Friday, October 12, 2012

Also Nazis, Part 3


I know what you’re thinking.

What? Nazis again?

Oh Goddamn, Jim, not more stinkin’ Nazis. Haven’t we had enough Nazis around here?

Welcome to this week’s installment of when political lunacy puts on a Speedo and a leather jacket, straps on a pair of water-wings, and attempts a rocket powered jump over a tank full of great white sharks.

I’m thinking that Also Nazis will become a regular feature, at least for the duration of the election season. Or until actual cannibal death Nazis from the dark side of the moon show up in flying saucers shooting killer bees from giant laser cannons mounted on atomic powered velociraptors and led by the Robot Uber-Fuehrer with Adolf Hitler’s electrified zombie head in a jar of pickle juice mounted on top of its massive armored shoulders.  Whichever comes first.

Looking at the political divisions in America, I kept getting this weird sense of déjà vu.

It reminded me of something.

But I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

Red faced hatred. Incoherent screaming. Obscene hand gestures. Bizarre irrational behavior. Brother against brother, American against American.


And then, earlier this week it hit me.

In fact, it almost literally hit me.

I was on the Glenn Highway, headed home from Anchorage towards The Valley when a PT Cruiser blew past me – this is noteworthy in and of itself, since I generally drive a tad, just a tad mind you, above the speed limit myself.  This guy was moving like Rush Limbaugh headed towards a free all-donut buffet, swerving back and forth between lanes faster than Mitt Romney changes his position on abortion, and zig-zagging around other cars like Paul Ryan dodging questions on his budget plan.  As the little car zoomed up the slow lane at ninety plus miles an hour he closed in on an enormous Dodge RAM pick-up in the left lane. Predictably, the truck sped up in an effort to stay ahead of the little PT Cruiser.  The Cruiser wasn’t having any of that, and in a reckless suicidal maneuver the tiny car dove under the truck’s front bumper like a shiny midget kamikaze, missing the bigger vehicle by scant millimeters … and then slamming on its brakes to avoid collision with the minivan in front of the truck. 

Remember that scene in A Fish Called Wanda? When that giant granite block fell from ten stories up and landed smack on top of that little tiny dog (at the 3:19 mark)? Wump! Splosh! I was expecting something exactly like that. By rights, that PT Cruiser should have been flattened into road-kill beneath the giant truck. Honestly, each of the truck’s tires weighed more than that little bitty car.  But, somehow, in a cloud of blue smoke and squealing rubber, the truck driver managed to avoid smashing the car into a greasy bugsplat, and the vehicles behind him (Me, Goddamnit!) somehow also managed to avoid messy death by chain-reaction. 

It didn’t take the giant pair of dangling “Truck-Nutz” swinging from the RAM’s trailer-hitch to figure out what was going to happen next. 

Clouds of black diesel smoke erupted from the truck’s twin stacks as the driver slammed the gas pedal to the floor.  The truck driver’s massive rage was palpable despite the fact that he’d also been acting like an idiot in attempting to cut the other guy off.  He swerved onto the highway’s shoulder roaring past the PT Cruiser in a cloud of gravel and you could hear the howl of his monstrous off-road tires singing over the rumble-strip, it sounded like the thundering wings of avenging angels. The Cruiser actually sped up in an effort to prevent the truck from getting ahead but the RAM had the advantage of wrathful indignation and not only passed the Cruiser but he roared around the blocking minivan and triumphantly reassumed his position in the lead.

Then the truck slammed on his brakes.

I have no direct evidence, but I would assume that this was the point where the minivan driver began to regret his failure to plan ahead in the “Bring an extra pair of undershorts for the commute” department  (Me? I came prepared, I never wear skivvies during an election year. I like to be ready just in case I need to tell a politician to kiss my shiny metal ass).

After teaching those behind him not to screw with giant trucks, the RAM sped back up and pulled head of the minivan, who was likely distracted by the fact that in addition to his soiled panties he was probably also having a heart attack. Because, you know, Jesus H. Christ!

With complete disregard for the safety of anybody else on the road, the Cruiser dodged nimbly to the right, zipped around the minivan, and swerved back into the left lane inches ahead of the truck, cutting off the RAM yet again in an astounding display of testosterone fueled assholery. 

Those in the vicinity of these two homicidal jackasses (Me, Goddamnit!) variously braked or accelerated onto the shoulders out of the way like townsfolk scurrying for safety on the streets of Dodge City as two booze fueled gunslingers stumbled drunkenly from the saloon and set to cockfighting in the middle of Mainstreet.

I watched in horrified fascination as the huge truck and the tiny car jockeyed madly for position, it was like an enraged rhinoceros under attack by a blood maddened Chihuahua. They were swerving and braking and speeding around each other, you could see the drivers gesturing obscenely and screaming insults at each other oblivious to the danger, oblivious to the collateral damage, as they vied to prove who had the biggest willie like incensed mountain goats slamming their heads together over and over. Other drivers got involved, and the ripples of outrage spread like an infectious disease with a dozen cars ducking and dodging and weaving and screaming and blowing horns. They roared down the highway in a blood engorged mass at well over a hundred miles an hour and I lost sight of them as they sped across the Hay Flats headed towards Wasilla.  Once I no longer needed both hands on the wheel and traffic had settled down, I phoned the State Police.  Or tried to anyway, I couldn’t get a signal – the Hay Flats are kind of a desert when it comes to cell phone reception.  I got off at my exit and I’ve got no idea how it all worked out – doubtless the idiots got away with their insanity, going their own ways smug in their indignant manhood and seething righteousness, home to tell their wives about how some asshole did them wrong on the highway but by God they sure showed that fucker, yes they did, you bet.

And, as I said up above, that’s when it hit me.

That, right there, is exactly how most Americans approach politics.

Mindless red eyed Road Rage.

That’s exactly what it is, rage.

This mindset, this Political Rage, that seems to have infected much of America lately is exactly the same as the unthinking reflexive fury that far too many people display on the highways. For a lot of Americans, the only thing that matters is who has the biggest dick and damn the consequences, to hell with the danger, screw the utter stupidity of it all. 

In recent stump speeches Mitt Romney has been telling a story about how he once met Glen Doherty, the former US Navy SEAL turned State Department employee, who was killed along with Ambassador Chris Stevens in Libya. 

Seems, Romney was apparently invited to a party that Doherty also attended, the two met, and Romney has mentioned it several times on the stump.

Big deal.

I see nothing particularly egregious about this, one way or the other.  Politicians (and bloggers for that matter, hello) use chance encounters and conversations and personal events to illustrate their viewpoints all of the time.  I’ve done it myself. In this essay.

However, Doherty’s mother, Barbara Doherty, an Obama supporter, asked that Romney stop using her son’s name. So Romney’s campaign immediately acquiesced and Mitt has since stopped using the anecdote. 

Again, despite the minor media furor, big deal.

Not long ago, I was asked to remove a post from Stonekettle Station about a Navy airplane crash I once witnessed, because those close to some of the men killed in that crash didn’t want the event used to illustrate the point I was attempting to make with the essay. Out of respect for their wishes, and because of some mistakes I’d made about the actual facts of the crash (I’m not an aviation guy, I got some things wrong. I should have known better than report as fact things I’d heard through the rumor mill), I agreed immediately and removed the post – even though I think it’s still one of the best things I’ve ever written.

For Mitt Romney to use his encounter with Glen Doherty to illustrate a political point does not make him an opportunistic asshole, it just makes him a guy who was trying to connect with people and events on a personal level, it makes him a politician just like every other politician that has ever lived.

Likewise, for Mrs. Doherty to ask that her son’s memory not be used to further a political agenda also doesn’t make her an asshole, even if she is an Obama supporter. Mrs. Doherty by any account has the right to ask for a little respect, she’s earned that courtesy. Her son bought her that right, and paid in full.

It’s a minor, very minor, news item that has zero impact on anybody other than the friends and family of Glen Doherty.

But, see, then there’s the Political Rage.

When the story appeared yesterday on ABC news, the comments under the article were bizarrely overblown. People, left and right, just plain lost their minds:

- What a disgusting human being Mitt Romney is. He will do or say ANYTHING to get elected.

- The Leftstream media is sure trying to take the heat off Ovomit.

- It is heartwarming to see that the trust placed in the administration that is indirectly responsible for the murder of her son is unwavering. I doubt she’ll get a form letter now.

- Sounds like the mother is the one using her son’s death for her political reasons—sour grapes –so to speak–she need to look at the fact –that extra security was requested and denied by the administration–which could have contributed to her son’s death–before defendind OObama –with what he knows about foreign policy –it could fit in a timble

- She needs to watch the hearings. It’s gut wrenching. They failed to protect her son and she says Romney is politicizing??? Wow!

- Apparently she is part of the 47%

- too many stupid comments from too many stupid romney fans, who will evidently say anything out there butt & think it’s whistling dixie.

- So the Obama hacks get snotty, HOW DARE Mitt USE HIS DEATH…Like OBAMA DID when he left those men, without backup there to die, when he crawled into bed, since he was so DAMNED CONCERNED .. MOM? Obama has LOST the military vote by 40 points… and the miserable;e low life democrat party hacks like that Heroes mom, can’t even let his name be mentioned, or his story told, because she hates republicans?.. Mitt did not put himself into the story… he simply told that he MET the man….and that drives the democrat hacks crazy..She’d have a point, if he did what Obama does… and put HIMSELF in the picture as the hero.. but apparently.. being a democrat, means party first……. country dead last..I’m a vet, and having left wing family ain’t unusual for a service member,.. but seriously… we know from his friends,.. and brother SEALS… he didn’t like Obama.. so his mom is twisting the fact he didn’t support Obama, according to his SEAL friends, told in other news articles..so she had to be nasty…… typical.. when she had to know her son was no fan of Obama.. check other news sources.. Obama lost the SEAL vote a while back.. and this young man’s friends say he had no love for Obama…

- I am sorry for your loss Mrs Doherty. But you are bias and a hypocrite.

- hey romney people….READ THE ARTICLE!!!!! IT SAYS DOHERTY DIDN’T LIKE THE MEETING WITH ROMNEY….THOUGHT HE WAS GOOFY. So stop yelling at his mother saying that she’s biased….Dang Y”ALL ARE BIASEd!!!!! DUH! ….here let me help you with that LOG in your eye.

The comments run on for another two hundred entries becoming more and more insane and incoherent, if these people were on the highway they’d be exchanging gunfire by now. Eventually, if you read down far enough, you’ll get to the Nazis. Because, of course, there’s going to be Nazis. 

I just don’t understand how can you call a grieving mother a Nazi because she doesn’t want her dead son’s name used to further the political agenda of a politician she doesn’t agree with. 

I’m mean, shit, how do you get there? How do you become so furious, so enraged, about a subject that really has nothing whatsoever to do with you that you’d call the mother of a man who died in the service of his country a traitor and unAmerican?

I boggle at the comments like this one:

- What a shame! A Great hero story, but because the mother (which I’m sure her son wouldn’t agree with) made it political, not Romney. She clearly is in the bag for Obama. Can we remind ourselves of Cindy Sheehan!!!

Really? I mean, really? The commenter is sure that he knows Barbara Doherty’s son better than she does.

Honestly, how far is too far? When do you stop, take your fingers off the keyboard, take your foot off the gas pedal, and say to yourself, “Wait a minute. Just wait a fucking minute here. Holy hell, I’m about to waterski straight to a tank of great white ridiculous. I need to stop right now. Right now.”  Look here, if you’ve arrived at point where you’re calling Barbara Doherty a Nazi, it’s time that you got yourself some professional help because you’ve really got nowhere else to go that doesn’t eventually lead to a roof, a high powered rifle, and a copy of Catcher in the Rye. I’m just saying.

Now, while Americans are fighting it out in the media over a minor anecdote that really doesn’t matter, down in Arkansas a guy named Charlie Fuqua is running for a republican seat on the state legislature (Yes, Fuqua, that’s his name. Let’s not be all fourteen years old about it. Fuqua). Charlie is a fine upstanding Christian man who would like to see Arkansas run in accordance with Biblical law. Literally.  He wrote a book about it, here’s a interesting passage:

The maintenance of civil order in society rests on the foundation of family discipline. Therefore, a child who disrespects his parents must be permanently removed from society in a way that gives an example to all other children of the importance of respect for parents. The death penalty for rebellious children is not something to be taken lightly. The guidelines for administering the death penalty to rebellious children are given in Deut 21:18-21.

The fuck?

The death penalty for your children?

Parents should put children to death so that other children will respect their parents?

What. The. Fuck?

OK, obviously he didn’t actually say parents should be allowed to kill their kids.

Or did he?

Why yes, actually he did.

Charlie Fuqua wrote a book, published this year, wherein he clearly says that while the Bible doesn’t give “blanket authority” for parents to kill their children, it does specify that parents are allowed to kill their kids so long as they “follow proper procedure to have the death penalty executed against their children.”  And though Charlie feels it should be “rarely used,” he does specifically say that the ability of parents to put their children to death would “be a tremendous incentive for children to give proper respect to their parents.”

I don’t know about you, but I think a license to kill your kids would be  less likely to result in increased respect and more likely to result in children resorting to preemptive strikes against their murderous parents.  I’m also not clear how killing your kids squares with the “Thou shalt not commit fucking murder” or the whole Christian Right to Life idea. But then again, I’m not a Christian so the details of this bronze age idiocy escape me.  And yes, I checked, Charlie Fuqua is not a creation of The Onion. He’s a real live republican who calls himself a Christian and you know, never mind, go right ahead and pronounce Charlie’s last name the way it looks.  I know I will, because seriously, Charlie, fuck you.

One more thing, if you’re Charlie Fuqua’s kids, I’d get the hell out now, right now, and I’d never look back.  Because, wow. Just, wow.

Now, least you think it’s just Charlie Respect My Authoritee! Fuqhead gone round the bend down there in Arkansas, meet State Representative Loy Mauch.  He’s another Christian republican (Not to beat a dead horse or anything).  Representative Mauch also wrote a book.  He didn’t suggest killing your kids, instead he announced that slavery “was a blessing in disguise” for black people. 


In letters to the Democrat-Gazette, Mauch strongly defended slavery and said a number of times that Jesus condoned it:

If slavery were so God-awful, why didn’t Jesus or Paul condemn it, why was it in the Constitution and why wasn’t there a war before 1861? The South has always stood by the Constitution and limited government. When one attacks the Confederate Battle Flag, he is certainly denouncing these principles of government as well as Christianity.

How’s that a “blessing” for black people? Easy, see slavery turned them into Christians. Doh.

In other letters, Representative Mauch wrote that Abraham Lincoln, the founder of Mauch’s own republican party, was a Marxist.

I guess once you go down the “Slavery is okay with God and it’s okay with me!” road, calling Abraham Lincoln a communist is pretty much small potatoes.  Mauch organized a 2004 conference praising John Wilkes Booth and calling for removal of Lincoln’s statue from the monument on the Washington Mall. He also proudly waves the Confederate Battle Flag and calls it “a symbol of Christian liberty versus the New World Order.”

New World Order, and you thought I’d forgotten about the Nazis.

How in the hell does somebody who openly hates the United States stay in office?

Seriously, how does a guy who openly supports slavery and a political organization that tried to destroy, literally destroy, the United States of America through armed rebellion, stay in office?

Easy, he’s supported by the Republican Party and his fellow Arkansas conservatives who apparently can’t seem to see the astounding irony – probably because they’re too busy assaulting President Obama for not being American enough.

Okay. I admit it. I’m with Fuqua on this one, maybe Mauch should have been drowned at birth.

Seriously man, welcome to Arkansas, land of the free, home of the brave, kill your kids, and let’s refer to black people as “farm equipment” all the doodah day!

Meanwhile, next door in Missouri, Representative Todd Akin still doesn’t quite comprehend the fact that women are actual citizens now.  He remains confused about female biology and upset that Clare McCaskill isn’t behaving in a more ladylike manner.  Poor Todd, he longs for a simpler time, when men were men … and women were livestock.

If Todd Akin is ever lonely, he’s got a soulmate up in Wisconsin.  State Rep Roger Rivard (Republican again, surprise surprise!) says that “some girls rape easy.”  His dad taught him that. Some girls, son, they just rape easy, hell you don’t even need to use roofies!  Roger’s dad told him:

“…If you do have premarital sex, just remember, consensual sex can turn into rape in an awful hurry.” Because all of a sudden a young lady gets pregnant and the parents are madder than a wet hen and she’s not going to say, “Oh, yeah, I was part of the program.” All that she has to say or the parents have to say is it was rape because she’s underage. And he just said, “Remember, Roger, if you go down that road, some girls, they rape so easy.” What the whole genesis of it was, it was advice to me, telling me, If you’re going to go down that road, you may have consensual sex that night and then the next morning it may be rape. So the way he said it was, Just remember, Roger, some girls, they rape so easy. It may be rape the next morning.

Roger feels his comments might have been taken out of context.

I’m not really sure what context his comment should be put in, unless by “context” he means “Arkansas.”

By the way, Paul Ryan? The guy who wants to be vice president, he’s a big fan of Roger Rivard.  Ryan said, “Roger needs to be reaffirmed to get this job done and fix the State of Wisconsin.”

Somebody needs to be “fixed” all right, that’s for sure.

You know, at this point I’m starting to wonder if maybe actual cannibal death Nazis from the dark side of the moon might not be such a bad thing after all.

Comparatively speaking, I mean.

And I’d sure like an atomic powered killer bee laser, I know just who I’d point it at.

But I digress.


Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got another commute into Anchorage tomorrow and I need to go mount some flamethrowers on my front bumper.


More Nazis can be found here: Also Nazis, Part 2


  1. "I like to be ready just in case I need to tell a politician to kiss my shiny metal ass."

    War injury you haven't told us about?

    1. Chief Warrant Officers are issued a stainless steel ass with their commission. And a giant pair of brass balls.

    2. No need for Truck-Nutz on your vehicle. Yours ride inside. ;)

    3. Jim, I hope your car comes with seat warmers, carting around that ass and brass set, it might get a bit chilly in the Feb. Just saying....

    4. Do you have a polish for each or is there some
      product you use that shines both? I've got a brass
      engraved table from my dad's AF travels in Asia and
      it's looking a little forlorn.

      Also, too-have you considered upgrading from brass to bronze? Conducts heat better (for those winter commutes) and resists corrosion (as a Navy man, you would appreciate that).


    5. Just a question, Jim, before I ask my USCG CWO son who retired a couple of years ago after thirty years of service and possibly embarrass myself with my ignorance: "Does the Coast Guard issue the same?" He did ply the Caribbean on various cutters, as well as the Northern Seas when stationed in Seattle and may just have proof of said bio enhancements. AHEM!

      As always, Love your posts! They tend to relieve some of my frustrations by permitting me to spout unprintables, and I thank you!

    6. Coastie CWOs have buttocks made from cork and lightweight foam, so that they are more buoyant during surf rescues. That's totally a fact, your son will back me up on this.

      Anon, Bug Juice is the navy polish of choice, that stuff will clean anything.

    7. OK Jim, I just did a FWD on my question, and I think both my sons will agree with your answer: the "Sea Bear" (my word), as well as the "Airdale" one.

      Thank you, Sir!

    8. Bug Juice! Of course! and it comes in a handy 55 gallon
      drum for easy mixing and dispensing! My dad told us stories about it, but I always thought it was the hallucinations of soused military people (that's a redundant statement, isn't it?). He's never tried any himself (or so he claimed), but he also drank Olympia for years so I wouldn't put ANYthing past him.


    9. Well hells-bells, I thought the Boy Scouts were the only ones that used bug juice. Great blog as usual Jim. Ya need to wear a GoPro on your commute. Might make for some interesting you-tube stuff.

    10. Warrant - your forgot the other item Warrant's are issued - a coffee cup bigger than the one they left in the goat-locker.

  2. Somewhere, be it heaven or wherever, Hunter Thompson is drinking bourbon and looking down on you with a smile! Another homerun.

  3. Aww, man. The Inexorable White Whale was the post that brought you to my attention; that was indeed a masterpiece of writing. It will be missed. But, I understand why you'd comply with those wishes.

    1. Dammit... I didn't save that post like I do a lot of others. I REALLY loved that post and having served on a carrier for a short period of time, I could see it all in my mind as I was reading it. As Randy said - It will be missed. It is one of the best peices you have ever written.

    2. Oh, but the internet is your friend. While Jim may have taken it off this site, it still lives. Very good essay, by the way, and I can understand why some people close to the accident would want it taken down. In a perfect world Jim could rewrite to correct the technical aspects and enough time would be elapsed to reduce the memory sensitivity of those affected. Those kind of things affect everyone involved and while some internalize to forget and heal, perhaps writing about it was part Jim's healing process. I'm no shrink so I'll stop there. Out of respect to our host I won't link the article, suffice to say its easy to find.

  4. Seriously, what's up with “Truck-Nutz”?

    1. They are all the rage among redneck teen boys in downstate Illinois. My favorite was the tricked out truck, with the obligatory Truck-Nutz and Confederate flag, driven by a scrawny-assed booger flipper. He had a bumper sticker on the back that said, I shit you not, "Nice truck, sorry about your penis."

      The cluelessness of this kid was awe inspiring.

    2. As a veterinarian, I have a very difficult time restraining myself from -er, fixing those trucks.

      Besides, they're completely the wrong size.

    3. Green and three sizes too small, just like their hearts?

    4. Amy - FYI....


    5. Jennifer, the bumper sticker was most likely not put there by the kid in the truck. It may have been someone's idea of (highly accurate) social commentary.

  5. My thought on this is we don't do enough of our own research and do our own thinking. We let some talking head on radio or tv tell us what to believe. I mean after all are you going to look up your own evidence? Heavens no, that would reqire a little bit of effort. It's much easier to pick a side and be spoon fed. Only godless, communist, liberal, marxist, evil nazis would dare to disagree with the party of god. So the rage is righteous, Righteous Rage, they have god on their side, so they are entitled to be right no matter what the facts are. There is no debate, no give and take just blind hatred and I'm going to win even if I have to kill you, myself and anyone else who is in my way.

    I probably haven't stated it very well, but I can say I have never been as afraid for America and its people as I am now. The God I believe in is not about hatred and rage but is about loving, may He help us all.

    1. I think you made your point quite well. Just sayin'.

    2. Stated quite well and I'm afraid for America and us too.

  6. The same people that write the comments on various blog sites, and who hide behind false names are the same folks that hide underneath the white sheets at the local "Let's go out and hang a black dude" society meeting.
    As each layer of comments are piled on, it becomes a contest as to who can out "PT Cruiser" the commenter before them.
    As long as we have the screamers like Rush Limpecker (and others) on both sides of the issues spinning the truth then civility will stay a 20th century oddity.

  7. Jim, could you get the Leather Goddesses of Phobos to take the place of the cannibal death Nazis from the dark side of the moon?

    1. Never could get Leather Goddessess of Phobos loaded.

    2. Heh. As I recall, LGOP came with a scratch-N-sniff card, one of the smells was "vomit."

      I loved TA games, I had 'em including a mainframe port of Classic Adventure. Never had much use for graphic video games but I loved text adventure.

    3. I have been pining after the original Zork and waiting to deposit the quarter in my pocket for lo these many decades now since I first played it in 1982 on a shore duty Navy computer with the hard drive down the hall in the classified library and the monitor displaying glowing green letters on a black screen.

      Thanks for another good read, Jim. And stay out of the way of that PT Cruiser!

      Old Navy Comm O

  8. Excellent work yet again, Jim. I imagine there will be an "Also Nazis Part 4" in the near future. After all, the crazy is just now getting really ramped up. Should make great fodder for you.

    And by the way, "The Inexorable White Whale" was one of my very favorites. I'm glad I got to read it before it was taken down.

  9. How come we don't have any Democrats who are this bug nuts lefty? Republicans can let their lunatic fringe right wing run for office, yet a Democrat who was anywhere near that far left is more likely to be ranting on some dudes blog... Oh... I see.

    1. It is like the difference between the North and South. In the north the crazy aunt is kept in an upstairs bedroom. In the south she is kept in the parlor for amusement. Dems sush and hid the nuts as well as they can.

    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    3. Rud... a few thoughts from an ancient Progressive:
      There are few "bug nuts lefties" because when one uses the more evolved part of the brain one uses Reasonings which reside in the frontal, more evolved parts of the brain. The backward looking "batshit crazies" of the Right which I call the Wrong are controlled by the more ancient "reptilian" Fight-or-Fight responses.
      Go figure.

    4. ARRRGH... "Fight-or-FLIGHT" responses... Sorry!

    5. @fromthediagonal: No, I think you had it right the first time, actually, at least as far as their version of it goes.

    6. In my experience, you see fewer bug nuts lefties because most of them are bunkered down in a reinforced basement, listening to Alex Jones and preparing for the day that the Government comes to throw them in FEMA camps, control their brains with RFID chips, and poison everyone with contrails made of Japanese radioactive fallout.

  10. Jim, my family hauls from the Lands of the Nazis and Soviets, and I made a point to learn their history. Having said that, the human nature at its best brought us from the caves of Eurasia into this magnificent Twenty-first Century. At its worst, gave us the Nazis and the Soviets of the Twentieth Century, and the Baron Robbers of the Nineteenth Century. And we learned the difference.
    America is threading dangerous waters, and the Sirens with their enthusing songs are nearby, as close as the City Halls of our Communities... by all means, install those flamethrowers, YA!
    I get your drift, and it is right on the mark. Waiting for part number 4.

    1. I share your history and agree...
      Study Fascism of all kinds and resolve to not repeat its horrors!
      Independent study and knowledge is Power!
      Be Informed and Vote accordingly.

  11. I encountered that PT Cruiser Between Muldoon and Eagle River somewhere. Glad I missed the testosterone contest.It is ironic that teh nazi's are their own best reason for nazi eugenics.Screw the killer bee laser, I want one that vaporizes the road ragers and takes them out of the genepool.

  12. As a PT owner, I HAD to laugh (and laugh and laugh), cos on the highway, I like playing "Hopscotch on the Highway" with semis...difference is, they seem to know it's for fun ~ like killing time ~ and not to cut anyone off. I've done it for years...and I know that some semi drivers can be utter twatwaffles, but most are just working schmoes trying to get their haul delievered and get home ~ AND I respect the hell out of a truck that can squash my car like a beer can without a blink.

    "...Rush Limbaugh headed towards a free all-donut buffet..." That was simply AWESOME!

    (spell check: rumor mill ~ but you've already likely caught that by now...I couldn't resist getting in on the correction action ;-) lol)

    Fuqua...one of those "pro-life" guys...anti-abortion, but death to the living. I'll go all 14 here...what a Fuqua, way to live up to y'name, asshole!

    ...and yeah, the mindless commentary is utterly baffling. *heavy sigh* And that they can't see the irony of it is so mind-bending that it would be funny if it weren't so damn frightening.

  13. “Wait a minute. Just wait a fucking minute here. Holy hell, I’m about to waterski straight to a tank of great white ridiculous. I need to stop right now. Right now.”

    I get there about every day. Fortunately, I force myself to write the comments in a text editor then cut and paste. I also force myself to wait 15 minutes. It's usually enough to see the assholeshness of what I'm saying and I don't go there.


  14. .

    You do have a way with words. When one cannot dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with ...

    Thank you for the laughs, giggles, and thought provoking imagery.

    Ema Nymton

  15. http://www.ajc.com/news/news/crime-law/dekalb-dad-gets-18-years-for-bible-inspired-fatal-/nSbL2/

    Fuqua would have let this guy walk.

    1. And I bet there is some PT driver saying that this represents the
      inherent bias of society, against Christians, to be found some where on the web

  16. You nailed it, Jim, and I see this is what you must have been thinking when you replied to a comment on another post.

    These folks illustrate exactly what was meant by the term American Taliban as used in the extended monologue on the HBO drama "Newsroom".

    As always, thanks for all you do. You are a breath of sanity in an otherwise truly insane period.

  17. It has been my experience that people fling the Nazi insult with no thought as to what is actually being said. I was called Nazi for checking receipts at Costco...because really after checking your receipt for errors is totally equivalent to murdering folks because they are not just like you. Most often it is an insult used by those who don't have the intellectual prowess to come up with a more fitting term.
    What Fuqua advocates is really late term abortion, if you don't like the child you raise, just eliminate the problem. One has to wonder tho, was it heredity or environment that created the child he wants to make an example of?

    1. Funny on the checking receipts. It probably is Germanic. My 93 year old mother does it. I take her shopping each week since she lives alone and fortunately gave up her PT Cruiser (sorry, just kidding, it was a Mercury Sable.) The next week I hear about how the coupon for the bag of salad wasn't credited, etc.

  18. Jim,

    I am a gay woman with a massive man-crush on you. Thank you for saying everything I cannot effectively articulate.

  19. Between Rivard, Ryan and Walker it is becoming embarrassing to admit I am from the (once?) great state of Wisconsin...these used to be comments that you only heard coming from south of the Mason-Dixon Line....sigh.

    1. Second that.

      And don't forget Tommy Thompson. Being an incompetant Governor, and the worst Secretary of HHS ever, makes you qualified to run for Senator?

    2. North Woods Free ManOctober 12, 2012 at 1:40 PM

      The sad thing is some of these assholes will get elected,to bad that some are that blind to the facts,just wondering what happened to the progressive people of my once great stare.

  20. You say the things I wish I could say. Love it! Thanks

  21. I believe biologists use various techniques such as dyes, radioactive markers and such like, that attach themselves to malignant cells to make them easier to spot and eradicate.

    I have come to the conclusion that the comments sections on any newspaper/tv news story serve a very similar purpose

    1. Talking of comments threads - a little while after reading this post, I accidentally broke my own rule and found perfect confirmation why it is a bad idea to read comments. A couple of inches below a recording of Rossini's William Tell Overture on YouTube, I saw this comment -

      "This song is surprisingly entertaining to masturbate to."


  22. Brilliant post. I never quite thought of the current election cycle like the song "Beep Beep" before. But that is what was running through my head while I was reading. As far as cannibal death Nazis, I think watching Jean Rollin's "Zombie Lake" is more painful than the politicking going on.

  23. "EVIL! EVIL! Your guy is EVIL! Obama|Romney is pure EVIL. My guy may not be perfect but we have to protect America from the other folks who are EVIL!"

    My take on American politics.

  24. Given that Glen Doherty was on the Advisory board of the MRFF (http://freethoughtblogs.com/rodda/2012/09/13/mrff-advisory-board-member-glen-doherty-among-those-killed-in-libya-attack/), I suspect he definitively did not agree with the more extreme members of the right wing, who seem to have trouble separating their personal religious beliefs from their idea of government.

  25. I'd be easy to poke fun at Rivard, but here in AZ, more than one 18 year old high school senior has been charged with rape for having sex with his 17 year old girlfriend. The parents can force the issue, even if the girl said it was consensual. Brought to you by Republicans trying to be tough on crime.

    Maybe common sense is lacking in states that begin with the letter A, or just Republicans. Especially so with Republicans in states that begin with the letter A

  26. Jim, a recommendation. Please see "Iron Sky" a recent movie which features, No shit, Space Nazis from the Moon. A must see.


    1. Pagan, the whole "flying saucers from the dark side of the moon" didn't tip you off?

      Iron Sky used crowd sourcing for its funding, I donted to the Moon Nazi cause more than two years ago and am eagerly awaiting its online release.

    2. I suspected as much, very little escapes your keen gaze.

      However, I felt it a public service just so that our compadres who delve down into the comment section might discover this hidden gem. It is currently available at amazon but I haven't seen any streaming service offer it yet.

      Plus it's got Udo Kier. Whenever you think Nazi, Udo's my go to image. In real life I suspect he's a very nice man, but damn those blue eyes are piercing. Plus he's a damn good vampire too. So the next meme is "also vampires" I mean if we continue to drag up nazis, commies, hedonists and other common boogymen, vampires cannot be far behind.

    3. Great movie, but my favorite part was the soundtrack by Laibach.

      Thanks a lot... now I've got "Take Me to Heaven" going through my head.

  27. I really think these Repugnants of the Republican Party need to have a complete mental and physical check up. The statements that come out of their mouths remind me of the drug warnings put on the ads for sleep aides and anti-depressants. "Just come over to this nice chair Sir, we're just gonna take a little blood, and can you pee into this please? And maybe a nice CAT scan - just to be sure. And while we wait for the results, we have a nice soft room with no hard corners (or wi-fi or cell reception) waiting for you here.....We'll call you when the results come in. Have a nice nap now....

    I learned how to drive on Atlanta's Hwy 285 speedway. But nowadays I just kick back in the "slow" lane just a few ticks above the speed limit - the truck seems to like to cruise at 68 mph - listening to KNBA and waving as I drive by to those crazy speedsters who are in the ditch after hitting that patch of black ice, or are on the side of the road 'splaining to the troopers who they forgot like to hang out on the Old Glenn Hwy overpass and the Eklutna exit ramp.

    1. Oh and my son wants an atomic powered velociraptor for Christmas - any idea where I can pick on up cheap?

    2. I'm pretty sure you'll be able to find one in Japan in a few months. What's even better is that they'll glow in the dark so you never lose them!

    3. Don't know about atomic-powered velociraptors, but what about brainwave sensing cat ears?

  28. Perfect example of what you are talking about:


    She doesn't know what a Communist is, but she knows Obama is one. Pathetic.

    1. Oh, and she admitted the President might have been born here but she knew he wasn't an American "like us". Geesh.

    2. I'll see your loon and go you one better. Woman says she can't be arrested because she's a Republican.


  29. Damn! Another Arkansas idiot. We're not all fundamental, evangelical, bible toting, faux-literati.

    1. Welcome to my world. Sigh.

      Don in Texas

    2. I feel your pain. I was actually relieved he wasn't from Kansas.

  30. Flame throwers? Go with a GAU-8...

    Wait. How long is your truck? :p

  31. I think it is important, when two vehicles are playing testosterone-fueled highway games, to be aware of the relative masses of the players.


    1. Physics (And Natural Selection) is a real bitch that way...

  32. LOL, er, kraw-kraw-kraw!

    But, you know, it isn't most Americans who approach politics this way. It's a minority. And this minority is important because the parties pick their voters, and getting people enraged is one of the methods they use to get people to turn out and vote.

    US elections are decided by turnout.

    Now, if I had my way, voting would be a duty of citizenship, enforced by a moderate fine, and, sure, crazy would still rule the ballot box, but at least the parties wouldn't be stirring up Teh Crazy just to get voters to the polls.

  33. As I often tell pax while engaging in Driving4$$ here near the GWTP, Merging is a lost art, and Yielding is a sign of weakness.
    So it goes with our zero-sum politics.

  34. Speaking of bug juice (oh yes you were!), have you seen "The Master" yet?

    Advisory warning: I believe I'm the only person I know who actually *liked* the film.

    That said, Jouquin Phoenix' character comes out of WWII with a talent for producing the magic elixir second to none (and eventually sustains the predictable consequences of over-sampling of his product).

  35. " led by the Robot Uber-Fuehrer with Adolf Hitler’s electrified zombie head in a jar of pickle juice mounted on top of its massive armored shoulders. "

    I smell a Futurama script in there.

    Also, flame throwers are effective. What you want is wire controlled rocket system so you can vector the rockets out to slam the target vehicle in the door (driver or passenger, your pick). That way the explosion would not only take out the driver and the car, but remove the wreckage from the line of travel.

  36. Respect from a retired airdale E-7. Common sense seems to be a rarity. Hope to read more from you in the future.

  37. Welcome to the world in which every crank, no matter how insane their message, gets their 15 minutes of fame. It helps fan the passion of other crazies into thinking that their message is important too. The 24/7 media blitzkrieg and the wide availability of the internet has created this and it will continue. Much to our chagrin. So now the internet comes into play giving the unwashed masses the ability to spew their bile all over your monitor. The my team mentality has never been more apparent than in the posts you see under articles from major media sites. As far as those posts go most seem to be made by people who never made it out of the elementary school stage of interpersonal interactions. Anonymity gives them the ability to act like total assholes without any fear of social reprisal.

    Godwin's law "As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1".

    Jim in Michigan

  38. You folks really want to see a Right Wing Echo Chamber where common sense is not allowed try this link:
    Honestly the things they take as "given" there are pathetic. It's gotten to the point where the few moderates or leftists on that board don't bother to comment any more.

    1. Phhht amateurs. For a truly real time echo chamber try freerepublic.com. The amount of stupid there will make you recoil in horror. Liberals get banned there after their first post.

      Jim in Michigan

    2. Do not visit the freep unless you have a class one hazmat suit, or a ready supply of brain bleach.

      They think DeMint is a moderate, John Birch centrist, and Fox news liberal.

  39. As to fitting flamethrowers, you might look for a Harlan Ellison short story called "Along the Scenic Route", where the cars come with optional extras like Spandau machine guns, and MHD powered CO2 lasers. Drivers get ranked on their dueling skills by the DMV....

  40. Your attempt at politics is worse than the people in berthing that steal other peoples underwear out of their dirty laundry bags.
    Your lack of patriotism is disgusting.
    Your lack of comprehension of history is dumbfounding.
    And your utter inability to comprehend how an effectively functioning government and society are supposed to be structured is even more baffling.
    All you have succeed in is proving that you're dumber than a drunk deck seaman who had to take the ASVAB 8 times to pass.
    You clearly need to reenlist so you can serve with the crew from the James E. Williams around the 2008-2009 time frame. They're right up your moral alley. While you're at it, the Sherman's a great one too for someone like you.
    Idiots like you are the reason the Navy is switching to BioFuels. Keep spreading your terribly written propaganda and when Obama gets another four years it'll be good game you stupid socialist fuck. You'll get just what you wanted. The same "Hope" and "Change" that Stalin promised.

    1. I assumed it arrived after Jim went to bed, and he hasn't gotten around to killing it.

    2. Yes, Anonymous posed after I'd gone to bed, but his comment is just so incredibly awesome that I would have left it up even if I'd been awake when he roared past in his little car screaming and waving his finger in the air. Because his comment is beautiful. It's just so...awesomely beautiful. I could write an entire post about it, if, you know, I hadn't already.

      I'm curious, Anonymous, which part of this essay did you take exception to?

      It was the crack about the Truck-Nutz, wasn't it? Seriously, I didn't mean to insult your mom, Anonymous. And I'm sorry that everybody else in the Navy didn't live up to your standards, perhaps the Church would be more to your liking - I hear they're the epitome of morality and you already hate all the right people. But I digress.

      I require clarification, Anonymous, help me out here. Which part of what I wrote in this essay makes me unpatriotic? Which part makes me the guy who would steal dirty skivvies out of berthing laundry bags? Which part demonstrates my dumbfounding grasp of history or my shitty ASVAB scores? Which part makes me a stupid socialist fuck?

      Really, I'd like to know.

      Was it the part where I didn't condemn Mitt Romney for shamelessly using a dead SEAL's name for political purposes?

      Was it the part where I said electing a politician who thinks it's OK to kill your own kids is perhaps just a little silly?

      Was it the part where I said that electing a guy who thinks slavery was just plain Jim Dandy and wants to bring back the confederacy as some kind of Christian theocracy might also perhaps not be the smartest thing we could do? Or in the best interest of the United States?

      Was it the fact that I poked fun at poor old Todd Akin's ongoing train wreck of Misogyny? Er,sorry, that's a big word, isn't it? Misogyny. Jesus Lovin' Woman hatin' that's what I mean. Was it that? Or are you one of Roger Rivard's bastards? I'm just asking, is all.

      It was the Nazis, wasn't it? You took exception to the Moon Nazis.

      Anonymous, I want to thank you. I do. I want to thank you and your massive pair of swollen Truck-Nutz for taking the time to out of your busy, busy day to confirm the underlying message of this post. Your road raging response is exactly, exactly, what I was talking about. So again, thanks for being you, thanks for being that hateful bigoted bible thumping religious troll who lives in every berthing compartment and despises his shipmates behind their backs. Thanks for being that guy.

      Now, do me a big favor, Anonymous, piss off.

    3. Annnnd - Exhibit A - Troll throwing insults without any actual substance to back up his refutations. I think his feelings must have gotten hurt. Maybe his truck nuts are too tight?

    4. I'm not sure this is a real troll. I think it may be a troll impostor. The grammar isn't horrendous, and there aren't enough capitals.

    5. I'm mortified, and, I think that guy is related to me. SO sorry. We are somewhat distant on the tree, though.

    6. No worries. Every family has at least one ;)

    7. Thank you for not holding my family up as an example...yet. Sadly, IF it was him, he's a MC with the SEALs, too bad he's pushing that bull on impressionable young sailors.

    8. The scary thing is he is a Master Chief, a SEAL, and pushing that crap on young minds as an "East Bay Patriot" (ironic title there...).

    9. Jim,
      I would like to thank you and the other "idiots" for getting the Navy to switch to biofuels.
      San Diego and Norfolk smell like peanut butter.

  41. Jim your posts brighten up my day, you remind me of an armoury sergeant that I met through The Cadet Corps at my school. Taught me a great deal about life.
    We always used to get the newest recruits to ask him "Is it cold in Korea?". Which was always followed be a explosion of the most creative swearing is has been my good fortune to learn from! Followed by said recruit being ordered to clean every rifle in the armoury.
    He really didn't like Korea, and yes it was very. very, very, very cold in Korea. Weirdly he was somewhat to the left of Trotsky politically.

  42. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJB2Q9gh2uE

    Somehow your post reminded me of these guys.

  43. The search for the Gumby sketches threw this one up!


  44. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NF4PbqJsRH4

    And this is something I found this week, perfectly shows what you are driving at in this series of articles. Stay with it it takes time but he does a complete meltdown.

  45. Mister Wright, you have again made me laugh in relieved delight after several unrelieved days of watching the Rage rage on. There's a site called Prepare to Take America Back in which the admin posted a closeup of a bullet saying something about "by bullet or by ballot." It was fun for a while reporting the pic every time they put it back up but then it got tiring. Some of the fear-driven delusions over that way make me wonder if there are two parallel information streams that will never meet, or even leak a little. Went back to my leftie perch and noticed the same sort of thing coming from my frightened friends. I decided therefore to make a page for my cat, and concentrate on Trap, neuter and return the feral kitties. They'll still be here come November.

  46. Politics and Road Rage. Yep, great analogy. Thanks for leaving the troll up too. I'm not usually quick enough to see them...

    1. Well, there's something extra spacial in the irony department about this particular troll making that particular comment on this particular post. It warms my flinty black heart it does.

  47. Jim, you brighten my day any time i visit Stone Kettle. However the Romney story has a part that you neglected and that part makes it objectionable. A friend of the young man who died said that Romney introduced himself to him 3 or 4 times, not realizing he was talking to the same person. Rather impressed with the young man was he? the other part is that Romney continued and I paraphrase here."The young man and his partners were quartered several miles away from the consulate. They didn't hunker down in safety - they ran toward the danger and fought. And that's what Americans do. They fight just like we are fighting(meaning me and Ryan and Republicans)" Thus Romney who spent the Vietnam war in France held himself out as fighting just like that officer. that is what is shameful.

  48. Thanks again for brightening an otherwise dull day. You are the MAN!


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