Things That Ought To Be A Hanging Offense

Die, Microsoft Die!

Is there anything more likely to make a blood vessel in my head swell and explode than the message “Program is not responding?”

No there is not.

I swear to all that is holy, it ought to be legal to kill a random stranger from a rooftop with a high powered rifle every damned time you get that message.

Program is not responding.

Thanks.

Thanks for stating the obvious, Microsoft. And really, thanks for nothing.

No shit the program is not responding, you dolts. I can see that it’s not responding. I can see the program has frozen for no apparent reason other than activation of the mysterious Microsoft subroutine Check_For_Unsaved_Work_If_Yes_CRASHMOTHERFUCKERCRASH! The fact that I’m pounding on the keyboard in a bloody-eyed rage tipped me off. The message is really not necessary, unless you are actually trying to induce an aneurism in my head the size of the Hindenburg fireball.

I got it.

The program is not responding. Yeah.

You want to impress me with Windows 7?

Include a phone number I can dial from my non-Windows Based phone that sends high amperage electric shocks directly to Bill Gates’ balls – also at the same time have a message pop up on his screen saying “Your Testicles Are On Fire! – JUST IN CASE YOU WONDERED WHAT THAT FUCKING PAIN WAS, BILL!”

Hey! There’s an idea, what if we made everybody who worked at Microsoft wear the special taser electrode underwear? You know, I’d be a whole lot less likely to come unhinged and embark on a multi-state homicidal rampage if I knew that every time a program ceased responding for no apparent reason whatsoever a random Microsoft employee was getting about ten thousand volts straight in the privates. Zzzzzzt!

Wait.

Don’t do it. Just stop right there. Take your hands off the keyboard. Step away from the comment box.

Because there is one thing that I find more aggravating than Microsoft.

And that would be the inevitable comment recommending that I switch to penguin based operating systems or to that one with the apples.

Really, just don’t. People who offer helpful suggestions that aren’t actually helpful and in reality are just another way of saying “Bawahahahaha! Mine is better than yours. See? I told you so” should be soaked in gasoline, loaded in a large artillery piece and fired flaming into North Korea.

I’m already pissed enough. The entire pictorial of this weekend’s shop work, i.e. the birdhouses, is gone in a cloud of petulant electrons. My urge to commit violence is running about 9.6 at the moment, all I need is a target. Really think about it.

Better for all of us if I take out my ire on that guy who drives too slow in the fast lane – because, next to Bill Gates* and the troop of brain damaged baboons running Microsoft, driving too slow in the fast lane should be number one when it comes to hanging offenses.

Pictures tomorrow.

Maybe.

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*Yes, I know Bill doesn’t actually run MS any more. I don’t care I still want to set his crotch on fire.