Monday, April 6, 2009

Always Double Check the Number, Just Saying

Actual transcript of the phone call I just had:

Me: Hello?
Woman with sexy voice: Hey. Whatchadoing?
Me: Um... (I look at the phone to determine caller ID. I don't know this person)
Woman with sexy voice: I was thinking [hum the dirty parts mmmm mmmmm mmmm whips and chains and four great danes mmmm mmmm mmmmm crisco mmmm rubber chicken mmm socket wrench mmmm mmmm and mount the handle bars on the headboard and ride ride ride mmmm] when you get home.
Me: Say, just out of curiosity, who is this?
Woman, voice suddenly not so sexy: Uh. Uh. Who is this?
Me: I'm Jim Wright.
Woman: Oh, uh, well. You sound just like my husband!
Me: He sounds like a lucky guy.
Woman in small voice: Is he there?
Me: I don't think so (having no idea at all who her husband might be)
Woman: You mean I dialed the wrong number?
Me: Sure seems that way.
Woman: I'm sorry.
Me: No I sort of enjoyed it.
Woman: Thank you. Goodbye.
Me: Thanks for calling.


  1. Mmm.... mmm.... you had me at "socket wrench."

    Dr. Phil

  2. No way I can top the Doctor.

  3. I'd like to claim I'm the phone prankster here -- but I don't think I could:

    1) Keep from laughing
    2) Make my "girl" voice sound very sexy.

  4. Well, at least it wasn't naked Mazola Twister and a trapeze.



  5. Rubber chicken - LOL

    I had a wrong number lady call me once - very smoky, sweaty, 'you-just-left' in her voice, telling me I had left my Cialis and could I pick it up over lunch and she had a really great time last night and was still feeling 'anxious'.

    So, I asked where she lived. heehee "Isn't this John?" "No, sorry." >click< heh heh

    Handlebars.... hihihihihihi.....

  6. Leo Gallagher was great, wasn't he?

    I saw him live at the Kennedy Center, of all places.

    I hope you didn't go do a reverse lookup right after this. :D

  7. The "whips and chains and four great danes" reminds me of an old Martin Mull song where he hums what the dirty parts would have been.

  8. Vince, the "whips and chains mmmm four great Danes" is from the Martin Mull song. "Everybody, hum the dirty parts!"

    JTS, the "mount the handlebars on the headboard and ride ride ride" is a Gallagher ref. Gallagher is one of my favorite comedians, or was, especially his bit about "you can't give a little old lady whiplash, her head don't stick up over the seat!"

    The crisco, rubber chicken, and the socket wrench are entirely mine, and frankly I'd like them back when you're done with them.

    And I was tempted to call her back, just for fun but, you know, my wife wouldn't let me.

  9. Are you SURE it wasn't an imaginative UCFer? (sure as hell not me, I'm not that imaginative or able to keep from laughing)

  10. I can do the phone sex voice, but I couldn't do that without laughing almost immediately.

  11. Well, I figure if it was Michelle, she would have txted it to me....

  12. You know that there will be a rash of "imaginative UCFer" phone calls going around. I, too, can do the throaty voice, but poker face (or poker voice), I do not have...

  13. If she thought she was calling her hubby/bf, man would she have been pissed if your wife had answered!

  14. "The crisco, rubber chicken, and the socket wrench are entirely mine, and frankly I'd like them back when you're done with them."

    Are you sure? You don't know where they've been...


  15. Neither do you, Wendy, neither do you.

  16. Hey, no worries, I'm not the one that has them...although if I was you I'd check Phil to see if he's the one that made off with the socket wrench...


  17. Damnit, if he set it down on that desk of his we'll never see it again.

    See, this is exactly why I don't loan out tools, or my rubber chicken...

  18. This is a prank I am totally capable of, and I wish I'd thought of it. Damn!

    I'd have to block my number and drop my voice, but I could do it.


  19. Something like this happened after the three month wait for phones ended during a barracks renovation down at Corry Station. Somehow, the lady had a list of the new numbers, called each room, and got very familiar, very quickly.

    Made for some particularly interesting discussions in the smoke shack....


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