I really don't like this guy, seriously

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad asked permission to lay a wreath at the World Trade Center site when he comes to New York City next week.

Permission was denied.

"President Ahmadinejad intended to lay a wreath at the site of ground zero in order to pay tribute to the victims of the terrorists attack of Sept. 11, 2001," said Mohammad Mir Ali Mohammadi, spokesman for the Iranian mission to the U.N.

You've got to be kidding me.

Pay tribute to the victims of the terrorist attacks? It's a foregone conclusion that Ahmadinejad intends to use his visit to the UN as a way to kick the US in the teeth, but visit Ground Zero and pay tribute to dead Americans? This makes no sense to me, until suddenly the light goes off in my head. Sure, he intended to pay tribute - to Mohamed Atta and his 18 buddies.

Choke on your tribute, Ahmadinejad, say your peace at the UN and then go home. The last thing America needs is your tribute.

When Children Go Bad

Bad news, my son has become a Dark Lord of the Sith. His mother and I are somewhat less than thrilled, but we respect his career decision. Truthfully though, we're hoping it's just a phase and he'll grow out of it before he, you know, subjugates whole star systems or blows up Alderan or something. Until then, we're having to call him Darth Catastrophe.

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The helmet has a vocoder that changes your voice into a weird parody of James Earl Jones. It also has a button that makes genuine Darth Vader wheezing noises. It's just so cool. I would have killed to have a Halloween costume like this, even if I was a teenager when the original Star Wars came out.
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The crappy resolution is because this is a cell phone picture. And yes this is one of the pictures I was trying to get off my phone this morning. Ah ha! I must have solved my software/sync issue say you. Wrong!

I did an end run. I transferred the pictures using a mini-SD card. Because the stupid software is still choking on the phone. I may have my son give it a good dark side of the Force neck squeeze, that ought to fix it.

Technical Woes

I am a technophile, I love blinking lights and cool black plastic and shiny stainless steel gadgets. I buy them not because I need them, but because I deserve them. But I am not a patient man, and I tend to violence as the first option, not the last. There are days when I have the almost overwhelming urge to smash electronic things into tiny pieces, pour gasoline over the mess and light it on fire, and then dance naked around the resulting bonfire howling at the moon. Would that make things better? Maybe not, but it sure as hell would teach technology who is boss, now wouldn't it?

I took some photos using my cell phone camera yesterday, and this morning I wanted to download them to my laptop. I've done this a hundred times and never had a bit of trouble - as long as the Sony Clie sync manager was shut down. This morning when I started the phone sync software it informed me that Motorola had an upgrade available for the phone tools package. Hey, I'm all about upgrades (as long as it's not, you know, Vista). It may be that I hadn't had enough coffee yet this morning to be making intelligent software decisions, I don't know. So I clicked "upgrade." Argh! Stupid Stupid Stupid (if you're picturing me banging my head on the desk, you've got the right image). 30 friggin' megs? Hey, Motorola! How about a heads up on file size before you start the download? That would be nice, you dipshits. Anyway 30megs later, then a full reinstall, then the software has to initialize with the phone. You see where this is going right? The stinkin' software wouldn't talk to the phone, in fact it crashed my laptop, which has never happened before. Bastards.

Reboot, re-initialization, this time I've got communications. Everything finally looks good, but now the pictures don't show up on the laptop. More fooling around (in the middle of all of this, I have to stop and take the kid to school because it's band day and he can't take his big honkin' horn on the bus for some reason). Finally I can see the pictures, but every time I start the transfer, the phone drops sync. Argh! Man, this is pissing me off.

I have advanced degrees in computer science. I have thirty years experience with computers and advanced digital communication systems of every type, and I'm certified in 6 computer languages by the ACM. I have the A+ certification. I have both the MCSE+I and MCSD certification (yeah, yeah, I was picking on computer geeks yesterday, so what? I'm qualified to do so). Additionally I have twenty years experience in Information Warfare under extreme circumstances and in the R&D environment. You'd think I could transfer 6 lousy pictures from my phone to my laptop.

Goddamn, shoddy programming pisses me off. Attention Motorola, get your shit together! This is not optional, you have extremely competitive competition. Don't make me go somewhere else, because I will. I don't want to download juvenile ringtones, I don't give a shit about Gucci cool screen savers for my phone, I just want to download my Goddammed pictures. Remember yesterday, when I mentioned roof, rifle, and Catcher in the Rye? I don't miss, just so you know. Think about it.

And Steve? I don't want to hear about Apple products at the moment. Gloat in private, please. And wipe that smirk off your face.

Legal disclaimer: The above is NOT a real threat to anybody. It's a snarky rant. My wife wouldn't let me shoot anybody, including the feral cat that keeps killing the spruce grouse in my back yard. You're safe, but for the love of God, fix your stupid software, please.

Inconvenient Convenience

There is no technology so useful that certain elements of the human population won’t find a way to make it into a painful and irritating experience. What is it that drives certain people to add static to the environment just to annoy the hell out of the rest of us? Things like all the extra crap I have to do just to use my dammed debit card. Debit card, right? Great idea. Easy, cashless method of transferring my wife's money into a vender’s account, right? Perfect for people like me who think the register in a checkbook is for doodling stick-figure cartoons while my wife is in the bank trying to figure out who screwed up our account. My wife also doesn't let me have cash, because I'll just spend it on strippers and booze. So debit cards, great idea, all I have to do is swipe the card, enter the PIN bip bip bip bip and I'm on my way with the booty. Bing bang boom, out the door. What could be easier? Except, every single day, some nearsighted, sexless, cave dwelling Dark Nerd of the Sith adds yet another hoop I’ve got to jump through. You can see them sitting like maggots in their pithy white Apple basements, surrounded by piles of empty Mountain Dew cans and moldering Wired magazines, mumbling to themselves in Klingon, “Convenience is a dish best served cold, bitches!” They hate the human race, these Visa card programmers, but perversely these socially-retarded n00bs still crave human contact. They want to dazzle geeky cheerleaders with their coding prowess, they want to talk to somebody, anybody, they just want somebody to notice them.

There’s an old saying in Emotional Literacy circles, to wit: “Bad strokes are better than no strokes at all.” Stripped of psycho-babble, what this means is that having somebody yell at you and call you names is better than being ignored. In certain extreme circumstances, getting punched in the face or having your skivvies pulled up over your head in the Mother of All Wedgies is better than being invisible. The socially inept often find ways to desperately goad others into hostile action, just to get a little of the attention they pretend they don’t want – they also tend to wear loose fitting, highly elastic underwear, which explains why programmers often wear those stupid baggy shorts. It is my theory (and remember folks, you heard it here at Stonekettle Station first!) that for this reason programmers add options to the debit card reader code that, in their soulless sterile Star Trek universe, passes for human conversation. Things like:

- “Please swipe you store discount card” I’ve one item, toilet paper. I’m in a hurry. I don’t give a shit about discounts at the moment. Get out of my way.

- “Amount Okay? Press YES.” If I press “No” can I change the total to a lower amount? Of course the amount is Okay, you idiot, I put my friggin’ PIN in didn’t I?

- “Do you want stamps?” What is this, the friggin’ Post Office now? If I wanted friggin’ stamps, I’d friggin’ ask for friggin’ stamps. Goddammit!

- “Do you want to donate $1 to the Jerry Lewis fund for socially backward online gamers?” Arrrgh! Die, stupid Debit Card Reader, Die!

This is exactly why people like me end up on the roof of the Visa building with a copy of Catcher in the Rye and a high powered rifle. At the very least, somebody is getting a wedgie.

It's my fault

Yeah, it's my fault. On Sunday, 9 September, I penned this post about the decay of Cable News Channels, CNN in particular. In the post I mentioned how, in my not so humble opinion, the downturn came with the O.J. Simpson trial in the mid-1990's.

Mention the Devil and he appears. Gah!

The Juice is plastered all over my TV these last two days. What is it with this idiot? You'd think having barely escaped conviction for the murder of his ex-wife and her boy friend, he'd be on the straight and narrow for the rest of his life. Seriously, he must believe his own press releases. This time though, I think he is well and truly screwed.

And with that, I will never mention O. J. Simpson again on this blog.

Home Owner Blues

You may have noticed I haven't been online much today. That's because I've spent most of the day in the basement utility room working on the water heater. Ah, the joys of being a homeowner.

Like most Alaskans in the MatSu, indeed most Alaskans period, we have well water. It's pretty good water as such things go, but it's heavy in calcium and iron. I put an over-sized, whole house reverse-osmosis filter in a couple of years ago, right after we installed the new bathrooms and dish washer, but somehow I never quite got around to flushing out the water heater. So, the last couple of months the water heater has begun to make odd noises, almost as if there is a small angry man trapped inside who wants out, now! Which, you know, would figure. If I was trapped inside a water heater, I'd want out too. It's dark in there.

So anyway, noise inside a gas water heater usually means sediment build-up, and you need to flush it out. Excessive sediment reduces water volume and heating efficiency. Get enough sediment, long enough, and you're in Lowes buying a new heater. As we used to say when a mission had gone completely to hell, not exactly an optimal solution.

Today I finally had enough of the noise. I killed the gas, secured the fresh water feed, hooked up a hose to the heater drain and ran it out the basement door into the woods behind the kennel. Then I opened the pressure relief valve to allow air into the tank and cracked the drain valve on the heater and went back outside expecting to see a large steam cloud in the 37 degree morning we're having today.

Hmmm, no cloud, no steam, no water coming from the hose.

Not good. The lack of water and steam meant that my procrastination had allowed sediment to build up in the bottom of the tank, where it no doubt hardened into a solid mass blocking the drain valve. Fortunately for me, twenty plus years in the Navy had prepared me for this exact situation - I knew exactly what curses were most appropriate, and I was able to swear for a full five minutes without repeating myself. Unfortunately, even Navy cursing wasn't enough to unblock the drain valve.

Remove the hose, unscrew the valve spline cap, pull the guts out of the valve, poke around with a thin blade screw driver and Foosh! a face full of hot water, calcium debris and brown irony goop. Not one drop of which ended up in the bucket I had placed underneath the drain valve. This time, while cursing, I did repeat myself. Several times. I got the hose back on and reinserted the valve innards. Got everything tightened down. I suppose it is unnecessary to say that at this point I was dripping wet from head to toe? Went outside and and watched the steam clouds rise with no small degree of satisfaction.

Until the flow of water tapered off much to soon. That's right, the valve was clogged again. Repeat steps above, about, oh ten more times. Don't forget the cursing. Fill tank, repeat. Fill tank, repeat. Change the water filter for good measure. Refill the tank. Then lay in the wet mess and relight the pilot light.

The heater is now up and running, no noise. As soon as I have hot water I'm off to take a shower. Wish me luck.

According to Blogthings the Muppet character I most resemble is:

You Are Animal

A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts. You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary. But you sure can beat a good drum. "Kill! Kill!"

The Muppet Personality Test
I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Privileged Information

I try to avoid posting on the same subjects, especially on the same day, as the other blogs that I read. However, over on John Scalzi’s Whatever I wrote a comment in response to one of his posts. I realized I wanted to expand on that comment here, and since my personal rules are more like guidelines than actual law, that is exactly what I’m going to do.

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A few thoughts on the nature of Privilege and Responsibility in America

The founders of America were men who risked their lives to give the finger to King George with the Declaration of Independence, they were men who risked their lives and livelihoods and loved ones in the Revolutionary War, and they were the ones who forged a new country based on a Constitution they had written with a radical revolutionary idea in mind – that all men were created equal, and had equal rights, even if they didn’t enjoy equality in rank, station, or birth.

Of course, even in those first days of the new country, some were more equal than others (and despite the lofty ideals, some were decidedly unequal, more like property actually or inconveniently in the way). But the ideals of the Constitution were so powerful, that eventually, over time, the average citizen did become more or less equal. Strangely though, at the same time that such issues as slavery, woman’s suffrage, the rights of non-property owners, color, religion, and etc were being resolved, something directly contrary, and very subtle, was happing unnoticed in the background. In the early days of the country, the privileged were the ones who led the revolution. Don’t get me wrong, I doubt they were all that altruistic. Despite the often stated principles of freedom, democracy, equal representation, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, I doubt that there would have been an American Revolution if George III hadn’t been over-taxing the crap out of the Colonial landowners. Whatever their motivation, there can be no denying that the first leaders of this country were the type of men who fought, and bled, alongside their fellow countrymen. They didn't send others to achieve what they themselves wanted, they went themselves.

A hundred years down the line, and we still had leaders of vision and with a sense of service to high ideals. Men like Teddy Roosevelt. Who advocated a highly unpopular war with Spain, and then joined the US Volunteer Cavalry to put his money where his considerably large mouth was. He served alongside men from all walks of life, from highwaymen and cattle rustlers of the western frontier, to former slaves, to the highest society boys of New York’s 5^th Avenue. His service in the USV and alongside the US Army 10^th Cavalry (the African American Buffalo Soldiers) made such an impression on old Teddy that it fundamentally changed his thinking regarding rank, status, color, and privilege. Roosevelt imbued his children with his ideals, and as a result his son Quentin died in uniform chasing down German fighters in WWI, and his son Theodore Roosevelt Jr., who also served in WWI, won the Medal of Honor while leading the assault at bloody Utah Beach in WWII – and died a month later in France, of an ignoble heart attack.

Military service, even service in combat, does not automatically imbue a person with some kind of special insight, or magical leadership ability. There have been plenty of lousy Representatives, Senators, Judges, and yes, even Presidents with military experience. However, military service, especially combat experience does change you in ways that tend to be often indefinable. What those things are, I can’t say with any certainty other than that it has to do with service, obligation, and responsibility. There’s an old saying in the military: “Rank has its privilege.” This is true, but what is often left unsaid is the rest of that statement, which is “but the privilege of rank is often far outweighed by its responsibility.” And responsibility is something that many in power these days seem to forget. Responsibility to those that elected them, responsibility to those that did NOT vote for them but they represent anyway, responsibility to the nation as a whole, and most especially responsibility to those who defend this nation. I have to wonder: on a daily basis, how many sons, daughters, wives, husbands, sisters, brothers, and friends in uniform do the leaders of this country actually know, personally, or even peripherally. It's not just a matter of if they have served themselves (since most of them emphatically have not) it’s also that their social circles no longer include the kind of people who do. Their kids go to private schools, and it’s unlikely that those kids have schoolmates whose parents are deployed in uniform, since most military folks don't make enough money to send their kids to such institutions. And they generally don't let working-class military types into the upper-class restaurants, private sports boxes, gated-communities, private planes, or the country clubs that the Government and Industry leaders frequent. Not too many military folks attend those $10,000 a plate fund raising dinners either. Shaking hands with a captive military audience while the cameras snap away within the protected confines of the Green Zone does not constitute knowing somebody in uniform.

How many of our leaders have the moral courage, the strength of conviction, the sense of service and duty that their predecessors did? How many have the courage to risk their privileged positions, as George Washington did, or John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Paine, or the countless others of the American Revolution? How many leaders today would have the courage to do what Roosevelt did? Somehow I have a hard time visualizing these people giving up their positions of power, the way Roosevelt resigned from his position Assistant Secretary of the Navy to join the USV, and leading a patrol in Anbar Province or along a mountain trail in Afghanistan.

Rank indeed has its privileges, but when those privileges far outweigh the responsibility and obligations of that rank - when privilege, but not responsibility, becomes hereditary - well then you’re no longer living in the democracy our ancestors fought so dammed hard for. When you go to the poles a year from now, bear that in mind.

Winter is upon us

This is the view out my sunroom window. That's Pioneer Peak, about 3000ft of elevation, of which the top 500ft or so is covered in snow this morning. Yesterday it was bare. The Chugach range behind Pioneer Peak is solid white.



Winter is coming early this year. Maybe the Republicans are right, global warming is a myth!

Lies, Dammed Lies, and Statistics

If I remember my geometry correctly, you can't plot a curve from a single point. And while it's possible, it's generally not a good idea to plot a curve from just three points either. Which is what I'm about to do. So, if you're some kind of statistics nut (or you know, like an actual scientist), look away now.

Stonekettle Station has been online for a month now, 34 posts, 35 if you count this one. I've been collecting stats on this blog since the first post, using an online service. Daily, I look at page loads, unique visitors, returning visitors, first time visitors, etc. If you look down at the bottom of this page you'll see a grayed object labeled "Secret UEU Monitoring Device", that's the HTML code which provides the link to the statistics service. I do this not because I have some pathological need to collect statistics, but because I'm interested in how a new blog site grows and develops over time.

Currently I'm averaging between a hundred and two hundred visitors a day. Around two dozen regular readers, who view the site at least 3 or more times a day. Another dozen regulars who view the site at least once a day. The stat chart shows a steady increase in readership, of around 2-5% daily. Considering that I've done nothing to promote this site, and I've only been at it for a month, I'm pretty satisfied with how things are shaping up (and personally, I can't believe that with those kind of numbers, advertisers aren't just beating down my door. What? Did you say something?).

I've noticed something interesting, or at least interesting to me.

And again remember the above disclaimer, I'm looking at only three weeks worth of data (or three expanded data points). It is possible to plot a curve using only three points, the curve isn't likely to be all that accurate, but you can see the basic online. This is what I'm seeing:

I get the largest number of visits on Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday through Friday visits are about 80% of Monday/Tuesday. Saturday and Sunday, not so much. The weekends show about 5-10% of the peak weekday traffic. Looking at IP addresses, a significant fraction of the weekday traffic is coming from corporate or government gateways, weekends show almost no corporate or government IP addresses.

Hmmmm, again, hard to make high confidence observations from only three data points, but it would appear that many of you folks visit on company time - and don't waste your preciously weekend time by surfing my site. Can't say I blame you. Looking at the data graphically, it would appear that most of you spend Monday and Tuesday surfing away your weekend hangover and not really getting much done. Somewhere around Wednesday, that sense of "Crap! I've got to get this done by Friday" kicks in and traffic steadily declines the closer to quiting time on Friday. Saturday and Sundays you're all obviously out hunting dinosaur fossils or playing bingo at the YMCA.

Nothing earthshaking, I just find it interesting.

Mysteries Revealed

Yesterday I posted a couple of pictures of my artwork. In the comments section there, and in a previous post - and mostly in a large number of emails I've received - a number of folks asked about buying some of my turned bowls.

Currently, I'm not selling bowls over the internet. This will change eventually, probably after the beginning of the year. This is for a number of reasons: first I've got to set up payment methods, probably a PayPal account. I've had problems with PayPal in the past, and I'm a little wary of that process. However, for most people, PayPal is the most convenient method of payment, but I need to make sure that it works for me. Second, and more importantly, I have to set up a separate catalog page with a way for folks to view each piece in detail. It is extremely important to me that anybody who buys my work has a complete understanding of what they are getting, and that's difficult to do on a computer screen. Buying art, especially woodwork, is a visceral experience, you really need to touch the piece to fully appreciate it - and to decide if it's worth your money. And my bowls are expensive. This is not because I have an over-inflated sense of my craft, but because of the amount of time and effort involved. Each piece can easily cost me well over a hundred man-hours. For example: the raw wood itself has to be harvested, i.e. I have to go into the woods with a chainsaw and ATV. For the heartwood bowls, I can't use just any tree - I need large, older trees that are at least 24 inches in diameter. I'm not big on indiscriminant cutting either, so each tree is carefully selected from areas where the impact on the environment is minimal or from where trees are being cleared already. Not all trees are suitable for the type of work I do. Selection and harvesting is hard work, a three-foot long 18inch in diameter green log can weigh over over a hundred pounds. Because of the area where I'm cutting, each log has to be hoisted up onto the cargo deck of the ATV, strapped down, and brought out through the woods to the truck. Usually this is over pretty rough terrain and through thick Alaskan woods, so I can't use an ATV trailer. This means I can only move two logs at a time on the ATV. Very time consuming. It normally takes two days of backbreaking labor to get enough stock for a month's worth of turning. Once home, each log must be cut into segments, then cut into slabs with the chainsaw. The slabs are then run through a thickness planer to smooth them, then scribed and cut into circular blanks on the bandsaw. Then they are turned on the lathe, this is a lengthy process (but it's also the best part, turning is extremely addictive). Then, depending on the piece, carved or otherwise decorated. The picture above, which is actually made from Sitka Spruce, not birch, is decorated with carved salmon, a bowl like this can easily require over a hundred and fifty hours to complete. Filigree cut bowls, like this one, can take even longer. So with that said, each of my pieces can go for several hundred dollars, and even at that high of price I'm not making any profit on them. Which is fine, because I'm not doing it for money.

Lastly, I'm preparing for a show in December, so I'm building inventory for that and right now, I just can't sell the pieces I have. Come January, I should have a large enough inventory and the other technical problems resolved so that I can begin selling online.

Hope that answers your questions. And with that , I'm off into the woods today to retrieve the rest of yesterday's harvest.

What I did with my day

Just so you don't think I wasted my day, this is what I was up to today. Looks like a pile of firewood doesn't it? But it is really diamonds in the rough. This wood comes from a friend's property in South Central Alaska, it is a stand of genetically unique Baltic (White) Birch. In the cut ends of the large logs on the near end of the wood pile, you can see unique and distinctive heartwood grain figure, which in cross section resembles a rose. This is amazing material, similar in hardness to old growth maple.


If you're not a woodworker it may be hard to visualize these logs as anything other than firewood, so here's a couple of pictures of what it looks like after I've pushed the wood through my shop. The first picture is a pair of heartwood bowls with some of the softwood removed in interesting patterns along the grain line. The exterior of each bowl is textured in curved bas relief, again along the concentric gain lines. Both bowls are finished with walnut oil and coated in a glossy polycrilyc, giving them a glass-like finish. They are not intended to be practical containers, they are art. With a devotional candle (safely inside a candle glass) inserted inside, they radiate yellow light in organic patterns.

And finally, this dish, with filigree carving around the rim, is turned from sapwood (the lighter wood surrounding the heartwood inside of the bark. The filigree is cut with a Foredom tool using a fine carbide rotary bit. Like the bowls above, this one is finished with oil and polycrylic.


See? and you thought I was wasting my retirement. Ha!

Note: you can click on each picture for a larger image. Go on, do it, you know you want to.

One of those days

I just came in from loading the ATV onto the trailer in preparation for a wood harvesting expedition in the wilds of my friend's back yard. It's wet out, and the wind is blowing leaves off the cottonwoods. I walked through some damp leaves and tracked one into the house where it dropped off my boot in the middle of the kitchen floor while I was pouring myself a cup of coffee. I fully intended to pick it up and throw it in the trash, but before I could do so The White One (Aka Pegleg, Aka Sitka, Aka Stupid the Cat) charged over to it and after giving it a perfunctory sniff - ate it. Understand, this is not the Einstein of the feline world, and I'm pretty sure that he has the fuzzy headed equivalent of raging schizophrenia, but still - what in the hell? Suddenly he's a herbivore? Cottonwood leaves smell like liver? What?

Two minutes later and sure enough, the inevitable reaction. Urf urf urf, ralph! Big pile of chewed leaf and brown cat stomach goo staining the den carpet. Wonderful.

You'll excuse me, I have to get the hand steam cleaner out. Then I'm off to do a little hunter gathering. Back in a couple of hours.

What would Jesus do?

Nothing brings out the hypocrisy like a little religion, eh?

By now, I’m sure you’ve heard Kathy Griffin’s Emmy Award Acceptance speech, which went something like this: A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this. He had nothing to do with this. Suck it, Jesus. This award is my god now.

Outrage is spewing from the orifices of every Christian in America; Since Christians make up roughly 85% of the population, that’s a lot of outrage – and a lot of orifices.

Understand, while I’m not exactly the religious type myself (in fact profoundly agnostic and cheerfully unconcerned about it might be a better description), I find Griffin’s comments to be at best crass and most likely delivered with malice aforethought. I don’t much care for Griffin, I’ve seen her show on cable maybe once, and seen her on some late-night talk show while channel surfing in a hotel room on a business trip a few years ago. She’s of the defensively obnoxious variety of lapsed Catholic comedienne, and I usually don’t find offensive shock humor to be all that funny. With that said, I suspect she’s been quite shrewdly clever with her comments at the Emmy’s, because she’s getting press that money just can’t buy. In her business, it don’t get any better than that.

As usual, when Catholics have been offended, Catholic League President Bill Donohue is leading the tar and feathers brigade. Donohue has managed to get his corpulent smugly self-righteous face on every major news channel by calling Griffin’s remarks a “vulgar, in-your-face brand of hate speech.” He seems pretty outraged, truly he does. But, really, Bill, hate speech? Donohue has gone on at length about how poor Christians have been victimized by this statement and others of similar nature. He also said that if Griffin doesn’t apologize “she will be remembered as a foul-mouthed bigot for the rest of her life.” This, from a guy who has made it his mission to represent a religion that, as a matter of fundamental policy, preaches intolerant bigotry from thousands of pulpits every Sunday? This, from a guy who on a daily basis spews racist, anti-gay, anti-Semitic, anti-science, anti-anything that isn’t part of his belief system? Seriously, Bill, are you kidding? Griffin’s remarks were not directed at Christians in general or at Catholics in particular, so who, exactly, should she apologize to? Jesus? Would that make everybody feel better? Do you think it would be sincere? Or is it more of a matter of imposing your will on somebody you don’t agree with?

Donohue, through the Catholic League, an anti-defamation group, called on the TV Academy to "denounce Griffin's obscene and blasphemous comment" at Sunday's ceremony. [Emphasis mine] Okay, somebody explain to me how this is obscene? Crass? Yes. Obnoxious? Yes. Funny? Depends on your point of view I guess. And as I understand it, blasphemy only applies to members of a religion, who make statements contrary to the current canon, or is that a heretic? I’m not up on my Holy Inquisition terminology. For me, the absolute pinnacle of Donohue’s hypocrisy came yesterday when I watched him, alongside a Jewish Rabbi (didn’t catch the name) on CNN with Paula Zahn. Donohue was all properly outraged at how he, Catholics, lesser Christians, God Himself, and the poor little baby Jesus had been just traumatized by Griffin’s remarks. At the end of the show, the Rabbi wished everybody a happy Rosh Hashanah. Donohue rolled his eyes, pursed his lips in a pinched expression of anti-Semitic disapproval, and made a snort of disgust before CNN could cut his mic.

I’m not a Jewish comedian, but I think I’m offended. In fact, I demand an apology from the Catholic league for Donohue’s behavior. I demand it I say.

Disclaimer: It is not my intention to bash Catholics, Christians, Jews, comedians, or any Knight of the Holy Inquisition. I do, very much, realize that Bill Donohue doesn’t represent all Catholics (Isn’t that the Pope’s job?), but if the Catholic Church doesn’t publicly disown this jerk, I have to assume it agrees with him in large part.

Intermittent Internet Today

It's windy and has been raining for the last week, you know what season that is: GCI Cable Company Annual Intermittent Service Month. My connection has been down all morning. It's up at the moment, obviously. But the Modem Cable Light is blinking unsteadily. So if you don't hear from me for a while, that's the problem.

Also, a contributing factor may be the couple of small earthquakes we've had over the last 24 hours. Sympathetic fault slips from the big one on the other side of the Pacific Plate I'm guessing. I live directly on top of the Knik Fault, but so far that one hasn't moved. I can't connect to the Alaska Earthquake center long enough to find out what the full story is. Ah the joy of living in rural Alaska. We're used to it. Anyway, no interweebs gives me an excuse to clean closets today, so you know, it's not a wasted day.

I typed this up in advance, in case you're wondering, and sent it as soon as I had a momentary connection. See you all later.

Yo mama is so fat...

Something to wash the taste of Congressional Hearings out of your mouth.

For some reason I find this to be utterly hysterical, especially the end. I'm such a geek.

Iraq, More of the Same

We're into the second day of testimony in the Iraq Hearing. The Chairman of the House Armed Services Committee called it the “most important hearing of the year.” Exactly what is so dammed important about it, I cannot fathom. As I said in the previous post, tell us something we don’t know. Let’s recap so far:

- The troop surge ordered by President Bush is: (a) working exactly according to plan. Security is better than is has been in two years, the insurgency is crushed, de-baathification is well on its way, and the Iraqi government is making significant gains. Or, (b) an abysmal failure. (c) Maybe somewhere in between.

- Troops will begin returning home: (a) eventually, but not any time soon. Withdrawal starts when the job, as the White House defines it, is done. (b) Eventually, after the Democrats take over the White House in 2008. (c) Never.

- The al-Maliki government is: (a) working diligently to build a representative democracy based on peace and harmony for all Iraqis, or (b) An ineffective, corrupt, clueless piece of shit.

- Protesters will: (a) not be tolerated, (b) provide an amusing diversion from this circus.

- Senator Craig is: (a) a repressed, hypocritical, two-faced, bullshit artist, (b) uh…there is no (b). Note, this has nothing to do with the proceedings, but it’s my blog and I think it needs to be said as often as possible.

- And finally, any statement, no matter how hypocritical, crass, defeatist, or vitriolic will be considered patriotic as long as you begin the statement by thanking “our brave troops for their sacrifice.”

As I said, tell us something we don’t know. After watching this painful nonsense for two days, I have come to the following conclusion: the entire farce was staged as a bi-partisan effort to provide a source of quotes for both parties’ presidential candidates. Let’s take a look at a few, shall we?

"Changing the definition of success to stay the course with the wrong policy is the wrong course for our troops and our national security. The time to end the surge and to start bringing our troops home is now — not six months from now." Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill.
Thanks Barak, you’re a prince. While I understand your basic gist here, you’ve got no business using the “our troops” card as justification for cutting and running. You want to pull out? Fine, but do it because that’s what you think is right, not for us. Don’t use the military as an excuse, that’s the coward’s way out and you’re better than that. Also, I’d like to know exactly how bringing our troops home now will improve our national security, unless you mean play on public sentiment to get elected President?

"I don't think there is any doubt that it's good news that he feels we will be able to withdraw some troops ... To change the strategy from the surge would be a terrific mistake." Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz.
What? As usual, McCain will say just about anything to get elected. I'm surprised he didn't advocate torture and a border fence.

"Our troops who have performed heroically and have done everything they've been asked to do in Iraq have no business refereeing an Iraqi civil war ... It is up to the Iraqis to make the decisions as to how they will stabilize their own country." Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y
It’s up to the Iraqis? Well, jeez, Hillary, but if you were paying attention you’d know that the Iraqis had a stable country before we came along and blew it up. I’m not saying it was admirable, I’m saying it was stable. Right or wrong, we made this bed and we have to lay in it. But at least you invoked “our heroic troops” before saying something crass, so I guess you get a pass on this one.

"General Petraeus' report strengthens my conviction that we can achieve our objectives in Iraq and that we must not withdraw precipitously. He and Ambassador Crocker gave a candid assessment, and I believe General Petraeus when he says that the security situation is improving and momentum is now on our side." Ronald Reagan, ur, sorry, Fred Thompson.
Well, Fred, if you consider the vague and evasive statements we’ve been listening to for two days “candid” I guess you really are the second coming of Reagan. Good luck with that.

"I am saddened, but not surprised, by the recommendations of General Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker on Iraq. I do not question the integrity or competence of these gentlemen, but the strategy George Bush and Dick Cheney have asked them to execute has failed. The course General Petraeus has recommended we take — more of the same — is unacceptable, irresponsible and dangerous." —Gov. Bill Richardson, D-NM
Uh, Bill? Just so I’ve got this straight, you don’t question Gen Petraeus’ integrity or competence, but you think his professional recommendations are unacceptable, irresponsible, and dangerous? Exactly what, then, is your definition of competence? Because I thought it was something else.

"Today's testimony from General Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker confirms the progress being made by our troops in Iraq. This is good news for Americans and Iraqis. The importance of a successful conclusion to Iraq must be weighed in light of the global threat of violent Jihad and terror. America must continue its commitment to the strategy General Petraeus is executing." Mitt Romney, MA-R
Well, at least it’s good news. But that’s Mitt for you, a glass half full kind’ve guy.

"Congress must now decide whether they will serve the American people or simply follow the same Beltway mentality that has led to more inaction on Iraq. Even in the face of rising American causalities, greater civil unrest and no political progress, the Congress continues a false debate about whether President Bush should be granted more time. President Bush's Iraq strategy has failed, and Congress must not cave. Congress must support our troops by using every tool available to force the president to agree to a withdrawal." John Edwards, D-N.C.
My money is on “follow the same Beltway mentality,” John. I’ll put a fiver down on it.

"The fact that there are questions about General Petraeus' report is not surprising given that it was brought to you by this White House. In contrast, independent report after report indicates that the whack-a-mole strategy has made this the bloodiest summer of the war. And by the general's admission, the so-called surge has not achieved its goal of political progress." Sen. Chris Dodd, D-Conn.
Chris gets extra points for using the term “whack-a-mole strategy.”

“General Petraeus has failed to give Congress an independent assessment of the Iraq war. His statement sounds like the president's talking points," Rep. Dennis Kucinich, D-OH
Jeez, you think, Dennis? You ever heard of the Chain of Command? The General damn well better be on the same sheet of music as his CINC, or he’ll be collecting a retirement check. But, of course, when you’re President you’ll let your Generals disagree with your policy in front of Congress, right? Dumbass.

"Our brave American service men and women are sacrificing daily for a policy that has no end in sight. A policy of more of the same is no strategic vision, strains our military to the breaking point, and enables Iraqi leaders to dither endlessly instead of reaching a political consensus over the future of their country," Rep. Chris Van Hollen, D-Md.
Uh, What? I stopped reading after “Our brave Americ….” My chest was too swelled with patriotic fervor and my eyes were too full of tears to finish. Hey, Chris, leave us out of it. No seriously, shut the fuck up about the military.

"This stall taken?" Sen Craig, Idaho-Big Gay Republican

First Impressions of the Iraq update (updated)

I've got to think about this for a bit. Preferably out in the shop while making sawdust, which I'm off to do momentarily. I've specifically avoided making any posts on the war because, as most of you know, it's personal to me. I find it very hard to be objective, especially when it comes to the situation in Iraq.

First impressions of Gen. Petraeus and Ambassador Crocker's status report in front of the Congressional Hearing this morning:

1) Blah, blah, tell us something we don't already know. Did you guys write your speeches by extracting sound clips from the last 6 months of CNN?

2) The two them didn't compare notes beforehand. What does it say for our chances of success (however you define it, different topic) when the Head of Mission and the Commanding General obviously aren't spending a lot of time together?

3) Crocker's report was a ten minute apology for the al-Maliki government's failure to achieve anything. He also stinks as a public speaker.

4) Petraeus thinks the real threat is Iran, and what he really wants is permission to do something about it.

5) The members of the Congressional panel looked like constipated escapees from a nursing home going through the motions. They already knew what was in the report, and they had already made up their collective minds - it was apparent in their expressions. I doubt even one of them was listening to anything the General or the Ambassador had to say. This pisses me off. They asked for the report - they should at least do the General and Ambassador the simple courtesy of paying attention.

6) If you want to be taken seriously, don't dress up in pink statue of liberty costumes and fling shit like sun-crazed monkeys in a Congressional hearing room. (Update: as somebody just pointed out to me, flinging shit like a sun-crazed monkey in a Congressional hearing is a congressman's job, this should not be attempted by amateurs). Just saying.

7) Update: Senator Craig is still a backpedaling jackass. This has nothing to do with the topic, I just thought it needed to be said.


More later, after I have time to think about it. That's going to be at least one full 55gal dust-collector bin of chips, so it may be a while. Enjoy your day.

Get me a left-handed monkeywrench, would you?

Study finds left-wing brain, right-wing brain

This topic has been talked about on a number of blogs in the last couple of days, including here, so I’m not going to go into it in too much detail, other than to say that if the laymen’s paraphrasing by the press is an accurate description of what scientists are actually saying, then I think that the conclusions of this study may be flawed, particularly this statement:

“Exploring the neurobiology of politics, scientists have found that liberals tolerate ambiguity and conflict better than conservatives because of how their brains work.”

If that’s the case, shouldn’t Democrats be supporting the Global War on Terrorism? Or at least not raising so much fuss about it? There was nothing tolerant in the liberal bashing of General Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker’s (Crocker, heh heh, how appropriate is that name?) anticipated report on the state of the Iraqi troop surge. If this study of neural wiring is correct, I would think that Democrats would welcome the vague ambiguity of the Petraeus status report. If the study is correct, the liberals should be grinning ear to ear and high-fiving the hell out of each other over the announcement that we have no idea how long it will be before we can significantly reduce troop strength in Iraq. Liberals should be overjoyed with the fact that the location of Osama bin Laden remains a mystery, because what would the world be without a little mystery, eh?

Okay, before one of you liberals accuses me of something, I am cherry picking just one sentence out of the report, but at least I’m being specific in my sarcasm. And I just want to say, as a neither a liberal or a conservative myself, I for one am looking forward to the Patraeus report. I think it will be a highly entertaining bit of fiction.

I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore

What ever happened to TV news? You know, those trustworthy, distinguished, slowly graying Network gentlemen like Brokaw, Rather, and most especially Cronkite. Those were men that you trusted enough to let into your house every night, men that radiated professionalism and Journalism with a capital ‘J.’ They were men that you could watch while eating dinner without getting heartburn, no matter how terrible the story. They were men that wore ties. Cronkite was the anchor at CBS News for nearly twenty years, not once in all that time were his viewers ever exposed to his chest hair. That’s the real reason he was called “the most trusted man in America,” no exposed chest hair. Cronkite talked us through ten years of Vietnam and he guided us through the moon landings. I’m pretty sure it was his voice alone that brought Apollo 13 home safe and sound.

The next generation, the Cable News channel generation, wasn’t quite as good at the whole calm, slightly graying distinguished thing, they were a whole lot younger for one thing – and some of them were even women. In the 80’s and well into the 90’s, Cable News was news. Period. You wanted to know what was going on in the world? You watched CNN. If you didn’t have a lot of time, you watched CNN Headline News. People actually got cable just for CNN. Hell, Tom Clancy, in his novel The Hunt for Red October specifically mentioned that the book’s hero, Jack Ryan, had cable television installed in his house at Peregrine Cliffs just so he could watch CNN News. Everybody knew Tom was talking about himself, and if it was good enough for Tom, it was good enough for the rest of us. For ten years I got my news every day from Lynn Russell at CNN Headline News. She wasn’t any Walter Cronkite, she rolled her eyes when she was forced to report on somebody doing something stupid, she laughed out loud upon occasion, and she was much more human, and attractive, than those stodgy old men that had come before her. But, the news was never about her, she reported the story, she didn’t grandstand – in other words, she was a professional, and so were her fellow reporters, just like Cronkite had been before them. I trusted her, I would have let her in my house (you bet I would). CNN brought us the first Gulf War in 24 hour, real live streaming video as Coalition forces surged into Kuwait. The coverage by CNN actually had an impact on the course of the war; Saddam himself screamed and raged and watched CNN in his Palace as his shattered army retreated up the Highway of Death, dragging what was left of their sorry pillaging asses home. CNN was on the video walls in the White House and the Pentagon Situation Rooms. CNN was the best source of real time Military Intelligence. Generals watched CNN before making decisions. The CNN effect it was called.

Oh how the mighty have fallen. Something changed in the mid 1990’s. I first realized that something was wrong, when in 1994 CNN went to full coverage on both channels to chase down OJ Simpson and his famous white Bronco. It’s not that they were reporting the chase, which was news; it’s that they were so dammed excited and gleeful about it. This for me was the first little sign of the coming insanity. But the first real major, full-blown, batshit crazy symptom came two years later, when the actual Simpson trial began, CNN covered the travesty 24 hours/7 days a week – if the court was recessed, then they got Larry King to interview some stoned Hollywood houseboy about the day’s events – at the exclusion of all else, up to and including some of the biggest news in the history of mankind. It was four days past the announcement by David McKay, that the possibility of life on Mars had been found in a meteorite called ALH84001, before CNN broke into its All OJ, All The Time programming to mention it in passing. Life on another world, some guy who maybe killed his ex-wife – hmmm, which one will history remember? Yah, OJ. And things just kept getting worse from there, right up to today where the faces of CNN are Glenn Beck and Nancy Grace. It’s exactly like watching someone you know and love descend into madness and acute incurable alcoholism. You have to wonder just what Time-Warner was thinking when they hired Grace (just a bit of Irony in that name). Honestly, I can not hear her voice, and NOT think of tractor-pulls, NASCAR, and cheap beer in plastic cups. Grace was a former lawyer; by most accounts, a shitty lawyer, prone to twisting facts and prone to shady courtroom practices – Georgia’s Supreme Court called her on it, twice. In fact, facts apparently are not something Grace has much use for. And there it is, the once professional face of reporting, “The Most Trusted Name in News,” has become little more than big-haired tabloid journalism – and the more lurid, trashy, and freakish the better. A perfect compliment to Grace’s Queen of the Trailer Park routine is Glenn Beck – who’s news show is billed as a “news talk show for people who can't take the news anymore” by Beck himself. Let’s review: A news show, on a news channel, during the prime news hour of the day – for people who can’t stand the news any more. Both Grace and Beck are the antithesis of Cronkite, or even Russell for that matter, they make not even a pretense of professionalism. The story is always about them, they are always the center of attention on their shows, the story is almost incidental. Insanity, stark staring, drooling, insanity is what it is. Exactly what demographic is CNN trying to reach with these two dancing monkeys?

Is it just me? Seriously, am I the only one who thinks this is just plain bug-eating crazy? Do you trust these people, would you let them into your house? I sure as hell wouldn't, I keep a shotgun at hand just in case dangerous wildlife or people like this show up on my property unannounced. Is it just me who thinks that it is long past time for an intervention here? It’s time to get out the butterfly nets and the straightjackets. And ties, because I’m dammed sure sick and tired of seeing chest hair on CNN – and I’m talking to you, Nancy.

Off to Anchorage

Gone to Anchorage for the day. I promise you a profound, witty, interesting, and life changing post upon my return.

Enjoy your Saturday, I know I will, since I woke up and the headache was mostly gone. Woohoo!

In the mean time, watch this. The best dammed guitar player the human race has ever known. On the other hand, I have no idea what the video is all about, it's British - nobody gets it.

There's a reptile in my brain

Headaches suck. And Migraine Headaches (yes, Migraine with a capital "M") suck most of all.

I've been cursed with Migraines all of my life. They run in my family. I can usually tell when one is coming on a couple days in advance, dizziness, intermittent blurred vision and light sensitivity, bouts of nausea, and other less-identifiable signs, such as vague depression. Migraines affect the dopamine balance of my brain chemistry which can make me even more irritable than usual (this may be difficult for people to detect, as I am a pretty irritable guy even when I'm not getting a headache). When it finally hits, the pain is localized behind my left eye and feels exactly as if there is a large and malignant reptile trying to push it's way out through my eyes, I picture the creature as gray and scaly, with large armored plates on its back and evil red eyes. The pain is not so much sharp and piercing as it is pervasive and relentless. There are days, such as this one, where I swear I can actually hear the bones of my skull creaking at the seams from the pressure inside. It's a little distracting.

Over the years I have heard every cockamamie crackpot theory regarding Migraines, and the care and feeding thereof. Mostly from doctors. I have had every kind of shot, pill, inhaler, steroid, and snakeoil in an attempt to slay the beast. I've had enough x-rays and MRI's of the inside of my head that I should glow in the dark. I've changed diet, and avoided the things that are supposed to be triggers. Sometimes chocolate gives me a headache, and sometimes it doesn't, sometimes it cures it. Tomato sauce almost always makes me sick, but not every time. Nothing works consistently, not even morphine. Over-the-counter Excedrin is about the only thing that helps reasonably reliably, I think it's the caffeine. Which is my drug of choice this morning - 3 Excedrine Migraine chased down with a Venti Caramel Machiato from Starbucks. Can't hurt.

Question for the group (updated, again)

I was thinking of posting a couple of paragraphs from the first chapter of my novel. I had actually gone so far as to put it on this post, below the fold. Then I deleted it. I'm confident of my writing, and I have no problem putting my words up for the world to read - that's ultimately my intention away.

I just don't know if I should do anything first, i.e. do I need to legally protect a couple of grubby paragraphs? I could go over to Storybones and look around, since it is most likely that Steve has already explored this issue in detail and I can just surf along on his coattails without any real effort on my part. But, I've got a splitting headache at the moment, so I'll just save that for later and instead go to bed.

Some of you have wrestled with this very issue (posting your work, not the headache). Advise me, please.

---------------------------

Update: Thanks guys (and by guys I mean guys in the unisex Navy definition). Janiece , I'm pretty sure I can do what you suggested vis a vis the password thing through HTML coding. I'll fool with it one of these days when my head doesn't feel like there's a live alligator inside trying to bite its way out. I don't code well when there is a large carnivorous reptile clawing at my frontal lobes.

After careful consideration, here's the first chapter in it's entirety, somewhat edited:
(update, see this is the whole chapter, just with some bits expunged (like most of it), posting it this way is supposed to be clever. In hindsight I feel like Johnny Carson when one of his jokes bombed, if I keep at it, eventually I'm going to get some laughs)
--------------------------------------------------

The man was roused from a fitful sleep by the frigid draft.
...(removed so as not to piss off prospective publishers )...
Decades ago and light-years away, tiny machines had colonized the vitreous humor of his eyes.
...(removed so as not to piss off prospective publishers )...
He wanted to sleep in a bed, take a hot shower, and taste real coffee again, and not necessarily in that order.
...(removed so as not to piss off prospective publishers )...
“Son of a bitch!” he shouted at the stars. He hopped up and down on his one good foot, dancing and shaking his fist at the sky. “I made it, by God! I made it! Son. Of. A. Bitch!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

You may now unleash the fanfic hounds.

I could use a little Global Warming right now

Click on the picture, go on, do it!

Looking south towards Anchorage from my sunroom window. Yes, that is a dusting of snow on the top of Pioneer Peak this morning. Argh! I am not ready for winter yet.

Think Different.

So after this morning’s rant where I said something or other nasty about Apple and how I hope they get invaded by Homeland Security or taken over by Microsoft or something like that – I ended up this afternoon in the Apple Store. Yep. That’s fate for you, witty eh?

Now, just for the record, I did feel a shooting pain deep in my brain, the Earth did rumble ominously, and small children began to weep. Outside, lightening flashed and the skies darkened. A chill wind began to blow. However, I was on a mission and was not dissuaded from my purpose.

See my wife has an iPod and she’s heading out on a business trip soon and I wanted to get her an external power-supply – basically a little gizmo just large enough to hold a couple of AAA’s that plugs into the iPod and extends or recharges the internal power supply, so you can watch movies the whole flight instead of just the first four hours or so. Yeah, you probably have one, good for you. Anyway, moving on, for iPod crap, you have to go to the Apple store – or Wal-Mart. I have never been in an Apple Store. I was feeling adventurous, so I chose the more unknown of evils today.

What we learned today: Some clichés are based on fact.

A few observations:

1) There were five people working in the store, four men and one woman. The woman was wearing shorts and a wife-beater type shirt; she does not shave and she does not care if you know it; she was wearing Birkenstock shoes; she was short, wide, and somewhat cubistic in shape; and she looked like she could kick your ass all up and down the road. All four men had beards. Not neat stylish beards. More like scruffy, living-in-your-mom’s-basement and never-had-a-date beards. None of them wore suspenders; however, all four wore glasses, wire-rimmed in odd shapes. I don’t think bathing was something most of them did as a priority. One of them smelled like burning oregano, he might have been the manager but I can’t be certain as none of them wore name tags or any other identifying marks. It is possible that no one was in charge, they may have been organized in some socialist hive structure – but then you’d think that they would all smell like burning oregano, it’s a mystery.

2) The store was practically empty of inventory. There were some cool looking monitors with very slim minimalist keyboards that I assume were Apple Macintosh computers. I wondered where the actual computer parts were, I didn’t want to get too close, I was afraid they would smell the PC on me and attack. There were exactly seven, seven, boxes of Apple software. I actually counted them. Seven boxes in the whole glossy white little store. Apparently even the Apple Store doesn’t carry Macintosh software. Maybe there was more in back, I don’t know, however there were twelve boxes of Microsoft Windows XP. When I remarked about it, oregano-breath made some crack about “at least it isn’t Vista,” then he made some kind of snorky nerd noise. There were more iPod accessories than everything else in the store combined.

3) I was the only customer.

4) None of them had any idea what I was talking about, but all of them were pretty sure they didn’t carry it. I had to go look through the iPod paraphernalia myself, like some high school pothead desperately pawing through a seventies hop-shop looking for a pack of zigzags (yeah yeah, the burning oregano smell put the metaphor in mind, and I was damn well going to use it). Not only did they have one external power supply, they actually had four. And as soon as I pulled it down from the wall-o-iPod all of the Apple Associates became instant experts on the device. Oh, that external power supply…why didn’t you say so?

5) They could not work the cash register. No, really. The register was a Macintosh, very fancy, with lots of gizmos attached to it, including the credit card reader (I say ‘gizmos’ because I don’t know what you call Apple peripherals). First, the register would not connect to the wireless server (wireless cash register? Wireless? Hmmm Okaaay, he says dubiously). Eventually all four of the bearded types were wiggling and jiggling various Mac components and scowling at the screen – the chick ignored me. Eventually oregano-breath goes in the back and voila we’re connected. Now the register won’t connect to the database. More scowling, more wiggling. Eventually we’re in. Uh huh, one of them actually said “we’re in.” I was looking around for the Mission Impossible crew. They take my debit card (it’s a group effort at this point), but the card reader doesn’t work. Maybe if we do it slowly. No? Maybe fast? Somebody remarks that the “IT guy needs to fix this thing.” Excuse me says I, but aren’t you guys technically IT guys? They answer with blank stares verging on the hostile. Two of them wandered away, I had apparently offended them. Then again I hear oregano affects concentration so maybe that was it. Eventually the card reads, but …wait for it…nothing. Can’t connect to Visa or some such. They asked if I could maybe come back later? Tomorrow even?

6) I went to Wal-Mart.

And while I'm at it

Nomah's Land



The world needs more music like this.

Have some Boom Boom

A little youtube, for you:

Things, they are gonna change, part 3

I had a sarcastic rant bubbling in my head all day. But frankly, sarcasm takes energy and I’m just too dammed tired and in too much pain this morning, so this will probably come out as a rambling diatribe rather than the humorous bit I had planned. Also there is a cat sitting in my lap (the Grey One, AKA the Fat One, AKA Kenai) who occasional likes to help with the typing (he has some kind of fascination with the touchpad, who understands cats?). You pays your money and you takes your chances, you’ve been warned.

The whole DRM thing stems from my attempts to download Metisse’s albums My Fault and Nomah’s Land. I’ve had a Rhapsody account for some time, but I haven’t used it in a long while. The few times did I use it, it worked like a charm. So anyway, last night I logged into my Rhapsody account and attempted to download the aforementioned albums. No dice. I got a message saying that I needed to install a new updated Rhapsody client. Bah. But I really wanted the albums, and you can’t buy the dammed CDs here in the states, so… The update package downloaded fine, the install went fine, the Rhapsody client started fine, then things went to hell. Rhapsody wanted some kind of security update, which would not download. I even went so far as to disable my firewall and security packages (not something I do lightly) – nada. I got tired of screwing around, so I brought up Urge which is semi-integrated into WMP v11. Again I downloaded the client portion, and again it wants a “security update,” which would not work – until I downloaded WMP v11 again and reinstalled it again. Then and only then would Urge install correctly and allow me to download the albums. Finally, after 4 hours of screwing around, I got the music. Hallelujah.

Now we need to take a little detour here: I should mention that there are anywhere from six to ten computers running in my network at any one time (I’m a geek, sue me) – including the monster HP server in the den where I store data, music, pictures, home movies, etc. This machine is my life, the data there goes back to 1978 (through endless data transfers and upgrades of course), there is well over a terabyte of information stored on its drives. Several months ago I began to notice a slowdown in processing; this is significant because the machine is a dual Pentium 4 with gigs of RAM, its processing power approaches that of an Alpha Station. And the drives were running continuously. Hmmm, classic virus behavior. Yikes! But I run very good scanners and my security software is custom designed, defense in depth, running active and aggressive all the time - and indeed a full scan detected no virus, no worms, no trojans. Long story short, a custom process scanner finally uncovered the culprit: iTunes. iTunes was inventorying the data on my server, and more than that, it was communicating with somebody on the internet, uploading a significant amount of packets. This is extremely weird because, see, I never installed iTunes on my server. Detailed examination of the system logs, including router logs, showed what happened: somewhere Quicktime updated itself automatically(despite the fact that I specifically disable any automatic updates on this machine) – and installed iTunes without asking. When the server rebooted following a power-outage, iTunes started as a hidden process. Then iTunes decided to poke around my system and see what was what - and it was telling somebody about it. The IP address traced to Mountain View (Sunnyvale), Ca, you do the math. Like I said, classic virus behavior. It took hours to eradicate this piece of insidious sneaking shit from my machine – along with QuickTime. Then I updated the firewall and scanners to make Goddammed sure that it is never, never, allowed back into the house. I am no Microsoft fan, but I purely loath Apple. After I become Emperor the Universe, everybody responsible is going to be enjoying winter on Pluto. Trust me on this. So, anyway, for this reason, and a couple of others, I am very careful about what goes on the data server. However, this is where I store music files, and it's the machine I use to sync my ZEN.

Back to the original story: So, I transferred the albums from my laptop to the music library on the server via the network so I could update my ZEN. And everything goes to hell, again. I use WMP v11 because it is the only software package that can handle the size of my library (over 100k music files), everything else just chokes and dies. Also WMP works very well with the ZEN. However, WMP tells me I am not authorized to play the albums on this computer without a security update and I have to purchase the music again. Arrgh! The recording industry can kiss my fuzzy white ass. Eventually I burned the albums to CD using the laptop, and then ripped them onto the server, stripping off the DRM encoding. Then sync’d the ZEN so I can listen to Matisse in the shop. So, happy ending, but Jeebus H. Christmas it shouldn’t be this hard. I paid for the music, it’s mine, and I’ll damn well listen to it whenever and wherever and on whatever machine I friggin’ feel like.

Look, I'm all about protecting the intellectual property of the artist, but this is bullshit. I'm an artist myself, but I don't tell people who purchase my woodwork what they can do with it. Once they've paid me, they can do what they want with my stuff. They can sell it to others, hell, they give it away. I don't care, I got paid. Not exactly the same thing as copying and distributing music files, sure, but you get where I'm coming from here, right?

Attention Recording Industry: Up yours, Jackasses. DRM is not about protecting the artist, it’s not about protecting intellectual property, what it is about is protecting recording industry CEOs’ incomes. It’s about making my life difficult. It’s one more layer of aggravation. And it pisses me off – and you know what that means. Pluto. Here’s how it’s going to go down, after I crown myself Ultimate Emperor of the Universe you assholes are going to be laboring in the phlebotinum mines right alongside the anti-tamper seal idiots, see here for details, except your spacesuits will be specially modified to take only certain oxygen bottles. That’s right, you’ll have to pay for each bottle, every time, and each bottle can only be used on a specific suit – no refills, no sharing. How you like me now? Dickheads.

Busy today

I'm a tad busy today, making up for wasting labor day watching Dead Like Me reruns and HD DVD episodes of Heroes. Heh, I guess for me it was more like Organized Labor Day, in the productivity department that is. Anyway, I'm spending most of today in the shop, constructing the china cabinet carcasses and seething over DRM. Expect an Imperial Decree later today on the subject - because in the distressingly long list of things that just utterly piss me off, DRM is rapidly approaching the top ten.

I see dead people...and aliens

Argh! The SciFi Channel is running a Dead Like Me marathon today. Damn damn and damn. I've got a whole list of things to do today, I'm not supposed to be sitting around in my sweats watching this weird quirky little show. But, I love everything about Dead Like Me, from the theme song (and the grim reaper opening) to the each of the complex, quirky characters, to the intelligent story arcs and clever writing. I especially love the way the characters began to develop in the 2nd Season. I love the strange quirky soundtrack, especially Boom Boom Ba by Metisse. I can't even begin to express how much it irritates me that the show was canceled after only two seasons and I'm never going to know the answers to its mysteries, i.e. how did Rube die, why does Daisy have that sad little smile, and who exactly is Crystal? Argh! After I become Ultimate Emperor of the Universe I'm going to make it a law that all canceled shows must end with a really great wrap-up movie, a la Firefly and Serenity. Dammit! I just bought the HD version of Heroes yesterday, can't justify the purchase of both seasons of Dead Like Me for a couple of weeks. Argh!

(Update! Surfing around IMDB, I just discovered that the SciFi Channel is doing a Dead Like Me 2007 Movie! It appears that I may get my wish after all. See? See? This blog is changing the universe. Hah, take that, non believers.)

Right now, I should be in the shop planing and jointing roughcut birch planks for the display cabinets. If not that, then I should be writing. I may have mentioned somewhere that I have delusions of becoming a writer full time. To that end I've been working on a novel for a while now. I'm maybe 3/4 of the way through the first draft at this point and I've been at a standstill for going on a year. The problem is, or was, that the plot has become complex enough that it requires full time attention and up until now I just haven't been able to concentrate on it. Now that I'm retired from the military, and more importantly school is back in session and my son is gone most of the day, I really don't have an excuse - and if that wasn't motivation enough, my wife has made it pretty clear that I will not be spending the rest of my life puttering around in the wood shop.

The novel is a puzzle, a scifi locked-room murder-mystery told in the traditional mode (i.e. ahhh ha! The butler did it!). It is multi-view point. It explorers a new world. It will change your life. Because that's the kind of stuff I like to read. If that's not enough for you, it's also illustrated with a number of sketches, maps, and drawings - by me.

Here's a sample, try to contain yourselves. This was done using a Gateway CX2618 Convertible tablet and Art Rage 2.5. The creature is a large predator, the Greater Maul, and figures somewhat prominently in the story.