I’m certainly no genius when it comes to math.
But, you know, I can do basic arithmetic. You give me a #2 pencil, some data points, and a nice piece of graph paper and I can plot a curve. That’s what I’m saying here.
Meet Joe Miller, rightwing Senatorial candidate from Alaska.
A couple of data points:
Joe wants to end farm subsidies … yet he himself applied for and received such benefits.
Joe wants to get rid of unemployment insurance, he says it’s unconstitutional … and yet he fired his own wife (after he hired her illegally) instead having her resign. Firing her allowed the woman to collect unemployment benefits. Resigning didn’t.
Joe talks about integrity … see previous paragraph.
Joe wants open government … but claims “Attorney Client Privilege” when asked about his own work for the government here in Alaska.
Joe condemns Barack Obama for not releasing personal records … but refuses to release his own records or answer any more personal questions from the “Lamestream” media.
Joe is pro-life … and pro death-penalty. What's that called, retroactive abortion?
Joe condemns the Alaskan Dispatch and other bloggers for twisting his words and claims we create falsehoods about his position … yet he blatantly and deliberately and provably lied about Senator Lisa Murkowski’s vote on the Healthcare bill. When called out on it during a live TV debate by Murkowski herself, shrugged and continues to do it. It's not hypocrisy if you're doing it for Jesus, just sayin'.
Joe talks about Alaska for Alaskans … and takes significant support in both money and campaign assistance from the out of state TEA Party Express.
Joe thinks the scientific evidence for global climate change is “dubious at best” … but the pseudo-science behind creationism and other religious mythos is totally credible and should be taught in school.
Joe wants to end federally funded programs like Denali Kid Care here in Alaska … now that his brood is no longer enrolled in the program.
Joe wants to end federal funding for education, and indeed he wants to eliminate the Department of Education altogether because he says it’s unconstitutional … and seems to forget that taxpayers paid not only for his West Point education but then loaned him a whole bushel of money for his Yale law degree - money which he still hasn’t paid back by the way, despite his substantial income. (Oddly, on a related note, Joe still hasn't answered my and other veterans' question: i.e. if the Dept of Education isn't constitutional since it wasn't mentioned in the Constitution, what about the Department of Veteran's Affairs? The Department of Energy? What about the Department of Homeland Security? Hello?)
Joe believes in “equal justice under the law” … except for certain folks who shouldn’t be allowed to serve openly in the military or get married or adopt children or teach or, well, you know, but other than that people should be equal. Well, maybe except for those bastards who don’t believe in the correct Jesus.
Joe rails against the arrogance of Washington … but wants to rescind the 17th Amendment because he thinks voters are too stupid to be allowed to choose their own Senators, that you see should be reserved for totally humble lawyers and men of the people who went to West Point and Yale. See, Joe wants government “closer to the people” and according to Joe the way to do that is to empower government to decide who gets to be government. No contradiction there. Not at all. These are not the droids you’re looking for. You can go about your business. Move along. Move along.
Joe thinks Medicaid is unconstitutional … now that he no longer needs it to support his eight children. Except maybe he didn’t actually need the assistance his family got, but that’s totally different from those welfare parasites who just keep having babies they can’t afford. Yes sir, it is. Totally different.
Joe wants to eliminate big government (and the federal employees that go with it) … yet oddly fails to mention that the vast majority of his own employment has been state and federal jobs and that he is actively and aggressively seeking another government job right now.
Now we draw the curve:
Joe hates gay people, saying homosexuality is “a sin and therefore immoral” …
No, I’m not insinuating anything. Nothing at all. Certainly not. And I have no idea where you got that idea. I never even implied that he has a shirtless Mr. Sulu poster on his garage wall, that was totally your idea. I’m appalled that you would even think it, yes I am.
Even if Joe Miller is an ultra-conservative republican…
And an ultra-religious Christian…
I said stop that.
Who wants to be a Senator…
Why do you hate America? Why?
With a beard…
Now you stop that! Stop that right now!
Look, I’m just saying that if you give me some graph paper I can tell the difference between a curve and straight line.
Note for those who don’t read this blog on a regular basis: Tongue firmly in cheek here, even if Joe’s face rug does set my Gaydar to flashing in rainbow colors.