Monday, February 27, 2012

Moderation Is On

Due to a sudden, though inevitable, infestation of Right To Life Trolls and other such obnoxious types, comment moderation is now on.
It will remain that way until further notice.
Comments will be reviewed immediately if I’m not asleep, and posted if they meet commenting rules. Comments posted during the night will be reviewed in the morning.

Update 1 : Moderation is off for this and the previous post.  All older posts remain in moderation


Update 2: Wherein I answer your email concerns about the moderation policy.

Q: I hate moderation. I want my comment to appear right now!
A: Patience is a virtue.  I have no idea why, but it’s in the bible so it must be true.

Q: But I really, really hate moderation.
A: Too bad.  I don’t like trolls, and Ultra Conservative Right To Life trolls are an especially stupid and nasty bunch. Moderation stays on for now.

Q: FREEDOM!!! marg blurble ook ook! CONSTUTUTION! raff splarg BABIES!!! xlapoz ANTI-CHRIST!!! flif blor slurf USA USA!!!!?! (and so on)
A: I’m sorry, but internet law prohibits me from allowing your comment to post, erudite and articulate  though it may be, without the express written permission of your attending mental healthcare professional.  In triplicate. Via certified mail. Plus $5 shipping and handling.  Also a signed and notarized statement saying that you’ve read and understand the restraining order.

Q: I followed your rules, ass-face. Why didn’t you let my comment post? You suck.
A: Because either a) you type like a monkey with a head injury (see previous item) and I have no idea what you’re trying to say, or b) you’re a lying piece of human jetsam who didn’t read the rules, or c) you read the rules but don’t think they apply to you.  They do.  Your comment goes in the bit bucket. Suck it up, Buttercup.

Q: OK, I went back and read your stupid rules, why didn’t you let my comment post? You suck hard.
A: Because I don’t like you, and I don’t like your attitude, and I don’t like what you have to say. I pay for this blog, I’m not going to pay for you to call me names or threaten me.  I understand that some people enjoy that kind of thing, I don’t.  Perhaps you should seek out a blog by a conservative senator or a prominent religious leader, I understand many of them will pay to be abused. As a bonus they might even snort crystal meth out of your belly button.

Q: I bet you won’t let my comment post.  Because you know I’m right.  I dare you to post my comment. Dare you.
A: Oh, well, since you dared me… wait, ha! You didn’t double dog dare me! No post for you!

Q: Fag. Nazi. Communist. Nazi. Socialist. Fag. Why don’t you move to Iran? Fag. Nazi. Why don’t you move to Canada? Communist. Fag. Nazi. Why don’t you just die.  Hitler. Pussy. Fag. Nazi. Why do you hate America? Etcetera etcetera and so on. Nazi. Fag.
A: You left out stupid, lazy, and disrespectful (I will allow one bonus comment post if you get the reference).

Q: Fine, I’ll rephrase it in a manner that’s just as insulting but sounds more polite.
A: You’re still being a dickweasel and you’re just trying to start a shit fight.  This isn’t the Yahoo News Forum, YouTube, or your mom.

Q: I am now laughing out loud. Ha Ha. Flame wars generate hit counts. You don’t even know to use the internet. You, sir, are a novice at this bloggering thing, and I will label you as such using a word composed of a mixture of numbers and letters and at least one symbol to demonstrate my superior grasp of things 4Chan like.  Also, I will Laugh Out Loud again, in fact, I am so amused by your webbery ineptitude that I shall laugh until my buttocks fall right off. I am laughing right now. Laugh. Laugh laugh.
A: And yet, despite your assless chortling, I still manage to carry on.

Q: But, but, but, I’m quoting (Jesus, FoxNews, Ayn Rand, Ron Paul, Some guy at my church, some guy at the bar, Cthulhu, the voice in my head that sounds like Lambchop reading from Mein Kampf, all of the above) you have to let me post!
A: As amusing as that might be, no.

Q: You’re denying me my freedom of speech!  First Amendment! First Amendment!
A: I look forward to hearing from your lawyer.

and finally

Q: You’re an arrogant prick and your blog sucks.
A: So does your mom, the difference is that my blog didn’t charge you for it.


  1. Just obnoxious types, not rabid poops pickled in religiosity?

  2. hey, i am a long time reader of griffin/IM (found him in the run-up to the 2008 elections and just kept reading till this day...) and he always has you in his sidebar of good AK blogs, so i knew of you.

    but i came over earlier today from fark politics, as most of your both nice and nasty new commentors did.....

    all i can say is sometimes it's good to be farked! hehehehaha.
    of the 460-some fark comments your post had generated as of my posting this i'd say the VAST majority agree with your sentiments to some degree, i agree whole-heartedly.

    but yeah, this kinda semi-viral exposure is actually good for the thoughts you so clearly expressed, and i'm sorry if it has also made your blog a target for nutters. hang in there!

  3. Troll trauma. Many blogs suffer from it. You're correct to make them sit in the waiting room until you have time to show them the door.

  4. But...but..those people are so great to have around, and such good ambassadors for their point of view.

  5. I frickin' HATE that these people - these hateful, awful people - get to make things harder for EVERYONE. I often think this is their goal; to be as obnoxious as possible and make thoughtful, polite people jump through stupid hoops to rein them in. Assholes.

  6. Good for you! Many folks do not comment as much as they fling their feces toward anyone that do not agree with. If they have a point of view, they can buy their own blog and decide whether or not to take the heat.

  7. I appreciate the effort, Jim. I've had to leave sites because the tolls take it over and drown out anything but their warped version of pink sky land.


  8. Thanks for actually, really moderating. It must be getting very, very, crowded under those bridges...

  9. I've had the same problem with the Randbots in the past (though I get maybe 1/100th of your readership), so I can certainly understand the need to pop on the moderation flag from time to time. After the second or third time telling the Randbots no, you don't get to invent your own reality on my blog, make your arguments work in *this* reality, I roll my eyes and turn on the mod-flag.

    Hopefully the idiots will go away after a while and you'll be able to ever-so-quietly turn off the mod flag without a re-infestation. That's how it's always worked for me, anyhow...

    - Badtux the Sympathetic Penguin

  10. I have long been of the opinion that moderation is the only way to maintain civility -- to say nothing of remaining within rifle shot of whatever the original topic might have been.

  11. If it's not too much trouble, I'd prefer to be extremed instead of moderated. Thanks.

  12. You have an a), b), and b) (again) in one of your answers. I suspect Chechnyan separatists.

    Perhaps if you put the trolls on double secret probation they'd behave better.

    Also, if they're quoting Cthulhu, I want to see them. Because you are not the boss of me.

    Thank you for your support.

  13. Oh come on, Jim. Everybody knows it's not a real dare until it's a triple dog dare. That's when it gets serious. Everything before that is just window dressing and posing.

  14. If the saying says "moderation in all things" how does one moderate moderately? If you moderate too liberally you will conserve civility.

    Thanks for sifting the turds out of the sandbox.

  15. What? Nobody got the reference yet? It's the Breakfast Club.

  16. I'm fine with moderating... I come here to read your works. As a result I sometimes find myself thinking new thoughts (or re-examining old ones) on the topic at hand and anything that makes me think is probably a good thing.

    I've actually stopped reading a couple of blogs out there because when I read the comments I occasionally get sucked into the "angry at the trolls that clearly didn't get the memo" mindset and it ruins my mood.

    Sincerely, The Breakfast Club.

  17. So, it sounds like all the people who are posting comments on Yahoo news articles have found you, eh? Dubious distinction that...

  18. If nature abhors a vacuum, then religion must suck, or blow, depending on which end of the "father" you're on.

    I don't know why I said that, it just seemed appropriate after reading your moderation post. Or it could be just too much beer.

  19. I knew it, some of the obnoxious types really are rabid poops pickled in religiosity.

  20. Lambchop reading from Mein Kampf


    Thank goodness I'd finished my drink, or my monitor would have been wearing it.

  21. Breakfast Club Reference! Shot! Shot! SHOT! (No Dad, WHAT about YOU??_

  22. Damn curiosity anyway. You got me to look up Cthulhu, The Breakfast Club, and, best yet, Curebit. "That’s awkward" is quite the understatement.


    Thanks for expanding my horizons.

  23. Thanks for the moderation. I enjoy reading your comment thread sometimes as much as the post, and frequently send my coffee through my nose. Some of the right-wing religious fanatics that post to blog threads one can reasonably presume they are so narrow-minded that they could peek through a key hole with both eyes. Thanks again.

  24. "Lambchop reading from Mein Kampf".....Sailor, you are OUT THERE! If I didn't know better I would have pegged you for a sub rider. They always seem a little.....off.

    But, then I've bounced my head off too many foreign drop zones. I think I've picked up some Hispano-Islamo-Surrender Monkey brain waves by osmosis and hits to the skull. I sometimes, actually understand where you are going with this stuff.

    Keep it up. Even if you don't change anything, you can still crank their BP to aneurysm stage.

  25. hahahahahaha.

    I don't mind moderation. It makes me feel safe and happy.

    There are always other places to go if I want to pick
    a bloody fight dispatching my rhetorical enemies like old clipped toenails . . .
    Sometimes. Other times I get whupped and sent back like a sad puppy to safe
    and funny as hell places--like this one.

  26. Shit, Jim.
    Moderation is really a pain in the ass (for the Moderator.)
    Don't ask me how I know.
    Maybe you could put in a filter that deletes anything that contains "Jim, you [derogatory noun].
    Best of luck.

  27. I'm of two minds about this. Certainly I want you to become better known and more widely read, so I've been sharing your posts with abandon on FB. On the other hand, I hate it that you are being plagued by funnymentalists.

  28. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I appreciate your blog and hate when the trolls attempt to derail the interesting discussions that follow each post. Even among friends (who allow friends of friends to comment) on fb, it seems there is a lack of civility when people disagree.

  29. Sir, I actually thank you. Lord, this was looking like a Yahoo post for Zeus' sake (yes grammar police an apostrophe goes AFTER the 's' if the word ends in it. Look it up.)

    And, btw, how do you know my mom?

  30. Two new favorite phrases: Assless chortling (really, you can't go wrong with any kind of chortling...I LOVE that word), and "So does your mom."

    Also, I'm always getting flotsam and jetsam mixed up, so props on correct and absolutely hilarious usage!

    1. I was a sailor, I'm supposed to know the difference.

    2. "Flotsam" floats, and don't spit to windward.

    3. Flotsam floats for sure. Maybe jetsam is all the flotsam humans jettison overboard. As a sailor Jim, I bet you've seen some very serious jetsam become flotsam or more than likely drop to the bottom of the sea to become sea junk.

    4. I had to look it up - Flotsam is the debris of a shipwreck, jetsam is stuff intentionally jettisoned.

      And that little bit of info is probably now going to crowd a useful piece of information (like my phone number) right out of my brain!

    5. Well, Navy folks often use the term "shipwreck" to refer to the same kind of people I used the term flotsam on.

      Also, I'll second Anonymous, never spit to windward, especially on the bridge-wing with the XO seated in the wing chair behind you. Just saying.

  31. OK, you need 2 further buttons: "I laughed so hard I peed myself" and "I love you!". You can't be my God sorry, already got one Who seems to be very adequate. BUT I do love you!!!! and yes, I changed my pants.

    1. I would just like to add that I will likewise never hit the "You are my God" button for religious reasons.

    2. Story of my life, I only seem to attract incontinent women.

  32. As I don't suffer from the curse of a popular blog I have never had to fight of the rampaging hordes of trolls and such-like. Let's hope this does not create so much extra work for our gracious host as to reduce the time he has to write more posts. My favourite quote for this will be "moderation is for monks" but Lazarus always did have a way with words.

  33. You may want to make it clear to your readers, or maybe just commentors, that the First Amendment only applies to government. You, Mr. Wright, may censor whatever you like for whatever reason on your own blog.

    1. I figure if they don't actually know that (since such is clearly stated in the extended commenting rules), it's not my job to tell them.

      Way I figure, they might as well assume that I have vast governmental powers.

    2. shhhh.

      Bogus constitutional claims = more efficient moderation.

      Anyway they are already experts, and not inclined to learn new tricks.

  34. I have been a fan of your blog since it was first linked on fark.com quite a while back. I have seen my share of weird comments from the hard right, and left, whackaloons. Moderation is probably the best thing to tame the over the top insanity.
    Although from time to time it's fun to see just how far down some Americans can sink in order to justify their somewhat eccentric view point. Some of them have actually figured out how to use spell check.

    Some other weblog sites actually congregate and post the best of the worst for amusement purposes (Daily Kos). The humor aspect should be given a few minutes thought, but probably not much more than that.

    Love your blog.

    1. Oh, you know, I got some hate mail from Jesus earlier today (He's got a Yahoo account, go figure).

      You're quite likely to see a post on this and other hate mail in the near future.

    2. A "Best of my Hate Mail" post would be fantastic! I honestly don't think much will change politically in the near future until the generally disinterested center realizes that these people are really, honestly, and totally unhinged and begin to react with votes. Wow, does that thought make me a Utopian Idealist? I used to be what was considered a moderate Republican before we became endangered.

      Hey, anyone know how to get an animal on the endangered species list? I'd like to see Republicanus Moderentis there. (Sorry 4 years of Latin and that's the best I can do)

  35. I am with Susan Duckett -you need a button that says "laughed so hard I peed my pants."
    Your writing talent is amazing.

    1. I have yet to laugh so hard I've peed my pants, I have however spewed hot coffee via nostrils to screen and keyboard. I don't actually have coffee in my mouth when I read Jim anymore.

      I am looking forward to the hate mail from Jesus, Yahoo? Holy trinity has the man no sense of propriety. Jesus.ag is available from Go Daddy

    2. So can nasal spewing and incontinence be considered high praise for Jim? Why of course!! Beats shit throwing anyday!

  36. I have a dilemma and my wife suggested that you could be the solution.

    I've been recently been accosted several times by people thanking me for my service. Generally speaking, these people never served or even seriously thought about serving in anything approaching military or social service. It feels creepy and kinda makes me want to ask if they want Fries with that.

    Am I being an asshole, a curmudgeon, too sensitive, or does this kind of thing strike you as being just another Romney moment?

    1. My husband is one of those. I cringe when he does it and he really is sincere but I know it puts you guys on the spot. I may show him your post. Maybe he'll get it. Can't speak for other people who do this but it strikes me as being a way to draw attention to themselves; you know, "see how righteous I am! I'm thanking the military!" Bet they don't thank their garbarge man for doing his job. I do appreciate the military. I also appreciate nurses like me who put up with shit day in and day out. My patients appreciate me; some say so, others don't. But I've never been approached in public when I was wearing scrubs and had someone tell me so. I think I would feel the same way you do.

    2. my wife suggested that you could be the solution

      Tell your wife that the first one is free, but I charge for any advice after that.

      Am I being an asshole, a curmudgeon, too sensitive...

      None of the above. Or all of the above. Pick your poison.

      For what it's worth, I myself am uncomfortable when I'm approached and thanked by strangers for my military service. Most of us are.

      See, we're not supposed need or want that gratitude, are we? We're supposed to serve out of a sense of selfless duty, out of patriotism, out of honor, or because the country needs us, or because it's our job.

      You're not supposed to feel good about being thanked for your sacrifice - especially when many times it doesn't feel like such a sacrifice. Especially when our brothers and sisters in arms often gave much, much more. Especially when so many of us didn't come home. And yet here we are mostly hale and healthy and walking around, that is supposed to be thanks enough.

      We've been conditioned to believe that we do what we do because it serves a higher purpose, not because we might get some kind of personal validation from others. And this is a good thing because free societies should neither create nor worship a warrior class. We do what we do out of duty, not because it makes us superior citizens.

      But we all secretly want that? Don't we? We want those who didn't serve to at least acknowledge our service. We want to know that they know that we're out there busting our asses for them, out there in the mud and the blood and the shit while they're home screwing our sweethearts and taking our jobs and going to college and living their goddamned lives. We want them to know how lucky they are. Don't we?

      And that kind of makes us assholes.

      At least that's what we've been led to believe. We do what we do because it's our job, our duty, and we'd do it even if nobody gave a damn, even if every civilian thinks we're dimwitted knuckle dragging goons who couldn't get a real job, even if every TV show and Hollywood movie continues to show us day in and day out as slobbering warmongering cardboard cutout jarhead robot stereotypes who scream YES SIR! and secretly scheme to take over the country.

      And so, when somebody thanks us, we feel cognitive dissonance. We feel guilty, because we're not supposed to need that validation. Because in our minds it feels wrong.

      And it gets worse, because so often it feels like "Thanks for your service" is the new "have a nice day." It sometimes feels phony and obsequious and something people do because America has this big giant guilt complex over how they treated veterans after Korea and especially Vietnam.

      HOWEVER most of the time that's all projection on our part. Most of time people are simply expressing their sincere gratitude for what we do. They don't know that we carry this baggage around with us. They just want you to know that your service is appreciated, that they appreciate it. They see us on the news, they see the terrible things we do, they know that many of us come back damaged, and they can't do anything about it and they often feel guilty for not serving themselves - so they thank you. You were taught that in uniform you're an Ambassador for America, out of uniform, as a vet, you're a representative for all those who can no longer be thanked. You represent all those who have served, who have fallen, who have returned damaged. It's your duty, it's part of that oath your swore - not the one to the Constitution, but the unspoken one to your brothers and sisters in arms.

      Take the expressions of gratitude in the spirit offered, if not for yourself then do it for all those still out there in the dark and dangerous corners of the world.

    3. To add a bit from a one term enlistee

      On Veterans Day and Memorial being thanked doesn't bother me, the rest of the time it is 'the Army in its infinite wisdom sent me to Europe not to Viet Nam, thank them'.

    4. Brother, I'm gonna second the CWO on this. Understand most just "know" how hard it is to be troop, and want to say thanks. Be the ambassador for your friends who can't be thanked.

    5. I agree with Jim and fng and for that matter my WWII and Korea medically retired dad who said the same...take the thanks of those who offer graciously on behalf of those who never came home....you don't need to say anything other than "You're welcome. Thank you."
      PS Thank you for moderating, Jim, whenever you do. I for one appreciate not having to use a machete to get through the trolls.

  37. Jim, I thought you might like to have a look at this:


    Delete away if it's inappropriate placed.

  38. I know I'm late to the party, I discovered this blog today! I like the moderation policy, it keeps the conversation going without keeping away thoughtful people.

    A blog I used to like was destroyed, I should say, the comment section of a blog I used to like was destroyed by trolls, so much that I will read the posts, but no comments. It got too depressing. And no moderation was done.

    I look forward to reading past posts, and future ones, too!

  39. Hey Jim, you might wanna upgrade the soundproofing on the Comment Moderation Gulag, the anguished and tormented shrieks of Internet Trolls Denied is getting a little distracting... Also, I think the Psycho-Christians have eaten the Randbots and mated with the Paultards, and while I'm slightly terrified to see what they've produced, I am willing to help you take up a shotgun and flamethrower to brave the murky, twisted depths and assist in ending The Things That Should Not Be.

    But... You take the flamethrower. And you go first.

  40. "You left out stupid, lazy, and disrespectful (I will allow one bonus comment post if you get the reference)."

    Umm ... "The Breakfast Club"?

    P.S. - Best. FAQ. Ever.


Comments on this blog are moderated. Each will be reviewed before being allowed to post. This may take a while. I don't allow personal attacks, trolling, or obnoxious stupidity. If you post anonymously and hide behind an IP blocker, I'm a lot more likely to consider you a troll. Be sure to read the commenting rules before you start typing. Really.