Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Best and Worst of Stonekettle Station

Winter is coming, folks.

In Alaska, the cold, it comes early.

Our seasons are not what most of you are used to.  Oh, we have summer - commonly referred to as 'Stinking Tourist Season,' and we do have winter, lots and lots and lots of winter. Winter we got in spades.  Spring? There is no spring in Alaska. Instead, we have 'breakup' - i.e. the period of glop, potholes, mud, rain, slush, and bodies exposed by the retreating snowdrifts right before the mosquitoes show up.  And fall? Well, we just bypass that altogether - one day it's warm and sunny, and the next you're wrapped in three layers of polar fleece like some long lost wooly mammoth and shoveling the driveway three times a day.

I'm seeing snow on the mountain tops and the leaves have turned yellow, the state fair is nothing more than a fading memory of old corn dog grease, Beastly has packed his RV and is pouring over maps to warmer climates, the dog has increased three times in bulk due to her new winter coat, and me? Me I've got a list as long as a Middle Eastern "Roadmap to Peace" to get done before the flakes start falling.

I've got to recaulk the sunroom windows - which is a major pain in the snowsuit.

I've got to wash down the outside of the house with the power washer, and spray wash the outside windows - not my favorite thing.

The garage and shop doors need the insulation touched up.

The yard needs winter fertilizer applied.

I've got to do a wood harvesting expedition, get several tons cut and laid up in the drying racks before the sap freezes.

The external water systems need to be drained and insulated.

The dog kennel needs to be cleaned and filled with fresh straw.

And a dozen other things that are just too damned mundane to list (yeah, like the stuff I did list was so very exciting. Keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all time. Thanks for riding Stonekettle Station and have a nice day).

I really need to get all of this done this week.  Beastly pulls out this weekend, headed towards Arizona, and that means Monday I am officially back in the writer's chair full time come hell or high water.

So, you'll excuse me if the rest of this week I don't post until much later in the day. 


Now, since I suspect the posting around here will be a little light the rest of this week, and because I know it's my moral obligation to keep all of you regulars entertained, and because we've had hundreds of new readers around here lately thanks to the political stuff, allow me to direct your attention to some of my favorite posts:

Horrors from my childhood (sorry, Mom)

Why it sucks to be a cat in Alaska

Why I hate the Palmer, Alaska Post Office

Die, Symantec, you miserable bastards, Die!

Advertising, Christmas Carols, and the Fist of Death


Stupid Packaging and the mines of Pluto

Wal-Mart, just kill me now

Really, try not to piss me off


And there you have it. Be entertained.

Me? I'll outside washing the windows.


  1. Warrant, you are a serious fucking slacker.

    Seriously, dude. You've been blogging for just over a year, and you're already doing a "best of" entry instead of entertaining us with new and exciting material?

    Who do you think you are? Scalzi?


  2. Nag, nag, nag.

    Maybe I should do some more political stuff? Because you know I haven't done enough of that lately.

    And you haven't been exactly prolific with the posting lately either, Senior Chief.


  3. You know with me being here and all the distractions I have provided for poor Jim, it's no wonder he has such a huge list to work on. Hell he just made the freaking list yesterday. He is correct that I have packed the RV with just about everything that is going and hearing all the whining like "You're taking the Foredom? Don't take the Foredom." "You're taking all that wood? Can't you leave a little for me to use?" Like we could not have gone and gotten more logs for the past three months. Well there are all those shiny objects lying around and the other distractions that cause our host to stray from his plotted course. It's been a great summer filled with turning fun, hiking, and hanging out with my favorite people in the Unimaverse. I will be living in a box in the desert for a couple of months, making furniture, cabinet and selling wood and tools again. Heck it may be a while before I get back up here to Stonekettle Station and by that time young Mr. Wright may be driving.

  4. Ignore the angry man behind the curtain.

    No, the other angry man. Beastly, ignore Beastly.

    Bastard, he's taking the other Fordom.

  5. Your list doesn't include "lime-ing" the outhouse and putting on the faux fur seat cover.

    Anon GF

  6. I for one welcome our new gentle vindictive Imperial overlord master -- may his reign begin in the next five minutes so my second half-century will be spent watching a steady train of prison ships departing for the PLANET Pluto.

    Mrs. Dr. Phil told me I had to shut because I was laughing too loud -- and I hadn't even gotten down to Inertia yet.

    Dr. Phil

  7. Janiece, I'm pretty sure Jim was just taking advantage of the law I posted the other day about not being allowed to re-run a post if your blog is less than one year old.

    Doesn't mean he's not the slacker you say he is, but he's legal.

  8. Warrant, feel free to keep your useless opinions to yourself. HCDSM has had at least one new entry every day of its existence - no exceptions. And no lame "best of" crapola, either. Because, unlike you, I have never been commissioned, and I still remember how to work for a living.

    And Beastly's presence is no excuse for your failure to entertain, either.

    Okay, that's enough nagging. I just don't want you to think I'm some kind of sycophant. I'd rather take out my own eye with a fork than kiss ass.

    Enjoy your "time off." And get busy on Deep Thunder, will you? I want to know what happens next.

    Beastly, you coming through Colorado? Anne and I will buy you a drink at my favorite dive if you do, and you're welcome to hang your hat here for a day or two if you wish.

  9. And Anon GF says Jim has a "faux fur seat cover" for his outhouse.

    How very manly.


  10. It's real fur - Sarah Paulin herself shot and skinned an endangered polar bear, just for me.

  11. I've heard that Sarah Paulin and John Scalvi have been having an affair.

  12. Now you stop that kind of rumor mongering right now, Jeri.

  13. Jesus Jim, you were 'busy' last weekend, & left us w/ nothing to do, & now you're doing it again, damn you! What the hell have you been doing all summer that you left all these tasks for the last minutes, you asshole? Plus you had Beastly there as a helper.
    I'm bored already.

  14. Beastly is actually not a lot of help.

  15. See, Warrant, I think you're finally discovering the part of retirement that sucks. This time of year, you could've had quite a bit of help taking care of some of those items, couldn't you have?

    The selectees are flipping sliders today, and in general ubiquitous, so when I saw your to-do list, I automatically thought about sending some select selectees on a little TDY to your stomping grounds. Sadly, they grumbled about per diem the little whiners....

    Hope all gets done in time. Was just relating the Alaskan seasonal breakout to a subordinate today, and it went much as you described it. Good to know I at least got that much of the Alaskan experience right.

    I seriously have to consider backing janiece murphy--I think you gotta be a five year institution before you can do the greatest hits reel....

    I'm gonna go back to work now, before you somehow find my shop and have taskers standing by. :P

  16. What is this blog retrospect crap? What is the world coming to? I've had a blog for six years and a website for ten and never done a retrospective.

    Of course, that may be because I still have to generate enough material for a "best of" post.

  17. Well, I'm glad you said it and not me.


    Here's the thing, I can entertain you, or I can do the things necessary to keep my wife from killing me, collecting the insurance, and running off to Mexico with Juan the pool boy. Priorities, just saying.

    Also, The Evil Jim Wright made some suggestions for you, Michelle in the Alternate Universe in the place where you were talking about the thing that's bugging you. Just a heads up.

  18. Vettriano,

    Ohh, Slugs, send 'em here. I'll train them correctly, right after they wash my windows.

    Woohoo! Slug training, I do miss that.

  19. http://www.jimwrightisanasshole.com/runbut.htm

    Enough said... :-)

  20. Jim, hanging out with you and John the Scientist and Nathan I do have to be preemptive in such strikes--since I KNOW they're coming.


  21. Doc, you're killing me. Larry's is a comic genius with the HTML.

  22. Exactly how much work could Juan the pool boy possibly get in Alaska?

  23. Sorry, Jim, you've been displaced. Josh is my new best friend.

    Not only does he agree with me, he has SLUGS. That need CHORES.

  24. What is this blog retrospect crap? What is the world coming to? I've had a blog for six years and a website for ten and never done a retrospective.
    Heh, Michelle, I was going to say the same thing, only I've been blogging for 5 years and had a website for 8.
    My excuse for not doing a retrospective is that it would be too much darn work to go through that much material. Also, my posts are generally more domestically oriented, not painted on such a grand scale as we've come to expect from the future emperor of the universe.

    Beastly, you coming through Colorado? Anne and I will buy you a drink at my favorite dive if you do, and you're welcome to hang your hat here for a day or two if you wish.
    Heh, I just said this on the departure post. Good to see great minds think alike. :)


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