups who have been waiting for such an opportunity, and they've already gone over the edge into the terrorist ideology. How well they'll be able to leverage the current dissatisfaction remains to be seen (it's still up in the air).

  6. Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day

    And don't teach a man to fish- unless you can do so at a large profit.

  7. Jim? Partisan? Nah.

    This gave me a chuckle on a day when I needed one. Thanks, Warrant.

  8. I have some neocon (not so much anymore)friends who are way to close to raising their kids that way.

    I know these people didn't used to be like this. Sad really, the husband especially is a brilliant person, and he's pouring his talent into the Neocon agenda like it's his job.

  9. No no no!

    It's Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a damned boat and drink beer all day.

  10. It's: "Give a fish a man and it will ruin Amity's July 4th celebrations and drive away the tourists and summer people, teach a fish and OH MY GOD IT'S A SUPERINTELLIGENT SHARK LIKE THE ONES IN THAT GODAWFUL RENNY HARLAN MOVIE! GET OUT OF THE WATER! GET OUT OF THE WATER! OH GOD, WE'RE ALL DOOMED! DOOOOOOOOMED!"

  11. And then after I left that comment, there was this headline.



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