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Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Non Sequitur

Jack Sparrow: You, sailor.
Mr. Gibbs: Cotton, sir.
Jack Sparrow: Mr. Cotton. Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death?
[Cotton does not respond]
Jack Sparrow: Mr. Cotton! Answer, man.
Mr. Gibbs: He's a mute, sir. Poor devil had his tongue cut out, so he trained the parrot to talk for him. No one's yet figured how.
Jack Sparrow: Mr. Cotton's ... parrot. Same question.
Parrot: Awk! Wind in the sails. Wind in the sails. Awk!
Mr. Gibbs: Mostly, we figure, that means “yes.”
- Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Disney, 2003

 

This morning some are calling it performance art.

Others, drunken rambling and incoherent evidence of insanity.

My personal favorite is “post-apocalyptic slam poetry.”

Awk! Wind in the sails! Wind in the sails! Awk! Awk!

Sarah Palin’s Donald Trump endorsement speech was all those things and more. So very much more. Confused, unfocused, paranoid, war-mongering, grandiose, spiteful, jam-packed with bizarre metaphors and digressions, bombastic, bellicose, pandering, full of folksy phrases and made up words ... and mad as a goddamned hatter.

Sarah Palin’s Donald Trump endorsement speech was in fact a brilliant summation of the modern GOP.

No, really. Try this: instead of Palin’s screeching caterwaul, imagine this same exact speech given by a shitfaced Johnny Depp doing his best Captain Jack Sparrow.

 

clip_image001

You see it now, don’t you?

Sarah Palin is the very epitome of modern conservatism. 

Sarah Palin and Donald Trump, a parody of America.

You think I’m kidding? Let’s take a look at her endorsement speech, word by word, line by line. This was Trump’s “big announcement.” This was what the crowd cheered.

This is the face of modern conservatism, right here.

Thank you so much. It’s so great to be here in Iowa. We’re here just thawing out. Todd and I and a couple of our friends here from Alaska, lending our support for the next president of our great United States of America, Donald J. Trump.

Good so far.  Let’s see how long she can hold it together.

Mr. Trump, you’re right, look back there in the press box. Heads are spinning, media heads are spinning. This is going to be so much fun.

Well, that answers that.

Like any teenaged high school cheerleader, the woman can hold a goddamned grudge, can’t she? For her, it’s all about getting even, getting in a dig and scoring some points. She imagines the “lamestream” media’s chagrin at her presence and for her it’s just delicious. Ha ha, dorks!

Are you ready to make America great again? We all have a part in this. We all have a responsibility. Looking around at all of you, you hard-working Iowa families. You farm families, and teachers, and teamsters, and cops, and cooks. You rockin’ rollers. And holy rollers! All of you who work so hard. You full-time moms. You with the hands that rock the cradle. You all make the world go round, and now our cause is one.

Rockin’ rollas. Holy Rollers. Rockin’ the cradle. What the hell was that? For a minute there I thought she was channeling The Humungus from Mad Max: The Road Warrior, I was hoping she was going to dismount by calling Trump the Ayatollah of Rockenrollah!

Snark aside – if that’s even possible – what the hell did any of that mean? It’s just gibberish and that’s her opening paragraph. That’s the part she practiced. Holy rollers and Ayatollers and can I get a holla back!

When asked why I would jump into a primary — kind of stirring it up a little bit maybe — and choose one over some friends who are running and I’ve endorsed a couple others in their races before they decided to run for president, I was told left and right, “you are going to get so clobbered in the press. You are just going to get beat up, and chewed up, and spit out.” You know, I’m thinking, “and?” You know, like you guys haven’t tried to do that every day since that night in ‘08, when I was on stage nominated for VP, and I got to say, “yeah, I’ll go, send me, you betcha. I’ll serve.” And, like you all, I’m still standing. So those of us who’ve kind of gone through the wringer as Mr. Trump has, makes me respect you even more. That you’re here, and you’re putting your efforts, you’re putting reputations, you’re putting relationships on the line to do the right thing for this country. Because you are ready to make America great again.

Never forgets a grudge. Never. Even the imagined ones.

We’re just three paragraphs in and she’s already a selfless martyr. Beat up, chewed up, spit out, quit my job, made eight million dollars, bought a couple of mansions, fly around in a private jet, no one knows the misery I’ve seen.

Well, I am here because like you I know that it is now or never. I’m in it to win it because we believe in America, and we love our freedom. And if you love your freedom, thank a vet. Thank a vet, and know that the United States military deserves a commander-in-chief that our country passionately, and will never apologize for this country. A new commander-in-chief who will never leave our men behind. A new commander-in-chief, one who will never lie to the families of the fallen. I’m in it, because just last week, we’re watching our sailors suffer and be humiliated on a world stage at the hands of Iranian captors in violation of international law, because a weak-kneed, capitulator-in-chief has decided America will lead from behind. And he, who would negotiate deals, kind of with the skills of a community organizer maybe organizing a neighborhood tea, well, he deciding that, “No, America would apologize as part of the deal,” as the enemy sends a message to the rest of the world that they capture and we kowtow, and we apologize, and then, we bend over and say, “Thank you, enemy.” We are ready for a change. We are ready and our troops deserve the best. A new commander-in-chief whose track record of success has proven he is the master at the art of the deal. He is one who would know to negotiate.

They hate us because they anus!

They hate us, because they anus!

They hate us because they anus! Now or never! In it to win it! Believe in America! Love freedom, thank a vet! Lead from behind. Art of the deal. And suddenly we’re in the middle of a Seth Rogan movie. It’s a stream of consciousness made up of every bumper-sticker she saw on the way to the airport. She’s like the guy who writes a love letter to his girlfriend composed entirely of lines he copped from Hallmark birthday cards.

Only one candidate’s record of success proves he is the master of the art of the deal. He is beholden to no one but we the people, how refreshing. He is perfectly positioned to let you make America great again. Are you ready for that, Iowa?

You got that? Donald Trump is beholden to no one but we the people. Trump, he only answers to the people. The people. How refreshing indeed.

He is from the private sector, not a politician, can I get a “Hallelujah!” Where, in the private sector, you actually have to balance budgets in order to prioritize, to keep the main thing, the main thing, and he knows the main thing: a president is to keep us safe economically and militarily. He knows the main thing, and he knows how to lead the charge. So troops, hang in there, because help’s on the way because he, better than anyone, isn’t he known for being able to command, fire! Are you ready for a commander-in-chief, you ready for a commander-in-chief who will let our warriors do their job and go kick ISIS ass? Ready for someone who will secure our borders, to secure our jobs, and to secure our homes? Ready to make America great again, are you ready to stump for Trump? I’m here to support the next president of the United States, Donald Trump.

He’s not a politician, Hallelujah, crows the career politician.

Balance the budget to prioritize which allows him to keep the main thing the main thing and he knows the main thing which is the main thing and the main thing is he knows how to lead the charge to the main thing so troops, hang in there, because help’s on the way because he, better than anyone, isn’t he known for being able to command, fire!

See? See? It’s drunken Johnny Depp. Dread Cthulhu, it’s almost impossible to parody this gibberish, even for someone as skilled at mockery as me.

Now, eight years ago, I warned that Obama’s promised fundamental transformation of America. That is was going to take more from you, and leave America weaker on the world stage. And that we would soon be unrecognizable. Well, it’s the one promise that Obama kept. But he didn’t do it alone, and this is important to remember, especially those of you, like me, a member of the GOP, this is what we have to remember, in this very contested, competitive, great primary race.

Motherfu... okay, Jim, deep breath. In. Hold. Out. No that’s not helping.

Somebody, anybody, show me how America is weaker than it was eight years ago. Weaker how? Economically? Militarily? Energy? Comic Books? What?

Somebody, anybody, show me how America has been “fundamentally” transformed. Transformed how? Transformed, like a Michael Bey Benghazi movie transformed? Like we’re now a nation of giant space robots that can turn into cars with laser eyes? Because that would be pretty cool. Transformed how? Be specific and show your work.

Somebody, anybody, explain to me that last line: “this is important to remember, especially those of you, like me, a member of the GOP, this is what we have to remember, in this very contested, competitive, great primary race.” What? What’s important? God damn it, I was a cryptologist, a Navy codebreaker, and I can’t make any  sense of that statement. What’s important?

Trump’s candidacy, it has exposed not just that tragic ramifications of that betrayal of the transformation of our country, but too, he has exposed the complicity on both sides of the aisle that has enabled it, okay? Well, Trump, what he’s been able to do, which is really ticking people off, which I’m glad about, he’s going rogue left and right, man, that’s why he’s doing so well. He’s been able to tear the veil off this idea of the system. The way that the system really works, and please hear me on this, I want you guys to understand more and more how the system, the establishment, works, and has gotten us into the troubles that we are in in America. The permanent political class has been doing the bidding of their campaign donor class, and that’s why you see that the borders are kept open. For them, for their cheap labor that they want to come in. That’s why they’ve been bloating budgets. It’s for crony capitalists to be able suck off of them. It’s why we see these lousy trade deals that gut our industry for special interests elsewhere. We need someone new, who has the power, and is in the position to bust up that establishment to make things great again. It’s part of the problem.

The tragic ramifications of that betrayal of the transformation of our country.

The tragic ramifications of the betrayal of the transformation.

The betrayal of the transformation.

Now just wait a goddamned minute here. First she was complaining about a transformation, now she’s complaining a betrayal of the transformation. Wouldn’t a betrayal of the transformation be a good thing in Sarah Palin logic? Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Fuck it, she’s rolling and apparently the irony of bitching about cheap labor while endorsing a guy whose casinos and hotels are staffed with those exact people completely escaped her.

His candidacy, which is a movement, it’s a force, it’s a strategy. It proves, as long as the politicos, they get to keep their titles, and their perks, and their media ratings, they don’t really care who wins elections. Believe me on this. And the proof of this? Look what’s happening today. Our own GOP machine, the establishment, they who would assemble the political landscape, they’re attacking their own frontrunner. Now would the Left ever, would the DNC ever come after their frontrunner and her supporters? No because they don’t eat their own, they don’t self-destruct. But for the GOP establishment to be coming after Donald Trump’s supporters even, with accusations that are so false. They are so busted, the way that this thing works.

So just to be clear “they” don’t care who wins elections that’s why “they” are attacking the front runner.

Because they don’t care.

We, you, a diverse, dynamic, needed support base that they would attack. And now, some of them even whispering, they’re ready to throw in for Hillary over Trump because they can’t afford to see the status quo go, otherwise, they won’t be able to be slurping off the gravy train that’s been feeding them all these years. They don’t want that to end.

Republicans are throwing in for Hillary because they’re slurping conservative gravy.

Probably because they are so “diverse.”

Works for me – though that gravy thing is going to haunt my nightmares for the foreseeable  future.

Well, and then, funny, ha ha, not funny, but now, what they’re doing is wailing, “well, Trump and his, uh, uh, uh, Trumpeters, they’re not conservative enough.” Oh my goodness gracious. What the heck would the establishment know about conservatism? Tell me, is this conservative? GOP majorities handing over a blank check to fund Obamacare and Planned Parenthood and illegal immigration that competes for your jobs, and turning safety nets into hammocks, and all these new Democrat voters that are going to be coming on over border as we keep the borders open, and bequeathing our children millions in new debt, and refusing to fight back for our solvency, and our sovereignty, even though that’s why we elected them and sent them as a majority to DC. No! If they’re not willing to do that, then how are they to tell us that we’re not conservative enough in order to be able to make these changes in America that we know need to be…Now they’re concerned about this ideological purity? Give me a break! Who are they to say that? Oh tell somebody like, Phyllis Schlafly, she is the Republican, conservative movement icon and hero and a Trump supporter. Tell her she’s not conservative. How ‘bout the rest of us? Right wingin’, bitter clingin’, proud clingers of our guns, our god, and our religions, and our Constitution. Tell us that we’re not red enough? Yeah, coming from the establishment. Right.

There it is.

Sacrilege. Heresy. Conservatives aren’t conservative enough for Orthodox Church of Conservatism.

What would Conservatives know about Conservatism?

GOP majorities handing over a blank check…

… a blank check for Obamacare, which is, of course, why Republicans in the House and Senate have attempted to repeal, defund, or destroy the Affordable Care Act more than fifty times and why Republican state governors have fought implementation of the ACA at every turn possible.

… a blank check to fund Planned Parenthood. Sure, this would be why Republicans threatened to again shut down the government over the Federal Budget; this is why conservatives never shut the fuck up about abortion, ever, because they’re handing over a blank check. Right.

… a blank check for illegal immigration that competes for your job. Your job washing dishes in one of Trump’s hotel kitchens, I guess. Your job republicans shipped to China and Bangladesh, maybe, in the quest for profit. Your job without healthcare or dental coverage or enough of a wage to cover the goddamned mortgage. Your job picking the fruit and cabbages for less than minimum wage.

… a blank check to turn safety nets into hammocks. I can’t tell from the context if she’s talking about Food Stamps or Golden Parachutes.

Right wingin’, bitter clingin’, proud clingers of our guns, our god, and our religions, and our Constitution. We’ll have T-shirts with that slogan on sale in the lobby!

And … tell us that we’re not red enough? Remember when conservatives were better dead than Red? Now they just aren’t Red enough. Boy, how times have changed.

Well, he being the only one who’s been willing, he’s got the guts to wear the issues that need to be spoken about and debate on his sleeve, where the rest of some of these establishment candidates, they just wanted to duck and hide. They didn’t want to talk about these issue until he brought ‘em up. In fact, they’ve been wearing a, this, political correctness kind of like a suicide vest. And enough is enough. These issues that Donald Trump talks about had to be debated. And he brought them to the forefront. And that’s why we are where we are today with good discussion. A good, heated, and very competitive primary is where we are. And now though, to be lectured that, “Well, you guys are all sounding kind of angry,” is what we’re hearing from the establishment. Doggone right we’re angry! Justifiably so! Yes! You know, they stomp on our neck, and then they tell us, “Just chill, okay just relax.” Well, look, we are mad, and we’ve been had. They need to get used to it.

We’re mad and we’ve been had while eating our green eggs and ham. Doggone it!

This election is more than just your basic ABCs, anybody but Clinton. It’s more than that this go-around. When we’re talking about a nation without borders. When we’re talking about bankruptcies in our federal government. Debt that our children and our grandchildren, they’ll never be able to pay off. When we’re talking about no more Reaganesque power that comes from strength. Power through strength. Well, then, we’re talking about our very existence, so no, we’re not going to chill. In fact it’s time to drill, baby, drill down, and hold these folks accountable. And we need to stop the self-sabotage and elect new, and independent, a candidate who represents that and represents America first, finally. Pro-Constitution, common-sense solutions that he brings to the table. Yes the status quo has got to go. Otherwise we’re just going to get more of the same, and with their failed agenda, it can’t be salvaged. It must be savaged. And Donald Trump is the right one to do that.

Reaganesque power of strength from power strength drill, baby, drill, because new represents this and that solution to the table status quo has gotta go status quo has gotta go because the failed agenda can’t be salvaged but it must be salvaged and what the fuck?

It’s gibberish.

It is just gibberish.

Are you ready for new? And are you ready for the leader who will let you make America great again? It’s gonna take a whole team. It’s gonna take a whole team. Fighters, all of us, in the private sector. Fighters in the House and the Senate. So, our friends, who are fighters in the House and the Senate today, they need to stay there and help out. They can help our new leader in the positions that they are in. Let me say something really positive about one of those individuals: Rand Paul. I’m going to tell you about that libertarian streak in him that is healthy, because he knows, you only go to war if you’re determined to win the war! And you quit footin’ the bill for these nations who are oil-rich, we’re paying for some of their squirmishes...”

Just. Stop. Right. There. Squirmishes? Footin’ the bill for some squirmishes?

Squirmishes.

Do you know this woman’s parents are teachers? Teachers. Obviously shitty ones, but still.

... that have been going on for centuries. Where they’re fightin’ each other and yellin’ “Allah Akbar” calling Jihad on each other’s heads for ever and ever. Like I’ve said before, let them duke it out and let Allah sort it out. We’ll fight for American interests, and as Donald Trump has said, other nations where we have been footin’ the bill, but we haven’t prioritized our own domestic budgets well enough to be able to afford what we’re doing overseas. Things are gonna change under President Trump. So it can be an unbeatable team with fighters there in the House and the Senate. Yeah, our leader is a little bit different. He’s a multi-billionaire. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But, it’s amazing, he is not elitist at all. Oh, I just hope you guys get to know him more and more as a person, and a family man. What he’s been able to accomplish, with his um, it’s kind of this quiet generosity. Yeah, maybe his largess kind of, I don’t know, some would say gets in the way of that quiet generosity, and, uh, his compassion, but if you know him as a person and you’ll get to know him more and more, you’ll have even more respect. Not just for his record of success, and the good intentions for America, but who he is as a person. He’s not an elitist. And yes, as a multi-billionaire, we still root him on, because he roots us on. And he has, he’s spent his life with the workin’ man. And he tells us Joe six packs, he said, “You know, I’ve worked very, very hard. And I’ve succeeded. Hugely I’ve succeeded,” he says. And he says, “I want you to succeed too.” And that is refreshing, because he, as he builds things, he builds big things, things that touch the sky, big infrastructure that puts other people to work. He has spent his life looking up and respecting the hard-hats and the steel-toed boots and the work ethic that you all have within you. He, being an optimist, passionate about equal-opportunity to work. The self-made success of his, you know that he doesn’t get his power, his high, off of OPM, other people’s money, like a lot of dopes in Washington do. They’re addicted to OPM, where they take other people’s money, and then their high is getting to redistribute it, right? And then they get to be really popular people when they get to give out your hard money. Well, he doesn’t do that. His power, his passion, is the fabric of America. And it’s woven by work ethic and dreams and drive and faith in the Almighty, what a combination.

Trump. He’s a multibillionaire, who grew up rich, went to some fancy prep school, married a string of foreign supermodels, and lives in a multimillion dollar penthouse on top of a Manhattan tower with his name plastered across it in fifty foot high letters, but he’s not an elitist. He’s one of us, the poor downtrodden salt of the earth white people of America being oppressed by Obama. Preach it, Sister! He’s kind and compassionate and quietly generous, I know that’s what I think of when I see Donald Trump, quiet humility. Oh yes. Other people get high by giving you money but not The Old Trumpster, no he keeps his money, because he’s generous, quietly.

Are you ready to share in that again, Iowa? Because that’s what’s going to let you make America great again. He’s going to be able to empower you to look out for one-another again instead of relying on bankrupt government to supposedly be looking out for you. No, and I think you’re ready for that. And Iowa, I believe too that you’re ready to see that our vets are treated better than illegal immigrants are treated in this country. And you’re ready for the tax reform he talks about to open up main street again. And you’re ready to stop the race-baiting and the division based on color and zip code, to unify around the right issues. The issues important to me, or I wouldn’t be endorsing him. Pro-life, pro-Second Amendment, strict constitutionality. Those things that are unifying values and their time-tested truths involved. These are unifying values from big cities to tiny towns, from big mountain states and the Big Apple, to the big, beautiful heartland that’s in between.

Ah, here we go, the things that are important to true conservatives, God, guns, and keeping the wrong element in the right zip code.

Now, finally friends...

Oh, thank God.

... I want you to try to picture this, it’s a nice thing to picture. Exactly one year from tomorrow, former President Barack Obama. He packs up the teleprompters and the selfie-sticks, and the Greek columns, and all that hopey, changey stuff and he heads on back to Chicago, where I’m sure he can find some community there to organize again. There, he can finally look up, President Obama will be able to look up, and there, over his head, he’ll be able to see that shining, towering, Trump tower. Yes, Barack, he built that, and that says a lot. Iowa, you say a lot, being here tonight, supporting the right man who will allow you to make America great again. God bless you! God bless the United States of America and our next president of the United States, Donald J. Trump!”

Well, at least she got that part right.

Go right ahead and elect Donald Trump, on purpose or by ommission, and you’ll spend the rest of your life looking up at that tower, the one with his name on it, to the sound of jackboots and the senseless drunken gibberish on display in this idiot woman’s speech.

Language reflects intellect and reason. Compare this nonsense to the great orators of the Republican Party, men whose masterful use of language echo down through history as part of the very fabric of the United States, Lincoln, Roosevelt, Eisenhower, and, yes, even Reagan. This, this right here, this mishmash of vacuous soundbites, made up words, intellectual vacuum, and saber-rattling fact-free paranoia, this right here is Donald Trump.

I never thought I’d agree with the GOP “establishment,” but they’re absolutely right about Trump.

Poor devil had his tongue cut out, so he trained the parrot to talk for him. No one has figured out how.

And nobody is really sure what the parrot was actually saying.

Because in the end, it was just a goddamned bird brain.

150 comments:

  1. If they ever did a Word Salad edition of Iron Chef, Sarah would be a shoe in. Unless she took her shoe off first. You know. Prior to oral insertion.

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    1. I swear, it's more like an episode of STUPID TREK!

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  2. "Just. Stop. Right. There. Squirmishes? Footin’ the bill for some squimishes?

    Squimishes."

    Missed a few "r"s there. I have to point that out, because if I imagine that voice in my head too much, I find myself running through the woods, screaming, looking for somewhere to hide for awhile.

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    1. I apologize for not catching the misspelling of made up words, my brain kept insisting on substituting "sammiches" for squirmishes. I don't know why.

      Fixed. Thanks // Jim

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  3. Seriously, I'm squirmishing just reading that. Was she always that bugnuts? And, if so, how did she get elected being that bugnuts? It's kind of awesome in it's awfulness but dear lord, it's just bugnuts.

    "of the transformation or our country." should be of
    "You job republicans shipped to China " Your

    and I think I saw something else but my mind is too boggled by the right wingin' bitter clingin'

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    1. You know, I don't know that fixing the typos even matters among this salad of Palinism. But I'll fix it anyway. Thanks // Jim

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    2. And take out the unnecessary apostrophes from my comment, please. :face palm:

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  4. and, again, the summation is delicious. Thanks Jim.

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  5. A ouiji bord may have been used to prepare her speech. I'm sorry you had to try to decode this, but you have more experience and better tools at your disposal to divine the message - although I'm still not clear if she is just supporting him, or giving another try at the VP slot.

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    1. Just read elsewhere that she is in for VP. Mind Boggles at the thought of these two in the White House. Thanks McCain!

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  6. Well said Jim, well said.

    See I have a hypothesis regarding Trump and I think that now that he has sought out Palin's endorsement it only gets stronger:

    Trump will not be president and in fact has no intention of actually being president.

    Why you ask? His goal is, pure and simple to ensure that a Democrat gets elected.

    What's that? You say I'm crazy? Daft in the head?
    Allow me to explain.
    1) First and foremost Trump has been a long time friend of the Clintons.
    2) His attacks on Clinton have been weak at best. (See #1 above)
    3) He knows that he can make more money and acquire more power as a supporter of a Clinton presidency
    4) His statements in public are designed to damage the GOP brand not get him the presidency. They are designed to reveal the most extreme elements of the GOP forcing other candidates to move either further to the right (Cruz) or to the center (The rest of them). This will alienate conservative voters in either direction.
    5) His own family consistently comes to his defense rather than distance themselves. Even ex-wives.

    The result is this:

    1) He wins the nomination and continues on his current path of rhetoric. This alienates the general electorate and splits the GOP vote which ensures a Democrat is elected.

    OR

    2) The GOP leadership can't stand the fact that he might actually win the nomination and forces a brokered convention denying it to him. With this he breaks his pledge not to run as an independent (something he has hinted at doing even after signing the pledge) and again splits the GOP vote which again ensures a Democrat gets elected.

    Either way the GOP brand is damaged and suffers another humiliating defeat at the national level.

    Now you might ask "Why spend the money?" Because it's not about the money. The man has more then he could ever spend in a life time. It's about notoriety and the free publicity he gets. Even having his name removed from resorts, etc. means nothing because it's the notion of "there is no such thing as bad press". People will still stay at his resorts, play his golf courses and buy his products because he is Trump. For him it's still a win/win. He gets to say he helped elect a Democrat and if it's Hillary then even better as he will have even more influence.
    Again it's just a hypothesis...

    Then again I could be wrong.

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    1. Rush Limbaugh was once behind a strategy to have Republicans get involved in the Democratic primaries to try to ensure the weakest candidate won. Trump as a Trojan Horse has occurred to some of us as we've discussed the campaigns so far-after all, most of his money is made by selling the rights to use his name so this would support that greatly by raising public awareness of him.

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    2. I know and it scares me to think that this could be the case. Not saying HRC would do anything nefarious necessarily, but damn he is doing and saying everything necessary to expose the burled center of GOP nuttiness and alienate himself to the general electorate.

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    3. Because Trump is the sort of self-sacrificing fellow who'd throw himself on a losing bid for the White House for his good friends (the Clintons, I guess?).
      Yes. Right. You've figured it out!

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    4. I totally subscribe to this theory. No way do I believe Trump wants to be President. It's not a fun job, by all accounts. He'd actually, like, have to go to briefings and talk to other world leaders about serious stuff, you know, with details and actual facts to be considered.

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    5. I doubt he started off intending to be president, and I still don't think he has a clue what being president is actually LIKE, or he wouldn't want to. But it's just ridiculous to think that he's in this intending to lose. Trump has never been willing to lose anything in his life. He's a complete narcissist, and his ego will not LET him lose. Even when he's an inch behind in the polls, he lashes out at anyone telling him so. He's refused to admit to the financial losses which are on the public record. He's completely incapable of doing something deliberately which would involve having someone else defeat him -- at anything.

      He's trying to win. Stupidly, and for bad reasons, but he's trying to win. He can't do anything else.

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    6. Well, if breaking the GOP brand is his goal, then should Trump be elected [please God NO!!!!] he has the example of the quitter Palin and resigns in 6 months so he can go back to making his money. And now he has Palin's endorsement, it should be that much easier for him to resign. Same way his companies declared bankruptcy. He can say it wasn't his failure, it was the failure of the company/political setup. This might even still fit with his ego.

      But I'm not convinced. It might have started that way 6 or 8 months ago. I'm not convinced he hasn't changed his mind and is seriously doing this to get the White House for himself. And the jackbooted thugs he is collecting at his rallies... What becomes of them if the election is anything like close but he looses in the electoral college?

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  7. I had to stop reading because she was talking in circles and she obviously has no idea how a country conducts business let alone how a country should handle diplomacy.

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    1. I couldn't watch the video of her speech. Her fingernails-on-the-blackboard voice made it impossible to hear what she was saying. After attempting to read the transcript, I realized that it just didn't matter anyway. It's like what you say to your dog versus what it understands.

      Delete
  8. I tuned dear Sarah out after her last rambling plate of word salad. I've been better off for doing that.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This pair scares me and I am not an American the rest of the world will be traumatised if they get in.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Jim, buddy....I know that you do what you do for a Damn Good Reason (and I and a million other folks appreciate it!) ...but seriously...you're wasting your time, and inconveniencing electrons by analyzing (pardon me: *attempting* to analyze) *anything* that came out of Sarah Palin's mouth? I was listening to the radio this morning, and the commentator said: "What does Sarah Palin's endorsement mean?"...and I couldn't help myself; I screamed at the radio: "NOTHING!"
    But if nothing else, you're entertaining as hell....keep up the good work!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Both could have worn "I'm With Stupid" T shirts. It would've been the only thing that made any sense. Grift, meet Grift.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually I would like to have a couple of shirts made up that say "Not Worth Knowing" and send to both of them.

      Delete
  12. This pair scares the daylights out of me.If they win the election kiss good bye any future stability on all fronts .

    ReplyDelete
  13. I don't know if you transcribed this yourself (my sympathies, if you did) or copied it from another site, but:
    "So those of us who’ve kind of gone through the ringer as Mr. Trump has, makes me respect you even more."
    Ought to be "gone through the wringer".
    (And when, exactly, has Trump gone through a wringer? Though that might explain the hair.)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Well, I do wonder how "quietly generous" Trump was with the Klondike Kardashian....I don't think she does any of this for free these days. After all, she's got kids to bail out, grandkids to support and who knows what will be next...

    But she and Trump do deserve each other, don't they?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Trump has stated that he would welcome the Salad Shooter into his administration. Here's a list of Cabinet members, in the order of succession to the Presidency. Which one do you think she'd be best at?

    (hint: the answer is not "all of them, Katie")

    Department of State
    Department of the Treasury
    Department of Defense
    Department of Justice
    Department of the Interior
    Department of Agriculture
    Department of Commerce
    Department of Labor
    Department of Health and Human Services
    Department of Housing and Urban Development
    Department of Transportation
    Department of Energy
    Department of Education
    Department of Veterans Affairs
    Department of Homeland Security
    The following positions have the status of Cabinet-rank:
    White House Chief of Staff
    Environmental Protection Agency
    Office of Management & Budget
    United States Trade Representative
    United States Mission to the United Nations
    Council of Economic Advisers
    Small Business Administration

    Imagine Sarah Fucking Palin in ANY of those jobs and it should wake you up in the middle of the night, eyes wide open, a faint taste of bile, and possibly a whimper.

    We must vote. VOTE. VOTE. VOTE. VOTE. Organize. Knock on doors. Send money. We must do whatever it takes.

    Write to or call network news and ask them why they continue to cover this NONSENSE to the exclusion of actual issues.

    Jesus H Christ, how'd we get HERE?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Listening to Palin was bad enough, but reading it wrenches my gut. This shrill shill needs to go back to Wasilla and take care of her dysfunctional family and shut the hell up!

    ReplyDelete
  17. On the other hand, she was trying not to gag when Trump hugged her and went for the kiss. I'd bet a fair amount that Trump outbid all other candidates for her endorsement.

    I still deeply believe Trump is following up on his assertion some years ago that he could say anything and be elected president.

    ReplyDelete
  18. And then she went home and blamed Obama for the fact that her son beat up his girlfriend, because somehow his PTSD has nothing to do with who sent him to war or the things that happened to him there, but is the fault of the guy who tried to expand programs and benefits for veterans but found all efforts stymied by the republicans in Congress. Not sure, but I think the opioids have finally done permanent damage to the small bit of Sarah's brain that might have (maybe, I don't know...) worked at some point in her life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Track never saw or participated in any "combat." He never did anything but drive officers around, no doubt thanks to McCain.

      Delete
  19. LMAO!! You are soooooo one of my people. You put words to the thoughts that run thru my head, screaming to get out. I truly love reading your stuff. Every time I have to see or hear this idiot woman, I curse McCain for unleashing her on the world. Sadly, try though I have, he is still one of the senators from my state. Thanks for the laughs today. I really needed that. :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. I love your moniker for her: "Caribou Barbie." I swear, if Mattel ever made such a thing it would fly off the shelves into the hands of horny, old, white GOPpers who would eagerly take it home and take off its clothes so they could stare at its absolutely non-threatening lack of genitalia.

    ReplyDelete
  21. right, wingin' bitter clingin' shit slingin'. I read it in my best imitation of a Sarah Palin Screech [marca registrada, pat. pending], and my throat hurts. THANKS OBAMA.

    But in all seriousness. You basically need to have had your entire prefrontal cortex removed, and be functioning with what amounts to a central nervous ganglion, for the idea of Donald J. Trump, narcissist extraordinaire, as president to NOT be completely terrifying. This is a disaster for the GOP of China Syndrome proportions. He has achieved meltdown, and he will go China Syndrome, and there is not a damn thing they can do about it without immediately enraging the right wingin' bitter gun clingin' unwashed hordes to violence. I see no way out for them.

    ReplyDelete
  22. WTF did I just read?

    I know her speeches/writings have been described as word salad before, but THIS is a TOSSED word salad!

    I'm sure others will be coming up with other minor nits (hard to spot them mixed in with that salad), but

    "take a look as her endorsement speech" as s/b at

    Need to gulp some fresh air now, and TRY to forget that mess I just read! Thanks Jim!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And she said it all without spitting out a single martini olive!

      Delete
  23. Too many non-sequiters to consider. However, I do wonder what "wearing ... political correctness kind of like a suicide vest" means. And "gone through the ringer" should be "wringer", like a wringer washer. I'm old. Very old.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I just made the observation elsewhere, that I wonder if this is what the Trump/Palin base hears when they hear other people talk. Does everybody sound like a bunch of random words, with the occasional bit of semi-coherency slipping through the fog? If so, it makes more sense why they might find the snippits they understand appealing. Otherwise, you'd think they would support the person who can make an intelligible sentence, regardless of what was said.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When you are:
      a) whipping up a base consisting of scared people
      b) trying to get elected without making any promises
      and
      c) don't want to be held accountable for anything you have said, will say or want to do once elected

      This is what you do. Throw words out there and let the scared crowds fill in what they WANT to hear. In fact they seem to demand to 'hear' it. It is something politicians do as SOP. Palin has put her own personality into it with her word salad/stream of conscience ability. It is nearly a comic book superpower that she uses for evil. I can't listen to her talk for more than a few minutes. I try to avoid reading it. The total lack of logical processing gets to me when I find no message in the gibberish. But it appears that there are large swaths of human beings who like that stuff. I can't explain that swath, just observe that it exists.

      And Jim Wright, thank you for this post. I do try to avoid Palin as much as possible out of a sense of self-preservation. My current events knowledge suffers when I push away from too much of what certain persons are saying and doing. After all the talking heads on TV yesterday I still felt like I wasn't following it closely enough - possibly because all the talking heads were taking Palin and Trump so damn seriously and merely repeating over and over and over again the same non-messages. With your post, I was able to read through in short snippets - and had to - to get to your comments on the matter. You should give analysis lessons to the talking heads.

      Delete
    2. VR Shriver,

      I totally understand. I tried to read that garbage, but I couldn't. It hurt my brain and ate at my soul. Like others, I wonder who gets anything from her crap. But I don't think that's the point – no one could actually hear that and understand what she is saying. Instead, the Base is supposed to hear the imbedded code words and phrases:

      weak-kneed, capitulator-in-chief
      You full-time moms
      proud clingers of our guns, our god, and our religions, and our Constitution.
      anybody but Clinton

      This all straight from Fox News. It’s not meant to be listened to, digested, and mulled over. It’s meant to stir emotions of anger and hate and injustice.

      Sarah Palin didn’t give a speech! Her mad-libs ramblings weren’t meant to be listened to. Instead, it was nothing more than a coded message that only the Republican base could, or would, understand. They pick out the words and phrases that appeal to them and discard the rest.

      No wonder Jim was able to decipher it. He’s skilled in this exact exercise.

      Peace
      Chris in S. Jersey

      Delete
  25. If anyone is familiar with the works of Douglas Adams, you now understand how Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect felt about being exposed to Vogon Poetry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha ha ha! Perfect!

      (sorry for the anon, but I don't know how to use the other stuff. Ruth)

      Delete
    2. Wow. Yes. Exactly. And we don't even have our towels...

      Delete
    3. "Or else I shall rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
      See if I don't."

      I'd not thought of the comparison before!

      Delete
    4. You win for the Douglas Adams reference. Vogon Poetry, indeed!

      Delete
  26. "Palin" will one day be the name of a psychological malady, an ever worsening political aphasia. Rebooting my brain after reading this will not be easy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hm. A form of aphasia that is connected to insights into something maddening. Those who hear the aphasic speak become obsessed with her, and equally incomprehensible.

      Oracles damn it.

      Delete
    2. In case anyone wants to experience one fragment of the lunacy of Palin's drug and alcohol fueled rant , nay, the very heart of fey madness, you may open this link. Not for the faint of heart

      https://vine.co/v/ieKXnK7KE9J

      Delete
  27. This sounds more and more like a film I once saw where James Cagney was a demagogue persuading people that ridiculous things were normal. I believe it was called A Lion is in the Streets. You really need to stop these people or the rest of the world will have to start ignoring the USA.
    John The Eng

    ReplyDelete
  28. Wow, I can't quite determine if I am more blown away by her word salad or your analysis. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  29. The modern GOP is a fucking dumpster fire. Thanks for transcribing this so we don't have to actually try comprehending it.

    ReplyDelete
  30. It's quite a bit like reading the writings of Mao Zedong.
    I suspect that the supporters of people like these two (Trump and Palin) are disciples of a philosophy that would condemn ignorance as a half-measure, and consider contradiction on a level with axiom.
    Policy be damned, there's a greater evil at play here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And "War is Peace", "Freedom is Slavery" and "2+2 = 5".
      Orwell depicted this kind of BS long ago. Reading 1984 as a teen-ager, I couldn't believe that such a thing could ever come to pass. And now it is here.

      Delete
    2. Ideas like that don't spontaneously generate. Anti-intellect sentiment among populists festers through decades of imagined "oppression" until it begins to gurgle up through the cracks. Trump and Palin supporters are just the latest generation who find thinking to be great a burden to be expected to bear - but they'll be damned if they're going to let some elitist beltway-insider tell them what federal policy ought to be.
      Orwell was merely channeling a very particular, anti-rational zeitgeist when he wrote 1984. The same sort of apparent absurdities abound in literature of the 20th.

      Delete
  31. I ultimately had to skip over Bible Spice's ramblings out of sheer self-preservation: my brain was threatening to exit my body and repeatedly punch me in the nuts until I collapsed in a sobbing, incoherent heap of tears and flop sweat.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I like the idea of reading it in the voice of a drunken Jack Sparrow. There are other choices; here's one of a previous Palin speech:

    ReplyDelete
  33. Oh please, oh please let Tina Fey do a guest appearance on SNL to parody this speech!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Colbert did a great one last night.

      Delete
  34. After reading Governor Palin's electrifying speech, I cannot imagine her endorsing anyone else. They are two peas in a pod, Donald and Sarah. I would imagine only Trump, the great one himself, could understand what she was saying. I know I couldn't.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Her entire speech was strongly reminiscent of the output of that lovely old program, Racter. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racter .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I remember Racter, and yes, Palin sounds strangely like that computer program, but with more emphasis and intonation. Racter helped clarify the concept of GIGO for me - Garbage in, Garbage Out.

      Delete
  36. I may have to call my government in Ottawa and ask them to ban the whole Palin gang from ever flying through our almost pristine Canadian airspace.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Periodically, one of my students would turn in a paper like Ms Palin's speech. I'd put an F on it with a single comment: "You use words as though they have no meaning." For a high school student, that was usually enough to get them back on the path to understanding that the idea is to actually communicate with another human being. I am embarrassed that a person with this little command of English has managed to become someone whose "opinion"--and I use the term loosely--counts for something--let alone been elected to a high state office and nominated by a major political party to stand a heartbeat from the presidency.

    Madness--pure, unadulterated madness.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I tend to not watch and/or read anything that Caribou Barbie says, because my parrot (rest his soul) made more sense. Thanks for the commentary, and in a few places, making me snort coffee out of my nose. Do people actually believe any of this?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can't wait for SNL to spoof this? Tina Fey is heading to the studio now! "Sarah Palin logic" is an oxymoron right?

      Great job sir.

      Delete
    2. I don't think it would be possible to spoof it.. it's beyond parody, beyond satire

      Delete
  39. All I can say is she must have been drunk......

    ReplyDelete
  40. Jim, I am sure that you made some excellent arguments but reading her speech lowered my IQ to such a degree that I am no longer able to understand intelligent discourse. In all seriousness, is this woman in some way mental ill or developmentally challenged because that was white noise made into words.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Omission, not ommission. Though it would be an ominous omission.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I am actually impressed that she could make a speech of that length that is also utterly devoid of content. It is a talent of sorts.
    I had seen this speech earlier in the day, but I could only get about halfway through it before the brainhurt became too much to bear. Interspersing your commentary made it much more doable. Damn you.
    Now I'm feeling all squirmished.

    Bruce

    ReplyDelete
  43. Oh my god! This is not the first time she has used that made-up word! 2011?!

    http://wonkette.com/441676/sarah-palin-is-libya-a-war-or-is-it-a-squirmish

    ReplyDelete
  44. Also, thanks for giving me a transcript I could stand to read. I tried reading it straight through, like a kind of horrific anti-James-Joyce kind of experience, but my blood pressure medicine was running low, so I had to stop. And as an American, I feel that it's my duty at least to *try* to read these pivotal speeches in our history.

    Sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Holy shit, Jim. Are you okay? That had to hurt. I haven't read one word or listened to any recordings of the Wild Alaskan Dingbat for almost five years. Just can't do it.

    I have only imagined what you might have to say. Thanks! You never disappoint.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wild Alaskan Dingbat??? Must be some new form of wildlife native to Alaska? Is it vicious or carnivorous? I heard it was related to the Alaskan Mama Grizzly.

      Delete
  46. Ouch, I hurt myself laughing when I heard Caribou Barbie threw in with Trump. Your writing, as usual helps to ground me. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Jim, I find your writing to be top drawer and your observations inhabiting the same rarefied atmosphere as Mark Twain and I mean that as a compliment unless of course you know anybody else with the same wry look around the room as you and Twain. Man, you must have been a hoot in uniform. I look forward to your new installments Chief.

    Marcus Riker OS2 72-76 USS Ranger CV61

    ReplyDelete
  48. Trump is, always has been and always will be nothing more then a carnival side show act. Now, throw in Palin as the dog and pony show, ( I cringe at the idea of her being part of his 'Best and Brightest' he keeps touting.) I can (almost) hardly wait to see who he trots out next to be the juggling act for the third ring.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Jim, Jim Jim - I hope that you had a very strong series of drinks as a reward afterwards.

    ReplyDelete
  50. "turning safety nets into hammocks" is actually not a bad turn of a phrase for what she's trying to denigrate there. Wonder who she stole that from?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Paul Ryan, I think. Or maybe it was a Luntz-approved catchphrase that comes out of the anuses of Republican "think" tanks.

      Delete
  51. Actually, I knew you couldn't resist that shipwreck of a speech so I was anxiously awaiting your response.

    I wasn't disappointed.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Yes, she was always that bugnuts. Always. She can, after all, see Russia from her house.

    ReplyDelete
  53. I would rather listen to hours of uninterrupted nails on a chalkboard than listen to Sarah Palin utter anything. I read your fantastic article, then unwisely decided to try and stomach the video. I got as far as "This is going to be so much fun" before I had to turn it off. That was a half hour ago and my ears are still itchy. Thank you for your efforts to transcribe her ... whatever the hell that was ... and especially for making it - and most of politics today - not only tolerable, but entertaining.

    ReplyDelete
  54. In this age where specialization is normal, we tend to categorize things and put nice labels on them to keep them in their place. Even psychology and medicine does this by naming various conditions and syndromes. Recently, I read that a Harvard psychologist was archiving videos clips of Trump because he exemplifies the narcissist. In Sarah Pain's case, her verbiage is classic Bat Shit Insanity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The technical term for her condition, i hear, is "guanopsychosis."

      A million thanks to the minion who introduced me to that term! :-D

      Delete
  55. These two...

    Is there a more perfect match? These two hyperbolic, bloviating sacs of hot air representing the mentally deficient and emotionally bereft, are in perfect unison. This, I believe, signals the death knell of the Republican Party.

    ReplyDelete
  56. There's no doubt about it--Palin's speech is a lousy speech, for many reasons. Jim mocks it for good reason. I don't have any beef with his observations about it.

    But...

    ...it seems to me there's a big problem in one of the commentator themes in here--namely, that Palin is stupid. She's not. Socially, politically, and economically she is quite successful. She is "smart" in many ways. She is aggressive and assertive, to a fault, but it works for her. Likewise, she is confident--to a fault. She is impulsive, which is sometimes a benefit and sometimes a curse. She understands the value of her appearance and how to use it. Like many of us, she talks in sentences that break our grammar rules left and right, but she can still work her crowds nonetheless because of her enthusiasm, her emotion, her assertiveness.

    Furthermore, she doesn't sound like an intellectual who is divorced from reality (as some of us really can be); she's the everyperson you could meet anywhere--maybe at a bar after several drinks, but still. She understands what it takes to be a demagogue, even if she might not understand that term, the history of it, or why Plato wrote so many dialogues in which Socrates gets to lampoon all the people who say a lot but say nothing real.

    But here's the rub: if you trivialize her (or Trump), you yourself practice the art of demonizing. If you ignore her thinking she's crazy, you will miss the elements of her message that resonate to significant audiences. If you do these things and more, then you set yourself up to lose to her. Her methods, her words, her approach--it works. Not always well, not always effectively, not for everybody, and certainly not without plenty of openings for attack. Many of us might think it's not even fair her methods can work. Still--they can work. Nobody should forget that.

    If you do forget that, if you begin to feel yourself genuinely superior to your foe in some personal way, you are opening yourself up to lose. While fictional, Magua from _Last of the Mohicans_ says, "Magua say... he understand the English very well" shortly before a very effective ambush of British forces. Don't let Palin (or Trump, or Carson, or so on) turn into Magua because you don't understand her, or are too busy feeling superior to her and her people.

    So, yes, as Jim illustrates, she's incoherent in this speech. She is a cheerleader or that "crazed" fan, the one who goes topless to a football game in 4 degree weather because she's just that enthusiastic. In terms of IQ and knowledge, she's probably just an average American. She gushes about things many of us don't value, or view as outright wrong for whatever reason. She butchers her native language. She has what seems to be a tenuous grasp of facts, history, and so on. As Jim highlights, her speech seems devoid of real content.

    It is absolutely right to belittle this speech on those grounds.

    As much as I wish it were not so, thoughtful political dialogue took a major hit with the election of Andrew Jackson, and the USA has never really recovered. Still, we CAN and SHOULD expect more from people like Palin because of her status and leadership roles. We are right to attack the things anyone in her position says. We must, in a democratic system, if we have any hope of the system working. Jim's right to worry that there are people out there who respond to her and her basic ideas. But we should always attack the message, the information, the opinions, and so on. Attacking the person can work to "win" an argument, but the ad hominem thing IS a logical fallacy for a reason. If you quiver and shake at the notion of Trump or Palin in office, watch _Iron Sky_. In seriousness, if you quake at that thought, then do not attack them, but attack their message. If you attack them...well, you've just become them. And I quake at THAT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am afraid you have a great point, Ryan. She is cannily playing into the wide deep and ugly anti-intellectual streak that winds through the American character.

      Delete
    2. Some good points, Ryan. And her speech, well her base don't expect to understand complex ideas, they are convinced she's a genius because she was elected governor and chosen to be a VP candidate, so they just listen for the dog-whistles in her speeches, not for logical content, and they got the "messages". You just have to go through the transcript of her speech and highlight certain recognizable memes, and you will see why she is so successful. Try doing that with a Trump "speech", no content, just dog-whistles.
      (not really Anonymous) Erica

      Delete
  57. I don't think he'll get the GOP nomination (Rubio's the most likely culprit -- er, candidate, tho Kasich has an outside dark horse shot if he keeps his head down).

    I think he'll run a half-assed 3rd party bid ala George Wallace i/o to claim he cost the GOP the WH.

    Which, of course, would make him a "winner"

    ReplyDelete
  58. I guess if by some miracle Trump gets elected he can name her Minister of Silly Talks.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Good lord Jim, I couldn't listen to it, but did read the transcript via your post, for which I am grateful, as well as your commentary. Spot on as usual. I'm trying really hard not to click past the headlines of anything Trump/Palin. And no, my racist brother and his ilk are not going to elect the next POTUS.

    Another non-sequitur, I don't know about anyone else, but I and my liberal friends aren't debating Clinton/Sanders, we'll fall in line with whomever is the nominee.

    ReplyDelete
  60. My theory is, her fans love her because she is like the Bible - so vague, the words can be interpreted in any way the audience sees fit. She's spouting gibberish but, her fans are hearing whatever they want to hear.

    Well, that plus the fact she is suffering from fluent aphasia. Seriously. She is.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Brilliant! I loved today's blog.
    But then, she makes it so easy for you, doesn't she Jim?
    Every time she speaks, I'm reminded of the internet image from a few years ago: Sarah Palin's face next to the words "Half Baked Alaska".

    ReplyDelete
  62. You know... if you smoke enough weed, tilt your head and squint bit, it might start making sense. Or I could just end up on the floor conversing with the dust bunnies under the sofa. They make a lot more sense than she ever did.

    ReplyDelete
  63. More than the word salad, the fact that she and her word salad have enthusiastic, fervent supporters is the thing that makes me weep.

    I'm an entertainer. I don't understand why some acts that leave me cold have had huge, cheering audiences, not for years but for decades. But I ignore that fact at my peril. If Palin didn't have an eager audience, she might change her message, or go away. Her audience hasn't gone away. They won't. If people want to keep her and Trump out of the White House, we have to at least stop mocking them long enough to vote.

    ReplyDelete
  64. You, Sir, have a strong stomach and I salute you for getting through that godawful word salad. Holy cow! I can't listen to her for more than a minute without blood streaming out of my ears. Thanks for the wry and witty commentary throughout your dissection of that crazed mess. I needed a laugh and I got to have several good belly laughs.
    I am sharing the hell out of this with my relatives because they'll appreciate it too.
    M from MD

    ReplyDelete
  65. It's like watching an episode of Drunk History...but scarier.

    ReplyDelete
  66. I'm SO glad she included a major problem in our society; I'm so tired of all the tensions between ZIP codes. It's something we never talk about, hoping it will go away. We need to have a national dialogue about the clashes between ZIP codes and I think Sarah is just the one to lead the discussion. Lead it right over a cliff, if we're lucky. Seriously, the people who support her must be hearing, what, every third word that spouts out of her cake hole? I'm glad I could read this b/c I certainly wouldn't be able to listen to this melange of buzzwords and bullshit. She's the ultimate joke. She may not be stupid but she's only smart when it comes to her image and pandering to the lowest common denominator. She's Karibou Kardashian. (Thanks to the above for Bible Spice-also a winner.)

    ReplyDelete
  67. Anyone else start hearing the kids from Beyond Thunderdome talking about Tomorrow-Morrow Land while reading this? Hints of the great orator Master Blaster came through, as well: "Who run Bartertown?" By the way, his largess gets in the way of his generosity? This woman really needs a dictionary, and a teleprompter. Stat!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For a second there I read that one as "his large arse gets in the way of his generosity" which almost makes sense!

      Delete
  68. I took some delight in this spectacle. If you block Palin out and focus on Trump, there stood a man in excruciating agony, and it was delicious.

    I don't think Trump, with his over-blown sense of self worth and ego, has ever had to control himself in this manner. He's never worried about who or how he offends, the obvious importance of his opinion outweighs any responsibility to be considerate or tactful. And there he was, witnessing the train wreck that is Palin in full battle-mode making zero sense and appearing for all the world to be a gibbering moron, and he had to stay quiet, smile and be appreciative. It must have been killing him inside!

    There are probably three things that grated on him the most, firstly she's a woman, secondly she's as thick as two short planks, and thirdly he needs her endorsement.

    I can only imagine he left that stage as soon as he could, jumped into his limo and went straight home to his ivory tower so he could throw a tantrum in private.

    His discomfort was clear, and I loved every moment of it.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Well, and then, funny, ha ha, not funny, but now, what they’re doing is wailing, “well, Trump and his, uh, uh, uh, Trumpeters, they’re not conservative enough.” Oh my goodness gracious. What the heck would the establishment know about conservatism?

    followed by

    Yes the status quo has got to go.

    Yeah, I got nothing to add to that.

    ReplyDelete
  70. A friend on FB shared the link to this Stonekettle entry, and in the "suggested articles" that FB put beneath that link, they included the Wikipedia entry on "clanging":
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clanging
    (see also: thought disorder. Word salad.)
    I found that pretty amusing. Apparently, FB algorithms agree with you.

    ReplyDelete
  71. My husband and I were watching it live and he finally just turned the channel in silence and I quietly said, "Thank you". Neither of us could comprehend what she was saying and it looked as though Trump didn't understand either. I wonder what he promised her in his fantasy administration, but these two are birds of a feather for sure. Parrot feather?

    ReplyDelete
  72. Listening to the woman is hard enough, but trying to read Sarah Palin causes me physical pain. Calling it "word salad" is an insult to both words, and salad.

    I did a few rotations through mental hospitals both in Paramedic school and Nursing school. Listening to that woman reminds me of several conversations I had there. I sincerely question her sanity.

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  73. I watched that (endorsement?)live and saw clips of it over and over ever since and thought that maybe my hearing was getting worse. Then I read this and canceled the appointment to have my hearing tested.
    All I can say is, I can't believe you tricked me into reading the whole damn thing. Twice...

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  74. "My brain hurts!" No, seriously, my brain started to hurt reading the transcript of her blather. Your analysis was spot on as always, Jim. But, a "trigger warning" would have been appreciated for quoting material that has the potential to make us all dumber. ;-)

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  75. Sitting way up north in another country, trying to get a perspective of what's happening in the US I start to wonder if it wouldn't be best that the GOP and any of their candidates win an outright majority in every state and nationally, even the presidency. 6 months into that regime the American people might start seeing what they actually created and then revolt and try to go back to a democratic order again. Let's see, just for fun. But I might think to highly of the people?

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  76. We gotta stop using the label "conservative" for these wingnuts. They are radicals, reactionaries, right wingers, populists, but they don't have a conservative bone in their bodies.

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  77. Clanging By Renée Grinnell
    ~ Less than a minute read
    Also known as “clang association”, clanging is a manner of speaking in which words are chosen for their related sounds rather than logical meanings. Many patients with psychotic mental illnesses such as schizophrenia present these symptoms.

    Example: “He went in entry in trying tieing sighing dying ding-dong dangles dashing dancing ding-a-ling!”

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  78. Brilliant article. Thank you for your attempt to wade through Palin's gibberish. Might I suggest, however, that you mean "movie" when you say "Michael Bey Benghazi move"?

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  79. thank you for parsing the (I call it) "word sausage" that came out of her mouth. You are braver than I will ever be.
    I have decided to call all of this "Palinanity". Wnen the stupid is so strong, it hurts. And while she's spewing her meaty frothings, her son has already been arrested for beating his girlfriend while attempting a suicide scare. And Palinanity proves that it's Mr. Obama's fault. wow.

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  80. Brilliant! Favorite line: "... it’s almost impossible to parody this gibberish, even for someone as skilled at mockery as me." You made my day.

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  81. All they heard was "We're mad...". Everything else was noise. We hear over and over that the electorate is mad. This is what you get when the voters are mad. Mad about what? Lots of stuff? Loss of economic mobility, loss of status in the world, fear, uncertainty, all of that. And Republicans are furious at Obama. This is the result.

    I commented here a year ago that Obama's executive actions were dangerous. First, they would piss off and invigorate Republican voters who claim to care more about constitutional process. Second, it would set a precedent for the next Republican to ignore the separation of powers and run roughshod over liberal concerns.

    The geopolitical climate, the electorate's foul mood, and Hillary's baggage makes Trump the odds on favorite to be our next president. He doesn't give a rat's ass about the Constitution or separation of powers. He's been clear how he is going to govern:
    - He's been in politics all his life, buying and selling politicians. He will expect to be bought. Government to the highest bidder.
    - People like that he is so honest about his past lying. He claimed that Hillary was a great lady. Hey, he was a business man. Lying was just good business. OK. Lying is good politics when you are running for office. He will be honest about all his campaign promises having been lies.
    - He says that congress is all hot air and doesn’t actually do anything. Both Democrats and Republicans in congress will despise him, but he couldn't care less. He will replace every one of Obama’s executive orders with 10 of his own. Might as well disband congress and admit we live in an empire now.

    Both Democrat and Republican lawmakers should have stood up to Bush’s and Obama’s infringement on legislative prerogative. By not doing so, they made themselves increasingly irrelevant. Trump will be the last nail in our republic’s coffin.

    “So this is how liberty dies... with thunderous applause." - Padme Amidala in Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith

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    1. Anon, the executive actions taken by President Obama are both legal and benign. He's not creating new laws; he doesn't have that ability. What he's doing is directing gov't workers to fully address the laws we have.

      "The FBI is overhauling the background check system to make it more effective and efficient. . . ATF has established an Internet Investigation Center to track illegal online firearms trafficking . . . [and] dealers who ship firearms [must] notify law enforcement if their guns are lost or stolen in transit."

      Obama has issued "far fewer executive orders than most of his predecessors." As of 01-2016, he's issued 193 of them - "the fewest of any two-term president since Theodore Roosevelt." Fewer than W, I might add.

      Anon, it's not the executive actions that's infuriating the GOP - it's that it's OBAMA doing them! They absolutely hate it that he's president, and anything he does (including breathing) enrages them.

      You want to talk about infringement on legislative prerogative? Learn what 'executive actions' are first, okay?
      http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2014/11/20/365467914/so-just-what-is-an-executive-action-anyway
      https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2016/01/04/fact-sheet-new-executive-actions-reduce-gun-violence-and-make-our

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  82. Not to plug your "competition," but I gotta love the way the Rude Pundit put it: "When she gave her endorsement to Trump in Iowa, Palin went on, at length, about...well, really, it was kind of hard to tell since her "speech" would more accurately be described as an oxy-fueled, deranged, incomprehensible stream of consciousness that would make James Joyce say, "What the fuck are you talking about?" before drinking himself to a thankful death."

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  83. Jim, wonderful as usual, but let me correct three errors.

    Error #1: Trump did not go to a "fancy prep school." He went to a third rate military school called New York Military Academy. Yes, it was expensive, not least of all because parents were required to buy two very expensive sets of uniforms each year for their fast-growing offspring, and those came close to the price of tuition. But the school was still third-rate. For the most part, it was the kind of place where rich parents sent their "problem" kids to keep them out of reform school. Sometimes the ersatz military discipline chased the devil out of the kids, but more often the school spewed out armies of little Donald Trumps at graduation. Seventeen year old upperclassmen bullying ten-year- olds was far from unheard of. I know. My kid brother was one of the ten-year-olds.

    Error #2: You should have pointed out that "Other Peoples' Money" is Trump's specialty. He rarely, if ever, risks his own. That's why various Trump enterprises have gone as bankrupt as New York Military Academy. Heads, Trump wins. Tails, the investors lose.

    Error #3: I really wish you'd stop calling attention to the idiocy of Trump and his followers. If the Republicans hear you, they might purge some of the idiocy and stand a better chance of winning in November. To quote Napoleon Bonaparte: "Never interrupt the enemy when he is making a grave mistake."

    Yours very crankily,
    The New York Crank

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  84. Can you imagine either of these two with the launch codes?

    Iceland is looking very attractive at the moment.

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  85. It is not Palin nor Trump who are scary, it is the huge crowds of people cheering them on which make the United States a laughingstock of the rest of the world. After all the "electorate" put Dubya in the White House for TWO TERMS! Just before 9/11 I left the USA and moved to a country where, in comparison, sanity prevails--Turkey! (:-0)

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  86. "I think we've all arrived at a very special place. Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically."

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  87. Well, Trump's 4th grader vocabulary is certainly stellar compared to this verbal vomit from Palin. I sure hope you have good mental health insurance, Jim. You're going to need a professional therapist to unwind this babble from your brain.

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  88. Let me play paranoid conspiracy theorist for a moment (I don’t think I am), but consider this. Palin is the death knell for potential presidential candidates. That’s no news! Just ask the Navy guy who may have had two terms as prez had his “advisors” not gone against his wishes and cynically recommended a governor from a republican strong hold, a women the GOP could tolerate, as his running mate. The rest is history. I’ll posit that Trump, and I loathe giving him more air, will NOT be the GOP candidate when all is said and done. The Koch cartel had supported Trump early on, but he has become their “useful idiot”, pulling all other candidates to the right. However, their preferred candidate, be it Bush, Rubio, Kasich or Cruz (Carson, Fiorina et al, are dead in the water) will look “sane” by comparison. I’m with the folks who think that Trump doesn’t even want to be prez. He’s enhancing his “day in the sun” for personal, and cynically, profitable gain. After all, he’s a narcissistic, megalomaniac, and probably a sociopath. Again, “useful idiot”. There are somewhere in the area of 50 to 60 right wing “think tanks” http://www.pfaw.org/right-wing-organizations. What do you think they’re thinking about? They are well funded (Kochs and others) and have a cohesive agenda for this country (and the world, for that matter). They are truly a modern leviathan. In my 68 years observing politics, and thinking about it endlessly, I have to thank Jim Wright, and others, for pointing out what should be obvious to all citizens, yet is apparently not. Trump and Palin are representative of a move toward a fascistic, totalitarian, and weirdly, theocratic regime. We are truly one election away from that happening in our lifetime. I dearly hope I’m wrong. Paraphrasing a revered founding philosopher, Franklin, “we are a republic, if you can keep it”. Are we, in 2016?
    Thanks for the opportunity to vent, as another Viet Nam veteran (67-73) who is sick of being used as a pawn in a rigged game.

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  89. Will Admiral Akbar be leading the squirmish?

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  90. Thank you for your excellent primer: Genuine Frontier Gibberish to English.
    I think I'm ready to rewatch Blazing Saddles again.
    "The sheriff is near!"

    Redwood Rhino

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    1. Please, never confuse the way Palin speaks as being close to acceptable in Alaska or Frontier anything. She has been virtually shunned by Alaskans since her transformation from (reported) moderate republican to frothing spokesperson for the lowest common denominator.

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  91. Snowbillie Snookie used to do word salad.
    Now she's down to word cole slaw.
    Somewhere, the shade of James Joyce weeps.
    ",,,I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.”

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  92. Republicans slurping ass gravy. Yeah... that picture ain't goin away any time soon.

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  93. [do a search for 'ringer' -- should be "been through the wringer. Unless, of course, the Sarah Palin parts are direct quotes from her own notes; then you could just insert [sic] to acknowledge that we know our vocabulary words even if she doesn't...]

    Lovely bit, Jim. Sigh....

    --Mrs. Dr. Phil

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  94. It's not just me then?

    I watched Palin's "speech" on the BBC evening news last night and, being t'other side of the pond couldn't make head or tail of it.

    Never was the old adage "Two Nations divided by a common language" so apposite!

    Thanks for breaking it down Jim.

    It's still the babbling of an utter moron though.

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  95. OK. I'm willing to admit defeat and accept that the advancement of human enlightenment has been blunted by the ascendency of Palin, Trump, the Bundy Butt Boys, etc that are leaching into our gene pool. But, GODAMMIT!!!! This shit is broadcast off-planet too! That means that a few light years away some ET anthropologist is gonna have to explain to his leaders just what the fuck is going on with the Earth as represented by the spewings of 'Salad-Shooter' Sarah, Orange Trump, the walking lizard Cruz, and the rest of their tribe. I mean, this shit could get us all killed by inter-molecular gravity disrupter.....or throwing a big rock, or something.

    What if the Thermians viewed these "historical documents" and mistakenly determined that Snowbilly was our leader? From a non-human aspect and viewed in isolation, Palin's vomited streams of unconsciousness might appear to be the inspired wisdom of a revered oracle. So, if some aliens arrive and announce "Saraaahh Paaallin....Youuuu..arre...ourrr onnly HOPE!" and take her and her crew away, that would be a good thing. Right? Until they realize the joke's on them and we start eating red particle cannons and blue particle cannons.

    This moran is gonna get us all killed. Which might actually be preferable to hearing more of what she has to emit.

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  96. thank you! Delightful in the face of delusion.

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  97. Hey Jim, think of it this way. Look at all the money we will be saving on monuments to another Republican, if we elect Trump. He already has is name on more than enough monuments/tributes to his ego, we won't need to build any more.

    Yeah it doesn't work for me either. thank you sir for another excellent piece of biting ridicule that definitely hits the 10 ring, repeatedly. It made my day.


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  98. Parrots aren't a good example. Some parrots can use language with understanding.

    Certainly a Congo African Grey is smarter than Palin.

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  99. No, seriously, I think we're looking at this all wrong. We are looking for a traditional "speech", with ideas expressed in sentences and paragraphs, with a beginning, exposition, and conclusion. And her speech, well her base don't expect to understand complex ideas, they are convinced she's a genius because she was elected governor and chosen to be a VP candidate, so they just listen for the dog-whistles in her speeches, not for logical content, and they got the "messages". You just have to go through the transcript of her speech and highlight certain recognizable memes, and you will see why she is so successful. Try doing that with a Trump "speech" too, no content, just dog-whistles, and perfectly understandable to the base.
    (not really Anonymous) Erica

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  100. Hi Jim -
    While this is the first of your work I have read, please accept my compliments! Until now I have never read a Palin speech - or listened to one - in its entirety due to the extreme pain and frustration that accompanies such activities. However, your breakdown of the speech was entertaining as it allowed this linguistics oriented lifetime Alaskan the chance to "see" Palin through a shared lens. (For some reason the most visible critics of her appear to be women so it is nice to see a male dissect the speech.)

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  101. Couldn't do it... Just couldn't read the whole thing. This disjointed rhetoric defies logic and appeals to the ignorant. I guess I'm not ignorant...

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  102. The world is my oyster soup kitchen floor wax museum!
    Adrian Belew could set this shit to music. Come to think of it, maybe he already has...

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  103. I know my comment is a little late and this is old news. I actually read this article the day it was published and as always I very much enjoyed Jim’s writing and point of view, but at the time I had no comments worthy of adding to what was already said… Until last night a thought started forming in my head while watching the results and the speeches that transpired after the Iowa Caucus. And the thought is this, why is it every single time I watch a member of the GOP speak I feel like something has been stripped from me. Listening to these people talk and often outright lie makes me feel violated.

    In the case Palin’s speech above it made me feel just a bit sick and a bit less intelligent after hearing it and I believe I lost a few more IQ points after actually reading it here. It hurt!

    And when Trump starts speaking I can’t even articulate the ways in which I feel violated,

    But what made me remember this article, was listening to Ted Cruz's speech last night after the caucus and a few others he gave in town hall’s shortly before. Again just like I felt violated after listening to Palin a few weeks ago, I felt violated again… I felt as if he actually might have violated my rights as an American Citizen. I understand the GOP has freedom of speech like the rest of us and the freedom to practice whatever religion they choose. And some can say I do not have to listen if I don’t like what they are saying, but is it not my duty as a citizen to be informed about the goings on of our political process and what a candidate for president has planned for this country. It’s not like turning off the radio when you don’t like the show. I understand Palin, who does not have the ability to form a coherent sentence might not even realize in her ramblings that she has stumbled upon something that might be offensive to a portion of the country. But they are all guilty at one time or another of not only misinforming the uneducated people who follow them but they are also misrepresenting the constitution they say they so cherish! Last night both Cruz and Rubio using different words made reference to the fact that our rights come from god, not the government! Our rights come from the constitution and the bill of rights! Cruz is preaching rather than speeching, quoting the bible and telling us that his plan is to do exactly what our founding fathers fled from, “return” this country to a country ran by a chosen religion. I’m not a lawyer or constitutional expert, but shouldn’t the same laws that say our children cannot be subjected to prayer and religion in school, also protect me from having those same rights violated by Palin, Cruz, Rubio and the rest of them while performing my civic duty of being informed, choosing a candidate and understanding the platform of someone who might possibly be our next president.

    Whatever happened to the separation of church and state!

    Sorry for my rant… I had to vent this some place!

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  104. Quick quibble- "Transformed, like a Michael Bey Benghazi..." I think his last name is Bay. =)

    On a less know-it-all note, comedian Kathleen Madigan joked about how she wished Paula Abdul had stayed on American Idol, because the sheer amount of drinking she was doing made her the most entertaining part of the show. Maybe Sarah Palin should be added to the judges panel?

    "Well golly gee, that song was just freedom and the magnificence of a bald eagle wrapped up in a star-spangled package!"
    (I think I'm still too coherent/sober to do a good Sarah impression.)

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  105. Coherent/Sober or not, that was pretty spot on.

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  106. I'm afraid this is the one essay you've written that I refuse to read completely. Nothing can induce me to listen to or read the inane drivel that comes out of Sarah Palin's mouth.

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  107. Much of this post is being used by https://www.facebook.com/jerry.christofferson without credit. I commented on it that it is from you but you might want to check it out and unleash whatever it is you unleash on plagarists.

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