Thursday, July 15, 2010

If The Bible Was Written By Christians

As many of you long time readers probably know, I am not a religious person.

No! Say it ain’t so, Jim!

Yes, yes, big surprise there.

I am neither a spiritual nor a religious person. And in fact, my position on religion, organized or otherwise, can probably be best summed up as somewhere between “not interested” and “violent hostility” trending around “impatient contempt” on the Leave-Me-The-Hell-Alone-O-Meter depending mostly on how you approach me with your particular belief system.  I.e. if you begin with “Say, would you be interested in discussing my beliefs in a mutually respectful and I don’t try to convert, witness, condemn, or otherwise nail your ass to a cross, light you on fire, or pelt you with heavy stones manner ” you’ll probably get my patented, “Thanks, I respect you, but I’m really not interested in your relationship with Crom” response.  On the other hand if you approach me with wild eyes, waving your holy book, froth, spittle, and the Burning Fever of The Prophet Upon You or you appear to be carrying matches or a hammer and nails or the Instruments of God’s Holy Inquisition, you’re very likely to meet with sudden physical violence on your private parts from which you’ll suffer grievously and for a protracted period – you would also do well to remember that I’m armed, I own several chainsaws and a wide assortment of tools for disassembling large mammals into their component parts, and a lot of heavily forested, isolated, bear infested land in Alaska. I just mention this in passing, is all, something to think about while you’re standing uninvited on my porch reaching for the doorbell button.

My personal outlook when it comes to religion, faith, belief, and spirituality can best be summed up by the phrase, “Show me the money.”  If you can prove to me using testable and repeatable criteria that your beliefs are indeed a demonstrable reality, I’ll believe. Simple as that. Otherwise, no dice. I will not take religion on faith. Period. No more so than if you claimed to be able to predict the future with an accuracy significantly above that of random chance or levitate the furniture with the power of your brain and a handful of magic crystals.  I think if you claim God spoke to you and commanded you to run for Senator from Nevada (for example) or Governor of Alaska (for example), you should have to prove that claim in a court of law and/or laboratory setting or admit that you stopped taking your medication. You’re the one with the invisible friends, Harvey the Rabbit is your assertion, the burden of proof is on you.  

I think this is fair, I put exactly the same onus on science.

At the moment I regard most religious beliefs about the same way I regard cold fusion – I’m doubtful in the extreme however I am willing to reconsider, but I’m still waiting for you to put your cards on the table. And to be candid, I’m a tad less skeptical of cold fusion.

Honestly? I don’t care. I don’t. I just don’t care. Soon enough, I’ll be dead – then I’ll know. Until then I’m going to live my life in the same manner I do now, which is a hell of a lot more productive, just, moral, ethical, compassionate, and closer to the principles most mainstream religions profess to espouse than a large majority of devoutly religious leaders and people I could name.  If it turns out I’m wrong, well then the Great Bird of the Universe can kiss my ass and I’ll deal with it then. I’d say that you would also then be free to point and laugh, but that would be damned unchristian of you, wouldn’t it? You might get unceremoniously booted out of heaven and end up being my cellmate – at which point I’ll point and laugh at you. Probably best you just worry about the beam in your own eye and leave me to deal with my mote in peace. 

Which is not to say that I don’t actually know something about religion. Because I do.

Which is probably what reflexively pisses me off about it.

Way, way too often religion isn’t about faith, it’s about power.  It’s about control. It’s about attention. It’s about making other people do what you want - not what your deity wants but what you want.  It may not have started out that way, but far, far, far too often that’s exactly how it ends up. 

When God hates all the same people you do, that’s a pretty good indicator that your beliefs have gone off the rails.

In yesterday’s post I used the parable of the Good Samaritan as an example, and something Vagabond said in the comments really set me to thinking about it again. While I think the Christian Bible has a lot of irrelevant or silly or down-right evil stuff in it, I also think there are a lot of good things in there too - such as the parable of the Good Samaritan.  What astounds me is how many so-called Christians seem to focus on the assholery and ignore the really good things. It never ceases to amaze me how many Christians quote the Old Testament in support of their particular agenda, anti-abortion, anti-gay, anti-this, anti-that, what have you, instead of quoting their Christ. Could that be because Jesus didn’t say the things they would like to claim he did? And as a result they have to reach back into the old, more primitive, less peaceful, hateful portions of the Bible - before their prophet showed up - in order to support their own personal agenda?

Again, when God hates all the same exact people and things you do, it might be time to do some actual soul searching.

I have to wonder what the parable of the Good Samaritan would look like if it was penned by the “Christians” I see on my TV every day, instead of by Paul’s pal the Syrian doctor.


Hmmmm, what would that be like?

Just for instance, let’s say the Second Coming takes place at a Tea Party rally…

The Parable of the Bueno Latino:

…An “expert” in the law stood up to test Jesus.

Expert: “Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

Jesus: “Dude, how many times do I have to go over this? Look, what’s written in the Law? How do you interpret it?”

Expert: “Be nice to people?”

Jesus: “Bingo! Love your neighbor. Do this and you win the lotto.”

Expert: “That’s it? Love my neighbor? Yo, longhair, what kind of hippy shit is that? My neighbor is queer as a three-Shekal coin! He’s Swish McLightintheloafersson! I’m not lovin’ him. What else you got?”

Jesus sighed and raised his eyes to Heaven. Why, why hast thou forsaken me? he mouthed silently at the sky.  “Let me give you an example,”  he said to the Expert. “This Muslim dude was on his way from San Francisco down to LA and along the way he gets mugged. A bunch of punk ass bitches took his money and his ride and his iPhone. They even took his clothes. Then they gave him a major beat down. They f’ed his shit up, man.”

Expert: “Serves him right. He should have been packin’.  2nd Amendment Rights, that’s what I’m talking about! The damned Nazi Communists are ruining this country. Goddamned, pardon my French, liberals will probably just let them punks go! Not that an Ayrab don’t deserve to get lit up.”

Jesus: “Yeah, annnnnyway, this guy is laying there, half dead in the rest stop parking lot.  A TV Evangelist comes rolling up in his Lexis, and drives down to the other end of the lot pretending like he doesn’t see the guy laying there bleeding.”

Expert: “Boo fucking hoo. He’s from San Francisco, he’s probably a friggin homo anyway.”

Jesus: “Next, along comes a businessman. He’s on his phone and he’s too busy to help. He drives on by.”

Expert: “Why in the hell should business help this queer out? See? That’s the problem in this country, bunch of lazy bastards expect handouts from business, no wonder all our jobs are going to India!”

Jesus raised a hand, wroth, lightening crackled. Then he sighed again, “turn the other cheek, Jesus, turn the other cheek,” he said to himself. He continued on with the story, “Finally, a migrant laborer came along on his way up to the San Joaquin Valley to pick cabbages and lettuce.”

Expert: “This story sucks! I don’t even know who to root for, the illegal or the towelhead guy.”

Jesus: “I’m starting to understand why my pops tried to drown the whole damned lot of you people a while back.”

Expert: “What?”

Jesus: “I told him that eight people, all relatives, wasn’t enough to restart the human race. Did he listen? Oh hell no. Now look at you drooling idiots.”

Expert: “What?”

Jesus: “Nothing, Harelip.  Look, the Mexican guy sees the Muslim laying there bleeding and so he stops, bandages the man’s wounds, and helps him into his own truck. Then he drives him to the hospital.”

Expert: “I can see where this is going. I bet that Arab guy didn’t have insurance. And who gets to pick up the tab? The taxpayers, right?”

Jesus: “Wrong. The Mexican guy pulls out his Visa Silver and pays for the man’s medical treatment. Then he says if there is anything more, send me the bill.”

Expert: “Ahhhh, I think I see.”

Jesus: “You get the point of the story, right?”

Expert: “I got it. Jeez with the preaching already.”

Jesus: “Good, now go and do likewise!”

The Expert returned to the others and explained how God told him illegal aliens were using socialism to ruin the best healthcare system in the world. Afterward, on the way home from the rally, the expert and his friends beat up some queers in a rest stop bathroom because they figured that’s what Jesus told them to do.



Next: Loaves and Fishes –or- Jesus demonstrates that unemployment benefits contribute to the entitlement mentality of laziness. 

And: Water to Wine? Why the Liberals are stealing our vital fluids.


  1. Hm, So now wouldn't be a good time to tell you about the advantages and services offered by the church of C'thulhu; is that what you're saying?

  2. Dang. The current version of the Bible is pretty depressing. A Teabagger version would convince me that burning books is a good idea in some cases.

    And Jamie, while Cthulhu is certainly a worthy god to worship, my personal preference (this month) is the Flying Spaghetti Monster, bless his noodley appendages. rAmen.

  3. Yeah but Kelly, the FSM just seems to positive, with C'thulhu I have the pleasure of knowing that I worshi a dark and terrible being that doesn't even bother to notice me before stripping me of my soul.
    Kind of like the Old testament God really...

  4. I figure when I'm dead I'll be the same place I was before I was born. I have a hard time even reading the OT because it's so awful.

    Anyway - perhaps you should write a book of updated parables and dedicate it to the Tea Party. This was a good one.

    trinest - 3, 3, 3, nests in 1

  5. Way, way too often religion isn’t about faith, it’s about power. It’s about control. It’s about attention. It’s about making other people do what you want - not what your deity wants but what you want. It may not have started out that way, but far, far, far too often that’s exactly how it ends up.

    As a Christian, I'd really, really like to disagree with you. Sadly, I can't.

  6. Note:

    I hope that you all understand that this was written to a great extent tongue in cheek - and that my intention wasn't to offend anybody.

    I know many, many Christians whom I have great respect for, and who do their very best to live their lives as Jesus decreed they should.

    However, increasingly, I have contact with "Christians" who I strongly suspect would have been right down there with the Romans pounding in the nails.

    What prompted this post, in addition to Vagabond's comment yesterday - was a number of emails I receive demanding respect for the writer's religious beliefs accompanied by a declaration that they'll "pray for me." I find this offensive - because while the speaker demands respect for his/her beliefs, he has none for mine. None. Period. I find this exceptionally obnoxious, and I'm finding that it happens more and more often. I find that increasingly, mainstream Christianity is defined by the things they hate and are intolerant of, instead of the things they love.

    Again, not all, maybe not even a majority - but here in America, especially since Obama was elected I see it everywhere.


    On a side note: I also find militant atheists to be intolerant assholes more often than not, which is why I don't define myself as one.

  7. Jim,

    Not that I'm all that much more religious than you (maybe a skosh?), but what's with all the haytin' on the Old Testament. Talk about yer cherry pickin'!

    That whole "Love thy Neighbor" thing? Jesus was quoting the Old Testament. And tithing? That's Old Testament stuff about leaving a tenth of your crops for the poor to harvest for themselves. (And no fair, just leaving the crappy stunted wheat either, you've gotta leave the good stuff.) I could find a bunch more examples, but I'm too lazy.

    Anyway, you've gotta give God a break for at least some of that smiting stuff. Face it...there were a lot of smite-worthy assholes running around.

  8. ".. there is a Priest or a pastor reading from my book. And interpreting it. And their interpretations, i have to tell you, are usually wrong. It's not their fault, this is not their book. You never see a Rabbi interpreting the new testament, do you? If you want to truly understand the old testament, if there is something you don't quite get, there are Jews who walk among you! And they, I promise you this, will take time out their Jewey Jewey day and interpret for you, anything you have trouble understanding... and we will do that of course if the price is right." -- Lewis Black on religion.

  9. This is excellent coming on the heels of seeing Richard Dawkins last night here in Fairbanks. One of the first slides was, "Religion: Is it good for nothing?" And though the talk was about whether religion was a Darwinian adaptation or intelligently designed, it was very refreshing to see the concert hall overflowing, literally into another building, for such an event.

    Jim, you'd go ballistic where I work - there are so many email signatures that have some sort of blessing / religiously inspirational message in them that it's hard to respond coherently to any or all of them. Like whack-a-mole, only with 31 "Christian" flavors. Yeah, that whole 'praying for me' thing gets my hackles up, too.

    'smite-worthy' hehheh - thanks, Nathan.

  10. I think they're using the whole "I'm a Christian" in the same way they're using the "I'm a Constitutionalist" thing. They keep using those words, but I don't think they mean what they think they mean.

  11. Jed Rothwell, do people like you actually read the articles you come across when you're doing your obsessive daily google search for the one bugaboo juju magic fixation you have, or do you just drop a link into the comments section of every blog on the internet?

    You want to participate in the convesation here, fine. You're looking to drive my readers to your bullshit psuedo science conspiracy site you're going to be sorely dissappointed.

  12. And when you point out that it was Paul who wrote that Christians shouldn't take the Old Testament literally (Galatians) you just get puzzled or condescendingly sympathetic looks.

    I've always thought that innocent until proven guilty applies to the universe as well.

    Here's a somewhat on-topic link I just read and thought might be of interest to this crowd:

    "No Dominion: The Lonely, Dangerous Fight Against Christian Supremacists Inside the Armed Forces"


  13. Holy bibles outside my apartment doors last week.

    But we are born atheist if you will, as religion is a mad made construct we are not born with the knowledge of God already implanted into our thoughts it is taught to us by fellow men.
    The burden of proof lies on the religious to prove that Christianity is real, yet they have not provided us with a shred of verifiable evidence. Hey I'm open to the possibility this will happen but I have my greatest doubts.

  14. Jed Rothwell,

    I'll see your lenr-canr and raise you a timecube.


    When you've completely parsed the entire site, I'll be glad to take a look at yours.

  15. I just spit coffee all over my blackberry. Brilliant comeback there Nathan.

  16. Jim Wright wrote:

    "You want to participate in the convesation here, fine. You're looking to drive my readers to your bullshit psuedo science conspiracy site you're going to be sorely dissappointed."

    This site features a bibliography of ~1,200 papers published in peer-reviewed journals, copied from the library at Los Alamos, and 2,500 other papers from conference proceedings, government agencies, the U.S. Navy, NSF, EPRI, BARC Mitsubishi and various universities. It includes ~1,000 full text papers. All of these papers are written by professional scientists and they are about experimental science, not pseudo-science or conspiracy theories.

    I wrote this in response to your comment here, which seems substantive:

    "At the moment I regard most religious beliefs about the same way I regard cold fusion – I’m doubtful in the extreme however I am willing to reconsider, but I’m still waiting for you to put your cards on the table. And to be candid, I’m a tad less skeptical of cold fusion."

    I am an atheist with no strong feelings about religion, positive or negative. However, if you seriously mean you are willing to reconsider cold fusion, I suggest you read some of the scientific literature and reconsider. Your intemperate response to me makes me think you are not serious. You would not reconsider. I have given you ~1,000 papers, which surely is "putting the cards on the table." Evidently, you refuse to look.

    Cold fusion and religion are completely unrelated subjects. I know nothing about the latter, but I can see that you are closed-minded and dogmatic regarding cold fusion, so it seems likely you are equally unfit to judge religion.

  17. I sense a conspiracy in the wind. It's obvious to me that big oil companies, the international communist conspiracy, atheists, mormons and masons are suppressing cold fusion technology in the name of power and the almighty buck. Cold fusion works! How do you think those cold water fountains work? Endless supplies of lovely cold water at the press of a button! I've recently uncovered (thought up) evidence that Cthulhu is behind all of those groups and they only exist to further is unfathomable agenda. I'm also positive that the flying spaghetti monster is Cthulhu . . . just with a good public relations plan. Damn . . . now that I've posted this, THEY know where to find me . . .time to hit the road again!

  18. The Expert returned to the others and explained how God told him illegal aliens were using socialism to ruin the best healthcare system in the world.

    Ah, damn, that's where the Georgia primary candidates got their drivel...No, I'm not kidding, at least one GOP candidate is using that line in campaign ads!!

  19. Jed, remind me to introduce you to the anti-LHC crowd. You'll fit right in.

    Generally I don't have to explain the blindingly obvious to my readers, but in this case I see I must: This article is about certain aspects of religious extremism not cold fusion. I used cold fusion as a simple comparison and to lend a bit of humor to a touchy subject (please note the hyperbolic style used throughout the rest of the article, a common feature of my writing here on Stonekettle Station). Your attempt to redirect the conversation to cold fusion is no different than if you'd fastened upon my reference to chainsaws or the Lexis automobile. You didn't come here looking to join in the conversation at hand, you came here looking to lecture us rubes on cold fusion.

    You consider me "close-minded and dogmatic" because a) I prefer that this conversation not be snaked off topic into your little pet interest, and b) you rear-ended my blog with a cryptic one-line hyperlink in the comments section in an obvious attempt to draw readers to your own interest without so much as a reach around.

    It is classic trollish behavior. You have no interest whatsoever in this site, you're just using it to grab readership for your own interestes. It's rude and selfish and it irritates me.

    If you don't want to be treated like a bore at the party, then don't act like one.

  20. Jim Wright wrote: "Jed, remind me to introduce you to the anti-LHC crowd. You'll fit right in."

    I do not think so. The leading researchers in cold fusion include people who played a key role in big-science such as the LHC, such as the Director of the Indian Atomic Energy Commission; a member of the French AEC who was the principal designer of their power reactors; the head of the Japanese Nat. Plasma Fusion lab.; experts from the PPPL and Los Alamos; the editors of three leading nuclear physics journals; and Schwinger and two other Nobel laureates. I do not know where you got the impression that these people are opposed to science or poorly educated, but you are incorrect.

    ". . . This article is about certain aspects of religious extremism not cold fusion. I used cold fusion as a simple comparison."

    It is a false comparison. You express an anti-intellectual, anti-science attitude similar to Creationism. You are rejecting data and make ignorant assertions about the researchers -- such as the notion that they resemble "anti-LHC crowd." You are ridiculing important research that you know nothing about. You are jumping to conclusions. You may fancy yourself a skeptic but you are acting like a faith-based true believer instead.

  21. Thanks for proving my point, Jed.

    You're done now. Go away. Don't comment here again.

  22. I tend to really like it when various cuisines are mixed...Asian-Greek, Spanish-German, Tex-Mex,...you name it.

    But most of them suck when served cold.

  23. Jesus: “I told him that eight people, all relatives, wasn’t enough to restart the human race. Did he listen? Oh hell no. Now look at you drooling idiots.”

    Now that - that makes absolute, blinding, perfect sense. I knew there was a scientific explanation for the existence of them! :D

    Enjoying your blog very much, btw.

  24. Spanish-German?

    Spanish food and german beer? I'm in. Who says I'm closed minded?

  25. Nathan, Tex-Mex ain't a mixed cuisine! It's just real good. Darn New Yorkers, thinking they know anything about real food!

  26. I was sorta-directed to this blog today by a family member who linked it via his facebook. At any rate, he posted it, I saw it and came over. I enjoyed the post, it's a good mix of hyperbole and humor combined with something to get you thinking.

    In an overarching sense, I agree with a lot of what was said here. Regarding the comments section, I will have to say that Cthulhu is better than FSM any day of the week.

  27. Jubal Harshaw from the O.C.July 16, 2010 at 5:11 PM

    Religion is a solace to many people and it is even conceivable that some religion, somewhere, really is Ultimate Truth. But in many cases, being religious is merely a form of conceit. The Bible Belt faith in which I was brought up encouraged me to think that I was better than the rest of the world; I was 'saved' and they were 'damned' — we were in a state of grace and the rest of the world were 'heathens' and by 'heathen' they meant such people as our brother Mahmoud. It meant that an ignorant, stupid lout who seldom bathed and planted his corn by the phase of the Moon could claim to know the final answers of the Universe. That entitled him to look down his nose at everybody else. Our hymn book was loaded with such arrogance — mindless, conceited, self-congratulation on how cozy we were with the Almighty and what a high opinion he had of us and us alone, and what hell everybody else was going to catch come Judgment Day.

  28. I thought Jubal Harshaw was from Bonny Doon near Santa Cruz, not the OC?

    @Ryan I will have to say that Cthulhu is better than FSM any day of the week.

    Well, sure, you have to say that, otherwise Cthulhu will crack your head open like a walnut and eat your soul. I'm with you, Ryan, I'm with you.

  29. You want facts?

    U will die FACT!
    U will stand before GOD and be judged FACT!
    Then you will go to HELL FACT!
    U wont be laughing then FACT!

    This blog should be illegal because it is sick and evil FACT!

  30. Does this mean factcheck.org has gone completely off the rails? I used to like their stuff.

  31. When the comment section is wrestling with actual post for chuckle content I feel like I'm being spoiled. I await (hopefully) still more of your 'parables for the modern age'. I'm thinking if you are ever looking for a sidebar the Onion could use writers of your caliber.

    Yah yah...too much ass-kissing for one day but there you have it.

  32. No no, I'm good with the ass-kissing. ;)

  33. My higher being of choice is and must always be the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I mean, his symbol is on my car. I am forever connected to His Noodley Appendages. rAmen.

    (Cthulhu is pretty cool, too, but my sunny nature is more drawn to His Pasatfarian Glory, for He is everywhere.)

  34. @Jubal- This sounds a lot like my situation when I was younger. I was raised religious, and was one of the bad ones you describe. I have since reformed.

    @Carol- See, that's why I can't follow FSM. It's TOO happy and nice. I need a deity with hunger and a temper.

  35. @Anonymous - since Jim hasn't spanked you, allow me to do so.

    First, you're ignorant. Really, using "U" instead of "You?" And the sentence construction leaves a bit to be desired as well. I'm surprised you didn't try to make those sentences actual bullet points. Maybe your comment would have worked better as a PowerPoint presentation.

    Second, you're a moral coward. If you disagree with Jim, the least you can do is be a man (or woman) about it and stand up and be counted. Or don't you really have the courage of your convictions?

    Third, if you really think this blog is sick and evil, then honestly, you need to get out more. There are plenty of sites out there devoted to hatred, bigotry, and all manner of disgusting things. If you'd like somewhere to start, I'd recommend Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church sites.

    Finally, you and your ilk (ilk - as an idiom, of the same class or kind) are the Pharisees of today. Quite honestly, you're the kind about whom Jesus said "It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck."

  36. Vince, anonymous's comment is pretty typical of the email this post has generated. Most of which looks like it was penned by medicated teenagers. It amuses me.

    However, the following comment appeared under a reprint of this post, here:

    This sounds like a sad confused angry person to me, who for sure has had bad experiences with Christianity in his life..Maybe he should worry more about what "JESUS" say's and not base his opinion on what people on this earth have to say or do...

    The commenter wonders what type of Christians I've encountered that gives me the attitude I have? Her. Christians EXACTLY like her. If I don't believe as she does, I must be "sad confused angry." This more than anything is what pisses me off about a lot of born again types, they demand respect for their beliefs, but show nothing but smug self-righteous contempt for everybody else. This is the type of person I was talking about in the first paragraphs of this post. I find zealots incredibly offense and that I tend to respond to with full frontal hostility.

  37. Whatever this religious stuff means, I came here looking to power my Lexis with a cold fusion powered chainsaw. Man google searches suck!

  38. that would have to be one weak ass chainsaw, Beastly. Be like cutting blanks with a butter knife.

  39. An Islamic group in Temecula, CA, resident there for over a decade, has finally gotten the money together to build their permanent mosque. Leading the charge against it- a local Baptist church. http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-mosque-20100718,0,2447625.story

  40. Pam, I used to live in Fallbrook, just south of Temecula - and frankly, given the atmosphere there, I'm surprised the good Christian Conservatives don't just shoot the Muslims down in the street, along with the Latinos, in good old fashioned Western tradition.

    "The Islamic foothold is not strong here, and we really don't want to see their influence spread," said Pastor Bill Rench.

    Yep, that sounds just exactly like the Baptist Church I remember. We believe in religious freedom - i.e. you're free to attend our church and believe as we do.

  41. I realize that last comment sounds pretty strong.

    Read the comments from Christians under the story Pamela linked to, you'll understand my ire.

  42. @Carol- See, that's why I can't follow FSM. It's TOO happy and nice. I need a deity with hunger and a temper.

    I completely understand, Ryan, but I'm so fucking sunny it's almost sickening. So the FSM for me it is.

  43. U will die FACT!
    U will stand before GOD and be judged FACT!
    Then you will go to HELL FACT!
    U wont be laughing then FACT!

    This blog should be illegal because it is sick and evil FACT!

    Dammit, Prince! Michelle and I went to so much trouble to try to convince everybody you were awesome and then you went on this whole "Internet is so over" kick. Well, making this blog illegal won't make the Internet less where-it's at or revitalize newspapers as a distribution medium. (Giving out free copies of your latest with a newspaper? Again? Really? Aw, dude.)

    U need Wendy & Lisa back more than ever FACT.

  44. I'm going to have a T-shirt made that says:

    Stonekettle Station: this blog should be made illegal because it is sick and evil!

    It even ryhmes.

  45. Nick from the O.C.July 19, 2010 at 5:19 PM

    Forget the comments, I liked this bit from the LA Times article Pamela linked to --

    Karen Fesini, who belongs to a Republican women's group in the Temecula and Murrieta area, said she's been making calls to warn her friends about the project.

    "They say they're not radicals, but how do we know?"' said Fesini, 68.

    "Right now we're at war with the Taliban and the Muslims and our boys are over there fighting and dying for our freedom. What would it be like if they come home and found out we just let them in the front door?"

    See, it's patriotic to fight Islam. Because our boys are over there fighting the Muslims. (Not the girls, mind you, who are home sewing and baking.) (And never mind the role of the non-Taliban Muslim government.)

    The stupid, it burns.

  46. I may have been misled but I thought everyone worshipped the FSM because they liked dressing up like pirates? Maybe some of your church members could enlighten me.

  47. "It's about attention." I see this all of the time. I have a chronic health condition that I will have to deal with the rest of my life. I don't want to dwell on it or talk about it. I have good days and bad days. But I work with a women who always is asking about it. "Do you still have pain?" "Is it better today?" (Yes, I still the fuck have pain! GO away!) Whatever I answer, even if I don't answer at all, it is followed by "You know I pray for you." If my response is in any way positive, I get "I prayed that your pain would be less!" What really drives me nuts, is that it is all about her - she never says God lessened my pain, it's her praying that did it. I have never figured out how the all powerful, all knowing God requires a bunch of whining, nagging people to have him accomplish anything. Is God absent minded? Does he need reminding? Or does he keep count, and his decisions of who gets help are based on the number of prayers he gets? I would just tell this woman to fuck off, but them I would probably be written up. So, like the Osprey flying with a fish who sees a Bald Eagle, I just duck my head and try to get by her as fast as possible.


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