Outrageous Nonsense

For all you praying that Sarah Palin will be President of the United States in 2012, I have a suggestion for your campaign slogan:

I’m with Stupid

___________

Sarah Palin

2012

Catchy, huh?

 

Jesus Hot Spicy Habanero Christ in a stone ground taco shell, every single time this woman opens her mouth the stupid just falls out like a drunken prom queen vomiting up cheap boxed wine all over her homecoming date.

Pin a corsage on her, she’s done now.

 

She bitched and complained and pointed fingers at John McCain’s campaign staff, accusing them of hobbling her, not letting her speak, of “handling” her in the manner that all politicians are managed by their staff – you know, so they don’t say something stupid. 

She has repeatedly accused them of not letting the public see the real Sarah Palin. 

In retrospect, it’s obvious that in this single matter she is actually correct, John McCain’s campaign staff did not let us see the real Sarah Palin. 

For painfully obvious reasons.

Look, I’d like nothing better than to let her fade away into the annuals of history, gone, forgotten, adios and don’t let the door hit you in your Gucci clad keister. By all means go write your little pop-up book or go back to fishing or whatever.  As an American, I’m so utterly sick of this woman.  As an Alaskan, I am so utterly sick of being embarrassed by this woman.  Mentioning her name out loud or in print ought to be like the Swearing Jar, every time you say the words Sarah Palin you’ve got to put a fin in the pot.  But she just won’t go away.  And now that she doesn’t have a staff or a publicist between her and the unprotected public, you are seeing the real Sarah Palin.

And it ain’t pretty.

On her Facebook page – because apparently Facebook is what she meant when she resigned her Governorship “to serve the nation” – she called for civil discourse on national healthcare.  She said “there are many disturbing things in the bill, but that people need to stick to the discussion of the issues,” and not “get sidetracked by tactics that can be accused of leading to intimidation or harassment.” She also boldly demonstrated her leadership skills by admonishing the public “not to give proponents of nationalized health care any reason to criticize us.”

The day before, of course, she called healthcare plan currently before Congress “down right evil,” and wrote about “death panels” – a concept she had apparently just pulled whole cloth directly from her ass.  Seriously shit like “death panels” had to have come spewing from her colon like watery diarrhea, because it sure as hell didn’t come from anything resembling a cognitive organ. In an obvious attempt to stir hysteria and conjure up images of Nazi style eugenics she claimed that in President Obama’s version of healthcare, her son, Trig, who has has Down’s syndrome, would “have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel’ so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their ‘level of productivity in society,’ whether they are worthy of health care.”

What the fuck? No, really what the fuck?

There is only one word to describe this statement and that’s outrageous. It is nothing but outrageous nonsense. Fear mongering and rabble rousing at its absolute worst. And since Palin brought up the Nazi reference, I call Shenanigans on Godwin’s law here and say that if anyone is pulling Nazis out of her ass it’s Palin and her hysterical propaganda and her pandering to the lowest common denominator. 

Let’s review yet again, shall we?

From Title II, Subtitle C:

(hhh)(1) Subject to paragraphs (3) and (4), the term `advance care planning consultation' means a consultation between the individual and a practitioner described in paragraph (2) regarding advance care planning, if, subject to paragraph (3), the individual involved has not had such a consultation within the last 5 years. Such consultation shall include the following:

`(A) An explanation by the practitioner of advance care planning, including key questions and considerations, important steps, and suggested people to talk to.

`(B) An explanation by the practitioner of advance directives, including living wills and durable powers of attorney, and their uses.

`(C) An explanation by the practitioner of the role and responsibilities of a health care proxy.

`(D) The provision by the practitioner of a list of national and State-specific resources to assist consumers and their families with advance care planning, including the national toll-free hotline, the advance care planning clearinghouses, and State legal service organizations (including those funded through the Older Americans Act of 1965).

`(E) An explanation by the practitioner of the continuum of end-of-life services and supports available, including palliative care and hospice, and benefits for such services and supports that are available under this title.

`(F)(i) Subject to clause (ii), an explanation of orders regarding life sustaining treatment or similar orders, which shall include--

`(I) the reasons why the development of such an order is beneficial to the individual and the individual's family and the reasons why such an order should be updated periodically as the health of the individual changes;

`(II) the information needed for an individual or legal surrogate to make informed decisions regarding the completion of such an order; and

`(III) the identification of resources that an individual may use to determine the requirements of the State in which such individual resides so that the treatment wishes of that individual will be carried out if the individual is unable to communicate those wishes, including requirements regarding the designation of a surrogate decisionmaker (also known as a health care proxy).

`(ii) The Secretary shall limit the requirement for explanations under clause (i) to consultations furnished in a State--

`(I) in which all legal barriers have been addressed for enabling orders for life sustaining treatment to constitute a set of medical orders respected across all care settings; and

`(II) that has in effect a program for orders for life sustaining treatment described in clause (iii).

`(iii) A program for orders for life sustaining treatment for a States described in this clause is a program that--

`(I) ensures such orders are standardized and uniquely identifiable throughout the State;

`(II) distributes or makes accessible such orders to physicians and other health professionals that (acting within the scope of the professional's authority under State law) may sign orders for life sustaining treatment;

`(III) provides training for health care professionals across the continuum of care about the goals and use of orders for life sustaining treatment; and

`(IV) is guided by a coalition of stakeholders includes representatives from emergency medical services, emergency department physicians or nurses, state long-term care association, state medical association, state surveyors, agency responsible for senior services, state department of health, state hospital association, home health association, state bar association, and state hospice association.

`(2) A practitioner described in this paragraph is--

`(A) a physician (as defined in subsection (r)(1)); and

`(B) a nurse practitioner or physician's assistant who has the authority under State law to sign orders for life sustaining treatments.

`(3)(A) An initial preventive physical examination under subsection (WW), including any related discussion during such examination, shall not be considered an advance care planning consultation for purposes of applying the 5-year limitation under paragraph (1).

`(B) An advance care planning consultation with respect to an individual may be conducted more frequently than provided under paragraph (1) if there is a significant change in the health condition of the individual, including diagnosis of a chronic, progressive, life-limiting disease, a life-threatening or terminal diagnosis or life-threatening injury, or upon admission to a skilled nursing facility, a long-term care facility (as defined by the Secretary), or a hospice program.

`(4) A consultation under this subsection may include the formulation of an order regarding life sustaining treatment or a similar order.

`(5)(A) For purposes of this section, the term `order regarding life sustaining treatment' means, with respect to an individual, an actionable medical order relating to the treatment of that individual that--

`(i) is signed and dated by a physician (as defined in subsection (r)(1)) or another health care professional (as specified by the Secretary and who is acting within the scope of the professional's authority under State law in signing such an order, including a nurse practitioner or physician assistant) and is in a form that permits it to stay with the individual and be followed by health care professionals and providers across the continuum of care;

`(ii) effectively communicates the individual's preferences regarding life sustaining treatment, including an indication of the treatment and care desired by the individual;

`(iii) is uniquely identifiable and standardized within a given locality, region, or State (as identified by the Secretary); and

`(iv) may incorporate any advance directive (as defined in section 1866(f)(3)) if executed by the individual.

`(B) The level of treatment indicated under subparagraph (A)(ii) may range from an indication for full treatment to an indication to limit some or all or specified interventions. Such indicated levels of treatment may include indications respecting, among other items--

`(i) the intensity of medical intervention if the patient is pulse less, apneic, or has serious cardiac or pulmonary problems;

`(ii) the individual's desire regarding transfer to a hospital or remaining at the current care setting;

`(iii) the use of antibiotics; and

`(iv) the use of artificially administered nutrition and hydration.'.

(2) PAYMENT- Section 1848(j)(3) of such Act (42 U.S.C. 1395w-4(j)(3)) is amended by inserting `(2)(FF),' after `(2)(EE),'.

(3) FREQUENCY LIMITATION- Section 1862(a) of such Act (42 U.S.C. 1395y(a)) is amended--

(A) in paragraph (1)--

(i) in subparagraph (N), by striking `and' at the end;

(ii) in subparagraph (O) by striking the semicolon at the end and inserting `, and'; and

(iii) by adding at the end the following new subparagraph:

`(P) in the case of advance care planning consultations (as defined in section 1861(hhh)(1)), which are performed more frequently than is covered under such section;'; and

(B) in paragraph (7), by striking `or (K)' and inserting `(K), or (P)'.

(4) EFFECTIVE DATE- The amendments made by this subsection shall apply to consultations furnished on or after January 1, 2011.

(b) Expansion of Physician Quality Reporting Initiative for End of Life Care-

(1) Physician'S QUALITY REPORTING INITIATIVE- Section 1848(k)(2) of the Social Security Act (42 U.S.C. 1395w-4(k)(2)) is amended by adding at the end the following new paragraphs:

`(3) Physician'S QUALITY REPORTING INITIATIVE-

`(A) IN GENERAL- For purposes of reporting data on quality measures for covered professional services furnished during 2011 and any subsequent year, to the extent that measures are available, the Secretary shall include quality measures on end of life care and advanced care planning that have been adopted or endorsed by a consensus-based organization, if appropriate. Such measures shall measure both the creation of and adherence to orders for life-sustaining treatment.

`(B) PROPOSED SET OF MEASURES- The Secretary shall publish in the Federal Register proposed quality measures on end of life care and advanced care planning that the Secretary determines are described in subparagraph (A) and would be appropriate for eligible professionals to use to submit data to the Secretary. The Secretary shall provide for a period of public comment on such set of measures before finalizing such proposed measures.'.

(c) Inclusion of Information in Medicare & You Handbook-

(1) MEDICARE & YOU HANDBOOK-

(A) IN GENERAL- Not later than 1 year after the date of the enactment of this Act, the Secretary of Health and Human Services shall update the online version of the Medicare & You Handbook to include the following:

(i) An explanation of advance care planning and advance directives, including--

(I) living wills;

(II) durable power of attorney;

(III) orders of life-sustaining treatment; and

(IV) health care proxies.

(ii) A description of Federal and State resources available to assist individuals and their families with advance care planning and advance directives, including--

(I) available State legal service organizations to assist individuals with advance care planning, including those organizations that receive funding pursuant to the Older Americans Act of 1965 (42 U.S.C. 93001 et seq.);

(II) website links or addresses for State-specific advance directive forms; and

(III) any additional information, as determined by the Secretary.

(B) UPDATE OF PAPER AND SUBSEQUENT VERSIONS- The Secretary shall include the information described in subparagraph (A) in all paper and electronic versions of the Medicare & You Handbook that are published on or after the date that is 1 year after the date of the enactment of this Act.

Note the bolded phrases. Note in particular that this section of the act - the section that Palin and her idiot supporters claim equates to government directed euthanasia for seniors and handicapped kids – actually says that end of life care is entirely the decision of the patient. The patient. The Patient. The Patient. (Sorry, but it obviously needs repeating).  In fact, the patient’s express wishes are emphasized no less than five times in three paragraphs.  The consultations are between the patient and the patient’s doctor – not the state, not the Fed, and not some fantasy “death panel.” Between the patient and doctor, as is clearly spelled out.  And the consultation is not required, the patient may refuse, and the consultations may not violate state regulations (i.e. the rights of each state, as defined by its citizens, take precedence. You know, like the Constitution says).   However, should the patient desire information on his or her options when nearing the end of life – not only must the doctor provide such information, the patient may bill his or her insurance for the consultation (The reason for the insurance companies’ opposition should be obvious at this point).

Note, federal law currently requires doctors to provide such information upon request. Yes, the provisions in HR3500 aren’t new, they already exist and have for some time.  The difference is that currently, the patient usually has to pay out of pocket for the consultation because neither the insurance companies nor Medicare are required pay for it. HR3500 would require that the patient be given full information on all available options no matter what his insurance company wants – including full life sustaining measures as specified in paragraphs 4 and 5.  

Go back, read it again, tell me where it says anything about standing before a government panel and bargaining for your life. Go on, I’ll wait.  Instead what it actually says is that you, the patient, get to decide how your life will end – and that right there, is the real reason behind the lies and the hysteria and the Nazi propaganda. Because if there’s one thing the Neocon religious goons don’t want you to have, it’s a choice.  They haven’t trundled out Terry Schiavo yet, but they are sure thinking about her.

Note also that nowhere in the entire bill, and I’ve read every single word of it including the changes that were made today, does it say anything about whatsoever in any way, shape, or form about governmental panels deciding the suitability any person, handicapped or not, based on a subjective judgment of their ‘level of productivity in society’ and whether they are worthy of health care. No where. No damned where does it say that.  

Palin has repeatedly accused the media and her opponents of using her children as tokens in the game of politics – and here she is, deliberately holding up her Down Syndrome son in order install fear and hysteria and images of Nazi atrocities solely in order further her political ambitions. You can’t accuse the media of doing it to her this time, she wrote it in her own hand.  If you’ve got a Facebook account, you can go read it for yourself.

Outrageous I said, and outrageous I meant. The woman’s actions and naked ambition are disgusting at a level that simply defies comprehension.

I mean, you’ve got to be kidding me, right?  We’ve just had eight damned years where the smartest thing in the Oval Office pissed on three legs and wore a collar with “Barney” printed on it, but, my God, George W. Bush is a rocket scientist compared to this bush league bimbo and people actually want her for President?

She called for national discourse.  No shit lady, what the hell do you think we’ve been doing? What the hell do you think the President has been talking about to Americans since before he took office? What have our elected representatives - of which you by your own choice are emphatically not - been busting their asses over for the last six months?  And every time the actual representatives of the people (you know, the ones who didn’t quit) attempt to speak to the American public about it – your mouth breathing followers leap up and start shouting about fucking birth certificates. 

For nearly two years now this woman has screamed hysterical nonsense. She’s still doing it.  She’s done everything but spit in the President’s eye.  She done everything, everything, she can to demonize those who don’t agree with her. She’s called more than half of the citizens the country un-American – people like me who fought for this nation for over twenty years.  She’s accused the President of being a traitor, she’s fanned the flames of hate and fear and ignorance and she’s still doing it with her talk of “death panels.” She has deliberately spewed falsehoods – provably so, all one has to do is actually read the bill which is freely available to the public and which she obviously has not done – in order to inflame the people and deliberately quash rational discussion.  Hell, she basically told senior citizens that their President is going to kill them.

But now she’s calling for civil public discussion?

Seriously, Lady, hypocrite much?

 

 

 

 

 

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I know I said I was going to talk about blasting insurance executives into outer space today, but then I read Palin’s bullshit.  The insurance executive space program is holding at T-24.

I’m Feeling Much Better Really

The American Healthcare System is an abomination.

It ought to come with a Surgeon General’s warning:

Caution, the American Healthcare System is so completely fucked up that attempting to use it will result in massive hypertension, stroke, burst blood vessels in your eyes, swearing, depression, drinking, recreational self medication, the throwing of objects and the kicking of small dogs, thoughts of suicide, and the possible commission of serial murder from a rooftop with a high powered sniper rifle. These symptoms are over and above whatever the hell ailed you in the first place. Really, don’t get sick. Ever.

As you know, I spent the majority of my life in the military. As such I never needed to deal with health insurance. If I got sick or injured or otherwise required medical care, I went to the base clinic or the ship’s doctor and it got taken care of. No muss, no fuss, no worries, no bullshit, no paperwork, no deductibles.  You go to the clinic, you say, “Hi, I’m sick,” and they point you at some kind of medical professional.

Now that I’m a civilian I get to deal with civilian health care. Yay me.

I mean, seriously here, I’m covered medically about as well as you can be without actually owning your own hospital.  I’ve got full military retiree coverage, I’ve got full and extensive veteran’s benefits (think military retiree and veteran are the same thing? Think again, two totally separate things, two totally separate systems). I’m covered by my wife’s extensive insurance.  AND I’m staring a civil service job with full benefits today.  So, you know, I thought this would be a good thing. I thought I’d get choices.  I thought it would be better.

I was mistaken, try to contain your smug looks.

Oh, don’t get me wrong here.  I do get choices.  I’ve got insurance coming out the wahzoo – hell, my wahzoo is covered about five different ways providing I get prior authorization to see a wahzoo specialist if I feel that my wahzoo is in need of medical attention. There’s nothing wrong with the medical care, the medical care is fine – it’s all the other bullshit you have to go through to get to the doctors in the first place.

It’s the health insurance process that is the problem. It’s the fact the 90% of the people who have anything to do whatsoever with your healthcare aren’t, actually, medical people – they are healthcare administrators.  I mean, sure, why shouldn’t the surly little dipshit with the two year accounting degree from the local junior college decide which medical procedure is right for me, instead of say the guy who is actually a fucking doctor? Really, why shouldn’t some random minimum wage office drone second guess the doctor with decades of medical experience and expertise and decide to change my prescription to something else? I mean according to Jenny McCarthy basically anybody can be an expert on pharmacology, right?

The efficiency of any organization is measured in the ratio of people who work to the people who administer.  Those who can, do. Those who can’t, end up in administration. When the percentage of administers in an organization passes .05% – the organization begins to resemble a dog with heartworms (and the dog has a better chance of seeing a real doctor than you do).   The human race has produced a lot of worthless shit over the centuries, but the evolution of the professional administrator as got to be pretty damned close to the single most ridiculous idea we’ve ever had (the most ridiculous is, of course, the professional religious leader, followed closely, literally and figuratively, by the professional politician). These people are parasites.  I’m fairly sure the professional administrator has killed more people than all the nuclear bombs ever built, used, or contemplated – yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying, the professional administrator is more dangerous than weapons of mass destruction and is far more likely to bring about our extinction as a species than anything dreamed up in secret government weapons laboratories.

We don’t need to overhaul health care, we need to seriously overhaul health insurance and healthcare administration.  I think we should start by randomly shooting insurance executives into outer space (and more on that particular idea tomorrow), but I’d settle for busting a few kneecaps with metal pipes.  I wonder what Tanya Harding is doing these days besides B-porn boxing and Celebrity Squares?  Maybe she’d like a job, frankly the woman scares the shit out of me and I’m sure she’d put the fear of God into a few healthcare executives.

It doesn’t surprise me at all that it is the insurance companies and the hospital administrators who are fighting healthcare reform tooth and nail, they’ve made a multi-billion dollar industry out of making sure you don’t get access to the doctors or the drugs in the first place. They don’t want the process of healthcare simplified. Why in the hell would they want to see a public option national health care system that guarantees access?  If anybody can get access to healthcare when they need it, most of these people would be out of a job pretty damned quick.  It’s like politicians voting for actual enforcement of the ethics laws or Pauly Shore campaigning for intelligence in acting.  Simplified universal access to health care is contrary to everything the Healthcare Industry stands for. 

Seriously, healthcare in this country is like some kind of sick joke (ba dum bump). Trying to understand the so-called process is like listening to one of those old Monty Python sketches with John Cleese as some tight assed functionary explaining the arcane workings of a ridiculously made up bureaucracy to a confused and bleeding Eric Idle.

Idle: Ahh excuse me.

Cleese: Uh hmmmm, just a minute.

Idle: Don’t mean to be a bother, but I’m bleeding rather profusely ‘ere.

Cleese: I said, just a moment if you please.

Idle: Now I’m getting dizzy. Mother dear, is that you?

Cleese: Oh for pity sake, what is it?

Idle: I think I might ‘ave nicked an artery.

Cleese: Well, let’s just take a look at it then, shall we?  Oh, that doesn’t look good at all. I rather think you might die.

Idle: Whot?

Cleese: Yes, I’m afraid we can’t help you. You’re a goner. You’ll be pushing up daisies as they say in no time.

Idle: But isn’t this a doctor’s office?!

Cleese: Hmmm, so it is. And we prefer the term “Health Care Provider,” or “The Insurance Providers Who Say Nee!”

Idle: Nee?

Cleese: It means “no.”

Idle: And what are you? 

Cleese: I’m the “Health Care Denier.”

Idle: Oh, isn’t that clever.  Look, me life’s leakin outta me veins here! Shouldn’t I see the doctor then?

Cleese: Well, one doesn’t just waltz in off the street and go right to see the doctor. There are forms to fill out, procedures to be taken care of. You haven’t even stood in line yet.

Idle: But I’m bleedin’!

Cleese: Yes, so you say. First things first.  Do you have any insurance?

Idle: Yes! Gobs of it!

Cleese: Well, perhaps you’ll live after all.  Now let’s see…yes, I’ll need to see two forms of identification, one with a picture of your mother on it, and one from a one legged Asian man named Steve. I’ll need need a sample of your pet’s DNA.  Your insurance card and proof of continuous enrollment in the specified plan for a minimum of three years without a claim. We’ll need proof that this so-called bleeding isn’t a pre-existing condition.  You’ll need to designate a primary, secondary, and tertiary insurance provider. We’ll need three photocopies, all of which must be certified and attested by a small man named…Tim, who lives upon the highest peak of the Andes. Climb the mountain, don’t forget you galoshes.

Idle: Do you think I’m daft?

Cleese: I should think that would be obvious.

Idle: I just need a couple of stitches!

Cleese: Stitches? Don’t you think you should let some faceless bureaucrat in a tall office building in another state decide that?

Idle: I’ll settle for a wad of gauze and a roll of duct tape!

Cleese: I’m afraid that’s not part of your summary of benefits. However, we can provide a tourniquet and a very nice pine box - if you have prior authorization from your insurance carrier.

Idle: Whot?

Cleese: Well, it is an unusual procedure.

Idle: Stopping the bleeding is unusual?

Cleese: Around here it certainly is.

Idle: Say, maybe I’ll just pop over to Canada and have this looked at, eh?

Cleese: Well you can’t leave now.

Idle: I’m feeling much better, really.

Cleese: No you’re not, you’re not fooling anyone.

 

It’d be funny, if it wasn’t, you know, a matter of life and death.

Tomorrow we’ll take a serious look at health care reform. 

Overheard At The Diner

Yesterday we were having lunch at a diner in Anchorage.

In the booth directly behind me were four tourists.

Two older couples, obviously up from the lower 48.

They were talking loudly, excited to be in Anchorage.  They were discussing the pictures on the walls of the diner and the view out the window.

Then one of the women said, “I heard Sarah Palin called Obama’s Healthcare Plan ‘evil.’”

They all agreed that Palin obviously was some type of authority on the subject. 

Then the same woman continued, “She said that the plan will require that you get counseling when you get to be our age.  Say if you get terminal cancer, you have to get mandatory counseling on going into a hospice and ending your life so you’re not a burden on society.”

They all agreed that the Plan is indeed evil.

(You may at this point, visualize me banging my head on the table)

A couple of minutes later, one of the men says, “Look at that picture, the caption says that it was the original diner and this one here is where they moved after the big earthquake.”

Other woman, “Earthquake? What earthquake?”

Man, “I dunno.  Are there earthquakes here?”

Other Man, “That picture looks like it was taken in the 30’s. Did they have a big earthquake here in the 30’s?”

And the conversation continues in this vein for a while with the group finally deciding that there must have been some kind of earthquake in the 30’s or 40’s but Alaska obviously doesn’t have earthquakes anymore.

(You may at this point, continue to visualize me banging my head on the table)

 

 

There are days I wonder how the Republic survives, I really do.

When these idiots are the ones doing the voting, I really wonder sometimes if democracy is all it’s cracked up to be.

Euthanasia? Really? I mean really? 

Sarah Palin says that Obama is going to demand that old people kill themselves instead getting treatment and you buy into this crap?  Palin, you’re actually listening to Palin? Because she’s been such a font of wisdom so far, right?  It doesn’t occur to you to actually read the bill? No, fuck it, Sarah read it, she knows.  Her and Jenny McCarthy and Betsy McCaughey.  Then there’s the whole “Obama’s Bill” part. You know, the part where the President makes all the laws and such.  These people had to be in their 60’s, somebody explain to me how they could have lived six goddamned decades in the United States of America and not have any clue whatsoever of how their own fucking government works? How is that possible?  I mean, we make immigrants learn the differences between the Legislative, Executive, and Judicial branches of the government.  You’re supposed to lean about it in school.  Hell, they used to have a song about how a bill becomes a law on School House Rock for Christ’s sake. But apparently in these people’s mind TEH ZOMG EVIL OBAMA creates the laws and grinds up old people for Soylent Green or something. Argh!

And just for the record, the 1964 Good Friday Quake in Anchorage, Alaska was the largest earthquake ever experienced on the North American continent, the second largest ever recorded in the world by modern instruments. It’s one of the most famous earthquakes ever recorded.  How in the fuck could you be 60 years old and live in America and never have heard of it? It was one of the biggest disasters of the decade. And how could you possibly not know that Alaska is tectonically active, the whole west coast of the North American continent is? And in fact is one of the most tectonically active places in the world?  Especially how could you not know this if you’re planning a trip there?  How in the hell could anybody possibly be this ignorant?

Both parts of this conversation show a pattern of faulty thinking, of conclusions and worldviews based on false information.  What is so damned sad is that accurate information is readily available, but it did not occur to even one of these four people to seek it out.  Not one of them said, “Euthanasia? That sounds wrong. Perhaps we should read the actual bill before forming our opinion of its inherently evilness.”  Not one of them said, “Geez, perhaps we should read a bit about Alaska before we visit it.”

 

But yeah, get out there and vote.

Today's Search Phrase

"How Do I Find a Bookie on Craigslist."

Because, you know, that's how you find a bookie. On Craigslist.

Well, that or the yellow pages.

Something tells me this guy is going to be poor soon.

Well, It Must Be Friday (updated and updated again)

You know what would be really great?

If my neighbors decided to have their roof re-shingled.

Yeah, that would be great, especially if the roofing crew showed up at, say, oh, 6:30 in the AM and started running power tools, generators, compressors, and a great big giant fucking forklift.

Yeah, that would be really, really great.

The pounding from the nail guns, that’s a nice touch too.

____________________________________________________

[update]

You know what would make it even better?

If the guys who just showed up to help brought a big damn CD player.

And they liked speed metal.

Yeah, that would be really great.

____________________________________________________

[update X2]

They didn't finish.

They got all the old shingles ripped off.

They got two rows of the new shingles put on.

They were working hard.

Then they stopped for a ... break.

I detected the faint pungent smell of burning rope wafting through the trees between my house and the neighbor's. If you know what I mean. It's Alaska, a oregano break is not exactly illegal, or uncommon - providing you're not trying to sell a bag of MatSu Growlight Gold to the local children.

After the ... break, they were a whole lot less, um, focused. Their work had a certain randomness mellowness to it. The sky seemed brighter and more interesting, the clouds were groovy. I put on some Jefferson Airplane, just to be helpful - they really seemed to enjoy White Rabbit.

About 6PM they sort of covered the rest of the roof in a couple of strips of tar paper - then they left. Presumably to go buy some chips, beef jerky, and some ding-dongs.

They did not come back.

Around 7PM I saw my neighbor outside staring at her roof and yelling into a cell phone. I assume she was complimenting the roofing company on the quality of their work.

About midnight, it started to rain.

It's still raining. Forecast for tomorrow? Rain.

Don't see the workers anywhere this morning.

I suppose I should go offer my neighbor a bucket or two or three.

Things That Chap My Ass About Driving in Alaska, Part 1

I’ve had to drive back and forth to Anchorage these last few days.

I live about 60 miles from the city and I normally enjoy the drive.

Now there’s only one way to get from where I live here in rural Alaska, outside of the little town of Palmer, to Anchorage, and that’s the Glenn Highway - well, to be completely honest you could swim down the Knik Arm or fly, I suppose. Driving wise however, it’s the Glenn or nothing.

Here in Alaska we have three seasons, not four like you people down south in the lower 48 or twenty-eleventeen metric seasons like they have in Canada and places where Soccer is the national sport.   First there’s Winter (note the capital “W”), followed by breakup which is the season of brown and mud and muck and glop and rain between the cold part of the year and the other part (this is also the season where we find all the bodies that pile up during the winter).  Then there’s construction – or what you people call summer.  Construction is sort of like summer, only louder and colder and with a lot more rain and time off for fishing.  We don’t have fall, one day it’s sunny and cool, the next day your driveway is three feet deep in fluffy solid water. That’s why our lawn mowers come equipped with four wheel drive, cup warmers, and plows.

We’re at the height of construction right now.

Now the last couple of years we haven’t had much in the way of construction – mostly the last couple of years we’ve just had one long Breakup, then Floop! Winter again.  Oh, sure, the snow went away and the leaves turned green and the mosquitoes came out and it sort of looked like construction – but it wasn’t.  See, for it to be construction – well, we would have had to have somebody at the helm who was actually, you know, running the state.  That person apparently had other, more important, shit to do.  So, for the last two years basically nothing has gotten done around here – especially the road work.

Alaska is notoriously hard on roads. 

In the winter the moisture in the ground freezes. No, pay attention, it freezes. Like 40 below (that’s like negative a billion for you Canadians). Water is unique in its chemistry.  Almost all other chemical compounds contract when they get cold. When they change state from liquid to solid they take up less volume. Not water. When water freezes it expands.  This means that when the water in the ground freezes it makes the ground get bigger.  Sometimes it gets so big it explodes with tremendous force. We refer to this quaint phenomenon as a frost heave.  When frost heaves happen under a road, well, they’re like magic speed bumps.  Suddenly a big chunk of the road just buckles up in front of you and blamo! you get to see how the towing rider on your insurance policy works.  I’ve seen fifty pound slabs (that’s like a million kilos for you Canucks) of asphalt thrown hood high.  Now, couple that with studded snow tires and tandem semi-trailer rigs and you get pot holes that would qualify as national monuments in other parts of the country (it also explains why no vehicle in Alaska has an unbroken windshield).  Even without the frost heaves, studded snow tires tear up the roads. For those of you from warmer climates, studded snow tires have little metal cleats embedded in the treads to increase traction on ice, most places they are illegal because they damage the roads so badly. But not here in Alaska, here studded snow tires are like polar fleece – we put them on in October and don’t take them off until we see the first mosquito of construction season. Those studs wear down the road surface pretty fast and the major thoroughfares and highways end up being like inside out railroad tracks.  By the time breakup rolls around, the roads look exactly like those grooves left in the stone by Conestoga wagon trains as they headed west to California:

Driving on this crap is a lot like driving one those kiddie racing cars at Disneyland, the ones that follow the metal track around and around.  You can twist the wheel any damned direction you like, but your tires fall into the grooves and in Alaska the road drives you, not the other way around – if you get my drift here. 

So, as I said, the road deteriorates pretty damned fast around here. Road maintenance during construction is an ongoing process. Slack off for a season, and things go to hell pretty damned fast indeed. Slack off for two seasons in a row and you have ruble that vaguely resembles the German Autobahn around the end of 1945 after three solid years of unrelenting Allied saturation bombing.

Nobody has done any maintenance on the Glenn Highway in going on three years.  It had gotten to the point where you could see dirt at the bottom of the studded tire grooves, there were days where I looked into the gapping canyons and expected to see Chinese people staring back from the other side of the planet.  We didn’t have a highway, we had lanes consisting of three disconnected parallel strips of buckled blacktop.  Driving on it was a white knuckled adventure in courage. Driving a motorcycle on it was bald faced insanity. 

Now, mix in a couple hundred thousand tourists in motor homes the size of the Queen Mary. Add ice, snow, whiteout conditions, large wildlife, some gomer in a rattletrap jalopy doing about 35 in the fast lane, horribly bad don’t give a shit Alaskan drivers on cell phones, snow plows, and a partridge in a pear tree (or in our case a bald eagle which the tourists have stopped in the middle of the highway to gawp at) – and, yeah, really you want to thoroughly empty your bowels before setting out for work in the morning.

People were understandable dismayed by this turn of events.

They complained loudly.

Only to be told that the state lacked the funds to fix the situation.

Accordingly, our Governor in a display of simply stunning intellectual brinkmanship and political posturing, turned down Federal stimulus money specifically designated to fix the fucking roads and, you know, employ people. Boy, screwing over the residents of your state, that sure taught President Obama a lessen, didn’t it? Stupid Liberals, take that! Watch me kick my constituents in the nuts again. That’ll learn ya, you pinko socialist, you.

Yeah.

Anyway. Seems we managed to dredge up a new governor (the previous one having an $11M book deal to attend to. Apparently she’s writing a book, about ducks or something) and some funds and construction is upon us with a vengeance.  Outsiders gauge the intensity of their summers by temperature, Alaskans don’t really notice temperature – we determine the intensity of our non-snow season by the number and density of orange cones along our roads. This year, it’s a bumper crop. It’s like we’re being invaded by armies of strange pointy aliens from the planet ADOT. It’s a sea of orange as far as the eye can resolve.  Somewhere in China the People’s Number Two Heroic Orange Rubber Safety Cone Factory is working three shifts of peasant labor to death cranking out cones to feed the insatiable demand from the (north) West.  We're changing our state symbol from the Big Dipper to a silhouette of a big burly woman with a mustache and a Marlboro holding a “Slow” sign.

It’s one hundred and twenty miles round trip to Anchorage and back (or about 5000 CanuckOmeters) and every single inch of it is under construction. 

You notice things.

- Construction Zone Speed Limits Are Optional:

There are GIANT ORANGE SIGNS that that say in GIANT BLACK LETTERS: “Fines doubled in construction zone.”  There are other dire warnings. There are signs telling you what will happen should you hit a construction worker (or Empowered Road Maintenance Engineer or whatever we’re calling them).  The speed limits are reduced. We are not kidding.

Only one problem – compliance is on the honor system.

Nobody complies with the speed limits. And nobody is worried about the double secret extra jumbo sized fines either.

Nobody.

Attention Alaska State Police: Here’s a clue, there isn’t any point whatsoever of having laws to protect workers in construction zones, or posting signs, or even of having a damned speed limit, if you’re not going to enforce them. 

I’m tooling along doing the posted 55MPH (I know, but I’m all out of Canuckistan jokes, sorry) construction zone speed limit and people are blazing past me at 70, 80, and 90 miles an hour.  Zig zagging through the cones.  Giant double tandem ALCAN haulers are barreling along at 80, inches from workers, swerving on the rugged road surface.

Any cops?

Nope, not a one.

Wait, I’m wrong – there’s a state trooper. 

Up there, on the overpass, the Old Glenn Highway overpass – you know, the only section of the entire goddamned highway not actually under construction and without double fines and speed restrictions.  I mean sure, of course, that’s where he’s parked.   Good job, Trooper, no really. If you look up from your cell phone conversation for a minute, you can probably hear me banging my head on the steering wheel.

- Gravel needs to be softened up:

Whatever gravel is where the construction is at, isn’t the right kind of gravel. The right kind of gravel comes from as far away from the construction site as it is possible to get and still be actually in the state.

Watch.  There is a constant stream of enormous tandem semi tractors hauling gravel from one end of the construction zone to the other.  If construction is on the south end of the work zone, then the Laws of Construction dictate that the gravel must come from as far north as possible.  If the work is proceeding in the North end of the zone, then the Immutable Rules of Road Work dictate that the gravel will come from as far south as possible.  The same rules hold true for east/west-west/east construction zones as well. The bottom line is that if the gravel pit is next to the construction zone, then the gravel in that pit is completely unsuitable and cannot be used under any circumstance for the adjacent project. However, the gravel in that pit can be used for other more distant roads.  See, apparently, to be useful, gravel must be driven around for a while in heavy traffic by men with huge gray beards and dirty hats who don’t know what a turn signal is.

Also, it is very important that the gravel be moved only during morning and evening rush hours.  It is absolutely imperative that the gravel trucks are on the road no later than 5:30AM – that way they can be at the construction zone early enough for the drivers to get a cup of coffee and stand around for five or six hours until work actually starts at noon.

- You can only pave one lane per week:

But first what you need to do is run this big damned dinosaur of a contraption down the road. This thing eats asphalt and grinds off the top six or so inches of the road surface, leaving behind a jagged and grooved surface similar to the bottom of a bomb crater.  You only do this in one lane, leaving a six inch drop between the lanes. The ragged surface and the razor sharp cliff edge between lanes is specifically designed to shred the rubber off your tires – because, really, fuck you.  If people wouldn’t drive on the road, we wouldn’t have to fix it all of the time.  Now once you’ve got fifteen or twenty miles of this, you, uh, take a break.  For about two weeks.  You just pack up all of the workers (sorry, but that’s what they call them, workers) and the trucks and the paving machines and those orange water coolers and you just go jerk the hell off in Cancun or something.  You don’t level the other side of the road and you sure as hell don’t pave it.  You let it sit for a while.  This period is designed to make commuters think, “Hey, maybe the old shitty road wasn’t too bad after all” and “I wonder where all the road workers went?”  This period also adds an exciting air of mystery to the project. After about two or three or maybe four weeks, you pave it, BUT then you mark it off with more cones so nobody can drive on it – well, except for the construction workers. After a week or so you move the cones so people can only drive on half of it.  See, it’s fun to drive with one side of your car on smooth new pavement, and the other set of tires directly on top of the shoulder rumble strips, after about twenty miles of that you can actually feel your internal organs liquefying.  Once you’ve got one lane done, you take another month long break, then you grind the hell out of the other side – then you go back to the state and demand the contract be renegotiated before you’ll finish the job, because hey screwing the state is what we do. 

See you next summer, suckers.

- Traffic Cones are Heavy, it takes about nine people to move one:

There sure seems to be a hell of a lot of people in orange vests just standing around getting paid to stick their thumbs up their asses.

The other day, on the Palmer-Wasilla highway, I passed a huge coned off construction zone where they are adding yet another stop light and turn lane, because really, you just can’t have too many stop lights, can you?  If one is good, fifteen or twenty in a ten mile stretch must be better, right? Yeah, Road Planner: because the civil engineers who graduated last in their class need jobs too.  Anyway, in the middle of this construction zone, sitting on the pavement was a girl in an orange safety vest, painting yellow lines on the tarmac with, yes, a little paintbrush.  You know, because if you’re going to create bullshit makework jobs to suck at the public tit, you might as well just be blatantly obvious about it. Seriously, why would you use the big expensive automatic road painting machine parked over there on the shoulder?  I mean, hell, you’d be done in five minutes and then what would The 2nd Assistant Line Painter Non-supervising Senior Journeyman Drone do for the rest of the shift?

When it comes to these types of operations, my dad says that it takes nine people: two to come and two to go, two to shit and two to mow - and the foreman. 

That sounds about right.

 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go make an appointment to have my studded snow tires put back on. Winter’s coming.

Birthers: Why Stupid Should Be A Hanging Offense

 

This will be the third time I’ve written about Birthers in the last two weeks.

You’re sick of it, aren’t you?

I know I am.

Normally, when stupidity on this scale amuses me or offends me and I’ll write a snarky lampoon and move on.

But the Birthers are pissing me off. And they continue to piss me off.

And their deluded stupidity should be pissing you off too.

No, it’s not the money, though they are costing you gobs of money.  This irritates me, but it’s the cost of doing business in a free society (wince. Sorry, couldn’t resist the pun). Every president gets sued repeatedly by the wackjobs. The Crazy Conservatives do it. The Limpwristed Liberals do it.  The People that ought to be in an institution but are loose on the streets do it.  Hell, the inmates that are in institutions do it.  Frivolous lawsuits against the President can’t be prevented in our society, and they cost us money and assets and our attention – but there’s not much that can be done about it.  The Birthers’ legal shenanigans are no different – but frankly it does say something about you when your lawsuit is on the docket right next to the twitchy little goof who’s suing the President demanding that the government release the alien autopsy tapes from Area 51 and the mental midgets who are suing to stop the Large Hadron Collider before it spawns world destroying black holes. The Birthers’ de facto leader, Orly Taitz, melted down in shrill spectacular fashion on MSNBC yesterday (video here, in yesterday’s post) and it’s fairly obvious that the woman is a couple shots of potato vodka short of a Russian Nuclear Safety Officer.

Look to the company the Birthers are keeping is what I’m saying here.

But, no, it’s not the money.

 

It’s a Civil Rights issue.

 

See, this isn’t any pack of random dittoheads who are costing you a couple of bucks in tax dollars.  The alien hunters you can usually ignore and for the most part they’re harmless. The Anti-LHC folks, less so, but for the most part those idiots have little impact on the average American.

But the Birthers are different and far worse and it’s time for Americans to stand up and put an end to the Birther insanity.

These people are not harmless cranks.

Don’t get me wrong, they are cranks. But they are not harmless.

They call themselves Americans and patriots and concerned citizens, but what they really are is about as far from American as it gets. 

These people are not patriots, they are a skin cancer eating away at the face of liberty. They are a mob, the dupes of liars and rabble-rousers and snake oil salesman like Lou Dobbs and Glen Beck.

In reality, the Birthers are little more than brainless thugs waiting for their own Kristallnacht*.

See, the Birthers are deliberately attempting to deny you your franchise. 

They’re not alone, the anti-healthcare reform fanatics have joined forces with them and adopted the same tactics.

As detailed in a leaked memo, these rightwing nutjobs have outlined their strategy to disrupt town hall style meetings. The strategy urges protesters to be disruptive, to “yell out” and “shout out” and artificially inflate their numbers to make it seem as if they hold the majority opinion – when clearly they are the fringe minority (and they know it). The targets of these attacks are bipartisan in nature, both Democrats and Republicans have been harassed – and if anything, moderate Republicans are fielding the worst of these assaults. For example: Birthers shouted down Representative Mike Castle (R-DE) during a town hall meeting, and dozens of forums have been disrupted by the idiot dupes opposed to healthcare reform.

Now, it’s one thing for the random goof to wander into a town forum.  We’ve all seen it, it’s irritating or amusing and eventually the police escort the crazy Bird Lady or Cat Piss Man out of the meeting so the sane people can get on with business.  It also makes an amusing video when you put the crazy people on YouTube.

It’s another thing entirely when nationally organized groups deliberately seek to disrupt the connection between an elected official and his or her constituents.  By organizing, by adopting tactics with the specific intent of deliberate disruption and denial of access, these people have moved beyond the 1st Amendment right of all US citizens to protest and into the same territory prosecutable under Federal RICO statues as abortion activists. 

These nuts are deliberately and with malice aforethought attempting to keep you from accessing your government.  They are denying you the right to address your Congressman in a public forum.  They are doing this deliberately and on purpose and they are being directed by prominent members of the media and leaders within their movement. Those leaders and those members of the media should be charged for violations under the RICO act, exactly the same as those abortion opponents who attempt to deny woman access to clinics.  They need to be formally charged and tried and, if found guilty, sent to prison.

Understand something here, I’m NOT advocating that we should deny them their right to protest.  They may believe whatever crazy nonsense they like, they may speak of it loudly to those who will listen, they can stand on corners and wave signs and copies of their birth certificates.  They can even attend town hall meetings and speak their minds, as individuals and in turn. But the minute they organize and deliberately seek to disrupt meetings so that I and my neighbors cannot address our elected officials they are infringing on my Constitutional rights as an American citizen. 

This is a violation of federal law**. 

I’ll tell you flat out and in no uncertain terms, I spent twenty years defending the Constitution of this country, I am a Patriot in the original sense of the word, and if these assholes attempt to get between me and my government, I will cut them down without mercy.

It’s about time that our elected officials show some backbone.  We have every right to expect members of Congress to display courage in the face of this nonsense. Those that do not have no business representing the people of the United States.  Any Representative who panders to this hysteria is a coward, and I won’t stand to be represented by cowards.  I risked my life defending this country, and I demand no less from my elected officials. The least they can do, the very least, is risk a few votes. 

We need a roll call, right now, in both the House and the Senate.  We need every single Representative and Senator to state clearly and unequivocally for the record their position with regards to the Birthers’ claims. We need it said on the Official Record and in public.  We the people of the United States have the right to know if members of Congress are catering to the nuts at our expense. We have a right, and duty and obligation, to know if members of our own government are part of this hysteria, and we have a right to know if members of Congress are so Goddamned chickenshit that they’ll pander to the Birthers just to keep their jobs. 

It is time, long past time, for Congress to display solid and clear leadership, to guide this country in the manner that we as Americans rightfully expect, and crush this nonsense once and for all.

The Birthers must be relegated to the ridiculous fringe were they belong.

 

 

 

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* Kristallnacht: Don’t think so? Think I’m engaging in hyperbole?  Listen to the words the Birthers are using. Listen to them talk about Obama’s treason – the same way the SA used to talk about the Jews and Gypsies and outsiders in 1930’s Germany.  Taitz herself is the one who brought up the term Brownshirts, don’t tell me she’s not thinking about it. Listen to the Birthers talk of “taking back America for Americans,” we’ve heard that phrase before, different country, different time, different recession, different war, but the rhetoric is the same. Exactly the same. 

 

** Some additional thoughts: 

As noted yesterday, if Obama were shown to be unfit for office, for whatever reason, the Vice President would be sworn in as President to execute the office until the next election. 

Now, two things:

Category 1) If the Birthers expect a do-over, if they demand a do-over (i.e. a new election, or the installment of McCain/Palin or some other candidate as President) then they either a) obviously don’t understand the Constitution, or b) don’t care.  This makes their participation in the Birther movement hypocrisy of the highest order.  On one hand, they demand compliance with a single passage of the Constitution, but ignore the part the does not directly support their desires (and here we have an exact, repeat exact, mirror of the the Creationist mindset – no wonder both groups seem to be inclusive sets of the other).

Category 2) If the Birthers do understand the Constitutional clause, and they accept Joe Biden as President, then it is obvious and indisputable that their primary motivation is not Constitutional, but rather a personal dislike for Barack Obama the man.  This is also high order hypocrisy, given that the Birther movement seeks to hide their hatred behind false Constitutional issues, and it means that the lawsuits filed by Orly Taitz and her clients are completely bogus and motivated purely by hatred and little else. This makes participation in organized Birther disruptions of town meetings and harassment of civil servants a hate crime.

Statistics bear out that for those who fall into Birther Category 2 above, the majority are likely racist in motivation, i.e the majority of Birthers are white ultra religious conservatives from the Deep South.  Again, making this movement a hate crime in all but name.

Once these people organize, they can be charged under federal RICO and and civil rights laws.

 

Now, I’m done talking about Birthers for a while.

Birthers, Cherry Picking, and the Politics of Stupid (updated)

One thing about fishing, it gives you time to think.

I was standing in the Knik river casting for silver salmon this last weekend and something occurred to me.

Birthers.

These people are idiots of the highest caliber. Birthers make the standard issue conspiracy nut look like a paragon of rational thought, their delusion is on such a scale that it almost defies description.

Now, I’m pretty sure that the real basis of the Birthers’ persistent fervor is simple racism egged on by the pundits and the talking heads – the ones that keep bloviating on about how America is going to hell in a handcart because they didn’t get what they wanted in the last election.

The crux of their protest is the following Constitutional paragraph:

No person except a natural born citizen, or a citizen of the United States, at the time of the adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the office of President; neither shall any person be eligible to that office who shall not have attained to the age of thirty five years, and been fourteen Years a resident within the United States.

The issue being, of course, that the Birthers believe Obama is not, in fact, a “natural born” American citizen.

The problem is that the Constitution is pretty vague on what, exactly, a “natural born” citizen is. Nowhere in the Constitution is “natural born citizen” defined*. Could be that that the framers only intended to have as their president someone who was born naturally, without drugs or surgery or other such midwifery – too bad for all those born via Caesarian Section I guess. Or maybe they meant the kid had to be born of two American citizens, or on America soil or only be right handed (lefties being considered somewhat unnatural at the time), or not a slave or a woman or Caligula's horse.

But the truth of matter is that the Founding Fathers didn’t mean any of those things.

What they did mean is fairly clear – as outlined in the Federalist papers and the personal writings of a number of the framers. They intended that the President be an American. That was their chief concern. Specifically what they really intended was that President’s loyalties were to the United States and the United States only. What they were afraid of was that a bastard member of the English aristocracy would emigrate, become a citizen, and get elected – and turn the United States back over to the King in one form or another.

The Birthers don’t care about that, of course. They really don’t give a damn about the Constitution, or the intention of the Founding Fathers. What they really want is that black man out of the White House before he stinks up the place. They’re angry and hurt that America is not the crazy religious theocracy that they think they want to live in. They’re upset that they lost, and not just lost but lost by what nearly amounted to a landside. They simply can’t accept it, can’t accept that there is a black man in the White House, a liberal, a Democrat – so in their twisted minds the man must be a “usurper.” He’s black, he must have stolen the election, he must have cheated – because, of course, that’s what black people do. The common use of the word “usurper” is a dead giveaway, the Birthers feel that only a white man is naturally born of the United States and only a Conservative is a true American, and therefore rightfully the president.

Let’s say they got what they want, i.e. definitive proof that Barack Obama was born in Kenya, or Canada, or Whatthefuckistan, and is not, in fact, a natural born American citizen - however we chose to define it.

Then what?

There’s no provision in the Constitution for a do-over.

And the Constitution and electoral process doesn’t work like the Miss America Pageant. The runner up doesn’t get the crown in the event that the winner pisses off Donald Trump.

See, the Birthers seem to think that if they get rid of Obama, John McCain and Sarah Palin will automatically take over the Office and Jesus will then stop crying and be happy.

But it doesn’t work like that.

You have to read the whole Constitution, not just the one paragraph that says what you want to hear – it’s sort of like the Bible in that regard, you’re supposed to read all of it and comply with all of it, even the parts you don’t agree with.

The election is over.

The Democrats won.

If the President is unfit to hold office, well then the very next paragraph of the Constitution applies:

In case of the removal of the President from office, or of his death, resignation, or inability to discharge the powers and duties of the said office, the same shall devolve on the Vice President, and the Congress may by law provide for the case of removal, death, resignation or inability, both of the President and Vice President, declaring what officer shall then act as President, and such officer shall act accordingly, until the disability be removed, or a President shall be elected.

See? That’s why it pays to actually read the Constitution, not just quote the parts that Rush or Glenn or Dobbs or your pastor happen to mention. That’s why it pays to actually, you know, think for yourself.

If Obama is declared unfit to hold office, you don’t get John McCain.

You get Joe Biden**

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Update: This is the leader of the Bithers. Right here. This is the woman who started this nonsense, who continues to fan the crazy flames, and will not let it die. This shrill disjointed obnoxious woman, right here.

If you are a Birther, this is who you’re keeping company with.

If I point and laugh, it's because, well, you're an idiot. Really.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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* However, natural born citizen is defined in a number of places in federal statute.

** And if Joe Biden is found unfit, then you get whoever Congress decides is President – the Democratic majority Congress. The Birthers don’t like President Obama, I wonder how they’d feel about President Pelosi?

Maintenance (updated)

I'm doing some software maintenance this morning.

Some weird errors have crept into my system over the last couple of months, especially with Firefox, and it's reached a point where I need to do something about it.

I think I've got some conflicting add-ons - specifically the WinAmp plugin and some of my blog editing tools are not getting along. I use a lot of plug-ins and it's likely some of them are becoming unruly. I'm disabling them one by one, running the error console and checking to see if the weirdness goes away. So far, I haven't found it. Firefox keeps crashing, or locking up. It won't shutdown, it just hangs as an invisible process sucking up vast amounts of processing power. I may need to completely delete the browser and reinstall. I hope not.

I'm also fooling with some other software this morning, this may lead to some odd behavior in the blog. Earlier one of my editing tools published a piece of comment that was in the buffer as a blog post, I deleted it right away, but I have no idea why it would do that. That kind of weirdness needs to be fixed.

Which is what I'm doing.

So, if you see some weirdness, or more weirdness that usual, do not be alarmed. It's all part of the process.
______________________________________________

- Removal of the WinAmp Toolbar for Firefox seems to have done the trick. A lot of my Firefox problems went away right there.

- Installed TweetDeck. Not particularly impressed. It's OK, I don't hate it, but I'm sort of meh on it. I don't like the Mac Style interface. I just don't. Ideally I'd like to find something that takes advantage of the Vista specific interface, maybe something that hangs off the Gadget bar. However, so far all the gadget based twitter clients I've looked at have sucked donkey balls. I continue to search for the perfect Twitter client.

Tequila!

Original here

A Conversation With My 6-Year Old Neighbor

 

I was in the shop, this is the song that was on the sound system. Play it loud (Anybody know who the bassist is? You don’t get anything if you’re right, but I’d be very impressed).

 

I was indexing pieces prior to cutting them on bandsaw. I had the music turned up. I was grooving right along. Looked up. Neighbor kid standing in the open highbay door.

This kid’s middle name must be “Crap,” he loves the word.

Kid: What’s this crap?

Me: Excuse me?

KId: What’s this crap?

He kind of vaguely waves around, I understand he’s referring to my music selection.

Me: This is John Lee Hooker, one of the greatest blues singers that ever lived.

Kid: What?

Me: John Lee Hooker, the song is Boom Boom. I take it you don’t like it?

Kid: It’s crap.

Me: You say that about every song I play. What kind of music do you like?

Kid: Not the crap kind. Don’t you have any music that’s not crap?

Me: Well, let me think about it for a minute.  Say, has anybody told you about the monster?

Kid: What monster?

Me: I probably better not say anything.

Kid: Tell me.

Me: Well, there’s been this monster seen in the neighborhood lately, and…

Kid: What, what?

Me: I better not say.

Kid: TELL ME!

Me: Okay. It’s long and slimy and goes around like a giant snake with eight legs.  It crawls in your window at night and wraps around you and…

Kid: What! What!

Me: It sucks your eyeballs out.

Kid: NO WAY! NO WAY! NO WAY!

Me: Yep. You can protect yourself though…

Kid: Tell me!

Me: It hates John Lee Hooker music. You have to listen to it all the time, really loud. That’s why I have it playing in the shop, so the eye sucker monster doesn’t get me.

Kid: Really?

Me: Ayep.  You better get yourself some of that.

Kid: Moooooooooooom! [disappears down the drive]

 

I’m sort of hoping he went home and told his mom he needed a hooker so the eye sucker… uh, never mind.

 

Calling Johnny Lee crap, I hope he has nightmares.

Better yet, maybe the eye sucker monster will get him – that’ll teach him to appreciate the blues.

Esperanto? Kio La Infero?

I was fooling with my Google search preferences.

One of the options under "Search Languages" is Esperanto.

Esperanto? Esperanto?

For those of you not familiar with this, Esperanto is a constructed international “auxiliary” language, created in the 1870’s by one Dr. Ludovic L. Zamenhof, a Russian Jewish doctor and ophthalmologist. He intended the language to foster harmony between people of different countries – reasoning that if they could all speak a common language they’d understand each other better and therefore be less likely to go to war.  Dr. Zamenhof grew up and lived in Bialystok, a city in what is now Poland on the Belarus border, but during Zamenhof’s time was part of the Russian Empire. The city was divided into four distinct cultures, Russians, Poles, Germans, and the Jews. They each spoke their own language and had their own traditions and they, in large part, didn’t mix. There were problems, as you might guess. Zamenhof thought those conflicts could be fixed, if everybody could at least speak to each other in a common language.  He spent ten years developing Esperanto as a result. The final product was a artificial language constructed from the basic elements of predominately Romanic natural languages. It was easy to learn and speak (for people of European extraction, not so much for non-Latin derived native language speakers such as those from Central Africa or Asia). Zamenhof spent the next couple of decades promoting it – there were congresses held in different countries every year and the number of speakers grew rapidly – right up until the the Second World War.  Esperanto was seen as the “language of the Jews” under Hitler who specifically condemned it in Mein Kampf and it was ruthlessly stamped out. Zamenhof’s own family was sent off to the death camps specifically because of it. In what was now Soviet Russia, Esperanto was called the “language of the spies” by Stalin and made illegal.  By the time the war was over, so was Esperanto for the most part.

So, seriously now, who the hell actually speaks and reads and writes Esperanto today?  I mean, speaks it on such a regular basis that they publish web pages in it?

OK, I do know people who understand Esperanto. They have little clubs where they get together and trade the few books that were ever published in it.  They chatter back and forth in Esperanto at the meetings, trying to sound clever - it's a lot like those nerds who speak fluent Klingon and recite poetry in it. The difference being that there are probably a lot more people who speak Klingon than there are people who speak or even give a shit about Esperanto.

OK, Esperanto people, don’t beat me up.

I know there’s maybe as many as a couple million people worldwide who speak the language (but it may be as low a 10,000 too, nobody is really sure). You’ve got your own Wiki and a radio station or two and some newspapers and such. There’s even a college that uses Esperanto as its primary teaching language, the Akademio Internacia de la Sciencoj in San Marino

Hell, full disclosure here, I studied it myself, briefly, and speak a few words, I even have a couple of books published in Esperanto, somewhere in a box downstairs. We used to use it as the “adversary language” during certain military simulations, which is how I happen to know a couple of Esperanto speakers.

I realize that there is a fanatical core group of you who still believe that Esperanto is the key to hope and understanding and universal peace and enlightenment. Good luck with that. Really.

But, is Esperanto such a big deal that Google offers it as a search language option?

So how come Google doesn’t offer Klingon?

Dear National Rifle Association...

...please fuck right the hell off.

Seriously.

Stop calling my house with your hysterical "Obama is taking our guns Oh NOES!" bullshit.

I don't want to take your survey.

I've hung up on you three nights in a row now, get a fucking clue would you please?

You people are the ones who scare me, not the prospective Supreme Court line-up and Judge Sotomayor. Most of you rightwing NRA hard-ons are exactly the type of people who shouldn't own firearms in the first damned place and anything that puts some limits on you wackos is fine by me.

There, are we clear on this now?

Take my number off your call list. K? Thanks.

Offline For a While (updated)

Folks, don't expect much from me today.

Today is the day my brain decided to have its standard migraine.

I took a boiling hot shower and took a couple of pills and was feeling slightly better. However, after an hour of answering email and reading blogs and the news, the headache is flaring again and it feels like my eyes are being pushed out of my head. I'm nauseated and dizzy and I'm going to go lay back down for a while with a cold compress over my eyes.

No worries, this is a normal thing for me. It'll pass in a couple of hours, then I'll feel like hammered dog shit for the rest of the day - which is a real pain, because I have a large job to finish in the shop.

See you later, Internet People.
____________________________
Lying down didn't help.

The headache has faded a bit, but now I have the shakes and trouble focusing.

Again this is normal for me.

It'll run its course in a couple hours.

Best thing at the moment is for me to go out to the shop. I can't run equipment at the moment, but I'll sweep up, and organize, and put away tools. Doing that kind of routine thing usually helps it go away.

Stupid Migraines.

Note: there's an interesting conversation going on the comments section of the previous post, in case you feel like jumping in.

You Can’t Stop the Signal, Mal.

I like Twitter.

I didn’t think I would.

Really, when people first started telling me about Twitter I thought it just sounded stupid.

One Hundred and forty character “micro blogging?”  Yeah.  I thought the name described it perfectly, a bunch of little birds chirping back and forth. 

I’ve got enough noise in my life, I sure as hell don’t need any more background chatter.

I mean seriously, I don’t really like people in the first place. I’m not a social person (Really, Jim? We would never have guessed that.  See? That’s what I’m talking about, that kind of sarcasm will not get you invited to dinner). Anything with the phrase “social networking” in the title turns me right off.  I like my peace and I’m not afraid of silence. People irritate me. Noise irritates me. The soap opera crap most people talk about doesn’t interest me in the slightest. I don’t care what people are doing, or who said what, or what some dumbassed pop star did, or who said what as long as they leave me alone. I’m the guy who doesn’t slow down to gawk at accidents, because I just don’t care. (Oh hell, I’ll stop to help if I’m needed, but if I see blue and red lights I figure the cops got things under control and it’s none of my business. Seriously, I’m pretty sure I’m going to have that printed on my gravestone. Well either that or, “Move along, Dickhead” which I think is a pretty fitting epitaph)

But I digress.

Back to Twitter: I especially don’t need to see posts from the bathroom about bowel movements or from the kitchen about the wonders of baloney sandwich construction or any of the other endless personal minutia of the lives of people I don’t know and couldn’t possibly care less about.

When the most famous post on Twitter is “OK, poop is coming out” I figured me and Twitter got nothing the other one needs.

Twitter seemed like something kids did. Wandering down the street with their hair hanging in their eyes, furiously clicking away at those little texting phones until they fell into an open manhole or got weeded out of the gene pool when they drifted into traffic.

Twitter held no interest for me whatsoever.

Or so I thought.

But people kept talking about it.

Things were happening over there.

It made me curious, I wondered if I was wrong. I mean, I’m hip, Daddy-O, I’m cool, I’m not a N00b, I know the cake is a big fat lie – maybe I should be on this Tweeter thing because it’s an emerging technology and if I don’t get onboard my brain will shrivel up and I’ll be left behind with the fading remnants of the Bush Administration.

Hell, even Sarah Palin is on Twitter. Maybe I was missing something?

Then there was Flight 1549, and I went back to being pretty sure Twitter was just as stupid as it sounded.  You remember Flight 1549? The US Airways jet that belly-flopped into the Hudson after plowing through a flock of birds and losing all power? Passengers were sending tweets from inside the sinking plane as they were scrambling to get off.  How stupid is that, seriously? If some dipshit is blocking the emergency exit while she taps out a tweet to friends (OMFG! We just crashed! We’re in the RIVER! I hope they don’t lose my luggage!) they’re going to find her dead body at the bottom of the Hudson with her Blackberry jammed about a foot up her colon.  I mean, who risks their life, who risks my life, to send a tweet to a handful of “friends” and ten dozen pornbots? Stooooopid.

Except, maybe not. 

See, suddenly people with smartphones were sending data from on scene. In real time. Hundreds of times faster than any News organization could get on site.  People were alive (and honestly, how often does that happen in a major airplane crash?) and the whole world knew about it instantly without waiting for the press conferences.  There were amazing pictures appearing on the web and little lines of text – connecting people to the event all over the world in real-time.

My job used to be information - the collection and analysis and management and manipulation and weaponization of information – suddenly, in that second, I saw smartphones and tools like Twitter and Plurk and twitpix and Flicr and other social networking sites as near real-time sensors.  Spread across the globe in a vast loose network.

I started paying closer attention.

Turns out there were actual sensors, like those of the USGS, plugged into Twitter. And real time twitter feeds from varied instrumentation and cameras and dozens of other things.

I started seeing hits here on Stonekettle Station that back-linked to Twitter. Sometimes swarms of them (is “swarm” the right word? Maybe I should have said “flock?”  Seriously what’s a group of Twitterers called? I’m such a N00b).  Sometimes huge swarms of them.  I had one day were I got over a thousand unique hits for something I said here – that got my attention. I wanted to know what people were saying about me.

So I set up a Twitter account.

And found that I was right – both ways.

Twitter is filled with silly, inane chatter (and yes, I am currently contributing to it. Thanks for pointing that out. Dinner. Invitation. Yours. Not likely).  People do tweet about bowel movements and baloney sandwiches and stupid silly nonsense.  It’s entirely possible that this kind of soybean filler makes up 90% of the traffic on the network.

But then there are things like Iran.

People were sending pictures and words and impressions and eyewitness accounts from the streets of Iran, from the middle of riots and protests and clouds of tear gas.  Real-time data from inside one of the most secretive countries in the world.  They’re still doing it.  As an intelligence analyst, I would have killed for information feeds like that.  Amazing.  And I’m not the only one who thought so, the State Department asked Twitter to postpone its routine maintenance down cycle in order to ensure Iranians had access to the outside world.

Like any technology, especially communications technology, Twitter is a two edged sword – you have to be careful. There are no filters between the transmitter and the receivers – i.e. while Twitter allows for the almost instantaneous dissemination of information, that information is limited and only a piece of the picture and there is absolutely no guarantee that the information is nonbiased or correct or or complete or even real. There’s a reason that cops and intelligence folks put little stock in eye-witness reports, most people are not reliable witnesses.  Twitter spreads rumors and hysteria like wildfire – and this can have devastating effects by propagating false information and then reinforcing and mutating it over and over. 

This rapid spread of information is having a debilitating effect on traditional news organizations – and this trend is only a subset of the overall effect of the Internet and rapid communications technology, such as blogging, is having on Newspapers and Broadcast News.  In an effort to just keep up, those organizations have almost completely dismantled their traditional fact checking and editorial functions.  Few news organizations still adhere to the Edward R. Murrow ideal.  The once vaunted CNN is a perfect example, once the epitome of integrity in reporting, CNN nowadays is fronted by the likes of Glenn Beck and Nancy Grace and their daily news line up is little more than topical fluff, rumor mongering, and hysteria.  CNN isn’t alone, the behemoths of journalism are in serious danger of going extinct. They simply can’t compete. What they fail to realize is that they shouldn’t even try.  Their strength lies elsewhere, in integrity, in in-depth investigation, in accuracy above all else – and as the buck stops here wall when it comes to those rapidly spreading rumors and falsehoods of the internet.  By lowing themselves to the level of bloggers and tweeters and social networkers they’ve given up their credibility – and the public increasingly sees them as no better and no different and in many cases far less reliable than the average blogger or tweeter. 

The sad thing is that they just can’t seem to grasp that, and as a result many of them are dying off.

On the other hand, Twitter can be an absolutely vital guide to information you would otherwise miss – and a guide to accurate and timely information. I follow the feeds for the Alaska Volcano Warning center – if Mount Redoubt or any of the other half dozen active volcanoes within range of my house here in Palmer, Alaska blows, I’ll know almost immediately via real-time sensors and the USGS twitter feed to my phone – and I’ll have time to take the appropriate action before the ashfall reaches us. 

Which brings up an interesting dichotomy: the Twitter Haves, and the Twitter Have Nots.

I’m much more likely to survive a catastrophic natural event than those who don’t subscribe to the USGS/AVO Twitter feed – because they don’t care, or don’t have access, or don’t have Twitter accounts.  It’s the difference between living next to the tornado warning siren and being deaf.  Push this far enough, allow the rest of the information infrastructure to atrophy, and real-time social networking becomes a survival characteristic.

Another example: yesterday I saw a Twitter notification from the White House, requesting that small business owners weigh in on health care reform. Yes, that’s right, the President was asking Americans, specifically small business people, to help his administration design the Universal Healthcare program.  Those with Twitter feeds are a hell of a lot more likely to be involved than those without.  There may come a time when your franchise requires such social networking connections. Those without might become the Gypsies of the Information Age.

Things like Twitter are changing the world and America in far less tangible ways. 

In a case that has the potential to impact 1st Amendment Rights, a property management company is suing one of their tenants for expressing her dissatisfaction on Twitter with one of their housing units in Chicago.  It’s not that they’re disputing the woman’s claims, that mold was growing on the walls of her apartment, it’s that they feel saying so to twenty friends online harms their reputation – so they’re suing her for defamation in an attempt to specifically limit what anyone can say about them in any public forum.  Without Twitter this woman’s complaint would have been limited to a few friends and acquaintances, with Twitter she speaks to the entire world – and has in this case, the company’s actions turned this minor issue into a top trending topic on Twitter and as a result they’ve basically hung themselves on their own petard.  People coming to Chicago in search of apartments would do well to avoid this landlord, and they are – which is the crux of the company’s complaint.  I suspect the company will lose, I also suspect this is only the beginning of such cases, but it begs the question – if a tenet can’t complain about her landlord online, can she protest in front of the building? Can she complain to her handful of friends. What are the limits of free speech and the number of people she is allowed to reach, where does that line fall in between zero and the entire global online population? The case very much has the potential to effect bloggers like me.

Twitter can be fun. 

Those folks we admire, actors for example, are sometimes as interesting on Twitter as they are in our movies and TV shows.  More so in many cases. It’s not surprising I guess, they’re entertainers, and Twitter provides them with a personal and direct connection to their audience.  Brent Spiner, of Star Trek fame, is a prolific tweeter, running improvised story arcs and strangely entertaining and amusing and often bizarre glimpses into his incredibly creative mind.  Some people simply don’t get it. They’re not amused, they expect to follow Commander Data, the Next Generation Android, and instead they get Spiner, clown, philosopher, jokester, and raconteur. 

And of course, Twitter connects us to friends

And yes, sometimes it does connect us to the minutia of their lives.

But that’s what friendship is about, isn’t it? We share the details of our lives, we trade jokes and stories and things we know that others will find interesting. We live vicariously through each other, scattered across the globe and even out into space.  Twitter in many cases has humanized the Internet, for both good and bad and mostly something in the middle.

The medium is changing people, changing how they see the world and each other. Breaking down barriers and opening doors into parts of the world many of us have never seen. Like inside of Iran.

It’s been fun watching it evolve over the last couple of months.

I wonder where it will go.

 

---

Note: I continue to resist Facebook with all my strength. I do not have time for Farmtown. I do not.

Shatner Beat

As Eric said: Bill, I publicly forgive you for Star Trek V (Not Generations though, I'm still pissed about that):




(This is a Hulu video, I like the quality better than You-Tube, but you've got to put up with the commericial)

Amusingly, this is a top trending topic on Twitter today, Shatner seems somewhat bemused by it all.