Responding to Creationists, Cranks, Conspiracy Nuts, Zealots, Deniers of All Stripes, and other Crazies.

A couple of days ago, I made a smart Alec comment on Facebook.

This is not unusual, I make a lot of smart Alec comments on Facebook.

But in this case I was commenting about the Texas School Board’s recent decision to remove discussion of any religion other than Christianity from US history books and to actively foist their warped, verifiably wrong, and willfully incomplete view of history on America’s school children.  Specifically, I said, “I’d like to personally thank Texas for rolling the US educational system back to the 14^th Century.” Way to go, douchebags and etc. With a link to Phil Plait’s Bad Astronomy Blog at the Discover Magazine and a discussion of the same topic from the view of an actual no-foolin scientist who spends an admirable amount of time slapping around stupid people.

It didn’t take long for a creationist to show up, and not just a creationist but a global climate change denying, Big Bang denying anti-evolutionist who doesn’t understand the difference between the origin of life and the origin of a species. Here’s his comment:

Evolution has about the same evidence as global warming. No transitional forms and no missing link. Look it up. Even the Big Bang doesn't make sense without a creator or cause. Darwin’s book Origin of the species never addresses the Origin of the Species.

People seemed think I was going to debate this guy, and while I found their comments amusing – there was no way I was going to do anything other than point and engage in ridicule. Not that he wouldn’t have been easy to rip apart, mind you, and in fact I count over a dozen things in that ridiculous paragraph that are verifiably wrong, provably so, definitively so, obviously so, beginning with the fact that my post had nothing whatsoever to do with either global climate change or evolution but rather the Texas school board’s decision to edit out an enormous historical contribution to human history, science, culture, and language because they don’t like Muslims and don’t want them portrayed in a favorable light. Ever. This pisses me off. I don’t give a flying fig what kind of ignorance they wish to indulge in down there in the land of pointy-toed boots, giant hats, and horny toads, but when their nonsense impacts my child’s education and makes my country the laughing stock of the of civilized world, then they are making it my business. I would feel the same way about it if they’d decided to edit Jesus out of the history books – if Jesus had actually invented optics, developed advanced mathematics and medicines, preserved human knowledge throughout the Dark Ages when Europe had fallen into illiterate feudal savagery while his Church was busy spreading the Black Death and burning people for hearsay, carried science and civilization to a third of the known world in his caravans, or explored more of the planet than the fifty miles of desert surrounding the place where he was supposedly born. It is true that I could have resoundingly debunked that creationist nonsense. Hell, I could have done it when I was ten.  Scientists like Plait and Michael Shermer make a career out of refuting this kind of bullshit, and I admire them for it.

But it doesn’t make any difference.

Not to the crazies anyway.

And it is my policy not to engage in debate with willfully stupid people.  Mostly I point and laugh. When that doesn’t work, I tend to resort to violence.

Now look, I’m not saying that debunking the cranks isn’t an honorable and worthwhile endeavor and a crappy job that has to be done. But people like the commenter mentioned above simply don’t operate within a fact based, reality oriented framework. Through design or defect, they are functionally incapable of processing input in a rational manner. Instead they see the world through some kind of warped goggles the way a mental patient views the world and no amount of debunking will ever change their delusional outlook. Period. In other words, it doesn’t matter how debugged the program is if the processor circuitry adds 2 and 2 and gets the square root of negative one, and in fact always returns (i) no matter what numbers you put in. You can keep plugging in the proper values, checking and refining your input, but the machine relentlessly spits out (i) and only (i). That’s exactly what it’s like to debate a creationist, or scientologist, or a moon landing denier, or an anti-vaxxer.

Oh, you can maybe force these nuts to eventually modify their silly nonsense – take for example how Creationism evolved (sorry) into Young Earth Creationism (Dino Variant) when the creationists simply could not deny overwhelming fossil evidence any longer. Like a psychotic incorporating the doctor and mental ward into his delusional world, the creationists simply put vegetarian dinosaurs on Noah’s Ark and then twisted bible quotes to make them fit. When debunkers pointed out that it would have been impossible to feed such creatures on an extended sea voyage, let alone shovel hundreds of tons of dinosaur manure over the side every single day in pitching seas (you know, like you would have when God drowns the whole damned (heh) world), hell eight people with shovels couldn’t do it in calm seas – and never mind the utter idiocy of this scenario in the first place. Creationists then decided that the thunder lizards were either carried onboard as eggs, babies, or that God put the full grown adults into some kind of divine stupor where the giant beasts neither ate nor shat. Asked where the creatures are now, Creationists claim they died out around about the time Jesus showed up.  God changed his mind about saving them apparently, the big sinners, guess they shouldn’t have eaten from the coconut tree of knowledge.  When the utter implausibility of the Deluge itself was painstakingly pointed out, Creationists invented an elaborate fantasy structure of an Earth that was as flat as a billiard ball (despite biblical references that contradicts this silly bullshit, not to mention, you know, actual science) and a globe-circling floating orbital water shield of Jesus that rained down for 40 days and nights to become a world drowning ocean that was also supplemented by geysers and fountains and other such juju magics and later just completely disappeared after turning into dinosaur bones or something – I mean, Jesus, web-toed Kevin Costner’s Water World makes more Goddamed sense and it had Jeanne Tripplehorn in a fish skin bikini. But, no matter what evidence is presented, the creationists will keep moving the goal posts like mental patients to persist in their increasingly elaborate and bizarre delusions. (Now, I suppose I must digress for a minute and admit to a certain mean spirited enjoyment when I see creationists get into deadly serious screaming matches over the fine points of their shared delusion – like when I listened to a couple of YECs arguing over the depth of the Deluge’s world girdling ocean, the point of their argument hung on a mere two foot difference (100 feet or 102 feet) based on what each of them thought it would take to drown a full grown brachiosaurus.  It was so like watching the class spaz argue to the verge of tears with the class dork over who would win a fight between the Gorn Captain and Boba Fett, entertaining if you have nothing better to do.) 

But see, that’s the point, I do have something better to do.

And it is neither my job nor my duty to debunk the idiots or pamper the mental patients.

In America, the Constitution may give these people the right to speak their bilge in public, but it doesn’t require that I have to respect it.

And I do not.

I cannot, and will not, suffer fools gladly. And I really can’t understand people who do.

Arguing with these people, attempting to reason with them, is a lost cause – because they are not reasonable people.

The only proper response to this nonsense is: Shut Up.

Let me give you an example.

Remember Marshall Applewhite?

Marshall was a fun guy. He got fired from his job for “emotional issues” (HR speak for “basket case”). In fact, he had a whole host of mental issues, which included hearing voices in his head and the belief that he was storing the preserved mind of Christ in his noggin (I guess if you’re going to keep Jesus in your head, you should have somebody for him to talk to – or at least cable basic). I don’t suppose it will come as a surprise to you that he was a big believer in UFOs and alien visitors.  Marshall, who preferred to be addressed by his secret space alien name “Do” (as in doodoo), also had himself surgically castrated, because, and dig this, the Jesus voice told him to cut his balls off. He founded an outfit named Heaven’s Gate.  Maybe you’ve heard of it – the whole bunch of them committed mass suicide back in 1997 so they could go meet an alien spacecraft hiding in the glowing tail of comet Hale-Bopp.

Marshall was nuts, right? (or rather no-nuts, if you want to get technical about it).

Here’s the thing, he didn’t get that way overnight. He didn’t just wake up one day and decide to cut his balls off. He got there a piece at a time, little by little, over years and years, because people indulged his bullshit rather than telling him to just shut up.

I know, I know, I see you over there waving your arms. You going all 1st Amendment in the face and shit. Hang on.

Hear me out.

You’re sitting on a bench, reading a book, enjoying the sun, poisoning the pigeons in the park. Whatever it is that you do in the half hour when you’re not pestering me here. This strange old dude with a funny walk and bleached hair comes mooching up. He asks if he can sit down. He seems harmless enough, so you nod to the empty half of the bench, and raise your eyebrow so he knows not to start anything.  He sits down in sort of a weird space alien sort of way, and after a minute says: “Say listen, after work a bunch of us are going down to Mexico for margaritas and to have our funberries hacked off by a drug lord’s plastic surgeon, then we’re going to dress up in purple capes and white sneakers and drink the strychnine Kool-Aid and put plastic bags over our faces. We’re doing this because Zombie-Jesus-who-lives-in-my-head says the Earth is about to be destroyed by aliens but we’re going to abandon our bodies and go live on the comet with the comet people.  We’ve got an extra seat, you interested?”

To which you reply, (a) “Whoa Doggies, count me in!” or (b) “Piss off you creepy little eunuch or I will snatch you up by the top of your pointy bald grape and jam my Thick Tip Sharpie into your eye so deep that I’ll be able to write Fuck You on the inside of your skull in four inch high indelible ink.”

The correct answer seems obvious doesn’t it? (it also explains why I always carry a Sharpie, just in case you were wondering)

But, see, here’s the thing: thirty nine people chose option (a).

It wasn’t a secret. They told people. They put out movies. They had a website – they still have a website. And nobody said to them, listen here, you stupid silly bastards… Everybody just sort of said, well, they’re a little odd. 

And it happens all of the time. Jonestown. The Branch Davidians. That bunch in France what burned themselves up along with their kids. Those obnoxious goofs who like to wave their bibles in your face while you’re waiting for the light to change. Creationists. Tom Cruise.

And people shake their heads and say “how could this happen?”

How could it happen?

It happens because nobody told these deluded idiots to shut up and stop acting like fucking retards – until it was too late (Note: about the use of the term “retards,” yes I know it’s offensive to some people. It is however an accurate description in certain cases. I don’t use it lightly. Further explanation in the comments section). It happens because we are far too indulgent when it comes to this kind of nonsense.  It happens because when somebody looks you in the eye and says with a straight face, “I believe Jennifer Love Hewitt really does talk to ghosts, it’s totally true,” you don’t immediately break into gales of taunting laughter and follow them about for the rest of the day ridiculing their stupidity with sarcastic barbed wit in front of their friends and co-workers.

Look, if you tell people you hear voices in your head commanding you to kill the President because Jodie Foster will dig it and want to have your babies, we lock your silly ass up and make fun of you on TV.  But if you tell people you hear a voice in your head and he’s telling you the president is a space alien in a rubber human suit, the TEA Party of Nevada will ask you to be their Senator – as long as you say the voice in your head sounds like Jesus. 

Sure, Jim, OK, but that’s not the same as creationism, or holocaust denial, or moon landing hoaxers, or the Anti-LHC crowd, or Neo-conservatism.

Yes it is, it is exactly the same.

Look, I’m not talking about restricting the freedom of speech or freedom to worship – what I’m talking about is intervention. I’m talking about cranking the public bullshit filter up to 11.

If somebody tells you that that the magical science fiction power of L. Ron Hubbard gives them the ability to fly, are you denying them their 1^st Amendment rights when you prevent them from stepping off the roof? Or, in my case, not.  Because to be perfectly honest, personally, I don’t really give a fig if they jump off that roof or not. Stupid is a terminal disease, it’s going to get you sooner or later – hopefully before somebody convinces you to cut your balls off. And, hey, you know, if they do fly well maybe I’ll go pick up a copy of Dianetics, and if they go bounce bounce squish well that’s just one less moron in the gene pool as far as I’m concerned – speaking of Scientology, hopefully it’s Vinnie Barbarino, that way I don’t ever have to watch another one of his shitty movies, I’ve never forgiven that hammy bastard for Battlefield Earth. 

But what about the people on the sidewalk below? Don’t we have a moral obligation to keep those poor bastards from getting crushed by falling idiots?

Yes. Damn it.

We do.

But you can’t do that by debate.

Debating them only rewards their bad behavior. Debating them only encourages them more. Having a real scientist like Plait engage them in debate automatically elevates their nonsense to legitimacy. When PZ Myers goes after creationists, he gives them equal footing with science.  Again, don’t get me wrong here, those scientists are professionals and I have nothing but respect for people like Michael Shermer – but they should come with the same warning as those Mythbuster Guys, i.e. don’t try this at home. Ever.

And it wouldn’t be necessary if more people would tell these idiots to step off.

The proper response to crazy is: Shut the fuck up.

It’s not for the government to tell people their beliefs have jumped the sharktopus, it’s up to us. Each and every one of us.

Oh, and pick yourselves up a couple of Sharpies.

Tea Parties, Past, Present, and Future (Updated)

Note: Updated addendum beneath the fold.

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From the New World Historipedia, 2110 C.E.

In the early decades of the new century, a popular grassroots movement took hold.

The movement grew out of a general dissatisfaction with those in power at the time, a perception that their nation was declining in power and prestige, that their once dominant currency and technology and culture were fading in comparison to other, inferior nations, and from the ill fortunes of a disastrous war that had been waged for all of the wrong reasons and that had left many of the nation’s youth dead and disfigured and scarred.

Across the nation, small loosely organized groups of political activists disrupted town hall meetings and elections and the business of government. They heckled and hounded and harried officials and stood on street corners shouting their protest.  They staged rallies and conventions and appealed to popular dissatisfaction and a general anger. Their litany of complaints were many and widely varied but in general their organizers denounced the failures of liberalism and the hijacking of the democracy by those they saw as communists or socialists and as corrupt and dishonorable and elitist.  Their concerns included an increased sense of diluted national and cultural identity - for which they blamed an influx of immigrants and foreign influences – a faltering economy, and the perception that those who had not earned their place in society were sapping the strength and will of a great and superior people.

A number of charismatic leaders arose during the first decade of the movement.  In general, these leaders were failed politicians, the disaffected, the rogues, the minimally educated, the local rabble-rousers, who played upon the fears and the base instincts of the general population.  Often they appealed to the population’s lowest common denominator.  Increasingly these leaders blamed ethnic minorities and foreign residents - along with dissidents, liberals, homosexuals, religious minorities, the wealthy, those perceived as decadent or corrupt or immoral including many members of the prevailing political parties, the military, commerce, and industry – for the country’s woes. They denounced the nation’s elected leaders as traitors, communists, usurpers, liberals and as uncaring and uninterested in the plight of the so-called common man. They appealed to the populist desire for a new start, a renewed sense of national identity and purpose, a chicken in every true citizen’s pot through hard work and honest labor, and a purging of the alien in their midst.

These small groups, many and diverse with differing agendas and priorities, eventually merged into a new national political party. At the head of this new party was a populist - attractive, charismatic, and a powerful speaker – who used the new communications technology of that modern age to reach the masses in a manner never seen before, fanning the flames of outrage and discontent and righteous indignation. This titular head of the party wrote a book, a biography of sorts, that outlined much of the movement’s ideology.  The writer became party’s leader in all but name, to the chagrin of others who felt themselves better qualified but lacked the necessary cult of personality, and thousands stood in the cold to hear The Leader speak, to touch a sleeve, to obtain an autograph, a pat on the back, and a picture with their children.  And while The Leader encouraged stalwarts to disrupt the meetings and rallies of the party’s opposition, no dissenting voices were allowed into events where The Leader appeared.  The charismatic leader spoke passionately of taking back the nation for its true people, of common sense, nationalism and the restoration of the country’s pride.  And always, always, there was the message of vigilance, grave and dire warnings about those evil men, subhumans really, who would scheme to steal the country away from its rightful owners, of the terrorists and saboteurs and shadowy unseen enemies, and against the weak and the inferior and the alien and the ungodly.  The crowds roared and cheered and grew and were caught up in the energy and the carefully managed moment that seemed outwardly so spontaneous.

Clumsy and disorganized at first, nevertheless the new party appealed to the common man, the mob, the thugs, and those who felt abandoned by the so-called elites.  They began to influence elections at the local level and it wasn’t long before they began to gain real political power. Their message was a powerful combination of half-truths and popular hysteria, a carefully orchestrated campaign of information warfare that appealed directly to the mob and crushed any appeal to calm and logic. They began to create their own reality.

As their organization increased and their power grew, this new party sought to purge itself of dissenting viewpoints. Though the party billed itself as separate from the reigning political parties of the time, it was made up almost entirely of nationalists who became more and more extreme as time went by, encouraged by their own success and a wave of popular support. The Leader was more and more surrounded by tight group of insiders and became more and more convinced of a manifest destiny. Increasingly mainstream leaders feared to speak out against The Leader, against the Lieutenants, against The Party, moderate and opposing voices were silenced, sometimes violently, branded as traitors and weaklings and counterrevolutionaries.  Parades and rallies drew thousands who came to hear the stirring speakers and revel beneath the flags and ancient icons of their national history – icons co-opted by the movement as sacred and patriotic symbols of the new age.

Ten years after the party organized its first convention, revolution came. 

It began as a night of violence against their own.  A purging of the ranks and consolidation of power into the hands of that single charismatic leader.   Those who would challenge The Leader for ownership of the new party were dragged from their homes in the middle of the night, beaten, and then hanged from the nearest lamppost in an orgy of blood and violence.  Knives flashed and glass shattered. Party stalwarts took their place at the reins of power.  The population took this lesson to heart and remained silent, and perhaps approving, when a month later the party’s thugs began rounding up foreigners and outcasts and undesirables and destroying businesses that they perceived as taking jobs from real citizens.

Then The Leader took full control of the government.

While The Leader spoke of being appointed by God, there were others who spoke of rigged elections and mourned the death of the republic, but they didn’t speak very loudly, barely above a whisper – and for some, even that was too much. It was a dangerous time to speak your mind out loud.

The party’s message was that of small government, of piety and purity, of jobs, home and hearth and family, of strength and pride, of hard work and just rewards, and no handouts to the weak and the poor.  The Leader stood before the nation and gave stirring speeches, promising to empower the poor and downtrodden by removing the crutch of welfare and government handouts.

The poor, freed of their chains, would become self sustaining and productive members of society – or starve.

It didn’t quite work out that way.  The poor, herded into ghettos, stayed poor.  Isolated and alienated and without access to basic services or support, they settled behind the walls into vast islands of misery and poverty and disease. Some rebelled against their condition, they were dealt with. Eventually, something would have to be done, a solution would have to be found.  The party leaders debated long and bitterly about what, exactly, that solution should be. Eventually, somebody proposed labor camps, and the poor were shipped out – work, they were told, would set them free.

Outside of the slums, new cities arouse, shining beacons of light and technology for those who could afford it - or for those who were well placed in the new power structure. For those without power or influence or connections and a party loyalty card, life was not nearly so good.  They were told that they were free and they walked beneath the flapping flags and they heard the patriotic music - but many saw The Leader’s message as a mockery of what once was. Many of those people came to the slow realization that they were living in a dictatorship, a place of violence and fear hidden beneath a thin veneer of civilization.  Their rights were gone, their republic dead, their voices silenced, and they lived in fear of their government and their neighbors and, sometimes, even their own children.

By then, of course, it was far, far too late – and they kept their opinions to themselves.  Many hunkered down and waited for a regime change that would never come, many more attempted to flee across fortified borders – borders that had been walled to keep invaders out were plenty effective at keeping people in too. Walls always work in two directions – a fact that most of the population discovered too late.

Meanwhile the rest of the world looked on in horror and dismay or with gleeful disinterest, depending on which nation did the watching. Many mourned the passing of the old republic and feared what it had become and they took in the refugees until the borders were closed. 

Many knew that one day, very soon, there would be a war to make all others pale in comparison – the weapons of that age guaranteed it.

Very soon the entire world would burn.

 

 

What?

Oh, sorry.

I guess I should have mentioned that I was engaging in a bit of speculation here, a writing exercise, a bit of storytelling, a voice from a hundred years down the road into the future so to speak. Talking in general about how the future might see that certain extremist regime which began as a nationalist movement in Germany in the early 20^th Century, or maybe I was actually talking about that popular revolution in Tsarist Russia around about the same time, or maybe I was actually talking about the fascist revolution in Italy, or maybe the Revolution in France that cost so many their heads, or the one in Iraq that brought Saddam to power…

Why? Who did you think I was talking about?

 

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Addendum

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It’s pretty obvious what I’m implying with this little cautionary tale.

The first part of the story above is true to date, it is the second part (see if you can spot the break) that is the speculative fiction portion - but lifted directly from history.

Frankly this Tea Party insanity scares the shit out of me.

The United States of America has withstood many challenges in the last two centuries, but always it is the internal threats that have come the closest to destroying the ideal of the founders and the nation itself – just as it has in the nations and places I listed in the footnote above.

It always begins this way, small groups of nationalists, low brow fanatics, rabble, the disaffected, the toadies, the religious zealots. 

The complaint is always the same: they are taking our country away. 

The leaders of these organizations are always a fractious lot – because that is the nature of these people, they don’t share, they don’t compromise, they have no intention of sharing or compromising, they’re not in it for idealism they’re in it for the power – eventually, the most powerful will seize control of the party and eliminate the competition, one way or the other.

It always happens at the same time: economic depression, end of a long disastrous war, during a time of political upheaval.

The blame is always the same: liberals, homosexuals, the godless (or worse, the wrong god), the elites, the aristocrats, the decadent, the rich, foreigners.  Someone must be blamed.

The message is always the same: We’re gonna take back what is rightfully ours!

The lies are always the same: revolution will set you free. Revolution will make all men equal. Revolution will make things right.

The rhetoric is always the same and the details are always vague.

When the revolution comes, it is always the same: the liberals, the homosexuals, the godless and those who worship the wrong gods, the elites, the aristocrats, the decadent, the rich, and foreigners are dragged from their homes and hung. Then the other undesirables are rounded up and put into ghettos, or re-education camps, or shallow mass graves.

The new country is always the same: power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Genocide. Totalitarianism. War. Destruction. Collapse.

It is always the same.

I’ve seen it, I’ve been there, Lebanon, Zimbabwe, Bosnia, Somalia, Iraq, it’s always the same.

 

Yes, I know. I’m being alarmist, right? 

The Tea Partiers are simply Americans, they come from all walks of life, they are neither rich nor poor, Democrat nor Republican, liberal nor conservative. They are fed up with Washington. They stand for the Constitution, for smaller government, no taxes, state’s rights. 

Bullshit.

It’s all a lie.

It. Is. All. A. Lie. 

But they’re caught up in it, caught up in the revolution. They can’t seem to see it.  They are overwhelmingly ultra conservatives, white, working class (or unemployed class as the case may be). They’re all the type who pride themselves on common sense and sneer at higher education and the “elites.” They hate the rich and the government and they love their guns.  They are overwhelmingly evangelical Christian. 

If you skim the Neocon curds off the top of the Republican milk, you have the Tea Party.

They are being manipulated. These foolish dupes will be the cannon fodder in this revolution.  Behind the scenes that they have neither the wit nor the wherewithal to see the power is gathering.  Greedy, selfish power. The failed politicians, the rabble-rousers, the extremists are swarming to the leadership of the Tea Party like blow-flies to an open wound.  And that type of leadership is same kind of leadership you always get when the mob forms – the proof is right in front of your face. Look who these people are, and who they aren’t – even the most conservative of the mainstream politicians shied away from this convention.  It is the extremists who are left, the failures, the outcasts, the rogues, the ones who couldn’t cut it, couldn’t get elected or reelected, in the mainstream, and so now they wear their failure like a badge of honor and denounce the very mainstream they once were part of.

If they gain real power, the ending will be the same as it has always been.

Don’t believe me?

Read this:

     THE TRUTH SERUM by Author Thomas N. Tabback  (http://pearlgate.org <http://pearlgate.org/content/tnt.html> )  
On January 15, 2010, in Huntington, IN a gathering of some three hundred American Patriots took the first major step towards restoring our One Nation Under GOD, where Liberty and Justice for the We The People shall reign once more. The Huntington Tea Party hosted a “Stand for Freedom” candidate forum for United States Senate and Indiana General Assembly hopefuls seeking to unseat incumbents this year. However, this was not to be simply another in a long line of well-scripted candidate meet-and-greets, where We The People hear much from the candidates, but come to understand little about where they truly stand. In order that the people would know who had come to vie for their votes, I came to speak before this gathering to issue a challenge to both voters and candidates alike. It was a challenge of Truth, for we must know that we are not placing kings and queens before us, but servants of the people. Watch the video here <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1DIKuOjjZo>  The men who stepped forward to answer the call for One Nation Under GOD, in order, were Richard Behney for U.S. Senate (opposing incumbent Evan Bayh), Andy Lyons for Indiana's 5th District congressional seat, Ron Fusselman for the 50th District state representative seat, Marlin Stutzman for U.S. Senate, Don Bates Jr. for U.S. Senate, and Tom Wall for the 17th District state senate seat. Those who did not step forward, I will not mention. What followed was a prayer for the Lord’s wisdom and guidance, we seven men, hand in hand, along with the entire congregation of voters gathered. We prayed that the Truth would be revealed in these candidates, that we may known the lion for the people among them, for only the Lord knows a man’s heart. Brothers and sisters, this is how We The People reclaim our nation of promise, and restore it to its founding principles. These principles are, unequivocally, rooted in the Lord’s Truth. If we do not pursue this Truth in such a bold and overt manner, then by the hands of strangers, whom we call Senator, Representative and even President, We The People will seal our own fate. We must know these men and woman who stand before us, claiming to be champions for the people, but may in Truth, cleave to the darkness. We must guard and nurture our land of the free and home of the brave, for it is the inheritance of our generations to come. What fruit can grow from seeds sown on bad soil? What tender shoot can survive if left unattended before the thorns and thistles? We need the Light of Truth once more, for then we will know right from wrong and good from evil. It is Truth that neither politics nor ideology, nor any endeavor of man can deliver our nation. These are the things that have gradually pushed our country off the great rock of our foundation, leaving us now precariously dangling over the abyss. It must be the Lord to whom we turn for healing and deliverance. We The People must repent for our desperate and covetous pursuit for the riches of the world, through which we have forfeited the greatest of the Lord’s Commandments, spoken by Christ: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength. Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. Mark 12: 30-31 Therefore, remember and apply this Truth Serum to any who presume to represent us, that we indeed, appoint only those who will in faith and firm resolve, fight to restore our One Nation Under GOD: 

• He or she must fight, incessantly, against any law or policy that destroys Life.
• He or she must fight against law or policy that promotes and encourages the ways of Sodom and Gomorrah.
• He or she must fight against any law or policy requiring We The People to deny Christ The Lord, and makes unwelcome any symbol or expression of our faith in our public square.

  It will not take millions of Americans marching on Washington, DC to restore our nation to its people, but just one American. It will not take millions shouting out in protest, but one who is willing to speak boldly the Truth where most inconvenient. It will not take millions to arise from their slumber, but one, who will see the grass for what it is, who will submit to the Lord’s will, who will dare to challenge the establishment of power, and who will bend no knee to a king. It will not take millions of Americans, but YOU, fully awake, ablaze with courage and confidence in the Lord, to compel the great king and queen to bow before the Lord. Let your voice be the next to boldly proclaim the Truth before any who wish to steward our great nation. Let no man or woman who presumes to represent you deny Truth. Let them step forward in the name of the Lord and stand tall for One Nation Under GOD. Let them testify to their spirit and determination to undo all the wrong that has been done in the name of the world, which their predecessors so faithfully served. Let We The People bear witness to the man or woman of Truth, if there be one among them. Let us beseech the wisdom and revealing spirit of the Lord that we may not merely see, but perceive, not only hear, but understand. It must be that only a candidate of Truth may earn our votes. If no candidate of Truth will come forward, then we must turn to Christ The Lord, and write in His name in their place. In this way, We The People will ensure that Truth, Justice and Liberty will be preserved for our children and many generations to come. God Bless Your New Year And Always Speak The Truth!  

Don’t believe me?

Listen to the speeches, listen to the speakers at the Tea Party convention.

Don’t believe me?

Visit the websites of the Tea Party Nation and read what they have to say. See who they hate. See who they blame. See what they promise.

Then compare them to the revolutionary movements of history, especially the one that began in Germany in the first part of the last century.

If you can’t see the parallels, if it doesn’t alarm you – all of you, everywhere in the world - then you are a fool.

 

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* Tip of the tea cup to Nathan, who forwarded the Tabback screed to me.

One Small Step, One Giant Leap

Forty years ago, on July 20^th 1969, Americans first landed on the Moon.

At UTC20:17 - about quarter after three in the middle of a rainy summer afternoon, there in Michigan where I watched it on my parent’s tiny black and white TV - a fragile spidery spacecraft called Eagle set down on the desolate airless regolith in the lunar Sea of Tranquility. 

Onboard were two extraordinary human beings.

Even as a seven year old kid, I knew just how utterly profound Apollo 11’s mission was. 

Damned near everybody who owned a TV, or knew somebody who owned a TV, or could get themselves to a place with a TV, watched that landing – and those who couldn’t watch listened via radio – and they were still watching and listening a couple hours later when Armstrong and Aldrin floated down that ladder and became the first human beings to stand with their own feet upon the soil of another world. 

It was an unbelievable moment.

It was a moment in time that changed the very world we lived in.

On that night, in that moment, five hundred million Earthmen peered into their TVs and wept at the daring of the species.  Those wavering ghostly images from another world captivated the entire race. Strangers in Times Square spontaneously hugged other strangers.  All over the world, people turned to one another, struck dumb by wonder and amazement.  Others cheered and shouted with joy until their throats were raw.  Stodgy TV commentators broke down unashamedly on live TV.  People stood in their yards and stared at the night sky, at the moon hanging there, and marveled that men walked upon its ancient and sun blasted surface.

They dreamed of how the world would change now that man had finally broken free of the Earth.

They dreamed of becoming spacefarers, of going to Mars and Venus and the moons of Jupiter – and beyond.

They were inspired.

They were awed.

They were humbled.

 

It didn’t last long.

Barely a year later, when Apollo 13 lifted off and shaped orbit for the moon, so few people tuned in to follow that voyage the networks canceled their coverage of the mission, and substituted sitcoms and laxative commercials instead.  Americans were already bored with space, lost as they were in the horror of Vietnam, the ever present nuclear sword of Damocles hanging over their heads, civil unrest, OPEC, and Richard Millhouse Nixon.  Interest roused briefly when one of Odyssey’s oxygen tanks exploded and it looked like three Americans would die on their way home from the moon.  It didn’t happen, of course, and that brief flare of interest faded into the background of South East Asia and the Cold War and the energy crisis and the rapidly souring cultural revolution and the myriad of other things that made up the churning chaos of those decades.

All in all, NASA landed six tiny ships on the moon.  In two years, two short years, it was over.

Twelve men walked briefly upon the surface of another world.  None stayed and none have ever returned.

Nor are they likely to.

The reasons, of course, are many and varied.

Personally I think it’s a lack of vision.  A lack of hope. Of inspiration.  We Americans once dared greatly, we once revered those who dared and flew and dreamed. We were proud of those extraordinary men, and we dreamed that ourselves or our children would one day follow in their footsteps. There was a time when America was captivated by the moon, by Mars, by space, by adventure, by destiny.  There was a time when pictures of fanciful and speculative spaceships, each with an American flag and the NASA logo displayed proudly upon its shining hull plates, graced the covers of Time and the front pages of the Wall Street Journal.  There was a time when every failure was ours as a nation to bear, we knew that space was a dangerous place, and each setback only redoubled our resolve.  Oh certainly there were those who didn’t believe, who didn’t dream, who didn’t want to go, who told us to keep our feet on the ground and our heads in the sand and bemoaned how NASA’s budget could better be used here, on Earth, rather than up there in the sky. They were shouted down.

But, no more. 

See, Apollo, for all its daring, for all its astounding achievement, was little more than a stunt.

We did what we set out to do, and we did it well.

But we went to the Moon for all the wrong reasons.

It’s right there, on the side of the Eagle’s descent stage, still up there, still hanging over our heads in the night sky, as bright and as shining as that day in July, 1969 when it was carried to the moon by two extraordinary Americans:

Here men from the planet Earth first set foot upon the moon

July, 1969

We came in peace, for all mankind

But, of course, we didn’t.

Come in peace, I mean. Or for all mankind either, for that matter.

We went to the moon to show the Soviets that we could.  We went to the moon as a strategic move, a front in one of the many battles of the Cold War.  We went to the moon because even at a cost of a hundred billion dollars it was still one hell of a lot cheaper than using any of the those nuclear bombs we’d built and pointed at each other.

And we won.

We beat the Ruskies.

We set a goal, and we reached it.

And then we came home and we lost interest within a year, distracted by other battles, by other fronts.

See, governments don’t dream.  Nations don’t dream.

Rarely do governments inspire. It is not nations who explore, who seek the limits of human endurance, who push on over the horizon.  It is not governments who quest or go a-Viking or chase adventure on alien shores simply for the sheer joy of it. There is no government existent, ours included, that has the will and the stamina and the intestinal fortitude to break free of this world and journey to the stars.  Governments are subject to the whim of the mob, and the mob doesn’t give a damn about outer space.

The great explorations of history were never government enterprises.  If left to government Shackleton would still be waiting for funding, his ship The Endurance would be the size of an aircraft carrier and hold no more than three explorers.  If left to government, Columbus would still be tied to the pier, pending a review by Congressional subcommittee of his navigational skills and while the fitting out of Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria kept 10,000 defense contractors employed for the next three decades.  Stanley would have no trouble finding Livingston, because Livingston would never have gone anywhere – and the source of the Nile would still be unknown. 

Governments don’t explore.

Governments conquer. Governments grandstand and stage stunts. Governments argue and bicker and wage war. Some are good and some are bad and some are indifferent.

But they don’t explore.

It is human beings who explore. Individuals of courage and daring and burning passion and enterprise.

It is private corporations who explore, hunting profit and new markets and assets and resources.

If we are ever to truly break free from the bonds of this world, we must first get government out of the business of space travel. 

Governments own ships for one reason, to protect the interests of their citizen upon the high seas.  Governments send warships to sea, and law enforcement vessels, and vessels for safety, rescue, and navigation.  Until there is need for such ships in space, i.e. until there are civilian and private vessels in significant volume, there is no need for government to build ships of its own.

The internet is a twitter with the news today.  President Obama’s 2011 budget essentially ends America’s time as a space faring nation. 

If you didn’t see this coming, you’re a fool.

The Constellation program has been doomed from the start.  Hell, the Constellation program has been doomed since July 20^th, 1969.  We’ve been there, we’ve done that – and America as a nation wasn’t interested in continuing when we had the hardware and the resources, what makes you think we’ll do it now when we have to recreate the entire infrastructure at a hundred or a thousand times the cost? Access to space hasn’t gotten cheaper or less complex, just the opposite in fact. The age of daring, of the test pilot astronaut is over – it’s the age of the bean counter.  Constellation has always been underfunded, organized by committee after endless committee, awash in adminstrivia and paperwork and government bullshit – and really, it was never more than a political gambit by an uninspired and uninspiring twit of an anti-science President who tried to pull a do-over of JFK but couldn’t motivate his own Administration let alone galvanize the nation (maybe he should have gotten himself assassinated right after the speech announcing America’s return to the moon, or found terrorists hiding on Mars.  But I digress). 

Constellation has always been doomed.

Constellation has always been doomed because governments don’t explore. Bean counters and bureaucrats don’t explore. Because when Congress runs your space program, indeed any program, you are doomed from the start.

I’ve said here and elsewhere that I never expected a single human being to ride Ares into orbit.  I have never expected to see Orion falling between the worlds, or Altair standing on the moon.  When NASA unveiled the program and we got our first glimpse of a Shuttle SRB with what was essentially an Apollo capsule on top I knew I was looking at the Flying Dutchman of space programs, cursed to rounding the Congressional moon forever. Building a rocket to the moon isn’t going to be any cheaper or more efficient or be any longer term now than it was the first time we did it. 

We need something new. Something better. Something inspired.

Those who know me, know that I am an unabashed space nut.  I grew up with Mercury, Gemini, Apollo and Skylab.  When NASA named the first Shuttle Enterprise I was ecstatic (until I learned later that it was little more than an empty wasted gesture). I grew up reading Heinlein and Asimov and Clarke and Niven. I grew up dreaming that I would someday go to the stars.  I’ve waited for forty years to look into the night sky and see the lights of Luna City shining back at me from the darkened crescent of Tycho Crater.  I’ve turned on the TV every day for the last four decades hoping to see men and women setting foot upon Mars the way I saw Armstrong and Aldrin do on that night so long ago.

It pains me so much to know we’ve squandered our legacy, that in my lifetime human beings may never set foot again upon another world, indeed maybe ever, that’ll I cheer any human endeavor that returns us as a species to space and to the moon and beyond – even if those who do it are Chinese or Indian or Russian.

I’ve known for some time that America will not return to the moon, will not go to Mars,  will not explore the solar system let alone go beyond it, not while the dreams and hopes and spirit of exploration are held captive in squabbling congressional subcommittees.  It will not happen when the bean counters and administrators smother the spirit of human endeavor like a B-movie alien slime mold. It will not happen as long as we leave it up to government. It will not happen as long as we leave it to these people:

Sen. Richard C. Shelby (R-AL), "The president's proposed NASA budget begins the death march for the future of U.S. human space flight. The cancellation of the Constellation program and the end of human space flight does represent change, but it is certainly not the change I believe in."

Sen. Bill Nelson (D-FL.), "The president's green-eyeshade-wearing advisers are dead wrong. And I, for one, intend to stand up and fight for NASA, and for the thousands of people who stand to lose their jobs."

Shelby doesn’t give the contents of a NASA urine bag about the future of human space flight, the cancellation of Constellation, like Iraq or 911 or Wall Street, is simply another opportunity to advance partisan politics. Nothing more.  Shelby’s constituents in Huntsville make up a significant fraction the NASA workforce, if they didn’t you can damned well bet that his interest in the future of human space flight would be exactly nil.  The same with Nelson.  To Senators and Congressmen, Constellation, indeed all of NASA, is nothing more than a cash cow.  A endless source of money that nobody expects success or results from. 

Don’t get me wrong here.  NASA does some wonderful science.  NASA pays direct dividends back to the American public every day, in increased air safety, in advanced technology, in aeronautics, in engineering, in medicine, and many fields far too numerous to name.

NASA does many things well.

But not manned spaceflight. Not exploration. Not commercial ventures.  And sure as hell not profit.

That’s right, I said profit.

Congress should be cheering Obama’s “capitalist” approach to space exploration.  Republicans especially should be applauding the president for his repudiation of socialist space travel (Well, what do you call it when the government owns all the ships?), his slashing of wasteful government spending and pie in the sky government programs, and his market driven approach to space exploration.

See, by law, the one thing our government can’t do is make a profit. 

But private space companies can.

And if we are ever to make space travel a self-sustaining endeavor, then we must make a profit doing it. 

We must privatize space travel and return government to its proper role in such things.  And what is that, you ask? The same role that government has always had in exploration; as a customer and as a provider of grants, bankrolls, support, advice, tax breaks, access to data and knowledge and research and technology - and an eventual share in the spoils. NASA should be Space University, a place of research and development and education, a place where we train citizen astronauts to fly and float and live and prosper beyond our own little world.  A place where we teach our children how to build spacecraft and habitats and hardware.  A place where we teach spacemen how to manage the business of space, of exploration, of construction and funding and exploitation of the new frontier.  A place were civilian, government, and military people develop standardized engines and components and software and a place where we can rent time in the wind tunnels and weightless pools, on the rocket test stands and in the vomit comet. A place where we teach our kids to dream, to push the boundaries of the human spirit, and to seek beyond the far horizon.

If we as a species are to survive, if we as human beings are to reach our ultimate potential, if we as Americans and our allies and partners and friends are to ever break free from of this tiny little world, then we must get government out of space exploration while we still have a chance.

Killing Constellation may end America’s manned space program, but it opens the doors for Americans.

NASA’s vision is limited to the space station.

For the rest of us, the sky is the limit.

Governments don’t explore, but if they do the job right their citizens do.

Ask Stonekettle Station

Today’s search phrase:

How do I crack corn with a dado blade?

How do I crack corn with a … ?

This is a dado blade:

It’s for making dados (a wide slot, usually to fit another board into for joinery) in wood.

It goes on a machine called a tablesaw:

 

How do I crack corn with a dado blade?

Wow, you got me.  I can’t even come up with a smart assed answer for that.

 

 

I’ve got no more idea how to crack corn with a tablesaw than I know how to make a cheese log with a router.

If you ever figure it out, Stumpy, be sure to have your caregiver drop me an email.

I’m Feeling Much Better Really

The American Healthcare System is an abomination.

It ought to come with a Surgeon General’s warning:

Caution, the American Healthcare System is so completely fucked up that attempting to use it will result in massive hypertension, stroke, burst blood vessels in your eyes, swearing, depression, drinking, recreational self medication, the throwing of objects and the kicking of small dogs, thoughts of suicide, and the possible commission of serial murder from a rooftop with a high powered sniper rifle. These symptoms are over and above whatever the hell ailed you in the first place. Really, don’t get sick. Ever.

As you know, I spent the majority of my life in the military. As such I never needed to deal with health insurance. If I got sick or injured or otherwise required medical care, I went to the base clinic or the ship’s doctor and it got taken care of. No muss, no fuss, no worries, no bullshit, no paperwork, no deductibles.  You go to the clinic, you say, “Hi, I’m sick,” and they point you at some kind of medical professional.

Now that I’m a civilian I get to deal with civilian health care. Yay me.

I mean, seriously here, I’m covered medically about as well as you can be without actually owning your own hospital.  I’ve got full military retiree coverage, I’ve got full and extensive veteran’s benefits (think military retiree and veteran are the same thing? Think again, two totally separate things, two totally separate systems). I’m covered by my wife’s extensive insurance.  AND I’m staring a civil service job with full benefits today.  So, you know, I thought this would be a good thing. I thought I’d get choices.  I thought it would be better.

I was mistaken, try to contain your smug looks.

Oh, don’t get me wrong here.  I do get choices.  I’ve got insurance coming out the wahzoo – hell, my wahzoo is covered about five different ways providing I get prior authorization to see a wahzoo specialist if I feel that my wahzoo is in need of medical attention. There’s nothing wrong with the medical care, the medical care is fine – it’s all the other bullshit you have to go through to get to the doctors in the first place.

It’s the health insurance process that is the problem. It’s the fact the 90% of the people who have anything to do whatsoever with your healthcare aren’t, actually, medical people – they are healthcare administrators.  I mean, sure, why shouldn’t the surly little dipshit with the two year accounting degree from the local junior college decide which medical procedure is right for me, instead of say the guy who is actually a fucking doctor? Really, why shouldn’t some random minimum wage office drone second guess the doctor with decades of medical experience and expertise and decide to change my prescription to something else? I mean according to Jenny McCarthy basically anybody can be an expert on pharmacology, right?

The efficiency of any organization is measured in the ratio of people who work to the people who administer.  Those who can, do. Those who can’t, end up in administration. When the percentage of administers in an organization passes .05% – the organization begins to resemble a dog with heartworms (and the dog has a better chance of seeing a real doctor than you do).   The human race has produced a lot of worthless shit over the centuries, but the evolution of the professional administrator as got to be pretty damned close to the single most ridiculous idea we’ve ever had (the most ridiculous is, of course, the professional religious leader, followed closely, literally and figuratively, by the professional politician). These people are parasites.  I’m fairly sure the professional administrator has killed more people than all the nuclear bombs ever built, used, or contemplated – yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying, the professional administrator is more dangerous than weapons of mass destruction and is far more likely to bring about our extinction as a species than anything dreamed up in secret government weapons laboratories.

We don’t need to overhaul health care, we need to seriously overhaul health insurance and healthcare administration.  I think we should start by randomly shooting insurance executives into outer space (and more on that particular idea tomorrow), but I’d settle for busting a few kneecaps with metal pipes.  I wonder what Tanya Harding is doing these days besides B-porn boxing and Celebrity Squares?  Maybe she’d like a job, frankly the woman scares the shit out of me and I’m sure she’d put the fear of God into a few healthcare executives.

It doesn’t surprise me at all that it is the insurance companies and the hospital administrators who are fighting healthcare reform tooth and nail, they’ve made a multi-billion dollar industry out of making sure you don’t get access to the doctors or the drugs in the first place. They don’t want the process of healthcare simplified. Why in the hell would they want to see a public option national health care system that guarantees access?  If anybody can get access to healthcare when they need it, most of these people would be out of a job pretty damned quick.  It’s like politicians voting for actual enforcement of the ethics laws or Pauly Shore campaigning for intelligence in acting.  Simplified universal access to health care is contrary to everything the Healthcare Industry stands for. 

Seriously, healthcare in this country is like some kind of sick joke (ba dum bump). Trying to understand the so-called process is like listening to one of those old Monty Python sketches with John Cleese as some tight assed functionary explaining the arcane workings of a ridiculously made up bureaucracy to a confused and bleeding Eric Idle.

Idle: Ahh excuse me.

Cleese: Uh hmmmm, just a minute.

Idle: Don’t mean to be a bother, but I’m bleeding rather profusely ‘ere.

Cleese: I said, just a moment if you please.

Idle: Now I’m getting dizzy. Mother dear, is that you?

Cleese: Oh for pity sake, what is it?

Idle: I think I might ‘ave nicked an artery.

Cleese: Well, let’s just take a look at it then, shall we?  Oh, that doesn’t look good at all. I rather think you might die.

Idle: Whot?

Cleese: Yes, I’m afraid we can’t help you. You’re a goner. You’ll be pushing up daisies as they say in no time.

Idle: But isn’t this a doctor’s office?!

Cleese: Hmmm, so it is. And we prefer the term “Health Care Provider,” or “The Insurance Providers Who Say Nee!”

Idle: Nee?

Cleese: It means “no.”

Idle: And what are you? 

Cleese: I’m the “Health Care Denier.”

Idle: Oh, isn’t that clever.  Look, me life’s leakin outta me veins here! Shouldn’t I see the doctor then?

Cleese: Well, one doesn’t just waltz in off the street and go right to see the doctor. There are forms to fill out, procedures to be taken care of. You haven’t even stood in line yet.

Idle: But I’m bleedin’!

Cleese: Yes, so you say. First things first.  Do you have any insurance?

Idle: Yes! Gobs of it!

Cleese: Well, perhaps you’ll live after all.  Now let’s see…yes, I’ll need to see two forms of identification, one with a picture of your mother on it, and one from a one legged Asian man named Steve. I’ll need need a sample of your pet’s DNA.  Your insurance card and proof of continuous enrollment in the specified plan for a minimum of three years without a claim. We’ll need proof that this so-called bleeding isn’t a pre-existing condition.  You’ll need to designate a primary, secondary, and tertiary insurance provider. We’ll need three photocopies, all of which must be certified and attested by a small man named…Tim, who lives upon the highest peak of the Andes. Climb the mountain, don’t forget you galoshes.

Idle: Do you think I’m daft?

Cleese: I should think that would be obvious.

Idle: I just need a couple of stitches!

Cleese: Stitches? Don’t you think you should let some faceless bureaucrat in a tall office building in another state decide that?

Idle: I’ll settle for a wad of gauze and a roll of duct tape!

Cleese: I’m afraid that’s not part of your summary of benefits. However, we can provide a tourniquet and a very nice pine box - if you have prior authorization from your insurance carrier.

Idle: Whot?

Cleese: Well, it is an unusual procedure.

Idle: Stopping the bleeding is unusual?

Cleese: Around here it certainly is.

Idle: Say, maybe I’ll just pop over to Canada and have this looked at, eh?

Cleese: Well you can’t leave now.

Idle: I’m feeling much better, really.

Cleese: No you’re not, you’re not fooling anyone.

 

It’d be funny, if it wasn’t, you know, a matter of life and death.

Tomorrow we’ll take a serious look at health care reform. 

Taking A Pass At Real ID (updated)

[update: I’ve updated this post to reflect some additional thoughts. Those changes are bracketed and in blue font and are notated with the word “update.”  Additionally I’ve corrected a number of typos and grammatical errors – and I’ll correct more as they are detected.  //Jim]

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I’ve been asked several dozen times in recent weeks what I think of the so-called Real-ID act.

The short answer is: I’m not entirely opposed to it.

The longer answer, however, is that while I think the intention of Real ID is sound, its method of adoption into law without public discourse and review by our elected representatives is totally unacceptable. The act, as originally written, leaves a lot of questions unanswered and failed to address the legitimate concerns of American citizens and lawful foreign guests in this country. And because of its vagueness, the Real ID act has given rise to some completely unhinged hysteria within the ranks both conservatives and liberals alike, if for different reasons (Believe me, researching this subject was an exercise in batshit crazy in many cases. Whoa). However, the Department of Homeland Security has, since 2005, done a credible job of addressing the legitimate concerns of the American population and the Final Rule as it stands right now is, for the most part, a workable compromise.

Real-ID, for those of you not familiar with the subject, is a federal law that requires states to comply with specific guidelines for security, authentication, and issuing procedures for state driver’s licenses and state issued ID cards. Only identification that complies with Real-ID standards will be accepted by federal agencies as legitimate. Specific examples of where Real-ID compliant identification would be required are things like commercial air travel and entering federal buildings. Additionally the law implements a number of other identification related actions, such as: Changing work visa limits for specific groups and professions, creates new rules governing “delivery bonds” (which are like bail bonds but for accused non-citizens who have been released pending trial), updates and tightens regulations regarding application for asylum and deportation (specifically those accused here or abroad of terrorist activity), and waves existing laws that limit or interfere with the construction of barriers at border crossings. Because of the controversy surrounding the act, implementation was delayed until 2008 and then pushed back until 2013 (which is where it stands right now). Congress may repeal or modify the law with a new proposal called Pass-ID, proposed by the Obama administration and supported by a number in Congress on both sides of the aisle.

Much of the controversy surrounding Real-ID comes from how it became law. The act, which originated in the House as H.R. 418, was introduced by James Sensenbrenner (R-WI). It passed the House, but then went stagnant. Not to to be deterred, Sensenbrenner then attached it as a rider, 368-58, to H.R. 1268, the Emergency Supplemental Appropriations Act for Defense, the Global War on Terror, and Tsunami Relief, 2005. Because of the emergency nature of H.R. 1268 (the bill provided money for combat troops in both Iraq and Afghanistan and opposition was seen as unpatriotic), there was considerable pressure on Congress to get it passed. The Real-ID rider was not discussed in any detail either by Congress or in public review. The Senate passed the joint House-Senate conference report with a vote of 100 Yes and 0 Opposed and the 109th Congress forwarded it to the president for signature. President George W. Bush. signed H.R. 1268 and the Real ID Act into law on May 11, 2005.

An HTML version of the pertinent portions of the Final Rule and its amendments as they stand right now, can be found here, on the Department of Homeland Security website. Note: There are a number of versions of the Real-ID Act text floating around the Internet. The HomeSec version I’ve linked to is the version you want to read. The Secretary of Homeland Security is responsible for implementing the rule and this is the final version, including responses to public comments, that HomeSec is operating under. The other versions are irrelevant, so is arguing about them.

Your papers please, mein herr!

The principle opposition to Real-ID seems to be the sentiment that it creates a national identification card, reminiscent of Nazi Germany or the Soviet Union. Naturally, American are repulsed by this idea.

There is some small grain of truth to this notion – but most of it is based on hysteria, and any similarity to the “papers” issued by the Nazis or the Soviets is purely superficial.

Real ID compliant licenses and ID’s would not be issued by the federal government, but by your state of residence, exactly the same as they are right now and always have been. The difference being that the state agency issuing them will be required to adhere to strict federal guidelines for issuance and identification of the person receiving the identification.

In principle, this is no different than the American Express, Visa, or Debit cards in your wallet right now. It is no different from the checks you carry in your checkbook. Each are issued by your local bank of choice, but they all are required to comply with basic federal banking standards for format, personal information, identification, standardization, security, and machine readability. Any credit card or check that does not comply with these standards cannot and will not be accepted by any federally issued institution. And it’s the same here, Real ID does not dictate in any way where you live or limit your right to move about as you please. It does limit your access to certain forms of transportation and certain federal buildings – exactly the same as identification does now. You cannot board a plane now without proper ID – and frankly if you can’t identify yourself, or there is some question of who you actually are, I don’t want your ass on the plane with me and my family. I have to present proper identification to access a military base. You have to present ID to visit your mother in prison, or enter the court building to post her bail, or to get married, or to cash a check, or when you get pulled over for acting like an idiot on the road. Real ID doesn’t change any of that at all, not one iota other than to mandate that the identification you present complies with certain standards. And in fact, because of those standards and the fact that Real ID moves the onus of verification to agencies specifically delegated to perform that task, it speeds up the process of identification in places where it’s required – say like the security line at the airport. Your name comes up on the No-Fly list by accident, how do you prove that you’re not that guy in a timely fashion? You don’t, now. But with a Real ID card it’s a simple matter and you don’t even have to sit in a holding cell while they figure it out. That’s one example, there are many more.

The standards imposed by Real ID would require issuing agencies to verify the identity of each person receiving an ID through birth certificates, social security numbers, proof of residence, and proof of legal status for non-citizens, and an electronic photo. The issued Real ID compliant card, at a minimum, must include the person’s full name, signature, data of birth, gender, driver’s license number or identification card number. It also includes a digital photograph of the person's face and the address of principal residence. It is required to have physical security features designed to prevent tampering, counterfeiting, or duplication of the document for fraudulent purposes. Additionally, each card must be machine readable using a common technology as specified by the department of homeland security.

Now, few of these requirements are anything new. The requirement to present proof of identification, i.e. birth certification and so on, is required in almost all states as part of the initial driver’s licensing process that most 16-year olds go through. And if it’s not, it should be. Seriously here, I don’t get the complaint – the one that says Real ID requirements will make it harder for people to obtain fraudulent driver’s licenses and that’s somehow a bad thing. Oddly the people screaming the loudest about this are the same ones jumping on the “Obama isn’t a real American because he hasn’t shown his real birth certificate” bandwagon. They’re also the people pissing and moaning the loudest about all the illegal immigrants flooding our country with state driver’s licenses and fake American id’s. Illegal immigrants and criminals and, yes, terrorists, and other such types seek out states with lax standards, they have networks and webpages that point others in the right direction. Those opposed to Real-ID are the same people most opposed to illegal immigration, a dichotomy I find curious. The hypocrisy is obvious, they want strict laws and standards of identification for funny looking foreign people, but not for themselves.

I see absolutely nothing wrong or unconstitutional about requiring states to make positive identification before issuing an ID card. In fact, I’m all for it. [update: allow me to say that I’m not sure that Real-ID as it stands right now will accomplish that. I have strong doubts about it]

Privacy

Another major point of opposition is the the requirement that Real ID cards be “machine readable.”

A large number of conspiracy types and those prone to the hysteria spawned by radio talk show hosts take this to mean each card will contain an RFID (Radio Frequency ID) chip similar to those used in anti-theft tags and contemplated for use in the new US passports. RFID chips can be read from a distance using a scanner like those anti-theft gateways you see in the exits of Wal-Mart and Home Depot. The concern here is twofold: 1) the government can track real-ID cards without the owner’s knowledge simply by placing RFID readers at critical places, and 2) a criminal with a scanner could lift your information and steal your ID without you even knowing it simply by scanning a crowd from a distance.

In the first case, I’ve got news for you, the government can track your ass now. Any competent law enforcement agency or private investigator or the National Security Agency can pull up your credit card transactions or the location of your cell phone or the location of your On-Star equipped SUV and figure out what you’re up to with little or no trouble at all. There are other methods. Very, very few Americans nowadays don’t leave electronic tracks in the system. Trust me here, I used to do this for a living. If the government wants to track your every movement, they will with or without RFID. [update: but the truth of the matter is that in most cases you simply aren’t as interesting as you think you are. The government has neither the interest nor the manpower nor the assets to track every citizen.] 

In the second case, any criminal who wants to steal your ID can do so now. ID theft is easy. There are a hundred ways to do it, thousands. Real ID and RFID doesn’t make it any easier, but it might in fact actually make it harder. If your ID requires a PIN or thumbprint to access for example, just like your ATM card. [update: what I mean here is that I’d be more supportive of Real-ID or any federally mandated identification program if the cards contained technology similar to public/private encryption. Think of how safety deposit boxes work, you need both the bank’s key and your own key to access the contents.  I’d be more supportive of Real ID cards if they required some kind of key on the owner’s part to unlock the data, like a PIN does for an ATM card]

And while we’re on the subject of RFID, there is a rather vocal bunch that takes the phrase “machine readable” in the Real-ID Act to mean the government is going to inject RFID chips into all American citizens, the way you’d chip a pet. I’ve actually seen online petitions that you can sign to protest this, nonexistent, course of action. That’s ridiculous and there is no, repeat no, initiative to chip citizens – though another vocal bunch does advocate chipping for immigrants.

Here’s the kicker folks, the Real-ID Act specifies that Real-ID compliant identification be “machine readable” only, and leaves the implementation up to DHS. DHS in the Final Rule has specified that the machine readable technology incorporated into the cards will be a standard barcode – which more than 40 states already include on their licenses.

What will be included in the barcode? Only the information on the front of the license, i.e. name, address, age, license number, and so on. This allows a cop to scan the card and verify that the information on the front matches the barcode information and that the ID hasn’t been tampered with.

No word yet from the conspiracy nuts on whether or not they think the government will be branding us with barcodes.

The Mark of the Beast

I suppose this is as good a place as any to address another bit of lunacy.

A rather large number of folks are convinced that President Obama is, indeed, the actual biblical Anti-Christ as foretold in the Book of Revelations. They are convinced that Real-ID will be a form of universal identification as also foretold. This is where the RFID implantation paranoia comes from, so far as I can tell. These folks are convinced that “Obama will have a chip implanted in our hands or foreheads,” i.e. the mark of the Beast. Once that’s done, well, you know what comes next – The End Times.

I actually know people who believe this. No, really believe this. They are deathly afraid that The End Times are upon us, Obama is the Anti-whoois, and the Rapture and last battle are coming. They are frightened to death. Absolutely terrified. Nothing I can say will convince them otherwise.

These people are nuts.

I don’t know any other way to put it. They are just plain goofy. I cannot respect their beliefs in any way. I can barely listen to it without laughing in their faces.

They’re not alone however, the internet is full of them. The churches are full of them. Click on that link, over one hundred million sites worldwide dealing with this exact subject.

There is no chip.

There is no mark.

None of this was President Obama’s idea – and, in fact, the Real ID act was proposed by a staunch Conservative, passed by a Conservative majority Congress, and signed into law by Conservative Devoutly Fundamentalist Christian President – all long before Obama took office. President Obama is, in point of fact, opposed to the Real ID act and his administration has proposed a much less stringent modification to the law called Pass ID which would repeal nearly every facet of Real ID that that the fundamentalists have a problem with.

If anything, the religious end-times fearing types should be supporting President Obama.

But, when you’re cowering under the bed, pissing your jammies over made up bogeymen in the closet, I guess there’s not much I can say to convince you to act like a rational adult, is there?

Bottom line, this entire argument of the Anti-Christ and the Mark of the Beast is silly childish bullshit that needs not be entertained in the discussion of Real-ID.

Final Thoughts

There are legitimate concerns here:

Cost. Implementation of Real-ID requirements is projected to cost anywhere between $11 billion and $50 billion for start up and billions to maintain annually – per state. States don’t have the money. Hell, California alone could go bankrupt attempting implement this program with their vast number of drivers – and huge population of illegal immigrants. There is federal money available however, to help offset some of the cost. DHS has specified a staggered implementation of the program, i.e. only those most likely to have false ids based solely on age (16-50) will be required to get a Real ID at first, the rest of the population at a later date. There are other methods to defray the cost of startup, as outlined in the Final Rule.

Cost. It is very likely that a large amount of the cost will be transferred directly to the those attempting to get new licenses and ID’s. The cost of a driver’s license is likely to double. Some believe this will place an undue burden on the already overtaxed poor.

Privacy. There is a significant concern regarding the security of information contained in interlinked national databases. Anyone with access, literally tens maybe hundreds of thousands of state and federal employees across the nation, would have access to all the information. A single unscrupulous individual could steal or access the personal information of millions. The probability of this happening is almost 100%. [update, Vince, who is an expert on database implementation, has a response to this exact issue up on his own site, Reality Is Frequently Inaccurate, that deals specifically with database vulnerabilities and why this alone should kill Real-ID dead in its tracks. It’s definitely worth the read.]

Privacy. Currently certain states allow issue of licenses without certain personal information such as addresses in order to protect victims of domestic abuse. The Real-ID act makes no similar provision.

Religious Freedom. Currently all states allow an exemption to the photo ID requirement on the grounds of religious belief, i.e certain Muslim sects do not allow woman to expose their faces for pictures. These people are exempt from having a picture on their license. The Real ID act makes no similar provision.

Increased Wait. It is unlikely, at least at first, that you will be able to get a license on the same day you apply for it. Verification of your documentation will likely take several days, or even weeks and could end up being similar to applying for a passport. This period may diminish over time as the system becomes more streamlined, then again it may not.

Totalitarianism. Many, many folks see Real ID as a gateway to a national ID. They worry that even if the current law is reasonable and the intention behind it is from the best of motives, there will be those who, with the best of intentions or even for nefarious purposes, expand the system into a pervasive program that governs all aspect of our lives. From gun registration and ownership, to regulating who can buy cigarettes, to tracking what we eat and buy and wear and watch. Some have expressed concern that the nation will divide into those who have Real-ID and those who do not, those who can access government or private services and those who cannot. They fear that like social security numbers, Real-ID might expand far beyond its original intention and become a requirement simply to be an American.

They very well may be right.

Adequate safeguards must be put in place to address these concerns. I don’t think they’re there yet. They may never be.

There are many more concerns, some major, some minor, some real, some completely imagined. The ACLU, whatever you think of them, has a very good breakdown of all these issues here.

As I said at the beginning of this post, I’m not entirely opposed to Real ID. I think the current hodge-podge of state licensing is long, long overdue for an overhaul and standardization. I expect my government to provide certain protections to its citizens, one of those being that the guy sitting next to my son on an airplane is really Bob Winkle of Smelly Cheese, Wisconsin and not Jugdish Almeani, terrorist fanatic from Bumfuckastan here in this country illegally and with malice in his heart. I think the arguments that Real ID makes it too hard to get fake ids or cheat on your taxes or is the mark of some bogeyman from the depths are stupid and silly and deserve no respect whatsoever. I do think think that costs, and privacy, and limitations to the program are significant and legitimate concerns. I think the concern that Real ID might further exacerbate the divide between the haves and the have-nots is a very real and very likely outcome – you can see it happening right now with those who can’t afford a cell phone, or don’t use debit cards, or don’t have a fixed address, or have no access to the internet.

I’d be interested in hearing what you think, all of you, both the regular commenters and the many of you who lurk around this site without joining in. I’m interested in what those of you who are not Americans think, and what systems of identification you use – I see a number of regular readers from Canada and Australia and Germany and the UK and Mexico and I’m interested in your opinion.

Please feel free to comment.

[update: understand something here, I am not advocating for the implementation of Real-ID. This post may appear that I am.  I’m not. I simply wanted to write an article and examine the issue free of the hysteria and false information that is common to this topic.

As it currently stands I’m against Real-ID.  I’m not against the idea, however I don’t think it can be properly implemented.

I’m against it primarily because I don’t think the program can adequately protect the privacy and personal information of the population. And in fact, for exactly the reasons Vince described in his post (linked to above and in the comments section) I don’t think the Real-ID databases can ever  be secured to any reasonable degree. Implementation as it stands right now is robbing Peter to pay Paul. The costs (both monetary and personal liberty wise) to implement and maintain the program far, far outweigh the benefits at this point.  Frankly I don’t think we’re getting enough bang for our buck.

I don’t think that Real-ID does anything whatsoever to protect the average American against terrorism, which is the entire justification for it in the first place and its only reason for existence.

However, say the process does increase the safety of the average American with regards to terrorist actions and maybe cuts down on some illegal immigration issues (for the sake of argument, not that I actually think it will do either), it absolutely will make the average American more vulnerable to domestic crimes such as ID theft. And in the final analysis the vast majority of Americans are far, far more likely to be the victims of domestic crime than they ever are of foreign or even domestic terrorism. 

America has terrorism on the brain, we need to get over it.

As to the concept of a National ID, frankly I don’t give a fig. I don’t understand the hysteria, and I don’t see how a National ID is any different whatsoever than the Military ID I carry in my wallet or my state Driver’s License]

Cybersecurity 2009

In the Navy we used to have a lot of inspections.

Inspections, of course, aren’t unique to the Navy, they are a common occurrence in any branch of military service.

In the Navy we had uniform inspections, zone inspections, maintenance inspections, readiness inspections, equipment inspections, weapons inspections, security inspections, classified materials inspections, pre-deployment inspections, engineering inspections, fire and safety inspection, medical inspections, required publications inspections, and, well, hell, we had a lot of inspections.

Periodically, we’d also do something called a Health and Comfort inspection. A H&C is where senior NCO’s inspect the personal belongings of each junior member of the crew and the crew’s living quarters. The senior petty officers and the Chiefs would go through each crewman’s locker, both coffin and stand-up, their rack (a Sailor’s bunk area), and sometimes even require that a Sailor turn out his or her pockets. The senior Petty Officers were inspected by the Chiefs, the Chiefs by the Officers, the Officers by the Executive Officer and the XO by the Captain. (Generally, the Captain doesn’t get subjected to a H&C, rank hath its privileges after all – though if it became necessary that inspection would be conducted by the squadron Commodore.)

In an H&C inspection what we’re looking for is contraband. Drugs and alcohol, unauthorized weapons, hazardous materials, stolen property, health concerns, and like that. Sometimes a Health and Comfort inspection is announced in advance, but most times an H&C is conducted as a surprise inspection. All H&C’s turn up something. When I was an instructor at the Naval Technical Training Center in Pensacola, the command ordered an H&C of the student barracks for the first time in years (the Navy was undergoing a major post-Tailhook overhaul at the time). The pile of illicit booze stacked up in the courtyard was taller than my head and twenty feet in diameter. The pile of weapons was almost as big. The pile of sex toys and pornography was equally impressive (Contrary to popular belief, pornography is not permitted in Navy barracks, especially post Tailhook). The biggest pile of all was the heap of unauthorized electronics, everything from electric razors to computers to TVs and game stations and especially hot plates and coffee makers. It’s not that you can’t have such things in a Navy barracks room, it’s that they have to be electrically certified first by the Electrical Safety Officer or one of his flunkies. You bring your electronic device to the electronic shop during the approved hours, and a tech inspects the device (grounding check, cord in good repair, no exposed wires, etc) and slaps a certification sticker on it, or tells you that you either need to get it fixed or toss it in the dumpster as a safety hazard. In addition, any equipment involved in food preparation has to be inspected by medical – your coffee pot for example, or your microwave oven. Shore commands vary in their enforcement of the the electrical safety program, but ships are fanatical about it. And, just for the record, during a ship’s Admin inspection, the Electrical Safety Inspection program gets inspected.

We inspected people, specifically their bodies. There’s an old saying in the military, Your soul may belong to God, but your ass belongs to Uncle Sam. We checked that haircuts and mustaches and ear hair were within regulations. We checked that fingernails were clipped, and, in the case of woman, painted in an approved color. Medical and dental checkups were mandatory. In the military, you don’t have the option of avoiding the dentist, or your yearly prostate finger wave, or your annual pap smear, or your Anthrax inoculation, or wandering around with a case of the crabs. You want a tattoo, you need permission (though this is rarely enforced outside of special forces and special programs where identifying personal marks can have an impact on your career). Piecings are also strictly controlled, and you can get into serious trouble for it. (sometimes in a hysterically funny fashion. I once saw a young maintenance tech grab his crotch, start screaming like an axe murder victim, and dance around spastically while looking for all the world like he was trying to yank his own reproductive organ off through his coveralls. Seems the gold rings he recently had placed in his scrotal piercings where picking up excesses RF radiation from a high power amplifier that he had gundecked the safety procedures on – right before switching it on for a full power test. Exactly like a spoon in a microwave, those gold rings got hot, fast. Really hot. (Actually a good thing, because the metal heated first, alerting us to the problem and causing an immediate manual shutdown of the amplifier before the microwave energy could bake us. From then on we referred to that as the “Electromagnetic Ball Detector.” Yeah, that kid didn’t last long in my unit. Trust me. Failure to replace a shield, then forcing the safety switch so the amp would power up anyway is a level of stupid that almost defies comprehension. There’s a reason why you remove all rings and metal object from your person when working on such equipment, and strict rules and inspections to ensure compliance with procedure).

Basically, in the Navy we inspected everything – including personal communication. There is no such thing as private communications on a US military facility – especially shipboard. All incoming and outgoing email is scanned, usually electronically but sometimes by a real live human censor, for sensitive information. I happen to know a former Navy Captain who was masted before the Admiral and forced to retire his commission under other than honorable circumstance for displaying the bad sense to discuss the extramarital affair he was having - with a junior enlisted man’s wife while his own wife lay dying in the hospital from cancer no less - via shipboard email and chat. Every phone call from a US government facility is subject to monitoring, every one. This includes cell phone communications. There’s a big sign outside the gate of every US military and government facility that specifically calls out US Code, Title 10 and that by entering the base or facility you implicitly consent to monitoring and inspection. Period and no exceptions.

And you know what? Those inspections and monitoring work, for the most part. Despite the sometimes incredible dangers inherent in the military, we have a lot less accidents, per capita, than most civilians. Those intrusive, privacy violating, Health and Comfort inspections save lives and demonstrably increase the safety of the majority. Those electrical safety inspections have prevented countless fires – and in the confines of a ship or a crowded barracks those fires could have killed or injured hundreds and cost the taxpayer billions. Those mandatory medical and dental inspections have saved countless lives and improved the health and safety of millions of military personal. Those phone calls we monitor? Not a month goes by that we don’t catch somebody divulging classified information, usually accidentally. Those mistakes can cost lives and again billions, and have.

Now, show of hands, how many of you would like to live like that?

Really? Why not?

If you’re following the rules, regulations, and laws – why wouldn’t you want to live under a system that significantly increases your health, safety, and security?

Close inspection of military personal, their equipment, their communications, their health, and personal effects can be demonstrated to have significantly increased safety, security, readiness, wellbeing, and saved the taxpayer untold billions. I think that it could be demonstrated that if we decided to ditch the Constitution and subject every American and other resident of this country to the same type of inspection and monitoring, the general safety of citizenry would be significantly increased. Seriously, how many deaths would be prevented each year if the fire department conducted a bi-annual inspection of your house? Checking that you’ve replaced your smoke detector batteries and aren’t storing your gas cans next to the water heater? Maybe we should make it mandatory that you get all of your electrical appliances checked by a tech down at the local town hall, how many electrical fires would be prevented as a result? Ask yourself how many cases of food poisoning could be avoided by having the health department come in once a month and check to make sure you are properly cleaning out those nasty leftovers in the fridge and scrubbing your counters once in a while. How about those medicine cabinets? How many of you have expired or excess medicine that should have been thrown out long ago, just waiting for your kids to decide they look like fun? Hell, here in Alaska, you can’t buy cold medicine off the shelf, you’ve got to get it from the pharmacist behind the counter. Supposedly this keeps the kids from turning Sudafed into a recreational drug, but once you bring it home there’s nothing to keep it out of your little coke dealer’s hands. You wouldn’t have that problem if the BATF came through once a month and made sure you were storing your medicine securely. What about Schedule 1 drugs? How many of you are sure you don’t have illegal drugs in your house? Are you sure that your kids, or their friends, or that asshole from the office who came to your party last week, didn’t bring some in? Don’t you want to know for sure? BATF should bring along a couple of drug dogs on their monthly visit. Now I know no Stonekettle Station regular would have illegal downloads, but many people have copies of movies or music they didn’t pay for. That’s a crime. They’re stealing money from the entertainment industry and that costs all of us. Why shouldn’t the recording industry enforcers have the right to inspect your computer periodically? How many people fudge on their taxes? How about home businesses, are they complying with all the laws? Even when nobody is looking? Maybe the IRS should perform surprise audits of every citizen on a periodic basis – seriously here, isn’t that in the public interest? How about our kids? Sexting, you know what that is? You should, it’s the hula-hoop fad of the new millennium. It’s when you send naked pictures of yourself or others from your camera phone via video texting. How many of your kids are doing this? A hell of lot, actually, according to recent figures, and wouldn’t you want to know if it was happening in your house? If your kid is underage, it’s child pornography. It could also be solicitation of a minor. It could be public indecency. Hell it falls under a lot of statutes. Now, if people knew that NSA was monitoring every picture sent across the web, with serious consequences for those involved, wouldn’t that cut down on a heinous crime? How about those people you hear about who keep dead relatives around for years, stuffed in the freezer, or mummified in a back bedroom? Periodic H&C of every dwelling in America would keep that kind of insanity from happening.

I could go on here, but then I’d just start getting silly.

But in all honesty people are generally bastard flavored bastards with bastard filling and little bastard sprinkles on top. Even well intentioned people break laws in their own home or when they think people aren’t watching. They speed. They do unsafe things. They do stupid things. They do ignorant things. They eat fatty foods. They drink themselves blind. They beat their kids and their spouses and their dogs. And it costs us all. It costs us in public safety, public health, national security, national income, taxes, and a wide variety of other things. Now, we can never prevent all of this. We can never be 100% safe, or secure, or efficient – but we could do a hell of a lot better.

So how come we don’t?

How come you people would rather live with significantly increased risk instead of significantly increased security, safety, and efficiency?

Hey, don’t look at me – I was in the military for twenty years and I don’t want to live like that either.

It’s about freedom, isn’t it?

And it’s about liberty.

It’s about the ideals that America was founded on.

You Goddamned right it is.

Which brings us to The Cybersecurity Act of 2009, unveiled yesterday by Senators John Rockefeller (D-W. Va) and Olympia Snowe (R-Maine) in a show of bipartisan stupidity. Basically, if enacted, this law would explicitly give the President power to shut down all domestic Internet traffic.

Sound alarmist? Go read the draft, I’ll wait.

Basically, the Cybersecurity Act would give the president the authority to “declare a cybersecurity emergency” and shut down or limit Internet traffic in any “critical” information network “in the interest of National Security.” The definition of “Cybersecurity Emergency,” “Critical network,” and “National Security” would be left up to the president.

Now, what does that have to do with the introduction to this post? Well, see, the Cybersecurity Act of 2009 would also allow the Secretary of Commerce “access to all relevant data” concerning critical networks “without regard to any provision of law, regulation, rule, or policy restricting such access.” Yep. Basically what that means is that the SoC can monitor or access any data on any private, commercial, or public network without regard to privacy laws providing he’s doing it for national security reasons – as he defines it – no warrant, no oversight, no regard for existing laws. In effect this bills creates a new domestic intelligence organ under the Department of Commerce. Now, since the DoC has neither the assets nor the expertise for such things, they’ll need to find somebody who has both unlimited assets and the requisite knowledge in the area of domestic monitoring. Those folks are up on MD32, just off the Baltimore Washington Parkway. Ask yourself just how closely you’d like to have the Department of Commerce and the Pentagon intertwined.

Rockafeller said yesterday, "We must protect our critical infrastructure at all costs—from our water to our electricity, to banking, traffic lights and electronic health records—the list goes on."

Snowe agreed, and went further saying, "if we fail to take swift action, we, regrettably, risk a cyber-Katrina."

Now here’s a funny little aside, all those Conservatives who were so gung-ho about the Patriot Act and the Protect America Act, which made it legal for the Bush Administration to spy on Americans at home and without warrants, are all screaming bloody murder about how President Obama wants to snoop through their computers. One wonders if they’d be so opposed if Bush and Cheney were still in the White House. Pretty damned ironic, if you ask me, especially since they’ve already given Obama the power to shut down or intrude into their computer systems. Oh, yes, that’s right folks, The Homeland Security Act gives the president wide ranging and direct control over critical national infrastructure – and guess what the Internet is?

Those powers are detailed in Presidential Decision Directives 63, Executive Orders 13228 and 13231, the Homeland Security Presidential Directive 7, and the National Infrastructure Plan.

Basically, conservatives, you already gave Obama permission to cut off your access and look through you computer files. Forgive me while I enjoy a mocking chuckle at your expense.

This bill really doesn’t give the president any new power at all, though it does shift power from the Department of Defense to the Department of Commerce to a certain extent. In reality, of course, it will simply expand the power of both departments and simply bypass Constitutional protections for all Americans.

This bill has nothing to do with the current or past occupant of the Oval Office, but it’s very likely to have a great deal to do with future occupants.

Far from protecting the rights and securities of Americans, this bill is about power. It’s about protecting and expanding the power of government. This bill is about government to the people, not of, by, and for the people. Conservatives who pushed through bills that gave unfettered power to the last president are suddenly finding out what a sharp two edged sword that power is, now that it can be turned against them and not just the liberals they despise so badly. Allow this bill to become law, you give not only this president, but all who follow him even more unchecked power… and one day your children are very likely to have a President who becomes Emperor during a period of extended and unending crises. Sound crazy? Sound alarmist and paranoid and conspiracy theorist? You should do some reading into how Republics die.

Will this president abuse his power as the last one did? I don’t know. Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely, there are few truisms more true than that. Our founding fathers knew it, and they designed this country to deliberately limit the powers of the president. Any president. All presidents. Conservative presidents. Liberal presidents. All presidents. And not just the president, this bill gives nearly unlimited power to the Commerce Department. Power that they’ve never had. Power that they have no experience managing or controlling. The National Security Agency under the Department of Defense has been doing this since 1952, under strict guidelines put in place after numerous abuses – and still abuses occur. I have to wonder how the DoC will protect the rights of Americans, how they’ll keep their own people from abusing the unlimited information and power they will suddenly have access to when they can reach into private and commercial networks without regard for the law. The potential for abuse is simply staggering and of an order of magnitude beyond anything that has gone before. Our world, our nation, our lives are inside those machines. Everything, banking information, production, prototyping, travel, mental and physical health records, finance, investment, ideas, thoughts, designs, communications, worldview, access to maps, navigation, services, opinions, news, what you buy, what you eat, your location every time you swipe a credit card or dial a phone, who you talk to, and more. Much, much more. Everything is in there. Believe me folks, I know, I used to do this for a living. Right now, it takes a court order to pry into a majority of this information. The Electronic Privacy Act protects your 1st, 4th, and 5th Amendment rights in the online world – this bill would gut that protection and make a sham of the very rights those of us in the military gave up in order to protect.

We’ve traveled down the wrong road for eight years now. We’ve given up our freedoms, we’ve made our president a king in all but name – all because we have repeatedly allowed shortsighted and foolish leaders to frighten us with meaningless made up bogymen like “Weapons of Mass Destruction,” “islamofascism,” “emboldened purveyors of false populism” - and now we have a new word, Cyber-Katrina. Yet another meaningless and undefined threat used to frighten the populace into acquiesce.

It’s long past time to return to the vision of our founders. It’s long past time to stand up and demand the inalienable rights we as Americans are guaranteed under the Constitution.

There are dangers in the online world, there are national security threats, but this bill will do absolutely nothing to protect us from them. And will in fact go one more step towards destroying the very things that make the United States a nation of free people.

I strongly urge you to write your congressmen and demand that this bill be substantially revised to fully and clearly protect the Constitutional rights of all Americans, limit its scope and power, and require full adherence to 200 years of US Constitutional law – or better yet be thrown out altogether, let it die a silent death in committee.