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Thursday, April 3, 2008

Jerkoff of the month - Yellow Ribbon Patriots (updated)

You know what chap's my ass?

This:



I purely hate these fucking things. Every single time I see one these idiot, pseudo patriotic decals stuck on the back of some monster oil guzzling SUV I just want to spit.

Yellow Ribbon Patriots - is there anything more contemptible than these people? If so, I don't know what it is. But then, my perceptions may be a little skewed here.

Support our troops?

Yeah, that's what it has come down to for America - a $2.95 magnetic sticker in order to assuage thirty years of guilt over how we treated the troops in the last unpopular and disingenuous conflict. Something that lets Americans pay lip service to the troops without actually having to do a damned thing. Order a box of these from someplace on the internet, hand them out to your friends, slap one on the back of your car - and viola! instant guilt free patriotism.

Somebody answer me this: How, exactly, does this stupid magnet support the troops? Is it the money that Yellow Ribbon Patriots pay retailers who buy from wholesalers who get this thing from a factory in China - a country that makes cheap AK-47's, which end up in the hands of the jihadists shooting at our troops? Or is it by buying a gigantic leviathan of a gas swilling SUV - thereby guaranteeing continued conflict and our resulting continued presence in the Middle East - to stick it on?

Where, exactly, does that $2.95 go?

Take one of the chief internet retailers of Yellow Ribbon Patriotism for example. The Patriotic Superstore (1-866-982-FLAG!, God Bless America!), sounds like Neocon headquarters doesn't it? Why should you buy your patriotic paraphernalia from them? Well, they tell you why, right there on their webpage header:
- 100% satisfaction guaranteed (if you don't feel more patriotic, we'll give you your money back)
- We will not be undersold (nobody is more patriotic than us, we've got a flag and the Statue of Liberty and a picture of our happy Christian White People Family (tm)!)
- Speak to a real person 24/7 - even on holidays! (hey the troops don't get a break, and neither does internet retail!)
- Shipped on the same business day, if ordered before 3PM EST (Order before happy hour, and you can start feeling patriotic right away!)

Notice what it doesn't say - it doesn't say that you should buy from them because they actually support the troops. Their "about us" page claims that they support the local PTA, Girl Scouts, and The Special Olympics - not one word about 'the troops.' And they are typical of the outfits selling this crap.

So, where does the money go?

I'll tell you where it doesn't go. It doesn't go towards armor for transports. It doesn't go towards bullet proof vests. It doesn't go to recreation funds. It doesn't go to military families that can't make their mortgage payments or grocery bills as the economy circles the drain. It doesn't go to pay for phone calls home for troops deployed into hostile zones. It doesn't go to the Airmen's Attic, or to Navy and Marine Corps Relief. It doesn't go to the Red Cross or the USO. In fact, it doesn't go for a lot of things that would directly support the troops. Where it does go is into the pockets of the retailers, it goes to China where the magnetic backing is made. That's where it goes.

And it sure as hell doesn't go to the 450 troops of the Kentucky National Guard, who are currently training in Wisconsin for deployment to Afghanistan. Here's the deal, the battalion has been in Wisconsin for a couple of months of training, and in a month they're leaving for the desert - for a year (and maybe longer if recent history is any guide). Some of these guys aren't coming home, at least not outside of an aluminum box.

Now, they will get leave before they deploy - but there's a catch.

See, due to some idiotic regulation and other such bureaucratic bullshit, they have to take leave as a unit - either they all go, together, or nobody goes (because it's just 'too hard' to keep track of them otherwise - man, do I loath self serving senior officers. "Oooh, that'll mean more work for me, can't have that"). So, to send the entire group home to Kentucky prior to deployment it'll cost about $60,000 (the price of two new SUV's, or about what it costs to install new carpeting in the Secretary of Defense's office). Now, the Army paid to send them to Wisconsin, but won't pay for them to go home prior to deployment. So, the soldiers' families have to come up with the money.

By April 15th - or about 12 days from now.

$60,000.

They found this out, oh, about a week ago.

So far, they've managed to raise about $5000.

So, let's review, shall we? These guys have been away from home for a couple months already, they're leaving for a year long deployment in the hot zone starting next month. Some of them will not come back alive (I don't know this for certain, of course, despite all evidence to the contrary maybe they'll be the lucky unit). And neither the state nor the Pentagon will spring to get them home for one last night with their families - because, hey, that might mean that the Joint Chiefs and the Generals, or the Secretary of Defense, or the Defense Contractors, or the rest of the assholes who gush empty platitudes such as "people are our number one priority, oooh fucking RAH!" won't get a new Espresso machine or an F-22 Stealth Fighter static display in front of their main gate, or the parking lot repainted or some other such high priority pet project. The troops have to raise the money themselves, otherwise they'll get confined to base for their final pre-deployment leave.

And where exactly are the Yellow Ribbon Patriots in all of this? Is the money they spent on those gaudy stickers getting the 450 members of the Kentucky National Guard Home? Are the YRP's out in force, raising pluperfect hell, demanding that the the State and the Federal government do the right thing? Are they gathering in Masonic lodges, and school gymnasiums, and libraries, and meeting halls across the nation and writing letters to their state government? Are they calling their congressmen and demanding that the White House do the right thing? Are they out in force raising money the way their grandparents did in WWII?

Oh fuck no, the Yellow Ribbon Patriots are not doing those silly things. They've done something a whole lot more effective. They've sent $2.95 to the Patriotic Superstore, and invested a whole fifteen seconds of their time to put those magnets on their cars. Yeah, they've done their duty by the troops. Guilt free patriotism - as long as it doesn't, you know, actually mar the paint.

And it's not just the Kentucky National Guard, this kind bullshit has been going on for years. Congress and the White House (including those who wish to sit in the White House) and the DoD and Patriots are all out there, milking the patriotic tit for all it's worth. The defense industry is getting rich. The Patriotic Superstore is raking in the dough (and don't try to tell me they're not, take a look at their paid placement on Google, you do the math). Yellow Ribbon Patriots all.

"We support the troops."

Yeah, forgive me if the gesture I give when passing a Yellow Ribbon Patriot on the highway has about four less fingers in it than the patriotic wave they were expecting.

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Update: Eric asked in the comments section if there was a fund set up to help these guys - they're the 201st Engineering Battalion, Kentucky National Guard by the way. The answer is yes, there is a fund.

If you would like to make donations, contact:

Sandy Childers 606-325-8787

Or send donations to:
United Way of NE Kentucky Inc.
PO Box 2063
Ashland, KY, 41105-2063

Make checks payable to: "UWNEK"
In the memo field put: "Family and Friends of 201st En. Bn."

NOTE: I am not asking anyone to donate. I am not attempting to guilt anyone into donating. I simply put the information up here as a public service. If you do, or do not donate I don't want to know - that's your business.

29 comments:

  1. One of the things that clinched my support for Obama is that he called people on the bullshit form of patriotism that lapel pin wearing is.

    BTW, I really enjoyed your original version that showed up on my RSS feed, I've been eagerly waiting for the revised and expanded version.

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  2. Good points, all.

    If you really support the troops, get off your ass and support S.22.

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  3. Thanks, Jim - very helpful to be notified sometimes of stuff that needs support (as well as to appreciate the righteous ire).

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  4. Tania, yeah, that was an accident. My hands don't work so good some mornings, can't feel much in the left one today, and I accidentally hit something that published the first paragraph of the rough draft.

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  5. Christ on a pogo stick what the fuck is WRONG with the US?

    Every time I think I couldn't despise the Bush administration any fucking more than I already do, I read shit like this.

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  6. Well, as much as I agree with you, Michelle, it's not just the White House here.

    First and foremost - a real commanding officer would make damned sure those troops got home. By hook or crook. He'd call in favors and get school buses from Kentucky. He'd call his buddies in industry and get corporate sponsorship. He'd call the governor and demand that the State stand by it's militia. He'd get on TV, risking his own career, if that's what it took. He'd mount up his forces and drive the hell home. Whatever. Either you're the kind of Commanding Office who does what it takes, or you're not. This is a pretty good indicator of the type of leadership these people can expect once they're in country - and that pretty much guarantee that some of them will be coming home in a box. I can tell just from the situation that they'll be ill trained and ill equipped, just from the type of care they're getting from their chain of command. And if it's rotten at the top, it's rotten all the way to the bottom.

    Second, the Governor. Patriot Act or no, Constitutionally these people report directly to the Governor. They are his responsibility. Governor Steve Beshear needs to stand the hell up and make it happen. Period. Either by finding the funds in his state coffer, or by extracting - by whatever means - necessary the money from the Federal Government. Period. If it can't be done - then he needs to directly command a halt to the deployment. Again, these people are his responsibility. He needs to call the White House and tell the Dipshit in Chief "No Kentucky troops, fuck you."

    Third, the Pentagon and by extension the DoD and Congress. There's money, there's plenty of money. There's a 168 Billion in 'Economic Stimulus', there's millions spent for Congressional hearings to determine if pro-ball players are taking steroids, there's millions used to maintain golf courses on nearly every military base in the country (including the ones at Andrews AFB and Fort Meade where Congress and the President golf), hell there's plenty of money to pay gardeners to maintain the flower beds around Admiral's Row on Pearl Harbor Navy Base. So you know what? There's plenty of money to pay to get these guys home.


    Fourth, the amount of money people spend on these stickers in just the state of Kentucky alone would get these people home.

    And that, Michelle, is what is really pissing me off here.

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  7. I've always been uncomfortable with those yellow ribbons, and that was before I started dating a Navy man. I've always thought those stickers were just a token. It just doesn't seem like enough. Not that I think most of the people that have them aren't sincere. I do. I'm just not sure they know what's really going on.

    I used to live in College Station, TX, which has an inordinate amount of archconservatives. I worked for family of them. I would see them wave their flags, and discuss the merits of military action. They'd watch hours of Fox news, and endlessly hash over the details of every story. We would always get into arguments because I always thought the war was deeply flawed and a bad idea. What was funny was they would always be sure to thank any soldiers that came though, but when it came time to actually do something, they could not be found. My old art teacher's grandson was deployed in Iraq. I started writing him at her behest. I sent letters full of celebrity news because I didn't want to depress him with anything relevant. I sent care packages. I did what I could to make it better. I didn't know this man from Adam, but it was important to me to support someone fighting in my name even when I thought the cause was silly. I never saw them do anything tangible for anyone stationed overseas.

    Heck, they did the same thing when I was dating my husband. Every time he'd come to visit, they'd thank him for his service, but when I was getting together a care package or writing yet another letter, they just weren't interested. It's easier to talk about something than to do something about it.

    I feel for anyone in the national guard stationed anywhere. Those folks have been used horribly. While my husband has a shitty schedule, he still gets plenty of perks for serving in war zones, and he's never really in any danger. (There are upsides to marrying a nuke. His biggest danger is not getting enough sun.) There are thousands of soldiers fighting in ugly conditions that are not getting the pay and benefits they should be. It's a huge mess, and I'm not sure anyone really has any concept outside of the service how how our troops are being used. I'm not sure anyone outside of the service is really interested in fixing it.

    One thing I am sure of. A sticker is not going to really help.

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    Replies
    1. Let's bring back the draft. But this time let there be no loopholes like getting married (didn't have that in WWII), going to college or to take a masters/doctorate, or worse of all having a wart in the butt just like mealy mouth radio trashtalker R.L. that qualified him for medical exemption.


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    2. Let's bring back the draft. But this time let's really be serious about it. No exemptions due to marriage (didn't have that in WWII), going to college or other higher studies or worse of all having a wart in the butt that qualified a certain radio trash talker for medical exemption.

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  8. OK, add the this the fact that this company is run by fucking hypocrites.

    On their "Flag Etiquette" page, you'll find the following:

    # The flag should never be fastened, displayed, used, or stored in such a way that would allow it to be easily torn, soiled, or damaged.

    # The flag should never have any mark, insignia, letter, work, or other designs of any kind placed upon it.

    Yeah, so a flag on your back bumper isn't ever likely to get soiled or anything. And those 9/11 flags sure have letters and other designs on them.

    Morons.

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  9. Hey, as long as you're making a little coin, it's all good, right?

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  10. And this is the kind of thing--those stupid fucking stickers and all that flag-pin bullshit--that's the reason I've long agreed with the late, great Ambrose Bierce:

    PATRIOT, n.
    One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.

    PATRIOTISM, n.
    Combustible rubbish read to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
    In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.


    I don't know if this makes any sense, but in a way I sort of consider patriotism to be antithetical to being an American. I don't know if that makes any sense--I love my country, for all its frustrating flaws, and I even like my country's flag a whole helluva lot. But label that "patriotism" and I start getting the screaming heebie-jeebies. There's something... I'm not trying to invoke Godwin's law, but there's something nazisitic about a lot of what gets called "patriotic" these days.

    When I was admitted to the bar, I took an oath/affirmation to uphold the Constitution of the United States and of the State of North Carolina, and I was damn proud to do it. I'd do it again right now if you asked me to. But I stopped saying the Pledge Of Allegiance in junior high school and I don't think I'd say it again if you held a loaded pistol to my head. (I'm not trying to sound brave, who knows what I'd actually do with a gun in my face; then again, we all have to die sometime....)

    Perhaps more importantly: Jim, do you know if anyone is passing a hat around for those folks?

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  11. But wait there's more. Check out www.yellowribbonexpress.com. A former Railroader and Army Master Seargent pin wearin fundraiser who is grabbing corporate sponsorship to the tune of $50 Million to put a steam train on the tracks for three years to "Celebrate 320years of Military History". Ok his projection is to pull some $100 Million for a fund for injured returning vets but please. That projection is Pie in the Sky. What this boils down to is exploiting patriotism to put a big old toy on commercial rail tracks, put up a big yellow ribbon in 150 cities for the next three years and maybe have a little money left over after converting the former steam train into a Deisel, live out a boyhood fantasy and drop a coulpe of crumbs on the boys who lost an arm or half a face. OK I do pass the donation boxes for "the troops" and count the cans of SPAM, beanie babies and chocolate bars and shake my head wondering if the donors have ever been in 117 degree heat with limited contaminated water, worn out socks in oversized boots, with faulty equipment and the few worn out t-shirts that you were issued some 3 - 6 months ago. I surprised them all with packages of socks, T-shirts, water purification kits, salt tablets and Gatorade gel at one donation site only to hear a lovely blue haired volunteer ask me what the troops could possibly need with things like that. Well we all have to make sacrifices though don't we?

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  12. Jim, thanks for the clarification. Not that I needed to be mad at more people.

    Nathan, don't EVEN get me started on how these jackasses treat the flag.

    Flag stickers? Against the regulations.
    Flag t-shirts? Against the regulations.
    Leaving a flag out in the rain? Against the regulations.
    Leaving a flag out all night without a spotlight? Against the regulations.
    Flag stamps? Against the regulations.
    Raggedy ass flags hanging out a far window? Against the regulations.

    These jackoffs who wave the flag around like it covers them in patriotism don't know shit, and are usually breaking multiple flag rules with their dumbass put-flags-on-everything-because-it-makes me-look-like-a-good-Republican attitudes make me REALLY mad.

    I have a flag and we put it up on holidays, and when we take it down we fold it carefully, and when we put the flag up and take it down and fold it I think about what it means.

    This people don't think about shit except their next fucking latte and how to get out of paying their fucking taxes.

    (deep breath)

    I think I need to go pet the kitties now.

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  13. To eric:
    It's amazing to me how many people confuse patriotism with nationalism. They're two totally different things.

    To beastly:
    I remember my friend Nathan complaining mostly about the smell. It seems a basement full of Marines that haven't had a shower in a month has a certain "odor". My response was to hit up a friend who ran a BBQ restaurant. I got two hundred of the individually wrapped moist towelettes for a care package I was putting together. I figured they wouldn't dry out like the bulk boxes, he could keep a few easily in one of his pockets, and he could share them with friends. It seems silly, but I'm sure he and the others felt better being a little cleaner.

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  14. Eric, well, I'm going to give you a pass on Godwin's Law today - the Nazis were all kinds of flag waving patriotic patriots, so I think the comparison fits here.

    As to helping:

    From www.cnn.com/robin (morning express with Robin Meade)

    • How to help:
    If you would like to make donations, contact:
    Sandy Childers 606-325-8787

    Send donations to:
    United Way of NE Kentucky Inc.
    PO Box 2063
    Ashland, KY, 41105-2063

    Make checks payable to: UWNEK
    In the memo, put: Family and Friends of 201st En. Bn.


    Normally I'd be wary of donating to this type of thing because I always wonder about accountability - but in this case they are going through the United Way. So, I'd consider the donation process legit.

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  15. Amyzon, believe me when I tell you that all of us over there in the desert deeply appreciated those wetnap packages. That and the endless supply of Girl Scout cookies ;)

    Hell, you know what I liked the best - letters from third graders. We'd get boxes of them once a month or so. Except for the one that said something like "kill a bunch of ragheads for me!" with a picture of burning buildings in black crayon - that one was more than a little disturbing.

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  16. Michelle,

    Actually, they're not rules, they're guidelines. And I'm happy with that. If someone wants to burn a flag or whatever, I really don't want a law against that.

    But when someone spouts their own patriotism and can't live by guidelines, FUCK THEM!

    Jim, I hope I've helped your Cuss-O-Meter.

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  17. The damn thing is not even twitching. Fucking meter must be busted.

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  18. Nathan,

    FWIW I *STRONGLY* support flag burning as a political message.

    My point is simply that these people claim to be patriotic but can't even treat the flag with respect.

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  19. Thank you for the updated info Jim. Posting it is a public service.

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  20. What may be even worse about those asstards who claim to be patriotic and flaunt it with their bumper stickers and such is (not to sound like a broken record) that that's what leads to them being dupes and tools, as Bierce wrote.

    Hell, not to get off topic, but it's the same damn thing as my region's obsession with the Confederate battle flag. The people who blazon that all over their pickups and t-shirts are, by and large, from the same socioeconomic class that was butchered while their "betters" paraded on ponies or (worse yet) sat back in their rockers in Charleston and Atlanta and read about it.

    What we see today is hardly different: people who couldn't name three rights guaranteed by the Constitution get incensed by someone burning a flag or not wearing a flag on his lapel, and then they vote for the flag-draped patriots who send their children off to war without a plan and without materiel. Flag-draped patriots from Mayflower families, mostly, some with old money and some with new; flag-draped patriots armed to the teeth with pride and vanity and a seemingly-complete ignorance of world history who (in truth) are focused on little more than which party will have a majority of congressional districts next election cycle.

    But you wave a flag, and some people will charge. And if you try to fall back on reason and law and the tradition of political cynicism that was the Founding Fathers' redeeming grace--their fear and loathing of mobs and parties and the corrupting influence of power--fall back on those things, and there are plenty who would call you a traitor to your face. Because, where's your yellow ribbon, where's your flag lapel, where's your red-white-and-blue bumper sticker?

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  21. Eric, you make me laugh.

    In a sad, pathetic, "what is our country coming to?" sort of way.

    It fucking amazes me how many people who claim to be "patriots" have never even read the Constitution. Or the Federalist Papers. Or the Declaration of Independence. Or the Writings of Thomas Paine. Or couldn't pass a third grades civics test.

    Depressing!

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  22. Er... I haven't read all the Federalist papers or Thomas Paine.

    Sorry.

    I'll try to do better next time.

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  23. Because I personally agree with this whole rant, I knew I had seen something similar before, but on the back of a truck. After a bit of research I found it. This site has stickers with various messages, but always with the tagline "This sticker bought them body armor".

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  24. Michelle K. So far as I know, you haven't claimed to be a "Patriot" either - so it's OK, we still love ya :)

    Honestly though, should you get a chance, take a look at the Federal Papers (they can be downloaded from a number of sites, including the Library of Congress). They're fascinating and provide tremendous insight into the ideals of the founding fathers.

    I think what Janiece was getting at was that many of those who beat their chest over the Constitution, have never actually read it, including many of our elected leaders. If they had, and had understood it - and the Federalist papers and the writings of Thomas Paine, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, and the others who framed the Constitution give a very clear indication of what they intended - then we never would have been saddled with the Patriot Act or those members of Congress who keep claiming that this is solely a 'Christian Nation.'

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  25. Anne, thanks I had not seen these.

    Interesting, I think I may actually order one.

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  26. They don't even beat their chests over the Constitution, is the thing--it's all about the flag and their mythological alternate history of the founding of the nation.

    They'll get their underwear bunched up over who's wearing what kind of lapel pin and what book someone's hand was resting on when they officially entered Congress; nary a word about what the Constitution says about freedom of speech or religious tests, unless it's to repeat some Liberty University drivel that flies in the face of literacy and/or history. The ones who actually do beat their chests over the Constitution are frequently mocked or marginalized or (if they have the misfortune of working for the government) fired.

    _______

    Anne, those stickers are pretty cool.

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  27. Eric, well yeah - that's actually what I meant, mostly. However, I have found that many who claim knowledge of the Constitution actually have never read it. When I ask them to repeat the first paragraph - they inevitably misquote the Declaration of Independence. In fact I find many don't know that the Constitution and the Declaration are in fact two separate documents. I also find that many folks seem to think that the Declaration forms some sort legal basis in this country.

    I think it's a sad commentary when a frothing at the mouth Patriot can't describe accurately the document which forms the basis for his nation - BUT can name the last Ten Heisman Trophy winners and Dale Ernhardt's hat size.

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