Saturday, September 29, 2012

Also Nazis, Part 2


There’s this little taco stand that I like down by the port.

It’s nothing fancy, just your basic workingman kind of place. It’s literally a shack, a little lunch counter that serves mostly Americanized Mexican food.  Four fifty gets you a drink and great breakfast burrito made fresh to order with the best homemade hot sauce in town.

Once or twice a week I stop in on my way to work.

The guy who runs the place is a damned nice fellow, and I enjoy talking to him while he grills the ham slices and spoons scrambled eggs and sharp cheese and hot sauce into a tortilla wrap.

Typically it takes no more than a minute or so to get what I want and be on my way.

This morning there was a guy ordering for his entire work crew, a dozen burritos of different kinds.

And there were four or five working stiffs behind him, all waiting for their orders.

Which meant at least a ten minute wait.

I’m not big on waiting and I hate lines. I almost left without ordering but I was hungry, and I really like those burritos, so I got in the queue.

Which meant that I had the privilege of listening to the loudmouthed blowhards talking politics in front of me. 

I arrived just as the conversation turned to immigrants and how they’re lazy parasites who’re just here for free entitlements. I’m fairly sure that neither of them saw the irony of having that particular conversation in a Mexican food stand run by a hardworking Mexican immigrant and his sons. 

The TV behind us was showing clips from the President’s recent address before the United Nations. One of those morning show type announcers was giddily bloviating about Iran, nuclear weapons, and the pending war with Israel.

“Yeah, did you watch that?” Asked the first guy, who we’ll call Red on account of his … hair. “Jesus, what an embarrassment that idiot is.”

“No, I can’t watch him,” replied the second guy, who I’ll designate Stupid for his striking resemblance to Rick Santorum. “He’s like one of them old timey cartoons, all eyes and teeth and those Dumbo ears sticking out.  It makes me sick seeing him up there in front of the UN apologizing for America all the time. Idiot. He gets reelected, they might as well just give the country to the fuckin’ Muslims.”

“Well that’s what he’s doing with Israel,” said Red, his voice authoritative with the kind of conviction you get from listening to talk radio. “He sold them right down the river, basically just said Iran could have a nuclear bomb and we weren’t going to stop them. We’ve got to get this guy out of office before it’s too late. Hopefully Iran will hold off until after the election.”

I opened my mouth…and then closed it firmly.  Just get breakfast, Jim, I told myself, get breakfast and get the hell out. Get breakfast. Get out.

“Yeah, I really worry about this country,” said Stupid, shaking his head sadly. “Get this, I heard Obama is going to resume aboveground atomic testing out west.”

You may, if you like, visualize me in full boggle at that moment. Wait, what? Did this guy just say… nah, couldn’t be.

“No shit?” asked Red. “What about the radiation? The EPA will go apeshit. They’ll never let him to do that. Those pricks run the country.”

“No, it’s their idea. That’s what the guy said, that’s the whole point. Just like when they were doing that testing back in the 60’s, the fallout will settle all over the West, right? Not enough to kill anybody, but everybody will get scared of the cancer and they’ll have to have Obamacare and then the EPA can use it as an excuse to stop drilling. Kick everybody off their land. No more fracking, right? So even after he’s out office they still won’t be able to drill out there and we’ll have to buy our oil from the friggin’ Arabs.”

Breakfast, Jim, I said to myself, just get breakfast and get out. And stop boggling, they’re going to notice. 

“I swear this guy is more like Hitler every day. But the stupid Liberals are going to reelect him anyway. We’re going to be living in Germany if we don’t get him out of office.”

“We already are, Bro, we already are…”

By this point, I was literally biting my tongue.

Nazis. I hadn’t even had my goddamned breakfast yet and already there were Nazis. 

It’s not bad enough that it was raining and cold. Now there were Nazis too.

Just once, really, I’d like to get through my day without Nazis.

Now granted, neither Red nor Stupid specifically mentioned Nazis per se, but they did say Hitler and you have to figure Nazis just sort of naturally follow.

Like the man said, Nazis, I really hate those guys.

So, to recap, Obama is going to nuke the West in order to make people use Obamacare and to stop fracking so we have to buy our oil from the Arabs, he’s doing this because he’s Hitler and he hates Israel and America. Also, Nazis.

Well, sure, when you put it like that, it is a frighteningly probable scenario.


These were grown men. Adults. With jobs. Probably they had kids and wives and maybe pet dogs.  From their dress and the fact that they were in the port area at six in the morning, they obviously had some kind of job, a trade, some kind of skill, something that required at least a modicum of rational thought – I mean, you would think, right?  They walked upright and were capable of rudimentary communication. They could order burritos and operate machinery.

And yet…

And yet, there it was, naked insanity. Raving paranoia masquerading as rational discussion. Unfettered lunacy running free in the streets.  Random chaos in the life support system.

Nazis. At six in the morning. Goddamned Nazis.

Well, said I to myself, if nothing else, Jim, you’ve gotten it out of the way early today. You got breakfast and you managed to get away without hurting people, well done, Sir. And now it’s over.  Unless you run into Sarah Palin riding an actual velociraptor through the streets of Anchorage chasing the homeless into the freezing waters of the port, there’s nothing else you’ll witness today that will be as silly. You may now coast through the day and embark upon the weekend free of worry. Yay.


Oh how very wrong I was.

So very, very wrong.


Everything would have been OK, but then I came across William J. Murray.

They say that the acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree.

That may be true of acorns, but nuts on the other hand can apparently roll for miles.

Murray is the founder and head of the Religious Freedom Coalition, a Washington D.C. lobbying group focused on hating pretty much anybody who is not Murray’s version of a Christian. 

Murray is another one of those ultra religious types who spend more time thinking about homosexuality than actual gay people do.

In 2009, Murray announced that gayness causes train crashes.  Yep.

Last week, Murray declared that the recent outbreak of Middle Eastern violence is, in fact, caused by “elitist homosexual diplomats.”

Yes, you read that right.  Gay people caused the riots in Libya and Egypt and elsewhere. Gay people. But then if gay people can use their gayness to wreck speeding trains, inciting a riot and terrorism is certainly within their sparkly gay powers.  Gayness, is there nothing it can’t do? And do fabulously?

Murray said:

Look at Christopher Stevens, the ambassador that was killed, he was probably a homosexual. Many of the diplomats, the State Department diplomats that I meet with in the Middle East when I go are homosexuals. When I went to the Jordanian embassy a few years ago the ambassador took the group of us that were there on a fact-finding mission and he wanted a picture of us with him in front of a rainbow colored flag, not the US flag. We send people there and they deal with people on an elite level that aren’t really truly Muslims, we send nutcases over there who are dealing with apostate Muslims and then they report back that this is Islam. This is not Islam. What Islam teaches is what is being dealt in the streets.

As I said, the nuts tend to roll. See, William J. Murray is also the son of famous (or as he says, infamous) atheist, Madalyn Murray O’Hair – how’s that for some irony, eh?

If there is a God, he’s obviously got a seriously twisted sense of humor.

William Murray is also the founder of the awkwardly named God Is Not Government PAC or GingPAC for short.

Last week GingPAC ran the following full page ad in papers across the country, particularly in the swing states:


Again, even though they weren’t specifically mentioned, I think we can safely assume that there are Nazis in there somewhere.

Honestly, who would believe this stuff?


Bonnie Plott does. When one of the papers that printed the above ad, The Sarasota Patch, later printed a retraction and an apology, Bonnie left the following comment:


She wasn’t alone. And over on World News Daily, they’ve started eating each other in the comments section.

I’ve said it before, you simply cannot reason with unreasonable people – and anybody who actually believes the silly shit in that ad is not a reasonable person.

These people, they don’t hate Barack Obama.

I don’t know who they actually hate, but it isn’t Barack Obama.  It’s some bizarre boogeyman that lives only in the closet of their imagination.

I mean look at what they’re afraid of. It’s bizarre.

Obama will force Christian organizations to pay for abortions.  Uh no. We’ve settled this. How many times do we have to go over it?  These people have abortion on the brain.

I think we need a new law:  You have to personally help one hundred actual living breathing babies who have been actually born, you have to provide food, healthcare, shelter, love, compassion, education and so on for one hundred actual babies before you’re allowed to even mutter the word “abortion” under your breath. One hundred, here, abroad, I don’t care, but you have to help each baby personally by your own hand. Period. No exceptions. Only then may you complain about abortion. Otherwise, the rest of us get to shove a rabid honey badger up your ass so you can experience the same degree of irritation your endless abortion bullshit causes us. Sound fair?

Obama will force Christian schools to hire non-Christian teachers. Again, no. That’s just plain asinine.

But you know, it seems to me that this isn’t a bad idea. After all, Christians like William J. Murray want to teach their version of biology in public schools. They say that they only want equal time.  Equal. I’m hip. Let’s require that all religious schools – including home schools – have to hire a certified evolutionary biologist, preferably an atheist, to provide equal counterbalance to the creationism. And while they’re at it they can emphasize that the Bible and Christianity are one theory among many – a theory without any scientific support whatsoever in any fashion.  In order to pass this mandatory class, children must actually answer the test questions and get them right in accordance with current evolutionary theory. If kids can put down “Jesus did it” on a public school biology test, then they should be have to write in “science did it” on religious school tests. That seems fair to me.

What’s that?

Oh, Right. Maybe we better have those religious schools hire some actual mathematicians too, so the kids can learn what the word “equal” means.

Obama will force all states to permit same-sex “marriages.”  And not only that, he’ll make military chaplains perform gay marriages too.  Yeah, once again, these people spend a lot of time thinking about gay stuff. I’m just saying.

Speaking of which, Obama will apparently force doctors to assist homosexuals in buying surrogate babies.


Let’s try that again and see if it sounds any less stupid.

Obama will force doctors to assist homosexuals in buying surrogate babies. 

Obama will force doctors to assist homosexuals in buying surrogate babies.

Obama. Will. Force. Doctors. To. Assist. Homosexuals. In. Buying. Surrogate. Babies.

Obama will…

Oh for fuck’s sake.


Just … fuck, really?

You know, I’m pretty sure if that if the folks over at Guinness have a world record category for Dumbest Goddamned Thing Ever Uttered In The History Of Man, EVER, “Obama will force doctors to assist homosexuals in buying surrogate babies” would win the all time record hands down.  I mean, honestly here, what possible competition could that have?

Somebody help me out here, is this something conservatives are actually afraid of?

Are conservatives actually afraid that the President of the United States is going to somehow force doctors to help gay people buy surrogate babies?

Because if you’re actually afraid of that then you are certifiably nuts.

Seriously, if you fear this, then you belong in an institution. You should be locked up and pumped full of happy juice and strapped to a gurney before you choke on your own feces. You’re an idiot, no, strike that, you’d have to take classes and study diligently for years to rise to the level of simple idiot.

Obama will force doctors to assist homosexuals in buying surrogate babies.

I can’t count the number of things wrong with that one sentence.  It’s not even funny as a joke. If this is what Murray’s religion does to you, it should be classified as a dangerous disease in the same category as Ebola and the Mad Cow, one that ought to be approached only with sterilizing fire and abject caution. 

The rest of the list is pretty damned stupid and every stupid-assed item there has been thoroughly debunked, but gay surrogate babies, that takes the big crazy Republican cake.

And not to digress or anything, but isn’t it mothers who are surrogates? If the baby is a surrogate, what’s it a surrogate for?

The statement at the end of the ad is mind boggling:

This is the true agenda of Barack Hussein Obama, the only President in history who has deliberately removed the words “endowed by their Creator” when referring to our Declaration of Independence, not once, but several times. Barack Hussein Obama believes human rights come from government, not from God, and that he as President can take those rights away for the “social good.”

Except, of course, none of the things listed are rights as defined by either the Constitution or the Christian deity.

And as to that bit about being the “only President in history” who deliberately left out “endowed by their creator” when referring to America’s founding principles, well that’s wrong too.  Other presidents have quoted the phrase “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” without mentioning a creator – Ronald Reagan chief among them.  And Obama has routinely used the phrase in its entirety, including the part about the creator. 

But hey, why spoil lies and raving paranoia with facts, right?

What the hell is wrong with these people?


Frankly, at this point, I’m staring to think aboveground nuclear testing might not be such a bad idea after all.

Radiation kills cancer, right?

I wonder how it works on Nazis?



Part 1 of Also, Nazis is here.

And least you think it just me: Here’s a different perspective on this same subject.


  1. Loved it. Thanks for being you.

    Also, perhaps you want to lose the "be" in: then they should be have to write in “science did it”

  2. I'm sorry, Bro. I love you, I really do, but I had to speed-read this one. At least where you were writing what these jacklegs were saying. Hurts my brain. Harshes my high. Turns gray matter into rush.

    hey, it's a self-preservation thing. I can't watch Faux Newz either.

    1. "Turns gray matter into rush" -- I saw what you did there.

  3. Is there (will there be) a Stonekettle Station book?

    1. Seconded. (If that was a motion.)

    2. Thirded. (Is that a thing?)

      Agreed anyhow.

    3. Fourthed!

      And at the very least, ShopKat deserves her own chapter. With pictures.

    4. Include me in. (With apologies to Sam Goldwyn).

    5. First time here and I love it. Thanks. Pablo

  4. We can only hope. It would, without a doubt, be one of the great literary works in human history. Of course, the Nazis...errr...right wingers would want to burn it. Greatness has its price.

    1. They might not actually read it (although, I would), but think of the right wingers who would buy it just to have book burning parties. Go for it Jim, you'll be rich!

  5. The sheer inanity of them all makes my head hurt as it does with the monster migraines that sometimes attack, for no reason mind you. Sometimes after hearing things like this, I can't even find any words, and all I can say, just like you, is "really???" "Really..." And then I open and close my mouth several times, thinking I must surely look like a fish out of water. The absolute stupidity and ignorance is truly mind-numbing. And the thing is, I am very rarely without words. Usually I have too many. But these Republican dudes are causing my ordinarily pithy brain to stall out.
    Was it a good burrito anyway?

  6. "If kids can put down “Jesus did it” on a pubic school biology test": I think you meant to type "public". I hope you did.
    That law about having to take care of a hundred actual babies before being allowed to mumble the word abortion? Let's plebiscite that. Tomorrow. You, Sir, are brilliant. And I concur that you should have a TV show. Hell, you should have a station. Oh, wait, you already have one. Well done that man. Carry on. Thank you.

    1. Kado

      I once taught intro Biology in a state university where I doubled as an assistant to the college Dean. One day the secretary handed me the phone with a laugh and said I was probably the best person to answer a parent’s complaint. The woman on the line sailed into a prolonged rant about “commie” professors and said she was a lawyer who wouldn’t rest until that “pinko” professor got tossed into jail. I never let on that she was talking about me. And my sin? I was teaching a unit on Evolution and I was “poisoning the mind of her innocent daughter”.

      You see, these nuts have always been around. This happened almost fifty years ago. When her kid used the “God did it” answer on a test, I had asked her for the irrefutable evidence that she used to back up her assertion. All I got was more Bible babble and the “F” on her test stayed in place.

      Later that day, I caught the daughter after class and told her I had a talk with her mother the day before. It was the last time I saw her but I understand she transferred to a local bible college

      John from Rhody

    2. Pubic school. I was talking about kids studying to be OB/GYNs. Why, what were you thinking?

      It's fixed.

    3. In the days before self publishing, I worked for a printing firm that did much work for "Public" organizations - the number of times that error got through editing was probably related to how the printers felt about the organization that ordered the work they were doing.

      Also, too Nazis probably had much to do with it.

    4. John from Rhody:

      I'm sure those people always were around. But they did not hold the front and center of the stage before! Now half of everyone is falling all over themselves to cater to the loonies, and if the same thing were to happen now, you might lose your job on account of that F. Back then, those people were laughed at over lunch. Now they are running for President.

    5. Once upon a time, a long time ago, a colleague and I sent out approximately 200 Pubic Service Announcements on behalf of a local theatre group.

      We didn't even realize it, until a local PBS broadcaster phoned us, and told us he'd been waiting all his life for someone to send him one of those.

      It's what happens when 2 volunteers are writing PSAs at 2 a.m.!

    6. One of the local community radio DJs used give pubic cervix announcements. Good times.

  7. Right there with you, Mr. Wright! Where have they all come from? The sheer number of these folks who believe this insanity and then "bloviate" is terrifying. (Great word, by the way, never heard it before). I could deal with it to some degree were they not so obviously and completely committed to the vile crap that comes out of their mouths.

  8. I'm thinking about the guys down at the burrito van: you sure it isn't the hat? They see you coming and they scour their minds for the most inane, childish foolishness they can come up with on the spur of the moment and then say it loud, in front of you, to see if they can blow your hat off by boiling your brain?

    No, probably not. Alas.

    It is interesting where they draw their, em, red lines. I mean why stop at forcing doctors to help gays buy surrogate babies? Why not go the whole hog and declaim from the rooftops that Obama will force white Christian women to be impregnated with MUSLIM babies, who will, upon being not aborted, themselves force everyone else to dance the Sharia softshoe and then choose between being burned at the stake or accepting accept Allah as their god and Muhammad as His profit.

    Is it that their imaginations aren't robust enough to go the whole hog, or are there in fact stupid things even THEY won't fall for. I'm guessing the former.

    Might be interesting to try to come up with a meme that even Bonnie Plott wouldn't fall for. Is it even possible? I doubt it.

    Keep up the good work.

    1. "Obama to force Christian Virgins to be the fourth wife of Nazi Muslim Terrorists"

      Now to find a picture...

    2. Good effort. Except they'd go for that like bluefish after cut bait.

    3. White Christian women impregnated by MUSLIMS to have babies that will force people to dance the Sharia softshoe? Please, please, please don't help them out. I think we will be seeing this everywhere as truth within a week.

    4. But that would be a very cool thing to do. Come up with the most asinine meme imaginable, get it out into the blogosphere, wait for it to be quoted by, say, at least fifteen different posters on ten different sites, then write it up. Or better yet track it, if you have the skills, THEN write it up. Show how it took root and flowered.

      The really depressing thing about the kind of ignorance Jim so cogently points out, so often, is- follow the money. Who benefits from a populace so clueless, so obsessed with fairy tales and bogymen? The rich fuckers who want to pollute their water, foul their air, rip the entire social fabric out from under the communities these people and the rest of us (but not the rich fuckers) live in, pay these people and the rest of us crumbs for whole lives of hard graft, leave these people and the rest of us alone and destitute if we get ill, etc etc etc. Keep the ignoramuses frothing at the mouth about scary dark-skinned commie Nazis and you can screw them in every orifice, nine times before breakfast every morning, and it will be far, far easier than taking candy from babies.

      I've taken candy from babies. Often. I know.

    5. Close. But you forgot that he will force white Christian women to be impregnated with Muslim ANCHOR babies (who will immediately render their terrorist fathers American citizens).

    6. Anchor Babies! Of course! Pre-programmed commie fascist neo-Islamist (surely if Islamist is bad, then neo-Islamist must be worse than Satanic) anchor babies!

    7. Everyone knows (who knows ANYTHING about these things) that their true agenda (agendum?) is to impregnate unsuspecting Christian women and use their misbegotten progeny as the next wave of SUICIDE TERRORISTS in America!

  9. All I can say is...


  10. I know it’s probably inappropriate, but I’d like to start by thanking Red and Stupid for being in line in front of Jim. I don’t suppose I should be cheering for, “…naked insanity. Raving paranoia masquerading as rational discussion. Unfettered lunacy running free in the streets.”, but there it is. This can only happen because it prompted Jim into providing us with another excellent piece.

    I have to wonder, do these folks never encounter rational though? When they do, how does it impinge on their consciousness? Is it like a giant tree falling or like the buzzing of a gnat?

    1. Lolol - I know the answer to your question because I LIVED AMONGST these idiots. They think we are misguided and foolish. They think we are so dumb we don't see the REAL plot. They think they are the ones 'in the know' that can see the conspiracies. You can't argue when people have been brought up in ignorance and live among people who have the same dysfunction/paranoia/lack of reason. (And I guess that's how they feel about US in many ways...)

      My ex-MIL asked me: "WHERE do you get your information?????" She thought I was foolish and uninformed. Funny, huh?

      But living in a heavily religious area as I did, I used to ask myself: Are these people so stupid because of their heavy indoctrination, or does the heavy indoctrination (no logic base, lots of conflicting info, etc.) result in them being stupid? I still don't have a definitive answer, lol, but thankfully MOVED AWAY a few years ago!

  11. I guess "Red" & "Stupid" are going to have first hand proof that they're wrong now that it seems almost certain (80 -90%? from what I'm hearing in far-off Oz) that Barack Hussein Obama will win the 2012 election and a second term.

    Winder if they'll admit they got it wrong if that happens and what they claim will happen doesn't?

    1. They'll insist that the election was stolen by godless Muslim commie immigrant treehugger lame-stream media "those people" traitors to America. When none of their feared evil stuff happens they'll insist that (a) "Obummer" is merely biding his time to unleash the black helicopters; (b) it's already happening but the LSM won't tell the truth.

      What they won't do, ever, is admit they were wrong.

    2. I wonder if they will "self-deport" to Wingnutistan...where there are no nazis.

    3. I hear its already begun -- Rush says anyone who votes for POTUS is stupid and he is amazed how many stupid people are obviously capable of walking and talking in HIS world and Fox has started the stupid talk too. Since I never listen to Rush or watch Fox but I'm hearing clips played on progressive radio.

    4. "Stupid" is what dim bulbs call you when you say something witty and intellectual that's way beyond their ability to comprehend. What next, Rush and Fox say that Obama voters have cooties? How 4th grade of them!

  12. This morning I came over here fresh from reading an article reporting that the TSA was seeing a sharp increase in the number of people who forgrt they are carrying a gun and try to board an airplane. I should not assume, but I am pretty sure that the NRA does not approve forgetting that you are carrying your gun.

    But at least no Nazis were involved in that.

    But here Jim tells the tale of bloviating breakfast buyers insulting immigrants while immigrants who are preparing their food are probably within hearing distance. In addition to the utter stupidity and insanity of their discussion, the two Red and his friend forgot something basic: Never insult someone who is preparing your food while they are preparing your food.


    As for the rest of it, it is 9 am and I already feel dyspeptic.

  13. I'm going with the theory that intelligence is finite, and crazy fills the gaps, since the population keeps growing. Above ground nukes might fix that...

  14. You've actually got two totally different posts here, not separated, which they ought to be.

    You'll lose about half your audience with swings in subject matter like that, and there are no pictures of cats. That's distracting. When there is some sort of mention of cats photos and then there are no cats, it's kind of like waiting for a special guest start to appear in a movie to find that person waving hi at the last part of the credits, not that I can remember that ever happening, but I've had too much coffee.

    As much amusement as there can be found in the edge the real and true danger lies in how much of the edge is getting to the middle. Once you can get a small group of people to believe something outlandish you can get an outlandish number of people to believe something small.

    But really. Nazis before eight in the morning isn't right.

    Take Care,

  15. More cats, fewer Nazis! Great article. I just wish these people would go away FOREVER!

  16. I wonder if these people have figured out yet that they're a big part of the reason Romney's numbers are tanking. I personally know lots of people they scare the bejeezus out of, and who are moderate, nice people neither left nor right. But they can recognize crazy when they see it.

    So in some ways, I hope they keep talking. Because the more they spout this stuff, the better the Democrats chances are and the more Romney has to contort to pander to them. And, speaking of Nazis, look no further than here to understand how people like them come to power. And that is the most ironic, and sad, part of the entire mess.

  17. I am currently reading Dilirium: The Politics of Sex in America by Nancy L. Cohen. The first part of the book is how we got to this Point. Based on what I've read so far, this didn't just happen but that it was a step by step plan going back decades. I'm not really doing the book any justice because unlike Jim, I cannot put down a concise thought. Anyway, I thought some of you may want to check it out. On a personal note, my husband is Puerto Rican, you would not believe the number of times I have been asked "Does he have his green card?". Not only are they uninformed but they actually revel in their stupidity.

    1. My first thought when I read blogs/articles, such as Jim's is - OMG we HAVE to teach science to the unwashed masses!! But yes, it's not just science. How else are we going to compete as a country? And you know, I've got news for you, even wealthy people put their kids into religious schools and are being taught Jesus ran with the dinosaurs.

  18. Replies
      You're a day early for your one weekly contribution Sue.

  19. All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. - Edmund Burke

    You should have confronted Stupid and Red though the ensuing mayhem may have delayed your breakfast. :D

  20. I am currently reading Dilirium: The Politics of Sex in America by Nancy L. Cohen. The first part of the book is how we got to this Point. Based on what I've read so far, this didn't just happen but that it was a step by step plan going back decades. I'm not really doing the book any justice because unlike Jim, I cannot put down a concise thought. Anyway, I thought some of you may want to check it out. On a personal note, my husband is Puerto Rican, you would not believe the number of times I have been asked "Does he have his green card?". Not only are they uninformed but they actually revel in their stupidity.

  21. For all the Founders' many faults, they may have been exactly right for not wanting true democracy.

    Although I wouldn't trust the people you're talking about, Jim, to vote for state legislators and Congressional Representatives under the Founders' system, either. They may be an argument for monarchy, which is really depressing to me, because it means I'm losing faith in the premise that ignorance can be amended.

  22. Jim,
    You live in Alaska. I spend time every year in Alaska. I have never heard so many racist, just plain stupid right wing comments as in AK. Way too many nut jobs up there.

    1. Hey guy,,,,, there are some reasonable people in Alaska, but you have to look for them. The use of alcohol up here fractures peoples' logic. They assume what they are told is true. I started talking to a worker at Fred Meyers the other day, and he had NO IDEA about the current events and the problems the republicans are having about telling the truth. You see, he only gets his news from FOX, as it is the station that is on at the bar. Most of the bars are owned by right wingers and they get to pollute their patrons mind with that FOX crap, so, until this guy heard something different than FAUX News, he had NO IDEA what was REALLY going on. I convinced him to watch some other news sources before he does ANYTHING stupid like vote for the white guy. (this man was an immigrant Mexican man, naturalized, and working hard.)

  23. In my line of work, many people regard their pets as surrogate babies. So does this mean that Obama is going to force doctors to help everyone get a kitten? Or a puppy, because if you want a surrogate baby, hardly anything does a better job.

    Thanks for an excellent start to my day!

    1. Oh, yes, of course. Thanks for clearing that up. Free socialist kittens for everybody, hurrah!

    2. Sorry for the hijack.... but.... AKDD!! You are alive!! I have missed your blog, and as a fellow CSU graduate, was worried about you.

      Oh, yes more kittens!


    3. [hijack reply] Thanks, Karla, and bless your heart! We've been shorthanded at work for over a year. It's sucking my brain out through my ears. I haven't given up permanently (I hope!) but I am srsly having trouble finding the energy to write. Creative juices all dry and sticky. Need more solvent. Wait, BEER! Beer is a solvent, right? Maybe that'll work...!
      [/hijack reply] :D

  24. Wasn't Madalyn Murray O’Hair the famous atheist who was assassinated? How does THAT happen?

    From Wikipedia: "She is best known for the Murray v. Curlett lawsuit, which led to a landmark Supreme Court ruling ending official Bible-reading in American public schools in 1963... O'Hair later founded American Atheists and became so controversial that in 1964 Life magazine referred to her as 'the most hated woman in America.' "

    And we are still having the 'discussion' of the separation of church and state. At least not practicing a religion is more out of the closet these days.

  25. Would that Red and Stupid were Swiftian renegades parachuted into random breakfast locations to provide spontaneous humour. It's almost possible, but then you brought in William J Murray.

  26. Have to agree with Dana Teel's comment, I'm grateful for Red & Co. for inspiring you to write this. I'm also thankful for the nutty left-wing friend who linked this post on her FB page instead of the 8 Move-on videos per day she usually posts (geez does this person not have kids, pets or vacations...!). My only criticism is you getting a ham and egg and cheese burrito. That's not Mexican that's pure American wrapped in a tortilla. Live large, go for the chorizo and get the spicy salsa.

    Guest comment from Texas, where we know crazy politics because it grows unabated like hydrilla or zebra mussels. I'd move but I'd miss the tacos.

    Don in wacko Huaco

    1. In Jim defense he DID quantify it by saying Americanized Mexican food...

    2. It's called TexMex for a reason.

    3. Papas, huevos, queso, jamon y aguacate para mi, por favor.

      Tacos down here are so large (if you go to the right places) that they are breakfast and lunch.

      Salutations from the Rio Grande Valley

  27. Well, you know, in one of the first "cut wasteful government spending" progroms back in the 80s, many states closed state psychiatric hospitals. Who, at the time, understood that the Republicans were trying to skew the vote back then?

    1. Reagan started that trend in CA when he was Governor - then he took it national. He was also the one who showed them the way to bust unions.

      As far as releasing the inmates, where else could they go to create their new base.

      Bravo Jim!

  28. Might as well give in Jim... It's the Nazis... well, Hitler, anyway. And the Muslims. And anyone capable of critical thinking...

  29. Thanks Jim. I saw the cats. What's the matter with you people? Cats are always there...you just don't see them. I have 3 that come and go at will, you just don't see them. You were just distracted by the Nazi's! Yes, they are the Nazi's. Mind controlled idiots. Glen Beck wannabe's. Rush Limbaugh behindabous kissers. Karl Rove stooges. Jim is the stealth cat...slipped in, slipped out and no one saw him. I bet he's done that before. Now where did my cat go? She was just here getting her neck scratched and now she's slithered back into the woodwork. We've all heard the faux storm troopers talking loudly between themselves, but Jim exposes them as the fools they are. Oh, the cat was there.

  30. How do you maintain a reasonable blood pressure, Jim?
    I am on meds for mine and just reading this makes mine shoot sky high.
    Now I have to get the kettlebells going to get it down again.

  31. Jim,
    Unfortunately these examples of "random chaos in the life support machinery" are growing in numbers. Like the iconic Chicken Man of Armed Forces Radio's golden years, they are everywhere, they are everywhere. How do we ever manage to get through to them....it is a depressing thought that in another generation they may well be the dominant species, at least on our corner of planet Earth. I do appreciate your voice of sanity, as well as those of the rest of the audience who comment, because at least it affirms that they haven't taken over yet.
    So long and thanks for the fish!
    Old Navy Comm O

    1. A Chicken Man reference! You, Sir, are my new favorite.

      God, I miss the Chicken Man.

  32. You know, the crazies use the word Nazi, because even they know that you can't say the other N word in public, which is actually what they mean.

    I have Republican friends (though it boggles my mind how folks I consider to be intelligent, thinking people could be members of that party) who insist this isn't about race. Maybe for those select few, it isn't. But for the vast majority of the rest of them, President Obama scares the hell out of them because he's black. Period.


    1. What is my agenda?

      Besides sparkly gay kittens for everybody, you mean? Well today, I'll probably get the studded tires put on my Jeep. Other than that I'm pretty much open.

      Go away now, strange little troll. And stop shouting at people.

    2. "Kenneth, what is the frequency?"

      * whack whack whack *


      Remember that? Maybe our little friend here was the one who....

  34. I am amazed at what some of the wing nuts will believe! Really, atomic testing and forcing all kinds of bright people to do all sorts of wacky things! Really?? I have some Dem friends who go too far and say crazy things too, like Romney had to change the spelling of his name from Rmoney. And I usually have a little chat with them about saying stupid things. But, how can you have a little chat with those wing nuts?? I know some people, who I used to think of as friends but now realize they have extra small brains, who spread this crap around like it is true and gospel and they get ALL kinds of mad when you point out the factual inaccuracies or hypocrisies (another whole topic). Btw... the reference to the Honey Badger was my "coffee on the keyboard" moment with this one!!

  35. You have a stronger stomach than I, Jim. I lived in South Fundistan for the first 25 years of my life and finally had to leave because if I didn't, I was going to either start gouging people's eyes out with office supplies out of sheer annoyance with the Pure Stupid(tm) that I heard every day, or use self-same office supply to render my ears permanently non-functional so I wouldn't have to hear that sh*t.

    Of course, I was working near turbines in an oil refinery for part of that, so if I'd stayed in South Fundistan I wouldn't have been able to hear the stupid after awhile anyhow (so says the ringing in my ears today, umpty-ump years later), but still. Simple sanity. It is so refreshing, being out here in Cah-lee-foh-neah where insanity tends more towards declaring a canyon that's had a road in it for over a hundred years to be "pristine wilderness". That's insane, too. But it at least ain't insane that's driving our nation off of a cliff.

  36. Maybe one day soon, when you go to the taco stand, these guys will be served a "crow" burrito.

  37. "Radiation kills cancer, right? I wonder how it works on Nazis?"

    Yeah, but cockroaches are resistant.


  38. "These were grown men. Adults. With jobs. Probably they had kids and wives and maybe pet dogs. From their dress and the fact that they were in the port area at six in the morning, they obviously had some kind of job, a trade, some kind of skill, something that required at least a modicum of rational thought – I mean, you would think, right? They walked upright and were capable of rudimentary communication. They could order burritos and operate machinery."

    I work in a manufacturing plant in Nebraska and see on a daily basis how little rational thought is required for rudimentary communication and machine operation. The big tell at our facility is unions. We have one. (I am a member) It's membership is less than 30% of the work force, and it bargains for all the usual things that are bargained for. We have many morons working there who are convinced that even though they currently make at least 10% to 20% more than they would for they same types of work at other plants in the area, the Union is holding the company back, and therefore their pay suffers. Some of them are (poorly) running antique machinery that would cost over a million dollars to replace, but think so little of their job that they never even try to learn how to do it better. Fortunately, the machinery is rugged enough and our maintenance mechanics (my dept, yay) are capable of the rational thought required to keep it going. Holding the company back? Each year, just before the Christmas holiday, our CEO announces how we did for the year. For the past decade and more I don't remember a bonus of less than 5% of our annual wage, and more than half of them have been over 7% all the way up to 12%. BONUS!!! On top of extremely generous pay! And the Union is messing it all up.

    For the record, the company seems to like the Union we have. It makes for one and only one wage negotiation every three years, helps to deal with personnel issues, and most of the union folk are the smart ones who keep things going well. A couple years ago, a few knuckleheads started a petition to decertify the union. The company made no effort to help, and may have even thrown some cold water on the idea. It is wholly owned by a family that seems to genuinely care about its employees' welfare. At least this generation cares; previous generations had management methods that drove earlier workers to form the union in the first place.

    1. Enlightened self-interest is a wonderful thing, when it's truly enlightened.

  39. Thanks for another great post.
    If my Christian friends and I are any indication, there is little more annoying than "Christians" on the far end of crazy. Granted I associate with a more progressive group, but the right wing-nuts give the whole faith a black eye.

  40. Speaking of the ebola-like spread of memes, I haven't yet seen you mention the Well Known Fact that absolutely EVERY pollster in America is in the tank for Obama, deliberately skewing results using the same scientific (ah, THERE it is, science!) methodology that has worked for decades to make it seem like Mr. Mittens has completely screwed the pooch.
    As to the current entry: Got my coffee cup a safe distance away *just* in time. Thanks.

    1. Well, the wingers were clinging to Gallup and Rasmussen, but then Gallup went over to the Dark Side, so it was just brave little Ras carrying on the lonely battle for truth, justice, and the American Way....

      But now even Rasmussen is showing Obama in the lead, however slim the margin. What's a poor Red Stupid to do now?

  41. Sorry about the run on sentence. Geesh, you just get me so excited I can't contain myself.

  42. If you don't laugh, you have to cry ...

  43. What the fuck is wrong with these people? I could understand if it were limited to "out there in Sarah Palin's Alaska" or northern part of America where the crazy white people proliferate, but seriously, what. the. fuck? I live in California, often perceived as the liberal capital of the continential US, but they're wrong. There is something about a mountain chain along our state, that once you cross it, you are in Jesusland and whackos like Richard Pombo, Harold Camping followers and a few others start coming out of the woodwork. I don't know, nuclear residue maybe? I live in one such area which fortunately for my sanity, has a very small liberal "island" close to a national park that likes gays, artists, free-thinkers,foreigners and living things in general. Outside of the Zone, we start getting the zombies.This is where Republicans and Tea Party candidates are your two only choices for Congress. These people are nuttier than squirrel poop.

    The nature of my job as a teacher in the Zone means I have to keep a straight face while I listen to this shit from parents who can no longer afford to send their darlings to the local private indoctrination center up the hill or who can't control their teens in a religious homeschool environment. Our conservative school board approved a Charter Academy where kids only show up once or twice a month, but the spike in teen crime levels and the abysmally low, single digit test scores might have them reconsidering. Hell, I have wrinkles before my time. As a foreign language teacher in a public school, I am already at a disadvantage because of the words "foreign" and "teacher" in my job title. The fact I am a union leader has also invited the unnecessary brain vomit from the Fox Afflicted. At one point I considered getting "Union Thug" tatooed somewhere to make me look more intimidating, giving pause before something is spewed, but that would require thinking, reading skills, and an appreciation of irony from my desired parental audience. No, I'd be asking for yet another trip to the principal or superintendent's office for a session of "Please sir, may I have another?..THWAK"

    I do this because in planting the seeds of rational thought and the questioning of authority, I find great pleasure in hearing from those students once they are free from the yoke. The ones who have discovered themselves and that real live human beings all over the world share the same universal traits and feelings as they do or better yet, they learn to embrace another culture, religion or ideology. Knowing this must drive the intolerant parents batshit in and of itself, helps make what I do worthwhile. That, and reading your posts Jim, of course. You make my day!

  44. Thank you Jim, I was starting to think it was just me. It seems the closer we get, the more obviously insane the arguments and accusations are getting. If it wasn't for you, Stewart and Colbert, I would have lost my sense of humor about these Nazis a long time ago. I will be glad when the whole damn thing is over.
    PS. How's the goddamn cat?

  45. Hey Jim: Come on out to Missouri for a visit sometime. We are home to Todd Akin and His Magic Vaginas. It turns out they're practicing for the next season of America's Got Talent. In all seriousness, I'm continually appalled at the average citizen's inability to critically evaluate these nonsensical claims.

    1. I wonder if that could be used for a lingerie football league team.
      The Missouri Magic Vaginas.

  46. This is why those ignorant fuckers in Texas want to ban critical thinking skills. No, seriously, it's in the 2012 Texas Republican party platform along with "abstinence-only" non-education. This way they can breed 'em young and keep 'em stupid their whole lives. Like religion and smoking, nobody grows up without GOP crapology and voluntarily gets into it as an adult.


    1. ...reminds me of the premise of "Brave New World", where children were conditioned vice educated. Their D- conditioning created a spontaneous reaction that caused them to abhor books, knowledge and sunlight. Critical thinking and natural curiosity had been drummed out of them right from birth--by design and for a very specific purpose...kooky, right?

      Regurgitated nonsense is much easier to swallow if you don't have the capacity to distinguish that you are actually swallowing shit.

  47. Thank you for this post, I have been most disturbed recently by this kind of wackery. I am in the area of Alaska where Franklin Graham has dumped lots of money and apparently owns a home. It seems that about 75% of the population is like this, but perhaps I am just running into lots of them. I stay to myself as I can't take any more crazy crap from these people. I have threatened to pelt someone with produce at Safeway and called for the manager to come with duct tape. It's like I have somehow slipped into another dimension where the logical thinking I am used to has been turned inside out. The fact that people believe all this crazy crap and repeat it over and over again explains why so much is done in a half-assed incompetent way here. Morons do things moronically. And, as I have experienced these kind of people are bullies and will retaliate viciously. They think on a very primitive tribal level and see people as either members of their in-group or enemies in an out-group. If you point out to them that what they are saying is not based in fact and that you would like to discuss the real problems with President Obama such as our decreasing rights, targeting citizens for assasination or his drone warfare they look dumbfounded and go right back to "Obama is a Muslim" or some other craziness they got in an email that day from their handlers. Not everyone is like this here, but I have PTSD(from being workplace bullied and injustice.)Having to listen to them actually triggers my PTSD because the workplace bullies and some of the people at the DOC and other agencies in this state are like these people. I could have never imagined in my life there were so many homo sapiens like this because I was used to intelligent people before I came to Alaska. I knew to stay away from the deep south, but did not know Alaska was a cold version of Mississippi or Georgia. They aren't just irritating, they are dangerous to individuals and society as a whole.

  48. There is some serious crazy out there. It makes my head melt. These poor lunatics need help.

  49. So are we going to taunt the Stupid and Reds on November 7th, or just go about our day quietly but with a smug look on our faces?

    1. I remember Michael Moore talking that way, in a Playboy interview, just before the 2004 election. Lots of stuff can happen between now and election day.

  50. I discovered you just a few days ago while spending a month in Mexico for total-immersion Spanish. Reading Nazis Part 2 reminded me of why I keep fantasizing about moving my whole family out of the country if Mittens is elected.

    People are so easily convinced that evrything wrong with their own lives is the fault of "those people" -- feminists, conservationists, nonwhites, muslims, you name it.

    I can remeber when most such biogoted fools kept that crap inside, at least until they had too many cheap beers down at the tavern n Saturday night. Now, Rush and his fellow bloviayors get rich off of feeding lies to the gullble -- especially
    white men who can't get over the fact that they're not automatically "better" than everyone else.

  51. Was the conversation between Red and Stupid taped?

  52. ...... but, how was the morning's burrito ???
    Good post (hope the cook spit in Red's order).

  53. You really need to get a GoPro and have it with you to capture your world. http://gopro.com/

    I'll bet that someday we'll be able to have them implanted in our eyes.

    The world needs more live video with yor sensibilities.

    I can't wait to see your first Video post.

  54. Rush Limbaugh has blames feminazis for the 10% reduction in size of the male genital. I would love to hear him explain how. But without any explanation other than his say so, his minions accept it as truth.

    I lived in Texas for 7 years. Not only is Mexican Independence day as big a celebration as the 4th of July, but you haven't lived until you have attended a party at the home of a successful attorney with a Mariachi band and mexican buffet and the host gets everyone's attention to read Col Travis' letter to Gen. Houston. I knew then we had made a misstate in moving to Texas.

    1. I wonder how Rash Lumpboy explains his own 50% reduction in size?????

  55. I think you can sum all this shit up in one word; projection. What they say Obama will do is exactly what these bug-farts would do themselves if they had half the chance.

  56. An Alaksan with an opinion on politics? Huh.
    Glad to see there is at least one sane person still in the state, I was beginning to wonder.


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