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Thursday, June 4, 2009

Stonekettle Station’s List of Underrated Scifi Movies

or

Are You Not Entertained? Are You Not ENTERTAINED?!

This week’s Science Fiction post is about underrated movies.

Now I’m not talking about those big budget disasters – the massively overrated and overhyped catastrophes that became the butt of jokes and failed miserably at the box office, but in reality were actually fairly decent flicks and did a respectable, if not spectacular, bit of business, say like Waterworld, which is actually an entertaining picture and asked the important question: What if Mad Max and The Little Mermaid got together and had a Peter Fonda biker movie?

And I’m not talking about those shoestring-budget movies from the 70’s that are so bad they’re not even worth ridiculing on Mystery Science Theater but had decent actors and a serviceable plot and you watch them anyway when there’s nothing else on at 2AM, say, oh, like Where Have All the People Gone?

And I’m sure as hell not talking about obscure foreign art films that are supposed to be highbrow, and are really just incomprehensible pieces of moldy shit, but still do respectable business because pseudo intellectuals will see them anyway just so they can pretend superiority over others by saying “Well, if you don’t get it, sniff, I can’t explain it,” like Eden Log (seriously, I hate art pictures to begin with, but if you’re going to do it to scifi, at least do something like The Fountain).

No, I’m talking about those science fiction movies that were made for respectable if not spectacular budgets, lasted only a week or so in the theater (if that) and were panned by critics (who, now, usually claim that in retrospect they really like the picture) and yet are actually pretty damned good movies. Reasonable special effects, reasonably decent acting, reasonably interesting ideas, reasonably entertaining. In other words, movies you enjoy watching and are willing to suspend your disbelief for.

I’m talking about movies like these:

- Outlander: It’s highly likely that you’ve never heard of this movie, I sure hadn’t until we found it floating in the bargain bin. The concept is simple, a castaway from a highly advanced star-spanning civilization crashes on earth – in 709 B.C. and ends up leading Vikings against terrifying monsters that he, the Outlander, accidently brought with him. It doesn’t take you long to realize that the movie is telling the story of Beowulf and the Grendel – the greatest of the heroic Scandinavian sagas – and doing a pretty decent job of it too. Starring James Caviezel, it’s the story of a warrior hero and a terrible monster who might just be a mother defending her child and avenging her people. If you are familiar with the heroic tale of Beowulf and the Herot Hall, then the movie is quite predictable, and that’s a good thing – I heard the story of Beowulf told by an authentic Icelandic Skeld (storyteller) in the Reykjavik city library and I was glad the director of Outlander stuck faithfully to the storyline. Despite several glaring plot holes, I really enjoyed this picture and thought about it for several days. I love the concept, the script is pretty good and so is the acting, the special effects weren’t quite up to the concept but not terribly bad either, and the monster is freakin’ awesome.

- Next: Frank Cadillac, A second rate Vegas magician, performs a nightclub act pretending to be able to see the future. Just one thing, it’s not an act, he really can see into the future – two minutes into the future to be precise. Far enough to change things. He mostly pisses his gift away, deliberately making people think his talent is only an act, and not a particularly good one either. Then he meets an extraordinary girl. A girl he’s dreamed about his whole life, and the only thing he’s ever been able to see at more than two minute into his future. But the government wants his talent to track down terrorists, trying to evade the FBI rapidly becomes a complex web of rapidly changing futures even Frank Cadillac can’t see his way out of. Nick Cage makes either giant block busters or obscure little movies nobody ever hears of. This is something in the middle. I think the ending is a bit of a cheat, but not completely, and it’s definitely worth watching. And, oh yeah, it’s got Jessica Biel in it too, so it would be worth watching even with the sound turned off.

- Jumper: A young outcast discovers that he can teleport - literally move instantaneously through space to any place he can visualize. He leaves an abusive life he hates behind, and travels the world, stealing what he needs (he can pop into and out of any bank vault), carefree - alone. Then one day he discovers three things: there are others like him, there are those who know his secret and would kill him for it, and there are those who care about him. I thought it suffered a bit from a lack of humor and Hayden Christensen, it’s a little predictable in places, and it’s full of plot holes, but Jumper is certainly entertaining.

- Reign of Fire: Seriously, dragons of legend fighting modern attack helicopters. What’s not to like? It’s an utterly ridiculous story, which the director knows and for which he does not apologize, and a complete blast (literally). And the dragons were friggin’ cool.

- Dark City: This move is often compared to The Matrix. I don’t see it, other than a passing similarity in concept, i.e. Reality isn’t necessarily what you think it is. This is a dark, strange story, with an almost noir feeling to it. The people are damaged, the aliens are alien, and we ourselves may be nothing but an illusion created from our own memories. And there isn’t a happy ending waiting. I loved this flick.

- The Thirteenth Floor: The Wachowski brothers owe a tip of the hat to this one too. Like Dark City, and the Matrix, this is a movie about people who live in an illusionary reality without knowing it. It’s a cool story with excellent acting, and pretty decent effects. The end is predictable, if you’ve been paying attention, but that doesn’t detract from enjoyment of the film.

- Babylon A.D: I’ve said it elsewhere, I’ll say it here, Babylon A.D. is everything Children of Men should have been and wasn’t. For starters, it’s entertaining. It moves along at high speed, it’s got interesting characters and interesting scenery and Vin Diesel. Go see Dr. Phil’s review of this movie, he and I are on the same sheet of music with this one.

- The Rocketeer: This is one of my favorite movies of all time. I love this flick, I love everything about it, and I wish they’d make more like it. It’s a pure Saturday morning matinee movie and it’s got everything: Great looking guys, beautiful girls, music, rockets packs, damsels in distress, Nazis, zeppelins, GB racers, car chases, shootouts and Howard Hughes. This is a friggin’ great movie, and one of Timothy Dalton’s best roles ever.

- Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow: I used to love black and white science fiction comics, what are nowadays called graphic novels, especially the ones from the 40’s and 50’s where everybody smoked and wore fedoras. Sky Captain reminds me of those. I enjoyed the hell out of it, I enjoyed the characters, I enjoyed the 1930’s art deco designs, and I especially enjoyed the feel of the movie. You’ve got to see it on the big screen, or at least on a big screen plasma, or you lose something. It’s not for everybody, but it sure worked for the kid in me who wishes he still had those old black and white comics.

- Eagle Eye: A movie that tried to be a cautionary tale about pervasive surveillance, but mostly ended up being 90 minutes of Shia LaBeouf being Shia LaBeouf. If you haven’t figured who’s pulling the strings in about the first twenty minutes, well, maybe Transformers is more your speed. Still, it’ll keep you entertained and it has certainly got its moments.

Personally, I think we need more movies like these. Middling budget flicks that explore the strange worlds of science fiction without breaking the bank. Not every movie needs to be a block buster to be entertaining, or interesting, or good.

How about you, what Scifi or Fantasy movies do you think got short shrift from critics and audiences?

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Pat Buchanan, Double Plus Ungood

 

Doublethink: The power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them. To tell deliberate lies while genuinely believing in them, to forget any fact that has become inconvenient, and then, when it becomes necessary again, to draw it back from oblivion for just so long as it is needed, to deny the existence of objective reality and all the while to take account of the reality which one denies — all this is indispensably necessary. Even in using the word doublethink it is necessary to exercise doublethink. For by using the word one admits that one is tampering with reality; by a fresh act of doublethink one erases this knowledge; and so on indefinitely, with the lie always one leap ahead of the truth.

- 1984, George Orwell

 

In his novel, Nineteen Eighty-Four, Orwell described doublethink as a form of controlled insanity.  He defined it as a form of deliberate hypocrisy, the willful intellectual blindness to contradiction in a belief system.  However, doublethink differs from ordinary hypocrisy in that for a person to engage in doublethink he or she must first deliberately forget the that there is a contradiction at all – and then deliberately forget that he has forgotten the contradiction. He then has to forget the forgetting, and then forget that he forgot that, and so on. Once begun, doublethink must continue forever or else the practitioner faces a complete collapse of his worldview – hence, controlled insanity.

By definition, doublethink is a form of extraordinary hypocrisy.

 

Don’t you love it when bigots explain why they are the victims of bigotry?

Don’t you love it when haters protest when they perceive that others hate them?

Don’t you love it when the fearful rail against those that they think might fear them?

I find it an amusing travesty when privileged old white rich Christian men who have done absolutely nothing for their entire lives but scream hatred, bigotry, and intolerance get that whiny put-upon tone in their voices like hurt little children and then go on to rant about why (pick one) Jews, Muslims, atheists, women, gays, black and brown and yellow and red skinned people, immigrants, liberals, and so on and so forth are stickin’ it to those self same old men.

I find it utterly hysterical when privileged old white rich Christian men who deplore things like affirmative action and engender minorities to suck it up, suddenly start screaming that they themselves aren’t being given a fair shake and they demand the government give them their rightful due.

The pure distilled extraordinary hypocrisy of these people never ceases to amaze me.

And Pat Buchanan is their king.

I swear, I can’t hardly watch Buchanan talk without wanting to punch him in square in his foul sanctimonious mouth (just for the record, there is nothing hypocritical in this urge, I never claimed to a shining example of Christianity in the first place). This guy truly epitomizes everything I despise about hard-line conservatives and Christianity. 

Now don’t get all spun up here. I don’t hate Christianity in general or Christians in particular. But I do detest hypocrisy, and I’m pretty sure the bible has something to say about hypocrites - and in fact the bible has a great deal to say about hypocrisy, and is very specific about it, and nobody in the bible condemns hypocrisy more than Jesus himself – check out Matthew Chapter 6, verse 2 for example. And again, in point of fact, the bible condemns hypocrisy a great deal more, and a great deal more specifically,  than it ever does homosexuality. Which makes me wonder why Christians such as Buchanan aren’t waging war against that, since by volume of biblical emphasis God hate hypocrites a hell of a lot more than homos.

But I digress.

I do utterly despise those so-called Christians, like the Evangelicals and members of the Traditional Roman Catholicism Movement (of which Buchanan is a vocal member), who have managed to turn their prophet’s message of peace, love, and acceptance into hate, fear, and intolerance.  These people are looking for something to hate, Christianity just gives them the excuse – providing, of course, that they engage in doublethink, i.e. specifically ignore the tenets of their belief system that specifically condemn how they think.

The following video is a compilation of clips taken from various news sources and interviews, with Buchanan expounding on why President Obama’s nomination of Judge Sonia Sotomayer for the Supreme Court bench is blatant discrimination against white men. 

It hard to tell which minority he hates more, women or Latinos or non-English speakers. Note in particular, 1 minute and 15 seconds into the clip where Buchanan states clearly and in no uncertain terms that white men are the most persecuted minority in America today.

White men.

Yeah.

And he’s afraid that if a Latina like Sotomayer is put on the bench, this rampant discrimination will expand exponentially.

Let’s review a picture of the current Supreme Court, shall we?

 image

Of the nine Supreme Court Justices, seven are white men, one is a black man, one is a white women.  Two of them are Jews and seven of them are Christians – and five of those are Catholics.  If Sotomayer is confirmed, six of them will be Catholics – though we’ll have one less male on the Court.

Holy Hell! Hardly an old white male Christian face to be seen! Hardly a Catholic in sight!

It’s discrimination. Clearly the the court is stacked against old white Christian men.

There’s that Christian Conservative math again, seven out of nine is a minority.  I know that’s hard to wrap your head around, but it’s real similar to how the Earth is only 6,000 years old and all the animals, including dinosaurs, fit on the Ark. Doublethink, just accept it and forget that you ever had an issue with it to begin with.

See, this takes us right back to my previous post on the Conservative assertion that Liberalism is a mental illness; Buchanan epitomizes this type of conservative thinking, this Orwellian doublethink.  Up is down. Black is white. Wrong is right.  War is peace.  Hate is love. Injustice is justice.

Bah.

I guess that’s why I’m not a Christian Conservative, doublethink makes my head hurt.

I’ll tell you what is not doublethink though, the fact that Pat Buchanan is a bigoted, hypocritical asshole.


There is some additional fine commentary on this very subject by the talented and witty writer John Rogers over on Kung Fu Monkey. Please, go check it out.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The Elephant.

With the declaration of bankruptcy by General Motors on Monday, and the Fed’s takeover, Americans now own 60% of the giant US car manufacturer.

Or rather the US Government owns 60% of GM.

Predictably, a large number of pundits are losing their minds over this move by the Obama Administration. Our old friend, House Minority Leader John Boehner said yesterday:

Does anyone really believe that politicians and bureaucrats in Washington can successfully steer a multinational corporation to economic viability? *

The the answer, Representative Boehner, is a resounding Yes.

Absolutely.

See, with the government restructuring of General Motors we get the best of both worlds, US Government Management and Organized Labor efficiency.

Wars have been won with less than that.

The new General Motors is expected to emerge from bankruptcy leaner and meaner and with a revitalized sense of mission and purpose.

A company spokesman, speaking from the new GM headquarters in Langley, Virginia said, “We’re determined not to make the same mistakes as previous management, we’re going to capitalize on what we’ve learned from 60 years of running the military/industrial complex to bring GM into the 20th Century.”

This morning, the reenergized company unveiled their plan for an Americanized version of a small, highly efficient, reliable and affordable vehicle similar in concept to the European built Smartcar:

image

Government planners have described the vehicle as a melding of concepts from a number of large scale defense contractors. According to government officials, the car will have the extended range, comfort, and affordability in a package that Americans prefer.

Tentatively called “The Mouse**,” the new compact vehicle will be built to US government specifications and is expected to look something like the concept picture below:

image

Utilizing advanced Area-51 Alien Technologies and powered by a combination of Hybrid engineering including the new “Budweiser hydrogen and Beef Brat Battery Electric Methane Internal Combustion Solar Fuel Cell” the vehicle is expected to get roughly 9 miles per sixer of Bud Lite, and 12 miles on Miller High Life (there are no plans at the moment for it to run on imported beer, though makers don’t rule out the possibility of bio-diesel made from “corn squeezins” and human waste). Like its European counterpart, the Mouse will seat two, plus a sack of Extra Bacon And Half A Side of Beef Coleslaw Icecream Burgers from Carl’s Jr.

The Mouse is expected to be in dealerships in late 2009 early 2010 2015 soon.

Price is expected to be steep, though it will be possible to defer payments to future generations.


* Does anyone really believe that politicians and bureaucrats in Washington can successfully steer a multinational corporation to economic viability? Real vote of confidence there, Representative Boehner. Which sparks the question, if they can’t, why the fuck should they be running the country? I know. It’s a rhetorical question anyway, don’t bother to answer.

** Yes, yes. You got me. The entire post was a shaggy dog retelling of the old adage: An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications. Seriously, you people know me. You read the title. You should have seen this coming.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Migration Heads Up (Updated) (Updated Again!)

Updates at the end of the post. Stonekettle Station has moved!

Please leave a comment under this post, so that I know the changes and redirection are working.

Thanks//Jim

_________________________________________________________
I own the stonekettlestation internet domain and its several variations.

Over the next couple of days I'll be (hopefully) migrating this blog from the Blogspot domain to its own Stonekettle Station domain.

It's entirely possible this process will go off without a hitch.

Possible, but unlikely, because as you know - the universe likes to screw with me.

Once the blog is rehosted, you should be automatically redirected from the original stonekettlestation.blogspot.com to the new site, and then you can update your bookmarks and such.

I'll let you know before it happens.

I expect to make the switch either late Monday or first thing Tuesday morning.

Thanks for your patience while we undergo these fabulous new renovations in order to serve you better and blah blah blah.

You have been warned.
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Update
Below:
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False Alarm. Everybody calm down. No need to panic.

Seriously everybody take a deep breath.

Christ, I even mention moving Stonekettle Station and the stock market takes a dive, GM files for bankruptcy, there's panic on the switchboard and chaos in the streets.

Fine. Fine. Fine.

I'm not moving. There are issues and it's more work than I have time for at the moment.

So, you do have time to prepare yourselves. Please do so. So that we might make this transition in the future without further undo panic and social disorder.

However, I am making a few small changes here and there on teh Internets.

For example: If you type www.stonekettlestation.com into your browser's URL address line, you'll be seamlessly redirected here to stonekettlestation.blogspot.com. Cool huh? I made that change world wide, this morning. All the major routers are onboard with it (Note: I do not believe that this is the direct cause of GM going tits up, however even if it is, sacrifices have to be made in the name of progress. I can't be concerned about every little company out there).

Anyway, you may notice subtle changes to your reality. All is well, do not panic.
________________________________________________________________

Update X2
Below:
________________________________________________________________

Ok, I lied.

I moved. You didn't even notice, did you?

Stonekettle Station's new permanent URL is www.stonekettle.com

Please update your bookmarks and linkage as necessary.

NOTE HOWEVER, that the original blogger URL, stonekettlestation.blogspot.com will continue to work (duh, obviously, since you're here).

ALSO NOTE: since www.StonekettleStation.com also belongs to me, it will redirect to www.stonekettle.com until I find something else to do with it.

ALSO NOTE, the linking and redirecting and various internettry is still shaking out, don't be surprised if there's a little weirdness for a day or so.

I'm done making changes for the moment, frankly I'm tired of monkeying around with computer crap today. In addition to moving Stonekettle Station to it's new domain, I installed a new router and wireless access point - which required that every wireless device in the house (and there's a lot) be reconfigured to the new encryption and access point. Which in turn meant that the stupid server wouldn't accept any of the other machines as fully privileged peers because it no longer recognized their connections. It was a firewall issue, which has now been reprogrammed to recognize MAC addresses rather than the original static IP addresses from the local network. Why did I use static IP addressing originally? Well, because I used to have two different network print-server adapters that would only use static addressing (hey, they were old, what do you want?), and additionally I used static IP addressing to record a log from the nannyware and parental controls installed on my son's computer. Static IP addressing made that much easier to manage. Additionally static IP addressing made my network more secure, the wireless access point was set to only accept specific static IPs and reject all others. Yes, it's more work to set up, but when I first set up the network I was living in Southern California, where wardriving is a sport - and so is connecting to your neighbor's WAP and downloading kiddie porn.

The old print servers have long since been removed from the network, I no longer live in Socal (thankfully), and I don't need the nannyware anymore. But I never updated the router or firewalls or yadda yadda because it worked the way it was.

Until I swapped out routers. Then nothing worked. Blast!

It's all fixed now.

I got extended wireless range that works out to the shop. I've got the latest encryption. And I've got significantly improved wireless throughput. In addition, according to the Dali Lama, when I die I'll have enternal happiness - you, you know, I've got that going for me.

And because I know you were all curious, the Playstation 3 is now wirelessly connected to the new access point. Firmware updates are completed. It appears in the network map - and my son can now compete against his friends in Gears of War. Yay.

I am sick of computers.

I'm going to go make sawdust for a while.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Liberalism, Conservatism, and Insanity

Or

That’s The Stupidest Thing I’ve Heard In a Long Time

- even in the bastion of Neocon central, i.e. South Central Palinville, Alaska.


Saw this in Wasilla yesterday:

image

* Note: Clicking on the picture will take you to Jarbina.com where you can purchase a T-shirt with this phrase for $17.50. (Also note: the T-shirts are tight and form fitting, so if you’re built like the typical Neocon they’re going to make you look queer as Ted Haggard in a wet t-shirt man-boob contest. You should probably order a baggy XXXL. Think of the children. Just sayin’)

The bumper-sticker was affixed to the approved neoconmobile, a Ford pickup, complete with rust, a pit bull mix with spiked collar, beer cans, and gun rack – though the weapon in the rack appeared to be a Daisy BB rifle (Seriously, WTF is this? Alaskan Redneck Lite?). The bumper-sticker was prominently placed next to the requisite “Abortion is Murder,” “Marriage = 1 Man + 1 15-year old Cousin” (Ok, it might have said “1 Woman” there was dirt on it and I couldn’t quite make it out), “NObama," “McCain/Palin” and, as required by law in Wasilla, Alaska, the mandatory National Rifle Association sticker. The only thing missing was Jesus and a pregnant under-age local politician’s daughter.

Liberalism is a mental illness.

This phrase, of course, comes from the title of a book by ultra conservative font of verbal vomitus and host of radio talk show The Savage Nation, Michael Weiner, AKA Michael Savage (apparently conservative test audiences began hyperventilating uncontrollably and secretly visiting Castro Street bath houses when first exposed to The Weiner Nation, hence the nom de guerre). A self proclaimed combination of Plato, Henry Miller, Jack Kerouc, Moses, Jesus (yes, Jesus), and, um, Frankenstein, Weiner is nothing if not humble. The book ended up on the NYTimes Best Seller list, in the top ten no less, which just goes to show you that conservatives will buy books other than the bible and Guns & Ammo, as long as they are bound in vellum made from the warty skin of Charlton Heston’s massive scrotum and printed in bitter black inky tears collected from members of the Michigan Militia.

The book, Liberalism is a Mental Illness, doesn’t explain or provide proof or references from actual mental health experts on why liberals are certifiably nuts, Savage manages to aptly dodge that little burden of proof. Mostly the book is 272 pages of frothy spittle about why gays, the ACLU, feminists, immigrants, lawyers, liberals, the courts, and most especially the Goddamned Muslims should be imprisoned or worse. Sort of like a “bathroom reader”, Liberalism is a “bunker reader,” i.e. something neocons can toss off to in the root cellar by the flickering yellow light of their generators while clutching their AR-15’s in one hand and themselves in the other.

But it makes a catchy phrase, doesn’t it?

Liberalism is a mental illness.

Let’s review shall we?

Generally, liberalism divides basically into two categories, Cultural and Social.

In the US, Cultural Liberalism is a view of society that stresses the freedom of the individual. Generally people that are culturally liberal believe that:

- All religions, including none, should be tolerated, i.e. religious belief is a personal issue – providing that said religion does not infringe on personnel freedom (Liberals might “suffer a witch to live” for example, but not if she sacrifices neighborhood children on a pyre to the Earth Mother. However, liberals aren’t going to let Christians burn witches at the stake or press them into piecrust under large stones either).

- While all religions, including none, should be tolerated, religion itself has no business in government. Period. Religion is between individuals and their God, gods, or other such mojo. Government is an agreement between people, God has nothing to do with it – just the same as with legal contracts which are enforced by law, not the Divine. What’s the phrase? In God we trust, all others pay cash.

- They believe strongly in freedom of expression, and are opposed to censorship. For example, those of us in uniform used to say, “I don’t agree with what you said, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.” That, exactly that.

- They believe that family and marriage and sexual orientation should be left up to individuals and that no lifestyle is inherently better than another, again providing that said lifestyle does not harm individuals or involuntarily restrict personal freedom as defined by the affected individual him or herself.

(Holy crap! That sounds a lot like the, gasp, Constitution!)

Social Liberalism is a view of government that believes strongly in personal freedom, but acknowledges the reality that the majority of citizens cannot fully benefit from an advanced and crowded and expensive society without at least some assistance. That assistance being things like, oh, education, law enforcement, public services and safety, enforcement of human rights, welfare - no not Welfare, but rather that which could include medical, unemployment, retirement, and emergency services of some kind, not always and not all the time and not for “free” and not without restrictions, but there when you need it because if the strong do not help the weak what’s the point of society in the first place?

As a group, liberals tend to believe that:

- peace is better than conflict and that diplomacy is preferred over saber rattling and that national pride is not a reason for going to war.

- we are stewards of the Earth, not its owners, and that wantonly destroying the life-support system without replenishment is a bad idea, especially since it’s the only one we have.

- we have a moral obligation to take care of the less fortunate members of our community, society, and world – even if it means that we have to tax people to do it. Liberals tend to believe strongly that it is immoral for children of the richest nation in the world to starve to death or die from neglect or lack of care. And yes, many liberals believe that it might have been better if some of these kids hadn’t been born, or at least that their mothers should be the ones to make that choice.

- and that, here in America at least, we are capitalists, but like anything else capitalism must be regulated so that a tiny minority doesn’t end up with everything, including goods and power and money and services and education, to the determent of the majority (not that that’s ever happened, mind you. Lately), i.e. we are a civilization, not a mob.

There’s more, of course. Much more. Infinitely more, in infinite variation. But that’ll do in broad outline. And I’m obviously simplifying things drastically. It’s not that cut and dried, it never is. Liberals hardly share a unified vision and social compact, and in point of fact if there’s any group that liberals vehemently disagree with more than conservatives, it’s other liberals – such is the nature of individualism and personal freedom. Exhort people to think freely and differently, and they will.

Now, certainly, some extreme far left Liberals seem to hate the human race and would kill us all to save the bunnies. They are provably a tiny minority. These people are probably insane to some degree of obsessive maladaption.

Some far left Liberals are socialists and/or Marxists – even if they don’t realize it. Some of them believe that all wealth should belong to the state and the state should care for every citizen in equal measure from cradle to grave in some kind of idealized hippy utopian wet-dream. They don’t know or don’t care that wealth can be created, or seem to understand that wealth is not intrinsically evil in and of itself, nor is there anything noble or enlightening about poverty. They seem to think that eliminating wealth will somehow eliminate poverty, when just the opposite is demonstratively true – and in fact history shows repeatedly that when individual wealth is universally redistributed the result is not a universal middle class but rather universal poverty without the concentrated wealth to do anything more than maintain the slowly decaying status quo. These people ignore the lessons of history, specifically that socialism carried to extremes leads directly and inevitably and inexorably and without fail to tyranny and a complete loss of that individual freedom they value so much. These too are a minority. I don’t know that these people are insane per se, but a number of them are clearly deluded and engaged in self deception.

Some less far left Liberals seem to think that if we all just held hands and sang Kumbaya and gave Osama a pony all men would magically become brothers through the miraculous power of rock and roll and we’d all live in an endless Age of Aquarius like a worldwide Burning Man Festival. These people do not understand that no country would survive more than a day past the demise of its military. And they simply cannot seem to grasp that most people are bastard flavored bastards with bastard filling and little bastard sprinkles on top and without the constraints of society they would rapidly shed the thin veneer of civilization and slit your throat for the change in your pocket (What? You don’t believe me? Go visit any country in the current Horn of Africa, or the Congo, or Haiti of five years ago, or Cambodia of 30 years ago, or right here in America in the Watts Riots or Southern lynchings or the witch trials and get back to me. Go on, I’ll wait). These Liberals are also in the minority, some are clearly in need of help, most are just supremely ignorant – and a number are simply stoned and have been since the 60’s.

But the vast, vast majority of liberals are not afflicted with mental illness and I find it more than a little disingenuous and more than a little hypocritical, and more than a little mentally ill, that ultra-conservatives would label liberalism, all liberalism, as a mental defect.

Is desiring peace over war, diplomacy over conflict, life over death, a mental illness?

Or is the belief that killing people will solve your problems a sign of mental health? Shooting doctors to save children, using murder because you didn’t get your way in court, is that rational? Is beating a gay man to death because you believe a supposedly loving Son of God who spoke passionately of peace, love, and tolerance wants you to commit murder, is that sane? How about declaring war on false pretexts, knowing that the pretext is false? How about persisting in the rightness and righteousness of that war, despite having it abjectly demonstrated to you that the justification for it was a lie? How about the complete and total inability to admit error based on blind patriotism or the inability accept criticism or to perform critical and objective self analysis? Last time I checked denial and delusions of grandeur and the willingness to do violence without regard for the law were sure signs of mental illness.

Is the desire to understand others a mental illness?

Or is xenophobia a trait of the mentally stable? How about constant hatred, fear, and paranoia? Hatred of those that are different from you, fear of the unknown, paranoia that everyone is out to get you? How about basing your entire worldview on that hatred, fear, and paranoia? And persisting in that worldview even when it is shown to be abjectly false and utterly wrong – say like the belief that gay marriage somehow harms traditional marriages, despite all evidence to the contrary and in fact cannot be shown to have harmed children or destroyed American values (whatever those are) or in any way whatsoever to have impacted even one traditional marriage in the slightest fashion. And when confronted with this simple fact, actually concoct fictitious anecdotes and fabricated justifications solely in order to persist in this irrational hatred? The mental wards are full of dangerous nuts like this. What about blaming and hating and calling for the extermination of the people of a particular religion, because certain members of their belief system did you harm? Is genocide a sign of sanity? When Hitler and Stalin and Amin and Milosevic did it, we said they were crazy, but when conservatives such as Limbaugh and Coulter and the savage Weiner call for the extermination of Muslims that’s a sign of sanity? Why then not call for the extermination of Christians after Timothy McVeigh committed a heinous act of terrorism against Americans? No, that would be crazy, wouldn’t it?

Is the desire to know the world a mental illness? Is a thirst for understanding a mental illness? What about a belief in those things you can see, feel, and touch? The quest for knowledge? Is that a mental illness?

Or is mental health a belief, without a single shred of evidence, in angels and demons and fairies and invisible beings who live in the sky? Is mental health a denial of hundreds of years of scientific advancement - backed up and reinforced by multiple disciplines and error checking mechanisms – in order to maintain a persistent belief that the Earth is 6,000 years old because a book written by stone-aged sheep herders and translated and edited dozens of times is deemed to be the literal word of God and utterly infallible and utterly without human error and true in every regard despite numerous and glaringly obvious contractions and demonstrably false statements – such as the Earth is flat or that a man could live inside a whale or that two of every kind of animal lived within walking distance of Noah’s house. That is, of course, what sane people do, isn’t it?

Is the desire for personal freedom a form of mental illness? Were our ancestors, those men and women who fought against tyranny, who forged this country, who spoke passionately of law and liberty and justice for all, who wrote the Constitution – were they mad?

Or does the rational mind believe that doing evil is acceptable, as long as you mean well? Is torturing another human being something that sane people do? Is torture something that sane people want their government, or their military, or their nation to do? Are sane people proud when their government tortures humans beings, creates secret prisons, and disappears people? Truly, is that what sane people think? How about the failure to see the contradiction in claiming to be for smaller government, and yet being responsible for the single largest increase in government growth since the founding of the country including a massive new internal secret security apparatus? How about claiming to be fiscally responsible while driving up the single largest debt in history in order to prosecute a war started on false pretext – and then blaming the debt on somebody else? Is that sane? Are denial and shifting the blame and rationalization the marks of sanity?

Is a desire to protect the environment we all live in a form of mentally illness? Is making sure that our children - those same children certain conservatives are willing to kill for - have a world to grow up in a mental illness?

Or is wanton and rapacious consumption of resources without regard for the consequences the viewpoint of a rational and mature civilization? Do rational people go about systematically destroying their food supply and contaminating their drinking water? Do they? Do sane people regard demonstratively limited resources as bottomless and infinite and endless, and do nothing to plan for the future except party like it’s 1999? If an astronaut died because he deliberately fouled his suit, poisoned his air, and shit in his food supply would we say he was sane? But doing the same thing on a global scale is, right?

Is a desire to help others a sign of mental illness? Is it? Is compassion and a sense of justice mental illness?

Or is rationalizing poverty as the just station of the poor and thereby beyond our responsibility the sign of the perfectly functioning mind? Is killing to ensure children are born, and then claiming that you have no further responsibility for them rational? Is waving the flag and marching in parades and beating the ever living shit out of people for not being patriotic enough to suit you, but seeing nothing wrong with letting tens of thousands of Americas go without decent jobs or a living wage or adequate food or shelter or medical coverage or education sane? Is it?

Is a desire to see all citizens equal before society a hallmark of mental illness?

Or Is a fanatical belief that you are superior because of your race or sex or religion or income or station or car or home or looks or job or inheritance or the state you were born in or luck or overblown sense of entitlement make you sane? Does it? Is a sense of smug superiority a trait of sanity? Is a belief that your own shit doesn’t stink, that you can’t make mistakes, that you are marked for destiny, that you are God’s chosen one, and a belief that all others are inferior and consequently get what they deserve because of it – is a God Complex sanity? How about if you believe that you are “Plato, Henry Miller, Jack Kerouc, Moses, Jesus, and Frankenstein all rolled into one – but you’re too afraid to use your own name when you make that claim? Is that sanity?

If Liberalism is a mental illness, then Neo-Conservatism is the bugshit, barking at the moon, lead paint swilling, self mutilating, piss drinking, dirt eating, kidnapped by space aliens, playing with invisible friends, gibbering in the land of de Nile, born again shut in the closet and covered in your own shit, screaming wackaloon of mental disorders.

Liberalism is a mental illness, my ass.

In fact, just the opposite is true: attempting to resolve conflict without resorting to violence, promoting tolerance within broad and reasonable limits, seeking equality for all, protecting the world we live in so that we can go on living in it, and taking care of the weak and the less fortunate are the hallmarks of the mature and the rational and the healthy and the sane mind.

And in point of fact, these very things are the founding principles of nearly every mainstream religion, but most especially Christianity – Jesus was the ultimate Liberal. If you claim to be a Christian and you’re a NeoCon then you are a Goddamned hypocrite.

These are the founding principles of every major conservative service organization, from the Masons, to the Elk’s Lodge, to the Boy Scouts of America.

And these are the founding principles of the United States itself.

Liberalism is what sanity looks like.

No wonder Neocons don’t understand it.

500 Miles

Over on Burlaki on the Thames, Ilya posted a video of The Proclaimers’ version of Roger Miller’s King of the Road.

 

Which, of course, put The Proclaimers earwig in my head.  I’ve had I’m gonna be 500 miles and I’m on my way playing in my brain for two days now.

There’s really only one way to deal with an earwig (well, OK, there is two ways, but I’m opposed to the bleach, power drill, and bent coat hanger method for safety reasons).  With an earwig, the best thing to do is to just fire up the album and get it out of your system*.

So this morning I’m listening to Sunshine on Leith.

Here’s the Scottish duo, Charlie and Craig Reid, better known as The Proclaimers and (I’m gonna be) 500 Miles:

 


* Note: Stonekettle Station does not recommend this earwig suppression method should you be afflicted with an Abba, Dancing Queen earwig – in that case, only the bleach, power drill, and bent coat hanger method has been proven as an effective treatment.

Warning: Do NOT click on the above link. No really. Not even to see insane Swedish people in tights. No, don’t do it! 

 

You fool! You did, didn’t you?

Sigh.

Bleach is under the sink. Grab the jug, come on out to the shop, we’ll use the drill press.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Ear Plugs Please

My son is out of school for the summer.

We bought him a Play Station 3 to replace the aging (and no longer cool) Play Station 2 about month ago.

What do these two events have in common?

He's been bugging me to take him to Gamestop so he can cash in his old PS2, GBA, various games and controllers and whatnot. So, today while he and I were out running errands, I capitulated to his request (which is a nicer way of saying I was sick and tired of his endless nagging, Dad, please please please take me to Gamestop so I cancashin myoldpeeestooooostuff andgetbigmonenyandbuyrockbandsomethingorotherblahblahblah).

You know, in the grand scheme of things, Gamestop is a pretty cool idea. You can turn in games and game boxes and assorted game related stuff and get cash or credit and buy used games and game boxes and assorted game related stuff for pretty decent discounts.

Including RockBand for the PS3.

What is RockBand you ask? This is a big friggin' box of stuff that includes a guitar, drums, and I don't know whatthehellall that plugs into the PS3 along with some software. Basically, near as I can tell, the object is to make as much goddamned noise as possible short of a Titan missile launch complete with main booster malfunction and accompanying explosion.

Once, when I was in bootcamp, I got caught sneaking a smoke when the smoking lamp was out. The Drill Instructor made me light up a non-filtered Camel, assume push-up position with my head and shoulders inside a large metal garbage can, and do 100 push ups while hotboxing the cigarette with the rest of the platoon beating a thunderous cacophany on the outside of the can with various metal objects. My head rang, my eyes watered, and my stomach heaved for hours afterward. I'm fairly certain that the severe degradation of my hearing began on that day.

Rockband Hero for the Playstation 3 is a lot like that experience.

Pity me.

It's going to be a long, long summer.

Rainy Caturday

image

This cat will kill you, but first he needs to take a nap.

Take the time to prepare yourself.

__________________________________________

I'm going to be away from the keyboard for a while today. Sorry about that kids.

There will be a post later about the recent Prop 8 ruling in California. I've got the snark, and I'm not afraid to use it.

In the meantime feel free to play with the cat. Bandaids and Betadine are in the medicine chest in the downstairs bathroom. Have fun. Oh, and keep your guard up, he likes to go for the eyes.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Email

It appears that my personal email system suffered some kind of catastrophic meltdown during the weekend.

Frankly I didn't notice.

I looked at it this morning, it looked OK. Didn't see anything pressing and went on to other things (and in fact now that I think about it, my queues looked remarkable similar to how they looked on Saturday morning, which should have set off the ominious nagging feeling - but didn't, for some reason).

Got a forum message from a friend saying she'd tried to email my private address and had the message kicked back because the account was full.

It was.

Ten Megabytes full - according to the webmail status page.

Near as I can figure, sometime Saturday my local client partially crashed and stopped downloading traffic from the ISP mail server, which promptly filled up - mostly with spam.

I think I've got it fixed, but it's still downloading at this point and it's going to be a while before I can sort through everything. So if you're one of the privileged horde who has my private email address and you sent me a message and you were expecting a reply, here's the deal: if you didn't get an error message from my server, you're probably good and I'll get back to you eventually. If you did get a server error, some technobabblygook about your message being rejected or my inbox being full, you'll need to resend.

I see at least one issue, an email conversation, that I should have been involved in where people are probably wondering what the hell the deal is. Sorry folks - and I'm sure you know who you are - I'll get on it. In the mean time, count me in.

The counter on the spam folder just went past 4000.

As a slightly related aside: You know I purely hate spammers. I think we should hunt them down, strip them naked, bend them over a waist high post, nail their scrotums to it with industrial staples, and jam large toothed eels up their collective asses by the bagful with a hydraulic ram until their colons explode.

What?

Oh, like you haven't had that exact same thought.
_____________________________________________________

Messages sent to my public Stonekettle gmail account are fine.

My Phone Camera Sucks

Yes, it does.

 

Just thought I’d share that. 

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Eklutna Lake Trail

Well, it’s finally summer here in Alaska.

It doesn’t last long and you really need to taken advantage of what nice days you get.

Saturday we went to see Terminator Salvation in Anchorage (Woohoo! Awesome! More on that later) and then I spent most of the afternoon doing spring maintenance on our ATV’s, figuring that if Sunday was decent we’d get out and do some exploring.

I even demonstrated my optimism by loaded the ATV’s onto the trailer, coupling up the truck and parking the whole rig in the shop in preparation for an early start the next morning.

Sunday dawned clear and beautiful with temperatures in the low 60’s.

So, we loaded our day packs and the rest of our equipment and set out for the Eklutna Glacier Trailhead in Chugach State Park.

ATV 1

(Just for the record, we made the kid ride inside the truck)

The trail starts at the Eklutna Lake State Park camp grounds, and follows the edge of the lake roughly ten miles to the Bold wilderness airstrip. Then the trail continues on, following the Eklutna river another three miles up into a deep valley, a mile or so short of the glacier. If you want to explore the ice, you have to do the last mile on foot over very difficult and dangerous terrain, even rugged 4x4 ATV’s like ours can’t navigate that climb.

The trail itself is an improved jeep trail, though vehicles larger than an ATV are not allowed. Speeds are limited to 15MPH and there is a lot of bicycle and foot traffic so you need to pay attention and observe basic trail courtesy. There are some rough spots, but nothing difficult and it’s an easy trail for a beginner and a good place to refresh your riding skills after the long winter. There are two remote wilderness campsites along the trail, one at 8.8 miles and one at mile 11. There is also a wilderness cabin at mile 12 that you can rent.

The views are spectacular.

Lake Pan 1

Eklutna lake is a seven mile long, deep, fresh water lake that fills a valley carved by the retreating glacier. Several large streams feed into the lake…

ATV 2 ATV 3

…but its primary input comes from the Eklutna River which is in turn fed by glacial melt. Because of this, the lake’s water level can change by as much as sixty feet, depending on season. The Eklutna glacier itself grinds over the bedrock and its weight powders the stone into fine talc, called glacial flour. That flour washes down the river and into the lake, which is what gives the water that otherworldly opalescent milky-blue glow.

ATV 4

You wouldn’t think so, but fish live in the lake, Dolly Varden mostly. They eat bugs and algae and crap cement.

The picture above is the far end of the lake, which we reached in about an hour, then we turned to follow the river towards the glacier, which you can just see nestled in that deep valley in the center of the picture below.

ATV 5

The trail crosses the river several times. The state has built bridges, while this isn’t as exciting a fording a glacially cold, fast moving river on an ATV, it’s a lot safer and more importantly has a lot less impact on the environment. All traffic is limited to the trail and the bridges, this eliminates random damage by idiots on ATVs and prevents erosion (It also has the added side benefit of eliminating most of the idiots, as they think the trail is too tame and they look for adventure elsewhere leaving the traffic here mostly well mannered and well behaved).

ATV 6 ATV 7

Note: You might notice in the upper picture, that my son’s hair is cut short in a high and tight military style. I bribed him into to it. The day before this trip I was so damned sick of that mop he usually sports that I offered to buy him a very nice model rocket - if he’d get his hair cut military style for the summer. He agreed. Bawahahahaha! You have no idea how much this tickles me. Maybe he’ll grow to like it. I told him it makes him look older. Also, chicks dig Marines. He said it was a lot more comfortable inside his helmet. I consider that a promising sign.

Several miles past the lake we came to Serenity Falls.

ATV 8

It doesn’t look like much, but later in the year when the melt is in full gear and the water is really flowing, it’s pretty spectacular.

And finally, we came to the end of the trail, about a mile below the glacier. We ate our lunch and decided not to climb on foot to the ice field itself. It’s pretty treacherous up that way, vertical in some spots, muddy and wet.

And in addition, the bears were out in force.

We could see two black bears stalking mountain goats across the valley, which we watched with binoculars for about an hour.

ATV 10

The goats seemed most unconcerned. I had no doubt that unless the bears were armed with rifles, they weren’t going to be eating goat for dinner. That’s them circled in the picture below. Hard to see in the picture, but hey what do you want? They were damned near a mile away, and a thousand feet up the side of a cliff.

ATV 9

Eventually, one of the bears got tired of the stalk and went off to find better pickings. We watched him cross an ice patch and disappear into the alder scrub. That’s him, that little black dot in the picture below.

ATV 11

On the trail back, we got a much better and much closer view of a black bear.

ATV 12

That’s him, that black blob in the picture above, crossing a stream about 50 yards away. Let me tell you something, getting a picture of a pitch black bear in blinding sun is a royal pain in the ass, especially when he’s moving. Out the ten shots I took, that’s the only one that’s even vaguely bear shaped. He’s a young male, maybe 120 to 160 pounds. We came around a blind corner and caught him in the middle of the road twenty yards ahead of us. My wife and I were on the lead machine, with my son following. I braked hard, and my wife signaled my son to stop. Both my wife and I were armed, me with the large frame .44Mag, and my wife with a .45ACP auto. Either weapon was more than a match a small black bear. We believe in prudence when it comes to Alaskan wildlife however and we have no desire to shoot a bear – well, other than with a camera. We knew there were bears on the trail, the rangers had warned us before we set out, and we’d seen bear scat along the way, and we were prepared for the encounter.

He wanted nothing to do with us, he turned and ran into the woods and I snatched the big camera out of the saddlebag and snapped that shot as he crossed a stream and disappeared into the brush.

A large group of hikers came up the trail then, and another group from the other direction, we warned them about the bear danger and continued on.

River Pan 1

We crossed the final river and hit a muddy patch of the trail. My son had been pestering us the whole way for us to allow him to plow through the water at speed. So when we came to a flooded portion of the trail, we let him have his wish.

Eklutna Glacier Trip 062

He was quite happy with the results.

Eklutna Glacier Trip 063

Until he learned that he would be washing the muddy machines when we got home, that is.

Round trip, we covered just under 30 miles (we took a couple of detours to check out the Bold Airstrip and the campsites). The smaller Arctic Cat performed perfectly, but the big Polaris 700 gave me some grief. It lost power several times and stalled – for all the world like it wasn’t getting gas. I popped off the engine covers, figuring it was a clogged fuel filter, but when I vented the fuel injection bar at the relief value gasoline squired two feet sideways under pressure. Plenty of gas. Probably a wet or dirty electrical connector then. The Cat is fully manual, there’s not much to go wrong with it, but the Polaris is a computerized electronic fuel injected monster, it’s an excellent machine but the more complicated you make them, the more that can go wrong. I carry two full tool kits on each machine, and there’s not much I can’t fix on the trail, and so I fiddled around a bit until I got it running again. Worked fine for the rest of the trip. But if necessary I could have towed it back with the other machine. This afternoon I’ll strip it down in the shop, run the diagnostics, and find the problem.

We were filthy dirty and dead tired by the time we got home. But a hot shower and a hot dinner fixed most of that.

It was a great day.

What adventure did you find this weekend?

Monday, May 25, 2009

Things That Chap My Ass About Memorial Day

Memorial Day is a US Holiday

This holiday was first known as Decoration Day, and it began as a day to honor Union soldiers who died during the US Civil War, first observed by order of the commanders of the Grand Army of the Republic as set forth in the following missive:

The 30th day of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village, and hamlet churchyard in the land. In this observance no form or ceremony is prescribed, but Posts and comrades will, in their own way, arrange such fitting services and testimonials of respect as circumstances may permit.

We are organized, Comrades, as our regulations tell us, for the purpose among other things, "of preserving and strengthening those kind and fraternal feelings which have bound together the soldiers sailors and Marines, who united to suppress the late rebellion." What can aid more to assure this result than by cherishing tenderly the memory of our heroic dead? We should guard their graves with sacred vigil that the consecrated wealth and taste of the nation can add to their adornment and security, is but a fitting tribute to the memory of her slain defenders. Let pleasant paths invite the coming and going of reverent visitors and fond mourners. Let no neglect, no ravages of time, testify to the present or to the coming generations that we have forgotten as a people the cost of a free and undivided republic.

If other eyes grow dull and other hands slack, and other hearts cold in the solemn trust, ours shall keep it well as long as the light and warmth of life remain in us.

Let us, then, at the time appointed, gather around their sacred remains, and garland the passionless mounds above them with choicest flowers of springtime; let us raise above them the dear old flag they saved; let us in this solemn presence renew our pledge to aid and assist those whom they have left among us a sacred charge upon the Nation's gratitude—the soldiers and sailors widow and orphan.

II. It is the purpose of the Commander in Chief to inaugurate this observance with the hope that it will be kept up from year to year, while a survivor of the war remains to honor the memory of his departed comrades. He earnestly desires the public press to call attention to this Order, and lend its friendly aid in bringing it to the notice of comrades in all parts of the country in time for simultaneous compliance therewith.

III. Department commanders will use every effort to make this Order effective.

Memorial day was enacted to commemorate the men and women who have died while serving our country in uniform. The very heart of this day is that third paragraph, the one that reads:

If other eyes grow dull and other hands slack, and other hearts cold in the solemn trust, ours shall keep it well as long as the light and warmth of life remain in us.

Memorial day is a day that we who served remember those who fell. And, hopefully, Memorial Day is a day that those who have not served also remember those who have fallen in their defense.

That list, of the uniformed dead, grows larger each year.

There are many to remember. Some died as heroes. Some died as cowards. Many died just doing their jobs, just doing what they believed in. Some of those deaths ring down through history, heavy with meaning. Some are long forgotten, even by us, their deaths meaningless and wasted. However they died, for whatever reason, this is the day that we Americans remember those who gave everything so that the rest of us might be free.

No matter how they died, this is their day.

This is the day that we honor our fallen.

 

Or, rather it should be.

Those who don’t remember the fallen today do not bother me, for if other eyes grow dull and other hands slack, and other hearts cold in the solemn trust, ours shall not.  And that’s enough.

No, what bothers me this day are those who see this holiday as just another opportunity. Those selfish and self centered sons of bitches who have not forgotten the true meaning of this day, but simply don’t care.  I’m talking about those who would use this day to further their own agenda.

Oh yes, sure, I’m talking about the sales and the promotions – where the profits go into the pockets of the retailers and have nothing whatsoever to do with the real purpose of this day. Sure, I’m talking about those who profit on the corpses of those who died to keep them free.

And yes, of course, I’m talking about the gratuitous self aggrandizing politicians. Who bloviate about service and sacrifice and then go back and vote to cut military funding unless it’s for a weapons program built in their district, or to leave Gitmo open, or to “stay the course.” Yeah, those selfish assholes. Sure I’m talking about those people.

And Yes, exactly, I’m talking about the Beltway Generals, the ones who’ve never seen combat. The ones who think sacrifice is having to ride First Class instead of via private military jet.  The ones who believe that facing adversity is not getting new carpeting in their Pentagon Offices this year.  And that duty is golfing with that Colonel they don’t like instead spending the afternoon in a hotel with their secretary. Those who remember that rank hath its privileges but forget that it also has its responsibilities, while they send the rest of us into the meat grinder ill equipped and ill prepared.  Yes, I’m talking about those people. Sure.

And yes, I am talking about the defense contractors, those profiteering bastards who’ll sponsor picnics and flyovers and full page ads today – in order to advertize their own product line, the same substandard crap they charged us ten times too much for and delivered a year late and only partially functional. Certainly, I’m talking about them.

But what I’m really talking about is this:

Remember, Jesus died in the Service too. Memorial day is about honoring his glory.

This message was printed on a sign in front of a Baptist Church in Butte, Alaska.

You know what? Wrong. Today is not about honoring Jesus, unless Jesus wore a uniform and served in the armed forces of the United States of America – and that sign just plain pisses me off. No, really, you have no idea just how much that sign and its message piss me off. It’s the selfishness of it, it’s the self-centeredness of it, it is the single-mindedness of it, and it is the utter disdain and disrespect and disregard for those in uniform who have fallen so that that pitiful shitty inbred asshole church could put that message on that sign that just utterly and completely pisses me the bloody fucking hell off.

My urge was to drive over the sign repeatedly until there was nothing left, then pour gasoline on it and torch the ruble, and then hunt down the priest, minister, padre, shaman, or whatever the hell he’s called, who put that goddamned message up in the first place, and kick his fucking ass.  

I didn’t, I drove on, fuming.

And I’m still fuming.

That sign brought to the forefront something that has always irritated me, and something that has gotten worse and worse in the last couple of years. I’m talking about those who want to lump their bullshit in with military service.  I’m talking about those people who today will seize the microphone to talk about 911 victims, or starving kids in Africa, or AIDS victims, or the dying polar bears, or Jesus.

Today is not about any of those things. Not even Jesus.

And if my opinion pisses you off, so be it. 

If you find my words offensive, too damned bad.

Because you see, I am offended. 

I’m offended by those selfish and self centered Americans who would pay lip service to Memorial Day solely in order to further their own agenda. These people, and acts like the ones I described above, dishonor and disregard and disrespect those who died in uniform. 

Better they should forget us, rather than spit in our faces.

 

 

 Let us, then, at the time appointed, gather around their sacred remains, and garland the passionless mounds above them with choicest flowers of springtime; let us raise above them the dear old flag they saved; let us in this solemn presence renew our pledge to aid and assist those whom they have left among us a sacred charge upon the Nation's gratitude—the soldiers and sailors widow and orphan.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Sunday Adventure

So far it's a beautiful day.

Almost like it won't rain.

However, we're Alaskans, we are not fooled by the blue sky and sun. No we're not.

We're off with the ATV's to Eklutna Glacier today on our first adventure of the Alaskan summer.

Don't whine, I'll take pictures.

It'll be almost like you're there with us - only without the mosquitoes.

Back later, much, much later.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Stonekettle Station’s Top Ten Classic Scifi Novels That…

…should be made into mini-series.

or

Things that Chap My Ass about the Stinking SyFy Channel

You know, when they first came out with the SciFi Channel, I, like many fans, thought “At last! Bawahahahaha, at last!”

A channel dedicated to just us. Us Science Fiction fans.

A channel just for geeks, freaks, and nerds.

A channel where Star Trek, The Next Generation wouldn’t be pre-empted for Monday Night football or some Bass Fishing Classic (seriously, how do you get to be a professional bass fisherman? No, really, what exactly do you major in at Fat Lazy Bastard University to prepare yourself?  Beer and hookers? Is there a Union? and more importantly, who the fuck watches two guys in a boat, fishing?)

A channel where they’d show endless repeats of Space 1999, and Star Trek, and, hell, maybe even the excretible Starlost. With movies of the week like the classic Forbidden Planet and maybe Destination Moon and even the hysterically bad Moon 02.

A channel where they’d show interviews with great authors, like a video version of John Scalzi’s The Big Idea.

A channel where they’d show sneak peaks of upcoming SciFi movies and interviews with the cast, crew, directors and writers – kind of a TV version of the old Starlog Magazine.

A channel where they’d make cool new science fiction series without having to dumb it down for the mundanes.

A channel where they’d cover the conventions, live and in color.

A channel where they’d utilize modern technology to blog and plurk and twitter and connect us all.

Man, I was all kinds of excited.

Hell, if it was up to me, I would have gotten the rights to exclusively broadcast NFL football – and then preempt the game with about ten minutes to go. Up yours, jock douche bag knuckle draggers, how you like it? You may now pucker up and kiss my ass. La Dee Da, Bitches, name all the Planets of the Federation and maybe we’ll broadcast the rest of the game - at 11:30PM.  (You may, if you like, visualize me gleefully giving the finger to professional televised sports at this point).

 

Yeah.

 

Boy, it sure didn’t take long for that dream to die a small whimpering death, did it?

Instead of a SciFi channel, what we got was SyFy, which mostly consists of ECW wrestling and unbelievably bad movies like Mansquito and Snakehead Fish Monsters of Venus (or whatever it was called, like it actually matters), and Jennifer Love Hewitt hunting ghosts or some silly nonsense (seriously, the girl is nine kinds of funny, why she’s doing this crap is beyond me).

Every once in a while, they manage to pull a decent science fiction series out of their corporate sphincters, Farscape and BSG come to mind.  So it is possible for those running SyFy not to actually shit all over the only people who watch their wretched channel.

Now that BSG has proved beyond any shadow of a doubt that there is great profit to be made in quality Science Fiction, and that a great number of people like me actually prefer intelligent fare over the tractor-pull retarded nonsense of the ECW, and that a science fiction show can actually be referred to as “the best hour on television” by mainstream media, I’d like to suggest that those who run the SyFy Channel pull their collective heads out of their aforementioned sphincters and turn to some classic science fiction novels for inspiration.

In this day and age of relatively cheap and excellent special effects, a decent science fiction series can be done that would have been beyond conception even ten years ago.  And while I’d dearly love to see some of my favorite novels come to life on the big screen, few Hollywood blockbusters could do justice to them.  No, for them to be done right, they need to be a well made mini-series, done with the same dedication and passion as series like Firefly or the BSG reboot. That’s what the SyFy channel should be all about.

Take the following for example:

The World of Tiers, by Philip José Farmer. Specifically the first book in the series, The Maker of Universes.  Set in an artificial universe, upon an artificial planet built by godlike beings to resemble a world-sized  wedding cake, The World of Tiers is filled with strange creatures, odd and wildly varied civilizations, godlike creatures, Indians, knights, steamboats, long extinct animals, evil, good, and many things in between.  It’s a quest and a voyage of discovery – and the ending is both predictable and startling.

Ringworld, by Larry Niven. Louis Wu and his motley crew crash land on an Enormous Big Thing - a sun girdling ring more than a million millions wide. As Niven himself says, the Ringworld is an intermediate step between a planet and a Dyson Sphere.  They find mystery and adventure, floating cities and flying castles, betrayal and trust, old enemies and new friends, immortality, and the ruins of ancient star-faring civilizations beneath the light of the heaven spanning Arch. 

Starship Troopers, by Robert Anson Heinlein. A coming of age story that follows Johnny Rico from callow youth to seasoned and respected officer in the star spanning Mobile Infantry. The classic military scifi tale – and the only way to do this novel correctly is as a mini-series, ideally by the same folks who did Band of Brothers.

The Foundation Trilogy, by Isaac Asimov.  Still considered one of the cornerstones of Science Fiction and written on the scale of Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire, The Foundation Series spans the final centuries of a slowly dying Empire and the aftermath of its collapse. Possibly one of the greatest works ever.  Ideally, a mini-series would devote each season to each specific epoch in the series.

Rendezvous with Rama, by Sir Arthur C. Clarke. Explorers intercept and explore an enormous world sized ship as it transits the Solar System.  They attempt to unlock its secrets and are only marginally successful. Supposedly a movie adaption of Rama, led by Morgan Freeman, has been in the works for over a decade – but that movie is unlikely to be made. 

Alas, Babylon, by Pat Frank.  The classic post apocalyptic survival tale set in small town Florida, often imitated over the years, but rarely duplicated.  Ideally, I’d like to see this told exactly as Frank wrote it, set in late 1950’s America, complete with segregation, and Soviets, and poverty, and the moldering remains of the Gentile South.

The Forever War, by Joe Haldeman.  Another coming age tale and a conflict that spans centuries.  Less about war, than about the toll it takes on those who fight it and the civilization they leave behind - and how their war shapes that very civilization.  This novel was born out of Haldeman’s experience as a soldier in Vietnam, and ideally it would be filmed in the same manner as the classics of that conflict. Apocalypse Now and Platoon come to mind.

The Peace War, by Vernor Vinge.  Vinge’s breakout novel. Set in a world built upon the ruins of our own, controlled by descendents of scientists who ended war and imposed peace upon the world – at the cost of freedom, scientific progress, and the lives of millions.  In this world of ironclad dictatorship an old man who once discovered the technology used to rule the world, a women out of time who was once his love, and a young mathematical genius set out to destroy tyranny.  Along the way they discover a startling secret, turn it into a weapon, and change the world.

Pern, by Anne McCaffery.  (Technically, this is a fantasy, but what the hell). Technology has finally reached the point where the dragons of Pern could be brought to life realistically.  This is a classic tale of discovery and bravery and perseverance in the face of overwhelming odds. For twenty years I’ve carried in my head the opening scene to this series:  The great dragons and their riders soaring low over the exotic coastline of Pern with the Red Star flaming like an eye in the heavens above and reflecting on the dark waters below, and then rising up through jagged dark peaks just as the sun breaks above the horizon and Ruatha Hold appears against the Ramparts.  The Voice, by The Moody Blues is the theme song.

Titan, by John Varley.  Ringmaster, the first manned ship to Saturn, discovers and is destroyed by an ancient and insane world sized creature, Gaia.  The captain, Cirocco Jones, and her crew awaken scattered and shattered inside Gaia. The living world is built like an enormous Stanford torus. Stranded and alone, some altered beyond recognition, some damaged, and some changed in terrible ways, the people from Earth seek each other out and attempt to solve the mysteries of this inside out world and its bizarre inhabitants. Eventually, some of them storm heaven to confront the godlike Gaia herself.

 

Bonus picks:

The Blue World, by Jack Vance. A vast oceanic world with no land, populated by the descendents of shipwrecked criminals who live on giant sea plants and battle the mighty King Kraken himself. Just because, seriously, this would be so freakin’ cool.

World out of Time, by Larry Niven.  A cryogenically preserved man from the 1970’s awakens in the far future into the body of a brain-wiped criminal.  He has no rights, no citizenship. He’s a slave, and nothing more.  He is trained as a ramship pilot and sent to seed mankind among the stars. Along the way he escapes his fate and finds a way into the future. He returns more than a million years later to a vastly changed and dangerous Earth.

Hell, I’d even suggest David Gerrold’s Chtorr series, maybe that would get him to finish it.

 

And there you have it, Stonekettle Station’s Top Ten SciFi Novels that should be made into outstanding and captivating mini-series.

 

What books do you think would make a great science fiction series?