I made a joke.
It was in bad taste.
But then, nowadays? What's good taste?
See, Ivana Trump died. She fell down the stairs. "Accidentally," I'm told.
That's terrible. A tragedy.
I wouldn't want that to happen to anyone. I mean, I don't have much use for rich socialites, but I certainly didn't wish her ill. She was once married to Donald Trump after all and her kids are... well, let's just say she probably suffered enough.
Or, maybe not.
Because Donald Trump had her buried on his golf course.
Donald Trump buried his ex-wife on his golf course.
Donald Trump had the woman who divorced him for "cruel and inhuman treatment," the woman Trump had to pay $14 million to and hand over his mansion in Greenwich, that woman, buried on first hole of his golf course in New Jersey.
But wait, there's more!
Given Trump's record of grift and revenge combined with naked greed, he likely did it because under New Jersey law, designating Trump National Golf Course as a cemetery -- even if there's only one grave on the whole vast estate (and there is, only one grave) -- means that the property is now exempt from both taxes and sale or seizure for collection of judgements against the company that owns it, i.e. Donald Trump.
I mean, goddamn, that's the punchline to a at least a dozen late-night monologues.
So, I made a joke.
You bet. And why the hell not?
Don't speak ill of the dead? Depends on the dead. Why do I owe these horrible people any respect whatsoever, living or dead? The Trump family, her own goddamn kids, had her buried on a fucking golf course owned her ex-husband for a tax break. I'm not sure where my wisecrack ranks, disrespect-wise, compared to that, but I'm not going to lose any sleep worrying about it.
Well, you know me. Sometimes I make comments that are bait.
And once the waters of Twitter were chummed, well, it didn't take long for the outraged bottom-feeders to start circling 'round.
Oh, probably a lot of things, but you're right. You're right.
Suggesting they turn Melania into omelet topping was wrong.
Given the amount of silicon involved, the responsible woke thing would have been to recommend plastics recycling.
Yeah, I'm the one with the giant Trump signs in my yard and plastered all over the back of my car.
Next to those Confederate flags. You know, a nation of slaver seditionists who only lasted four years and have been defunct for a century and a half now?
Who's obsessed again?
I could go on, and if you're really interested in every response, you can peruse my Twitter feed for yourself. No, It was this guy, Jeff, angry old white man with his technology impaired off-center, up-the-nose laptop selfie, who I was waiting for.
Like I said, bait.
And he didn't disappoint.
I hope they spread you over a pile of cow shit, he says.
Fair enough, I suppose. The roses will look good.
Me? I hope my readers have me stuffed and set on a concrete pedestal in front of your house, giving you the finger for all of eternity. Every time you look out your window, every time you mow your grass, every time the priest comes over for dinner, there'll I'll be. Up yours, Jeff!
Hell, for that matter, I'd be thrilled if you put my petrified carcass right next to Ivana on the sixteenth green and Trump can kiss my bronzed ass every damn day.
Make him earn that tax break.
That said, what's your problem?
What are you mad about?
You, you Trump voters? You Republicans? Isn't this what you wanted?
Well, isn't it?
Isn't this exactly the world you want?
This kind of crass, unfeeling, laugh-at-other's-misfortune world?
That's the guy you love, the guy you follow, the ideology you embrace. That's what you voted for, isn't it?
This is you, right?
This is you, right here. Fuck your feelings, Snowflake!
You mad, Bro?
You sad, Cuck? Awww.
That's you, isn't it?
Sure it is. I mean, you laughed when Trump flopped around on stage, flapping his arms, making weird noises, awwww, ooohhh, laaaaaaaa, mocking a disabled reporter.
That shit was fucking funnee, wasn't it? Sure, it still is, to you.
That's the MAGA world you wanted, wasn't it, Pussy?
Pussy, cuck, snowflake, soyboy, that's what you call people, don't you? I mean, you sure as hell don't use those terms out of respect, do you?
Crass, uncouth, ill-manned, uncultured, insensitive, that's what you voted for. That's what you wanted.
You hate the fucking elites with their effete manners and emasculated decorum.
That's why you proudly call yourself politically incorrect.
You're Unwoke. Grab 'em by the pussy and hold on! You're a 60-year-old man, but you're finally one of the cool kids. It's funny to own the libs, isn't it? Ha ha, grow a thicker skin, Beta!
Right? That's you, isn't it?
You're furious, every day. Aren't you? You're mad about everything, Black Lives, teachers, kneeling, masks, Antifas, Trans people, you got a whole damn list. Your pronouns are "fuck off" and "AR-15" and you're not on social media to make any friends and you're not afraid to let everyone know it.
Because you got no respect for anyone whose identity doesn't conform to your idea of how America should be.
I mean, that's you, isn't it?
You're so not woke you're damn near in a coma! And you're proud of it.
Proud? Hell, you love it. You love every nasty, hateful, spite-filled insult. Shifty Schiff. Little Rocket Man. Little Jeff Zucker. Cheatin' Obama. Crooked Hillary, Crazy Maxine Waters. Crazy Jim Acosta. Pocahontas. Crazy Bernie. Creepy Joe. Nervous Nancy. You absolutely loved it when Trump lowered the political dialog to grade school level. Ha ha, hilarious! Suck it, libs! Die mad!
When Cottoncandyhair McBonespurs called veterans like me "suckers and losers," where was your outrage?
No, to you that was just Trump saying it like it is.
That's what you love about him, don't you? That he says what you think, how you think word for word, and he's not afraid to say it out loud.
You cheered when Joe Wilson shouted "YOU LIE!" at President Obama in the middle of a State of the Union speech. Oh, you did, don't deny it. You still think that was great and you want more of it. Keep calling 'em out, Joe!
This, right here, this is the ugly, mean, gun-toting, crass, ignorant, jeering face of your ideology.
This is who you are and you're damn proud of it.
You're finally one of the cool kids, finally part of the in-crowd, you're one of the bullies now and man it feels good. This is who you've always wanted to be. As far back as you can remember. Isn't it? Yeah. Remember how you laughed when Rush Limbaugh called Michele Obama a "Silver Backed Gorilla?"
I do. I remember.
No outraged protest from you then, was there?
No, you loved every insult. Every jape. The hate made you feel special, better, superior. Every time Rush, or Glenn Beck, Anne Coulter, Alex Jones, et al, called a woman a slut or made a gay joke or was a racist. Funny shit, man. Funny shit. And so true, right? Yeah, they ought to give Rush a medal...
My disrespect? My insensitivity? My glee at your loss and tragedy? That's the world you asked for.
That's everything you ever wanted.
That's your callous ideology.
That's your miserable political party, every damn day.
And that is your crass sophomoric hateful ignorant bully of a president. That's everything you ever loved about him.
That is the world you wanted.
You're one of them now, just like you always wanted to be.
Choke on it.
Thank you for saying what I am not able to properly express. I proudly donate to Patreon to support you!ReplyDelete
Same. Thank you Jim.Delete
Thank you for this !Delete
Indeed - I really needed to read that today :-)Delete
That was a thing of beauty!Delete
Same - and thank you!Delete
Thank you Jim! Spot on as always.Delete
Thank you Jim….sharing with a few family membersDelete
Yes, a comment about grinding her up as recycling plastic would have been a better joke. Lol. Carry on. Excellent, as usual.Delete
Fabulous post, spot on as always. 'Proud Patreon supporter here.Delete
First time reader here *yes, lives under a rock.” Bravo! Somehow I feel better having read it, like I just threw an awesome 8-yr old’s tantrum and got everything bothering me on the inside, outside. I’d smoke a cigarette if I was a smoker. What amazes and bothers (fodder for a future tantrum) me even more is how many anonymous comments there are. ???Delete
You are so good Jim. I always read your postsDelete
Love it, love it, love it.Delete
Every word, every sentence is true. I wish we could put it on a loudspeaker, so each asshole can recognize himself/herself.Delete
Bravo! Jim. I’m writing this as I watch them revealing the affidavit s. So far, silence from the right.Delete
They voted for the Face-Eating Weasel Party and are suddenly surprised that a weasel just ate their face.ReplyDelete
Remember when he told this story over and over? Kind of ironic and one of the very few times he told the truth.Delete
"You knew damn well I was a snake before you brought me in."
“I never thought the leopards would eat MY face!” sobs the woman who voted for the Leopard’s Eating People’s Faces Party.Delete
Thank you for a good belly laugh and a great visual.Delete
Thank you, Jim.ReplyDelete
Fantastic! They sure love to shit on everyone and everything, but get really upset when you track shit in their house. Thank you Jim.ReplyDelete
I'm amazed that they can even see the tracks, as filthy as their floors are already.Delete
so, you're ultimately saying 'Trump won', cuz you're doing things the way he thinks is okay. Jumped right into that cesspool w/ him the others .. especially proud even cuz you did it better and more cleverly.ReplyDelete
.. and now you're looking for congratulations from us? ..
.. at least not from this veteran ..
Where was Jim looking for your “congratulations”?Delete
Sometimes, you have to put things in terms the people you are speaking to will understand. You have to meet them where they are. I’m not optimistic that any of them will read this essay or reflect on it if they do, however. Willful blindness refuses to see, after all.Delete
It's so cute when folks put words in the mouths of people they disagree with.Delete
It's so cute when people put words into the mouths of those they disagree with. It was a screed, "this veteran," a rant, and a mirror held up to the vile masses, nothing more.Delete
Incapable of recognizing Stonekettle's point or unwilling?Delete
The point Jim made went so far over your head it's getting air miles.Delete
dude i think you are totally missing his point while you are trying to score pious points on Mr. Stonekettle... Nope, not from THIS veteran.Delete
Tough words for someone posting anonymously.....Delete
"Air miles". heheheheDelete
Seems like you are a bit self-righteous... Jim never steps in cesspool with them, he sidesteps them with intelligenceDelete
This is my favorite essay you've written since I don't know when. It flawlessly points out the utter hypocrisy of MAGA-heads and how they are the very "snowflakes" they love to ridicule. Jokes and derogatory comments (if they decide that's what they are) are all fine and well until they are pointed at their own Cheeto Brigade, and then suddenly everyone is Sally Sensitive and a line must be drawn whilst they clutch their dollar store pearls. If only they could see themselves in the mirror you held up to them.ReplyDelete
They have always been the snowflakes. They are the ones who would lose their minds if anyone criticized government corruption, or wore their own damn hair long, or listened to rock music, or had the unmitigated audacity to be black and try to use the same water fountain, swimming pool, restaurant or bus seat, or school as the decent white folk. They love to blame others for their own faults, so now they call us snowflakes. Because every conservative accusation is a confession. Count on it.Delete
This is EXACTLY how to defeat these lunatic assholes. You don't turn the other cheek...you Opie Taylor them and light into them like a "windmill in a tornado". You and Jon Stewart need to go on a coast to coast tour...the trail you could blaze. Bravo and kudos to you. This is brilliant.Delete
That’s why accusations of voter fraud worry me. Since every accusation is a confession and they seemed so shocked they lost- was the fix in in the other direction? For instance, Mitch McConnell’s re-election was very questionable based on polling and how the votes fell compared to previous elections.Delete
So when do we set up the taxidermy GoFundMe? Not that I'm rushing your exit, of course, but we have to make that happen.ReplyDelete
Seriously, I am all for that, but I think we'd end up with a fight over where it goes. Maybe a traveling exhibition?Delete
Damn, what an essay!ReplyDelete
Oh. My. God. Jim, we can tell you have been storing up all of those responses, waiting for the one perfect moment to unleash a deluge of hilarious (to us) insultry upon those who are so deserving of it. And, in true Chief style, hardly any profanity required. A skill my grandfather possessed in spades (35 yrs USN, Senior Chief, WW2 vet).ReplyDelete
my keyboard is so happy i wasn't drinking anything when i got to the plastic recycling comment. oh my gosh, you made my day. keep it up!ReplyDelete
Wow Wow Wow!! You hit that ball all the way to marylogo....I love you moreReplyDelete
It's always hysterical to watch the ones who massively offend others get offended when being hoisted by their own petard. Brilliant essay, Jim. Just brilliant.ReplyDelete
And these are the people who think they're part of a "master race."ReplyDelete
I think this everytime i see footage of a rally with them sporting the shorts they created by desecrating a flag.Delete
You’re STILL my god, Jim!ReplyDelete
That was poetry, Chief..ReplyDelete
Right on, Jim, fuck them and their fragile feelers...bunch a god damn snowflakes.ReplyDelete
It strikes me that the ultimate Trumpian scam would be that that particular "grave" is actually empty. Just disturbed dirt and a bronze plaque.ReplyDelete
It does look as though Melania did the landscaping.Delete
You're a genius 👏!ReplyDelete
This. A thousand times, this.ReplyDelete
Cue the liberals that will advise you not to stoop to their level. Eff the high road, I appreciate everything you wrote here!ReplyDelete
Liberals are cheering right alongside of you.Delete
Mic. Drop. 👏👏👏Delete
You nailed it, right on their Gaetz-sized foreheads!ReplyDelete
I've been making lists of what I dislike about the GOP for the last 40 years. You've covered the entire list and you didn't even mention Reagan and Rove and Gingrich or Lee Atwater. Well done, Mr. Wright! I love you!ReplyDelete
That was perfect in every way. Well done Sir, well done.ReplyDelete
One of your best posts.ReplyDelete
Where’s the “You are my God” button when you need it?!ReplyDelete
Its been years, but you are still my god.ReplyDelete
Bang. Spot on.ReplyDelete
Seems about right.ReplyDelete
Ineligantly put and I love you for itReplyDelete
I bow to your eloquence with words. Thank you, thank you.ReplyDelete
Another great post. It's just sad that those who need this message won't read it (or can't read it?). If they didn't have their faux outrage to fuel them in the morning, I'm not sure what they would do.ReplyDelete
It's funny you should mention that...I keep seeing all these former administration staff releasing books. I mean, their target demographic isn't really bookish, are they?Delete
two thumbs up.....thank youReplyDelete
Hell yes. Give the motherfuckers EXACTLY what they asked for.ReplyDelete
If I ever run for political office I am going to hire you as my speech writer.ReplyDelete
Well...damn. Well said, Jim.ReplyDelete
✅ You are god.ReplyDelete
I love that you say the things I often thing of, but am not brave enough to express. And the way you express things? Holy cow Batman! You are a word master. I always look forward to your rants and for selfish reasons...they validate my thoughts. Thanks.ReplyDelete
Thank you for your amazing writingReplyDelete
Ayup. Who's da snowflake now, phone(y) warriors...ReplyDelete
Good one Jim.
As always, Thank you Jim for dropping the truth bombs!ReplyDelete
Nailed it. AGAIN. Thank you, Chief.ReplyDelete
It is all so sickening - to see a big portion of Americans revelling in their own pile of shit ! Rather scary .ReplyDelete
Apparently, Ivana is at the first hole. I figure Marla gets the second and Melania gets the third. Which leaves 15 more for assorted mistresses. Wonder if he's going to build a version of Grant's Tomb for himself? Of course, if he builds it, 1. He won't pay for it and 2. It will fall apart in a couple years.ReplyDelete
Gotta say Chief, you have a way with words that is downright sexy. The elegantly rapier-like way you phrase things without using one curse word just gives me goosebumps. Love this essay, one of your best.ReplyDelete
Thank you! That's really all I can think to say. I'd be giving you a standing ovation if you had been reading this aloud on a stage.ReplyDelete
yes! nailed it!ReplyDelete
Your joke made me laugh out loud.ReplyDelete
Thank you boss, said with pure respect. Also, a favor from you if you have spare time. I don't typically plug for large platforms to help amplify a great message from fact based & accurate historical evidence., BUT Jeffery Robinson released netflix, the most powerful doc I've ever seen w/devils in details previously unknown. And I'm pragmatic realist & knowledge seekerReplyDelete
'Who We Are' A Chronicle Of Racism In America
If you watch & agree.. it may help some understand biases and stop our harming ourselves from deception that's still alive and unwell. Thanks, either way.
How about after you're gone, we have a proper statue of you, bronzed, astride a giant chicken? Then your minions could place you at appropriate doors -- Knock, knock!ReplyDelete
God dammit, Chief, that was poetry to this former Tanker pilot.ReplyDelete
The irony behind virtue signaling, is that accusing one of it, is in itself, virtue signaling. ..... Great post!ReplyDelete
Boring correction, Jim: Ivana is buried off the first tee, not the back nine. My guess is TFG will line all his ex's up like a little mini-bitch-n-putz course for his youngest son.ReplyDelete
Great post - described him to a tee.ReplyDelete
What purpose do these arsicles serve? What alternative reality are they living in? Now I am a conservative with a SMALL c - I would be - over 20 years as a Military Officer, home owner no mortgage, small buisness owner. And afore anyone starts, our Conservatives in the UK are to the left of your Democrats. Who are these window licking, mouth breathing, poltroons? One of the reasons I have cut down on Social Media is because I have to keep throwing these spit dribbling wankers in my Iggy Bin and I am so tired of their nonsense.ReplyDelete
Yaaaassss!! SO well said! RAWR!ReplyDelete
You are AMAZING! I want to be like you when I grow up! It’s everything that needs to be said!ReplyDelete
This is incredible!Delete
Ok, you nailed it! I'll buy a pen (or two)...ReplyDelete
Brilliant once again.ReplyDelete
Thanks for saying what we all think in terms they might understand.ReplyDelete
Thank you, just thank you! Your posts are, literally, saving my sanity.ReplyDelete
The best post ever! I am honored to read V your words and follow you on this journey!ReplyDelete
It’s going to be a new business venture? He’s got both enough followers and enough property.ReplyDelete
Preach it! Thank you Jim!ReplyDelete
Bravo 👏 👏👏👏👏👏ReplyDelete
Be careful what you wish for, you may just get it. Well now they have it. You Tdumpsters want Democrats to be more like you. Here you go. Choke on it.ReplyDelete
Silicone, not silicon. She's rubber, not a computer.ReplyDelete
It was a robot joke. Not a comment on whatever cosmetic work she may or may not have done.
How do they not see this? Is it because they didn’t come up with it first? Their very existence is the personification of poor taste, and that’s just the least of it. Cruel, ignorant, and , frankly, in-American.ReplyDelete
Thank you for your honesty.
This is awesome! Well said as always.ReplyDelete
Brilliant, pithy, and so well and righteously deserved.ReplyDelete
Just when I think I couldn't love you more, you write this! Thank you for being you!ReplyDelete
Right on, Jim. Thank you.ReplyDelete
Thank you Jim! Seriously, thank you!ReplyDelete
"You mad bro?" I would love to hear that out of a MAGAt!ReplyDelete
That's the meme of Richard Sherman from the Seattle Seahawks saying that to Tom Brady of the NE Patriots after a October 2012 game where the Seahawks came from behind to win by one point. It was an amazing game, well fought, and as I am a Seahawks fan, well won.
All of my friends from the New England area have negative opinions of Richard Sherman, wonder why?
I think your joke is just fine. Although Melania should probably be in plastic recyclables.ReplyDelete
And yes, that is the world they wanted and they are the thinnest skinned comatose asses ever.
Fuckin' A, my dude. I wish I had half your skills.ReplyDelete
It's not skills, it's intellect.Delete
If I had 4 thumbs, this post definitely deserved them So concisely spoken with just the right amount of venom, logic and sanity. Bravo sir! Made my night.Delete
Brilliant. That’s all. 👍ReplyDelete
Awesome. Nicely done.ReplyDelete
Right on point. 100%. Every single bit of it.ReplyDelete
Yes. Though mixed plastic is just binned.ReplyDelete
Every word of this. . . The troglodytes will never understand the irony.ReplyDelete
Well done Jim.
This is all absolutely correct. This reminds me of the factual comments I made when Limbaugh died. They came at me hard. Of course they were all hypocrites. They are all hypocrites, all the time. What’s fine for the far right is an evil sin if a lib does the exact same thing. They are incapable of self reflection.ReplyDelete
I asked a conservative family member before the 2020 election what was the draw to Trump for him. And it was exactly as you said, Jim. They finally had the opportunity to clap back at all of the injustice and oppression they feel they receive from the libs. The hateful rhetoric thrown at the libs was intoxicating and liberating for them. They were tired of watching the libs change things and they wanted to express their rage.
But they gladly killed their own party members with Covid-19 to own the libs. They gave up any modicum of integrity or legitimacy to own the libs. They gave up any pretense about caring about the constitution and other citizens just to own the libs. And I don’t know about y’all, but they tell me that they want me dead. Joking about what might happen after other people are already dead seems quite mild in comparison.
It won’t let me comment under my Google account for some reason. But I’m excited that my mushroom print has shipped!
Maybe your joke was in poor taste but it was still funny. And I heard they are now calling Trump's golf club Deadminster.ReplyDelete
you are my godReplyDelete
Every MAGA in the country needs to read this. Not that it would help!ReplyDelete
I can’t help but wonder if the title of this piece isn’t a reference to the 2019 Michael deAdder cartoon that went viral and cost him his freelance gig?
OMG, this line made me spit out my tea! "ReplyDelete
Suggesting they turn Melania into omelet topping was wrong.
Given the amount of silicone involved, the responsible woke thing would have been to recommend plastics recycling."
As for the rest of the essay; yes, you're right.
Searching high and low for disrespect to the dead in your original tweet. Unless of course, Ivana truly wanted to be buried on the golf course, your tweet is about the people who do the choosing of the burial place, not the person buried in the place. (Since Marla and Melania aren't dead, you can hardly be making light of their deaths.)ReplyDelete
I have real questions about Ivana's "accidental" fall down the stairs. Trump burying her on his golf course is akin to Franklin Graham burying his mother at his place of business--she wanted to be buried at the family mountain cabin. Thanks again for your writing! I read you every day.ReplyDelete
You must have read the come back I had a few days ago from one of these idjits. Because I used the term "non sequitur" in a reply, he called me a rich, elite Librul.ReplyDelete
Unfortunately, that couldn't be further from the truth. I laughed at him and told him he was barking up the wrong tree. No further comeback was observed!
(I still wish I had your style. You've got perfected!) See you last Sunday on BCubed!
He gave his voters permission to be their worst selves, and that's why they'll never abandon him.ReplyDelete
Sorry, but after the attacks on Hillary while she was first lady and Michelle by the scum on the right, they have no right ever complain. Even the folks who said Barron was off limits were hypocritical after the attacks on Malia and Sasha.ReplyDelete
Say the very same thing about Amy Carter and Chelsea Clinton...both were treated poorly iirc. Not true about the Nixon daughters.Delete
I was wondering why so many comments are coming up as anonymous. When I tried to sign in, the default was "anonymous" and I had to sign in all over again. Wonder if the default changed. I don't comment often, but I always read your articles, and they are always on the mark. Thank you, Jim!ReplyDelete
We all know they can dish it out but can't take it...every slur hurled at "owning the libs" is just projection.ReplyDelete
A thing of beauty, worth every penny of this month's Patreon gift. Thank you.ReplyDelete
I would *love* to check your Twitter feed for the full list of comments, but you blocked me many years ago. I have no idea *why*.ReplyDelete
At any rate, I follow your essays slavishly; your point of view gives me hope for The Resistance. Also, in a way, you kinda remind me, attitudinally speaking, of Robert A. Heinlein.
Every word, 100% true.ReplyDelete
Bragging about sexual assault? Hilarious locker room talk. Getting into a Twitter war with Gold Star families of color? Naw, not racist at all! Slurs against Mexicans? Perfectly fine. Cheating on ALL of his wives, once with Stormy Daniels? Never happened, because 45 is lily-White and perfect in every way.
Hillary was right. Deplorable down to the last supporter.
Thank you for holding up that mirror, Chief. We all need to take a look at ourselves, occasionally. Some of us, more than others.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Jim! My irritation level has found a release valve in your words, once again ❤ReplyDelete
every word perfectly sums up how I feel. Thanks.ReplyDelete
Agreed on this. The only problem I had with the joke was that it really wasn't that funny.ReplyDelete
But, then, there's no pleasing some people.
THANK YOU. Brilliant as usual.ReplyDelete