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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Scream and Shout!

When in danger, when in doubt,
run in circles, scream and shout
                       
- Naval adage

 

Chuck Norris isn't scared of anybody.

Anybody.

Well, OK, almost anybody.

There appears to be one exception.

There is one person that just plain frightens the jujitsu out of old Chuck.

What could possibly terrify Chuck Norris?

After all he’s a tough dude. A force of nature is Chuck Norris, right?

Chuck Norris is the guy who has a grizzly bear rug in his living room, the bear isn’t dead, it’s just afraid to move. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door, he’s the reason Waldo is in hiding, he created the giraffe by kicking a horse in the chin, he can make fire by rubbing two ice cubes together, and he can cut through a hot knife with a stick of butter.

Death once had a near-Chuck experience.

You know what they say, “Behind Chuck Norris' beard is another fist.”

But what you may not know is that behind Chuck's chin hammer, and right under that road-killed Pomeranian we're all supposed to believe is his actual manly Kung Fu hair, is a paranoid full-frontal bug-eyed, booger-eating, batshit-crazy wackaloon.

And that wackaloon is scared shitless.

What scares Chuck Norris

Who turns Chuck’s sinewy bowels to water and makes his muscular lower lip tremble and causes him to lay awake at night clutching the sheet over his head in the dark peeking out at the closet door?

I’ll give you a hint.

He’s tall and black and lives in the White House.

Back in January, Norris wrote an OpEd in World Net Daily (because really, where else, right?) in which he proclaimed "civilization is on the brink."

Oh noes!

Not the brink!

What will we do? What will we do?

Civilization is on the brink! The Brink!

If only there was a bearded hero to save us! Somebody who could karate chop the National Debit and roundhouse kick social issues back into the Stone Age with the other Neanderthals – all the while glaring ferociously and growling simpleminded patriotic platitudes. If only there was a guy like that. Why he’d kill the Taliban and introduce the Muslims to God personally. He’d scare gays straight and perform traditional marriages himself. He’d kick the sick right out of people so they wouldn’t even need healthcare, socialized or otherwise. He’d stop gang violence with a single raised hairy eyebrow and kill Nazi Communists with just a stern look. Yeah, if only there was a guy like that.

Despite eight months of sustained economic growth since his dire warning, this last Labor Day weekend Chuck Norris doubled down.  He and his wife, Gena, released a YouTube video:


 

Apparently if Barack Obama wins reelection, it will will usher in a “thousand years of darkness.”

A thousand years of darkness. 

A thousand years.

Of darkness.

Ten centuries. Of darkness.

A whole millennium. Of inky black darkness.

If Mitt Romney doesn’t win, folks, it’s one thousand years of darkness.

I suppose I should probably pick up a couple packs of extra flashlight batteries on the way home from the voting booth, just in case.

It never ceases to amaze me how folks like Chuck Norris and the rest of these good God fearing patriots, people who loudly claim to be better Americans than all the rest of us combined and then some, how these people seem to have so little faith in the United States. So little faith in the democracy they profess to love above all else.  Norris and the rest of the conservative talking heads, hell, the whole goddamned Republican party, seem to think that the men who designed this country, who wrote the Constitution and formed the Union, those folks whom they revere as god-like, infallible, without flaw or weakness and who they quote endlessly … were somehow so damned stupid and short sighted that they designed a system that could be destroyed by a single man in an afternoon. 

For the life of me, I can’t figure out why these people are so gung ho to defend a system that they demonstrate so little faith in.

Of course, even they – crazy as they are – know that our system of government prevents any single ordinary human being from destroying the United States. Or taking over. That’s why people like Chuck Norris, a man supposedly not scared by any ordinary man, can’t let Barack Obama be ordinary. Obama has to be the Anti-Christ, Satan, the Devil, a robot alien reptile in a rubber human suit, a slinking communist, a scheming Muslim, a Kenyan, the Magic Negro.  He can’t just be a guy they disagree with, he has to be bigger than that.

Because if he’s not, how then do you scare everybody else into voting against him?

The video appears to have been shot in the Norris home gym.  I have to wonder if every room in the Norris Mansion flies the American flag, or just in the Dojo.

I also wonder if the rank odor of unwashed jock straps combined with too much discount toupee glue, not to mention repeated blows to the frontal lobes, hasn’t left Chuck a bit addlepated.

If you can’t bring yourself to actually watch the video, the Norrises (Norrisi?) spend about two minutes quoting Edmund Burke and Ronald Reagan out of context and basically manage to come across looking like exactly what they are – a pair of frightened prototypical TEA Party loons who’ve spent far too much time in a low oxygen environment killing brain cells with copious amounts of conservative talk radio.

Chuck Norris isn't scared of anybody.

Except for Barack Obama.

"Our great country and freedom are under attack. We are at a tipping point and quite possibly our country as we know it could be lost forever if we don't change the course our country is headed."

Could possibly maybe sort of. There’s that biblical certainty Evangelicals are so well known for right there. Oh yes, I’m frightened now.

Mrs. Chin-Fist chimed in with a dire warning of her own:

"We will preserve for our children this last best hope for man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into one thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done."

She was paraphrasing Ronald Reagan’s iconic speech, A Time for Choosing, in which he endorsed Barry Goldwater for president in 1964.  Back then Reagan was just another has-been actor with artificially enhanced hair, sort of like somebody else we could name. Just as a point of order, in that speech Reagan warned that we were about to take the last step into a thousand years of inky black darkness, not the first.  Now, far be it from me to question paranoid conservative mental acuity, but if America took the last step in 1964 I’m not quite sure how we take the first step in 2012 – but then creationism math has never been my strong suite.

"You and I have a rendezvous with destiny,” Reagan assured Goldwater. 

Turns out Reagan was wrong. Wrong about the darkness. Wrong about the rendezvous. Wrong about destiny.

And Reagan didn't win the election for Barry Goldwater either, despite warning everybody that the world would literally end if they didn’t vote Republican. 

It didn’t work for Reagan, but, hell, maybe Chuck Norris can scare Americans into voting Republican this time around.

Say, did anybody else notice that conservatives were once sweet on the name Barry? No? Just me then. Right.

So anyway, as I was sa… wait, what?

Hold the hell on here. Just hold on. Back the Kung Pow Chicken up. Say that again, Gena. Willard Romney is the last best hope for man on earth?

Romney is mankind’s only hope? Mitt Romney?

Mankind’s only hope is nicknamed Mitt?

OK, she didn’t actually say “Mitt Romney” but unless Wookie Jesus is in the running, who the hell else could she possibly mean?

Mitt Romney is the last best hope for man?

You’re kidding me, right? You’re married to Chuck Fucking Norris, and Mitt Romney is your last best hope?

It’s Mitt Romney in IMAX 3D! The Last Best Hope For Mankind On Earth. Dant dant Daaaah! Costarring Chuck Chin-Fist Norris and Seamus the Wonder Mutt. They did all that they could. For America! For the children. For the children’s children. And the children’s children’s children. And some other kids. And Wall Street. In theaters this November! Dant Dant Daaaaaaaah! Also, Kung Fu.

Gena Norris also warns that America has a "rendezvous with destiny.”

Destiny again.

Really? A thousand years of soul destroying darkness isn’t enough?

It isn’t enough that the savior’s name is Mittens?

No, we have to rendezvous with destiny too? And really what’s that destiny going to be? Oceans rise! Mountains burn! And a giant comet streaks towards earth! It’s the size of Rush Limbaugh, Mr. President! Only Walker, Texas Ranger and a plucky band of out of work oil rig workers who didn’t graduate high school but are really, really good at boozing and making wisecracks, can save the day! Also, Wookie Jesus. And Nazis – because, really, there are always Nazis, right?

They could probably get Hank Williams Jr. to do the soundtrack.

“We’ve got a Muslim for a President who hates cowboys, hates cowgirls, hates fishing, hates farming, loves gays, and we hate him!”

That was Hank last Sunday at the Texas Stockyard Music Festival.  He’s said stuff like this before, this time he added in gay farmers. Needless to say, Hank was cheered by the crowd – it was Texas after all.  Last year he got himself into some hot water by comparing President Obama to Hitler – because, really, Obama wanted to give everybody affordable healthcare, Hitler gassed six million Jews and blew up Europe. The similarity is striking, right?

President Obama, of course, isn’t actually a Muslim, and he isn’t actually Adolf Hitler – but then Hank Williams Jr. isn’t actually a cowboy either so I suppose it all works out in the end.  Personally, at this point I think Hank and Ted Nugent should probably get gay-married, but I understand that’s not legal in Texas.

Yet.

Methinks, somebody, and I’m not saying who, has watched about one too many Kung Fu movies.

 

They say that Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep, he waits.

He might want to stop waiting and take a nap because people who don’t sleep go psychotic.

And frankly, at this point? It looks like Clint Eastwood might be the sanest guy in the room.

77 comments:

  1. OK, you've convinced me...after 6 months of quietly reading, I'm voting in November...as many times as the ghost of LBJ down here in Texas will let me...Chuck has finally OD'd on infomercials...all will be for naught if I don't. Thank you again, Chief!!!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. LBJ followed his heighbor the Kingfish's advice: vote early and vote often!

      Delete
    2. Or as they once sang in Boston:

      Vote often and early
      For James Michael Curley!

      Delete
  2. And even Clint's easily outclassed by the chair he was ranting at.

    I didn't even know furniture COULD look embarrassed to be in the room...

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    1. Ok, this comment is the icing on the cake of my enjoyment of Jim's post. Thanks much!

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    2. Agreed.

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  3. How many batteries do you need for a thousand years of darkness?

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    Replies
    1. Lemme get my creationist math calculator and figure it out.

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  4. Another excellent, got it just right Jim, article. Thanks!

    Besides the fact that they're both batshit crazy & the holiest of the holy evangelicals spouting their "awesome prophecies," they did give me one memorable moment in time when they appeared on Howard Stern's defunct TV show. I didn't say good, I said memorable. The conversation between them all was one of the raunchiest I'd ever heard. Had to turn it off in the middle of it. Mr. & Mrs. holy-roller Norris were laughing & kept adding more salacious details about their sex life & I'm not a prude by any means. Howard loved them & lavished praise upon their holy heads. That was before he publicly started anointing the most extreme of the extremists on the right. That was when his TV show was still on and the fanatics were still under their rocks - the good old days.

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  5. What's he complaining about? The GOP and their Benevolent Oil and Gas Overlords have wanted to kill the upstart solar power industry for years!

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  6. So which part of the story are we at? Delta Force takes down ToysRUs? Helms Deep or the showdown at the pointy town with the dead tree? Do we get Orcs AND Zombies with our darkness? And when do the X-Men and Avengers join with Chuck to save the day? More importantly, do Black Widow, Storm and Dejah Thoris finally strip off in the hot tub? (Actually, that's more of a personal interest than part of the story.....but, anyway....where were we?) Darkness and Chuck, yeah.

    What we also need is a new Will Smith composed of all of his action movie characters smooshed into one stunning super-Mike Lowrey to defend us from the darkness. (Except for Wild Wild West, which sucked). But Will Smith is a black man, and that will not do for Chuck Norris. Toss in James T. Kirk and Neo and we will kick Darkness' ASS.

    Hope is not a plan, but we can pull this off a save the planet for the next 6 sequels.

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    1. I think we're right before where Leroy Jenkins goes nuts...

      :)

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    2. I don't even want to try to purge my mind of the image of Dejah Thoris stripping in the hot tub. Please , lord, don't let those be Martian silicon jobs . . .

      JxB

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  7. I agree. It is Chuck's hair glue. And for Mrs. Thousand Years of Darkness--the bleach.

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  8. I'm sorry, Chuck Norris is just as big a blowhard as he was back in the 70s. He beat Joe Lewis 3 out of 4 times on small point margins back in the 60s point tournament days, then when Joe and Bill Wallace and Benny Urquidez joined the first full contact federations, he wussed out and "retired" to acting. His reputation for toughness is all Hollywood - he never took Joe's invitation to come into the full contact ring.

    So all this "Chuck Norris is so tough" bullshit is as big a crazy notion as anything else Chuck has to sell, it's just that you all in the general population are now figuring out what we in sport martial arts knew back in the 70s and 80s. Behind Chuck Norris's beard is a man afraid to stick it out for 10 rounds in a real fight where the action doesn't stop when you score a point.

    I wonder. If he had taken some full contact knocks to the head back in the day - would he be even crazier now?

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  9. My middle son says: "Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is." Now I do, too. In fantasyland.

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  10. I've gotta say, it warms my heart to see the evangelical community become so cool with Mormonism these days. Not a giant fan of Mormonism myself, per se, but I wonder if this is the toe in the door crack so to speak...

    Imagine if we were able to keep a black man (or a woman of any hue) in the Presidency for the next several terms. The Republicans might get increasingly desperate and maybe nominate a Jew next time (I think there's one or two in the party), or maybe find someone from a non-Abrahamic religion -how about Shinto? Maybe even run an atheist or two! Pretty soon the poor confused evangelicals might forget which others they're supposed to find loathsome, and of whom they should be fearful, and then they could finally drop right out of American politics.

    (Of course, this leaves right-field entirely open to Big Oil, Big Pharma and Big Finance, but they already own the stadium on paper any way.)

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  11. How do Chuck and his wife square their worry about our religious beliefs with his ownership of a strip club in Moscow?

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  12. Somewhat interesting to compare the sentiments in that video with the tenets of the martial art the man founded. Among them are the following:

    - I will look for the good in all people and make them feel worthwhile.
    - If I have nothing good to say about a person, I will say nothing.
    - I will always be as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.
    - I will maintain an attitude of open-mindedness.
    - I will maintain respect for those in authority and demonstrate this respect at all times.

    Well done, Mr Norris. You're setting a wonderful example there.

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    1. Good Lord! Next you'll are going to start pointing out that GOP Christianity has nothing to do with the teachings of Christ!! 0:->

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  13. Well it makes sense that Chuck and his whack-a-doodle wife are endorsing Mitt instead of Barack, after all Mitt would be fully protected from Chuck's Kung Fu Flying Fists Of Pain by his magic underwear. You see I bet Chuck wouldn't want to cause Mare-ka to inadvertently end up in a thousand years of darkness if he lost his temper and took out Mittens with a round house kick to the gonads. After all a secretly Muslim Magic Negro wouldn't be able to withstand a full on confrontation between Chuckie and his right hand invisible pal Jeebus. So one disagreement and there go the lights.

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  14. Yep.... a good soldier always hits his target! Bulls-eye again Jim.

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  15. I couldn't open it. Why ruin a good day? But there really should be another category to click in addition to 'you are my god' -- that's not quite good enough.

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    1. That would be an affront to such a man as yourself, Jim.

      How about "You are my Teddy Roosevelt?"

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    2. Chuck Norris? Why would anyone want to insult you like that? And who would dare?

      I heard Jim Wright's wood-turning lathe is pedal-powered. When the polar bears get tired, the ridin'-grizzly takes over.

      Jim doesn't have a DOG-sled. He has a team of eight wild moose. They tie themselves on just so he doesn't have to go to any trouble.

      An 8-moose-pulled sled happens to be the symbol of the Alaskan Bull-Moose Progressive Party. Or so I've heard.

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    3. I heard the real reason Jim retired from the Navy was that his awesome was overheating the engines of passing ships, and they were running out of coolant.

      The only thing that can cut glass? Diamonds. What cuts diamonds? Jim's icy glare.

      One of Jim's Birch Bowls was once used to contain a nuclear explosion. And now to touch it is to be bestowed with superhuman crime-fighting powers.

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    4. Personally, I stopped telling chuck Norris stories a while ago. Replaced 'em with either Fred Williamson tales, or Jim Brown epics.

      "When Jim Brown's daughter lost her virginity, her went out and got it back"...

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  16. Sane Texans say, Thank You, Warrant!

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  17. My most consistent question to the religious fundamentalist evangelical Tea Party Republican we're right and you're wrong these days? "Prove it."

    So often their assertions are disproved by simply scratching the surface, or tilting ones head. Other times it takes a little digging and may be some math. All of which they're seemingly incapable of on any count.

    To Mr. and Mrs. Norris? Prove it. Prove we're at the end times. Prove we're headed toward a thousand years of darkness. Prove it.

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    1. That's the nice thing about being a teavangelical, though. You have all the proof you need in that thar Bible, so long as you ignore context and quote as selectively as possible.

      What more proof do you need than "God says so?"

      Of course, they're idiots, so there's that, too

      Delete
  18. You know, there is another political figure that Norris is afraid of. His name is Jesse Ventura. Ventura is the kind of politician that Norris always wanted to be but did not have the moral integrity or the courage to be. Norris was a zoomie mechanic, Ventura was a Navy SEAL. Norris is beholden to a major political party, Ventura ran as a third party candidate for a major office and WON. Norris caves to party ideology. Ventura bucked the party ideology of both parties and worked hard to break their monopoly.

    While I don't agree with all of Ventura's policies or positions one thing he will never be is a political whore. Ventura is his own man. That is one thing Norris will never be.

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  19. Idiotshock & hysteria is soooooooo much easier than thinking. The guy is obviously either too lazy to think, or too scared of thinking something of which his (idiotshocking, unthinking hysterical) partner might disapprove.

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  20. My local newspaper actually runs Chuck Norris's weekly verbal vomit on the Op-Ed page every Friday. Sometimes I manage to get all the way through the article without laughing, crying, or gagging; other times, not so lucky. But yeah. Far eastern New Mexico is functionally indistinguishable from far west Texas. Yee-haw, yippee....

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  21. I was harangued by a couple people about this very topic in nearly the exact same words in February of this year. I suspected Glen Beck, but Chuck Norris is more their guy. What an absolute idiot.

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  22. Don't know what's gonna happen first - - you run out of words or they run out of crazy.
    So much material. it's comforting that the multiple arrangement and combination of 26 letters can do so much.
    Keep up the good job.

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  23. Yeah, the first thing that came to mind when I heard "1000 years of darkness" was nazis. The nazis were supposed to last for a thousand years, according to them, correct?

    So, I think this is just another nazi reference being thrown at Obama, but this time it's Chuck Norris making the slur? Alot of people laugh at how ridiculous Glenn Beck and his forebear Rush Limbaugh are, "HAhaha, who would believe that shit, hahaha".

    But then Clint Eastwood makes the throat slitty motion in reference to Obama and Chuck Norris is warning us of a thousand years of fascism and one has to wonder if people are seriously underestimating the poison that is being spread.

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  24. I had a rendezvous with Destiny once - but it was warm and oily and there was a lot of alcohol involved so I might have missed the important parts. It was somewhere on the south coast of Spain. But there was no darkness, really, except for that one evening the power went out. And no nazis or last hopes (Though she looked a bit like Elsa Schneider from Last Crusade). Good times...

    What sibusisodan said at 0541. Sorry, Chuck. You're a hypocrite. And a racist. Unfortunately, some people will listen closely to what you have to say simply because they think you're all that...

    Thanks, Jim - spot on, again.

    ::goes back to watching Bruce Lee flick::

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  25. Let me see if I got this straight. Re-electing one Black guy is going to put out the sun? A thousand years of darkness? Uh. From a planetary physics standard, more than 24 hours of sunlessness would destroy our ecosphere and all life on the planet. 1000 years. NOPE. Not even Dr. Strangelove could keep us alive in the mines that long.

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  26. You'd think that for neo-Nazis like Norris, Obama's Nazism would be a selling point.

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  27. The only reason Chuck Norris is still alive is because he's too scared to die.

    Why is Chuck Norris scared?

    Bruce Lee is waitin' for him.

    So I guess that makes him scared of both two people of color. If Obama is the "Magic Negro" -- what is Lee?

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  28. Why did I, while watching this clip, keep thinking of a hostage video?

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  29. If Romney is our only hope, I'm moving out of the country!
    The Texas heat must have gotten to Chucky. What a joke he has become.

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  30. Sometimes I just wish there was a way to give all the " teavangelical" (thanks, Will of The People, I have to remember that one) exactly what they are asking for without having to suffer the consequences along with them. I can't think of a more fitting fate.

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    1. Totally agreem Dana. They keep threatening to "go Galt," and I keep telling them they should. I'd love to see what happens to them when they try to form their own society based on their dumbass principles. But then, we kind of already have an example of their "no government, every man for himself" philosophy in the world. It's called Somalia. Never been there myself, but I hear tell it's not exactly Eden.

      Oh, and as much as I wish I could take credit for "teavangelicals," I've seen it in a lot of places, and it just really seems to fit. Hope it sticks

      Delete
  31. Regular "New" math really messed me up. This Creationist math now has my mind in pretzels.

    About that rendezvous with destiny, they spelled it wrong, it's Destiny with a "D" and she's a lot of fun after hours they say, but expensive.

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  32. The US is not a democracy.

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  33. "scare everybody into voting against him"
    This is what pisses me off the most, scare con work.
    As a carpenter, you can call me to your house for a quote for some work on your front porch. There may be some rot at the base of a post and as it sits, it's not a big problem other than being unsightly. I could rant on in great detail of the dangers and potential law suits etc. of this post failing (children, grandchildren) and highly recommend that it be repaired immediately or at least let me explore deeper ($$) for your safety. While in reality, it's just the trim that's rotten, I can take a good guess at it but you might not have any clue so I'll scare you into the work if possible. Same with plumbers same with the republican party!

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    1. I didn't watch the video, I never ever liked Chuck, his eyes always bothered me even as a kid. Now he's a dick!

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    2. Couldn't be. A dick only has one eye.
      Though he does have the same IQ.

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  34. They will never run out of crazy . . .

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  35. Just when you think they've hit bottom on stupid, you realize they have a full basement to go.

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    1. Hit bottom? I wish!

      They. Are. Still. Digging.

      The Texas Republican Party adopted in their platform the desire to block the teaching of "critical thinking skills". QED.

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    2. Not to mention the sub-basements below the full basement. Unfortunately, there seems to be no limit to how low they can sink. I just wish they'd bury themselves while they're in their basements and not come out.
      bls

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  36. Do you think Chuck could perform the gay wedding ceremony between Hank and Ted? Maybe somewhere near Waco Texas in a compound?

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  37. In that video, Chuck and wifey look like a couple of action figure dolls in a Robot Chicken episode... especially her!

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  38. " Obama has to be the Anti-Christ, Satan, the Devil, a robot alien reptile in a rubber human suit, a slinking communist, a scheming Muslim, a Kenyan, the Magic Negro."

    COMBINED!!! He has to be ALL OF THOSE AT THE SAME TIME!

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  39. Are the Norrisi supposed to give such warnings and pleas as poorly projected holograms projected out of R2D2's butt?

    "Help us Mittster, you're our only hope."

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  40. Heh! Good one, Jim!

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  41. Once again, you put into words the ridiculousness of it all. And your commenters are nearly as clever as you! I'd laugh harder and longer, but this stuff is really pretty scary.

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  42. Just when I thought his Total Gym infomercials with Christie Brinkley were the scariest pieces of video that his image and voice could be attached to he drops this gem on us. Yikes.

    Your dissection of it had me sitting in front of my computer laughing out loud. If this piece of tripe existed only for you to be able to comment upon it, then it would have served a noble purpose.

    Sadly there are those out there (at least Chuck and his wife) who believe it should be taken seriously. That is truly terrifying.

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  43. This is what I hate about senile actors in politics.

    A younger, coherent actor would notice if he got his Dungeons and Dragons 2 script mixed up with his political ads. Next week I'll be watching SyFy and see Chuck tell a Hobbit that if the Dark Lord gets the amulet, he'll get a five point bump in the polls.

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  44. Aside from making eloquent sense, as usual, this was screamingly funny. You rock.

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  45. Jesse Ventura a S.E.A.L.??
    Carlos Ray afraid??
    People will believe anything!

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  46. One corporation's thousand years of darkness is another human's thousand years of light

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  47. I am trying to forgive you for this video and the mental image http://driftglass.blogspot.com/ left me with today of " George Will and Bill Kristol butt-scoot their crazy all over it's (WaPos) pages", but it may take some time.
    I think I will watch once again Clint's empty chair interview to put my brain into a nice gentle wash and rinse cycle.

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  48. I am so glad that Chuck has come out of the shadows and is no longer standing quietly on the sidelines. I don't see how America survived up until now without his guidance.

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  49. Well Stonekettle, to answer your aforementioned question, I can tell you EXACTLY why these people are so gung ho to "defend a system that they demonstrate so little faith in."

    They value the US Constitution far less than their Christian evangelical religion.

    The master stroke of Jerry Falwell and James Dobson has been the conflation of religion and politics, a veritable toxic brew served up by the wealth of the Kochs, and the likes of Fox, Limbaugh, Beck, and the the bomb throwing Palin.

    The hard right, ultra religious Christians have a little known movement these days commonly referred to as Dominionism.

    People like Norris, Palin, Dobson, et al, are innately prejudiced against even other Christians, and firmly believe that America is not only exceptional, but chosen by G_d, and all liberals are agents of Satan.

    http://en.­wikipedia.­org/wiki/D­ominionist­#Dominion_­Theology


    Falwell & Dobson & Roberston were really hoping
    that's how the moral "majority" movement would turn out, and the Teaparty is a stepchild of their movement.

    They see Obama, and anything but a theocracy as a victory for the forces of darkness. His type of Christiani­ty isn't their type, so he is anathema.

    Having escaped from being on the inside of the Dominonist movement long ago, I can tell you that they want to subvert American democracy and the Constitution , and replace it with their world view.

    There is a book and a movie that outlines one person's vision of what a Domioninist America would be like: "The Handmaid's Tale"

    America was founded in part to escape religious persecution. Norris and his Teaparty crowd beating the drums of fear and xenopobia perfectly illustrate the conflation of religion and politics.

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  50. Oh fuck all.

    Does anybody to the right of Karl Marx have any god-damned idea what socialism actually is?

    Now, I must go hug a squid.

    JzB

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  51. You should put this stuff on Facebook. I know, facebook is a pain in the ass. Always changing stuff so we have to learn new shit before we even got used to the last update. Anyway, this blog post was hilarious!
    P.S. do you take friend requests on fb? I shared your blog with a Facebook group I'm in that is Pro-Democratic, they all loved it!
    Peace,
    John Lloyd Cunningham

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    1. I do accept FB friend requests.

      And each of my essays are linked to from FB.

      Delete
    2. That's great! I've had a couple of people in my group ask how to keep up with your blog. I found your profile in a search on fb but I wanted to ask you before I sent a request and told the group. I'll pass on the info to them. We all laughed our asses off at your blogs. Look forward to reading more. Expect a few friend requests to come your way.

      Delete

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