Sunday, May 6, 2012

OMG! Nazis! Nazis Everywhere!


Last week the Obama campaign released their new campaign slogan:


That’s the new slogan, Forward.

The Obama campaign likes simple one-word slogans and given today’s sound bite mentality that’s very likely a good idea.


I probably wouldn’t have gone with Forward myself. In my mind it’s not really as inspiring as the campaign’s previous one word slogan, Hope.  Plus, the word hope only has one syllable, forward has two and the campaign risks losing the undecided vote with such a lengthy message.  If they were going to use a direction as a campaign slogan, for the majority of Americans it probably would have been better if they just grunted and pointed (of course pointing is fraught with risk too, you don’t want to get caught gesturing towards Canada, or worse Mexico. You know, on second thought, never mind).

So, anyway, Forward.

Moving toward the front, forward.

As in the direction that one is facing or traveling. Forward.

Into the future. Forward.

Seems harmless enough, right?


For those of you who didn’t watch the video (because, Dread Cthulhu, Man, it’s like seven minutes long!), it begins by summarizing the grim situation President Obama inherited from the previous administration when he took office three years ago. The video then lists the president’s numerous accomplishments, both foreign and domestic, and goes on to mention that Obama managed to accomplish all of that in spite of the deliberate and sustained obstructionism of media pundits, truthers, birthers, flat-earthers, bug-eaters, loons, goons, poltroons, and congressional Republicans (my personal favorite is that little smirk on Mitch McConnell’s sallow pasty face. If Obama does get reelected, I’m going to enjoy watching him eat those words). 

The video concludes with the president’s ringing endorsement of the middle class and the American dream and of the United States itself.

“Hard work, determination, real results,” says the voiceover.

Hard work plus determination equals results, isn’t that what so many conservatives have been saying for the last three years?

OK, sure it comes out sounding like “Get a job, Hippies!” and “Screw you, I got mine,” but isn’t that exactly what republicans have been saying?  Work hard and you’ll be rewarded, forward to the American dream, right? There are plenty of jobs, you just need to get off your dead lazy socialist ass and go get one. Work hard and maybe someday you too can make millions liquidating companies and sending jobs overseas.

The clear and obvious message behind the above video is that while the president feels we’ve come a long way during these last three years, there is still much more – economically, domestically, and in the foreign policy arena – to be done in the coming years.  We'll need to work hard, stay the course, and eventually we’ll be back on top.

The video ends with one word: Forward.

Forward, isn’t that exactly the direction conservatives have been giving Obama for the last three years? Forward. Quit looking backward. Quit blaming Bush.  Quit complaining about the mess left by previous administrations and Wall Street and the banks and business. We need to stop talking about the past and start moving forward to the future.

Forward, it doesn’t get anymore American than that, right?


Yeah, American all right, American communist.

Forward, my easily amused electronic friends, is actually a totally secret hidden code word for socialism, communism, Nazis, godless baby eating atheism, Illuminati, shiny shaven vajazzled harlots running rampant in the streets, Canadians, mass abortions, Muslims, poison arrows falling from the sky, Justin Beiber, sissy electric cars, Marxists, the Anti-Christ, militant vegetarianism, death panels, FEMA labor camps, the Metric System, lite beer, the Lifetime Channel, and the sparkly nacho-cheese flavored fabulously stylish rainbow-colored gay agenda.

It’s totally true.

No, really it is. 

Forward = Commies.




Whoa, Jim, I hear you say at last in that cautiously placating voice you use when you think I’ve been mixing drain-cleaner and recreational narcotics again and you’re frantically trying to find the number for emergency mental health services while keeping me calm long enough for the guys with the stun guns and pepper spray to arrive. What’s that you say, Jim? Forward is a communist slogan? Sure. Whatever you say, Chief, just stay right there and don’t worry about those sirens.

OK, you’re skeptical.

Fine. Be that way. Go on then, don’t take my word for it.

Instead listen to Glenn Beck ferret out Obama’s secret totally hidden plan to use his Magic Negro-Ray and the secret armies of Communist Cannibal Death Nazis of Death to achieve absolute world domination (WARNING: you may actually feel yourself devolving into a more primitive life-form during the following video.  Those who are already running a brain cell deficit are strongly cautioned to skip the video, otherwise you may end up as a bowl of pudding):

Did you make it through the video? (If you’re suffering brain spasms, watch this. The nausea and vomiting will pass eventually)

Sure, to the untrained eye, Beck sounds like gibberish, the kind of booger-eating Palinesque random word salad stream of consciousness generated by an unhinged under-medicated paranoid, of course it does.  But remember, Glenn Beck is also the guy who discovered Nazis in Grandpa’s Medicare, Marxism in ancient Babylon, and secret communists at FEMA. Say what you like, Beck knows his way around a conspiracy theory (it’s also likely that he knows his way around a drain cleaner and narcotic highball, but I digress).

Besides, it’s not just Glenn Beck, folks.  Fox Nation, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, why all sorts of totally reliable sources agree.

Want more proof?

Over on ZIMBIO, there’s a compelling piece titled:  Obama Campaign Slogan "Forward" or "Vorwärts". Think Karl Marx.  The author, a intellectual giant and obvious expert on all matters historical, explains how Obama’s slogan “Forward” is the same as “Vorwärts” which a is German for “Forward.” 

Ah ha!


What do you mean you don’t see it? Dude, look: Forward = Vorwärts.

No? Try harder.

Forward = Vorwärts = Forward = Vorwärts = Forward, shake, lather (emphasis on lather), repeat. 

Still nothing, eh? Here, drink some of this drain cleaner.

Look, English has a word for Forward. German has a word for Forward. Coincidence? Not likely.  English = German and German = Nazis and if English equals German and German equals Nazis then America equals Nazis, Q.E.D. That’s math, folks. Math don’t lie, that’s in the Bible and you can look it up.

Get it now?

The only good logic is the circular kind, folks. Take another slug of that drain cleaner and pass the bottle around, tastes like tea doesn’t it? Mmmm, good.


Now if those filthy socialist umlauts weren’t condemnation enough, Vorwärts is also the name of a song sung by the Hitler Youth back in old communist Nazi Germany

That’s right, Hitler Youth.

Oh, now the light comes on, does it? Hitler’s Nazi fascists and Karl Marx’s communists were Best Friends ForEVAH.  That’s right. Everybody knows that, everybody whose history textbooks were printed in Texas anyway.

It’s pretty hard to argue with that kind of logic, isn’t it?

You bet it is.

You drink enough drain cleaner and you start to see things in a whole new light.

Forward? Why it’s like Obama is just rubbing your face in it, isn’t it? Who did he praise in that video? Teachers? Firemen? Police? Autoworkers? College students, women, construction workers? The middle class. Communists one and all!  Who did he condemn? That’s right, banks, Wall Street, Oil Companies! Real Americans. Obama hates capitalism!

Ended the war?

Killed Osama?

You know who else ended a war in Afghanistan and tried to kill Osama bin Ladin? I’ll tell you, the Soviets

Except those Russian commies failed, Obama actually did it.  Sweet Nacho-Flavored Jesus, Obama is a better communist than the Soviet Union!

Wait, hold on, what’s this?

Seal of Wisconsin.svg

Holy Hell! Forward is the motto of Wisconsin! Wisconsin is communist!  We’ve been eating Marxist cheese! Is that a Russian Bear under the Nazi Forward banner? I think it is (What? It’s a badger not a bear you say? Yeah and what animal did the USSR name their atomic bombers after?)  God’s hairy belly button, look at that damned picture, hammer, arm, plow, two gay guys, it’s like you can feel yourself being indoctrinated into the Nazi Communist Party of Socialist Fascism!

I know what you’re thinking: Boy oh boy, I wish I’d taken the blue pill.

Me too.

Forward. Dread Cthulhu, I had no idea how far the rabbit hole went.

No idea at all.

Who’s this guy?

Lebron James? Famous American basketball player, one of the best in the world. What position does he play? Oh, yes, that’s right, Forward.  Good Grief, look at that guy, no wonder Conservatives are scared. Put a bag of Skittles in his hand and Lebron would be the spitting image of Lenin!

Hey, how about this socialist?

AP412 - Let Us Go Forward Together, Winston Churchill 1940 War Poster (30x40cm Art Print)

Winston Churchill a dirty Marxist? Say it ain’t so!

“We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”  – Walt Disney

Walt Disney, folks. Secret communist.

“The choice before the American people this year is of overwhelming importance: whether to hand the government back to the liberals or move forward with the conservative agenda.” — Ronald Reagan, 1986.

Et tu, Ronnie? Et tu?

Forewarned is forearmed.

Oh but it’s so much worse than that. So much worse. Want to know the name of the preeminent Jewish daily news site? Forward.  Yes, that’s right, the Jews own Forward.com. Can you believe it? The Jews are Nazis!

Wait, wouldn’t that make supporting Israel the same as supporting communism?

For the answer to that question and many more you didn’t know you wanted to ask, tune into Glenn Beck.

Remember to keep looking backward, folks.

For America.



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Couple of things:

- First, Afterword, I hope you see what I did there.

- You know, if anybody else other than the usual conservative pundits went on national media and in complete candor said this kind of bizarre stupid silly conspiracy nut nonsense, they would get locked up in the boobyhatch and pumped full of happy juice.   Glenn Beck’s mental illness is almost funny – in a sad, kicking the spaz sort of way – until you suddenly realize that it’s contagious.  Especially for people with compromised immune systems.  Education seems to be an antibody, but too many of these twits are the educational equivalent of anti-vaxxers.  Glenn Beck is the Typhoid Mary of politics.

- The part I don’t get is how Beck, Limbaugh, Fox News, and the rest of these drooling booger-eating yoyos figure that Obama is so nefarious, so clever, so tenacious, so single minded and dedicated to his cause, that he plotted from before he was born to take over the world, kill Jesus, and turn America into tasty nacho-flavored Communism, and he did it so well that he actually managed to get himself elected. But then he what? Couldn’t resist putting a Nazi slogan on his bumper stickers, because, why again?

- For a political party and an ideology composed in significant fraction by people who like to refer to themselves as “The Greatest Generation” (and really, no arrogance there. No no, you’re awesome. We totally suck. Not your fault though) and who like to go on ad nauseum about how they single handedly won World War II and the Cold War, how they personally cornholed Hitler and kicked the Soviet Union’s ass and made the world free for democracy – they sure don’t seem to understand that the terms “Nazi” and “Communist” are not interchangeable (Of course, that would require that the Greatest Generation admit that they allied with the communists to fight the fascists, funny how they leave that out of the history books nowadays, but I digress).  Honestly, I simply cannot fathom how anybody, let alone this particular group, can’t seem to get it through their pointy heads that fascism is one end of the political spectrum and communism is the other.  They may both suck, but they suck in totally different ways.  To me, nothing says your argument is invalid quicker than using “Marxist,” “Fascist,” “Communist,” and “Nazi” interchangeably.  It ought to be legal to slap the Ben Franklin Powdered Wig right off their silly heads.

- Don’t get me wrong, and don’t get too smug. Liberals have their fair share of gibbering loons too.  The extremists on both sides keep talking about taking their country back or words to that affect, I think it’s about time for Americans, reasonable intelligent moderate Americans on both sides of the aisle to step up, speak up, and start marginalizing these goofs.  The people who nominated Romney have a lot more in common with the people who nominated Obama than they do with the vocal nutjobs in their own party, extremists like Glenn Beck and his horde of drain-cleaner swilling followers.  The reverse is also true.


  1. I've been waiting for this one.

    Even here in Texas, some people DO know that "commie" and "socialist" and "nazi" and fascist" do not all mean the same thing, and cannot all be interchangably used as the fear-producing Diss of the Day.

    1. here in Texas, some people DO know that "commie" and "socialist" and "nazi" and fascist" do not all mean the same thing

      You lie!

      Why are you such a liar, Mary. Oh yes, that's right, you're from Texas.

    2. I also live in Texas and there are people who know the difference between those terms...at last count, I believe there were eight of us.

    3. Hey, I only pick on Texas for two reasons, 1) it's just so darn easy, and, well, 2) I live in Alaska and it makes me feel better.

    4. We have an old friend who was sentenced to work in Texas by her company. When we flew out to visit her and her Old Man, the first thing she said when she picked us up at the airport was "Welcome to Texas! Set your watch back 150 years."

    5. Come now, I too am Texan and I am ashamed to see it so blatantly misrepresented.

      It's 200 years, at the least.

    6. I'm one of the 8....so with our count here, we have at least 5? Oh and my husband makes 6...if Anonymous and marykmusic are married, we found all 8 of us! At least we know Jim found his target audience here!

    7. There would have been 2 more, but after George II was elected governor, I packed up and left-- dragging my husband and dogs with me.

  2. In other news the actual Nazi party won enough of the vote in Greece to be represented in the Greek parliament and the Pirates won seats in Germany.

  3. I live in Wisconsin and never new we were communist! Thanks.
    FYI Tue is recall election primary day.

    1. I always wonder: if Wisconsin is Communist... does that make Scott Walker a communist?

      And if so, what business do the nice folks in Grant County have in supporting him anyway? Bet if that was pointed out, they'd want him recalled ASAP!


    2. Sorry, I meant "knew".

  4. "shiny shaven vajazzled harlots running rampant in the streets"

    Damn, I need to move to your town...

  5. Yes, incredible isn't it, that Satan or God or someone in the know planned this all out before baby Barack was even born, right down to the rally in Germany. Wow...why didn't we see this sooner? Those Germans LOVE him. He got a bigger crowd than Hitler, and he wasn't even elected yet! Had to be a commie plot, unless it was the fascists. Or the liberals...they always have a trick up their sleeves (better known as facts.) Pr maybe it was trick photography...you know, when someone with no morals uses shots from one thing and calls it another without checking the leaves on the trees and whether the crowd is shirtless or in wool? It would be funny if the right wasn't so darn sure they're right (or at least sure that if they SOUND right, they can convince the deadheads out there to agree with them.) And on we go...forward into the brink.

  6. NOW I GET IT! I couldn't believe the drivel in Thomas Lucente Jr.'s opinion piece in this morning's Lima News, in Lima, OH. http://www.limaohio.com/articles/forward-82990-obama-http.html He wasn't being original, he was channeling Glenn Beck! Dang, these FOX/Beck clones are fast. Can't wait to forward your piece to him! Good work Jim!

    1. You're going to "forward" this Jane?

  7. Right out of the fucking park!!!!!

  8. You have such a way of breaking it down. We need to some how get you a segment on Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert. This is great stuff!

  9. This is incredibly awesome! I've had to explain to people why fascism and communism are *not* the same thing at all. They look at me like I grew two heads.

    Now, to make people read this...

    1. Well, Communism and Fascism are not the same only if you look at it through the lens of history and reality.

      But in theory...

      Back in the Reagan days, I was a college student studying history. One of the great controversies of the day - one that consumed my most excellent advisor, unfortunately - was the relationship between Fascism and Communism. As the Germans were now our friends, and the Russians the Evil Empire, some explanation needed to be made as to how the Germans, so lovely since WWII, could possibly have been SO DAMNED EVIL just before and during, could possibly have succumbed to Naziism. A similar explanation was needed for how it was that the Russians, so helpful during WWII, could have become SO DAMNED EVIL since.

      The solution? Totalitarianism, it turns out, did not grow out of social and economic forces. It was not tied to history or national character or any other feature of the society in which it arose. Instead, it was a disease, an external force, that landed on those lovely leder-hosen-wearing Germans and turned them Nazi. When it was excised by the glory of WWII, it rose up and landed on Russia, turning them from Communist to Totalitarianism.

      When my aforementioned advisor pointed out that this was a ridiculous theory, he was effectively drummed out of the profession.

      Having imposed this view on the past, I believe the same folks went on to make Red Dawn. It's been downhill on the right ever since.

  10. I am not sure if the following wording is correct - wiki makes one lazy when searching for the quotes - but the sentiment is definitely correct.

    Winston Churchill declared that, "if Hitler invaded Hell, I would make at least a favorable reference to the Devil in the House of Commons," in support of British aid to Soviet forces.
    Franklin D. Roosevelt was also wary of Joseph Stalin and his dictatorial regime, but realized the Soviets were necessary for the Allied war effort.

    No surprise that history has no meaning to the lunatic fringe when they distort what happened much more recently to correspond to their own view of reality. Whether or not John McCain fits the definition of "lunatic fringe" (but increasingly it appears that he does) he did remark on "this week" that in the selection of a VP the most important aspect was their ability to take over the top role. “I happen to believe that was the … primary factor on my decision in 2008".

    Watched the first video - and have seen many times the meaning of the smirk from Mitch McConnell - I couldn't watch Glen Beck - just couldn't do it.

    1. No no no TS, this makes PERFECT sense! It was totally obvious to McCain that Obama was way more qualified for the top role, so he torpedoed his own campaign. I am glad that he finally is admitting it!

  11. I too find Glenn Beck a brain contracting exercise.

    1. Glenn Beck is preparation h for the brain.

    2. You do realize Preparation H is a treatment not a conditions. A soothing one no less...

  12. For some reason my brain is trying to re-write "The Great Nations of Europe" by Randy Newman, but only entitled "The Grand Old Party of America."

    "Hide your sons and daughters, hide the groceries too, the Grand Old Party of America coming through."

    1. That's it. Something was banging around in the back of my brain, that's it. Thank you, Buchheit, for knocking it loose!

    2. Hey, I'm here for ya, man. :)

      The Grand Compromise Deal, first plan to which they came,
      they slaughtered all the moderates there which gave the plan its fame.
      There were natives there called RINOs, RINOs by the score,
      But NRA, Crossroads, the Tea Parties, they weren't there any more.

  13. I know McConnell is supposed to resemble a turtle, but he always reminds me of Ronald Lacey (the black-garbed Nazi guy) in Raiders of the Lost Ark who dissolves into a puddle of fat and nastiness. Little round glasses, evil smirk, melting neck. Sounds like McConnell, no?

    "You may end up as a bowl of pudding"-isn't Beck's head already filled with tapioca? A pudding cup that exudes paranoia, mold and and a faint smell of onion.


    1. LOL! And don't forget the added smell of the Vicks-Vapo-Rub he puts in his eyes to induce tears. If anything, you're too kind. ;-)

  14. And, since we've been moving forward since 1848, we are the most commie of them all. We actually had a number of socialist mayors here in Milwaukee back in the day, too; Seidel, Hoan, Ziedler. We were socialist before socialism was KEWL; nah, we MADE socialism cool!

    PS. Not only is our flag all the things you say, it was also recently mistaken for a labor union flag when Pres. Obama came to visit (and Gov. Walker, --or as I refer to him 'Droopy Dawg'-- had an eight-hour-long case of the "stomach flu" and couldn't come for a tour of Master Lock with our Pres.) See, our flag says "1848" and "Wisconsin" on it and some Fox-type reporter (actually Politico) mistook the state flag for a "Local Wisconsin 1848" labor union flag. I kid you not--use the google.

    1. Reminds me of the time during the 2008 election when President Obama spoke in Ohio surrounded by several Ohio state flags --- flags with stars in the shape of an "O" --- which Glenn Beck claimed was Obama's personal flag.

  15. The inability of "pundits?" like Beck, to grasp the most simple concept of a political spectrum,(I guess color wheels give them fits as well) plays right in to the hands of the Orc's that follow him: They can only be expected to latch on to single words, and even then, not their actual meanings.
    Remember when it first dawned on Beck that the acronym "Nazi" contained the word "socialist"? It was like he had just discovered masturbation...unfortunate that he discovered it so publicly.
    No one ever bothered to point out to him that it was the synonyms that were the problem. Like how the Nazis rode to power making the word "communist" synonymous with the word "Jew". Or how Hitler used the wealthy "capitalist" industrialists to build his machine.
    Of course, the words plutocracy, oligarchy and totalitarianism ect....never seemed to make it in to his vocabulary, to many syllables I guess.

  16. Awwwwww, that puppy is sooooo cute!

    Whut wuz all dat udder drivel bout wit' dem dar phancie werdz?

  17. it's difficult for me to appreciate why those who subscribe to the worm infested ideas of glenn beck,sean hannity, rushbo and the others, don't see them for what they truly are, selfish, greedy, profiteers, getting wealthy at the expense of our democracy. the medicine show, complete with snake charmers.....
    another home run.....back,back, back, back, it's outa here

  18. As one of the left-left persuasion, waaayyyy down in the basement in the Political Compass scale(the Dalai Lama and Mr Ghandi come in 3 floors above me) I'm sick unto perdition of this gobbeldygook about Mr Obama being a communist, socialist, Marxist, blah, blah, blah and the doofus Nazi crap on top of it .
    President Obama is a Centrist- straight up Centrist. I don't agree with a lot of what Centrism is , matter of fact I think the central tenets are just wrong, but the man has done fine as President . Maybe better than fine considering the horsepunky thrown at him from day one and he's about as communist as Nixon was an SLA member...he's not.

    Don't have TV, had never seen Mr Beck.
    Made it all the way through the video.
    Poster child for the necessity of teaching informal and formal logic starting at age 8.
    Jeez- what a doof.
    Thanks for the pup antidote. Worked some.

    Alaska Pi

  19. Wisconsin's Scott Walker is running an ad that reads:

    "Forward. Walker. Backwards. Barrett."

    1. My reaction to hearing a clip of his "victory" speech from Tuesday's primary:

      "Exactly how is repealing Collective Bargaining and the Fair Wage law moving 'FORWARD', Mr. Walker?"

  20. Thank you for the cute puppy video - it regenerated all those brain cells that ran screaming from my head while watching Glenn Beck (and so you know, if that video had been on any other website I would have refused to watch it - but I noticed you were kind enough to post the antidote for which I am thankful).

  21. You forgot this one. The white word over the top is "Freedom". Underneath the caption reads "Comrade Democrats, Ivan and Uncle Sam".

    This one is the classic: "Forward to the complete destruction of the enemy".

    Communists, Nazis, Teabaggers. They all want to tell you how to live youe life, and they all hate each other. Maybe they are the same after all. :D

  22. Beck and his fans have read and lived way too much Tolkien. Swap commies, socialists and nazis with ringwraiths, goblins, dark riders. All the same: THE BAD GUYS. Of course, President Obama is Sauron. And these people are supposedly grown adults. Voting adults.

    These people have ruined a childhood classic for me.

    Excellent post, again, Mr. Wright. Thanks.


  23. "forward has two and the campaign risks *loosing* the undecided vote"

    You, Jim, a writer. I'm going to have to go lie down.


  24. Loosing, as in loosing them into the political fray. See, I totally meant to do that.

    You buying This?

  25. I was looking for This Old House for advice on grout....?

    Am I in the wrong place?

    1. Grout? Sounds like Kraut! You bastard 19th century Marxist bastard Obama Muslim Trotskiite Mau Mau redecorationist free sex bathroom fetishist! Have you no shame?

    2. Godamn Sailor, screwing up the tubes and making everybody crazy! Jim is the Brightfart from the plaid side. (Black Watch or Campbell I'm sure.)

    3. Straight ahead for 3 IP's, turn right at the Viagra ad, go up five blogs and take a sharp left. Voila!
      "This Old Grout", aka John McCain's website. "This Old Trout", Ron Paul's website, is down 8 flights of crazy.

  26. Wonderful truth and logic. You have already achieved your goal to be a writer. Thanks for sharing.

  27. Jim- You know, if you print out your article, turn it upside down and read it in a mirror it STILL makes more sense than the Glenn Beck piece! Thanks for the cute dog antidote, it saved my life!!! I'm NOT from Texas, but North Carolina, where the crazies just today joined the other Southern Crazy Alliance states and passed an amendment that not only said that GOD ordained ONLY One Man/One Woman marriage, but they passed that it was THE ONLY LEGAL FORM OF UNION...thereby invalidating all the less conventional unions immediately and putting at risk many people's insurance benefits, survivors' rights, last names (as in all the common-law marriages out there, spousal rights for those intentionally living together but not "officially" made one by their local (witch doctor) pastor. But hey, GOD said it, right? That's what Billy and Franklin Graham said, and THEY KNOW what God's got in his mind, y'know?

    1. So... marriage is defined as a union between 1 man and 1 woman in North Carolina, is it? So who is the 1 man and who is the 1 woman?

      (sorry, my old habit of deliberately misunderstanding people is coming out to play again... that hasn't happened since high school)

  28. My friend and I ran through the exercise of reading this particular entry out loud... sans the video.

    If you were going for Glenn Beck Nuts in the first part, you succeeded. Beyond your wildest imaginings. *wry*


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