Steve Buccheit posted this meme on Story Bones, which he swiped from his pal Camille Alexa.
I thought you all might get a kick out of it, so I stole it.
In thirty-five questions, tell me about yourself. I'll go first:
1) Ever been in a relationship lasting over 5 years?
Yep - my wife and I have been married for 16 years, and we lived together for 6 months before that.
Other than that? No. In fact, up until I met my wife I was the poster-child for bad relationships, seriously. In order, I was involved with: an closet alcoholic (of the abusive kind), a cheating whore (really, later I found out she charged for it and eventually got pregnant, yet still claimed that she was a virgin), a raving hypochondriac (you have no idea), and a compulsive lier (of the major psychotic break kind) and yes, these were all different women. When I met my wife, I had sworn off relationships, forever. A friend kept trying to set me up with someone she knew. A blind date? Yeah, with my track record? But she kept at me and in order to get her to shut the hell up about it, I agreed, and that's how I met my wife.
2) What was one of your dreams growing up?
To live in Alaska. No, really.
3) What talent do you wish you had?
Musical ability. I am so lacking in musical ability that it defies description; I was the only Slug (Chief Petty Officer candidate) who was ordered not to sing during initiation.
4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
Something Irish. Killians Irish Red Ale, ice cold, in a frosted pilsner glass. Or an Irish coffee.
5) Favorite books?
Nova, Samual Delany.
The Man Who Would Be King, Rudyard Kipling.
Ringworld, Larry Niven
The Dying of the Light, George RR Martin.
Star Hammer, Christopher B. Rowley
Farmer in the Sky (Star Scout), Robert Heinlein
6) What was the last book you read?
Second Genesis, Donald Moffitt
7) Astrology: Menace to science education or entertainment?
Menace, not to mention just plain goofy.
8) Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
No. Well I've had my hide pierced a number of times, but it was strictly unintentional.
9) Worst habit?
I used to smoke, my wife made me give it up 16 years ago. Nowadays, it's probably swearing, for which, as a Navy Warrant, I was widely admired. As a civilian, it's a much less impressive habit. I'm trying to give it up, at least in everyday speech.
10) Best attribute?
Loyalty.
11) What are your favorite hobbies?
Wood turning (didn't see that coming did you?)
Reading.
Blogging.
Photography.
Hiking.
Fishing.
12) Do you have a negative or optimistic attitude?
I'm on the fence, sometimes I'm incredibly optimistic, sometimes I'm a pessimist. It has to do with the things I can control - if I control the situation, I'm optimistic. But when it comes to things like politics and the economy and etc, not so much.
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
If I like you, I'll talk your ear off. If I think you're a jerk, I'll beat you up and take your lunch money (really, I'd probably just ignore you, unless you piss me off).
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
Hmmm, that's hard to say. I've been in the midst of many strange and dangerous situations, but I survived them all, and learned things, and became a little wiser (maybe).
15) Best thing to ever happen to you?
Met my wife, whom I couldn't imagine life without, and had my son, whom I couldn't imagine life without. Doesn't get any better than that.
16) Tell me one weird fact about you.
I hate tomatoes, so does my wife. What are the odds that the only two people on the planet who detest that vegetable would hook up?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
I hope you like Killians Irish Red Ale.
18) What was your first impression of me? (Since I swiped this list from Camille Alexa's site, I'll answer her).
Uh, I don't know. I read your comments on Steve Buccheit's site and you seem like an interesting and intelligent person. Plus Steve likes you, so you're ok in my book.
19) What scares you?
The cat box.
20) If you could change one thing about how you are, what would it be?
I'd probably say that I'd like to be able to suffer fools gladly, but that would be a lie.
Truthfully if I could change anything, I'd probably have myself modified to replace my increasingly arthritic skeleton with an exotic alloy combat-chassis like the terminator. Oh, and I want my forearm to turn into a phased-plasma rifle, in the 30kilowat range, or a flamethrower. Then I'll be happy to suffer the fools, oh there'll be some suffering going on, gladly.
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
I'd be your conscientious crime partner.
22) What color eyes do you have?
Greenish blue gray. My driver's license just says "green."
23) Ever been arrested? If so, what for?
Yes, twice in one day as a matter of fact. In Louisiana, the backward-ass, xenophobic, inbred, six-toed, cousin-humping, sister-loving, cross-eyed baby having, corn pone, tire-swinging, rattletrap-truck driving, confederate flag-waving, grits-eating, trailer-park dwelling, rusty car park in the yard, three refrigerators on the front porch, ignorant, illiterate, uneducated, creationist science believing, bible-waving, mosquito-invested, alligator dodging, NASCAR worshiping, redneck capital of the universe. Reason? "Ya'll ain't from aroun' heaer is ya, boy?"
24) Favorite dessert?
Chocolate fudge cake with chocolate fudge ice cream on a chocolate fudge brownie with chocolate fudge pudding filling, smothered in chocolate fudge sauce covered in shaved chocolate - with a side of chocolate fudge. If that's not available, I'll take 'The Volcano' at any Rain Forest Cafe.
25) If you won $1000 today, what would you do with it?
Fill up my gas tank, twice.
26) Tell me something you want me to know about you.
I'm left handed.
27) What's your favorite place to hang out?
My woodshop.
28) Do you believe in ghosts? Aliens?
Ghosts? No. Aliens? It depends. Out there, somewhere, sure. Visiting us here? Not so much. And if they are coming here - well, I think they're not beings I'd want to know. I mean, come on, they cross umpty dozen light years to get here, traveling at or near light speed, years in transit, requiring more energy than the White House spends deleting it's email - and when they get here they mutilate cattle and have sex with Louisiana Rednecks who can't even get laid within their own species? Yeah, I'm going to take a pass on meeting the ET's.
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
I don't have any spare time, but if I did, I'd probably spend it fantasizing about what I'd do if I had more spare time.
30) Do you swear a lot?
Fucking A.
31) Biggest pet peeve?
Deliberately stupid people. People who drive too slow in the fast lane. People who believe they were kidnapped by aliens. Creationists. Neo-con Republicans. People who don't know that Alaska is actually part of the United States. Tourists. Cell phones. Stupid tourists on cells phones. Wal-Mart. Women who carry little dogs in their purses. Guys who can't talk about anything other than sports, ever. Guys who brag about their conquests. NASCAR. Nancy Grace. The fact that my country is led by a power-mad idiot who resembles a chimp. And like that.
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
Contrary.
33) Do you believe in/appreciate romance?
Oui, mon cheri
34) Most unusual place you've had sex?
Maine.
35) Do you believe in an afterlife?
No. But I sure as hell believe in this one.
I thought you all might get a kick out of it, so I stole it.
In thirty-five questions, tell me about yourself. I'll go first:
1) Ever been in a relationship lasting over 5 years?
Yep - my wife and I have been married for 16 years, and we lived together for 6 months before that.
Other than that? No. In fact, up until I met my wife I was the poster-child for bad relationships, seriously. In order, I was involved with: an closet alcoholic (of the abusive kind), a cheating whore (really, later I found out she charged for it and eventually got pregnant, yet still claimed that she was a virgin), a raving hypochondriac (you have no idea), and a compulsive lier (of the major psychotic break kind) and yes, these were all different women. When I met my wife, I had sworn off relationships, forever. A friend kept trying to set me up with someone she knew. A blind date? Yeah, with my track record? But she kept at me and in order to get her to shut the hell up about it, I agreed, and that's how I met my wife.
2) What was one of your dreams growing up?
To live in Alaska. No, really.
3) What talent do you wish you had?
Musical ability. I am so lacking in musical ability that it defies description; I was the only Slug (Chief Petty Officer candidate) who was ordered not to sing during initiation.
4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
Something Irish. Killians Irish Red Ale, ice cold, in a frosted pilsner glass. Or an Irish coffee.
5) Favorite books?
Nova, Samual Delany.
The Man Who Would Be King, Rudyard Kipling.
Ringworld, Larry Niven
The Dying of the Light, George RR Martin.
Star Hammer, Christopher B. Rowley
Farmer in the Sky (Star Scout), Robert Heinlein
6) What was the last book you read?
Second Genesis, Donald Moffitt
7) Astrology: Menace to science education or entertainment?
Menace, not to mention just plain goofy.
8) Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
No. Well I've had my hide pierced a number of times, but it was strictly unintentional.
9) Worst habit?
I used to smoke, my wife made me give it up 16 years ago. Nowadays, it's probably swearing, for which, as a Navy Warrant, I was widely admired. As a civilian, it's a much less impressive habit. I'm trying to give it up, at least in everyday speech.
10) Best attribute?
Loyalty.
11) What are your favorite hobbies?
Wood turning (didn't see that coming did you?)
Reading.
Blogging.
Photography.
Hiking.
Fishing.
12) Do you have a negative or optimistic attitude?
I'm on the fence, sometimes I'm incredibly optimistic, sometimes I'm a pessimist. It has to do with the things I can control - if I control the situation, I'm optimistic. But when it comes to things like politics and the economy and etc, not so much.
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
If I like you, I'll talk your ear off. If I think you're a jerk, I'll beat you up and take your lunch money (really, I'd probably just ignore you, unless you piss me off).
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
Hmmm, that's hard to say. I've been in the midst of many strange and dangerous situations, but I survived them all, and learned things, and became a little wiser (maybe).
15) Best thing to ever happen to you?
Met my wife, whom I couldn't imagine life without, and had my son, whom I couldn't imagine life without. Doesn't get any better than that.
16) Tell me one weird fact about you.
I hate tomatoes, so does my wife. What are the odds that the only two people on the planet who detest that vegetable would hook up?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
I hope you like Killians Irish Red Ale.
18) What was your first impression of me? (Since I swiped this list from Camille Alexa's site, I'll answer her).
Uh, I don't know. I read your comments on Steve Buccheit's site and you seem like an interesting and intelligent person. Plus Steve likes you, so you're ok in my book.
19) What scares you?
The cat box.
20) If you could change one thing about how you are, what would it be?
I'd probably say that I'd like to be able to suffer fools gladly, but that would be a lie.
Truthfully if I could change anything, I'd probably have myself modified to replace my increasingly arthritic skeleton with an exotic alloy combat-chassis like the terminator. Oh, and I want my forearm to turn into a phased-plasma rifle, in the 30kilowat range, or a flamethrower. Then I'll be happy to suffer the fools, oh there'll be some suffering going on, gladly.
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
I'd be your conscientious crime partner.
22) What color eyes do you have?
Greenish blue gray. My driver's license just says "green."
23) Ever been arrested? If so, what for?
Yes, twice in one day as a matter of fact. In Louisiana, the backward-ass, xenophobic, inbred, six-toed, cousin-humping, sister-loving, cross-eyed baby having, corn pone, tire-swinging, rattletrap-truck driving, confederate flag-waving, grits-eating, trailer-park dwelling, rusty car park in the yard, three refrigerators on the front porch, ignorant, illiterate, uneducated, creationist science believing, bible-waving, mosquito-invested, alligator dodging, NASCAR worshiping, redneck capital of the universe. Reason? "Ya'll ain't from aroun' heaer is ya, boy?"
24) Favorite dessert?
Chocolate fudge cake with chocolate fudge ice cream on a chocolate fudge brownie with chocolate fudge pudding filling, smothered in chocolate fudge sauce covered in shaved chocolate - with a side of chocolate fudge. If that's not available, I'll take 'The Volcano' at any Rain Forest Cafe.
25) If you won $1000 today, what would you do with it?
Fill up my gas tank, twice.
26) Tell me something you want me to know about you.
I'm left handed.
27) What's your favorite place to hang out?
My woodshop.
28) Do you believe in ghosts? Aliens?
Ghosts? No. Aliens? It depends. Out there, somewhere, sure. Visiting us here? Not so much. And if they are coming here - well, I think they're not beings I'd want to know. I mean, come on, they cross umpty dozen light years to get here, traveling at or near light speed, years in transit, requiring more energy than the White House spends deleting it's email - and when they get here they mutilate cattle and have sex with Louisiana Rednecks who can't even get laid within their own species? Yeah, I'm going to take a pass on meeting the ET's.
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
I don't have any spare time, but if I did, I'd probably spend it fantasizing about what I'd do if I had more spare time.
30) Do you swear a lot?
Fucking A.
31) Biggest pet peeve?
Deliberately stupid people. People who drive too slow in the fast lane. People who believe they were kidnapped by aliens. Creationists. Neo-con Republicans. People who don't know that Alaska is actually part of the United States. Tourists. Cell phones. Stupid tourists on cells phones. Wal-Mart. Women who carry little dogs in their purses. Guys who can't talk about anything other than sports, ever. Guys who brag about their conquests. NASCAR. Nancy Grace. The fact that my country is led by a power-mad idiot who resembles a chimp. And like that.
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
Contrary.
33) Do you believe in/appreciate romance?
Oui, mon cheri
34) Most unusual place you've had sex?
Maine.
35) Do you believe in an afterlife?
No. But I sure as hell believe in this one.
