Update 1 : Moderation is off for this and the previous post. All older posts remain in moderation
Update 2: Wherein I answer your email concerns about the moderation policy.
Q: I hate moderation. I want my comment to appear right now!
A: Patience is a virtue. I have no idea why, but it’s in the bible so it must be true.
Q: But I really, really hate moderation.
A: Too bad. I don’t like trolls, and Ultra Conservative Right To Life trolls are an especially stupid and nasty bunch. Moderation stays on for now.
Q: FREEDOM!!! marg blurble ook ook! CONSTUTUTION! raff splarg BABIES!!! xlapoz ANTI-CHRIST!!! flif blor slurf USA USA!!!!?! (and so on)
A: I’m sorry, but internet law prohibits me from allowing your comment to post, erudite and articulate though it may be, without the express written permission of your attending mental healthcare professional. In triplicate. Via certified mail. Plus $5 shipping and handling. Also a signed and notarized statement saying that you’ve read and understand the restraining order.
Q: I followed your rules, ass-face. Why didn’t you let my comment post? You suck.
A: Because either a) you type like a monkey with a head injury (see previous item) and I have no idea what you’re trying to say, or b) you’re a lying piece of human jetsam who didn’t read the rules, or c) you read the rules but don’t think they apply to you. They do. Your comment goes in the bit bucket. Suck it up, Buttercup.
Q: OK, I went back and read your stupid rules, why didn’t you let my comment post? You suck hard.
A: Because I don’t like you, and I don’t like your attitude, and I don’t like what you have to say. I pay for this blog, I’m not going to pay for you to call me names or threaten me. I understand that some people enjoy that kind of thing, I don’t. Perhaps you should seek out a blog by a conservative senator or a prominent religious leader, I understand many of them will pay to be abused. As a bonus they might even snort crystal meth out of your belly button.
Q: I bet you won’t let my comment post. Because you know I’m right. I dare you to post my comment. Dare you.
A: Oh, well, since you dared me… wait, ha! You didn’t double dog dare me! No post for you!
Q: Fag. Nazi. Communist. Nazi. Socialist. Fag. Why don’t you move to Iran? Fag. Nazi. Why don’t you move to Canada? Communist. Fag. Nazi. Why don’t you just die. Hitler. Pussy. Fag. Nazi. Why do you hate America? Etcetera etcetera and so on. Nazi. Fag.
A: You left out stupid, lazy, and disrespectful (I will allow one bonus comment post if you get the reference).
Q: Fine, I’ll rephrase it in a manner that’s just as insulting but sounds more polite.
A: You’re still being a dickweasel and you’re just trying to start a shit fight. This isn’t the Yahoo News Forum, YouTube, or your mom.
Q: I am now laughing out loud. Ha Ha. Flame wars generate hit counts. You don’t even know to use the internet. You, sir, are a novice at this bloggering thing, and I will label you as such using a word composed of a mixture of numbers and letters and at least one symbol to demonstrate my superior grasp of things 4Chan like. Also, I will Laugh Out Loud again, in fact, I am so amused by your webbery ineptitude that I shall laugh until my buttocks fall right off. I am laughing right now. Laugh. Laugh laugh.
A: And yet, despite your assless chortling, I still manage to carry on.
Q: But, but, but, I’m quoting (Jesus, FoxNews, Ayn Rand, Ron Paul, Some guy at my church, some guy at the bar, Cthulhu, the voice in my head that sounds like Lambchop reading from Mein Kampf, all of the above) you have to let me post!
A: As amusing as that might be, no.
Q: You’re denying me my freedom of speech! First Amendment! First Amendment!
A: I look forward to hearing from your lawyer.
Q: You’re an arrogant prick and your blog sucks.
A: So does your mom, the difference is that my blog didn’t charge you for it.