Thursday, August 27, 2015

Danger: Explosive Gas

People think the fuel-air bomb is a horrible device. The fuel-air bomb is the best device!
-Glenn Beck

Kill 'em.

That’s right.

That should be our motto: Kill ‘em all and trust in God to sort it out. Booyah, Baby, America!

But, hey, "pro-life," right?

Jesus, right?

Abortion, that’s immoral, but vaporizing us some brown people, well, that’s a whole different thing. Sure, God loves that. The moral high road, that’s us, we’re the good guys. Sure we are.

Kill ‘em, kill ‘em all, that’s what Glenn Beck says.




Oh, you’re shocked, are you? Surprised? Boggled that yet another cowardly conservative warmongering chickenhawk who never served not a single day in his life declares himself an expert on military strategy?

Yeah, me too. This is my surprised face, right here.

Last night on his show, Glenn Beck outlined his brilliant idea for defeating the Islamic State in Syria. It’s simple really, instead of showering them with “flowers and cupcakes,” like Obama, we BOMB 'EM, see? Bomb 'em all!

General Beck says America should just "go in there and you blitzkrieg, you wipe it out."


Just wipe 'em out.

Exterminate 'em. Genocide. Kill ‘em all. And God bless Der Vaterland America!

You know as long as we're using Nazi terminology anyway, maybe we could just form them all into a line in front of a mass grave and machinegun them. What? I’m just saying, for efficiency’s sake.

Oooooh, I know, how about gas chambers? Huh? Huh? That’s the ticket!

Glenn Beck, he wants to drop fuel-air bombs on Islam.

Fuel-air bombs are a type of incredibly powerful thermobaric explosive.  Basically the way this works is first a large volume of vaporized liquid explosive is dispersed (usually by a propelling charge) over a large area and mixes with atmospheric oxygen. That explosive cloud settles into and around structures, armor, equipment, crowds, cities, tunnels, and so on and when it reaches the correct density and saturation point an ignition charge provides the spark for detonation.

The resulting explosion is massive.

In some cases a fuel air explosive (FAE) can compare directly to the yield of a tactical nuclear device in the fractional kiloton range.

What kills is the high order, high speed blast (pressure) wave followed immediately by rarefaction – a high grade vacuum and oxygen depletion which ruptures the lungs – over a very large area.  The more enclosed the space, the more confined the blast, the worse the effects. Those closest to the blast are literally vaporized. Those further away are first burned and then pulverized by the blast wave and then suffocated.  If you survive, you can expect blindness via corneal damage and blast detached retinas, ruptured ear drums, massive internal injuries to include ruptured lungs and internal organs (or pulmonary edema from breathing in the toxic explosive mixture, which is a lot like like sucking gasoline into your lungs), and, of course, our old friend, the Traumatic Brain Injury.

Glenn Beck wants to start dropping these things on ISIS.

Because Beck, you see, he’s an expert.  Oh yes, his extensive military training, his twenty years of experience in counter-insurgency tactics, his decades in uniform, his many years on battlefields from Cambodia to Iran, and his shiny Master's Degree in Strategic Planning from the War College make him an expert.


What’s that?


Well, maybe he read about fuel-air bombs in a Tom Clancy novel which is basically the same thing as actual experience and education.

No, really. You want brain surgery? You see a brain surgeon. You want to fly an airliner? You call a pilot. You want to go to the moon? You’re gonna need a rocket scientist. But war? Fuck, anybody can do that. There’s nothing complicated about it. You don’t need no training, no experience, no specialized education. Anybody can be a general, sure. Sure. It worked for Saddam, didn’t it?

Blitzkrieg, baby, kill ‘em all.

Beck wants to drop these things on ISIS, see? And then Flash! Bang! Whamo! All the bad guys are vaporized. Easy peasy.

You again? What is it now?

Oh, collateral damage? Women and children and old people and non-combatants? What about them? We’re dropping weapons that are equivalent to small nukes, what about the people we’re supposedly trying to save?

Well, you know what? Fuck 'em! That’s right, fuck ‘em. Burn 'em all. Blitzkrieg. Just wipe 'em out! Because yeah, that’ll teach ‘em. That’ll win those hearts and minds. You bet. Kill women and children and old people and kill their pets and burn their goddamned shitty country to the ground! Because, yeah, that won’t create hate and resentment and a burning desire to strike back. No, no. That won’t spawn terrorists whole cloth from the rubble. Nooooo. Of course not. Why they’ll be so cowed they’ll never come after us. On our own turf. No. Revenge? Whaaaat? C’mon.

Beside. If they do? Well, we’ll bomb ‘em some more!

"That's what has to happen to win a war. You suck the air out the room, you make your opponent gasp. We're not prepared to do that, so you cannot fight this war until you're prepared to be brutal in killing people. Period."

That's what happens in war, says Glenn Beck. 

You gotta suck the air out of the room.

You gotta be brutal, Folks. That's what the good guys do. Brutal, see? Suck the air out of the room, kill 'em all. And, Boy, I guess old Glenn would know, wouldn't he? What with all his medals and years of service in uniform and all.



This simplistic horseshit is just so typical of these people. Bomb 'em, bomb 'em all. That'll teach 'em. That'll make 'em roll over. Bomb 'em, see? Scorched earth. Reduce their land to burning rubble, glass ashtrays, and just walk away, fuck 'em. Fuck. Them. Might makes right. That'll get rid of the insurgents. That'll get rid of the terrorists. That'll teach 'em not to mess with the US, Buddy Boy. Brutality, man, that's the key.

Didn't work for us in Korea.

Damned if it didn't work for us in Vietnam.

Didn't work in Somalia.

Didn't work in Iraq.

Sure didn't work for the brutal Soviets in Afghanistan where the Russians actually did use massive Fuel-Air Explosives –  didn't work for us either.

Remind me, how did being "brutal in killing people" work out for Saddam? For Gaddafi? For Asad? For Hitler?

But, Glenn Beck, right? Let's listen to him.

Pro-life my ass.

Party of morality, my ass.

Party of Christ, my ass.

Monday, August 3, 2015

War Party

“It seems President Obama would concede almost anything to get any deal, even a terrible deal, from the Islamic Republic of Iran's Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei.”
- Senator Ted Cruz

Oh no!

To the bunkers!

Hoist the colors!

Sound the bugle! To Arms! To Arms!

Obama is going to destroy the United States! He’s helping our enemies! Because he hates America!


I’ve lost track, how many times has Obama destroyed America now? Twenty? A hundred? Seems like he’s been destroying America at least once a week lately.

I mean honestly, Conservatives, when isn’t Obama destroying America?


Heh heh. Okay, you got me, it was a trick question.


So, what is it this time?

God’s wrath for gay marriage? Ebola? Electric cars? Gun control? Little flag pin on crooked?


Oh, right, of course. Iran and the Islamic State. Muslims.

Obama went all Neville Chamberlain on the Iran Deal. And now? Well, now, it’s death to America! Yep, we’re screwed. Again.

Dammit, why can’t Obama understand that if we don’t start bombing immediately why next thing you know Iranian tanks will be rolling into Poland … or Israel, or New York, or, well, somewhere and then it’s bye bye America hello ISIS. Thanks, Obama!

We’ve got to do something. We’ve got to kill some people, man!

War, it’s always the answer.

War, it’s what Jesus would do.  That’s what The Decider would do! That’s what Reagan would do! War! War! War!

There’s no downside to war. It’s the perfect American pastime. I mean, we got all this stuff, right? Tanks and ships and bombs and stealth fighters. We’ve got silos full of nuclear missiles. We’ve got SEALs and Green Berets and Rangers! We’ve got all these Soldiers and Marines.  Hell, we’ve even got killer CIA robots. Zap! Zap! Death from the sky!

What’s the point of having all this stuff if we’re not gonna use it?

We’ll be like that guy who buys a kayak and a fancy roof rack for his Subaru and the life-vest and the stylish kayaking clothes … and then never puts it in the water. Nobody wants to be that guy, right?

This year we’ll spend nearly 20% of the total federal budget on the military, about $800,000,000,000. I mean, if we’re not bombing somebody, we’re getting screwed, man. Screwed.

We need some war.

No, really, think about it.

War, it’s what defines modern America. We used to try and stay out of war, a hundred years ago, not anymore.

War, it’s the one thing that brings Americans, war supporters and war protesters, together.

War, it’s how the world sees us. I mean, it sure as shit isn’t as peacemakers, now is it? If they had a Nobel War Prize, we’d sweep every category every year. Nuke ‘em until they glow and shoot ‘em in the dark!

War, it gives us somebody to hate, somebody to compare to Hitler and the Nazis – boy, those were the good old days, right? That was a great war, great generation, they don’t make ‘em like that any more.

War, it lets us ship off the poor and the disaffected, the oddballs, the troublemakers. Better those folks be doing their killin’ overseas rather than at home, right? We get rid of them and we get to blow up brown people on the daily news and there’s really no downside to that, is there?

War, it’s what makes our economy go ‘round. War, that’s capitalism, everything from tanks to those little yellow “Support Our Troops” magnets, and the money just rolls in. The rich get richer and the poor get dead, think of it as evolution in action.

War. That’s America. Shoot ‘em all and let God sort it out – If you go, you’ll even get a T-shirt ($19.95 plus shipping and handling. Made in China).

And … wait, what’s this?

This Iran deal. This stinkin’ liberal peacenik Obama Iran deal. No war. No Nazis. No big juicy “defense” contracts? No cruise missile strikes at dawn? No parades and marching bands? No little yellow ribbon magnets?

Well, that’s just bullshit right there.

It’s downright un-American is what it is.

Real Americans are outraged! You damned right they are.

We haven’t had a war in almost a year, we’re going into withdrawal.

Last Wednesday, Senator Lindsey Graham (R-Confederate States of America, praise Jesus) demonstrated his superior Americanism to US Defense Secretary Ashton Carter:

Graham: Does [Iran’s] Supreme Leader's religious views compel him over time to destroy Israel and attack America?

Carter: I don't know. I don't know the man. I only…

Graham: Well let me tell you, I do. I know the man. I know what he wants. And if you don't know that, this is not a good deal.

Graham: Could we win a war with Iran? Who wins the war between us and Iran? Who wins? Do you have any doubt who wins?

Carter: No. The United States.

Graham: We. Win.

Who wins a war?

Who wins?

We. Win. We win!

That’s what we’re talking about, right? A quick little war with Iran. Then we’ll have some peace. But first, war. That’s the American way. We can’t have peace with anybody we haven’t had a war with first. Beat ‘em down. Blow ‘em up. Kill ‘em all. Then peace.

(What? No, I’m not going to ask how Lindsey Graham knows Iran’s Supreme Leader well enough to know what he wants. You want to picture them taking long hot showers together, be my guest. This is a classy blog, Folks, I’m not going to go there)

War. Really, where’s the problem? It’s not like we’re gonna lose, right? We start a war with Iran and we win it. We do. And the world becomes a safer and better place, praise Jesus, just like it did after we won those wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. And Somalia. And Vietnam. And Korea. And …


What’s that?

Oh, I’m being offensive, am I?

You don’t like my sarcastic tone? Is that it?

Americans don’t want war, you say? Conservatives don’t want war. Lindsey Graham isn’t really talking about war, he’s just making sure the Secretary of Defense knows who’d win. It’s like a sports analogy, fantasy football, see? And Mike Huckabee doesn’t really think President Obama is actually helping Iran herd Israelis “into the ovens.” The GOP isn’t really the party of war. No, no, of course not. That would be … crazy.


When the Iran deal was announced and a great cry went up from conservatives, I posted the following comment on my Facebook and Twitter feeds:

Now now, Conservatives, stop crying. Here, have a tissue. Blow your noses. Wipe the snot off your faces. Buck up. Look, I promise we'll find you a war. Sure, we'll find you a war, a nice big one that will kill lots of poor minorities and make gobs of money for defense contractors. Trust me, you'll be bombing brown people in no time! Okay, tell you what, how about we stop and hate some gays on the way home? Huh? That'll make you feel better.

Sorry about the deal, fellas. But don’t worry, I’m sure another war will come along shortly. It was a throwaway laugh. Yuk yuk. A little stereotypical political humor – same as when I rib gay-marryin’ tofu-eatin’ Prius-drivin’ peace-lovin’ liberals. A little sarcasm to spark conversation, that’s all.

The comment was liked and shared all over social media. Yuk yuk, funny.

Well, mostly.

As you might expect, I got some conservative feedback.

- ONly brain dead liberal obama cock suckers like you would trust Iran LOL!! only thing islamist cock suckers understand is force. fuck you dumb cock sucker move to iran since you think there so great so you can chant death to america with youre friends

- So if I don’t agree with the Opeaser In Chief I’m a racist warmonger who hates homosexuals and “brown people.” But whose the bigot now right?

- I must be just about to piss myself in anticipation of killing some "poor minorities" and "brown people." Because if I deign to disagree with this President's foreign policy, I MUST be not only racist, but bloodthirsty as well

There was more. A lot more, but those three comments will give you the idea.

I meant my comment as a joke. Because that’s what I do.

But, you see, the best political humor is based on truth.

Chris Christie:

“We have to be willing as Americans to say, if need be, we’ll also put soldiers into the fight. We have to be willing to say that.”

Scott Walker:

“If I can take on 100,000 protesters, I can do the same across the globe.”

Ben Carson:

“You gotta kill them before they kill you.”

Lindsey Graham, a man who has never met a war he didn’t like:

“If we don’t defend ourselves over there, they’re coming here. I will do whatever it takes, as long as it takes to defeat these guys.”

Bobby Jindal:

“We don’t need a war on international poverty. We need a war on the evil radical Islamic terrorism. They [American citizens, voters] need to tell the political left we want our military leaders to do whatever it takes, not to degrade, contain or expel, but to hunt down and kill these radical Islamic terrorists.”

Carly Fiorina:

“I would do very specific things. First, instead of having a Camp David conference to talk our Arab allies into a bad deal with Iran, I would have had a Camp David conference to talk with our Arab allies about how we can support them to fight ISIS. Let me give you very specific examples. The Kurds have been asking us to arm them for three years, we still have not. The Jordanians have been asking us to provide them with bombs and material. We know King Abdullah of Jordan – I’ve known him for many years – he took the appropriate leadership steps when a Jordanian pilot was burned alive. He was here in this country asking us for bombs and material. We haven’t provided him with any of them. He’s now looking to China for that. The Egyptian president, a very brave and pious Muslim, who has said there is a cancer in the heart of Islam, has asked us to share intelligence. We are not. The Turks have asked us to help them topple Bashar al-Assad. We are not. There are a whole set of things we’ve been asked to do by our allies who know this is their fight, and we’re not doing any of them. So I would hold a Summit and talk with them about that.”

John Kasich:

"Mark my words, at some point it will require boots on the ground from the world to be able to deal with this problem.”

George Pataki:

"I would provide the weapons, training and financial support to help those fighting on the ground — whether it is Kurds, Jordanians or Sunnis. We cannot allow them to have recruiting centers, training centers and plans to attack us here in America […] If necessary, we will send in American boots on the ground to destroy those training centers, destroy those planning centers and then get out.”

Rick Santorum:

“If these folks want to return to a 7th Century version of Islam, then let’s load up our bombers and bomb them back to the 7th Century.”

Marco Rubio:

“…if we wanted to defeat them [ISIS] militarily, we could do it. [Obama] doesn’t want to upset Iran. In [Obama’s] mind, this deal with Iran is going to be the Obamacare of the second term, and he doesn’t want them sending military to the region because they think the region belongs to them.”

Yeah, but those guys are fringe conservative candidates. Right? The mainstream guys, the ones getting the press, they aren’t demanding war, right?

Mike Huckabee:

“And here is what we have to do: America has to have the most formidable, fierce, military in the history of mankind So when we have a threat, whether it is ISIS, Boko Haram, Al Qaeda, Hamas, Hezbollah, the Iranians, whatever it is, we make it very clear that we plan to push back and destroy that threat to us. And we won’t take 10 years doing it, we hopefully won’t even take 10 months, it will be like a 10 day exercise, because the fierceness of our forces would mean that we can absolutely guarantee the outcome of this film. That’s how America needs to operate in the world of foreign affairs, and foreign policy.”

When asked if he meant sending ground forces, Huckabee replied, “We have to leave that as an option. We can’t leave anything off the table.”

Well, okay, what about that guy from Texas? The one that today released a video of himself cooking bacon on the barrel of a tactical assault weapon? Surely that sane reasonable guy wouldn’t be calling for war?

Ted Cruz:

“What would real presidential leadership look like? A real president would stand up and say on the world stage: Under no circumstances will Iran be allowed to acquire nuclear weapons. Iran will either stop, or we will stop them […] The threats to Israel right now have never been greater, and now is a time when we do not need leaders who simply speak empty words of support for Israel. When you have religious zealots who glorify death and suicide, ordinary deterrence is not effective.”

The irony apparently escapes Ted Cruz who has repeatedly suggested that we bomb ISIS and Iran “back to the Stone Age” in rehash of General Curtis LeMay – who advocated bombing North Vietnam back to the Stone Age, with nuclear weapons.

You recall how bombing Vietnam turned out, right? Third time’s the charm!

Last week Cruz demanded from the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, General Martin Dempsey, appearing before a Senate panel, that the U.S. “destroy ISIS—not degrade them.” Cruz also demanded that the destruction of ISIS be done “within 90 days.” When Dempsey said that wasn’t possible, Cruz issued a press release saying the General, the General in charge of our military forces, was wrong. Why Cruz didn’t call for the general’s resignation, given that the man obviously has no actual grasp of military strategy, force readiness, logistics, intelligence assessments, or capability, is beyond me. Cruz then went on to outline his own plan to arm the Kurds and send them against ISIS and Iran as proxy troops with embedded American Special Forces and/or American ground troops (no word on how the Muslim Kurds would feel about fighting Ted Cruz’s war in defense of Israel. Details. Details).

In that same panel, Cruz berated General Dempsey because America should be standing with Ukraine and arming its people against Russia.

Well, okay, so Cruz is nuts, but what about the “sane” one? The reasonable Republican? The smart one. What about that guy?

Jeb Bush:

“We’re living in times that are quite perilous. Now we see what happens when we pull back. These threats spread over the Internet all around the world including our own country. I, for one, we believe we need to reengage with the rest of the world, fight barbaric Islamic terrorism in the Middle East and also do what we need to do to protect the homeland, using all the tools available to make it so, protecting civil liberties along the way but make sure, make sure that we keep this country safe.”

Bush hired his brother, the guy who invaded Iraq and Afghanistan as his campaign’s foreign policy advisor. 

Yeah, he’s the “smart” one.

What about the Libertarian? They don’t believe in war, do they? Surely if anybody in the GOP would support peace and the P5+1 deal over war, who wouldn’t be itching to take on ISIS, it would be the Libertarian, right?

Rand Paul:

“If I were president, I would call a joint session of Congress. I would lay out the reasoning of why ISIS is a threat to our national security and seek congressional authorization to destroy ISIS militarily.”

And just to make sure he wasn’t misunderstood, Paul went on Fox’s Sean Hannity to clarify his statement. Paul said as President he would quickly end Congress’ current recess in order to seek military authorization – and he believes that would be easily granted given that both houses are dominated by Republican majorities.

Paul then declared that in addition to forming a powerful American response, he would lean on Turkey, Syria, and Iran to join the fight against the Islamic State. Now, unlike Bobby Jindal, Paul does seem to know Iran and ISIS are enemies and not friends, so, you know, that’s something anyway – though it does raise an interesting question about strange bedfellows.

“Right now, the two allies that have the same goal would be Iran and Syria, to wipe out ISIS. They also have the means and the ability and they also have the incentive to do so because Assad’s clinging for power and clinging for life there.”

Shades of Reagan. Can’t trust the Iranians to sign a peace treaty, but let’s give them weapons and trust them on the battlefield, right? Enemy of our enemies and all that. What’s Ollie North up to these days, maybe he can escort a planeload of Stinger missiles to Tehran.


How about that other guy? The one leading conservative polls? The non-establishment Republican? The one who’s not like the others?

Donald Trump:

"I would attack the oil. I would take away their source of power. I would take away their source of wealth. You will defeat ISIS. They are very wealthy. They're building a hotel in Syria. A hotel. They're competing with me.  They're building a hotel in Syria. … They're wealthy. You know why they're wealthy? From the oil. I would absolutely cut off their source of wealth, which is the oil. I would bomb the hell out of them!"

And here we are.

You want to know why I said what I said?

Look, I promise we'll find you a war. Sure, we'll find you a war, a nice big one that will kill lots of poor minorities and make gobs of money for defense contractors. Trust me, you'll be bombing brown people in no time! Okay, tell you what, how about we stop and hate some gays on the way home? Huh? That'll make you feel better.

Because every single prominent Republican is calling for war. Every. Single. One. That’s why. 

If you’re voting for these people, you’re voting for war. They’ve made that absolutely clear.

Sure, fine whatever. But where did that “bombing some brown people” come from?

Well, hell, we’re not exactly talking about declaring war on Canada now, are we? So, unless Jesus was the only Caucasian in the Middle East, what we are in fact talking about is bombing us some more brown people.

Fine! But what about that “hate some gay people” remark, Jim, what about that?

You got me there. That was uncalled for. I apologize.

Tell you what, in fairness, let’s take a look at what conservative candidates have to say about gay people.

I’ll start with Mike Huckabee…

Friday, July 24, 2015

The Seven Stages of Gun Violence



It’s been two three years since I first wrote this on the day after a madman stepped into a darkened movie theater in Aurora, Colorado and started killing people.  Since then more than ten twenty thousand Americans have died from gun violence, three seven times more than died on September 11th, 2001, more than all the military personnel killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. There have been so many mass shootings between the day I wrote this and now that I’ve lost track, one killing blurs into another and the bloody rampages seem to be our new national pastime.

I got a lot of email regarding this post. 

And a lot of people told me I was wrong.

I’ve updated the text and updated it and updated it again and have now updated it yet
again and moved the essay forward in the Stonekettle Station timeline. 

I left the original comments intact, but because those comments primarily address the Aurora Massacre (e.g. the original impetus for this essay) I’ve added a demarking comment dated April 3, 2014, for the first update and another for June 19, 2015 and now yet another for the most recent update, July 24, 2015 – less than a month from the previous update and already two more mass shootings. Way to go America. New comments will appear after that. The line of demarcation should be obvious  //Jim


It is easier for a crazy person to get an automatic weapon than healthcare in America.
                                            - Shannyn Moore, Moore Up North



So, America, déjà Vu.

Here we are yet again.

Another mass killing.

Another hellish scene of smoke and blood and murder.

Another day of death and pain, panic and terror.

Here’s a few highlights, America. Think of it as our country’s Greatest Hits. No no, don’t look away. Don’t roll your eyes. This is who you are, this right here, man up and face it: September 1999, Fort Worth, Texas, a gunman killed six people during a prayer service, then he committed suicide. October 2002, it was the Washington DC Sniper, ten dead. August 2003, Chicago, a gunman locked six of his former coworkers in a conference room and shot them dead, then he killed himself.  November 2004, Birchwood, Wisconsin, a hunter got into an argument with a group of sportsmen over a trespassing issue, the hunter ended the argument by killing six and wounding two. March 2005, Brookfield, Wisconsin, a man walked into a church and shot seven people dead, praise the Lord. October 2006, Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania, a disgruntled truck driver shot five Amish schoolgirls to death and wounded six others before taking his own life. April 2007, Virginia Tech, an angry former student set a record with the deadliest mass shooting in the US in recent years, he killed thirty-two people and wounded fifteen others. Go Team. August 2007, Delaware State University, three students were shot and killed execution style by a 28-year-old and two 15-year-old boys. A fourth student was shot and stabbed. And a month later, September 2007, on the same campus, a student shot and wounded two other students in a dining hall. December 2007, Omaha, Nebraska, a 20-year-old man killed nine people and wounded five others in a shopping mall.  A few days later,  on Christmas Eve, a woman and her boyfriend gunned down six members of her family in their house in Carnation, Washington. February 2008, Chicago, a gunman tied up and shot six women at a clothing store, five of them died. The gunman was never caught. February 2008, DeKalb, Illinois, a man opened fire in a lecture hall at Northern Illinois University. He killed five students and wounded sixteen others. July 2008, Phoenix, Arizona, a former student shot three people in a computer lab at South Mountain Community College.  September 2008, Alger, Washington, a mentally ill man who was released from jail one month earlier shot eight people, six died. October 2008, University of Central Arkansas, gunmen shooting from a car in front of a student dormitory killed two students and wounded a third.  December 2008, Covina, California, a man dressed up like Santa Claus killed nine people at a family Christmas party, then he set the house on fire and shot himself. March 2009, Alabama, a 28-year-old drove through several towns randomly shooting people, he managed to kill ten. March 2009, North Carolina, a heavily-armed gunman stormed into a nursing home and killed eight elderly residents and wounded two more before police killed him. The object of his murderous rage, his estranged wife, was a nurse at the facility –  she escaped unharmed by hiding in the locked Alzheimer ward.  March 2009, Santa Clara, California, six people were shot dead in an apartment building. April 2009, Virginia, an 18-year-old former student followed a pizza deliveryman into his old dormitory, and shot the deliveryman, a dorm monitor, and then himself at Hampton University. April 2009, Binghamton, New York, a man shot thirteen people to death in a bloody rampage at the town civic center. July 2009, Houston, Texas, six people were shot in a drive-by shooting at a community rally on the campus of Texas Southern University. November 2009, Fort Hood, Texas, a U.S. army major opened  fire on his fellows in the middle of a crowded soldier processing center filled with troops preparing for deployment, he killed thirteen and wounded forty-two. February 2010, Alabama, a disgruntled professor opened fire during a staff meeting of the Biological Sciences Department faculty. She killed three and wounded three more. January 2011, Tucson, Arizona, a gunman opened fire at a public gathering outside a grocery store, he killed six people including a nine-year-old girl and wounded twelve more including Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords who was shot in the head.  July 2012, Aurora, Colorado, a masked gunman storms into a packed movie theater and starts shooting, he killed twelve and wounded fifty-eight more. August 2012, Oak Creek, Wisconsin again,  a gunman kills six people at Sikh temple before being shot dead by police. September 2012, Minneapolis, a gunman kills six including himself and wounds five more inside a small sign company. December 2012, Newtown, Connecticut,  a 20-year old gunman with mental problems killed his mother and then shot his way into the Sandy Hook Elementary School and started killing people. He killed twenty small children and six adults and then shot himself.  February 2013, a former Navy officer and Los Angeles policeman declared war on the LAPD, over a period of nine days he killed four people including three police officers and wounded three more before eventually committing suicide by cop.  March 2013, Herkimer, upstate New York, a 64-year old man lit his apartment on fire, then coolly walked into a local barber shop and started shooting. He killed two and wounded two more. Then he drove to another business and killed two more.  He killed a police dog and was subsequently gunned down by the canine’s human partners. June 2013, Santa Monica, California, a 23-year old man went on a killing spree that left six people dead and four wounded and ended when he was shot dead by police inside the Santa Monica College Library.  July 2013, Hialeah, Florida, a man living with his mother lit their apartment on fire and then went on a rampage throughout the living complex, he killed seven before police returned the favor.  Twelve more dead at the Washington Navy Yard.  Another murdered standing watching on a pier in Norfolk. Four more dead, including the shooter, again on Fort Hood, Texas. Charleston, South Carolina, a racist sat quietly for an hour among the congregation of Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church, then without warning he  murdered nine people during prayer service and wounded a tenth – he was hoping to start a race war. Chattanooga, a self-declared Jihadist suffering from depression and drug use, mad at the US government, shot up a military recruiting center in a strip mall then drove to a local Navy operations support center and launched another attack, he killed four Marines and a Sailor and then died in a gunfight with law enforcement.

And now, Lafayette, Louisiana, a drifter with a gun fired thirteen rounds into a crowded movie theater. He killed two people, wounded nine, and then turned the gun on himself when police closed in.


And here we are yet again. Bang, bang, bang.


Another massacre. Friends, bereft families grieving with loss and concern, a nation left shaken with shock and outrage, left wondering why? How?

Another murderous lunatic with a gun in his hand and a score to settle.

Another excuse from the National Rifle Association and a do-nothing Congress.

Another bloody horror. 

And it’s a horror that has become all too common here in America. 

It’s a horror that while it still shocks and appalls us Gun violence, it is no longer a surprise – and hasn’t been for a very long time. It’s just who we are. This is the country we live in. Bang, bang, bang.

Three mass shootings in less than a month. It’s the set up for a truly American joke, isn’t it? So, a racist, a terrorist, and a suicidal drifter walk into a public place and start murdering people, what do they all have in common? C’mon, guess.


I’ll let you figure out the punch line for yourself.


The fabled gun battles of the American Old West have nothing on the modern slaughter. Gun fuelled mass murder isn’t the exception any longer, it’s as common and as American as, well, apple pie and happens on average about once twice a month.

What’s that, you say? Oh yes, another grinning nut with a stupid haircut and a personal arsenal killed some people? Tsk tsk terrible isn’t it? Did they catch him this time, did he kill himself, or did the police shoot him down like the dog he was? People say he was a nice guy, quiet, kept to himself, kind of odd but, man, didn’t see this coming, no Sir.  Here’s a picture of him smiling like a crazy guy, look at those eyes, they’re crazy eyes, anybody could tell he was going to snap. He probably tortured small animals and has his grandmother’s head in the freezer. It’s the parents’ fault you know, for not raising him right.  It’s the atheists’ fault for taking Jesus out of the schools. It’s the doctors, why don’t they get crazy people off the street? It’s the goddamned police, they’re never around when you need them. It’s the government. He’s probably a veteran, you know, those guys are all on the edge.  Guns don’t kill people, you know, no Sir, they don’t. In fact a good guy with a gun is the only … Oops, gotta go, Duck Dynasty is on.

And now? Well, now we Americans will go through the same old oh so utterly predictable dance: 

Stage One, Confusion:

Mass killings are still big news. I have no idea how much longer this will be so, Americans quickly grow bored with sequels. Unless the next act of mass murder is done by a guy in a Bruce Willis costume shooting a chain-gun from the back of a crashing stealth fighter in the middle of Times Square, I suspect that eventually we’ll just stop watching. 

Some guy went bonkers and killed a bunch of people? Yawn, I’ve seen worse.

However, for now, mass murder is still the number one a news show money maker, guaranteed to pull in a Forty-share.

Problem is, there’s just not enough actual information about the event to fill up the airwaves.

Nobody really knows anything. 

But Americans aren’t interested in facts and they’re for damned sure not interested in waiting.

Americans want their news the same way they want their food, they don’t care if it’s good for them or not so long as it’s quick and it comes in SuperSize.  

So, over the next few days, until America loses interest, the news outlets will each issue at least three versions of the story, all different, all mutually contradictory. Accuracy doesn’t matter, being first is what matters. Blame, that’s what matters, we need to assign blame to somebody, liberals, gays, commies, survivalists, the mentally ill, somebody is at fault and the sooner we assign the blame the sooner we can get back to our freedom and liberty and civilization. 

And besides, it’s not like those first false reports and poor reporting will be wasted, the conspiracy nuts will print those out and tape them up on their bulletin boards right next to pictures of that grassy knoll and WTC #7. False Flag! False Flag! They’ll shout gleefully and manufacture their own false information fresh from their fevered imaginations and within days the airwaves and the internet will be filled with their wild speculation.

You’ll get interviews with at least four witnesses who didn’t actually see anything, including at least one middle-aged hypochondriac who wasn’t actually there on the day of the massacre but once, way back when, happened to be in the same building, and so had to be hospitalized because she was so traumatized by the close call.

You’ll get interviews with at last three professional victims who weren’t there but were near similar events and whose stories are now somehow relevant.

You’ll get earnest opinions from two experts in fields completely unrelated to anything that actually transpired, and CNN will interview at least one former non-combatant Air Force Major who was stationed in Nevada during the Iraq invasion and now teaches law at a small Women’s college on the East Coast.

Eventually, each news outlet will trot out their one remaining gray haired genuine distinguished Newsman, and in dour solemn tones he’ll ponderously opine on the miserable state of journalism in this modern age – then he’ll condemn all the other stations for getting it wrong.


Stage Two, Speculation:

Since there isn’t any real information and by the time there actually is America will have completely lost interest, the important thing is to fill up the media channels with something.

The talking heads and paid conspiracy mongers will wax fat and feculent, they’ll condemn the president and talk about false flag operations, hiding their sly grins behind their plastic outrage while the money rolls in.

News anchors, talk shows, bloggers, pundits, and the endless ill-informed mouth-breathing Yahoo commenter will each and all put forward their opinion:

- The shooter is a liberal. It’s all part of a plot by the America-hating tree-hugging, New World Order to make peaceful, patriotic gun owners look bad, then the government will send Interpol in their sissy blue UN uniforms to take away our guns. Oh noes! To the bunkers!

- The shooter is a Muslim. Of course he is. You just can’t trust those people. They hate America. He probably thinks he’ll get forty virgins in Paradise for every American he killed. We should kill all the Muslims.

- The shooter is a member of the NRA. He’s a gun nut. Those guys are all crazy with their gun shows and gun magazines and gun clubs and guns. We should outlaw the NRA.

- The shooter is a member of the Tea Party. The shooter is a member of the Occupy Movement. Sure. They hate everybody and they can’t wait to start killing us all and tearing down America.

- The shooter was just fed up. He was an Illegal alien. He was a member of Al Qaida. He was a Jew. He was abused as a child, born again, gay.

By the time the sad truth comes out, if it ever does, that he was just another nut listening to the voices only he could hear, nobody will care. The only thing Americans will remember is that he is yet another sterling example of whatever political point they’re trying to make at that particular moment.


Stage Three, Comparison:

Speaking of furthering particular agendas:

The conservative channels will start running footage of Columbine, Fort Hood, and Waco. The liberal channels will start running footage of the Giffords shooting and Virginia Tech and Sandy Hook.  None of those incidents really has much to do with the current horror, but they are images of bodies and blood and bullets and that’s what counts when you’re explaining how this event is what happens when the End Times are nigh or civilization is on the brink of collapse.

It’s important to associate this mass murder with other horrible events in order to shape public perception in the proper manner regardless of the fact that there is little connection or comparison to be had.

All channels will talk about Bath Salts and Reefer Madness and the unpredictable side effects of depression medication. There’s no indication as yet that the shooter was taking drugs, but then again there isn’t any indication that he wasn’t either.

And, of course, there’s the PTSD and, you know, we should expect more of this kind of thing as veterans start to come unscrewed. Especially if they were bullied as children. Or abused. Or into comic books, or video games, or porn. And, well, even if the guy had nothing to do with the military, it’s important to stress that returning veterans are murderously unstable and something should be done.

The simple truth of the matter is that you don’t walk into a crowd and start shooting people unless you’re, at least to some degree, nuts. But that’s just not enough for us, is it?

They can’t just be nuts, or rather they can be, nuts, but it has to mean something. Somehow. Even though the shooter might be completely insane, America will still demand a sane, rational, understandable reason for their behavior.

Which naturally will lead to endless arguments regarding the sorry state of mental health in this country.

Which, of course, will almost immediately devolve into a debate on Obamacare.


However, all of this, Steps One through Three are just the warm up act. Next we get to the main event:

Stage Four, Blame:

Let’s blame Hollywood. Violent movies and violent video games and rock and roll music. That’s what it is.

Let’s blame the families. It’s bad parenting, this guy’s folks should have their asses kicked for raising a psychopath.  But since we can’t do that, we'll punish the shooter’s family by having every single news agency in the world camp out on his mother’s front porch, and we’ll ask her important questions such as “what are you feeling right now?”

Let’s blame the Liberals with their liberalism, their political correctness, their communist Nazism, their coddling of criminals, their gun control and the gay agenda.

Let’s blame the Conservatives with their conservatism, their guns and their bibles and their callous disregard of the human condition. It’s their fault, of course it is.

Let’s blame it on the Me Generation, these selfish little bastards, always with their hands out, me me me. It’s social media, it’s Twitter and Facebook and those self centered bloggers looking for attention.

Let’s blame the Muslims and the godless goat humping atheists and Fast & Furious and bad teachers and Benghazi and Obama and the secret manipulations of the Illuminati.

The politicians and their supporters will all, each and every one, gleefully make hay. Oh they’ll all, each and every one, wax poetic over the dead (with the exception of certain predictable talk radio pundits who’ll insinuate that the dead had it coming for being unprepared and unarmed and ungodly), and they’ll even wipe away sorrowful bitter tears and pause for a moment in patriotic remembrance with their hands over their flinty black hearts with the flags waving and crackling in the cold breeze at just the right camera angle, and they’ll condemn the other guy for politicizing the tragedy, and then they will make just as much political hay out of this as they can because somebody is damned well to blame for this mess.  And it sure isn’t going to be them, no sir, it’s the other guy and his un-American agenda, vote for me!

Somebody is responsible.

Oh sure, the shooter might have pulled the trigger, he might have planned it all and bought the guns and built the bombs and put on the body armor, but somebody else is to blame. 

Stage Five, Bang Bang Crazy:

And so, once again, inevitably, we circle around the wheel to the perennial American argument: 

Guns don’t kill people, crazy people with guns kill people who don’t have guns.

Therefore, we should ban all guns! No, wait, if we ban all guns then only people with guns will have guns so they’ll kill the people who don’t have the guns and then there will only be people with guns left and then they’ll kill each other because if you ban guns only people with guns will be criminals and when the government comes to get our guns only the criminals will be free because liberty equals guns! Also what about bears? OK, then we should give everybody guns! But if everybody has guns then even criminals will have guns and brown people and yellow people and illegal people and crazy people who don’t love Jesus will have guns and they will break into our houses to steal our guns and rape our women and eat our babies and take our liberty so then police and the military will need bigger guns to keep us safe from those people but then we’ll need even bigger guns because otherwise we won’t be safe from the cops who will use their guns to take our freedom! OK, well then how about a reasonable common sense compromise? We all agree that as Americans it’s our basic right to keep and own firearms. But also, some people really, really shouldn’t be allowed to own even a Nerf slingshot, let alone a machine that can punch a couple hundred fist sized holes in a room full of people in under a minute. How about we maybe talk about some kind of reasonable way to keep guns out of the hands of criminals, terrorists, and crazy people? What! Communist! Nazi! How dare you? Second Amendment! Second Amendment! Every red-blooded true blue American has the God given right to own a fully automatic meat-grinding bone-shattering blood-spattering high capacity killing machine if they want to, the Founding Fathers said so! USA! USA! Dead kids? Mass murder? Blood in the streets? That’s the price you pay for freeeeeeeeedom! Besides if there had only been one, just one, god fearing patriot with his own concealed meat-grinding bone-shattering blood-spattering high-capacity peacemaker there at that massacre, why he’d have stood up in his genuine American made American Flag Shirt of Patriotic American By God Freedom and fired up his laser-sight and he would have put that animal down right goshdarned there! Remember, when seconds count the police are only minutes away and idiotic empty NRA platitudes have saved more lives than Charlton Heston did in all those bible movies. Booyah, Baby, give me a Glock Nine and an extended mag any day. Also, we need more Jesus. ‘Round and round in one long run-on paragraph of fury and hysteria and flag waving spittle flecked madness. America, Fuck ya!


Stage Six, Acceptance:

By the time it’s determined that the shooter was just plain nuts and his bloody motivation was just plain incomprehensible to sane reasonable people, most Americans will have long since changed the channel and forgotten about it, lost in the bloody mayhem of the next gun fueled mass murder.

Meanwhile Congress, ever eager to do something, will yet again stage a mock vote to defund healthcare in America because they are completely unable to do anything that actually matters other than squabble amongst themselves like spoiled petulant children.

Nothing will be done about the real problem because nothing can be done.

That’s the price you pay for freeeeeeeeeeedom: crazy people with guns.


Besides, it probably won’t happen again.

Stage Seven: Déjà Vu:

See Step One.




Nothing, and I mean nothing not even religion or abortion, generates the hate mail that any article on guns does.

As I’ve said here many, many, many times, and will obviously have to say many, many, many more times: I’ve spent my entire life around weapons, all kinds of weapons – some of which you can’t even imagine. I started shooting when I was about four or so. I got my first deer at 14 and I still own the rifle I shot it with. I helped design, field, and test weapons and I used them for real in the combat zone. I likely know more about weapons and their use than any other ten people you’re likely to come across. I wrote US military war fighting doctrine regarding certain weapon systems. I own guns, all kinds. I’m rated an expert shot with either hand.  I teach guns. I’ve taught guns for nearly 30 years now, I am a professional Rangemaster trained at the Smith&Wesson Rangemaster Academy. I used to shoot professionally, I trained with law enforcement and military instructors. I spent my entire life in the military, in warzones around the world. I have a Concealed Carry Permit and I used to have an FFL (I got tired of paying the annual fee, so I let it lapse).

I know something about guns.

I’ll tell you something: the ignorant, illiterate, and cognitively challenged NRA nuts who troll this site every time I post something about guns are the very last people I would allow on my range or allow to handle weapons anywhere near me or mine. If you’re taking orders from Ted Nugent and Tom Selleck you are fucking insane. These people are every bit as insane as the murderous lunatics described in the text above who thought that guns were a solution for their own personal inadequacies.

These people have taken the Second Amendment and perverted it all out of recognition.

However, for the record, the post above does not, repeat does not, advocate for or against any additional laws, regulations, bans, or any other form of gun control.

What I actually said was that all the arguments were oh so tediously predictable. 

What I said was the usual folks would call for gun control.

What I said was then in response the usual folks would scream about Nazis and fascism and explain why nothing ever can work and how dead kids are just the price you pay for freedom.

What I said was that nothing, absolutely nothing, will change. The slaughter will continue. The argument will continue. And nothing will change because we will not let it change, we would rather die than allow a reasoned conversation to take place, let alone any action of any kind.

What I said was that we can’t even have the conversation.

And that is exactly what is happening, because that’s what always happens. Every. Single. Time.

Both sides are perfectly convinced that they are right. That’s it and that’s all. Period. No compromise. No no no. End of discussion and fuck you, Liberals. No, fuck you, Conservatives. 

You cannot reason with unreasonable people and the people on both sides of this ongoing monkey shitfest are profoundly unreasonable people.

People called me a cynic.

They said I was wrong.

But it’s been more than two three years since I wrote the original version of this essay. How many mass murders have happened in that time? How many Americans have died in front of a gun muzzle? Hell, we’re up to three mass murders a month now.

And nothing, not one goddamned thing, has changed.

I think I’m entitled to say: I told you sons of bitches so.

// Jim Wright, Stonekettle Station


The follow-up series, Bang Bang Crazy, explores certain aspects of the insanity that is the American obsession with guns in more detail.

Bang Bang Crazy, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9 and Bang Bang Sanity.

A note about commenting:

Comments on this post are now in excess of 200.  When that happens you have to scroll to the bottom of the comment queue and hit “load more.” You may have to do this several times to see all the comments including the nested ones. This is a function of the Blogger platform, I have no control over it. // Jim Wright/Stonekettle Station.

Monday, July 20, 2015

The Republican Tell Tale Heart

"The reality is that John McCain the politician has made America less safe, sent our brave soldiers into wrong-headed foreign adventures, covered up for President (Barack) Obama with the VA scandal and has spent most of his time in the Senate pushing amnesty. He would rather protect the Iraqi border than Arizona's."
- Donald Trump, USA Today OpEd, 7/20/2015


Just stop with the fake outrage.

You’re not fooling anybody, Republicans, not even yourselves.

Donald Trump?

You’re mad at Donald Trump?

Because he disparaged John McCain’s military service.

Saturday, during a campaign stop in Iowa, Trump took a shot at Senator John McCain

He’s not a war hero. He’s a war hero because he was captured. I like people that weren’t captured.”


I can’t believe Trump said that out loud. Oh how terrible. How insulting…

… If you’re a liberal.

Sure, liberals. Aren’t they the sissy sensitive ones? Always insulted and upset by blunt talk? Of course, you can see how liberals would be upset by Trump’s opinion of that loser McCain.

But conservatives? C’mon.

They hate that politically correct shit. Having to be polite. Diplomatic. Mind other people’s feelings. Watch your words. All that faggy sissy bullshit. Go cry me a river.

Well, you know, unless somebody calls Palin’s kid a retard, I mean, then, well, okay, maybe that’s a bridge too far even for blunt speaking Republicans. Sure, I think we can all agree on that one.

But most times, if you’re insulted well that’s just too goddamned bad, that’s how real Americans talk.  Like Trump. Conservatives, see, they say it like it is. In your face, you bunch of pussies. 

So, yeah, let’s talk about John McCain’s war record. Hero? Only a zero gets captured. Loser. Shitbag. John McCain, why he’s a regular Bowe Bergdahl who signed a confession and betrayed America on TV. He was in the Hanoi Hilton for years, who knows what that traitor told the NVA? That’s what we’re talking about, right? Just another fucking whiner, John McCain, complaining about what we owe veterans. A real genuine American hero would have fought to the death Rambo-style while singing God Bless America and taking a bunch o’ them Commie gooks to hell with him. That’s what you’re thinking right? Well, isn’t it?

Trump just had the big Red, White, and Blue American balls to say it out loud. 

Hey, remember John Kerry? Conservatives sure had plenty to say about John Kerry, didn’t they? Back when that socialist coward Kerry was running for President of America against George Bush, a real genuine By God American Patriot and Star Spangled Veteran. I mean, Kerry, what kind of hero is awarded three Purple Hearts? The kind that’s too stupid to duck, I guess. Just another liberal traitor who hates America.  You know, I like people that weren’t shot. Three times. In the service of their country. I’m just saying.

And what about Chuck Hagel? Good old Republican Chuck Hagel. He was a real hero … right up until he betrayed America by going to work for Barack Obama, right? We can say it, can’t we, Conservatives? What kind of hero, what kind of hero would do that? The guy probably has a poster of Chairman Mao tacked up on the wall in his den, right next to the autographed picture of Jane Fonda.

What was it Republican Joe Walsh said about Democrat Tammy Duckworth? Oh yes, I remember, “Now I’m running against a woman who, my God, that’s all she talks about. Our true heroes, it’s the last thing in the world they talk about.” LTC Duckworth lost both legs flying combat missions in Iraq, but you know, that stupid bitch should just keep her goddamned liberal mouth shut about it. Maybe throw a blanket over her lap so we don’t have to look at it. She’s no hero, isn’t that right, Conservatives?

How about me?

I’m a vet. I fought for America. Twenty-four years on active duty. I got a box full of decorations myself around here somewhere. But I’m a loser too, right? I get a hundred emails a week from conservatives, from flag-waving gun-humping Republicans, telling me that my service doesn’t count, that I’m a traitor and an enemy and a piece of shit because I’m not a conservative.

And you’re mad because Trump mocked John McCain’s service?

Answer a question for me, Republicans, how is what Trump said any different, any more outrageous, any more insulting or obnoxious, than the things you’ve been saying about your president? About your neighbors? About veterans like me?

You know who you people are?

You’re the ones who call black people “niggers” when you think nobody but “real” Americans are listening.

And then, one day, your kid uses that word in front of a black man. And you’re all embarrassed and upset. Heh heh, Mr. Negro, Sir. I have no idea, no idea, where little Donny learned that word. Bad, Donny, bad! You apologize right now to this inferior thug before he rapes Mommy and robs a liquor store!

Donald Trump is the face of the modern Republican party.

Trump has been polling at the top of the GOP field and you’re just now figuring out what a douchebag he is? Well, that’s just plain hysterical.

Trump badmouthed old Johnny Walnuts, insulted his military service, did he?

And you’re all insulted and outraged? Heh heh, sorry Mr. Veteran, Sir. I have no idea where Little Donny learned that behavior from, no idea. Bad, Donny, bad! You apologize to this faggoty liberal pinko commie traitor right now!

Gee, I wonder where Little Donny learned those words, learned his contempt, learned to Swiftboat a veteran. Gee, I wonder.


Donald Trump is the GOP personified.


Republicans don’t need anybody else. You don’t need Lindsey Graham or Rick Perry or Ted Cruz or Carly Fiorina or Scott Walker or Rand Paul or Rick Santorum or Ben Carson or Chris Christie or Mike Huckabee or Bobby Jindal or Marco Rubio.

Not when you have Donald Trump.

Trump is all 31 flavors of GOP crazy. He’s got it all. Donald Trump, this oafish, overfed, self-centered, posturing, loud-mouthed, jingoistic, money worshipping, science-denying, gay hating, government hating, immigrant hating, liberal hating, poor hating, Israel loving, birth certificate demanding, race baiting, draft dodging war-mongering obnoxious blowhard, this capering braggart, this Viagra-fueled comb-over right here is the very embodiment of the modern conservative.

Go on, Conservatives, put a cowboy hat on him and a pistol in his hand. Hang a pair of Truck Nutz from his Armani belt loop. Raise the Confederate Battle Flag. Yeehaw! America, fuck ya! Trump 2016!

Donald Trump is the perfect Republican.

No wonder he embarrasses them.

The point is that you can't be too greedy.
- Donald Trump





Folks, let's get something straight:

I have no use for Senator John McCain. None. I think the guy is a dangerous unhinged nut and I've said so at length.

However, I won't put up with the Swiftboating of his military service. Especially by those who have never served.

I'm not asking you to respect John McCain, or even his military service. I'm for damned sure not asking you to use the word "hero" and I'd be just as happy if we never, any of us, used that goddamned word again. Ever. But, whatever McCain is, whatever his failings as a Senator and as a human being, he went when called and did his duty under terrible circumstance. He went when called when many others did not. He went when called, he may have been the bottom of his class and an admittedly poor pilot, but he met the standards and he did the job. If that's not courage, I don't know what is and if you think you could do better under similar circumstances, you go right ahead and hold up your right hand and put on the uniform and step up to the mark.

There is a line, Folks.

It is one thing to criticize the man's behavior in congress, it is another thing entirely to perpetuate rumors and engage in swiftboating. Don't do it here. Don't do it on my Facebook page. Don't send me messages or email.

There is a line.

You cross it and you'll find me standing on the other side next to my comrades in arms.

There is a line and if I have to explain where it is, you wouldn't understand the answers.

There is a line and if you cross it, don't be surprised by what comes next.

Friday, June 26, 2015

Bang Bang Sanity

Here we are yet again.

Nine more Americans slaughtered by a raging madman with a gun and bad haircut.

Nine more innocents slaughtered because we absolutely, utterly, refuse to do anything to prevent it.

This time it was Charleston, but it could have been anywhere.

The place, the names, the blood and the hate, the insanity, they’re all the same.

I waited a week to see what would happen. To see if it would be different this time.

But, of course, it’s not.

It never is.

Oh, they’ll haul down the Confederate Battle Flag, that stinking banner of treasonous bigotry, sure. Social media will raise a great cry of joy at the victory, but it won’t end racism in America any more than outlawing the swastika in Germany got rid of the skinheads. It’s a start, certainly, and one a hundred years overdue, but it won’t do a damned thing to get at the real problem.

And it certainly won’t stop the gun violence in America.

When US Congresswoman Gabby Giffords was shot in the head by a grinning nut with a gun, we watched six people including a little girl die. Eighteen people were wounded that day. I wrote about rights and responsibilities and about Second Amendment Solutions.  We Americans, we talked about maybe doing something.  Some demanded more laws. Some demanded more guns. Some blamed liberals. Some blamed conservatives. Some blamed mental health. Some blamed the victims. Everybody blamed Obama.

Predictably, nothing changed.

Then another lunatic with a gun slaughtered twelve people inside a movie theater and wounded seventy more.

I wrote The Seven Stages of Gun Violence.  Over the last thirty-six months I’ve updated that piece numerous times with another, and another, and another, and another, and yet another case of armed madness and bloody mayhem.

I said then nothing will change, that nothing can change because we Americans will not change it. We can’t even have a civil conversation about it. Guns are an obsession in our country, a lunatic insanity, the mere mention of which makes us bang bang crazy.

I said that the slaughter will continue, and it has with terrible regularity.

I said liberals will blame conservatives, and they do.

I said conservatives will blame liberals, and they do.

I said the same old argument will continue. And so it has, repetitious and as predictable as clockwork, bang, bang, bang.

And nothing changed.

Fully half of Americans apparently believe gun violence can somehow be brought under control with the addition of yet more gun violence – which is a lot like saying drunk driving can be cured if we just put more drunk people behind the wheel.  They might be right, in an evolutionary sense, but it’s small comfort to those killed and maimed in the resulting blood bath.

The simple truth of the matter is that gun violence isn’t the exception in America, it’s who we are.

The president was right, you don’t find this kind of gun violence in other First World countries. 

What? What’s that? Oh, of course, France. Charlie Hebdo. Fair enough. I’ll give you Charlie Hebdo. Tell you what, I’ll even spot you Anders Behring Breivik. Now, your turn, quick, name twenty more. Name ten more incidents of gun violence in France. Name ten more incidents of gun violence in Norway. No, no, don’t Google it. If it’s as common there as it is here, you should have no trouble naming five examples in either country right off the top of your head.

So go ahead, name them.

What’s the matter? Can’t do it?

Funny, you sure as shit can name that many incidents of gun violence, five, ten, twenty, right here in  America, can’t you? In the last three years.

Gun violence is who we are.

We’re bang bang crazy.

We actually have “National Gun Appreciation Day” in America. All of our heroes are packing. Guns and violence solve all of our problems.  Books, TV, movies, video games, law enforcement, foreign policy, we can’t think of a solution that doesn’t involve guns, or the threat of them. In the United States we believe gun ownership is a fundamental civil right, a Constitutional right … and access to food, clean water, education and healthcare are not. We proudly tell ourselves that an armed society is a polite society, a civil society, a law abiding society – even though that is patently and provably untrue in every example. We say that armed citizens, a good guy with a gun, stop crime, even though that is patently and provably untrue in large part. In America, “guns” and “religion” are commonly used in the same sentence. In America, it’s now possible to print your own untraceable and undetectable gun with a 3D Assembler and a computer and won’t that be fun? We have so many incidents of gun violence in this country that after a while they all just start to sound the same.  In America, guns are so important to us that we demand even those with diagnosed psychological problems have access to guns. And when those same people go on a murderous killing spree, we say it was God’s will and we say it was the victims who were at fault for not having guns of their own – which is exactly what was said at Sandy Hook and last week in Charleston.

Small wonder then that the nuts and disaffected and the simple-minded haters reach for that Second Amendment solution. Honestly, what other examples do we offer?

And so what do we do about it?

As a firearms expert and as a gun owner, and I am both, I’ll say to you in all candor: more guns are not the solution. Having people armed in schools and churches is not the solution. Carrying your mini-14 in a tactical harness to the grocery store isn’t the solution. Living in an armed camp isn’t the goddamned solution. 

You can’t fight drunk driving with more drunk drivers.

So what then? More laws?

Maybe, if they’re the right laws.

The gun fetishists at the National Rifle Association often argue criminals and crazy people don’t obey the law, so more laws won’t stop them – new gun laws only punish “responsible” gun owners and take away their Constitutional rights.

There’s a certain amount of truth to this.

Whenever this comes up, I always ask: what laws would have prevented this latest slaughter?

The response is usually some vague hand waving about more background checks. But background checks wouldn’t have prevented Charleston. They wouldn’t have prevented Columbine. They wouldn’t have prevented Sandy Hook. They wouldn’t have prevented Aurora.  They wouldn’t have prevented Fort Hood, twice. They wouldn’t have kept Gabby Giffords from being shot in the head. They would not have stopped Christopher Dorner. Neither would banning assault weapons. Or high capacity magazines. Or mandating smart gun technology. Or more gun-free zones.

And in this, the NRA is provably correct.

But what both the anti-gun lobby and the pro-gun lobby get wrong is this: While it’s often true laws don’t stop criminals, that is not the law’s purpose

Laws don’t stop crime. It would be nice if they did, but laws don’t stop crime. Instead laws give society legal recourse when its members engage in antisocial behavior.

If there wasn’t a law against theft, you couldn’t prosecute somebody for stealing.

If there wasn’t a law against murder, you couldn’t imprison somebody for killing another.

Laws against theft and murder don’t stop theft and murder, they give society legal options when theft and murder occur.

Saying new gun laws won’t end gun violence is a non sequitur. Of course guns laws won’t end gun violence.

Laws don’t stop crime, however what well written laws do is to put responsibility where it belongs – on the criminal.

Well written laws are about pragmatism.

For example, we all know that laws against drinking and driving won’t stop drunk driving, but they weren’t intended to. We know it’s going to happen. People are going to drink and drive and kill themselves and each other. We know we can’t eliminate it completely. That’s the pragmatism part.

Instead, drunk driving laws were intended to do two things, 1) give us legal recourse as a society, 2) make us responsible for our antisocial behavior – which in turn leads over time to a change in culture.

And that change significantly, measurably, reduced drinking and driving and provably saved lives and made American roads a safer place for all of us.

But, and this is important so pay attention, here’s what those laws didn’t do: they didn’t keep those of us who take responsibility for our own actions from 1) drinking, or 2) driving (note the operative word here is or).

And that’s the answer.

We need gun laws that give society legal recourse by making each gun owner/user personally accountable for their own actions.

Those laws should be designed to change our gun culture over time in order to make gun violence less likely. And, of course, those laws should not keep those of us who take responsibility for our own actions from exercising our Second Amendment rights.

Now, what exactly does such a law look like?

Well, it looks like the NRA.


I’ll pause for a minute until you finish screaming.


Look, let’s be honest.

More gun-free zones won’t do a damned thing. The Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church was a gun-free zone.

More background checks won’t do a damned thing – not unless we’re willing to get serious about it, unless we standardize background checks across the nation to include a complete and thorough investigation like the kind used for federal security clearances. We’re talking full national agency checks with interviews by certified investigators (what security clearance adjudicators call a NAC-I). Those cost about $100K and take four to six months. Such a system would require a complete disclosure of all financial, criminal (including juvenile records), and medical records (including mental health records), periodic updates, and a comprehensive database of all gun owners.  It’s possible, but I suspect neither affordable nor politically feasible. Anything less than that is a waste of time. Q.E.D.

Banning the future sales of assault weapons, certain types of ammo, and large capacity magazines won’t do a damned thing. That horse is out of the barn.

So what would?

Well, we make the NRA’s own rules federal law.

That’s right.



On my range, on any range, military, law enforcement, or civilian, the first rule of gun safety is this:

Always assume the gun is loaded, unless you personally have verified that it is unloaded.

Everything depends from that anchor point.


You always assume the gun is loaded. Always. Every time. Even if you just watched somebody else unload it. When you pick up a weapon or accept it from somebody else, you assume it is loaded until you, yourself, personally unload it or verify visually and physically that it is unloaded. Period. No exceptions.

Now, I doubt anybody would want to argue that rule.

Make it the law.

Every gun user is personally responsible for knowing the condition of their weapon. No exceptions.

Every year, hundreds of people are shot with unloaded guns.  In the last year I’ve counted dozens of reports of “accidental” discharges, a number at gun shows by so-called experts. For example, last year in Medina, Ohio, a man was wounded at a gun show by a gun dealer, a gun dealer, who was checking out a semi-automatic handgun he had just bought. The dealer took the gun from the seller and accidentally pulled the trigger without clearing the weapon first. The gun’s magazine had been removed from the firearm but one round remained in the chamber. Both the seller and the buyer should have been held criminally liable for failure to properly clear the weapon.

“I thought it was empty” is the single most common excuse when somebody “accidentally” discharges a weapon.

There are no accidents with guns.

There. Are. No. Accidents.

It’s a killing machine. You’re responsible. Period. No exceptions.

We start right there: anyone who picks up a gun is responsible for its condition. No excuses. Misdemeanor for failure to know the condition of your weapon if only property damage is involved, felony negligence if somebody is injured including yourself, manslaughter if somebody dies.

The next rule of safe gun handling is:

Always point the gun in a safe direction. 

Every year hundreds of people are killed or injured by guns because the operator failed to keep the weapon pointed in a safe direction.

Last year, a pregnant woman, Katherine Lynn Bryan, was shot in the head by William DeHayes. DeHayes was showing Bryan and her husband some of his guns, including a .22-caliber revolver. He picked the gun up, didn’t verify that it was unloaded, failed to maintain muzzle control in a safe direction, failed to keep his finger off the trigger, and inadvertently shot Bryan in the head. She died. So did her baby. The papers called it an “accident.” The police called it an “accident.” DeHayes called it an “accident.”

There are no accidents with guns.

DeHayes didn’t face any charges and he’s still a gun owner.

Know how to use the gun safely.
Before handling a gun, learn how it operates. Know its basic parts, how to safely open and close the action and remove any ammunition from the gun or magazine. Remember, a gun's mechanical safety device is never foolproof. Nothing can ever replace safe gun handling.

Be sure the gun is safe to operate.
Just like other tools, guns need regular maintenance to remain operable. Regular cleaning and proper storage are a part of the gun's general upkeep. If there is any question concerning a gun's ability to function, a knowledgeable gunsmith should look at it.

Use only the correct ammunition for your gun.
Only BBs, pellets, cartridges or shells designed for a particular gun can be fired safely in that gun. Most guns have the ammunition type stamped on the barrel. Ammunition can be identified by information printed on the box and sometimes stamped on the cartridge. Do not shoot the gun unless you know you have the proper ammunition.

Regular cleaning is important in order for your gun to operate correctly and safely. Before cleaning your gun, make absolutely sure that it is unloaded. The gun's action should be open during the cleaning process. Also, be sure that no ammunition is present in the cleaning area.

A few months ago, right across the street from my house here in the Alaskan MatSu, a woman was getting her kids out of her car in a church parking lot. Her .357 fell out of its holster, hit the ground, discharged, and struck her 4 year old child in the leg directly above his knee. Give that some thought, gun people. A .357 magnum round dead center into the bone of a 4 year old child’s leg at close quarters.

The police called it an accident.

There are no accidents with guns.

Always point the gun in a safe direction, that’s rule #1 of the NRA’s own guidelines.

Always keep your finger off the trigger until ready to shoot, that’s NRA rule #2.

Always keep the gun unloaded until ready to use, that’s NRA rule #3.

You’re responsible for your weapon at all times. You’re responsible for proper and secure carry. You’re responsible for keeping the weapon in proper operating order. You’re responsible for engaging the safety if the weapon is so equipped or for the use of other techniques if it is not. A properly maintained and carried weapon does not discharge when dropped, if it does, it’s your responsibility. Period. No excuses.

Make it the law.

Misdemeanor for failure to point your weapon in a safe direction, for unintentional discharge, for failure to properly maintain and use safety systems if only property damage is involved. Felony negligence if somebody is injured including yourself. Felony manslaughter if somebody dies.

Know your target and what is beyond.
Be absolutely sure you have identified your target beyond any doubt. Equally important, be aware of the area beyond your target. This means observing your prospective area of fire before you shoot. Never fire in a direction in which there are people or any other potential for mishap. Think first. Shoot second.

Make it the law.

Just as you’re responsible for keeping your weapon pointed in a safe direction at all times when not intending to shoot, any gun user should be lawfully accountable for correct target identification when shooting whether it’s on a target range or in the grocery store in defense of an active shooter situation. Period. No excuses. No exceptions.

Misdemeanor for failure to discharge your weapon in a safe direction if only property damage is involved, felony negligence if somebody is injured including yourself, manslaughter if somebody dies.

There are no accidents with guns.

Think first. Shoot second. On or off the range. You’re carrying a killing machine in public, it’s your responsibility. Not anybody else’s. Yours. Period. No excuses.

Never use alcohol or over-the-counter, prescription or other drugs before or while shooting.
Alcohol, as well as any other substance likely to impair normal mental or physical bodily functions, must not be used before or while handling or shooting guns.

We don’t allow people to operate a car, a boat, an airplane when intoxicated. We don’t let doctors to operate when drunk. We don’t allow cops or military personnel to drink on duty.

But every year thousands of Americans are killed or injured by drunks with guns and even the NRA knows just how insane that is and they put it in writing.

Make it the law.

Just like drinking and driving, you’re caught drinking with a gun, you take a breathalyzer or a blood test. We don’t need any new standards, the ones for DUI will work just fine. You’re intoxicated with a gun? You go to jail. And we impound your weapons.  Somebody is injured? Aggravated assault. Somebody is killed? Negligent homicide. You’re operating a killing machine, I don’t think sobriety is too much to ask.

Store guns so they are not accessible to unauthorized persons.
Many factors must be considered when deciding where and how to store guns. A person's particular situation will be a major part of the consideration. Dozens of gun storage devices, as well as locking devices that attach directly to the gun, are available. However, mechanical locking devices, like the mechanical safeties built into guns, can fail and should not be used as a substitute for safe gun handling and the observance of all gun safety rules.

Every year hundreds of people are killed by guns in the hands of people not authorized to have them.

You own a gun, it’s your responsibility. Period. No excuses.  If Adam Lanza’s idiot mother had properly secured her weapons, she and the innocents of Sandy Hook would still be alive. Hundreds of people are killed or injured every single year in the United States by unsecured weapons. Weapons are stolen and fall into the wrong hands, because they are not properly stored.

The NRA itself, by its own rules for safe gun handling, dictates that weapons must be stored so that they are not accessible to unauthorized persons. Note that the NRA doesn’t dictate the method, only the requirement.

Make it the law.

Misdemeanor for failure to properly store your weapon. Felony negligence if somebody is injured including yourself. Negligent homicide if somebody dies. Children are able to access your weapon because you failed to properly secure it? Felony child endangerment. No excuses. No exceptions.

And finally, though it’s not one of the NRA’s rules, I’d add

Never provide a gun to someone not authorized to have it.
If you purchase or otherwise obtain a firearm for another who you know is not legally able to own/operate a gun, you are responsible for that person’s resulting actions with that weapon.

If the people who buy weapons for those not authorized to have them were held to account for their actions, Charleston and Columbine wouldn’t have happened – or at least the likelihood would be significantly reduced.

There are no accidents when it comes to guns.

Make that, that right there, the law. There are no accidents when it comes to guns. Period. No excuses.

Make responsible gun ownership and usage federal law, uniform across the United States.

Conviction on misdemeanor gun safety charges? You lose the privilege for a specified period. You engage in remedial action? You prove you’ve learned your lesson? You prove you’ll be a responsible gun owner in the future? You get your guns back. Happens again, you lose the privilege forever. We don’t give drunk drivers more than two strikes either.

Conviction on felony gun handling charges? You lose the privilege. Period. Your name goes in the federal database and you never own or operate a gun again, this includes cops and military.

You’re caught with a gun after losing the privilege? You automatically go to prison, no plea deals, no excuses.

Don’t want to lose the privilege? Then all you have to do is follow the NRA’s own rules for responsible gun ownership.

Will this eliminate gun violence completely?

No, of course not.

Would implementation of this idea have prevented Charleston?

Maybe. Maybe not. But over time it would make such terrible events less likely and would hold those responsible for enabling the slaughter, such as Dylann Roof’s father (the guy who gave him the gun even though he knew his son wasn’t supposed to have it) to account right alongside the trigger-puller.

Over time, just like with the drunk driving laws, enforcing the NRA’s own rules, the same basic common sense rules that are used in the military, in law enforcement, on civilian gun ranges, and were taught to most of us by our fathers, will change our culture from one of gun fetishists to one of responsible gun owners. And that will reduce gun violence, just as the same approach has significantly reduced drinking and driving.

More, it will provide opportunity for the free market to fill in the gaps. Want to own a gun, but you’re afraid of running afoul of the law because you don’t know the rules? Don’t know how to properly shoot? Don’t know how to maintain and secure your weapon? Plenty of room in there for somebody to teach classes, say even the NRA – should they decide to return to the original charter of their once venerable organization and stop pandering to the lunatics and the gun manufacturers.

Note that I didn’t suggest that you had to take a class. States should decide that. Just like states decide how you’ll get a driver’s license, either by formal classroom or via a knowledgeable mentor. States can levy their own additional requirements. They want background checks, fine. They want waiting periods, fine. They want to limit certain weapons and ammo and specify gun-free zones, that’s up to them.

But at the federal level, we set a basic standard for responsible gun ownership: the NRA’s own rules.

There’s no reason why any gun owner should be oppose this idea. There is no reason why the NRA should oppose this. There is no reason why gun manufactures should oppose this. The rules are ones they all claim to follow now. The only difference is they will be legally responsible for it.

What I’m talking about here is pragmatism.

What I’m talking about is responsible gun culture.

What I’m talking about is sanity.



Other articles on gun violence referenced in this essay are summed up here.

The Seven Stages of Gun Violence

The Bang Bang Crazy series:

Part 1, What we need, see, are more guns, big fucking guns
Part 2, Gun violence isn't the exception in America, it's who we are
Part 3, Sandy Hook, the NRA, and a gun in every school
Part 4, More dead kids and why we have laws
Part 5, Gun control and a polite society
Part 6, The Christopher Dorner rampage, they needed killin'
Part 7, Still more dead kids and let's print our own guns!
Part 8, Let's try blaming the victim, shall we?
Part 9, Armed soldiers on post, sure, nothing to go wrong there.


About me:

As noted elsewhere, I’ve  been around guns my entire life. My dad taught me to shoot when I was a kid – in fact the very first gun I ever fired was my dad’s prized black powder .75 caliber smooth bore Civil War trench piece when I was about four years old. I still own my very first gun, bought from Meyer’s Thrifty Acres in Jenison, Michigan, for me by my dad when I was fourteen years old – a lever action Winchester 30-30. I got my first deer with that gun.  I grew up shooting, at home, in the Boy Scouts, hunting, target shooting, plinking, with friends and with family.  Thirty years ago I joined the military and spent my entire life there. I know more than a little about guns. I’m a graduate of the Smith & Wesson Rangemaster Academy, the nation’s premier firearms instructor school. I’m a certified armorer and gunsmith. I’ve attended pretty much every boarding officer and gun school the military has. I hold both the Expert Pistol and Expert Rifle Medals. I’ve taught small arms and combat arms to both military and civilians for nearly thirty years now. I’ve fired damned near everything the US military owns, from the old .38 revolver to a US Navy Aegis Guided Missile Cruiser’s 5” main battery – and everything in between. I can still field strip a Colt .45 M-1911 pistol and put it back together in under a minute, blindfolded – I happen to own several of them, along with numerous other semi-auto pistols and a number of revolvers. I used to shoot professionally and in competition. I helped to design, test, field, and fire in combat US Military weapons systems. I’ve spent my entire life in places where gun usage is extremely, extremely, common. I have a Concealed Carry Permit. I’m an Alaskan and I typically carry a gun in the wilds of Alaska on a regular basis. I am neither pro-gun nor anti-gun, a gun is a tool, nothing more. If you feel that I’m ignorant of guns, or that I’m anti-gun, or unAmerican, well, you’re welcome to speak your piece – just so long as you can live with what comes after.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Rachel Dolezal, In Passing



"Jim, how come you haven't written about this Rachel Dolezal thing?"

I’ve got piles of email about this.

About Rachel Dolezal, the former head of the Spokane chapter of the NAACP, who says she identifies as African American despite being born about as genetically Caucasian as it's possible to be in this world.

Why haven’t I written about it? Here or on my Facebook page?

Well, truth of the matter is that I have written about it, several times.

But I deleted the post before hitting publish.

It's less discretion before valor and more, Goddamn but I just don't want to deal with the resulting shitstorm (which you may refer to as cowardice if you like).

After a week of watching this unfold, a week of thinking about it from my whitey white white Irish/English/Dutch-American straight male identity, I’m not sure I have any more grasp than anybody else or any pithy insight that hasn’t already been offered. And I’m far from certain it’s even my place do so.

But write is what I do, and so this time I’m determined to get it down.

A white woman pretending to be black?

It’s a strange case. Unusual.

Given our history here in America, it’s always the other way around, isn’t it? We’ve got a word for it, passing, when a person of one race is accepted as a member of another.  In point of fact, in this case, to say Rachel Dolezal was “passing” as black, well, the word “passing” is itself a bit of a racial appropriation, since the word came from segregated African-American culture and is typically meant for a person of mixed ethnicity choosing to identify solely as white. It used to happen a lot, back when it was legal to discriminate against people of color here in America. And, of course, there is a lot of baggage that comes along with passing, on both sides of the racial divide. People of color generally resent those who hide their brown skinned origins and kinky hair and pass for white, gaining access to power and privilege. And those with the power and the privilege generally resent those who aren’t as racially pure as they pretend to be – and white people have a few terms of their own in that regard, ones that I’d be just as happy not to have repeated here.

But I think what boggles all of us the most, both black and white, is that in this case it’s a white person passing as black.

What, she was passing as white? Sure. I mean, given the choice? Right? Of course people would want to be white. Sure. But who passes as black? That’s just crazy, man.

That’s what we’re all thinking, right?

Honestly, none of us would have raised an eyebrow if it had been the other way around, would we?

That right there, that weird racist uncomfortable unsaid undercurrent, well, it says something about us Americans and how we still see both ourselves and others even after all our history.

And it tells us just how far we have left to go.

There is almost no way to discuss this without setting off all kinds of triggers, without dredging up an uncomfortable past and an even more uncomfortable present, without picking open scabs that should have been long healed but aren’t and may never be.

Naturally, rightfully so, a lot of people black and white are outraged by Dolezal’s duplicity. Her passing is offensive for many reasons.

Many people are perplexed - including, apparently, her parents and family. For some of the reasons I alluded to above.

And a rather distressing number of self-involved jackasses are attempting to leverage Rachel Dolezal’s duplicity to their advantage, playing a bizarre game of justification politics by making comparisons to Caitlyn Jenner and using terms such as "transracial” and looking for somebody to blame. Like absolutely everything else, they’re absolutely certain Dolezal’s choices somehow justify their opinion of liberals, conservatives, blacks, whites, commies, socialists, illegal immigrants, gay people, Obama, and the supposed downfall of America in a thundering myriad of logical fallacies. These people, well, you know at least they’re not hiding their true selves, they can always be counted on to be the exact assholes they are, selfish, self-centered bigoted scumbags who make every single thing about themselves. Always and without fail.

"I officially today announce that I identify as skinny. From this day going forward, I am skinny. Now in the old days, people’s reaction then would be to call me delusional and maybe think I needed some help. Today I’m brave; it’s a courageous act to identify as skinny when one is not, and I’m sure I will get accolades all across Twitter, and accolades all across Facebook, and accolades all across the drive-by media for positive-thinking now that I identify as skinny. I'm fully expecting that Weight Watchers and others like them will identify and welcome me into the fold as skinny, since I now identify that way. The way I see myself is the way I am, not how you see me. And if you don’t see me that way, you’re the bigot! I’m brave."
- Rush Limbaugh, 6/16/2015

Watching the whole sorry thing unfold on social media and in pundit-space provides a fascinating and revolting glimpse into how we Americans regard identity, race, ourselves, and each other.

And it’s not pretty.


My initial kneejerk reaction when the news broke was probably similar to most of you: What? Oh, that's just bullshit, man! Bullshit. This fraud is so full of it!

And I sat down to start typing ... and, you know, something horribly similar to Rush Limbaugh came out.

I don’t want to be Rush Limbaugh.

I don’t want to be that bombastic blustering bigot. 

I don’t want to be on the same side as Limbaugh or those like him. I don’t want to define myself that way, and I work damned hard not to. And I looked at it, at those words on the screen, at my own visceral reaction to a woman I’d never met, to a situation I’d never been in, and my own words came back to haunt me.

The only truly inalienable right is the right to define yourself.

That’s what I said. Many times. Here and elsewhere.

Well, sure, okay, but I generally put forward that ideal when I'm writing about gender/sexual identity, specifically when I'm addressing the specious "argument" commonly used by bigots, the one which goes: people choose their sexual identity.

But choosing your race or your ethnicity is different. Isn't it?

Or is it?

You have an inalienable right to define yourself. I've said that, many times, here, elsewhere, publicly, loudly. And either I believe what I said all the way or I’m as big of a poser as any of them. Limbaugh, see, he certainly doesn’t believe that. He wasn’t defending Dolezal’s right to define herself, just as he wasn’t defending Caitlyn Jenner’s right to define herself, he was just being a big fat condescending asshole. 

Limbaugh and the selfish sons of bitches like like him, they’re not outraged at Dolezal’s duplicity, and they are certainly not defending her rights (whatever they are in this case), rather they are using her to make racial and sexual inequality about themselves.

These are the very same people, the very same tone-deaf blind-to-history, ignorant of context bigots who boldly explain how it’s not racist for a white person to use the word “nigger,” see, because black rappers use it. They’re also the same people who call the president the same word, but say it’s not really racist because Obama is half white.  Right now, on the rightwing conservative outlet NewsMax, Limbaugh’s fans are one and all jerking each other off in the comments over how this incident somehow proves their viewpoints on equal opportunity and Obamacare and how white people are the real victims.

Now you have hit on the REAL problem, characterized by the question never asked - why should it matter? The problem is that we've created legal distinctions that are unjust: The law should apply equally to everyone. If Ms. Whatshername wants to "identify" as black what is the harm? If she uses that "identity" to get scholarships, grants, tax advantages of other special treatments under the law, that is clearly wrong - but why should it be possible? The obvious fix is get rid of legal distinctions that lead to such easy and unjust abuses. Legally defined inequality is the problem.

The only truly inalienable right is the right to define yourself, that’s what I said.

And that’s what Rachel Dolezal has done, defined herself.

But, and this is important, I’ve also repeatedly said rights come with responsibilities.

Dolezal’s right to define herself isn’t a right to be free of the consequences and she’s going to have to answer to the people she deceived. And she did willfully deceive people, directly or by omission. She didn’t say, I’m a white woman who identifies as black, who embraces black culture, no, she said I am black and it appears she engaged in a deliberate form of duplicity which I’m at pains to describe in any useful fashion.

"Hopefully nobody goes to that film. We need to boycott that film, from my perspective, because it’s miseducation, it’s misrepresentation, it’s highly offensive to the people that actually were living during that time and also to people today.”

That was Rachel Dolezal in a 2014 radio interview admonishing Americans to boycott the movie Exodus: Gods and Kings specifically because the film featured white actors portraying black characters. And while she may have had a point, the level of irony coming as it does from a white women passing as a black spokesman for the NAACP is staggering – and she must have known it, since you’ll note she doesn’t mention her own whiteness in a conversation where that is very much relevant. Her intentions may have been well meant, nevertheless there’s that whole Dances With Wolves/Avatar thing, where the white guy shows up to save the day by being a better native than the natives. There’s something condescending and paternalistic and Great White Father about it all.

Whoa, now just hang on a minute, Jim, I hear you say in that triumphant tone you use when you’re certain you’ve got me. Let’s  back up. This bit, “She didn’t say, I’m a white woman who identifies as black, who embraces black culture, no, she said I am black.” How is that any different from somebody who says, “I am a woman” instead of “I’m a man who identifies as a woman?” You, Jim, defended one and derided the other. Well?

Yes. Of course, you’re right.

I did say those things.

And they do contradict each other, if you believe as I do in the inalienable right to define yourself.

And somewhere up above, I also admitted to being a straight white male, the very stereotype of privilege and the one least qualified to opine on this subject.

I don’t have a good answer. We’re talking about things that don’t have good, solid, definitive, universal one-size-fits-all answers. We’re talking about race, sexuality, identity, choice, genetics, history, culture, bias, personal experience, perception and all the baggage that comes with those topics. It’s messy and filled with contradiction and emotion and things that make many people very uncomfortable.  There aren’t any easy answers. If there were, well, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

I think it’s subjective, I think it’s context, and I don’t see any way that it couldn’t be.

Those that identify as a sex different from their physical selves, they generally aren’t appropriating another culture or ethnicity in their transition, well, unless we’re going to pull a Limbaugh and argue sex is an ethnicity – and if you’re going to attempt that I’d appreciate it if you’d do it somewhere else.  The vast, vast, vast, vast majority of transgendered people are people who honestly identify as the opposite sex, not people like Mike Huckabee who joked he’d like to go back to high school and be transgendered so he could hang out in the girl’s locker room.

Yeah, but did Dolezal really appropriate black culture for her own advantage?

I don’t know.

I’m not really qualified to answer that question.

The people at the NAACP, her friends, her associates, Dolezal herself, those are the ones who have to answer that question. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t, but, you know, it’s our own history as a nation which makes us all suspect indeed she did. And it’s our individual history which makes some of us mad that she might have taken something from somebody that she wasn’t entitled to and some of us mad because she apparently got something we didn’t. Take a look to the left and the right and see who you’re standing with and figure out why you’re offended for yourself.

To be honest, I don’t have a snappy tweetable wrap-up.

I don’t have condemnation or praise or even a rationalization for Rachel Dolezal.

She is simply another paragraph in a conversation that’s been going on for more than two centuries here in America.

Oh, you know, I’d love to say that it’s all American culture, black, white and it doesn’t matter, sure. I like to say some white kid named Robert Matthew Van Winkle passing himself off as a black rapper name Vanilla Ice is just as valid as a black man named Ben Carson passing as an old white republican, but I’m neither that foolish nor that naïve. And it does matter. It’s complicated, it’s painful, it hurts, it makes us think – for better or for worse.

Dolezal will have to deal with the consequences of her identity and her choices, just as we all do.

Hopefully, the conversation Dolezal sparked will force us all to reexamine who we are and who we want to be. 

Perhaps. But I’m not holding my breath.

In the end I’m left with this: perhaps if all of us spent a little more time trying to identify with other races, other ethnicities, other sexual orientations, other cultures, other people, well, maybe the world would be a better place.